[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Damn Stout, how did we never think to try vehicle surfing during missions? You guys came up with it in freemode, yet none of us translated it to missions.

I think our creative juices must only start flowing when we're being dicks to people.

On that subject, my favorite by a country mile is going into passive covered in sticky bombs to drag people out of glitched areas.

"Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick..."

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Definitely listen to these guys and don't be like me. I was too stubborn to ever do private rooms. I remember a day (I'm pretty sure I posted about it, but it's not worth digging to find it) where I tried to do Boneyard with Melraz and didn't have enough cash to join it. So yeah, don't be so poor you have to rob a convenience store in order to join a mission to make money.

And speaking of that, whenever you unlock it, Boneyard is a great survival to do. It can easily be done solo if you take cover behind the trailer that's to your right when you spawn.

I don't remember how much RP it gives, but it's an easy 20k. That's how I earned most of my money before I went rogue duping cars and shooting ladies of the night.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

God, I got madder than wet dammit

I just have to say, this is one of the greatest sayings I've ever heard and I will use it at the first opportunity.

I don't think I've gotten that mad at this game yet, but put me in a Call of Duty multiplayer map and I lose all ability to act rationally.

Or for another example, this shit awful VT game on right now. Then tonight, I get to watch the Vols die a 4 hour death. I should have stayed in bed.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Holy crap it really has been a year without heists. We are 5 days away from the anniversary of the release date.

Did EA make this game?

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

The way that story was headed, I fully expected the ending to be "Dude, can you help me rob some stores? I need to pick up a thousand bucks for some ammo."

 

And the reason I said that about MUNDUNGO~! was because the ass kicking FELT a lot worse than it was. I actually had to double-check the score when it popped up and said 20-18. I thought for all the world that it was going to say something like 10-4. I probably just got mixed up because, like we've all posted today, we were so surrounded by white, pink, and red dots it looked like damn February 14th.

 

Oh and I also forgot to mention one other thing he said when I switched over to chat. When the deathmatch was over, I threw it in passive. He says to his buddy John18349 or whatever, "Man, this pussy is in passive. That's the worst feature they put in this game." Yeah that's right. I go toe to toe with him all night and never once run. I accepted his one on one, and this is the kicker, he was up by 3 on me before I started coming back. So, it's very likely he would have won anyway. But he grabs a tank when I'm one kill away from winning. This makes me the pussy. These kids need to get off our porch.

 

Forgot to mention earlier - I usually sign on too late for Titans to be a part of the "earn money" portion of the night, so I miss out on the deathmatches and races and all that. I finally got to see Mary Lou himself in action last night. I was kind of hiding in a tree, and I see Robert come around the corner. He's trading sniper fire with (man my memory is bad) Novocain, was it? Honestly, I still struggle with board names vs. Xbox names vs. real names. Anyway, Robert is shooting and I get all giddy because I just know he's distracted and I'll get a kill. THREE times in a row, he rolls the minute I fire. And he gets in this rhythm where it messes you up because you're focused on trying to line up the next shot. You see that red crosshair and instinctively shoot, but it's too late because he's already Sonic the Hedgehog'd his ass out of the way.

 

 

I felt like saying "dood, do you know who I am? I don't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a mission!" Instead, I just quit. High-larry-ous.

 

 

"Come, peasant. Bring me my slippers and a glass of the finest merlot."

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

HERE COME MUNDUNGO!!!!!!!

 

I hate that guy. He was up on me 20-18 and challenged me to a one-on-one. Asshole somehow grabs a tank when I get up on him 4-3. I see that he's talking, so I switched over to game chat and he's talking about how he's up 20 on me and how we're pussies. I'd be mad about it if it wasn't so ridiculous.

 

I got on early and got to do some missions before the freemode chaos. I learned a couple things. 1 - when Robert gets on a hot streak, it's best to just accept your defeat and move on. I think I saw his air guitar victory screen so much I dreamed about it. 2 - spectating Stout during an air race is more entertaining that actually racing.

 

Afterwards, we took to freemode, and it was one of the most chaotic nights I can remember. There were plenty who could hold their own, and you couldn't focus on one or two without having three rammed up your ass somewhere else.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Dead hooker

Hacked

Glitch

Explosives

RPG

Come at me, Bing. And while you're focused on me, Melraz has snuck up on you like a velociraptor.

And I'm sticking with GTA until everybody gets sick of it. I always do that. I probably tooled around in GTA 4 freemode for 3 years. So I'll be on tonight.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Yeah - big thanks to Stout for helping me pick some cars out. Saved me a ton of time just piggybacking off his research because I'm basically too dumb to know what cars are in which class and all that. I decided to stop hoarding my hooker money like Scrooge McDuck and actually round out my basically useless second garage with something souped up in most of the classes. We did a sports classic race not long ago and I was the only one without a custom car, so everybody ran stock cars. Made me feel like an asshole, so I vowed to get something in every category. I think I only lack the SUV class now.

 

I still have 2 mil in hooker money to boot. I figured I should spend it before they take it, but I kind of feel like they won't take it this time-  unlike the glorious hacker money days.

 

 

I wasn't feeling well this morning so I laid off work to get some more rest. Got on a little later and did some missions with randoms. The Pickup Sticks missions can suck a big one. I don't remember it at all, but it's timed and you have to fly to different locations and pick up packages while 9000 guys shoot at you. I knew it was bad when I collected the first package from the top of a tower, then proceeded to fall off said tower. I have no idea how I managed to survive.

 

And I wanted to post this before I forget. As a thank you to Stout for the vehicle help the other day, my repayment is going to be the opportunity for you to say "I told you so." The highest level guy in my freemode a few minutes ago had a bounty, so I decided to entertain myself by going after him. He took off in a helicopter and landed on a building. He was holding off every player and police chopper that came his way. I bet  the dude used up every bit of minigun ammo he had. I tried to hide my blip and land on a building near him to snipe, but he saw through it and blew me up. The helicopter I used was a Merryweather pickup - this will come into play in a second.

 

The building he was on had an overhang, so I was able to get directly under him. "Oh my God," I thought, "FINALLY an opportunity to use Stout's airstrike method."

 

Only I had forgotten about shooting the pilot out of the chopper, so all I hear is something like, "Due to your recent actions, Merryweather has decided to suspend your privileges - yada yada yada." Someone else ended up killing the guy before I could get him.

 

Shooting the helicopter pilot finally bit me in the ass. I should have listened, Stout...

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

*voiceover*

 

In a world...overrun by corruption...hackers...immortal god-moders.

 

Some soldiers have been tasked with saving another planet. Some say it's their destiny.

 

*slow mo shot of men walking to shuttle as Leaving On A Jet Plane swells in the background*

 

Four brave men remain in the dirty streets of Los Santos to ensure the astronauts have a home left to return to.

 

Meet the Mayor. Long range fighting expert. Your ass is grass, and his scope is the lawnmower.

 

Meet Robert. You can try to be a passive citizen, but he will ram a fire hose down your throat until you swell and explode.

 

Meet RUkered. He'll miss you with 12 sniper bullets, then hide so he can blow his car up next to you.

 

Meet Stout. You bring the nails, he'll be the hammer while providing bah gawd J.R. commentary.

 

*montage of explosions and heads getting picked clean off their necks while Saliva's Click Click Boom wails in the background*

 

Coming to theaters near you - Sept. 9th

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I need a new Red Dead so bad you guys

But it'd ruin my life because I'd be killing Herbert Moon too much

I never noticed the Herbert Moon thing until I read about it online and went back for a second playthrough. Hot damn is he annoying.

Boy is it weird holding a PS3 controller after playing nothing but Xbox for damn near a year. Nate and I played a bunch of poker and then tried zombie overrun. I think we both died within the first 20 seconds of wave one.

We were joking the whole time about calling Lester to hide our dots. He didn't need to, because just like GTA, he sniped some poor bastards about 6 times in a row.

Like Nate said, if anybody has it on PS and wants to play, add me. My name is the same on there.

I should be around for Jobber Thursday if I get my project wrapped up today.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Yeah, like Stout said, missions are the way to go. He and I just did a bunch of random missions and races and I think I ended up somewhere over 100 grand richer. Maybe closer to 200.

Of course, I basically turned right around and spent it all on explosives during our loser leaves town freemode session.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

So what the hell? I play for about 10 hours straight and the minute I sign off to watch Netflix while I fall asleep, the money genies come out of the woods? Dammit, I only have 3.5 mil of hooker money left. I'm "poor."

Anyway, what the hell is up with the glitchers? I watched them on the garage TV a while, and in addition to the already mentioned green egg head, another guy also had what I can only describe as a candy bar wrapper surrounding him with weeds growing out of it.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I had a double Big Pal with cheese and a sauceburger for lunch today before work. They make a great burger, but I've never been into the hot dogs. They used to make great fries until they got worried they were killing people with the seasoned salt, so they cut back on it. When they cut back on it, they started sucking. Like McDonald's fries. I hate those things. Salt them bitches up, we all gotta die sometime, fuck it.

I noticed that tonight. How long ago did they change it? As far as the hot dogs go, I'm a weirdo who doesn't like them, so I've only ever had their chili buns. Depending on what time I roll out in the morning, I'll go pick up a burger since I've never had one, or try their breakfast cheesy bites or whatever the hell they're called.

And to make this post relevant to the topic so it's not just "the redneck boys talk about their local greasy spoon restaurants," in between trying to join Roberto, I went into freemode.

Just to be insane, I took my bicycle out. Rode 2 miles from my apt to the beach to get a Simeon car, and met zero resistance the whole time. It was...boring. Like the room was full of a bunch of pacifists.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I'm currently sitting in the mayor's mansion as we speak, listening to his cats practicing their 40 meter dash upstairs from the sound of things. He was nice enough to let me hang here for the night while he's away so my Knoxville trip isn't so damn long.

Stout - I've got a stomach full of Pal's chili, so I'm a happy man.

Robert - just wanted to let you know that I tried to join you many times, but it kept saying it was full, so I gave up to watch Parks & Rec on Netflix.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I'm pretty bad about it myself, but it kills my soul to say Merryweather Mesa because I drive a Jeep in real life.

And apologies to Stout, but I've never heard that helicopter pilot say anything other than "clear the landing zone." The minute I call it in, I'm waiting with the auto shotgun.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I get a bounty put on me for stealing a car. Some level 74 goes after it.

 

He eats a shotgun to the face. That's 1-0 for the home team.

He gets sniped. 2-0.

He gets sniped. 3-0.

A long standoff ensues. He finally gets tired of waiting and peers over the bridge at me at the underpass. Eats a rifle barrage. 4-0.

I'm still under the underpass. He gets directly above me. Call Merriweather, airstrike, 5-0.

He's gettiing ready to peer down from the other side of the bridge, where I will make him eat another rifle barrage, when DAMMIT, network error, I get kicked off.

 

It's beyond me how I can do some of my best Freemode work when no one from the crew's around and play kinda lousy when they are. Anybody who got near me got their ass busted whle I ran around getting every Kill Target that came along. My undoing was going for an armored truck and getting out of position and not pulling out an RPG in time to kill a guy who was cheesed I got to the armored truck first (even though no money fell out of it).

 

Edit: And then sometimes you're the nail. I get into another room that's uncrowded. I see four dudes in the same vehicle, I'm betting it's a chopper. I think it'll be fun to go try to take them out.

 

I catch up to them, and only one dude's in a chopper. The other three are on the ground. One sticks a boot so far up my ass I'm scheduled for surgery to remove it - he had me 9-2, and my only 2 kills were double kills.

 

So a Simeon car pops up, and I think, "OK, that's it. I go get the Simeon car, they leave me alone, everyone's a winner." So I get in a car and the first guy tags off to another one of them, who starts blowing up any vehicle I try to get in.

 

"Damn, I'm in a tight spot."

 

I manage to get in another vehicle and notice I'm passing new faces, all of whom are shooting at me and none of whom are shooting at the dudes chasing me around killing me repeatedly. A check of the room's roster is in order.

 

Yep. Seven guys in the room, counting me. Six of those seven were in the same crew. The one who wasn't didn't stick around any longer after that. The experience summed up in 15 seconds:

 

 

 

I had a similar experience. I signed on early yesterday and no one else was on, so I decided to brave freemode by myself. The whole time I'm thinking "why the shit can't I play like this when someone is around to see me?" I got into a scruff with a couple crew members, and they were pretty good. It started when one of them blew me up with a Buzzard. Sorry, Buzz-ard. The guy landed on a building to snipe. I got my Mallard I bought during the money heyday because I hadn't flown it in a while. The guy sees what I'm doing and gives chase. I managed to avoid his rockets for several minutes, but he finally got me. I realized playing rocket-dodge might be my new favorite activity. Anyway, I respawn and look for him from the ground. I just baaaaarely see his head poking over the edge of the roof and blew his ass away.

 

I then go into Ammunation to stock up. As I'm buying ammo, I see the shop owner fall to the floor. I turn around, and this asshole is shooting through the door. I can't do shit except die. He decides to hole up in there, so I line the door with sticky bombs and wait. He didn't come out, so I walked in the back to find him standing in the gun range, doing the slow clap. I walk out, and here come the mercenaries. I take them all out, but the cops get me.

 

Long story short, there was some back and forth with me, him, and his buddy. I did manage to snipe him about four times while he was trying to kill me with a minigun.

 

Later on, I'm watching the map and see them picking on some low level guy who's trying to get a Simeon car. One flies down to the docks to intercept, while the other is chasing the kid in the car. The kid seems to be handling the guy chasing him pretty well, so I decide to fly down to the docks and try to hold the guy off so the kid can deliver the car. I failed - the guy blew up the Simeon car, and the kid I was trying to help shot me. So much for trying to be the good guy, right?

 

So, I sent the kid a message saying, "I was trying to help. I've been fighting those guys too." Then I proceeded to wear his level 24 ass out as penance.

 

Much like the message I just received saying I have reached my quota of positive votes for the day, that kid made me reach my quota of being a friendly in GTA. I went from being helpful to a complete dickhead in about 3 minutes flat.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

That multi-kill bombing was more or less dumb luck. I was getting tired of getting my head sniped off by those two guys, so I decided to Allah Ahkbar some fools. I saw a white dot, called Lester, and took off. I thought it was just one guy. They must have been huddled up robbing a store, so their dots were crammed together or something. I rolled up right by the gas pump, set the bomb off, and the whole damn left side of my screen lit up with messages. Personal vehicle penalties, killed three people, etc. It was a fun surprise.

 

The Lester invisible car bombing makes me feel like a chickenshit, but man is it fun. I got another guy who was in a tunnel in cover. I just drove slowly up to him like an NPC, parked, and waited a few seconds to see if he'd catch on. The only thing he caught was shrapnel.

 

We're always covering each other's asses in freemode, but I want to give a particular shout-out to Mis, who pretty much saved my ass back-to-back two times in a row. I was trying like hell to line my scope up, and knew I was about to have my head split open because the guy was looking right at me, but Mis took him out. It's like "sorry kiddo, you may be trained on me because you know I suck, but you've got about 18 other scopes on you right now."

 

I think I'm going to start switching over to main chat and playing Stone Cold clips for these poor saps. "Vince, I don't know how good your hearing is, but you got about 18,000 people calling you an asshole!"

 

And Robert already mentioned it, but us trying to do that mission was like the damn Keystone Cops. It's bad enough that Robert walked into the blades, but me walking not 2 seconds behind him like a lemming and doing the same thing is just plain pitiful. The irony of it is that the reason I walked into the blades is because I was busy staring at my health bar while eating P's & Q's. I sure made that a non-issue real quick.

 

And lastly, I'd like to give a heartfelt thank you to all the DVDR members who so graciously decided to dog pile one another in the "Sonny Corleone" car race, allowing me to maintain about an hour lead on the rest of the pack. It's the first race I've ever done where I could have stopped off to shop for hats.

[Hey, Huckleberries: All Things American Western]

Whatever. It's an awesome show and the way season 5 ends is great. It's beyond great, but there's going to be two more seasons? For real? Well, I'll just say this. I remember when I thought 2 more seasons of the Shield was dangerous, but seeing how the penultimate season ended and how the final season played out was perfect. I just hope they get back to what worked so well for seasons 2 through 4 and forget most of season 5 ever existed.

 

The upcoming season is the final one, so only one more. In a way, I can appreciate a show saying "this is all the story we have to tell" and bowing out before things get awful, but damn if I won't miss Boyd's speeches and Raylan's pissed-off-sumbitch glares.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I really need to go back and do singleplayer again, because I have zero memory of anything you mention from it. I must have just blazed my way through it as quickly as possible because I wanted to be ready when multiplayer launched.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

That guy was hilarious. The "one handed kid" we talked to that night could have killed him. If we weren't trying to snipe him as soon as he spawned, we really could have just kept our sights in the same spot and pressed right trigger. I commented to Robert at one point that it wasn't "can we kill this kid," but "which one of us will kill him first."

 

And yeah, I have to give it up to the person that took us out with that sticky while we were in a Buzzard. Props where props are due.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I managed bronzes in all of the lessons up to it, but Formation Flying made me rage-quit the flying school. I'm of serious doubt I'll ever finish it.

I finally passed it. My recommendation is to try and get enough points before they make you start doing loops and maintaining formation upside down and all that shit. That is impossible.

The very next one is shooting targets in a buzzard. I passed it, but barely. Almost crashed the chopper 3 times. I hope the rest isn't this frustrating or I'll just forget the whole thing.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

I played the weekend playlist, and I'm rather certain that I'm the single-worst jet pilot at my level in all of GTA Online. I flew around with some Level 40 random while alone in Freemode a few weeks ago, and he flew about 2,000 times better than me. He was doing stunts in a Titan. I can't land a freaking plane and I"m 280 levels above him. Freaking absurd.

That last air race where you're practically flying two feet off the ground got the way, way Big Fresh thumbs-down from me. As did the Besra/Buzzzard capture mission. That playlist should've been called Things that Stout Is Really Freaking Bad At.

I adore that race, though. Still finished fourth in the race.

Oh hell, the air race...I was so bad that I just dove into the dirt 3 or 4 times because I missed a checkpoint and it was quicker than trying to circle that bitch back around.

And the Besra capture was just as brutal. I got blown up 4 times, then finally made it all the way to the fort. Came in too hot on the landing and blew it up.

I can fly and land a plane with no problems. But a jet is a big fat no. I always land by cutting the engine and just gliding in. Works every time. But if you try that shit in a jet, it just dive bombs straight to the ground. Then I end up frantically hitting the thruster to restart the engine and don't have enough time to level back out.

Anyway, got about halfway through flight school before I got mad and quit. I got gold on all but two. And here's where I really got confused.

The one where you catch your parachute in mid air and then land. I caught it on the first try, plummeted to the ground, opened the chute at the last minute, and landed perfectly in the center of the landing zone. Bronze medal. What the fuck?

Edit: Oh yeah, Stout. Since you hate jets as much as I do, let me know how the "Formation Flying" lesson goes for you. I personally want to axe murder the developer that created it.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

Well I just finished the flight school special event whatever you call it. If anyone wants to die, climb in a Besra with me. Damn I cannot fly that thing.

Managed to win the Coquette race and the parachute jump, so that was a surprise. Spawned into freemode right beside the guy who kicked our asses in the playlist, and damn if he didn't have a $7,000 bounty on him. Killed him, tucked tail and ran before he respawned, and there sits a Simeon car. Out ran a guy chasing me and delivered it.

Some dick from the IGN crew was invisible and blew me up when I got out of the garage, so I sniped his ass twice and blew up his car. So, all in all, it's been a standard DVDR type session.

[Grand Theft Auto V Talk.]

You should go see how much it sucks for yourself.

But I'd do it in a private room. Last guy I saw riding the ferris wheel got met by me, Mis and Robert at the end of his ride. That didn't go well for him.

I should have listened. Even if you change the camera to first person. It goes back to the other view. It is literally paying 10 bucks or whatever to watch a cutscene.

I had to tap out earlier than I wanted so I could make it to work early today, so I missed out on freemode shenanigans. I think that was the first night in months where I actually earned money as opposed to emptying every rocket I own every 10 minutes.

I should be around for Jobber Thursday. They're reorganizing our floor at work so we have to pack up and leave early.