RUkered

I always love our collective response in those situations. *shoot dot for the 12th time* "This dude sucks. What level is he anyway?" "Aw man...he's a dalm level 8." *five seconds of silence* "Fuck 'em, he wandered over here." *shoot dot 13th time*

Oh yeah Dolfan, I forgot about that dude. He cracked me up because he blew you up and then Diddly Dumbass jumped in the water. Literally the only thing in the game that takes your guns away, and he does it with the two of us around.

I saw that you were playing the other day, Robert, but it didn't show you playing when I pulled the friends list up in the game. I hopped on for a little while yesterday to do some objectives. One was a team deathmatch. I sent out an invitation and Roast joined. I didn't even know he was on - I really hate how the One does that. You never know who's on, who's playing, who's joined your session, etc. Anyway, Roast and I went neck and neck for the most part, but the ending was hilarious. If I remember right (and correct me if I'm wrong, Roast), he shot me to make it 6-5 with me in the lead with about 20 seconds left. I pumped the button to respawn faster, respawned, took off sprinting around a crate/bus/something, and there he was in my face with a rifle. Caved my head in with the ass end of the rifle with about two seconds left to tie the score. I laughed my ass off. Stout and I had an interesting time today. He helped me get a Capture-GTA objective, and then we ran around in freemode for a while. We whooped the brakes off some kid named Punkinhead or something to that effect. He was just...terrible. There were a few like that. And then...then we received our karma for having such an easy time whipping ass. We were doing the Hunt the Beast freemode event, and I ended up killing another guy, thinking it was the beast. Apparently he has a bit of DVDR blood in him, because he decided that shit wasn't going to fly and chased me halfway across the map, off the radar, unbeknownst to me. Stout killed the beast, and I happened to roll up just after he did. Out of nowhere, I get slaughtered by the dude I killed. That led into about 20 minutes of him constantly having the high ground with that damn marksman rifle - just wearing me and Stout out. I think I finished down about 18-4 or something equally as pathetic before Stout rolled up in a car and we high-tailed it the hell out of there. It was a rough day. I turned the Xbox off feeling like a down-on-her-luck diner waitress in a movie. Just going home after a 14 hour shift, taking off my shoes, and passing out face-first on the bed in my clothes.

If I'm thinking of the right mission, the only thing you can do is get out of whatever vehicle you're in and hope for the best. Several of us did that one and were in a bus doing donuts up on a mountain somewhere, trying to wait out the wanted level, but it never happened until we all got out. Such a damn weird glitch. I got on a couple days ago to check out the new stuff. True to my word, the first thing I did was go check out haircuts and put my gal in a new outfit. I might as well just play the Sims and get it over with. Anyway, I had probably the worst, most annoying experience playing this game so far. There was a crew of about six in the room, all talking endless shit to anyone who would engage them. I shit you not - for a solid 20 minutes, 10 people were all talking and yelling over one another at the same time. It was like watching The View. I stayed in the room until my anxiety levels hit a fever pitch, then I ditched that room for another. I landed in a room with a guy who I swear was a grown man trying to sound like a little kid, and he was doing his best to talk like a gangster. N-word after n-word, and he kept saying shit like, "Y'all don't know me. Ask about me. I'm well known in these streets." It was almost funny if it wasn't so annoying. I decided to pull a Jstout Special and head straight for annoying boy. He actually got me about four times before I got him, but I sniped him a couple times. He would literally scream into the mic when I killed him. Then he said something like, "All you want to do is snipe. You don't want to get in close with real guns." Uhhh do h'wut now? So you're saying I'm being a chicken shit because I'm not in your auto-aim range? I then caught him in an alley while he was saying "You don't want none, bitch boy." I stepped out with the carbine and lit his ass up. He screamed bloody murder once again and left the room. I gotta say...that one felt good.

Hell Stout, I have floated around 2-3 million for a year, even with the old hooker and car selling money days. You have somehow stayed a billionaire while we all went broke. I think we all depend on your Trump-like bank account to buy all this shit, test it out, and report back.

Robert, I think our spa day is in order. When we're done, I'll help you figure out which shade of eyeliner goes best with your face tattoo.

The Mayor has just been getting worked to death. He's still around making sure the world is safe from 2 beer. Also, I think I've been playing with my female character too long because I read Dolfan's post and the thing I got most excited about was "OOOOOOH new haircuts!"

That had me cackling. That's one of the videos I recorded.

I'm so proud I dalm near shed a tear. That's hilarious. I never heard you in the party. I figured you were just too busy beating the hell out of that dude who was away from the controller. Stout killed the kid so much that he ended up having to cross two bodies of water to keep up with his respawns. Anyway, I really hate One parties. You can't tell if anyone has joined, left, etc., and it's annoying having to separately load the user list to launch or join one. Oh yeah Stout - I recorded two different clips of you raising hell if you want to check them out. If you don't see them, let me know. I'm still trying to learn exactly how that upload center thing works.

Yaaaaaaaay Cristobal you..........uh............won???? Saw this earlier today. I feel like it captures the DVDR spirit.

King of the mountain makes me want to throw my controller. The mayor and I already have a plan when he gets the One. He'll hang back in the distance and pop people to try and help me win it because, in his words, "I don't give a shit about winning. I just want to kill dots." And I have yet to do the cars in a bubble thing. The first time I tried, it had already started and I couldn't participate. The second time, it was literally as far north as you can go and everyone was south. I called in a chopper and headed that way. No one else seemed to care, so I thought it would be easy money. I landed the chopper to call in my car, and it expired when I was literally 10 feet from it. Dalm.

I feel like I would waste days playing with that truck ramp. Reading about all of AxB's singleplayer exploits made me decide to go back and do everything again. I basically did enough to not have to see the North Yankton sequence every time I wanted to play multiplayer when I picked this up for the One. One thing I've noticed is how different it feels. Online has thrown a wrench in my plans more than once. I keep leaving Michael's car randomly all over the map because I forget that I can't call my mechanic, so I end up driving real pieces of shit most of the time. And I suck...boy do I suck. I got really used to flicking the right stick back and forth on the 360 when I was fighting large groups so I could take out a bunch without letting up on the trigger. Not being able to do that has been a gigantic learning curve. Having to hit LT again in between kills is making me get my ass kicked. And I forgot just how long this game spends in tutorial mode. I feel like I'm pretty far in and it's still popping up from time to time with "This is a convenience store." "Welcome to the strip club." "This is Ammunation." I also got thrown for a loop when they had me go to the Lost trailer park as Trevor and blow shit up with sticky bombs. It specifically tells you to use sticky bombs, and I'm like, "But sticky bombs didn't exist when this game came out. How are they-ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Do any of you ever do any of the (can't remember what they're called) missions like Hasta La Vista? Bicycles versus semis and things like that. I know Dan and I did one once and got our asses whipped, but it was hilarious. I thought they were fun, but they kind of just showed up and then interest died pretty quickly.

The worst one I've ever had is doing the impromptu races. I have yet to con someone into doing one. Next time, I'm going to just message people and ask them straight up. And vehicle deathmatches. I think I'd sooner get a heist crew of randoms together before I'd get one person to accept my invitation to Desert Storm.

Ni- I say, nice boy, but he's got more nerve than a bum tooth.

I had mine called in when the mission started, but I endended up riding with a dude who had a Hotknife out because I've never actually seen one in the game before. We all rode the bikes. I only ate shit once and had to kill two cops. But I was tearing through armor and candy like crazy. I just got really lucky.

Yep. I give up. I was still a minute over the time limit. I did, however, do the Pacific Standard Job with randoms and we got it on the first try. Almost got the elite challenge too. I was shocked.

Thanks for the heads up. I'll give it a shot on a bike, but I'm not expecting much. Y'all have seen me do Tunnel Vision.

Try a fast bike. They'll especially help with that last hill. I came really close last night, but got into an accident in the intersection right before the turn off to the hill. Here's a good guide: http://youtu.be/hm5N7V_TI4Y Thanks man. I'll give it a shot. I thought I would be slick and try a helicopter. I should have known that wasn't allowed.

Had a hell of a run last night. Started out on the One - Roast, I didn't see you in there until we were doing that parachuting event. Then the Mayor's office called and I switched to the One. He's only able to do missions again, so we ran through a ton of them. For some reason, half of them are missing from the list on the start menu. Robert joined us for a while, and the three of us did our best to sabotage each and every mission as much as possible. The Mayor dropped off, and Robert and I were put into a room together. Two players were in there with no apparent association with each other - but their names were Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. Well hell, we gotta go mess with them. Only problem is...they made their namesakes proud. I managed a lucky kill or two, but they tore me a new asshole. Finally, Robert and I said fuck this and switched over to the One, where Stout was already on. We screwed around for a while, and I remember seeing it was after 3 am. The next thing I remember is waking up and it was after 5 am. I was trying to figure out where I was, when I suddenly heard Stout talk. I had passed out, sitting straight up in my recliner with my headset on. I just hope they didn't take the opportunity to drop subliminal messages in my ear, although I do have the sudden urge to put on a thong and go run through the neighborhood for some reason...

And they start off with OHHHHH SHIT and end with COME ON YOU DALM BASTARD

Has anyone completed any of those time trials? Am I missing something, or are they impossible? I'm talking like - time limit is 2:04 and I show up at 4:32 or some shit. And that's even taking the Melraz Luke Duke "as the crow flies" route.

Hiiiiii ho silver awaaaaaaaaay

That is one hell of a dream. I'm laughing my ass off. Mine are so boring that they don't hold a candle to vampire bikini ladies. Did you watch an Elvira marathon before you passed out? All this new stuff sounds fun as hell. I haven't been on since we all last played, but I should have some time tonight if anyone is around. I just hope I'm around at some point to see Robert racking up headshots on fools.

I've clicked the like button so much, I broke it.