NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 6, 2013
(by PHIL RIPPA)
Show opens with Dusty Rhodes ON THE STICK~! Since it is just Dusty by himself this week – I will give him a pass on booking the same triple threat match from last week. But hey – Dusty is paying out of his own pocket for extra security.
We get a fatboy Kassius Ohno interview to continue the slow burn for Ohno vs. Regal. I liked the inclusion of referencing Richie Steamboat not being around.
So who gets to squash Yoshi Tatsu this week? The winner is… LEO KRUGER! COME ON DOWN! As opposed to the tag match below, I don’t mind this kind of one sided affair as the crowd is into Tatsu so there is some heat to the match and I prefer Kruger’s “I’m going bend your arms and fingers in ways they shouldn’t” offense. Welp, it looks like the Kruger/Justin Gabriel feud MUST CONTINUE~!
You know – I am going to spotlight Aksana for a second because during the nightmare of a match (see down below for the rest) Aksana of all fucking people has the presence of mind – after Naomi (with the help of Audrey Marie) totally screwed up her finisher – to improvise a pin break up and then a brawl (you can see her wave in Alicia Fox to help with the ref distraction) just so Naomi could do everything over again. So yeah… it’s a good thing she isn’t on the main roster helping folks muddle their way through matches. Sigh…
Renee Young probably should have screen tested her top before going on camera. I think she would have wanted to realize it was so sheer.
God – why did the WWE never do these great Shield grainy video inserts? Oh because they are stupid. I don’t think any of us would doubt that Dean Ambrose really did own a bunker that these were being shot out of.
Bray Wyatt spends multiple segments with his hands in his pockets as he basically embarks on a walkabout and he is still the best guy on a very disappointing week of NXT.
Man – I didn’t realize that we didn’t even get one single tag title defense from Adrian Neville and Oliver Gray before Gray blew out his knee. Poor poor probably roided out fella. That means we have Neville pretending he has no idea where Gray is and deciding to just wrestle the tag match by himself. He is taking on NXT Enhancement Talent (which still makes me way happier than it should ) Judas Devlin and Scott Dawson. One of those two dudes (who I may or may not be able to figure out which) is wearing some great Florence Griffith Joyner-esqe tights. He also has so many hideous tattoos that I am shocked he isn’t being pushed in TNA. Okay – that guy is Judas Devlin. Ah… here is Gray storyline reason for being out – The Wyatt Family takes him out in with a phantom beatdown (just don’t tell Meltzer I called it that or will be here forever). Mind you Neville was so distraught about his best friend getting destroyed that he finished the match first before checking on Grey. CLEARLY THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON!
Throughout the show – they give the men in the triple threat promo time. O’Brian’s is done in that shitty purple lighting and fog that makes it look like the camera was smeared with Vaseline. Graves, during his, does what one could best describe as a potty dance. And Jesus Mary and Joseph – How the fuck did I never notice Bo Dallas’ speech impediment?
Quick! Best Buy needs a tech expert! Get the Middle Eastern Dude! I see nothing wrong with this!
A 6 Diva Tag Match. WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE KITTENS??? It’s Sasha Banks and The Funkadactyls vs. Aksana/Alicia Fox/Audrey Marie. Or The Sistas vs. The Letter A. Clearly NXT is being booked by the same person who makes the US Open pairings. I guess if you needed proof that Banks doesn’t have fake cans just look at the shot of her standing in-between Cameron and Naomi. Good Christ – WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH THE DIVAS THAT YOU DON’T STAND ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE APRON IN A SIX MAN TAG!!!! This is easily the worst match I have seen on NXT so far. Naomi fucked up her finisher so much that they had to redo it. So much fail.
Is it too much to ask that Tony Dawson learns the name of at least one move?
Two weeks of filler just to get back to Conor O’Brian as the #1 contender to Big E Langston. Sure glad I had to sit through like 30 minutes of nonsense for that.