RUkered

If there's a terrible decision to be made, I'll make it. I'm really sorry I missed the windmill. That sounded fun as shit. I must sign off too early because I always end up missing the hacker shenanigans.

Batman was the first game I've bought for it. The others either came with it or I borrowed them, so I know how you feel. I don't know if it's age or what, but I bought it, hooked it up and was like "Well.....alrighty then..."If y'all want to have some real fun with it, get a Kinect. I finally broke down and got one last week. I don't see me playing many games with it, but I thought it would be good for Skype and the voice commands sounded pretty cool. Overall, it works pretty well, but it does have trouble turning on sometimes - hence why I said y'all would have fun. You get to yell XBOX ON at your TV 15 times in a row like a nutcase. My dad, who is an old school, hard-working coal miner, was in town when I hooked it up. I'm telling the TV to rewind, change channels, etc. and he looks over and says, "Boy, this might be the laziest shit I've ever seen in my life." If I threw the Kinect away right now, that still made it worth every penny. I laughed my ass off. Speaking of, if you see me on the One and I don't switch over to the 360, I now have my DVR hooked through the One, so I'm watching TV and didn't see you sign on.

I figured if I'm gonna keep posting on here, I might as well use the right terminology.

Dalmit Stout. I just got home from buying Batman: Arkham Knight for the One. Am I gonna have to spend more money now? I'll still be a XB1 GTA holdout until everybody has one.

The last time I jobbed for a capture, it was with Melraz. We didn't even go for the bags. We spent the whole time lining up a bicycle on the edge of the dock and kicking each other off into the water. Then Mel drank every beer he had in his inventory. So...basically like when we hang out in real life.

Dalm double post

Little tip for the 360 folks...DON'T ARM WRESTLE MELRAZ. IT'S A DALM TRAP BAH GAWD THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY!!! Seriously, it doesn't matter what game you're playing with him. If it involves flipping a thumbstick back and forth or rapid button mashing, you will lose. Trust me on this one. I haven't (to the best of my memory) lost a single GTA arm wresting match with a random, but he whips my ass every time, no contest.

Yep - the objectives have changed how I play overall now. If I'm just wanting to have fun, I'll do things the normal way. If I'm just trying to earn money quickly, it's Kuruma time. They should have named the damn thing the Konami, because it's basically a cheat code.

The streets were oddly calm last night. I decided to get on and work on a few things with my secondary character. I still hadn't upgraded all my vehicles since I won enough races to do so, so I was just driving back and forth from my apartment to the mod shop. I was in a public room, as usual, because I'm not too bright. I only got shot at one time. It was the central mod shop too - really weird. Stout and Roast got on about the same time, and we did a bunch of missions. I was only in freemode long enough to bank my cash before I hit the bed. I needed it too. I'm no longer a 2 millionaire. Earlier, I did my objectives, and they were the worst I've had so far. Vehicle deathmatch, darts, and arm wrestling. The last one was no problem, but I'm too dumb to know how to win darts, so it took forever. A tip for the vehicle deathmatch objective: do Desert Storm. It only requires two people, and you can make it short. I originally just started the first one I saw, and it required four. It was like trying to set up a damn heist.

Yeah, it's really strange. I had never tried a Dusty impression until earlier this week. Me and a buddy have been making up our own just goofing off, and I'll be damned. I'm not gonna wax poetic about the guy because I didn't start watching wrestling until the Attitude Era, so it doesn't feel right. But I've watched plenty on youtube and damn...the man cut a hell of a promo. This sucks. To bring it back on topic, I should be on a little later if any of you bloodhounds are still on. Oh yeah, and that semi truck trick might be the most impressive stunt I've seen in this game, and that's saying a lot.

Poor, poor Donut. The best part of it all was him repeatedly sending one on one deathmatches in the middle of it all. I don't know if he was brave or stupid. It was so thick that my one on one with him ended in a draw. I never got a chance to even try to shoot him. There were many times when his dot hadn't even appeared on the minimap yet before he died again. Somebody would be like, "Where's Donut? Did he leav-oh never mind, he's dead." And I got ROBBED on the one Top Fun round, dalmit. I was the only one left. I successfully do a loop in the Mallard to avoid a rocket and start climbing high. I see them closing in, but I'm near the airport, so I go into a nosedive. I'm close to the hangar and hear the radar going off. Rockets are close. I bail out and get ready to open my parachute. "Shit yeah," I think, "I did it! I've got this. I can see the yellow marke-" WHAM! Right into a fucking light pole. Mission over. Loser.

And I never drop a single dollar out of my backpack. Go figure, the fucker with YOLO in his name keeps dying. Take your own advice, shit head.

I have yet to complete a rally race. I can't imagine doing it on that damn race. "Yeah uh....just...just keep going straight and try to hang on." The only time I ever finished Stairway was on a bike. It wasn't as bad then. Today, I ended up quitting. It's bad enough without assholes trying to block the first ramp. Now I'm being a brave soul and joining heists with randoms. This will be a surefire shit show.

Anybody have any issues starting missions or races or anything other than freemode? More often than not, the last few times I've been on, it always says "failed to join activity" and either kicks me back to freemode or singleplayer. Doesn't matter how I try to start the job either. I can join them if I'm invited with no problem. It's a puzzler. Edit: Naturally, the minute I post this, I was able to quick join a race. However, it's Stairway to Heaven. So maybe I should be careful what I wish for. Where are you Stout? I know this one is a favorite of yours.

Sounds like me having to go to bed was a great decision. If y'all were thinking of running off of our sandy playground, that's all that needs to be said. Shit storm achieved.

"YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF AUTO AIM PUSSIES. WE INVITED YOU TO A FREE AIM DEATHMATCH AND WAITED FOREVER AND YOU NEVER SHOWED." - Esperanto Esmerelda Lesbian Muchacho Estrrrrrrrrada

Sorry to hear that, Robert. I hope it's nothing too bad. Selfishly, I'm glad you'll be around to play some more. I should have time in the evenings. The only thing I have on my plate is yard work, but somebody decided to piss off the rain gods this week, so that ain't happening. No worries man. I saw that you were in singleplayer for a while, so I figured you were having connection issues again. I was off working on a daily objective and saw that your dot was in my room. I don't know how long you had been in there, but you disappeared again when I started heading over to find you. When my connection drops, I have just about enough patience to try it twice before I want to throw the console out the front door. That sucks, sorry to hear that. I'll be there for you, man. Well, except for that juvie shit, I ain't goin' back there. Supposedly, if you watch your character on the start-online-players menu, when you change from "clean player" to "dodgy player," you're in danger of being thrown in juvie. You can supposedly "cool yourself off" back to clean player by getting out of freemode and playing missions and stuff for a while. Well, it'd just be four days in juvie when you make it back in, right? Piece of cake. God, how juvie sucks, though. RUkered, imagine about three of the guy who was tormenting you in the jet in a room. That's juvie. Everyone in the room is really good in Freemode (that's pretty much why they're there, they're the best of the best griefers) and they have all the heavy equipment and aren't afraid to use it. My rule holds fast - if the guy in the jet is using his machine guns, he is good and should be feared. If he's trying to hit you only with missiles, he's a fly at a picnic, best shooed away. You can be hit with a missile, but it's tough. They'll most likely crash into something before they hit you with a missile. Then it's ass-whoopin' time, provided they don't pop out in passive like they always do. Good to know about the clean/dodgy player thing, Stout. I didn't know that. Although it's not like I'm going to remember to check before I barrel toward a car. One thing that I have decided to change about the way I play is the proximity mines. I'm not going to put them on a car anymore unless it's in some abandoned alley or up in the mountains or whatever. I'm getting tired of having NPCs set the shit off. I feel cheated every time. No use in wasting my juvie credits on an NPC. One question I've had and will have to look up on gta forums or whatever - if you put a proximity on a car and the player calls the mechanic to deliver it, does the bomb disappear? And Stout, if that's what juvie is like, then no wonder you just don't play much when you get thrown in. That dude terrorized everyone in the room. The only sense of pride I can muster about my scuffle with him is that I managed to avoid every rocket he shot at me. I think I only managed to lock onto him maybe three or four during the entire fight, yet my shit was beeping just about nonstop. We were both circling one another, doing loop-de-loops and the whole nine. He was really good about being able to circle and stay behind me. I know a Top Gun reference is low-hanging fruit, but that's really what it felt like. "I can't shake him, Goose!!" Edit: One more thing that I've been meaning to ask you, Stout. Does the red gang car still spawn in the same spot? I ended up buying that garage for the same purpose after you talked about it. I spent about 20 minutes yesterday driving to and away from that spot, trying to get one to spawn. I was in a yellow gang car when I did it, and it was daytime in-game. Am I missing anything else?

Stout - I don't think I'll ever learn that lesson at this point. Old dog/new tricks and all. To update on that dude in the jet...holy shit, I should have just called it a day and switched rooms. His name was something like NGN Migraine, and damn if he didn't cause one. His crew was WARS, so that should have told me something. He must have bought the Hydra, because he'd be right back in it a couple minutes after crashing it. Dude was just flat out good. He was flying around killing everyone with the turret and the missiles. People on the ground...people in cars...it didn't matter. I called in a helicopter pickup so I could go to Zancudo. I was already way up north, and the guy was down at the airport. He must have been watching the map like a hawk, because he caught up to me and blew me up before I made it to the fort. I managed to get back in the fort and snag a jet before he got back to me, but he was close when I got in the air. We had ourselves a little dog fight for probably 10-15 minutes. He couldn't blow me up and I couldn't blow him up. I have gotten fairly decent at maneuvering the jet these days, so I was pretty confident I could get him. I couldn't - he was just too good. He finally flew off to go kill other people. I went to my apartment to watch him on TV for a while. He definitely wasn't cheating - he was just THAAAAAT DALLLLLM GOOOOOD. In a chickenshit move that I don't care is chickenshit because it's hilarious, I waited until he crashed his jet and called a mugger on him. If I'm still playing this game five years from now, watching a mugger shank somebody will still be hilarious to me.

I've been on for a little bit today. Played some golf with Roast. I couldn't buy a damn putt. Barely managed to finish even. Roast started having some issues - that weird one where you don't have a minimap, can't pull up the weapon wheel, etc. I decided to do my daily objectives. One was a LTS, and I happened to get an invite to one that was actually fun. It was called Miniguns vs Kurumas. One team is in a crate in the sky with the guns, and the other team tries to ramp up to knock them off. Good times. I had to look up how to do the other two objectives. One was parachute dangerously. The easiest way is to just pull your chute at the last possible second. The other was bribe the cops and cause havoc. I wasted so many grenades blowing up cars and didn't get it. Finally looked it up. Just get on a busy highway and block it off with a bus or a few cars or whatever. I let a few cars pile up and then threw one grenade. Done. Now I have to go get revenge because I was letting my chick hover in a buzzard way up high above Trevor's airfield to increase her flying skill while I typed this, and some asshole just got me in a jet. I swear to shit you aren't safe anywhere in this game. Edit: This fartbag is actually going off radar in a fucking jet. I will chase him from room to room to kill him if I have to. Edit 2: I just Allah Akbar'd someone named ArabGunner911. I think it might be time to retire it for me. I've reached the pinnacle of irony.

You'll have to jog my memory. For the life of me, I can't remember what the issue was. Was I getting clipped by NPC cars or something?

I kept trying to type a response, but I can't quit laughing. Can't top the dirt or latrine lines anyway.

Go here: http://socialclub.rockstargames.com/crew/death_valley_driver Sign up if you haven't already, then request to join (whatever it's officially called - you'll see the button) Someone higher up in the crew will have to accept it, so it won't be immediate. Message melraz09 on here - he can do it.

I'm disappointed. All he sent me was "call ur dumb crew". I second your disappointment Robert. All I got was this. This was after we had all beat the piss out of him a billion times. Before I got called back to the ring for the Horsemen match, I had signed on planning to watch HBO Go while I ate dinner. I see that a bunch are already on, so I'm like, "Well, I guess I'm eating bites of food in between blowing myself up in a car." I can't just pass up the opportunity to raise hell with you psychos. Most were actually leaving as I was joining, but Stout hung around. As usual, we were on fire when no one else was around to bear witness. We got in a groove with a dude on the beach. He had that damn ass marksman rifle and wore us out a few times. Then we got in good positions where he just couldn't handle both of us. He'd be so focused on Stout that I had all day to line up a headshot. He'd respawn and be so focused on me that Stout had all day to line up a headshot. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Correct me if I'm wrong Stout, but wasn't that the guy who had a buddy come blazing onto the beach to "help" him out? Well, he learned real quick that the beach is no place to be around us. We beat them both into passive to the point that one climbed up on a rock and just kept doing the humping motion over and over. Everything was just working our way. We even managed a couple of lifeguard 4-wheeler Allah Akbars without going off the radar. I think other people noticed the constant "RUkered has killed..." and "jstout423 has killed..." and all the explosions, because more started drifting toward the beach area. I don't think we had much issue out of any one of them except for me and that sumbitch who had my number a few times and then left before I could get revenge. Anything I left out, Stout? With all the near-constant fighting we were doing, I'm sure I missed a ton. By the time I joined the night shift, things were just a tad fuzzy, so I can't recall that many specifics.

I'm the type of guy who mostly focuses on the story and skips side quest stuff, so I still have a lot to do. If you haven't done Trevor's rampages, do those. They're a lot of fun. (Unless they're part of the story and I've just forgotten.) I'm part of the way through the Epsilon thing with Michael. If you haven't done it and don't know what it is, go online in-game and go to the Epsilon website. I think you start it by donating money. That's about all I can think of off the top of my head.

Well that's dumb. That would actually add some strategy to the race. Fine, I'll admit to only wanting to be able to do it so I can hit the "NOS" and toss out hacky Fast & Furious quotes. In Foghorn's voice, of course.