RUkered

Melraz is all over me to get Andromeda, and I will, but I have no idea what I'm getting into. I'm used to talking with you guys like "we wrecked our bikes on that heist and then Robert blew up a tanker truck on that white dot." This is like "I forged the iron Fargarnarian and erstwhile summoned the Spirit of Valikogurist." Anyway, to keep this on topic, FUCK.

So I don't have this game yet, but Melraz has been urging me to get it. I was playing Halo 2 last night (very current on my games as you can tell) and got an invite to a party chat with Melraz and Robert. From an outsider's perspective - just based on the descriptions the two of them gave me, this is my understanding of the game: - You can have neon suits that make Melraz throw up - There are blue people who can punch you to death - no guns necessary - Melraz still cleans house with a sniper rifle before anyone else can get a shot off - There is some character with an ability to shoot wizardry out of its ass to kill people. - You can get hugged to death with some kind of cellophane net-like thing. How far off am I?

Melraz and I have passed out in dog beds before, but it wasn't due to kids.

It's an old joke, but do people clean out the milk and bread in NYC like they do down here? We're down to a 1-3" forecast, and the grocery store still looked like a fucking Zombieland set piece.

That "turn your back on them" thing never fails to make me laugh. It's like these jackasses take it literally and don't realize you can turn your character any which way but loose and still be looking at your TV screen.

I heard rumors that the mayor is campaigning in the streets tonight. I can't make it because I'm home visiting my folks, but y'all have fun. Stout, keep the Pal's line clear for me.

I was trying to remember the other day - we used to grind Boneyard for cash back in the early days. Took about 20 minutes to finish it, and what did it pay? Was it 30k? Just curious how these CEO/MC missions pay per time spent doing them compared to some of the old school methods we used. Also, how are those special vehicle CEO missions? I haven't had a chance to do any yet- doesn't appear you can solo them unless I'm mistaken.

I forgot about this. If that doesn't sum us up, nothing does. That reminds me...somewhere way back in this thread are pics of us bus surfing down Vesuvius. We're basically a bunch of Johnny Knoxvilles. Speaking of, next time you talk to Melraz, ask him about building a ramp beside the creek at his childhood home, lighting it on fire, and trying to jump it with bicycles. I'm going out on a limb and guessing none of you are in shock to learn this.

Why go the smart route when the I'm-probably-gonna-die-but-y'all-should-watch-this-shit route is ripe for the picking? I like to think of it as "creatively moronic."

How old is this guy? 17? On the Xbox side, I think every damn (correction: dalm) one of us are mid-30s or older. Tell him to give you a Werther's and get off your fucking lawn.

"Cum Stains Crew," eh? I bet they're a fun lot to be around. One might say they...blew their load a little too early... *Austin Powers grin* Looks like someone...put the D in K/D ratio... *Austin Powers grin* (I may or may not have had two beer. This message aired in its original format and does not reflect the views of sober RUkered.)

Who fucked up and gave Melraz Beast powers? That's like giving Mark McGwire a corked bat. Some shit is just too unfair.

If you play your cards right on Valentine's.

Thanks to everyone who just made me cackle out loud on the shitter at work like a lunatic. I know better than to open this thread in here...

You may be on PS4, but this is purebred Xbox night shift shit right here.

You know you're playing with a fun group when you're getting your shit stomped in, but you're still laughing so hard you can't breathe. And if my Xbox doesn't act better the next time I'm on, it's getting taken out back of the shed. I guess it was subtly telling me that it was bedtime.

I got all the lingerie during the first Valentine's update, but I haven't ever worn it because Stout already calls me a floozy.

If she made it that much. Someone needs to tell her that spray and pray with a minigun is not a viable tactic in a survival. Wait, I've got it. It was a female who needs tactical advice. We have the perfect mentor on this very board. If we only knew if she could tell us a few words about Jehovah...

You know, we try to be reformed once in a while and mind our own business... Stout, Robert, and myself were in a room by ourselves trying to earn some money. Eventually, a few people showed up, but we kept at it. Stout and I were delivering some cargo, and on the last stretch of road, a bastard in a Buzz-ard attacks us. I slide into the marker at the warehouse just in time to see two messages: Special Cargo destroyed and Special Cargo delivered. The game gave me credit for the delivery, but it didn't matter because the money-making immediately stopped and it was Horsemen time. I won't go as far as saying we whipped his ass because he damn sure held his own for a level 20 (with his pied piper sack of seemingly endless proximity mines and rockets), but we tangled with that guy for a long damn time. After he Allah Akbar'd one of us for the third or fourth time, Robert joked, "We should invite him to the crew." Between that and sweetheart in her yoga pants running around in the middle of 40 red dots during a survival, it was a fun night.

Thanks for the help with making some cash last night, Roast and Stout. Is there a best practice for getting that Sultan off the Sandy Shores airstrip? I've done it twice and have sniped the guy both times. Last night was an extremely lucky first shot. The first time, I spent about 5-10 minutes cussing and beating the hell out of the car.

As usual, it looks like I had to bow out a bit too early. What's left for you to blow up, Rob? I think they're going to have to release an extreme sports update just so you'll have new shit to throw a sticky bomb on: wakeboard, skis, bobsled, etc.

Sorry I had to roll suddenly, Robert. I hated to leave because I had been dying laughing the whole time we were raising hell. My night started off comical because I had a Keystone Kops episode of trying to do CEO work. It took me so long to log on because the servers were screwy that I didn't bother doing the playlist glitch to get in an empty room. I didn't get messed with much, but I damn sure messed myself up a ton. The best was when I got my first special cargo. I picked it up and called in a Merryweather chopper so I could drop it off quickly. Dumbass landed halfway on a concrete highway divider, so when I ran around to get in, the rotors were low enough to chop me up. The damn thing then exploded. I picked the package back up and called for my Entity, thinking I could at least drive fast to drop it off. Nope. Damn snow made the ass end get loose on an off-ramp and I jumped the wall and landed in the damn water. Ended up delivering the package though. I was trying to make another cargo delivery when I (without even knowing he was in the room) drove right through Robert sticking rocket feet up white dot ass and my truck ended up flipping over on its top. (Don't worry Robert - I ain't mad in the least.) I rammed it a few times trying to flip it over to no avail, then I said fuck it. Blew up the truck, retired as CEO, and then Robert and I ran off every white dot we could find. The first two were mic'd up and coming through my TV, and it was hilarious. One dude was calling me bitch because he was up on me by a couple. Then, I got him twice in a row and there was light whining. Then Robert continued whipping his ass and I heard the guy accuse him of cheating. The two of them disappeared - not sure if they left or got dumped or what. The funniest part of the night was when the "bail and slide the farthest" event started. I was on my way to Robert and saw that a guy was in the lead, so I decided to bail out of the car to see what my score might be. I got 143.4 feet. The dude (Quest83) then popped up with 142.4 feet. I don't know if Robert did it intentionally or not, but he whooped the poor dude's ass so much that he didn't have a chance to take the lead again. Winning by one literal foot made me cackle. The other part that cracked me up was when we ran off everyone around us and were both in pause menus/away from controller. I see three dots in a car and take off, then I see Robert a few streets over - ahead of me. Then came the explosion and a shit ton of death notifications. We then wore their not-car-having-anymore asses out. The only real challenge (not to say I didn't die more that I would have liked) was a run-in toward the end from some cat named Angel something or other who fancied rooftop sniping. Never got a kill on that s.o.b. Anyway - fun as hell night - looking forward to another one.

So apparently I can't fly in the snow at night. Got on to do the empty public room glitch so I could sell my 200k worth of shit. First of all, I didn't realize they recommended having an associate, but I thought "fuck it - surely I can handle it all in 30 minutes." Got in the first airplane, turned left to head out to sea to hit the first marker, and took their "fly low" recommendation a little too literally. Plane went right in the fucking water and I lost 100k worth of stuff. I got out, wadded up one snowball to angrily throw at an NPC before the snow disappears, and turned the shit off. That was a tough one to swallow.

Speaking of...hey JT...how do you feel about shortcuts over "Mt Vesuvius" in a charter bus?