205 LIVE RETRO WORKRATE REPORT
EPISODE #3 (12/13/16)
(by PHIL RIPPA)
I am already in a weird spot. I am tired of the Swann/Kendrick/TJP love triangle but I also know wishing for other people in the main event gets me Enzo. The devil I know I guess.
+ This is the first week of the announcers sitting up at the top of the ramp so I guess it “works” that they ran the main event angle last week.
+ Guys can you believe that Drew Gulak vs. Jack Gallagher is really fucking enjoyable? I know! Right! Gulak gets a nice reaction because they are in Philly. He also gets a nice reaction by responding to the Windsor Knot by beating the shit out Gallagher. Of course, I don’t think Gallagher was supposed to be flung neck first into the ropes either.
+ They also set up that Gallagher vs. Ariya Daivari will continue their feud. Anything that means more Jack Gallagher on my TV screen works.
+ Hey! Tajiri wasn’t announced as being on the roster two weeks ago! Sweet! (Since I legit forgot he did anything beyond the CWC). I am going to assume Tajiri got to use veteran status to miss the opening police lineup. Of course, that doesn’t explain Brian Kendrick being tortured by it. Unless they just decided to dick around Kendrick as a proxy for Paul London. HOW DARE YOU SMILE AT VINCE?!?!?!
+ Mustafa Ali calls out all the racists so that, of course, makes him a heel.
+ Lince Dorado vs. Ali was going to be in this half of the column just because of the fresh meat on this show but it was a fun match until the horseshit double countout finish. Then it was going to make it anyway for the fan who audibly yells “THIS IS HOW ROCKY 2 ENDED!!!!”
+ I know I have my issues with Noam Dar but I too would awkwardly hit on Alicia Fox so here we are.
– The show opened with a giant recap of all the nonsense that I didn’t like last week (which is basically anything TJP related). Obviously they need to establish the hype for the Rich Swann/Brian Kendrick/TJ Perkins match that will occur on Roadblock but the show description has already warned me that Swann is wrestling Perkins we are going to start with me hating this show. Let’s see if it can dig itself out of the hole.
– Austin Aries – still a terrible commentator.
– In the things that don’t age well category: Mauro name dropping Katsuyori Shibata in describing Gallagher’s headbutt.
– Lince Dorado says he is gonna lead the way on Lucha Libre. If that is true… Lucha Libre is doomed. I mean one would hope the leader of Lucha Libre would know how to do an Asai Moonsaul without smashing his own head on the floor but that’s just me.
– Oh, fuck you show. I don’t need a “Get to know TJ Perkins” video. He searched for inspiration because that is all he had. ? TJ also says he is the model for “this generation”. This is why everyone thinks millennials ruin everything.
– It took me to this very moment to realize that TJP looks exactly like he walked straight out of a LMFAO video.
– Another entry in the things that don’t age well: Rich Swann is the Man Who Can’t Be Handled
– The Swann/TJP main event match probably should be in the first half of this column but it is so hard to overlook WWE’s frustrating booking. Swann beats Kendrick last week. Kendrick beats TJP on RAW. TJP beats Swann tonight. And around and around and around we go.