RUkered

Hell, no worries there. I didn't fare any better. I started that shit show by Allah Akbaring the JW20 guy or whatever his name was. I got his buddy a few times with the sniper, but the both of them stuck a size 13 up my hiney hole multiple times. I never got another kill on the one guy. The closest I came was when I spotted him on a hill. I got him once with the sniper, and then he tumbled down the hill. I got excited because hell - I'll take the cheap kill at this point, right? Fucker died during the fall before I could get a shot off. I laughed my ass off when you sent the RETREAT text and happily obliged. Robert -I'll probably have some more time tonight if you or anyone else is around. Edit - almost forgot one part. Stout - just to show you how much I was firing on 1 out of 8 cylinders, this little gem happened before you got on. I rigged up a car and took off toward a dot. I was speeding toward him and it looked like I was wide open to ram him and then blow us both up. About 10 feet or so from him, I slammed into something. I still have no idea what. Low fence or a curb or something that I didn't notice. Stopped the car dead. Before I had time to react, I hear the old familiar WHOOOOOOOSH as he stuck a rocket up my ass. All I could do was laugh. I should have taken that omen for what it was and switched back over to Uncharted 4.

I don't have a link, but I got an email tonight that Rockstar put 100k in our accounts, but you have to sign on by June 6th to keep it. I'm gonna be on probably getting my ass kicked for a while tonight if any of you psychos see this.

At this point, the game probably looks at your DVDR tag and says "Eh, fuck it. Death, taxes, and these motherfuckers blowing themselves up - the constants of life."

Robert - sounds like we need to bikini up and head over there

These last couple of pages have made me do enough spit takes that y'all owe me a new monitor.

Hey I know I ba-ding a lot and run us into trees, but how the hell else am I gonna send you guys pictures of ladies footwear???? That does remind me of the time y'all were giving me shit for ba-dinging all over the place and then we started a heist. The mission is loading, and there stands Stout's character with his gun. There stands Melraz's character with his gun. There stands Robert's character with his gun. There stands my character..............with a goddamned cell phone out. I guess y'all can call me Earl because that is some damn fine karma if I've ever seen it.

I couldn't help but think of this when I read "painted-up hussies."

I still can't believe I did that dumbass shit. Probably in the top 3 embarrassing drunken things I've ever done - although I guess that's pretty good, all things considered. "Huh huh huh huh dude there's totally a chick's shoe under my couch. Get it? Because I get laid bro....huh huh huh huh." I hope time travel gets invented one day. I don't care if it's a one-use machine. Will I go back in time and invest in Apple and get rich or see if there was a second shooter on the grassy knoll? Fuck no. I will go back to the night I asked Robert for his email address to send him a picture of a woman's tennis shoe under my couch and slap the shit out of myself until my future children feel the sting. What is this b.s. about? Los Santos knows that Robert and I are the real GTA babes - out flaunting our bikini-clad asses for hacker money. I got on again the other day for a little bit. I hadn't done missions in a while and decided to run through Titan of a Job and Death From Above. We've all said it a million times, but it is ridiculous how easy it is to solo those things in a Kuruma. Stout - I saw you pop in the room I was in the other day. I was in a chopper heading your way when the room dump happened. There were about four of us left, and then about 20 seconds later another dump happened and I was by myself. I decided to say forget it and turned the thing off.

I love that we all know enough about each other that a thread that started with speculation and news before the game came out like three years ago has devolved into, "Suck my asshole, I have furnishings!!!!" I love you bastards.

How the blue shit have I not run out of likes yet...

As I read these last few posts, I'm reminded of the catchphrase of our great mayor................."fuck 'em."

I got on a couple days ago after reading the last few posts to see how I could do. After I got the update installed, I go into a room and try to steal a car. Twice in a row, I got dragged back out and stomped by NPCs. I think that may have happened to me a total of four times over 2-3 years of playing this game, and it happened twice in about five minutes. That's a new level of "holy shit I am rusty." I get notified that there's a VIP that I can kill. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like fun. I take off toward the guy and wipe out one of his bodyguards with the sniper rifle. The actual VIP snuck up on me three or four times while I was fussing with the bodyguard. Then, it hit me. "What the fuck are you doing fighting this guy you can't see on foot?" It was like the scene at the end of Bloodsport when Van Damme gets sand thrown in his eyes and starts getting his ass kicked. Then he flashes back to his training. I closed my eyes, remembered my training via an 80s montage, threw a sticky on a car, and rammed it right up his and his expensive car's asses. Turned the game off while the getting was good.

Hell yes, we definitely do. If I see either of you on at any point, I'll rip the Fallout disc out and sign on. Melraz was teasing me just yesterday, texting me a picture of an Xbox bundle with that new Tom Clancy game. He didn't end up getting it, but I think he's going to soon. Either way, we definitely ought to have another ass-kicking hammer-nail shindig soon. Oh man - HOW did I forget the tanker? The tomfoolery gods were shining on me that night, because I had no idea where Robert was or what he was doing. I was just jogging down the street trying to get back near the action after dying, and I was literally a half a block away when I see a big ass tanker appear out of thin air. I don't pay enough attention to the mini-map, so I'm like "What in the hell? Who stole a tanker to driv-" and that's about the point that my entire screen exploded and I see "Robert killed...." and I absolutely lost my shit. My holy grail...and it will probably never happen (even though I got kind of/sort of close one time) is to Allah Akbar a jet with a helicopter. I will die trying.

Isn't that where Robert got his jetski Allah Akbar, or am I making that up? And now I'm laughing yet again about him casually jingling by me on a bicycle and blowing a dot to high hell like 10 feet away from me. Damn I need to play this again.

This is the funniest thing I've heard about this game. Like a Sarah Connor simulator. "He can't be reasoned with. He can't be stopped." Cut to Preston: "Now I REALLY have something a little different for you." *minigun begins spinning*

Ah hell, I'm pretty hypocritical because I'll work with them long enough to get the set of armor. It's the best set I have. I got an X01 set on my last play, but I don't remember where I got it and can't find it again.

I ended up siding with the Institute due to what you learn when you first get there, but this time, I'm going to go a different way just for the hell of it. If I do a third playthrough, I've basically decided I'm going to do what someone else mentioned many pages back and immediately slaughter the entire Brotherhood the second I meet them. I fucking hate every one of their smartasses. "Oh you did that thing I asked you to do? Well let me be a raging c-bag about it and then ask you to do something else." This SOB is sticking his size 12 boot up some BOS ass and that's the bottom liiiiine....y'all know the rest.

Reminds me of an old Louis CK bit where he's talking about driving around without a license. Something like - "I'm not worried when the cops pull me over because I know I'm going to jail. The pressure is off. I just say whatever I want to the cops. I don't give a shit. What - are they gonna send me to extra jail??"

Thanks for the heads up. I haven't progressed enough to really lose anything, so I'll go back to an old save.

I play like an idiot. Basically - it's the closest playstyle to Allah Akbaring that the game will allow. I don't use power armor very often, and I've yet to put ballistic weave on my clothes on this second playthrough, but I still go charging in like Rambo's less mentally proficient little brother. I have a .50 cal sniper, but I suck at using it. I keep a laser rifle, a couple pistols, and a shotgun on me for times when shit gets thick, but I still run around with machetes and swords all the time. I set up my little purified water farm so I could save stimpaks. I'm currently carrying about 150 waters on me, and I pop them like candy mid-battle because I go into every fight trading licks like Rocky and Clubber Lang. I finally found the Super Sledge that one of you talked about several pages back. I haven't used it yet because I'm constantly at my carrying capacity despite Strong Back and deep pocketed armor. That's my only complaint about the game - being encumbered every five seconds is annoying as hell. I don't know if I screwed something up or what, but I can't find any Railroad missions now. I did one or two with them, and then I wasn't paying attention (because I was skipping through dialogue impatiently) and I accidentally agreed to build the Institute portal with the Brotherhood. I don't think I've messed up, but I sure as shit haven't seen a RR mission since then.

Holy shit. What level were you and what equipment did you have?The first time I went there, I had power armor and mini nukes and still barely survived. The second time, I put the mission off until I was level 20-something and found a missile launcher. It was still tough. I can't imagine melee only, and melee is mostly how I play until shit gets thick at times.

I had something happen last night that made me laugh until I damn near had tears in my eyes. A few pages back, some of you were talking about spawning in the middle of a bunch of super mutants with nukes. Well, I think I found one of them. I fast traveled to Fallon's Department Store, and before the screen even fully loaded, I hear a massive explosion and my screen is full of fire. I took a second to regroup and then I moved a few feet to the left to try and get in some sort of cover and scope out what kind of shit storm I was in. About that time, I hear it. BEEP BEEP BEEP. I took off into a sprint, wildly flinging the camera left and right (I was in a bit of a panic). Then I remember to go into V.A.T.S. to try and and target this suicider and see how close he was so I'd know which way to run. I flick the stick around, and the motherfucker was right there. He was so damn close I could smell what he had for lunch, and he already had his arm up in the air, coming down to spike that nuke right up my asshole. I just put the controller down and enjoyed the show while I laughed my ass off. When I respawned, I just turned the game off out of respect. You win, Super Mutant Suicider. You win.

I hope it was on Nordhagen Beach, just for the sake of consistency.

Quick side story from The Tales of the GTA 5 Thread™. Me, jstout, Robert, and melraz09 played together quite a bit. One night, we're playing GTA heists together, and I forget to mention to everyone that my 68 year old father is in town and decided to watch me play the game. We're doing a heist, and during the intro, our characters walk into the room to plan the heist. There we are - a bunch of dudes - with our female characters about as naked as the game will allow, and Robert's is tattooed up like Kat Von D. My dad just turns his head and gives me this look that I interpreted as - "I love you because you are my son, but I'm not real sure what the hell is going on right now." Had I been 13 and not in my 30s, I'm pretty sure we would have had some sort of talk. Look at Robert over here, pulling the old Zack Morris routine. I'll watch for you on Maury soon. I haven't played much the last few days due to Storm whatever-the-hell (when did we start naming snowstorms??), but I am still struggling to romance Piper. Playthrough two, and about 70 levels between both of them, and I haven't even come close to romancing a single person. I am definitely not a wasteland Romeo.

I've run into the same issue that Stout mentioned a couple pages back. I'm getting failed notifications and I swear I don't remember being told they were getting attacked. Doesn't bother me much though. This game has taught me one thing for sure. I should never, ever, ever be a property manager. Went to Starlight Drive-in and it was absolutely hammered with settlers. Three of them came up to me bitching about being hungry. Tough shit dame...kill a mongrel and cook it like I do. One question I have about food though. I did build my little adhesive farm in Sanctuary. I assigned three settlers to it. One for tato, one for mutfruit, and one for corn. Every time I'm in there harvesting, my dude will say "I need to assign someone to this." Is that just buggy or do I really need to throw more people at it. I assumed I could just grab one or two people, click a random plant to assign them, and they'd just do it all. I'm confused.