Search the Community

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 20, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) In the full disclosure department – this is the one episode of NXT that I have watched before. Way back when, when I was rummaging around Hulu, I randomly decided to watch NXT and I picked this episode because the screen cap was nothing but William Regal’s face. It turned out to be a great choice because this episode is fucking awesome. WHAT WORKED Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger starts the show… again. What is interesting is that originally this all started because of Kruger attacking Tyson Kidd and even though that only happened a couple of weeks ago; the angle is now all “THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BACK IN SOUTH AFRICA! LEO KRGUER IS A CRAZED EX-MILITARY GUY WHO HAS SEEN SOME SHIT!!” These guys are good together in the ring so I would rather this than a bunch of other matches. This week, Gabriel is trying to act all hard… which consisted of him doing more hair pulls in this match than I have ever seen in a NXT women’s match. One of the reasons that I like Kruger matches is that (and I think I have discussed this before but I ain’t fucking looking back) he will work over a body part (usually an arm) instead of the “HEY! I SAW RANDY ORTON DO A CHINLOCK!!! I WILL DO IT TO!!! FACE OF THE COMPANY HERE I COME!!!” This match was really fun, and better than the first one, with the one caveat that I never want to see Gabriel throw a punch again. The story makes sense as Gabriel can’t put Kruger away, gets frustrated, which allows Kruger to go back to attacking the same arm where he eventually gets a submission win. Tyson Kidd might wanna find someone else to avenge him. Regal’s apology to Kassius Ohno is as great as one would expect when Regal is given mic time. And Ohno is wearing his “Fighting Spirit” shirt so… what a mark that guy is or something. I love love love Regal as the devil trying to atone for his sins. It’s even better when you realize the whole point of the Regal/Ohno feud is that Ohno is pissed that Regal is ashamed of his prior deeds. “DON’T BOO ME!!! I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!!!” Yeah, Ohno is fucking great. Alas, if only Regal hadn’t taught Ohno to not be such a doughy fatboy. Anyway – Regal’s tipping point is the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club so as Ohno brings that up, Regal decks him again and then acts all despondent. Yeah – this is your fucking feud of the year. Luke Harper vs. Adrian Neville is really fucking outstanding. Harper can dish out a great big man beating on a little man ass whooping (especially when he hits the big boot) but he can also sell really well for tiny guys which is what makes this work. When Neville starts getting his hope spots in, they are totally believable. Of course, Harper fucking murders him with the lariat for the win. Then the chaotic brawl happens AFTER the match which is really the way it should be. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Tony Dawson’s “This One Is Over” count – 4 ½. Does no one provide him with any feedback? Sigh… I am gonna get the Rock/Cena hype video every week for the next month aren’t I? Bayley finally shows up on NXT. She is taking on Paige. Ignoring Bayley almost landing on her head on a snapmare the first move of the match this affair was fine. It probably should be on the other half of the column but this is a really strong week for NXT so the bar is higher. Just lots of little things – like Bayley worked over the shoulder that Paige had “injured” a few weeks back but no mention of that from the announcers and then Paige gets a submission win out nowhere. And Summer Rae does a weird fake run in. Oh and since the match was so short, there wasn’t much time for the crowd to get their masturbation money’s worth. Ugh… I guess Punk/Taker hype videos too. Fucking hell – next week is a Road to WrestleMania show??? That might be a pass. They probably should stop announcing Luke Harper as being from Rochester, NY.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 13, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Kassius Ohno vs. Derrick Bateman opens the show. I won’t complain though I am really not sad that Bateman is now on Impact where it is so easy for me to ignore him. And God Bless – his punches were definitely destined to get him a TNA contract. Every time Ohno is on a show you have moments of William Regal selling “Can we just move on before I have to beat his ass?” In fact the only reason this is up on this side of the report is the after match stuff with Regal storming the ring to stop Ohno from beating on Bateman and in the chaos, Regal drills Ohno and there is a lot of finger pointing and head shaking and it is amazing. AWESOME! We follow up Regal’s lament with an Emma match. Come on William – you have to feel better now. She is taking on Summer Rae. At some point, I want an explanation as to why – by their own words – one of their most talented divas was slumming it as a ring announcer. Remember how I mentioned a couple of weeks ago about how the women are doing things that none of the dudes are doing? Yet again it happens this week as first Emma actually blocks the leg trip into the ropes and then Summer Rae purposely snapmares Emma into the ropes so that it takes out Emma’s knees. Seriously how come Emma sells a fucking worked over knee better than anyone else in the company? Oh and Paige is back and the crowd explodes… hmm… maybe I should have used a better choice of words. HOLY FUCK! DUSTY RHODES JUST GAVE ME ANTONIO CESARO VS. BIG E LANGSTON!!!! GREATEST NXT EPISODE EVER!!! This had the potential to trump Langston/Rollins as best match – though a different type of match. I mean if this was 15 years ago and it had showed up on a random New Japan card we would have all lost our fucking minds. Still – since we all knew the non finish was inevitable, it didn’t pass Langston’s title win. Corey Graves and Conor O’Brian supply the run in and beat down so NXT can get out of the box they had booked themselves into. WHAT DIDN’T WORK This week in Tony Dawson nonsense – he thinks Derrick Bateman has the Batman logo on his ass. In Dawson’s world – the Batman logo is a black square. Adrian Neville cuts a promo demanding something from Dusty Rhodes but I will be damned if I can figure out what it was he wanted. It was a lot of staring at the wrong camera and me wondering how Elrond feels about being one elf short in Rivendell Bray Wyatt vs. Bo Dallas. BROTHER VS. BROTHER!!! HOW WILL MAMA ROTUNDA HANDLE THE STRESS??? (Most likely the same way NXT does – by pretending they are not related nor are they spawn of IRS.) This mach will work for some. Possibly many. Not me. I think I have expressed enough how much I don’t enjoy Bo Dallas right now and when he has to sell the entire mach. Yeah… no. The finish is also stupid as we are supposed to accept that Bray Wyatt is going to lose for one of the rare times on a flash belly to belly after taking very little punishment. Alberto Del Rio is here this week to waste time because clearly there aren’t enough people on the roster to have matches with. Yeah. Yeah. Great for the live crowd. Not great for me the Hulu viewer. They also cock tease Del Rio vs. Antonio Cesaro but don’t deliver it for me this week.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 6, 2013 WHAT WORKED Show opens with Dusty Rhodes ON THE STICK~! Since it is just Dusty by himself this week – I will give him a pass on booking the same triple threat match from last week. But hey – Dusty is paying out of his own pocket for extra security. We get a fatboy Kassius Ohno interview to continue the slow burn for Ohno vs. Regal. I liked the inclusion of referencing Richie Steamboat not being around. So who gets to squash Yoshi Tatsu this week? The winner is… LEO KRUGER! COME ON DOWN! As opposed to the tag match below, I don’t mind this kind of one sided affair as the crowd is into Tatsu so there is some heat to the match and I prefer Kruger’s “I’m going bend your arms and fingers in ways they shouldn’t” offense. Welp, it looks like the Kruger/Justin Gabriel feud MUST CONTINUE~! You know – I am going to spotlight Aksana for a second because during the nightmare of a match (see down below for the rest) Aksana of all fucking people has the presence of mind – after Naomi (with the help of Audrey Marie) totally screwed up her finisher – to improvise a pin break up and then a brawl (you can see her wave in Alicia Fox to help with the ref distraction) just so Naomi could do everything over again. So yeah… it’s a good thing she isn’t on the main roster helping folks muddle their way through matches. Sigh… Renee Young probably should have screen tested her top before going on camera. I think she would have wanted to realize it was so sheer. God – why did the WWE never do these great Shield grainy video inserts? Oh because they are stupid. I don’t think any of us would doubt that Dean Ambrose really did own a bunker that these were being shot out of. Bray Wyatt spends multiple segments with his hands in his pockets as he basically embarks on a walkabout and he is still the best guy on a very disappointing week of NXT. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Man – I didn’t realize that we didn’t even get one single tag title defense from Adrian Neville and Oliver Gray before Gray blew out his knee. Poor poor probably roided out fella. That means we have Neville pretending he has no idea where Gray is and deciding to just wrestle the tag match by himself. He is taking on NXT Enhancement Talent (which still makes me way happier than it should ) Judas Devlin and Scott Dawson. One of those two dudes (who I may or may not be able to figure out which) is wearing some great Florence Griffith Joyner-esqe tights. He also has so many hideous tattoos that I am shocked he isn’t being pushed in TNA. Okay – that guy is Judas Devlin. Ah… here is Gray storyline reason for being out – The Wyatt Family takes him out in with a phantom beatdown (just don’t tell Meltzer I called it that or will be here forever). Mind you Neville was so distraught about his best friend getting destroyed that he finished the match first before checking on Grey. CLEARLY THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON! Throughout the show – they give the men in the triple threat promo time. O’Brian’s is done in that shitty purple lighting and fog that makes it look like the camera was smeared with Vaseline. Graves, during his, does what one could best describe as a potty dance. And Jesus Mary and Joseph – How the fuck did I never notice Bo Dallas’ speech impediment? Quick! Best Buy needs a tech expert! Get the Middle Eastern Dude! I see nothing wrong with this! A 6 Diva Tag Match. WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE KITTENS??? It’s Sasha Banks and The Funkadactyls vs. Aksana/Alicia Fox/Audrey Marie. Or The Sistas vs. The Letter A. Clearly NXT is being booked by the same person who makes the US Open pairings. I guess if you needed proof that Banks doesn’t have fake cans just look at the shot of her standing in-between Cameron and Naomi. Good Christ – WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH THE DIVAS THAT YOU DON’T STAND ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE APRON IN A SIX MAN TAG!!!! This is easily the worst match I have seen on NXT so far. Naomi fucked up her finisher so much that they had to redo it. So much fail. Is it too much to ask that Tony Dawson learns the name of at least one move? Two weeks of filler just to get back to Conor O’Brian as the #1 contender to Big E Langston. Sure glad I had to sit through like 30 minutes of nonsense for that.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – February 27, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED We are wasting no time in having the Justin Gabriel/Leo Kruger matchup teased last week. WHEN SOUTH AFRICANS COLLIDE!!!! I have no issues with Gabriel… well at least with his wrestling. I still have a problem with his stupid hair and tiny pants. Kruger is easy to dig so this should be enjoyable. Early on it is entirely headlock based but both guys make sure to do subtle little things instead of just laying around killing time so it isn’t tedious. Then when Kruger spends the 2nd part of the match bending Gabriel’s arm in various ways, it works because Gabriel actually sells being in a submission hold as opposed to wondering what he is going to grab off the catering table. In addition, the match has a nice couple of final minutes. Could have done trimming a few minutes off the match (maybe give each guy a backstage interview or something) so they didn’t have to work headlocks so long. And it could have definitely used less shots of Tyson Kidd. William Regal – Color Commentator. I loved it when Regal talked about how stupid it was to drop down to the mat after whipping a guy into the ropes. YES! AN EMMA MATCH!!! I don’t know why I am so excited about this but I am. God, the full Emma entrance is impossible to not love (especially now that I understand it). HA! This is the match that the GIF (which was the very first time I had ever seen Emma’s horrific dancing gimmick) came from. She is wrestling Aksana so the masturbating is fast and furious. From the crowd not me. Bastards. Anyway – remember that period when Fit Finlay was running the WWE women’s division and the matches were fucking awesome. Well we are basically in the NXT Golden Age with the Sarah Del Ray lead women’s division. They are doing things a 1000 times better and more entertaining than the majority of the men’s matches. They really need to do a women’s spinoff hour – so easy to fill. WHOO-HOO!!!! The Shield jump Corey Graves and Conor O’Brian to end my misery. (Keeping reading for everything else involving this match.) The crowd explodes and spends the rest of the episode chanting for The Shield. Yay for small miracles! BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD~! WHAT DIDN’T WORK NXT decided to start off this week with the ultimate challenge for me. Can Dusty Rhodes talk enough to make up for an opening segment that also involves Bo Dallas and Corey Graves? The answer is… No. Tony Dawson – Play by Play. This week’s idiocy is that if you throw kicks, it is a sign you are a high flyer. Oh and not knowing what a lariat was. Or calling the 450 Splash a “sunset flip”. God and that was all in the first match. Crap – The Call ads are starting with this show. DAVID OTUNGA! BOX OFFICE DRAW!!! Bo Dallas gets jumped in the back. He is on the ground unconscious next to a wall and one NXT officially asks the crack medical team “What do you think it is?” and the doctor answers “I don’t know.” HOW ABOUT HE GOT FUCKING RUN INTO A WALL!!!! Did they hire everyone who used to work for the Mets? Man – I don’t think there has ever been a WWE merchandise commercial that made me think “Ya know… maybe I should check out the Shop”. At least these guys at the door spots don’t give me a seizure. The triple threat #1 contender match appears to be just Corey Graves vs. Conor O’Brian thanks to Dallas’ backstage incident. But we have all watched wrestling enough to know it won’t stay that way. Of course – it is also Graves, O’Brian and Dallas. So much hate and so many shitty tattoos. Plus, 15 minutes are left in the show. Why are you doing this to me NXT? Is it because I know I am about to get Regal/Hero? Crowd has no fucking clue how to react to the heel vs. heel matchup so that’s awkward too. Not as awkward has having O’Brian doing the selling. Or O’Brian deciding the body part he was going to work over was Graves’ ass.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – February 20, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Tatsu being a jobber in NXT shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does. This week he is crushed by Bray Wyatt. Wyatt also wears an apron down to the ring. This was 60 seconds of fun. I am a simple man. Wyatt also breaks down the rest of the family for not winning the tag titles and then builds them back up by having them beat the shit out of each other. He should be expecting a call from Rutgers any minute now. William Regal – Color Commentator. With added Regal mocking the ever changing play by play guys he has to deal with. HEY! It’s Ricardo Rodriguez wrestling as El Local. I will again point out how silly it is to have him stick a mask on but not cover his easily recognizable tattoos. Anyway – he wrestles Xavier Woods and it is perfectly fine (though it did fill the chinlock quota of this show in less than five minutes). The highlight is more the various ways Regal and Phillips find to call Rodriguez fat. God – he really would have been great in WAR. My beloved Big E Langston is taking on Conor O’Brian. Since they have brought up about a 1000 times that this is a non-title match, I think we all know how this is going to end. I sorta feel bad for everyone on the roster not named Paige – as the reaction Langston is so incredibly different than any one else (again not named Paige) that all his matches feel special. This is just two heavyweights throwing bombs at each other. I am no fan of O’Brian but he does nothing to infuriate me. The fact that Langston’s neck is so huge O’Brian legit couldn’t lock in a full nelson is pretty fantastic. Aww… them going with the Double DQ finish now is just dumb. If you are doing non-title – O’Brian gets the win, sets up the title match THEN you do the Double DQ to draw out the feud. Instead – we get Corey Graves running out to steal the title belt from Langston. Lord – I hate Graves and his punchable face. However – Langston punching Graves in his very punchable face kinda has me excited. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Hey! Tom Phillips is back. I mean he is better than Tony Dawson but that is a very low bar to clear. So Sasha Banks secret admirer turns out to be Audrey Marie and she is able to drop Banks with a single slap to the back of the head. And then less than 10 minutes later they are having a match because fuck waiting. It’s a good thing both of them can get into their gear so quickly. Shit! I SEE SASHA’S RIBS!!! CLEARLY SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER TOO!!! Anyway – the premise is that Audrey Marie is back from injury and thinks Sasha Banks took her spot. Of course – as Regal points out – this is the same reason Paige and Summer Rae are feuding. Oh and Sasha gets zero offense in so ya know… it’s great that they gave her those couple of wins a few weeks ago. No wonder all the folks in NXT keep getting long term injuries – their doctor looks like he would be more qualified to sell you new windows than diagnose a separated shoulder. Crap – there is Tony Dawson. He has an in ring interview with Tyson Kidd. What you would expect to happen in wrestling when you have a guy in ring in crutches happens. Leo Kruger comes down and threatens to beat Kidd up until Justin Gabriel makes the save. So while that can be fun when, I assume, it takes place next week – this was a waste of time that could have been better filled with a match or a recap of almost anything else or maybe an Emma dance montage.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – FEBRUARY 13, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA WHAT WORKED So just as I was starting to make a comment about how weird it was that here was Summer Rae doing ring introductions with no mention of her freak out and her attack of Paige when who should come storming down the ramp but Paige. And Paige takes the show hostage thus preventing us from having to see Mike Dalton/Axle Keegan. Total win. Oh and Paige yells and slaps Keegan like a crazed girlfriend which is outstanding. AND Dusty mic work as he acts all disappointed Dad. YOU GET OVER HER RIGHT NOW! HA! Paige and Summer Rae start brawling around and over Dream… oh this might be my favorite NXT segment so far. William Regal – Color Commentator Normally I would complain on the show wasting time with a recap video (heck, I basically do so down below). This is especially the case when it is for something that isn’t NXT related. But that Elimination Chamber one was really good. What I am about to type is going to seem insane but Paige/Summer Rae might be the 2nd best match I have seen on NXT so far. Yes it barely last three minutes but the entire match is based on Paige’s injured shoulder including Paige knowing to do offense using only one arm. She is way to fucking good to not be called up. Can the WWE just release her already so she can work Shimmer and make me happy? Probably my only quibble is that the finish is Summer Rae’s roundhouse kick, and I understand the need to establish a finisher for her, but since the entire point is that one armed Paige was severely handicapped, the finish should have been something around her shoulder. Unless, Summer’s kick was supposed to hit the shoulder and if that was the case… never mind. Hmmm…. 20 minutes left in the show and they are doing the Tag Tournament Finals. So this is either going to be the longest match I have seen so far or that is some terrible show planning. Let us see where this ends up. Oliver Grey being the fucking face in peril for the second straight week is befuddling to me. Though I will admit that I haven’t seen a lot of Adrian Neville in his Pac days, so maybe he isn’t so hot at the selling. Other than that… I got nothing. There is also WAY too much Wyatt Family selling. I mean if there was ever a team built to take a Southern Style beating it’s Neville/Grey. Eventually, Bray Wyatt gets ejected by Dusty Rhodes which I like since it helps build in the reason the Wyatts lose. Oh… spoiler I guess. Now, that was all the first half of the match. The second half is much better because Grey takes his beating and it is wonderful. Yes, I theorized that Neville might not be so hot with the selling but he is really good in the roll of babyface desperate for his partner to make the tag – despite the crowd really not caring at all. Maybe having Paige beatdown right before this wasn’t the wisest of moves. Aaron Rowan is no where near as good as Luke Harper but I really dig his ragdoll bearhug. That is one way to make that move fun. This really really becomes enjoyable when Neville finally gets the hot tag. Harper is amazing as big guy who can make tiny speedy guys offense look credible but then he fucking wastes Neville with a big boot as Neville comes off the top. Then it becomes chaos like any good tag finish should. In fact, my only problem with the finish is how long Neville takes to get off the corkscrew shooting star press as Harper has to lay around like a dope for far longer than he should. But yeah… full Worldwide point. WHAT DIDN’T WORK NXT sure loves themselves some recaps. Normally this isn’t a bad thing but the Tag Tournament recap looks like it was filmed somehow using Instagram. That is a trend that needs to stop. I am six weeks into doing these reports. I really should do a separate piece on all the guys in the opening who I have yet to see wrestle. Ugh – Alex Riley. Oh fucking hell. He is wrestling Corey Graves. Why couldn’t this be like the 8252107 random other feuds that the WWE forgets about. Somehow, Graves acid washed jean jacket vest has become even douchier. And fucking Riley really needs to fucking buy tights that cover his fucking ass. I really hope fucking cheeky cuts of tights aren’t suddenly a trend. God – the NXT “doctor/trainer” so doesn’t look like a doctor/trainer. He clearly looks like a guy who would definitely come out of the crowd to rub Paige’s shoulder. And then rub something else after. Todd Dawson might be the worst person to choose to do in-ring interviews and Neville and Grey might be the worst person to interview after a match. If they had just made-out – which let’s be honest totally seems to be the way they are teasing – if would have been much better.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 23, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) I haven’t done one of these in a little bit. I realized I need to get cracking if I want to finish 2013 before 2016. Please don’t make me regret picking you over Mass Effect. WHAT WORKED Alex Riley shows up and looks exactly – EXACTLY – like Stevie Richards. That is making me laugh way more than it should. William Regal – Color Commentator. I mean this week he tried to put over Alicia Fox’s hand strength. And then he says he is homies with Snoop Dogg. He is amazing. Dusty Rhodes ability to keep a straight face when dealing with some of these idiots is amazing. There was a sudden block of Diva related items that all ran together and none of them were terrible but nothing really really stood out. All of it together can mesh together up here. It covered… Alicia Fox vs. Sasha Banks. A couple of noteworthy things but they are sprinkled throughout the rest of this report The Paige video package was a good idea (though whoever produced it needs to work on fading out the faux Marilyn Mason music as it made it tough to actually here Paige talk). I am not on the Aksana train like I know a lot of the board is but it had Renee Young randomly making her debut as backstage interviewer so I guess things are looking up. Vader’s boy Jake Carter shows up on my TV screen for the very first time. That gets him on this side of the column. He has to wrestler the hateable Corey Graves so I am fairly sure the only nice I am saying is “Hey! Vader’s kid”. Fuck – Carter is doing a happy douchey frat boy gimmick. That is so very wrong. God, maybe this deserves to be on the other side of the column. Oh and this match legit put me to sleep so I had to go back and watch it again. Really the only reason this is staying here is because I am too lazy to cut and paste. Hoo Boy – Bo Dallas. He is jibber jabbering with Joe Hennig (SUCK IT INTERWEB~!). This works because Hennig shows far more charisma in this then all the other times I have seen him on Raw or Smackdown. They will be wrestling the Colons in the tag tournament next week. Another tag tournament match is Adrian Neville/Oliver Grey vs. the good pairing of 3MB (Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre). This is fun because Neville and Slater aren’t afraid to get into a contest of who can sell better and who can bump crazier. Grey seems like a guy I could enjoy watching but knowing he is going to cripple himself shortly makes me feel like I shouldn’t invest the time. God you would think McIntyre would be a better catcher but nope. He makes up for it by bringing the power. This is fun with Neville/Grey getting the “upset” which makes sense that if you are pushing that team giving them the win over the “name” team works. HEY! It’s my boy Big E Langston. And he is already fighting enhancement talent in non-title matches. Axl Keegan is a Killer Kolwolski trainee according to Regal so that means Triple H will call him up before Chris Hero. Regal keeps talking about how he would have loved to travel with Langston so he could pass on his knowledge and I am thinking if that had happened there is no way the Internet (or my pants) could have contained the aftermath. Conor O’Brian interrupts the 5 after party to babble about him returning in two weeks so I already hate him. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Really? The show has to open with a Shawn Michaels self agrandasizing mic segment. Nine months later and RAW is starting the same exact way. He is here to announce the creation of the NXT Tag Titles and the tournament for them. Of course, he mealy mouths his way through it. First match of the tournament is the Wyatts (Rowan and Harper of course) vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Percy Watson. I am assuming you can figure out who is advancing here. Tatsu plays Ricky Morton which is interesting but if you stop and think about it, it is better than he is selling than Watson. I probably should like this more but the hot tag to Watson is totally underwhelming and then Harper’s clothesline to finish it isn’t as decapitating as it should be. So sad. Sasha Banks nickname is the small package??? Yeah… that seems like… not a well thought out idea. Tony Dawson was baffled by the sight of a chinlock. To the point that Regal flat out said “If you don’t know that, you shouldn’t be out here.” That teaser for Conor O’Brian was fairly ridiculous. Though I guess after having to suffer through two pathetic seasons of the old version of NXT, they kinda sorta had to repackage him.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 16, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Well the cable is out but the Internet is still working, so I will crank out one of these instead of live tweeting Impact. This might be one of the better decisions of my adult life. WHAT WORKED Cool – the show opens with a recap of the Big E Langston title win and it is getting the WWE video package treatment. This is all sorts of neat. I especially liked them putting impact tremors on the screen for Big E hitting his finisher. Also – no one else might but I really dig the NXT Title belt. Seriously? How did TNA not already do the giant fucking X as a belt for the X Division Championship? Outside of the obvious “It’s TNA” answer? William Regal – Color Commentator Wait. Wait. Wait. Kassius Ohno is sitting in on Color. Are we teasing the Ohno/Regal feud??? Did Regal just threaten to turn Ohno into a vegetable? Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Acting like a fool with your pants on the ground!!! I’m gonna ignore the irony of having to take the belt off of Seth Rollins because he got promoted to the main roster and putting it on a guy who was about to get called up to the main roster. I’m gonna ignore it because it means I get things like Big E Langston mic time. And we also get Langston destroying Camacho. FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! There was enough stuff that was enjoyable in the Antonio Cesaro/Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel match to be here. At least the actual match stuff. I have other issues down below. (In the column, not on my body. At least not that I know of. I am going to move along now.) I will give Sandow a lot of credit for really working with the crowd and making it a good time for all instead of just mailing it in just because they are in front of the random back lot crowd. Him yelling “WE HAVE RULES!” got a legit chuckle out of me. I also am humored that he ate the pinfall. So clearly not only is NXT for developing the WWE’s future roster but it’s also where guys can get an early start on their “push”. Poor poor Money in the Bank winner. WHAT DIDN’T WORK As teased last week – Adrian Neville (who I will most assuredly call Aaron Neville at some point) makes his NXT debut. And he is wrestling Sakamoto who is making his return to NXT after the whole Tensai second fiasco (but I don’t think we are supposed to know that). Since this a WWE development match that means CHIN LOCKS FOR THE SAKE OF CHIN LOCKS!!! RANDY ORTON DOES IT!!! And then the former Pac hits the Corkscrew Shooting Star Press and that’s it. The match is rather disappointing but Regal talking British wrestling almost – ALMOST – dragged this to the Northern side of the column. Trent Baretta vs. Leo Krueger had the misfortunate of being the backdrop for the Ohno/Regal stuff so it really was just there. And since it had a commercial break smashed into middle of it and it really just keeps going on. Maybe another time. Someone should probably get in Tony Dawson’s ear and tell him that just because Vince yelled “WHATAMANUEVER!” doesn’t mean you should. This isn’t a NXT thing per se but during this viewing Hulu decided to keep showing the Chase commercial where the guy is some sort of superfan geek and dreams of going to a Comic Con type convention. But when he goes the dude doesn’t cosplay and that makes the entire commercial totally unbelievable for me. Stupid Chase. I’m not really sure why Sandow/Cesaro are teaming and why they are teaming on NXT but here we are. I mean one would think they would promote it more. Or at least take advantage of having the actual US Champ wrestling in your building to help elevate one of the younger guys. But nope. I am realizing though that this just might be one of those wacky NXT things that I am just going to have to get over.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – January 9, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Hey! It’s Yoshi Tatsu! He isn’t dead! And he is teaming with Percy Watson who really is quite non-descript without the glasses. And they are wrestling the Wyatt Family. We are just going to assume right now this is going on this half of the report. It’s a weird match since Tatsu works a hot tag spot less than a minute in. So when Watson does the actual hot tag a couple minutes later the crowd is all… umm… what? Anyway – Brodie Lee really was born in the wrong generation. I do like that I am watching this today since the discussion of guys carrying on the great fucking clothesline tradition started on the board because Luke Harper (Lee) is right fucking there. William Regal – Color Commentator YES! Paige vs. Emma. I so didn’t understand the Emma bad dancing gimmick when I first saw it but after discovering like a 1000 gifs dedicated to it, it so grew on me. Now remember I am simpleton but it is impossible to not love it. The music is over the top ridiculous and awesome. Plus there is Paige – who in Week Two has gotten the best reaction out of the crowd by anyone not named Big E Langston. I assume the kitten killing is quite furious with the Internet crowd in regards to Paige. SHE ISN’T BLONDE! NEXT GENERATION DAFFNEY! PLEASE LOVE ME! HA! Just as I finished that joke they cut to a shot of some middle age dude in his undershirt blowing kisses to Paige. Anyway – this should have gotten a ton more time but this early in the retro run so there is going to be a lot of forgiveness. Rollins/Langston – No DQ with Jim Ross calling – why didn’t I watch this fucking show sooner? This is booked so amazingly great as the No DQ rules work since it allows for the set up of the story of the Shield constantly interfering because it’s the only way Langston can be hurt. (Though of course Seth Rollins bumps insanely to get over how strong Langston is. Sure I will take the press slam to nowhere. Sign me up!) Plus, the No DQ means that this week’s chaotic locker room brawl works because when the 55 faces charge out of the locker room (and seriously how many fucking guys work in this company) to drag Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns away the crowd absolutely loses it. It’s gonna be tough to top this as best NXT match I will watch (though I know what is coming down the pipe). And then Langston – the loveable dope – does this tremendous job with his facials over winning the title. Good Lord – if he could have somehow worked WAR, he would be Dean’s favorite wrestler of all time. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Okay – this week it’s this dude Tom Phillips instead of Tony Dawson as lead announcer. It is laughable how many different guys they run through on this show considering they are never ever going to replace Michael Cole. Fuck – I think if they could make it work in his schedule and he didn’t think it was beneath him, they would have Cole call NXT too. Unfortunately - as promised? Threatened? Bo Dallas and Michael McGillicutty vs. the Colons is this week. Yeah – the Colons without a mini in a bull costume is just a waste of my time now. It’s also really fucking annoying that Regal has to talk about McGillicutty’s ancestors but not actually be able to say the name Hennig. This goes way too long and I really hate Dallas’ doing a “I love to absorb head trauma” gimmick. Look there is Pac! I mean Aaron Neville and he is going to debut soon and give Bo Dallas a run for the money in the homeliest looking man in NXT.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 2, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Because I have soooo much free time, I decided to start working through the NXT Shows on Hulu. For someone who has longed for the days of Saturday Night or Worldwide for that matter, this is the closest I am going to get. Of course, doing them retroactively will mean that I have to space out my jokes. Do I mock Tony Dawson now or what a little bit? Decisions. Decisions. Anyway, I decided to start with the beginning of 2013 because I wasn’t going back to the beginning of this show. I ain’t THAT crazy. I did watch the 2012 recap show just to make sure I knew what was going on… which apparently was “Fuck – the WWE called up all these guys and now we have to figure out how to explain it storyline wise.” Oh and I so didn’t proof read this. WHAT WORKED The show opens with the Shield jumping whoever the fuck it was in the ring and then Dusty Rhodes and the Shield cut promos and I am all giddy. Of course that is because of current RAW angles… if I had watched this nine months ago, who knows? I will say Reigns one line of dialogue combined with his chuckle was great. William Regal – Color Commentator. This will just have a permanent spot ever week. The lady in the front row who was all over the heels. Primo was great playing off her. The should make sure she is there every week just so heels could learn how to interact with the crowd. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger/Kassius Ohno was fun. I wanna call Ohno Chris Hero since it is WAY easier to spell but God forbid the IWC yells at me being all high and mighty by using a guys other name. Damn me and my three digit IQ. For the little I have seen of NXT, I seem to have seen Kruger a bunch. That isn’t a complaint since his Nise Skinner gimmick is good to watch. Gabriel has tiny pants and Kidd has stupid hair and they really a little too much on the overly choreographed moves but you will enjoy them in a 2013 White Lightning kinda way. This gets a bunch of time and has a clean ending and you can’t complain about that. Hey! Jim Ross showed up to call the main event. I like the idea of Ross calling the young guys and I can understand the idea that he just does “special” matches to give them a different feeling. A permanent Ross/Regal team The main event sucked mainly because we all knew the Shield run in was coming but the aftermath was great as Reigns just casually stands on Graves neck which gets this seven billion Worldwide points. Then Dusty sends the entire locker room out and the Shield takes them all on while a faceless dude takes a crazy bump and then Big E Langston comes out and the crowd is all happy. I mean let’s not delve too much into what could be argued the flaws of the booking but it means I am getting Rollins/Langston next week. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Poor poor random guys who the Shield jumped. They never ever got names. I mean even in recapping the events, Dawson just called them the “competitors”. Enhancement talent on the development show, that’s a new one. God Bo Dallas is not a good look man. Nor is he very good at the wrestling. Epico tried but this really didn’t have a shot. Oh look – there is Curtis Axel… oh wait, he is still Michael McGillicutty at this point… to help fend off the Colons. So I guess I am getting a tag match next week. If Teddy Long was here, it would have been tonight’s main event. I am point Sasha Banks vs. Tamina here because it lasted maybe two minutes. All I got out of it is it was Banks second match on NXT and Dawson doesn’t know the difference between “amplitude” and “altitude”. I want to punch Corey Graves in the face. Hmm… maybe that means he is doing his job and this should could in the other half of the column. Oh wait – he is from Pittsburgh too. This stays here.