RUkered

When my new loft is up and operational, NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED~! He's lying, guys. I got my invitation in the mail yesterday.

I'm still waiting on that elusive sniper kill. Melraz gets them all the time. I'm terrible at spotting people when I'm sniping though. And then even when I see them, I kind of panic if they're looking at me when I'm lining up the shot and push the right stick all over the damn place. I probably peaked with that shot. I know gamers generally call RPGs "noob tubes," but a kill is a kill to me. I think what I liked even better than my successes on that mountain was the simple fact that y'all got the idea to stand there. I line up beside you guys and I look at that map. "Holy shit - there must be 6 different little pink dots slowly chugging their way toward us. Those poor fuckers have no idea what they're walking into." Then I back out of the map and (if I remember right) it's you two standing there with scopes trained on the tracks and Mis up behind us with a minigun. Thanks for reminding me of that. I completely forgot about it. That was due to the real RPG master, Mis. We had a couple guys getting in a car on the other side of the river. Being that I have zero tactical sense in this game, I start heading toward the bridge and Mis is going, "No, don't go there. Turn around." I'm about to be like, "Why, what have you got planned?" when a rocket whizzes past and explodes inside that bridge. Speaking of having zero tactical sense, I also forgot about my other rocket moment. I figured out last night that I really need to pay more attention to that mini-map. I get run over way too often because I forget to look for white dots zooming toward me. I was walking down the street (stupid) when, I believe it was J.T., yelled for me to look out. Too late, I was too slow and the guy snagged me. It didn't kill me, but I got lucky and managed to stand back up before he had lined up to run me over again. Yanked out the rockets and took us both out. As I said before, I'll happily die if it means killing others.

It came and went for me. It was like the room was split. Sometimes I couldn't hear Mis and J.T., and other times they were coming in clear as a bell and I couldn't hear the others. I was crapping out more than usual even for my shitty, shitty router. I got a "You guys are total d-bags" PMs from SharkAttack and Blizzy overnight, so mission accomplished. We did what we set out to do. You guys may see some negative rep coming your way! I'm jealous. I feel like I have finally arrived when I get pissy PMs from people. I didn't really think about it until J.T.s post, but I really did stick to explosives all night. I think it was a desperation move because I got my ass handed to me for the first hour. Sharkattack and Onemancamperkiller (or whatever) just got the better of me. They then took off toward Fort Zancudo to get jets. The rest of the guys were still fighting in the city - my dumbass decides to split off and go up north to get some revenge. This Einstein's plan? Call in a Merryweather helicopter, slap 5 sticky bombs on it, and try to....wait for it.....fly into the jet. I honestly got a lot closer than I thought I would. I managed to somehow dodge a couple of his rockets before he got close enough that I thought I could blow it up, but I just ended up committing suicide. Oh well, even in failure, it was fun trying. And then my night took a turn. I got my two favorite kills so far. We were up fighting on a hill off the highway in Blaine County. Mis and I spent a while tag-teaming police choppers with miniguns. I hear J.T. say that they've got scopes trained on a ton of guys riding the train. I join them and we wait for the guys to 'round the bend. As it turns out, they're all riding alongside the train in cars. Since I suck with a sniper rifle, I missed killing two of the guys. I say screw it on the third guy and pull out the RPG. I lead the shot, and I'll be damned if the dude didn't drive right into the exploding rocket. It will be a million years before I pull that off again, but damn did it feel good. The last assholes I got were two guys in a red Zentorno. They were basically doing a 2 mile loop on that highway, like they were taunting us or something. It was seriously like timing enemy A.I. patterns in Metal Gear. Just give it enough time, and they'll follow the same path. Anyway, I probably wasted 2 clips of sniper ammo trying to shoot them out of the car. Once again, fuck this. I drive my Entity down to the highway, coat the road with 5-6 sticky bombs, then drive back up the mountain and wait. I pull out the sniper so I can see them coming. Sure enough, they're southbound once again. They get to the intersection and u-turn onto the northbound lanes. I follow them with the scope until they're right in the middle of my pile of joy, press left on the d-pad, and those bastards' car skidded fire like the Delorean going back in time.

That makes much more sense. I'm not home yet, so I can't check it - but if the social club is accurate. Total players killed: 1,507 Total deaths by players: 2,065 That sounds about right to me. After the day I've had at work, I'm incapable of the math. (I am basically math illiterate.) Also, my shooting accuracy is 26%. That also sounds about right. Completely forgot that I'm running around with 5 million. I need to hurry up and buy some stuff before they slap my wrists. I have no idea what I want. I'm thinking about a Zentorno, but I already have the Entity and now also the Adder (thank you hookers).

For the love of God, please never invite me to a tennis match.

So I had to go check my K/D out of curiosity after you guys were talking about it, and I'm starting to think the Social Club is buggy right now. 14,555 kills 3,140 deaths KD: 4.64 I called bullshit so hard I think I pulled a muscle. There's no way in hell. I think the last time I checked, it was 0.7 or something like that. Y'all have played enough with me to know how much I generally get my ass kicked.

Absolutely. I'm so happy I don't care about my K/D ratio, because if I did, I'd be one sad puppy. The only time I get irritated about dying is if it's some asshole pounding me into the pavement repeatedly. When another crew member kills me accidentally, I find it hilarious every time. Like you mentioning flying that plane into the building. Hilarious. The whole time I'm thinking, "We're headed right for that building. He'll turn at the last second. Yeah he should be turning right about n-BOOOM." Rather than fly into the city, we skidding in Con Air style. And I love Allah Akbar'ing when I can remember to do it. I'll happily detonate myself in my most expensive car if it means killing someone else. Back in the day, I used to like to "befriend" people, let them get in my car, and then drive straight at Mel acting like I was trying to run him over so he could snipe their heads off. It's amazing how many times people fell for it before they'd catch on. People must not look at crew tags or something.

So with all the "haha how docile we were back in the day" talk we've been doing for a few posts, I got a little nostalgic and decided to take a trip down memory lane and see what kind of players we were in the early days. It's pretty hilarious. Seems like a lot of us only played with one or two other people or just by ourselves. Apparently strength in numbers is what turned us into lunatics. Here's Stout talking about running from griefers and being "terrible at fighting back." The early days of the KD ratio... A lot of talk about playing crew/invite only sessions to avoid getting shot... Proof that there used to be a time where J.T. went to bed on time... And finally, the one that really cracked me up. There was a time when people thought I was the crazy one out of this bunch.

That picture is killing me, Dolfan. And don't worry J.T. - just accept it and let it flow. I only played with you guys a small handful of times before I recruited Melraz, but I don't seem to remember us being psychos before then. Hmmmm... (kidding Mel) As I mentioned the other night, I do remember the days of Stout talking about running the minute a white dot got near him. That's around the time I had the rule of "I won't mess with anybody until they mess with me. Then it's on." My God, how far we've come. Nowadays, our rule seems to be, "We'll whip your ass until you go passive, then we'll get a tank to knock your ass off that ledge so another one of us can drown you with a firetruck. Sorry about your damn luck." By the way, how many catchphrases are we up to now? So far, my tally is: -Sorry about your damn luck -CAUSE WE ARRRRRRE THAAAAAAAT DAAAAAAAALM GOOOOOD -That boy, I say, that boy's about as sharp as a pillow full of feathers (substitute any Foghorn quote at your leisure) -I'd also vote that Mis's hearty "OH WHAT THE FUCK" counts as a catchphrase at this point

I don't know about that, but the few times I've accepted apartment invites out of curiosity, it's been nothing but a bunch of dudes in nothing but short shorts doing the jack off motion non-stop.I hate to beat a dead horse, but one exception was the night we fought Bane. He simply invited us in because we were FIIIIINE GENTLEMEN AND WORRRRTHY FOES.

I would have also agreed with a message like that last night. ThatsTheGuy813 or whatever destroyed me. I might have managed two kills on him. I believe he's the one who, in a similar situation to what Mis talked about, was up in the construction zone sniping me. It KEPT spawning me in the middle of the same street down the hill from him. He must have gotten me 7 times before I could get away. A little later, Stout sets up a crew only room and sent us invites. Now I hadn't seen the dude who was kicking my ass for probably 20 minutes. I go into the menu to accept Stout's invite and see the deathscreen. That asshole somehow snuck back up and had to get one last one in. I guess that's my fault for not going passive or at least checking the map, but still. Normally, I can't let that go and would have at least had to get one last kill on him before tucking tail and running. I figured just going with plain tuck tail and run was the better option. I should have known what the night was going to be like because, within the first few minutes of playing, a dude rounded a corner in a car. "That asshole is going to come straight for me. I'll cram this RPG right up his ass." *waits until car is close enough that the dude can't swerve and I can't miss *shoots RPG *misses car by about 2 feet to the right *gets creamed I'm going to start keeping Yakety Sax on a loop while I'm in freemode. Oh, and before I forget: "DO I HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH THE HOOKER ONCE SHE'S DEAD OR DO I JUST DRIVE IN THE GARAGE?????"

I'm glad you posted that J.T. I had no context for "Mary Lou" until then. It's weird because I'm at that age where it's all "music sucks" and "get off my lawn," but y'all must have a few years on me because I didn't know Mary Lou. This was my Mary Lou. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2m6fEPyb4M

I picked this one up a few months ago and like it a lot. I know I didn't pay 40 bucks for it though. Screw that. http://www.gamestop.com/xbox-360/accessories/xbox-360-bluetooth-wireless-headset/93053 I like it because it's not some big head-covering apparatus. The one that comes with the Xbox drove me crazy.

Dammit - I always miss Herby. Was he on before or after I was on? Apologies to everyone if I seemed weird and/or quiet. I may or may not have gotten into "2 beer" and talking was a bit difficult. I basically remember buying the monster truck and driving down to where everybody was raising hell on the beach. I have no idea if I killed anyone or not. I probably just drove around in the truck like a drunk ass. Did I drive your Panto for a while Stout? I seem to have a vague memory of it.

I definitely would like to test drive that Panto before you get rid of it, Stout. I promise to keep it off the mountains so I don't swan dive into a river in 5 minutes.

It was a 2 door. That's what I wanted, so it worked out, but I wasn't about to mention it wasn't a 4 door in my post. When I put it in my garage, I had to laugh. Stout's posts about not having 2 of the same type of class were running through my head. I didn't realize how ridiculous my garages are. Here's garage one: (apologies - I don't remember all the actual car names) -Entity -Coquette -Lost bike -Akuma -Jeep -6x6 -beach buggy -Dune buggy -Sandking -Sanchez That's right, get to twitchin' Stout. SIX offroad vehicles, and I haven't run an offroad race in months. I'm ridiculous. To make it worse, I decided to put a Sabre in what I thought was my empty second garage, only to find that, at some point I don't remember, I stuffed a 4-wheeler in it. So make that 7 offroad vehicles. I'm worse than Mel and motorcycles.

Hey Mel, Just wanted you to know that with all this talk of Sandking off-road races, I decided I wanted one. Hopped on a few minutes to look. Choppered up to Sandy Shores, parachuted out, turned the corner, and there sat one in someone's driveway. Drove it to my garage to mod later. Total Sandking shopping time: 10 minutes

Yeah, Robert manages to shoot me at least once a game if I am not wearing a leather jacket. So you're saying I should never drop the hockey mask and desert camo armor? Actually, I can't drop the armor. I turn it off and I can still see it. Mel told me it was a bug and at least one of you were having the same issue. Anyway, I rarely change my look unless I get a wild hair and want my dude looking suave. Then it's all black dress pants, vest with shirt, full head of hair and sunglasses. That lasts up until I start getting my ass whipped and then it's, "screw this, I need my battle look." It's kind of like turning your hat around in Over The Top. "It's like a...like..like a switch you know? I'm...like a machine. Like a truck."

Deathmatches with the DVDR...

To you guys who have done indoor deathmatches, what's your general opinion of them? I bookmarked a couple user created ones way back when (I think one was in the FIB building), but never got the chance to play them.

Speaking of Sandkings, y'all should ask Mel about when he first started playing and bought himself one.

Now look here son. 'At boy was ju- I say, that boy was just dirty and we were freshening him up a bit. Helping him out son. I bet his controller vibrated all the way to whatever other room he was in as much as you were hosing him. Don't be AFK around the DVDR, people.

I hope that's true. I will bathe in the sweet tears as rockets proceed to get crammethed up arses.

I agree with you guys. I haven't cried foul once that I can remember about the changes, but it's beyond ridiculous at this point. It looks like we should start grinding shitty missions for a few weeks so they'll strip them down to shit and leave the good ones alone. It takes a lot of balls to keep pushing heists further and further out AND screw with the most popular missions.

It is on PlayStation, so I'm assuming it should be. Obviously I'm just talking out of my back side though.