RUkered

I've knocked them loose running over bikers too. Yet somehow, Melraz can take a shortcut through the mountains with the damn thing and make it more often than not.

Oh come on Stout. Let's all get them and do Tunnel Vision.

That mission was the bane of my existence way back in yonder year. As Stout likes to say, the first time I finished it, he was off playing hopscotch somewhere or something. That was pre-Horsemen days, back when none of us had talked and spent our time ramming each other into Zancudo gates. (Kidding Stout) Mel and I got on yesterday and were good for a change. We avoided freemode and just earned money. He's trying to save up for that bike from the heists. I finally decided to quit being Scrooge and spend some of my heist money. I bought the Insurgent with the turret, so I'm ready to rain down hell on some dots. I also bought that same bike I just mentioned and upgraded it all the way, so I imagine I'll be killing myself every five seconds.

Did you give them two snaps and an around the world, Stout?

Dammit - I really do miss out on all the adventures. Obligatory Steven Wright quote: "When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually." I can't imagine doing a heist with someone who talks like that. It would take him four hours to coordinate anything. Right now, Melraz is going, "Who in the dalm hell is Steven Wright??"

Have they ramped up the tanks in there or something? I died four times trying to steal a jet out of there a few days ago and I've never had much trouble before.

I'm glad you came out. We live in a strange time when you can see someone for the first time and not have to do the usual "hi my name is...I'm from...I do this for a living" intros because you have already talked for damn near two years. On the same note, I kept thinking "Robert should be here." We should have made Mel load up the game so we could study his ways and find out how he snipes people from nine miles away. Anyway, I'm not sure what fire you're referring to, Stout. I didn't see anything and know nothing...

Hey guys I found Stout's polar opposite on another forum just now. This is in response to a picture of a real life chromed out Zentorno looking car.

I think I'm doing game chat wrong. Mine is set to everyone, but I never hear shit when I'm by myself. I want to hear some of these shenanigans that Stout hears all the time. Well...shenanigans - threatened homicide - whichever.

The only new thing I've done is distract the cops because I'm late to the party when they finally show up. I really want to destroy a smuggler's plane, but somebody always seems to already be in a jet by the time I notice it. On another note, I tried out a new-to-me tactic, but messed up the timing. There was a dot on the beach, but he was so close to the water that I couldn't see him. I knew he was trained on me, and there was no cover for me to advance. (I feel like J.T. right now.) I decided to call a mugger on him and kill his ass while he was laying on the sand. I waited too long and he got back up and shot me. Now I really want to pull it off. Anybody done it?

Don't worry Stout. The Mayor himself has spoken to the town council (Rockstar support) and voiced his displeasure, and you know everybody listens to the mayor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbO2_077ixs

I haven't bought any heist vehicles yet because I didn't know which ones I wanted. I think I've decided on the turret Insurgent. We raised hell in one yesterday and took a shit ton of rockets before we died. I had no idea they were that tough. And Stout, where do you get off picking on these poor innocent preteens??? I would never ever ever do something like that.........

Yeah, I think my numbers are off. I said that we blew that chromed Kuruma up 20 times, but now I remember you saying you had about that much just by yourself. It's not hard to do when the assholes called it in as quick as we could blow it up. I know we've all bitched about it a million times, but it really is dumber than shit that you get punished for defending yourself. All those guys wanted to do was drive around in that stupid thing shooting out of it when they could and trying to run you over when they couldn't. I'm not going into passive and hopping up on a ledge just because someone is in a car. It's a gettin', I say, it's a getting blowed up real quick. The only time we went into passive was when one guy kept calling in tanks on the beach. Even then, I managed to be in a good spot where he'd hit something in between us before the rockets would hit me, so I was able to wear him out with my RPG. Forgot to mention - we were on the beach so long that the fight spilled out into the ocean. At one point, Nate was way out there trying to Allah Akbar a sumbitch with a jet ski, and I was trying to work on my lung capacity while on my way to stab somebody underwater. Neither one of us achieved those goals, but damn if it wasn't fun trying.

Me and Nate got on to earn some money because he's GTA poor. We were "just gonna take out this one dot" which turned into "just blowing up this guy real quick and then we'll start a mission." 2-3 hours later, we've lost about 50k each, but we beat the brakes off several dots. There was a cluster of four that were together, 2 in the Kuruma. I bet, between the two of us, we blew that chromed piece of shit up at least 20 times. How the hell we aren't in juvie, I don't know. My sniping skills were on point for a long time, so I was happy. Got my ass whipped quite a bit too, but it was a good day. We finally did a few missions to at least try to break even from before we got in freemode. We just made the mistake of breaking Nate's number one rule: NEVER go to freemode if you plan to do missions. You think you won't spend three hours blowing money on explosives, and then you spend three hours blowing money on explosives.

That dunce cap dude was fun to mess with I think that's the first one I've seen in person. Sorry my shit messed up. I don't know if it was the Xbox or my router, but I tried to sign back on a few times and it was acting stupid, so I gave up. It was probably for the best, two beer and all. That dude looked like he was wearing about three dunce caps.

If we had all the money we've lost in hospital bills from blowing ourselves up, we could have three garages full of Zentornos. Fuck it - still worth it.

He's a friend of a friend. I forgot he was crew though. I don't know him personally, but Mel and I have played with him a few times when nobody else was on.He's an alright enough dude, but he's a bit of a wildcard. Hard to keep him reined in if you're doing missions or heists or whatever. I doubt he's well-versed enough in the game or how we do things to know you're looking for help. Actually, I just remembered how we met him. Me and Mel were in a room and were like "who's this guy and why don't we know him?" We approach him and he kills us. So, as per the crew rules, this sumbitch just killed crew and we're gonna stick four yardsticks worth of feet up his ass. We did until another crew member, Anthony (friend of one of my buddies) gets in the chat to let us know it's his friend. Everybody settled down after that. So yeah Dolfan, on second thought, whoop his ass.

Well boys, I'm sad to report that, as a man in his 30s, it took me three loops of that gif to even notice that she was shooting cars out of that rifle because I was staring at her ass up until then. I have apparently reverted back to being 12 like my in-game humper, Master Thief. Time to go outside, get some fresh air, and reevaluate myself. I'll have the TPS report turned in by the end of the day.

I just heard Roy Damn Mercer in my head, Stout. "I've got a 55 gallon drum of ass whip and I'm a fixin to pour it all over you, son."

I wasn't there for this, but I'm dying laughing anyway. I hope it sounds how I imagine it in my head. Relevant to nothing in this discussion...Melraz called me yesterday and asked what I was doing. I was like, "Oddly enough, and I swear I'm not making this up just because you called...I'm downloading Foghorn Leghorn clips." I stumbled on them while looking for a Foghorn voice for my GPS. "Now tur-I say, turn around boy. Pay attention." Anyway,here they are - http://www.mcneel.com/users/jb/foghorn/ I think I'm going to play some of them in game chat after we akbar a toddler for the 12th time.

To follow Mis' lead for a minute...

The checkpoints aren't required???? Well I'll be shit. Those sneaky bastards. I've now led all the heists, so I'm able to replay any of them. If anybody is ever on and wants to do a particular one and I'm not doing anything specific, let me know. Can't remember if I mentioned it or not last night, but just in case... Before Stout and Robert got on, Mel and I were goofing around. I messaged the old butt-humping kid from a few posts back and said "are u on?" He said he was. I said "me n my friend stacy are playing want 2 join?" Mel and I got into an invite only room and sent him the invitation. I don't know how it happened, but another kid joined. (I guess anyone can invite anyone else once they're in the room?) Anyway, we switch over to game chat with our headsets muted. In a totally unseen, shocking moment - they turned out to be 12. Our plan was to ride with them a while and then take the headsets off mute and start talking to them in the Cat House hooker voice to freak them out. I unmuted mine and did my absolute best to sound like a girl. Apparently it's been too many years since my balls dropped, because it did not work one bit. Mel had his still muted because he was losing his shit. The kid just kept going, "What? Who's talking?" Then we heard what must have been butt-humper's older brother in the background yelling at the kid for spending money while playing with his character. Mel and I switched back to the party and were like - uhhhhh yeah this is a little too weird, so we bailed on the idea. I got at least four more friend requests from the kid before he got the hint. Anyway, the kid kept humping me and not Melraz, so I'm hotter. Sorry Mel.

It's amazing how shitty it is considering how much fun the first half is. I don't know what the best option is, honestly. The cops Hulk the fuck out and ram you off your bike, so you get in a car to fix that problem and they shoot the tires out. The worst for me was when the rest of you were either on or near the boat with about a minute and a half left, and I'm sliding off the road and down the mountain with 3 shot out tires.

I will be damned if I didn't just sit here rooting for that chicken to make it by the time it got to the middle of the road. Talking about y'all on that dump truck with miniguns - there are pictures of that somewhere in this thread. I don't remember who posted it. Robert - I hope I'm around for the dump truck akbar. You in the 18 wheeler is still one of my favorites because I didn't see you coming. I was too focused on that same dot with my shotgun out. I don't remember if you were off the radar or not, but I think what made me laugh the most was that you weren't in a hurry. That truck just meandered into my view from around the corner so slow I thought it was an NPC. Then my whole screen started shaking and it slowly hit me what happened. Lost my shit. I think the biggest question at this point is what HAVEN'T you blown someone up in?

Mis, that LSPD execution one reminds me of those "RKO out of nowhere" videos.