RUkered

I'm dying because I remember you pointing out one night that, in one ear, you hear your wife praying in another room. In the other ear, it's us yokels all "FUCK YOUR ADDER ASSHOLE!!" and the like.

Yep - I basically got feet crammed up my ass all night. I know what Robert is talking about now - that new sniper can go to hell. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to line up a shot while the dude is side-stepping all over the place tagging you repeatedly. I finally got frustrated enough that I loaded my dude character so I would at least have all my toys. I got a few more kills because I had the heavy sniper, but I still got whooped up one side and down the other. Like Stout mentioned, a lot of those early deaths were because I wasn't focused or really trying. For some reason, when it's just me and Stout in a party, it turns into a Dr. Phil session and playing the game is just a side distraction. I remember he and I played for a few hours one Sunday, and at one point, we were just standing on a hill off the highway up north gabbing like two old women at a bingo hall. One of the guys that kept beating my ass eventually sent me a friend request and a message, but it was in Portugese. I ran it through Google Translate and he was basically saying, "Sorry for beating the shit out of you so much. I'll quit and we can join up on other people." (paraphrasing) I was fine with that, but then he killed Stout, so fuck him - back to killing his ass. Anyway, it was good to have Melraz back for an extended period. Glad that it seems to be working now *knock on wood* And yeah - Ultimate Arab eating a rocket is pure poetry.

Then who is Robert? I don't recall any characters somersaulting through enemy compounds. You guys weren't kidding. This is funny to see. What is it Mel? The Charleston? Cha Cha? The Humpty Dance? "First I limp to the side like my leg was broken" had never been done in a cowboy hat until tonight.

No way man. You're the group's tactical expert. You haven't been pushing too many pencils on Mars.

This guy up here ↑↑↑↑↑, acting like he can't find the on button on a computer and I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. I'll remember this when I try to get you to back up your Minecraft maps. Sounds like I missed a hell of a time during the holidays. I wish I could have been there for the Mis run-in. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed of the fact that I marked out a little reading Stout's post in J.R.'s voice. I imagined it like when Stone Cold came back to help clear out the Invasion from the ring. "BAH GAWD HE'S TALKING!!! HE'S TALKING NOW!!!"

Yeah guys, if we do any deathmatches anytime soon and I'm not on Mel's team, I'm backing out to go file my nails or something less head-splitting.

What a time to be out of likes... And I knew I should have brought my Xbox back home. I say I will every time. Next time, it's really happening. And Mel, speaking of you and bad rep, did Mur Mur Pistol even give you any?

I'm terrible about shopping in public rooms. I'm always like "There are no dots near me. I'll be quick." Nearly every single time, the menu disappears and all I can do is stand there with my new britches on while I get gunned down. Chasing them down and making their life hell afterwards is fun though. You'd think a woman in terry cloth short shorts would get a little more respect...

I was sailing the raging waters, singing sea shanties with my mates, when I get a call from Melraz: "Have you seen the forum?" I get on here and see a dunce cap, docked the boat, and switched over to 360 where Stout and Robert have a party going. I join up and Stout and I do a couple missions while Robert gives us a rundown of all the chaos going on. The Horseman blood runs thick, because my first thought was, "So how many cars do I need to blow up and how many games do I need to quit so I can go to GTA jail and cause chaos with our fallen brother?" In all seriousness, the funniest part of the whole thing to me was that he probably got the dunce cap for blowing up 80 bajillion Zentornos over the last year, yet all we kept hearing over the headset was, "BOOOOOOOM fuck your Zentorno buddy!!!" You can put a man in a dunce cap, but while you were busy making sure it fit, he's pulled a RPG out of his back pocket and shoved it straight up your shiny super car's tailpipe anyway.

Mel lays a lot of cable in that basement. I'll see myself out.

Shit, Technico reminded me that Chris wanted me to mention that to you, Mel. I'm using that setup to hardwire my PC downstairs while the router and modem are upstairs. It works really well. You could plug your router/modem into one upstairs, and then plug the PS3 and Xbox into the other one downstairs. I could be wrong, but I don't remember having to do any configuration. I think it was just plug and play.

I'm sitting in a pretty busy restaurant by myself laughing like an insane person.

Don't let him lie to you, boys. He's down there practicing the moonwalk.

I was at a buddy's house earlier today -xthundercats in the crew. He has GTA for the One, so I was trying it out. I like it. I figured I would be terrible at driving, but it's not as bad as I imagined. It's gets a bit difficult if you're going up or down. I finally had to switch to 3rd person to get up Vesuvius. But enough about that. The reason I'm posting is because I decided to give online a whirl. It took forever to load, and when it did, there was only one other person. I did a double-take and realized it was HERBY!!!~! He was on the other side of the map and I wasn't on the headset, so I can't technically say I've played with him or heard "hey guys," but it was a sighting nonetheless.

And he hit me with a surprise text My ear left hurting Phone calls still going Just like the day Oh like the day I heard BA-DING

I signed on the One to play a little Assassin's Creed Black Flag and saw you guys on. The only reason I didn't switch over is, as Katt Williams said, "I had to wake up before Jesus and the Mexicans" for a meeting and I knew I wouldn't have enough willpower to sign off and go to bed at a decent hour if I got going with you guys. I stuck to stabbing people in 1783 and took my ass to bed at a decent hour, although I felt like I was betraying the Horseman the whole time. I don't know if it shows you what game I'm playing or if it just says "Xbox One," but the whole time I was going, "God, I hope they don't think I'm on here playing GTA since it was just released today." After reading your descriptions of what happened, I'm kind of relieved I didn't get on. I would have ended up 573-12 and about 700k lighter. Edit: Almost forgot - Ba-Ding!

Digital Underground AND Skee-lo? I knew you were a good dude. In lieu of that, I'll accept the fact that they put "I Got 5 On It" on there, the song that's my number one "I've been singing this for years, yet the only lyrics I know are the title" favorite song.

All the citizens who crawled out of the hospital with head wounds have voted to put the mayor on a temporary hiatus, pending further review. I'll be there for you come voting day.

I just want to say I BA-DING. Sorry, just want to say I had a BA-DING. Shit. I had fun. I love luring unsuspecting dots into our traps. People absolutely do not check for crew tags. I laugh because our one rule is don't kill crew, but the second somebody climbs in my personal vehicle, it's "Stout he actually got in the car! RPG! RPG! RPG!" And that's why there were so many technical difficulties. I can't have a going away party. I may have a shiny new toy, but the jester of Los Santos ain't going anywhere. There are far too many Zentornos left to blow up.

What kind of idjit was this guy? "Yeah kid, that's why the minigun unlocks at 120. It's a modder's reward."

I forgot about that too. It was your ass if you drove up the hill above Mama Maria's or whatever it was called through Mafia land. 50 suits firing shotguns at you from all sides. I used to make a game out of that. Blaze through there in that black car with the flames down the sides and see if I could survive. I don't recall making it very often.

Didn't they have a relationship status thing that would deteriorate if you didn't hang out with people enough? I might be remembering wrong, but I seem to recall worrying about that before getting too tired of it to care. And I agree Technico, it would be hard to go back to the old ways. The ending of 3 almost gave me a stroke. "Oh, you made it out of the gate? Then one of the eight billion guards will kill you." "Oh, you killed all the guards? Well that chopper is taking off and you have about three rockets to shoot at it. Good luck asshole!!"

Someone posting on another forum after joining our party: "I mean they seemed like nice guys, but they kept talking about beer and watering the grass in these Foghorn Leghorn accents. They kept yelling ba-ding randomly. I don't know what the fuck they were on about, but I'm never joining them again." I got on for a while yesterday and had the typical ups and downs. A guy killed me in freemode, so I wore his ass out and gave him the patented Robert "yeah, go ahead and get in your personal car to chase me...I promise it won't blow up or anything." Just when I was feeling good about myself, I decide to do missions with randoms. People voted for a LTS match, then everyone dropped out but me and one other guy. The match starts and it's forced pistols. I died in about one minute. The dude that killed me........level 3. I was like "welp, I'll show myself out." Then I had the rarest of events happen. Got on a run of contact missions with some guy and we were just in sync. Did Blow Up 2 (I think) where you save the yellow Comet. He hides in an alley and I call Lester to lose the stars. Quick and easy. We did three or four in a row and it was like we were coordinating on headsets. The guy sent a message that said "kicking butt" and we exchanged a few pleasantries. I was so impressed I gave him a positive rating. It was like "who am I right now?" If I see him again, I may chat with him to make sure he's not a squeaky 12 year old. He might be a good recruit. I don't recall him being crew affiliated, but I could be wrong. I believe his name was A PSYCHO J3W. Mel, you would have liked him because we did the RV-stealing mission, and he's blasting the thing over mountains. Sends me a message that says "RV means all terrain right??" I was like - this kid is a good shit.

JUUUURUMMMY SPOKE I-HIN CLA-HAH-HASSS TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Damn it, all of you. Bah gawd damn it!! This is what my text history looks like today. Just multiply this by about four.