TNA and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night

(by RIPPA)

As many of you have heard by now (clearly more than actually witnessed it) TNA – trying everything in its power to stave off elimination – had one of the worst night’s imaginable at potentially the worst time imaginable as POP TV was unable to air a Live but not really Live but if we say it enough we will con people into thinking it is Live episode of Impact. Starting almost 2 hours late and enduring another round of #LOLTNA is enough to make anyone throw up their hands and post a Facebook rant about how it’s time to retire. Oh…

I always try to watch the pseudo live Impacts as each time it feels like the company is resetting and maybe this time it will be the thing that will stick. Instead – I stuck with the dumpster fire that was POP TV for 1 hour and 50 minutes. This is a recap of that time and how I need to re-evaluate all the choices in my life that lead up to that moment.

First – before I get to all the wakka wakka, I do want to make it clear that none of this was TNA’s fault. I mean I will pretty much savage them and POP for the remainder of this piece but this was not on them. (The decisions they have made up until the airing of the show are all on them but that is a different piece.)

“The show was sent from Orlando to Atlanta, GA, where Pop’s master control is.  The show was then to be sent up via satellite, where it would be sent to the cable and satellite companies and then sent on to your homes.  It appears that weather conditions in Georgia, where there was a massive thunderstorm with heavy winds, caused master control to not be able to send the signal to the satellite.  The issue was finally corrected at 10:50 PM.   As far as why Pop didn’t put something else on beyond the loop of commercials, I don’t have an answer to that.  The loop was described to us as a “back-up” feed that the cable network has.

This was not a case of TNA not having the show completed or edited.  They filmed at 6:30 PM and were done well before the show was scheduled to broadcast on Pop.  TNA was in midst of taping next week’s episode when they were made aware that something was wrong but it wasn’t a situation they could control.  It was in Pop’s hands.”

Mike Johnson – PWI Insider

So…. to the best of my ability this is how the night went

9:00 PM EST

Impact is supposed to start now. Instead viewers are met with a black screen and no sound. I, at first, thought they might be doing a tribute for the victims of the Orlando shooting. TNA is often quite good at recognizing things of this nature (despite what the tweets of Matt Hardy might lead you to believe). Instead – you start to hear a garbled Josh Matthews cutting in and out as it is clear the show is attempting to air but isn’t. Eventually – POP throws to commercial filler

9:03 PM EST

TNA folks – busy taping their 2nd episode of Impact to air next week, blissfully unaware that anything is wrong.

9:05 PM EST

Five minutes in and still nothing.

I should explain now that POP TV’s filler was 2 commercials for That 70s Show, the game show Celebrity Name Game, and a generic commercial for Impact itself. These three commercials ended up playing close to 50 times each. The order would change just to keep you on your toes. Just so you can understand for future reference the spots consisted of

  1. That 70s Show generic commercial talking about the zaniest things that always occurs and Red Foreman rightly hating the youth of America. The ad ended with a high Donna going “I HAVE THE BIGGEST HANDS IN THE WORLD!”
  2. That 70s Show sex commercial that focused on all the boning that apparently happened on the show. This one started with Donna and Eric sitting in a car with Donna declaring that she wasn’t wearing a bra (which Eric said made her the best girlfriend ever).
  3. Celebrity Game Night hosted by Craig Ferguson. The definition of celebrity is used very loosely
  4. The Impact commercial started with a quote from Jesse Ventura about how wrestling was ballet with violence then it was clips from various Impacts.

9:07 PM EST

The tough questions are being asked

9:08 PM EST

TNA acknowledges something is afoot.

9:09 PM EST

We learn that our brothers to the North are unaffected

9:10 PM EST

9:15 PM EST

Fifteen minutes after Impact was to have begun and we are still in POP inspired Dante level of hell. Why POP has done nothing to change the programming or at least notify the viewer is baffling.

But right at this moment – there is a breakthrough. Suddenly a new challenger appears

The commercials from advertisers that are supposed to air during Impact have clearly begun. Okay – we are all good now. I mean TNA was boned but some switches were flipped and we are good to go…

Well that is rather unfortunate (but damn funny). Let it be known that Angel Soft has a commercial where a kid shits into a wicker basket. That spot ran during what would have been Impact.

9:18 PM EST

We join the show in progress with Eli Drake about to get into the ring. I believe this is going to be him defending the King of the Mountain Title against Jef….

And it’s gone. That’s not good…

9:20 PM EST

So yeah – Dixie and Billy Corgan were too busy getting themselves over than to put their collective feet up POP’s asses

9:21 PM EST

9:22 PM EST

About this time – programming begins again. This time Bobby Lashley is standing in the ring and he has THE STICK~! (this turns out to have been the start of the show. We later would come to find out that POP had promised to air the show in its entirety with limited commercial interruption. We didn’t know that yet.) Problem is that after about five seconds, the audio is FUBARed and I described it as Lashley was speaking at 45 but it was being played at 33. Then I realized no one would understand how a turn table worked anymore.

Anyway – we are back to our emergency filler.

9:24 PM EST

It’s becoming real real

Also – we reached the stage where I am all in.

9:28 PM EST

Another round of “real” commercials airs. One is for the auto insurance with The General which I kinda even feel like is too good to be airing on POP. However… the next sponsor is not.

9:31 PM EST

POP FINALLY acknowledges that there is a problem (that was a direct tweet from them and not random replies to folks)

At the same time – we are getting one second bursts of Impact. Somewhat like there is something in there trying to get out.

9:32 PM EST

9:35 PM EST

I am gone

9:38 PM EST

Ray is gone

9:39 PM EST

9:44 PM EST

POP tried to call my bluff

9:49 PM EST

Ray bringing the hard truths

9:50 PM EST

Dixie finally pulls herself away from being in front of the camera long enough to say

9:51 PM EST

I start to spending way too much time analyzing the Impact spot

Put a pin in this one – we will revisit.

9:53 PM EST

The hardest of the hard cores are totally not over-reacting

9:57 PM EST

I start bringing the hard truths

10:00 PM EST

Impact is officially a hour late.

10:01 PM EST

TNA – rightly – continues to throw POP under the bus

10:02 PM EST

10:07 PM EST

Oh really….

10:09 PM EST

I probably should have taken the moment when I started making How I Met Your Mother references as the first sign I should have gone to bed

10:11 PM EST

Ray and I are giving zero fucks.

10:12 PM EST

Remove the pin

10:12 PM EST

You know how you might get somewhere that hasn’t opened yet and a bunch of folks are milling around waiting. You always get that one person who shows up and immediately walks over and tries to open the door because clearly none of the other dozen people did it…

Of course Wade also tweeted WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?! but after being yelled at by me and others – he deleted that tweet.

10:14 PM EST

A light at the end of the tunnel?

10:15 EST

I have brought others down with me

10:18 PM EST

78 minutes after Impact was supposed to air and POP finally adds a crawl to the bottom of the screen

10:19 PM EST

I have convinced myself that TNA’s ratings will actually be up since several of us can’t avert our eyes

10:21 PM EST

EC3 is the God Damn Best

10:28 PM EST

EC3 is a God Damn Liar

10:30 PM EST

After much hype – it appears that Impact will begin

10:34 PM EST

Aww…

10:36 PM EST

FYI – we are back in the loop and POP is clearly on the verge of punting themselves

10:46 PM EST

If you were curious – Practical Magic was suppose to air after Impact. Yes I looked that up.

However – this was the hard cold truth

10:50 PM EST

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!!!

10:57 PM EST

Umm…. I think you need to reconsider your definition of “slight”

10:58 PM EST