RUkered

Was this the gentleman who paid you a large sum for certain back alley services?

Sounds like I should have skipped bed and stayed on a little longer, because damn did the universe ever balance out the fact that I had a few good days of sniping. Leslie Chow was a rolling death storm. Might be the toughest guy I've faced. One of the few times I killed him, his health was low already and he still almost got me. Fargin sneaky bastage. It was funny because Stout and I were having a tough time and then Robert joined. We were both like "awwww shit, y'all have had it now!" I also need to check my settings because I never know when anyone signs on or starts playing until I see them on the map. Oh yeah Stout, I don't know if this was the issue or not, but I read online that low batteries can cause issues with a party, and mine were. I swapped them while you were rebooting, so I'm not sure which one fixed the issue.

I got on yesterday, and as Stout likes to say, luck was on my side and I got to be the hammer. If you ever see these two guys in a room... ...don't touch that dial, because you're about to have the most fun you've ever had playing this game solo. I was checking my objectives when I got splattered by a Zentorno. I was going to just leave it alone and focus on my objectives, but when I checked to see who killed me and saw TommyHellRaiser with a crew tag of H8TR, I couldn't just let that shit slide. I must be getting a bit cocky due to my recent string of not playing like total shit, because I actually said, out loud, "You don't know what you just did, son." Everything I tried worked. Granted, they're not that high leveled, but I was handling my business against both of them at the same time. I only finished up on them by one or two kills, so it wasn't a Melraz/Robert total domination fest, but I damn sure gave them hell. The sniper was just singing for me all day. I'd get them one right after the other - stepping out around corners, running across the street, head poking up out of cover - it didn't matter. If the sumbitching police weren't constantly wearing my ass out, I think I would have done even better. I gave them a taste of some sticky bomb/proximity mine traps when needed too, and when they tried rolling up in that Zentorno, the rocket was crammethed up their asseseth. I shot them both one last time and then took off to Ammunation to resupply, and they didn't bother following me. That made me laugh. I like to think they were like Riggs and Murtaugh fighting Jet Li at the end of Lethal Weapon 4. "You want to go ask him? Come on man, he ain't worth it. I'm about to retire, and you're about to have a grandkid. He ain't worth it, Riggs."

I'm just glad someone was finally around to see it. Every other time I'm by myself and I come on here like "Nuh uh guys....I totally swear I don't play like a drunken toddler all the time. I was totally sniping more much gooder than normal." The problem is I'll do that for a few minutes, and then it all goes to hell. I don't know how you and Melraz do it so consistently. If I could nuke that stupid rifle from the game, I'd personally send Rockstar money to do it. Every encounter with it goes like this: Me - Lines up heavy sniper shot Them - Pegs me twice with the pea shooter Me - Strafes left and right while shooting the wall on either side of their head Them - Pegs me two more times, killing me After you got off, I finished my objectives and then got kicked for idling. (Yes, I was BA-DING'ing) Is it just me or does that happen more often on the One? I've never had it happen on the 360, but in three or whatever days on the One, I've been kicked for idling at least three times. Anyway, I get into a room and two dots are near me. I shoot them, and then check their levels. 90-something and 200-something...and they're in a crew together. Great - I have kicked yet another hornet's nest. I got in a car and took off. I expanded the mini-map and see a white dot with the number 2 on it heading toward me. I just happened to be beside a bus, so in the honor of Robert, I threw a sticky on it, got in, and went off radar. I waited on Dumb & Dumber to come screaming around the corner and blew the sticky when they were beside of me. Took out them, their personal motorcycle, and half the city block. You weren't kidding about the explosion on those things, Robert. They ended up getting me a couple of times due to shitty spawns, and then I got separated from them just enough to get into cover. They were at the construction site, and my rare sniping skill decided to make a run-in. I got them both going up a ladder. We traded shots here and there and stayed pretty much even - they may have ended up one on me by the end. I kept my patience and just kept my scope trained on where I thought they were. Finally, I saw them both. Took them out one after the other and then decided to haul ass out of that room while the getting was good. Edit: Forgot my favorite part. One guy was using the marksman rifle for a while, so I decided to try and give him a taste of his own medicine. Both dots were on the ground, around a corner, and I was waiting on them. The one closest to me went off radar, and I'm thinking, "Really dude? Do you really think that's how this works?" Sure enough, he steps out and I busted his ass with the marksman. That one felt good.

Submarine guy wins major points for escape efforts. Stout is a GTA ninja. I was on doing objectives and had a kid do Top Fun with me. He picked a Capture on the voting screen, so I figured he needed it for an objective and helped him out. I sent an invite out just for the hell of it, and Stout appeared. It was a Besra delivering capture, so we all managed to crash nearly every one we got in. After Stout left, I accepted a heist invite. It was the Humane Labs EMP one where you steal the Hydra. (I forgot there are more songs on the radio stations in this version...this will come into play in a second.) Three of us are in jets dogfighting the attacking jets, and if I'm lying, I'm dying - Danger Zone came on. I'm still laughing about it. Sometimes this game just works...

It's hard to teach old dogs new tricks. Robert and I were in a room and a party together for about 10-20 minutes before I could figure out why we couldn't hear each other. I think my Kinect was messing things up, but needless to say, party chat on the One is...different. Stout got on later and we all did our usual until I wussed out for bed. Good playing with you guys again. One word of warning to all the One players out there. With the amount of buses that spawn in the One version, just because one is headed toward you does NOT mean it is an NPC and you're safe. You're about to be Roblah Akbar'd.

Well that's good news. They made it look like I had to make Sophie's Choice. Sounds good man - I'll be around.

No I think I get it too. I can't seem to get shooting down or something, and that handbrake thing is already throwing me. I also feel drunk trying to snipe with the focus blurring when you move. (Please tell me that's real and I'm not having a stroke.) I will have to get used to it. I had a hard time deciding which character to transfer. Most of the stats on my dude appeared to be bottomed out for some reason, so I picked the chick. Might as well get next-gen molested, right? Stout...3/4 Horsemen reunion? I was gonna say something about Starrcade, but I think we're more Bash at the Beach.

I've talked about it for a long time, but I finally broke down and got it for the One after work. It was a used, cheaper copy, so I figured what the hell. (Don't worry Mel, I'm not done with the 360 either.) I just popped it in and figure all the updates should be finished installing around Thanksgiving. What's different about the controls?

If you're doing the 360 version, I should be around too. To be clear, if you're talking about the One, don't feel obligated to switch over on my account. After all this time on the board, I still mix up DVDVR names with Xbox names and real names. Dragon - without using your real name or Xbox name in case you don't want either posted - you're the pilot, right? If so, I saw you get on and then switch to another game. Does it start to load and then kick you back off?

Is that what that is??? I had my spawn set for the garage, so I noticed it a few times over the last couple of days. I just assumed there was a jet asshole nearby without looking at the map. Never occurred to me that it's a glitch. It's annoying as hell though. I've been getting on just about every day to do my daily objectives (unless I get some that are too much of a pain in the ass to be worth it). I ran into what I will now consider my archenemy, and I hope I run into him again, because he pulled some of the biggest bitch moves I've seen. I have to admit that what he did in the end was clever as hell, but it still legitimately pissed me off. I had to tell myself, "You're a grown man and it's a game - just finish your objectives and turn this shit off." One of my objectives was to collect a bounty, and I spent way too long trying to set a bounty on someone who was nearby and get them before anyone else did. This particular dickhead (RedRover314 or something along those lines) got one of my bounty attempts, so I decided to focus my efforts on him. He was one of those who likes to troll around the map in a Kuruma. I blew him up three different times, and he'd just keep calling them back in. When he would actually get out of the car and fight, he got up about 5-3 on me, so he wasn't bad by any means. I got in a sniper fight with him, tagged him once, and he ran around the corner to......get in another Kuruma. Once I had time to call Lester to set a bounty on him, I put a $9,000 on him. Stout's words were echoing in my mind - "If you're gonna do it, do it right." Well, this fucker immediately leaves the room. Constant Kuruma was bitch move #1, leaving the room was #2. I went into my recently met players list through the Xbox menu because I was going to follow him, but I couldn't find him. Is there any other way to do that? Anyway, I said fuck it and loaded up Top Fun 3 to get my Versus mission out of the way. No one was joining for several minutes, and then who shows up but Red Rover. I think, "I'm fairly decent at this...maybe I can get my payback this way." Here is where bitch move #3 comes in. He waits until the mission is about to load and then I get a message telling me the mission was canceled because there aren't enough players. I spawn back into freemode and realize ever so late that his ass just spawned right behind me. I whipped out the shotgun and turned around, but it was too late. It was about this time that it clicked just what he had done. I was pissed as shit, but like I said, I did have to admire the effort he went to to be a complete dick. By the time I respawned, he was halfway up in Blaine County in his stupid Kuruma again. I had wasted about two hours at that point just trying to do three objectives, so I said forget it and just loaded Top Fun again. Am I butthurt and whining about it? You dalm right. I finally got a random to do it with me, and when it ended, he voted on Top Fun 2. I decided to do it, and he used a tactic that is so dirt simple that I'm ashamed I never thought of it. Rather than drive the Coquette toward the marker, he turned around and jumped into the airport to steal one of my jets. It's risky as hell because I almost (and should have) got him before he got in the air, but I figure it's worth trying. I don't think I've ever successfully made it in a car anyway.

The Mayor posting from his motherland!

I noticed that last week too. I don't remember it happening before either. Now I have to tilt the chopper way to the right before I jump out. Nothing like spending an eternity climbing up really far to make sure you're high enough and dying immediately. And usually, I've called in a Merryweather chopper and shot the guy (obligatory: "Sorry, Stout."), so I'm out a grand and can't call them for another one.

No kidding. They just feel so dalm tedious - more than anything else in the game. I think I'd rather do heists with randoms than have to do that crap. On the same subject of objectives, I finally found the one that's basically impossible solo - impromptu race. I kept driving near people and shooting out invitations. All I got for my efforts were bullets in the face. I had GTA Race as my last objective, so I queued up the Melraz Special™ - Driving Range GTA, with shitty weather and cops turned on. It couldn't have turned out any better. The guy blew me up and took a huge lead, so I decided to be a dick and throw a proximity mine on the bridge, then I just drove around the water. I got the message that he blew up, but it completely backfired. I barely finished the race because he damn sure got his payback. I drove over a proximity, respawned, drove about 30 yards, hit another proximity, respawned, etc. The fucker threw out all five of them and got me three times. I was laughing so fucking much I could barely control the cart.

Nate and I always do that, but I wanted to whoop this random's ass. I...did not. Edit: By that, I mean, if it weren't for my proximity mines making him quit, he would have won. I got on yesterday to do the objectives and ended up in a team deathmatch with two others. I came damn close to winning it, but two was just too much to handle for me. When we spawned into freemode, the dude who won rolled up in a personal Insurgent. I got in and we rode around shooting the hell out of people for a while. He was like honorary DVDR.

I have discovered that the upside to having to do Capture: Hold for a daily objective is that you get to laugh your ass off every time the promixity mine you threw on the opponent's base blows them up. Dude got so mad he quit early.

The sad part is I don't even know who that was. I did a team deathmatch for a daily objective, but I didn't pay attention to the name. I'm guessing it was him, but it's not like I was riding in a car with him in freemode or anything. I swear I'm going to put my female character in a hockey mask and a bulky winter coat. I also got my first jet machine gun kill. My other two objectives were "steal a vehicle from a military base" and "lose a 4-star wanted level." Goes together like peanut butter and jelly. While I was flying around waiting to lose my 4 stars, I noticed a bounty was waaaay off the map out in the east coast ocean. I say fuck it, why not? Switched to the guns and headed out. I almost crashed in the water, but I got the guy on the first try. Lucky shot. I was expecting to get a cuss-filled message, but he didn't do anything. I did, however, laugh my ass off because I'm sure he thought he was completely safe way out there, riding out his bounty. Nope...not when a DVDR asshole is in town. We're like throwing a pit bull in a chicken coop.

I will say that I have a nice streak in me, and I'll usually give someone the benefit of the doubt. Two reasons I'm gonna stop: 1 - Nine times out of 10, I just get shot and we go to war anyway. 2 - If they don't kill me, I get followed, humped, asked if I'm really a girl, and get nonstop friend requests.

That sounds fun as shit. I don't race much outside of getting daily objectives, but I'll do crazy ones any time. Mel needed a race for an objective yesterday, and he claims he didn't realize that he picked Tunnel Vision, but... After we earned our 25k for objectives, we proceeded go blow about 400k in explosives. I finally know what you guys talk about when you say you're Godzilla. Sure, we got killed a few times, but it was like we were fighting the Keystone Cops. One poor sap NEVER killed either one of us. I even ran at him in a car to give him a chance to kill me, and I still splattered him. The only people that gave us any trouble were two dudes in an Insurgent. I'm really starting to hate those. I'd rather fight tanks. We had one kid who must have decided "if you can't beat them, join them," because he kept running up to Mel with no weapon and doing the bro love waving thing, but Mel just kept whooping his ass until he left. Mel even made himself a friend in the form of a guy who messaged him to say "stop you cunt." As Ice Cube said, it was a good day.

Andrew's coming over tonight, I'll have his girl on shooting a buncha dots with you. Is she a Jehovah's Witness? I might know a fellow on this very board that might want to fly back from space.

That's because it's you two fighting people. I found a video of what it's like to be getting your ass whipped and see Melraz and Robert sign on (first 20 seconds). Thanks for reminding me of that. I think that's my new favorite message of all time. Never been begged for help before. Oh yeah...sure thing Lowe's...be right there...

I think we managed to find the fight you were looking for. I'm glad we did the heist or else I'd be broke as shit from freemode. Oh yeah, if you're manning the chopper gun in the Humane Labs Raid, and you think it's over and you just have to fly back, yeah...don't think you can drop your attention. My controller was laying in my lap and I hear BUUURKE WTF ARE YOU DOING??? I look up and the mini map is covered in red - Buzzards and trucks and all kinds of shit. Whoops. Earlier, Nate and I were raising freemode hell and decided to sticky bomb a car up and try to drop it on somebody with a cargobob. It was going great until I checked the map to find dots and somehow set the damn bombs off. Between that and the heist, I need a helmet and a corner to sit in sometimes.

Thanks for the tips. Nate told me about a couple of them, but I can never remember. Just remembered a story I meant to put on here a few days ago. Made me crack up. I killed a guy near his Kuruma and was going to steal it. He had the access set to passengers because I got in the back seat. I decided to sit there and see how stupid he was. Sure enough, he comes sprinting back to his car with me sitting in it. I AP pistoled his ass right in the dirt and he couldn't do a thing about it. I was cracking up.

If any of the other ones got any tougher, then I'm never fucking doing them again. I think I finally managed to get through all of them, but just barely. I can't seem to find good hiding spots equivalent to the Boneyard trailer. Hell, not that it matters anymore. I was still getting tagged even when I was in cover. Once Dolfan went down, I don't think I lasted more than a few seconds. I was unloading combat MG rounds like Schwarzenegger at the end of Commando, and it didn't make a difference. They were swarming. On another note, I have also realized that I would probably rather get a Capture as an objective than "deliver a vehicle to Simeon." First of all, I'm still shitty at identifying which cars are which. So yesterday, I googled the ones in the list and started driving around looking for them. One was an SUV, so I focused on that. I climb in the first SUV I see and think, "This will help spawn them." NOOOOPE. I sat on the side of the highway in a Cavalcade (I think), watching for different SUVs to drive by. I almost took a picture at one point, because it was literally nothing but Cavalcades as far as the eye could see. I've never had that happen before. I bet I spent 20 minutes or more just looking for that shit. I finally switched rooms to see if it would fix the problem, and it did. But D.A.L.M.