BobbyWhioux Posted November 2, 2024 Posted November 2, 2024 8 hours ago, zendragon said: Rick Steiner is another name that I'm surprised has made it this long. Does he hang on until the end? Rick Steiner is around to the end of WCW and is in fact the central figure in it's last great Wrestlecrap worthy moment of IP cross-promotion 2
Gorman Posted November 2, 2024 Posted November 2, 2024 5 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: What was Madden's character motivation in SCW? Was he developing his new-age Heenan role here? What was the interplay like between you two? Yes, he was very much a heel color guy in the Bobby Heenan mold. I was trying to play everything as straight as possible to make him seem as outrageous as possible. And of course, he had to razz me for looking like Joey Styles. 3
SirSmUgly Posted November 3, 2024 Author Posted November 3, 2024 Show #241 – 22 May 2000 "The one that proves that the universe is not just because people spend their time and even their money to get Bischoff and Russo's 'insights' into being the showrunner for pro wrestling television even after this sort of ungodly abomination of a Nitro that shouldn't exist in a just world" There are two more weeks of major WCW television shows until the final Great American Bash. That is a lot of poorly-structured television to get through! So, if you’ll recall, Bisch and Russo missed the previous Thunder because, at the end of the previous Nitro, they traveled to have a mysterious meeting with someone meant to neutralize Kevin Nash. Let me guess: Is this the weird Goldberg heel turn that makes no shoot or kayfabe sense coming up? Recap: Thunder, man. Thunder. Outside the arena, a hearse and a limo pull up. Liz steps out of the limo, followed by Vince Russo, Jeff Jarrett, and Dopey Dave all dressed in black. They’re going to have a funeral for Ric Flair’s career, you see. FUCK OK, fine, whatever, do the stupid funeral thing. Just get it out of the way. But no, here’s Ernest Miller to open the show. Why is it taking so long to turn the Cat babyface again? Hurry it up, idiots. His opponent is Booker T., who was shunted out of a feud with Scott Steiner that would have been pretty great to instead, uh, join the Misfits in Action. Anyway, Booker and the Cat are having a Weapons Match, which is pretty much the same as a Hardcore Match except that the Cat has brought some weapons oft used in the most martial of arts. Madden points out that Ernie coaches Garett Bischoff in karate while Miller badly whiffs on a weak nunchaku shot. I love the Cat flipping around weapons and dancing, but this could be shorter. Booker makes a comeback, gets cut off with a shot to the balls, and is beaten with rubber sticks. It’s as low impact as it sounds. Booker makes another comeback that doesn’t stick. This is going on FOREVER. Hurry it up, man. And I like these two! Okay, finally, Booker counters with a Book End, eats a bit of damage from a counter blow, then lands a Houston Side Kick, drills a spinebuster, and goes to town with a kendo stick. Shawn Stasiak leaps into the ring and jumps Booker from behind, but Booker hits him with an axe kick and swats him with a chair that the Cat tossed into the ring. The Cat takes the chance to cartwheel kick the chair back into Booker’s face and score a quick three, though. Stasiak and the Cat attempt to continue their attack, but the M.I.A. rush the ring and make the save. Eric Bischoff and Kimberly walk onto the ramp as the Cat and Stasiak wander back up the aisle. Bisch insists on talking, unfortunately. He says that he and Russo are one phone call away from “changing the face of WCW forever.” Oh no, they are going to turn Goldberg heel for some inexplicable fucking reason. No one wants to boo him! He’s still way over as a babyface! People still chant for him when the heels are doing fuckery in the ring, and he hasn't been on television for almost six months at this point! Why would they do this?! Join the New Blood, suggests Bischoff to the wrestlers in the ring, and end this silly war between us. The M.I.A. has three words for Bischoff: KISS. OUR. ASS. Then Major Gunns moons Bischoff. Bischoff cuts a look at Gunns’s ass so creepy that I think he was imbued with the spirit of Vincent Kennedy McMahon there for a second. Or maybe he’s just creepy on his own, actually. He swears that the Misfits will pay for their insolence. The top Millionaire’s Club members get out of a car in the parking lot. Sting says the word GIZZIMICK. Bummer. Bischoff yells at the Misfits in the back. He fires Booker T. But he didn’t fire G.I. Bro! An oversized nose that would look in the proper place if it were attached to a life-sized Mr. Potato Head sits in an open coffin as the New Blood heels mentioned at the top of this review fake mourn Ric Flair and his career. Terry Taylor escorts Reid Flair into the building. NO. Get this kid the hell off my television. Uh, and also, rest in peace. Blipmo: Terry Funk was at a press conference to announce an announcement that he’ll make on Nitro. They’ve been using the footage from Beyond the Mat to try and half-heartedly push that Funk is on his very last legs, and they mention that his wife Vicki has wanted him to retire, and maybe this is the end of the road for the Funker. Daffney enters the ring and, uh, talks? She is upset that Crowbar thinks that he’s the Cruiserweight Champion when she’s the Cruiserweight Champion and he’s being immature because he peed in her suitcase because she’s the champ and not him and she wants him to come to the ring and settle this figurative tug-of-war over the belt like “two reasonable adults.” Then, Crowbar comes to the ring, and they have a literal tug of war over the belt before having a match to decide who is the singular champion of all the cruiserweights. Ms. Hancock comes out to watch the match. Daffney gives Crowbar a wedgie and a Frankenscreamer. I love Daffney and I love Crowbar, but this is maybe the least effective use of Daffney and Crowbar, kind of like Booker and the Cat were being used in their least effective roles earlier. Candido and Sytch bust in on the match and attack. There’s a whole big schmozz, but it ends with Candido hitting Crowbar with a Rikishi Driver on a chair that moved a bit before he could land it, but it still looked alright and sounded good. Daffney crawls over for the pin and becomes the sole Cruiserweight Champion. WCW World Cruiserweight Championship title change count: 7 (Madusa > Oklahoma > VACANT > TAFKAPI > VACANT > Candido > Daffney and Crowbar > Daffney)… Russo really loves putting the Cruiserweight belt on the ladies, which I don’t have a problem with except he simultaneously treats the title like a joke. The Kid Cam is back outta nowhere; Torrie Wilson gives Horace Hogan a full-body massage while Horace groans. Ew. M.I.A. is distraught as Booker leaves the arena, but he says he has a plan and they should just wait until next week to find out what it is. Ralphus and Norman Smiley wash cars for cash in the parking lot, right behind where the M.I.A. stands as they talk to Booker. Kidman has seen the footage from the stolen Kid Cam and is hot. He confronts Bischoff, who yells DO I LOOK LIKE DR. LAURA TO YOU? except that the auto-captioner reads DR. LAURA as DR. MORON, which is a more appropriate name for her, to be honest. Kidman storms off to fight Horace, but runs into Torrie first. He’s upset at her and says that she can referee the upcoming match between Kidman and Horace, which I guess starts right then and there. Bischoff punches a passing ref, maybe Johnny Boone, and strips off his ref shirt. Torrie is wearing it as she and Bischoff follow the brawl through the backstage area and to ringside. Bischoff gets on commentary while Horace and Kidman have a mediocre brawl. The match does end up in the ring, where both men trade control. So, Bischoff says that if Hulk Hogan F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea beats Kidman at GAB, he gets a world title shot at Bash at the Beach. AW, YEAH. And that’s the only time that I’ll say that about a Hogan/Bollea title shot. Bisch promises a special guest ref and yammers on and on while Horace preps Kidman for a table bomb. Kidman reverses the powerbomb, but neither of them see F.U.N.B.T.B. sneak to the ring, crotch Kidman on the top rope, and get back some of that heat he lost from destroying Kidman and Horace last week, but not as much as he should have destroyed them to really max out his heat. He tosses Kidman through the table that Horace is already on, puts Kidman on top of Horace, puts a boot on top of Kidman, and makes Torrie count. Well, now I think he can beat Kidman at GAB. I mean, even more than I already did. Bollea gets a mic and runs down Bischoff. He’s edgy, so he calls Bischoff a “pissant” and a “piece of shit.” At the desk, Bischoff yells about the injustice of whatever, who cares, fuck off. The funeral for Ric Flair(‘s career) continues in the back. Elsewhere, Terry Taylor plans something with Reid Flair. Norm and Ralphus see a lowrider rolling up full of Filthy Animals and try to sell them a car wash. Hudson thinks the transmission on the car is broken because he doesn’t understand the concept of hydraulics, I suppose. M.I.A. views the Animals’ appearance on a monitor backstage. The Funker wears a tux, his red bandana, and the Hardcore Championship as he comes to the ring. Oh, and white cowboy boots! Vintage Terry Funk, as Michael Cole might say. His daughter is in the front row for this announcement. Funk meanders up to making the announcement, which gives Bischoff and some New Blood members time to spoil it, as we see them preparing to do so in the back. Shane Douglas walks out with some backup, tells Funk to hurry it up. Funk inexplicably tells Douglas to give him a HELL YEAH if he wants the announcement to come out quicker (Funk: “I’ve heard that somewhere before”; Hudson, in a moment of genius: “I think we all have!”). Keep reminding me that there’s a better show I could be watching, WCW. Good idea. Anyway, the announcement is that Funk’s daughter has recently had a healthy young boy, so the Funker’s a grandpa! A grandpa and the WCW Hardcore Champion, to the irritation of Bischoff and the New Blood! Douglas feels cheated; he thought Funk would retire. Funk says that grandpas are for rocking chairs, not wrestling rings, so he’s retiring on the first of June. That’s the first of June in 2001 because he just signed a contract extension with WCW. Well, you’ll make it to at least March, buddy. Stasiak, Douglas, the Cat, and Candido run to the ring and beat him up in front of his somewhat upset daughter. OK, eventually she manages to work up a good cry. Brandi (Brandy? Brandie?) can’t take it anymore after Douglas piledrives Funk onto a chair. She gets in the ring, but is unable to stop this overlong beating, which is too bad because I'd really appreciate it if somebody would stop this overlong beating. Douglas finally pins Funk and takes the Hardcore Championship for himself. I mean, fair enough, that’s how KroniK apparently officially won the tag titles. We miss the stretcher job that Funk is gonna do, but who cares? They mean nothing anymore anyway. Gunns and Rection distract Ralphus and Norm so that Stash can swap out their water buckets. Interview clips: The audio on this Kanyon interview from Thunder that they play for us is awful, man. THE WALL, BROTHER and Mike Awesome kill both the table gimmick and the Ambulance Match gimmick dead some more, this time against one another. Well, at least they’re efficient. Awesome rolls down in a wheelchair and a back brace to mock Kanyon. Awesome is now named “Career Killer” on the chyron. Awesome cannot talk, and it strikes me that WCW continues to sign guys who cannot talk and then has them talk more than they should. He pretends to be Kanyon in this pre-match interview that, like everything else on this show, goes on a touch too long. THE WALL, BROTHER finally cuts him off. I will say that some Russo-booked shows have things go too short and others have things go too long, but none of it has creative value anyway, so really, I’m not sure that the length of these segments matters all that much. TW,B controls for the opening portion of the match with punches and slams. Awesome tries to transition into an Awesome Bomb by sacktapping his way out of ten punches in the corner, but TW,B blocks it and then charges him. Awesome backdrops TW,B over the top rope and through a table, a bump that apparently ends the match. No ambulances were involved. TW,B pretty much no-sells the table bump to attack Awesome again, but Douglas rushes the ramp holding a steel pipe and helps Awesome beat down TW,B. They brawl all the way into the backstage area, where DDP hops out of the ambulance parked in the back wielding a chair. He attacks Douglas and Awesome with it, then tosses Awesome into the ambulance and closes the doors. It drives off. Meanwhile, TW,B and Douglas keep fighting. We suddenly cut to Russo and Company pushing the coffin to the ring. Liz thinks this whole thing is stupid. She is correct. Russo is upset that she isn’t taking this whole dog-and-pony show seriously and has Palumbo take her away. After break, Ralphus and Norm pour white paint onto the lowrider instead of soap and water, but they rub it right into the car’s hood anyway. Hey, that’s Cactus Jack’s old theme! Unfortunately, there’s no Mick Foley. There is only Vince Russo, Dopey Dave, and Jeff Jarrett doing this mock funeral for Ric Flair(‘s career). Russo torturously leads us through a mock eulogy for Ric’s career. Finally, he hands the big gold belt over to Jeff Jarrett and declares Jarrett the champion. Is this official? What the hell, sure, why not. WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 13 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid > VACANT > Jarrett > DDP > Arquette > Jarrett > Ric Flair > Jarrett) Jarrett and VACANT are leading the field! Russo pulls out the Rolex that he yapped off of Flair a few weeks back and says that he’s going to bury it in the casket with Flair, but Kevin Nash is somehow in the casket. Did he somehow acquiret the Undertaker’s teleportation powers from that time he feuded with him in 1996? Nash destroys everyone and takes the big gold belt for himself. Some new blonde interviewer whose name is not stated is talked over by Russo, who demands that Nash give the big gold belt back to Jarrett by the end of this show. Before the Blazers play the Lakers in a series they should have won if Scottie Pippen hadn’t choked in the fourth quarter of game seven, we have more matches! Scott Steiner (w/Midajah and Shakira and at least one other lady) grabs a mic; he’s in Michigan, where he is a huge babyface. He mentions the 69 position, and the crowd goes BANANAS. Wrestling in 2000, folks! Steiner says this: MY FRIENDS HAVE ALWAYS TOLD ME, ‘YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU LACK DISCIPLINE, AND ONE DAY YOU MIGHT END UP IN JAIL.’ Sounds strangely familiar. Anyway, Steiner is introducing a round cage called THE ASYLUM, which I guess is now his gimmick match. Everyone has a specialty gimmick match in this Russo run. He wants to fight one or more of Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott in THE ASYLUM. Rick Steiner answers the call. The brothers fight in the ring as THE ASYLUM lowers over them. There’s no space in this poor excuse for the Octagon, so Scotty has to kind of toss Rick down rather than fully Belly to Belly him. He locks on a Steiner Recliner as Tank Abbott does the Goldberg entrance while holding some bolt cutters. This is insipid. This whole fucking show is insipid. Tank has these bolt cutters, but they don’t work, so he punches Mickey Jay and takes the controls to THE ASYLUM, then attacks Scotty. That fucking Kevin Nash comes back out here holding the big gold belt and makes the save by swinging it around and clearing out the heels. Jeff Jarrett and Vince Russo see the previous incident on a monitor backstage and talk, but no one can hear what they say because WCW has always had bottom-tier production, and the budget cuts from Turner certainly didn’t help. Who is this random blonde lady that they didn’t introduce, and why is she on this television show if she’s this bad at interviewing? I vaguely remember Pamela Paulshock, or at least the name, but I miss Gene Okerlund already if this is what we’ve been reduced to. There are literally thousands of attractive women in this country who can cut an interview. Why not pick one of them for this role? And if she’s supposed to be a stereotypical dumb blonde, why would anyone think that I want to see someone playing that role as an interviewer on a wrestling show? Why does this show suck so much? Someone make better choices in the booking room, please. Anyway, Paulshock coaxes a response to her questions to Nash; he challenges Jeff Jarrett to a title match later tonight, at least when he's not busy hitting on Pam. Terry Taylor talks to Reid Flair backstage; meanwhile, Chuck Palumbo (w/R&B Security) leads Liz to the ring. He’ll wrestle Diamond Dallas Page next. Page is a house on fire as he throws punches and lands a belly-to-belly suplex. Palumbo tries to get something going, but gets caught and sit-out powerbombed for two on a duck down. So here’s the transition – a ball shot. Well, it’s better than no transition, but a lot of these transitions are just ball shots. Liz gets on the apron and slaps Palumbo, who stumbles backward into a rollup for two before DDP and Palumbo hit a double clothesline for a standing ten count that is absolutely not earned. Kimberly sneaks down the aisle with a baseball bat and swats Liz in the back with it. Meanwhile, Mike Awesome rushes through the crowdm enters the ring, and hits DDP with the back brace; Palumbo follows up with a Torture Rack that gets Page to submit. The Total Package runs out and checks on Liz while Palumbo and Awesome continue to throw punches at DDP. TTP finally decides to get in the ring and leave Liz alone, but Kim grabs his leg and gives Palumbo time to size up a shot to his dome with the flexor. And you won’t believe this, but there’s a stretcher job. Guess who does it? I’ll leave the possibilities to your fertile imagination. …OK, it was Package. He bleeds from the flexor shot to his face. Palumbo and Kim mock Liz for what happened to TTP. Terry Taylor and Reid Flair walk to the ring. Reid should not be on television at all, and Terry Taylor has to feed him the line DAVID, COULD YOU PLEASE COME OUT HERE; I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU a couple of times. Dave and Daffney get in the ring. Reid apologizes for anything he’s done to piss Dopey Dave off and says the whole family misses him. Dave responds by yelling a lot while Daffney clobbers Taylor with a mini-Statue of Liberty. Reid hits a double-leg takedown on Dave and manages a headlock, but Dave pops him in the solar plexus and locks him in a Figure Four until security rushes down to break things up. Get Charlotte Ashley in here to do a moonsault or something instead. I don’t care if she’s only fourteen. Vampiro (w/gasoline can, butane lighter) walks the aisle. His opponent is that fucking F.U.N.B Terry Bollea. How many more fucking weeks? Six? I can do six. Bash at the Beach is going to be a great PPV just off the strength of Russo running this bum out of the company. Anyway, guess what happens in this match? Here’s a hint, using the transitive property: Sting is portrayed as FAR better than Vampiro. Hogan is portrayed as better than Sting. So, how do you think Hogan does against Vampiro here? Though he actually gives Vamp a flurry of offense to start before no selling all of it and doing his pathetic attempt at being edgy like ol’ Stone Cold. Could this have been shorter? Yes. Undeniably, obviously yes. Billy Kidman finally runs in, uses Vampiro’s lighter to clock Hogan in the head, and allows Vamp to cover him for three. But that’s way too much shine for the guy, so Sting immediately runs in and beats him up to help Hogan get a little of his much-needed heat back. The Filthy Animals come back out, see their car, and beat up Ralphus and Norm, but not for too long! The M.I.A. join the fray and drive them off. Rection orders poor, poor Major Gunns to give Ralphus CPR, but he tries to pull a Sandlot and slip her some tongue; she sees it before she can lock lips with him, slaps him, and yells YUCK as the rest of the Misfits YUK YUK YUK. OK, so Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash fight over a belt that Ric Flair never actually lost because this show is fucking dumb, Vince Russo is a moron, and Eric Bischoff is just here to protect the Hulkster and collect a paycheck. Russo and R&B Security come to the ring before the match starts; Russo gets in the ring, hits Billy Silverman with a bat, and makes himself the ref. OK, nothing matters. Everything is dreadfully stupid. Russo refuses to count for Nash. Jarrett hits a chair shot. They end up obligabrawling. Nash pretty much rolls Jarrett, but Russo prefers to crotch chop rather than count. They do the same spot over twice where Nash destroys Jarrett, covers, doesn’t get a count, advances on Russo, and gets hit with something. The second time, it’s the big gold belt. Russo is slow to get his hand down three times after that last weapon shot. Nash gets right back on top and sets up for a Jackknife, but Russo maces him. Jarrett hits a Stroke, but Scotty Steiner returns the favor to Nash and chases Jarrett away from the pinfall. Russo maces him and gets R&B Security to handcuff him to the ropes. Nash still controls both guys and almost chokes Russo into counting three on Jarrett, but it’s a 2.8. Nash still needs to go over stronger because he’s really been mistreated lately, so he beats up R&B Security and then prepares to powerbomb Russo on the floor (no raised ramp this week). And then OH MY GOD OH. MY. GOD. THEY TRY TO DROP ANOTHER BLOODBATH ON NASH. AND YES, IT AGAIN MISSES, THIS TIME BEHIND HIM. NASH PEEKS BACKWARD, SEES THAT ONCE AGAIN, HIS MARK IS OFF, AND SLOWLY, OBVIOUSLY BACKS UP INTO THE SPILLING CORN SYRUP TO TRY AND GET SOME ON HIM. W-C-FUCKIN’-W, EVERYBODY! So, Jarrett KABONGs Nash and gets Russo to count three, but I can’t even with this shit. Stop doing bloodbaths! Please! Bisch comes out and basically teases that Goldberg turn, I’m almost certain of it, which explains why there was no Goldberg truck this week. Can you believe that people still listen to Bischoff and Russo in 2024 to get their insight into creative directions on modern pro wrestling shows? Why would you do that? Must be young dudes who weren’t alive in the year 2000, a year that has been so bad for WCW over its first six months that I would gladly watch all of 1999 WCW again before I even took a single peek at another WCW show from the first half of 2000. -15.7 Quintillion out of 5 Stinger Splashes. 3
BobbyWhioux Posted November 3, 2024 Posted November 3, 2024 the one upside to Paulshock is that Jarrett would sometimes switch it up and call her "blondie" instead of "slapnuts" so there's slightly more variety to Jarrett segments from here on out, at least. 1
Spaceman Spiff Posted November 3, 2024 Posted November 3, 2024 Quote -15.7 Quintillion out of 5 Stinger Splashes Are we going to get a final average score for both of these shows at the end of this run? 1
SirSmUgly Posted November 3, 2024 Author Posted November 3, 2024 3 hours ago, Spaceman Spiff said: Are we going to get a final average score for both of these shows at the end of this run? My winter project while I'm traveling is to take a couple weeks off from writing up reviews and instead create a master list of all the Nitros and Thunders with their titles, dates of original air, and scores. Unfortunately, since at least one Nitro has scored an imaginary number, the average score for these Nitros would be NaN, if my math is correct, and I can't really do an average beyond that.
SirSmUgly Posted November 4, 2024 Author Posted November 4, 2024 Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and eleven – 24 May 2000 "The WCW Gang just hates me, I think, and I don't know why because I never did anything to them; I only wanted to enjoy some pro wrestling, you know?" OK, sure, let’s Thunder once more… Recap: Nitro was suboptimal!.. As happens at the top of every show, someone arrives in a vehicle. This time, it’s Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash in a sports car, and Tony S.'s excitement over this is cut off by the opening theme in mid-sentence… I spot Sid Vicious, who is a regular part of this opening…Hey, is it weird that Sid hasn’t been back on TV since joining the New Blood?...The guy is a main eventer…Ruschoff's booking is like someone learning to juggle who starts with fifteen bowling pins, throws them all up in the air at the same time, and doesn’t catch a single one of them… Chris Candido (w/Tammy Sytch) opens our show once again…They are calling themselves “The First Couple of Sports Entertainment,” which is a silly nickname, specifically the "of sports entertainment" part…Russo is such a dope with his insistence on using Vinnie Mac's nomenclature…Candido and Sytch hate on the attractiveness of the ladies in the crowd before Sytch does a striptease…TAFKAPI (w/Paisley) is his opponent…Or maybe it’ll be another mixed tag…They walk down the raised ramp, which is back for this show… Uh, so we cut to the back after Paisley introduces TAFKAPI to find Okerlund talking to Daffney…Daffney is defending her title against Candido and TAFKAPI while wearing a black wedding dress…What does Russo have against the Cruiserweight Championship?...Hold on, so after Daffney makes it to the ring post-interview, Tammy and Paisley attack one another…Ms. Hancock walks out onto the ramp…I don’t care, whatever…I refuse to dignify this bout with a detailed call…Daffney makes a couple of saves on each guys…The guys do a Superman/Doomsday spot, and Daffney covers both of them for two…Crowbar runs in after the men attack Daffney…Tammy pays Hancock off and takes Hancock’s clipboard…She swings it at Daffney, but hits Candido, and Daffney falls on top of her for three…Fucking dumb…Stupid ass Ruschoff are trying to ruin Daffney and Crowbar for me, and they’re one of the few acts that I like on this show… Russo whines about Scotty Steiner and Kevin Nash to Eric Bischoff, but Bisch says that he has his own problems…Russo at least asks Bisch or Kim or even the Cat to keep an eye on Liz… Norm and Ralph try to sell cosmetics in the parking lot…Shane Douglas isn’t interested in any of that, but he thinks that Norm and Ralphus would be a great opponent for him and the Hardcore Championship…Douglas says he’ll work it out with Bisch…I sense a possible off-ramp from these poor comedy skits with an unemployed Norm and Ralphus…Let’s hope I’m right…[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was not.] Kimberly, who wants Bisch to make her a star already, dammit, does her makeup and yammers at Liz, whom she has made her assistant…Liz is annoyed… Shane Douglas comes to the ring and crows about how cool he is and how he’s the new Hardcore Champion because he FRANCHISED Terry Funk’s ass…Douglas suddenly remembers that he was feuding with Ric Dick Flair…He runs that guy down, too…Finally, he introduces Norman Smiley and Ralphus…The latter is (apparently, supposedly) in a gorilla suit…Apparently, Douglas didn’t clear this with Bisch, who is incredulous backstage…This is the same sort of match it always is…I appreciate Douglas hitting an actual wrestling move (a neck snap) in there…They clatter each other with stuff inside the ring, on the ramp, and back inside the ring again…There are a few weak comedy spots in there…This thing is a heatless slog that goes on for what seems like an eternity…A table gets the biggest chant, and Norm gets dumped through it with a front suplex…Oh look, Ralphus isn’t in the suit; rather it’s Terry Funk, who wins the title back for himself!...I’m shocked, SHOCKED at the SWERVE, BRO…An upset Bischoff wants the Cat to go “Jackie Chan [Funk’s] ass!”…[EDITOR'S NOTE: The Cat does not, in fact, do that tonight.] Vince Russo yells at an older lady while walking through the halls…Scotty Steiner and Kevin Nash have goggles that should help against future mace attacks… Recap: I wish Vince Russo hadn’t interjected himself into this Dopey Dave/Ric Flair feud…I do have interest in it, but Russo has been a net-negative as a part of this angle… Vince Russo, the older woman (named Mrs. Snodgrass), Dopey Dave, Daffney, and a bunch of R&B Security mooks walk to the ring…Russo wants to prove that Dave rules and the rest of the Flair brood sucks…Russo’s got Mrs. Snodgrass, Reid’s (apparent, supposed) sixth-grade teacher here to run the kid down…This fuckin’ BLOWS…Snodgrass: “He taught the boys to make flatulating noises”…Russo: FLATULATING NOISES, FLATULATING NOISES…I am truly in wrestling hell…Dopey Dave takes the mic and hopes that Reid is watching this at home and sobbing…He says that his pops has already been retired, so he instead challenges Reid to a match at GAB… OK, so Kevin Nash comes out here to retort…I still think it’s odd that Nash has inserted himself into this feud…It screams SWERVE, BRO to me for some reason…Nash says that he wants to beat Russo down, but so does his former nWo running buddy Scott Steiner (w/Midajah and Shakira)…The ladies cheer Nash and Scotty on as they destroy R&B Security…Russo hides behind Snodgrass, then pushes Dopey Dave into Nash’s grasp and a Jackknife…Russo hides behind Snodgrass again…Steiner considers suplexing her, but then stomps out Dave instead…Aw, what a babyface!... Nash says that he and Scotty just want to have a conversation with Russo…Russo lets Snodgrass go, and Nash chokes him out while Scotty demands that Nash and he get a world title shot in a Triple Threat later tonight…Russo acquiesces to their demands… After the break, we see Jarrett yelling at Russo for giving Scotty and Nash a title shot…Meanwhile, Bischoff chews out Shane Douglas for losing the hardcore title to Terry Funk and demands that Douglas go finish off Funk and get the belt back… The Filthy Animals saunter down the ramp…Konnan yells at the crowd and then has Rey and Disco join him in a HOODY HOO…Wow, Disco with the HOODY HOO…One final jab at Master P. and the NLS, I suppose…They challenge the Misfits in Action, who run down and nearly clear the ring…Everyone corner splashes Disco…Gunns advances on Disco, who thinks he’s gonna be boob bombed, but she kicks him in the junk instead… As the match resets, can I offer an aside to you, reader?...The past nine months of WCW television has been so relentlessly awful, and I’m realizing how much I still need to get through…Goldberg as a heel…Russo chasing Charlotte around the ring while calling her a bitch…Goldberg “refusing to follow the script”…Hell, there are still two PPVs until New Blood Rising, and I want the New Blood angle to be ended yesterday…I just want some decent TV already…If Sullivan/Dillon/et al. could have at least booked me a couple of months of solid interim television between the Russo stints to help me out, that really would have given me something to enjoy before being having this Ruschoff period inflicted upon me...Instead, they gave me the worst Nitro Era television up to that point...And now, I lack replenishment and and have been so worn down that I feel like every Ruschoff show takes five hours to finish… This match is fine, and it’s also apparently a Survivor Series-style four-on-four eliminator…Juvi and Disco eliminate Cpl. Cajun with a spike super powerbomb…Juvi gets a bit of space from Major Pvt. Stash with help from his team members, but Stash crotches him…Disco I guess mistimes a kendo stick spot?...Stash hits Juvi with a full nelson slam, but pulls off of him at one and just sort of lays there awkwardly waiting for someone to attack him, which they apparently were supposed to do to stop the ref's count…Disco finally gets in there, and so does Rey, who hits a chair assisted diving double-legdrop to Stash’s back for three…Soon after, Lt. Loco drills Disco with a tornado DDT for three…So it’s M.I.A. 2, Filthy Animals 3, though the desk insists that it’s all even now…Did Konnan get eliminated at some point, and I missed it? Loco and Rection toss Rey outside the ring…Loco reverses a Juvi Driver, plants Juvi, and allows Rection to hit a No Laughing Matter for three…Or maybe not since Shawn Stasiak runs out here and clobbers Morrus right before the three…What is happening?...Where did Konnan go?...And now G.I. Bro runs to the ring and makes the save…What a mess…We cut suddenly to the back to see eliminated wrestlers brawling with one another…Then we cut back to the ring, where Bro and Rection celebrate with Chavo…I guess they’re the winners even though the eliminations totally stopped after Disco went out…This elimination match that simply petered out because WHO CARES ABOUT WHO WINS, BRO, IT’S ABOUT RUN-INS AND ACTION AND CRAZY SHIT LIKE THAT would be on the Absolute Dirt Worst list on its own, but this show is headed straight for that list in its entirety, so no need to pick it out specifically… Bischoff tries to broker peace between Horace Hogan, Billy Kidman, and Torrie Wilson…He’s dumb enough to then have them tag up together… Kimberly thinks that people should only eat the stems and never the florets when they enjoy broccoli…That’s actually a pretty good subtle heel comment considering how yummy and sweet the florets are, particularly if you are eating an already sweeter and more delicate version of the vegetable like broccolini…Deep foodie heel comment on Kimberly’s part…She’s pretty clever sometimes…Anyway, she motormouths and motormouths until Liz gets sick of it…When Kim asks Liz if she knows shiatsu and demands that Liz give her a massage, Liz takes the permission to touch Kim’s shoulders as a chance to grip them, yank her to the floor, and leave…Kim screams for SECURITY… Vince Russo cuts a deal with Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott in the back…Shane Douglas walks around backstage looking for Terry Funk…Douglas accosts WCW staff, but is unlucky in his quest… Chuck Palumbo has been debuted in a no-win spot…He’s the ice-cold rookie feuding with The Total Package and getting his ass kicked at every turn…Palumbo’s not some kind of future star for whom this booking is a disservice, but it’s a shame that he just didn’t debut as part of the Natural Born Thrillers straight away…He’s going to wrestle THE WALL, BROTHER…Is this a Tables Match?...I don’t know, whatever, let’s find out together…By the way, two matches have been added to GAB: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbott in the Asylum…Hey, did they ever run that matchup in the early TNA days because that would be kinda funny?...Oh, and also Shane Douglas vs. THE WALL, BROTHER in a Tables Match…Note again that Tank is suddenly vewy vewy quiet about wanting to fight Goldberg…They just ended that whole thing completely so they could pull off a shock Goldberg heel turn...Ruschoff is the single-worst creative entity in the history of pro wrestling... Back to the match…It’s short, which is my absolute favorite thing about it…It is indeed a Tables Match, by the way…TW,B dominates…He tries to toss Palumbo through the table, but Palumbo hops off his shoulders…Palumbo runs at TW,B and gets goozled, but Palumbo again escapes…He knocks TW,B out to the apron, then slams the guy with the flexor and knocks him off the apron and through the table…TW,B does the Undertaker sit-up deal, but without any of the Undertaker’s aura… This show has zero dangerous heels…They had one, but then they turned him face (Scotty Steiner)…What if this show built, like, at least one dangerous heel?...Or I guess they could turn Goldberg, but that would be the stupidest way possible to get that dangerous heel they need… Kimberly tells Bisch that Liz is gone…An irritable Bischoff sends her to find the escaped Elizabeth… Recap: Horace, Kidman, and Torrie are in a very unentertaining love triangle…Also, F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea shows up from time to time to beat the shit out of the dudes and give the lady an orgasm just by kissing her… Billy Kidman and Horace Hogan (w/Torrie Wilson and Eric Bischoff) walk to the ring…Bischoff does his disingenuous decent guy act…So, pretty much what he does on 83 Weeks or the NOTICE ME, TONY off-shoot that he’s also doing now…Bisch is super-stoked about finishing Bollea off at GAB…Yammering, yammering, and more yammering…Horace talks next…No, thank you…He calls Terrible Terry a shitty human being, and Bisch cuts Horace off so he can go back to yammering, yammering, and more yammering…He finally issues an open challenge on behalf of Horace and Kidman to anyone in the back…KroniK answers the call… Oh, wonderful, Bischoff is on commentary while Kidman gets his ass beat…After a couple of minutes, Kidman manages to flip out of a back suplex and hit a rebound bulldog, but Horace waves off his tag attempt…Kidman mostly gets destroyed…He tries his best, and even gets free on another tag attempt after a counter-rana, but Horace won’t play ball…Bisch gets in Horace’s grill, and Horace piefaces him…Bisch threatens Horace with a chair, but Horace takes it away…Meanwhile, KroniK lands a High Times on Kidman…Horace lines up a chair shot on Kidman, but hits Clarke in the head and then DDTs Adams on the dropped chair…Kidman covers Clarke for three…No one at the desk knows whether or not this is a title match…Horace and Kidman just leave the belts on the ramp while arguing their way back up the ramp, so I guess it wasn’t… Douglas is angry at Norm and Ralphus, who took a payoff from Funk to set up the double cross…Douglas decks Norm and then marches Ralphus off to help him “save a little face”… After the break, we see Douglas bully Ralphus out to the ring…This pairing of Ralphus with Norman Smiley is a pale shadow of the Jericho/Ralphus pairing…I think it was twiztor who made that comment quite a few pages ago…Whoever it was, I solidly agree…Douglas attacks Ralphus, but THE WALL, BROTHER stalks down the ramp to make the save…They brawl outside the ring…Douglas gets some control and tries to dive from the apron onto TW,B…TW,B goozles him and sends him through the broadcast table… Gene Okerlund has questions for Booker T. G.I. Bro…What are they doing to this man?!...He drops a NOW CAN YOU COPY THAT…Once again, they had a chance to put Booker over Bret Hart for the U.S. Championship at the end of 1998/start of 1999, didn’t do it, and then booked him increasingly into the ground even though he was very over as a babyface…What the fuck, WCW?!... OK, I get a mild kick out of a split screen showing what Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner are doing to prepare for their world title match later tonight…Steiner does pushups while Shakira sits on his back…Nash, on the other hand, sips coffee and reads his USA Today…Seems about right… Kimberly gets one R&B Security member to go look for Liz; then, she sends another to get her a better quality of lotion than what she bought from those outdoor vendors Norm and Ralph, dammit!... Shawn Stasiak is here, but I haven’t noticed Curt Hennig backing him up for a couple of weeks…Whatever happened to that whole deal?...Not that I care about Curt Hennig in 2000, but still…His opponent: G.I. Bro…Stasiak jumps him as he steps through the ropes…Stasiak hits a nice back elbow, but he stinks…He’s an athlete, not a pro wrestler…As Bro makes a comeback, I wonder if he’s going to wear that flak jacket like prime Roman Reigns…But no, he takes it off…They fight back and forth, including around the replacement broadcast table in a brief obligabrawl… Six weeks of this stupid-assed G.I. Bro stuff, huh?...Well, I got through what felt like six months of Booker vs. Stevie redux, so I’ll be okay…Stasiak scores a series of two counts…This is the most dangerous that a New Blood heel has felt in a long time…Stasiak gets frustrated, grabs a chair, and whiffs…Booker hits a couple of Houston Side Kicks for two…They fight over a suplex, but Booker is able to hook Stasiak for a Book End that gets three…That was watchable, which is high praise for this fucking show…Stasiak attacks him with the chair after the match…Where the hell are the M.I.A.?... Outro: Snippet of a sitdown interview that Sting cuts with Mike Tenay… When we come back from the break, we get the full interview…Sting is disgusted at Tenay’s dumb questions about mind games…Sting: “Vampiro doesn’t mean anything to me”…Way to get him over, Stinger!...Sting acts very irritated while claiming that he is not irritated by Tenay’s questions about Sting possibly being irritated…Sting thinks that Torch Matches, as he calls them, are dumb ideas…Yeah…Sting basically says that he’s the ultimate good guy, so the only reason he’d accept a match like that is because he feels obligated to considering his identity as a wrestler…It’s reminiscent of him agreeing to help Ric Flair in 1995 even though he knew Flair would turn on him because the kids in the crowd wanted him to…Anyway, the lights go out, and when they come back on, the set is on fire and Sting is screaming for VAMPIROOOOOOO…That was all very dumb… Kimberly complains to Gene Okerlund about how unfulfilling her night has been…She runs down Liz, who attacks her from behind and puts her in a headlock… DDP is the next person down the ramp and to the ring…Dallas does some uninspiring mic work about how shitty a friend and person Eric Bischoff is…He embarrasses himself by running off a long series of insults toward Bisch that he then unfortunately repeats…It still sucks, dude…YER HAMBURGER-EATIN’, CHEEZ WHIZ-SUCKIN’, SLIMY RAT BASTARD ASSSSSS…When he says that Bisch turned his former wife against him, the best part of the promo occurs, which is some guy from the crowd clearly vocalizing a Nelson Muntz-style HAW HAW…Dallas moves on to threatening Awesome while Liz drags Kimberly to the ring…She dumps Kim across Dallas’s lap, and he spanks her on her bottom while in the background two things happen: One, Palumbo grabs Liz and carries her off, and two, the TurnerTron shows Awesome standing in Kanyon’s hospital room while Kanyon sleeps and implying that he's going to attack the sleeping, neck-braced friend of Dallas…Yuck… DDP calls the hospital in a panic…Then, it’s back to ringside as Jeff Jarrett (w/Vince Russo) defends the WCW World Heavyweight Championship against Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner in a Triple Threat Match…Dammit, Russo joins the desk…Wait, he gets a house mic when Scott Steiner gets to the ring and relieves referee Billy Silverman of his duties…He plans to referee this match instead…OK, sure, whatever, let’s move this along…Nash goes after Russo and chases him through the crowd while Jarrett jumps Steiner… Russo comes back down the ramp with R&B Security while Nash, who lost Russo somewhere in the concourse, rejoins from the crowd…Scotty goes after Russo and wrenches away the baseball bat Russo is holding…Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner wander out and abscond with Midajah and Shakira…Steiner rushes after them, and Russo tries to attack Nash with the bat in the ring…Nash cuts him off, but Jarrett hits him in the back with the bat… Jarrett lands stomps and punches…Note that Silverman is still the ref, so I suppose that Russo didn’t actually relieve him of his duties…Nash comes out of the corner with a clothesline, but Jarrett moves Silverman into the way…Jarrett tries to land a belt shot, but he misses…Nash gets the belt, decks him with it, and revives the ref…Nash covers, but Russo pulls the ref out of the ring…Silverman and Russo argue, and Russo settles the argument with a KABONGing…Nash is distracted by this and doesn’t see Jarrett, who waffles Nash with a chair…Russo puts on the Silverman’s shirt and counts a 2.8 for Jarrett…Mickey Jay comes out to relieve Silverman…R&B Security tries to block his way, but Scott Steiner comes back out, clears them out, and allows Jay to reach the ring to count the three on a Nash Jackknife to Jarrett… WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 14 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid > VACANT > Jarrett > DDP > Arquette > Jarrett > Ric Flair > Jarrett > Nash) Bless the WCW diehards for sticking with this show somehow…I’d considered myself something of a WCW diehard, but absolutely no, I am not…If not for this project, I would have stopped watching this garbage somewhere in 1999 (again)…OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MY LOVE FOR WCW THAT IS BEING VICIOUSLY ATTACKED, BUT WILL SURVIVE BECAUSE NO ONE CAN TRULY KILL IT… 2
twiztor Posted November 4, 2024 Posted November 4, 2024 18 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and eleven – 24 May 2000 Russo has been a net-negative as a part of this angle… This elimination match that simply petered out because WHO CARES ABOUT WHO WINS, BRO, IT’S ABOUT RUN-INS AND ACTION AND CRAZY SHIT LIKE THAT would be on the Absolute Dirt Worst list on its own, but this show is headed straight for that list in its entirety, so no need to pick it out specifically… By the way, two matches have been added to GAB: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbott in the Asylum…Hey, did they ever run that matchup in the early TNA days because that would be kinda funny? had to quote the first two points because, yeah, this sums up my feelings about this period of WCW perfectly. for the third, no. i don't think Tank ever made an appearance for TNA, but he certainly never wrestled there. Scotty didn't show up in TNA until 2006, when they had already moved down to the Orlando "Impact Zone". So i appreciate your attempt at synchronicity, but the fates just didn't align this time. To make it worse, i read this in my head as "Scott Steiner vs. THE WALL, BROTHER in the Asylum", but THE WALL MALICE Jerry Tuite passed away in 2003, so that one also didn't happen. 2
SirSmUgly Posted November 7, 2024 Author Posted November 7, 2024 (edited) Show #242 – 29 May 2000 "The one that seemingly continues the trend of rapid title changes that happen for little or no payoff" Oh no, it’s Nitro! I’m headed out for the long weekend, so it’s going to take me even longer to get through the Great American Bash than I thought. Will this PPV ever come and then go? Please?! Recap: Oh yeah, Nash is the champ now. I didn’t realize until I listened to Between the Sheets that Ric's collapse was a shoot and his inner ear problems had fired up again. They didn’t have to take the belt off him, though! Ric Flair storms out of a car as Beth tries to stop him and that little reprobate Reid (uh, R.I.P.) gets in her face, points a finger at her, and admonishes DAD KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING. You little turd, who the hell do you think you are? Uh, and R.I.P. Anyway, R&B Security swarms the vehicle and Flair-naps them. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash walks to the ring holding the big gold belt. He’s quickly followed by Scott Steiner (w/Shakira and Midajah). Nash takes hold of the mic and runs down the “big” Great American Bash feuds before addressing Ruschoff and pretty much saying that they’re bumbling morons who couldn’t even keep Scotty Steiner in their camp. Honestly, yeah, from a kayfabe standpoint, Ruschoff fumbled Scotty and Booker. Whoopsie! Nash shouts out Scott Hall and says that he talked to Hall, who would like to beat up Ruschoff, too. He says Hall has staying power like the rest of the legends because they’ve got that special sauce. Well, Hall’s going to be fired in November and hasn’t appeared on WCW television since February, but, you know, every other legend has staying power. Nash introduces Ric Flair, who walks to the ring. Oh, hey, Ric and Scotty Steiner are in the same ring and pretending not to loathe one another! Neat! Flair grabs the mic, says he’s back on his feet literally and figuratively, and then threatens his erstwhile son Dopey Dave; he promises to finish Dave’s career at GAB and Russo’s entire life tonight. Nash tells Ric that he’s got a “little present” for him and then – AHAHAHAHA – he hands the title over to Ric. So then why take it off him in the first fucking place? WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 15 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid > VACANT > Jarrett > DDP > Arquette > Jarrett > Ric Flair > Jarrett > Nash > Flair) So wait, you’re telling me that the sixteenth of the SIXTEEN TIMES, WOO that Flair won the title (not counting the times he traded the title back and forth with Jack Veneno in Puerto Rico) , he was simply awarded it by Kevin Nash? Oh, come on! WWE might as well have had John Cena break this record just on the face of that last Flair title “win.” I love talking! Talk some more, everyone! Fuck having a pro wrestling match in the ring, just gab instead! Here’s Jeff Jarrett to compare the ongoing lovefest in the ring to THE VIEW, and I’m like HOLY SHIT, The View has been around for a quarter-century now? Jarrett says that Russo will fire everyone in the ring if they fuck with him. Scotty Steiner agrees with Jarrett that there’s been too much talking. He prefers hitting people to resolve disagreements, including “when [his] freaks get outta line.” And yes, he is the babyface in this situation somehow! Jarrett promises to get the belt back and calls Ric a “Jurassic slapass” because he is terrible on the mic in this era. Ric’s good with all that title defense nonsense, so here comes Vince Russo around the fifteen minute mark in the show to keep this entirely-too-long talking segment going. Russo claims that Flair will wish he had a BRAIN ANNERISM after tonight, then calls David Flair out, who is surrounded by R&B Security and is also holding Beth and Reid hostage. Ric hustles down the aisle and mows through security while Nash and Steiner follow behind him and beat up the mooks. Steiner looks like he’s having a lot of fun just tossing said mooks around the stage. Vampiro drives a tanker truck into the parking lot of the arena. No more Vampiro for a while, please! After a break, Russo yells at Beth that she’ll SEE THINGS MY WAY, MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY, pretty much, and Ric looks for them in a totally different part of the building. Just walk toward the whiny voice of the idiot New Yorker who sounds like he’s backup on the track of a Limp Bizkit song, dude! So, Ric has somehow communicated that he’ll give Jarrett the title shot to keep his family safe according to the desk, though I have no clue at what point he would have made that clear, logically. I mean, he’s been looking around for Beth and Reid through the break, right? The Filthy Animals running with Disco Inferno is a hell of a thing, you know? The point is that he’s the dorky white guy who doesn't fit in, but it’s so absurd, man. Disco challenges Lt. Loco to a Lumberjack Match with the rest of the Animals and M.I.A. as lumberjacks. By the way, this M.I.A. dub is fucking ABSURD. What the fuck? Hold on. This is supposed to be a dub over “War (What Is It Good For?),” which some of you may know was originally the title of Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Anyway, I always say this when a new impossibly bad dub pops up on these Network versions of the shows, but this is the worst dub I’ve heard all watch. I mean, the original theme isn’t that good, but I’ll have to queue that shit up on YouTube because this dub is awful. Loco races out here and is a house on total fire, beams metaphorically crackling with flame, as he destroys Disco and finishes with a flourish, hitting a diving top rope crossbody to the floor. Disco takes control when the match comes back in the ring, hitting a Stun Gun and a Cobra Clutch Slam before tossing Loco out for some damage. However, he takes too long to line up a second-rope elbow and whiffs, then eventually gets dropkicked onto the raised ramp, where everyone fights out there except for Rey, who gets in the ring. Rey, who bums me out at this point, jumps Loco and prepares a Bronco Buster, but Major Gunns seduces him, and as he signals that he would like to shove her head down over his erect penis as she sucks it real good, she tears off her shirt, then of course punts him in the balls as he spreads his legs wide. How did that get on television in the 8PM hour on a Turner network? So, Disco gets dumped back into the ring and hit with a Loco Tornado DDT for three. Hey, do you happen to remember Nitro Girl Tygress? She still works here, and apparently she’s banging Rey Rey because she runs out here and attacks Rey for trying to get some strange head while they’re dating one another Gunns for kicking her boyfriend in the dick and making him unable to perform tonight. So that happens. Pamela Paulshock has questions about Vampiro and his gasoline truck, and he is confused by her confusion about the smell of gasoline in the air. This mini-interview is so bad that I think WCW is ribbing me right now. KroniK beat the hell out of Horace right through the middle of this interview, but they are soon jumped by Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak, together for the first time as an apparent tag team. Hype video: Do you want to pay to watch F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea or Hulk Hogan or whatever the hell persona he'll be showing up as destroy Billy Kidman for the fifteenth time? No? I can’t imagine why not! Ms. Hancock is going to talk now. She’s basically like, Yo, don’t let this exceptionally short skirt and the hair bun fool you; I am here to dance around for your pleasure, fellas! Then she dances around for our pleasure, fellas. However, she’s quickly cut off by Chris Candido, who is here to oh wait, hold on, David Flair rushes off from the place where he and Russo are holding their hostages, and Russo gets mad at Reid saying the word DAMN, and okay, we’re back in the ring where Candido attacks Hancock for the botched Sytch attack last week, I guess, but now David runs to the ring and I guess he’s cheating on Daffney with Ms. Hancock, and Ric runs out to attack Dave, but R&B Security hit the ring and allow Dopey Dave to escape. So yeah. That all happened. Kimberly Page walks into the arena while a bunch of people take pictures of her and R&B Security escorts her down a red carpet. We are thirty minutes in, but it feels like hours. What the hell, man. Video package: Kim is ransacking the Page home, tossing out Dallas’s stuff and carefully boxing up her stuff. Well, no, that’s not accurate. She is gabbing on the phone to Bischoff while directing some poor young woman on all the tossing and boxing. Donny Osmond and Karl Malone are in the crowd as I realize for the first time that we’re in Salt Lake City. G.I. Bro walks out to no pop. Is it because we’re in Utah, or is it because G.I. Bro is a stupid-ass idea in 2000? Bro tries to justify why he’s randomly dressing up in fatigues, but he fails at doing so, and then he challenges Stasiak to a Boot Camp Match at GAB. He continues by narrating a replay of that nasty Awesome Bomb that Mike Awesome hit him with a couple weeks back where his neck snapped the ropes, actually, yuck. He demands Mike Awesome’s presence, along with that ambulance that Awesome is always driving. Awesome immediately backs the sucker into the ringside area, almost like he expected Bro to call him out here, and he carefully parks the ambulance right next to a guardrail. OK, so Awesome has the back brace with him as a weapon, and Bro meets him on the ramp. Bro wins the initial fight, but he gets backdropped into the ring, and though he lands on his feet, Awesome catches him with a slingshot shoulderblock. Awesome lands a powerbomb, then goes up top and jumps into a counter-dropkick. They run the ropes and Bro gets clipped on a leapfrog. Boy, this is a sloppy mess of a match. It’s also rushed, which I love because that means we can get back to everyone talking for hours instead. Bro hits an axe kick in the ring, then sends Awesome back onto the ramp, where the latter grabs the brace and spikes Bro with it. Awesome sets up for an Awesome Bomb on the ramp, but DDP clambers through the curtains, hits Awesome in the back with a chair, and then helps Bro chokeslam him off the stage and through a table in a pretty dangerous looking bump. They then toss Awesome in the ambulance and shut the doors. Palumbo and Stasiak are supposed to be watching Liz, but KroniK politely knock on the door and then attack when Palumbo opens it. Bischoff, Kidman, et al. walk through the halls. F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea pulls up to the show and walks toward the entrance; he looks back to see the Goldberg monster truck, and then Goldberg himself pulling up to the arena next to the truck. Goldberg himself is on the cover of Sports Illustrated for Kids, just like the enduring babyface hero that he is and always will be. Bischoff and his cadre of midcarders and hangers-on come to the ring. The Cat is doing this thing where he also has a mic as Bischoff talks and he repeats everything that Bischoff says in a super-annoying way that gives me a chuckle. Aw, Ernie just wants to do some commissioner stuff! Anyway, Bischoff cuts a subpar promo against Bollea. He finally gets around to making Horace the special referee for Bollea's GAB bout against Kidman. Bollea walks onto the ramp to respond. He and Bisch natter at one another before Bollea charges the ring, and we cut to Goldberg now deciding to walk into the building as we go to break. During the break – you won’t believe this – Bollea cleared the ring with ease. Kevin Nash saunters back out, but he’s attacked almost immediately by Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner. This is a handicap match, I guess? Rick falls off the ramp, and it’s funny to me, but he comes back with a wrench shot to the bridge of Nash’s neck. They drag Nash into the ring and stomp him out while the crowd shares its hopes that Goldberg might be out here soon. He is eventually. Somehow, Rick doesn’t even hear Goldberg’s music, so while Tank escapes, Rick eats a spear and a Jackhammer. Goldberg and Nash still conceivably have beef over Starrcade ’98, but Goldberg helps the guy up anyway. Then, the man speaks. What he says is that Tank Abbott ain’t shit, pretty much. He challenges Tank to a match at next week’s Nitro in Atlanta. Well, at least they’ll actually finish up that feud. Goldberg leaves the arena, totally blowing off Pamela Paulshock on his way. He gets in his car while shirtless, starts it, and peels away. We’re getting a TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES notice, but I’m not sure we missed all that much there. We just awkwardly cut back to the desk pimping WCW Reload. Terry Funk hits the ring and lets us know that Bischoff has a surprise opponent for him tonight, but he’s instead going to surprise Bischoff with a beating in the backstage area. Before he can make it there, though, Vampiro comes out to fight him and gets beaten up and piledriven. The ref is very late to the count, so it only gets one. It’s a definite visual three, though. Vamp hits Funk and then the red-haired ref with Nails in the Coffins. HIT MY PYRO, he screams, as he drags Funk toward the pyro, but stops a safe distance away so that Funk is not actually burned. Vamp stomps Funk off the stage and beats him up backstage. Funk fights back, and you know how this works, so I’ll just tell you that they fight outside, basically killing chair shots and table breaks and trash can shots along the way. I mean, they’re already dead, but still. They fight around the production truck and then to the tanker, where Vamp sprays gas all over Funk. Sting makes the save before going to check on the Funker while security keeps Vampiro from lighting the spill with a blowtorch. Russo and Dave yell at Reid; Shane Douglas walks in and Russo tells him that he has to fight Scotty Steiner in THE ASYLUM. Douglas is pissed at first until Russo tells him that it’s for the United States Championship, which I frankly forgot Scotty was holding. Angle-based video: DDP shows up to his home and sees his shit strewn around the property. He also finds that Kimberly has changed the locks. That dirty bitch is taking the stuff that Dallas worked so hard for! Women are the worst, right fellas? Kim has a couple of cops with her who explain to Dallas that he’s got to get to steppin’ as Kim has gotten a restraining order on him. I don’t think that’s how this works, but who am I to question the legal system? I do get a kick out of one of the cops closing the door on Dallas while gushing, “My kids love you. [They] love you!” That was actually pretty danged funny. Back in Salt Lake, Kimberly is also pretty funny when she tells a whiny Mike Awesome, “You’re sweating on me! Step off!” YEAH GEORGE MIKE, STEP OFF, BRO! Palumbo walks up and tells Kim that Liz ran off, which doesn’t concern her until he gets her to join in the search by telling her that it’s sure to get her some more camera time. Kimberly comes to the ring with Awesome and Stasiak and demands Elizabeth’s presence. She also uses the phrase “on my last nerve.” Huh. I feel like we had a conversation about this phrase and its use a pile of reviews ago. Anyway, Liz answers the call. She answers it by saying, What the fuck do you want, man? Pretty much, that’s what she says. Kim orders Awesome and Palumbo to grab Liz and then lectures her on last week’s bat attack. Her lecture is interrupted by DDP’s theme. Kimberly takes off, but Awesome and Palumbo stick around to get their asses beat. Hey, I just noticed that we haven’t seen The Total Package lately. I assume the guy is injured. Again. Eric Bischoff (w/more cops) walks onto the set and sends some cops to arrest Dallas for violating the restraining order. Palumbo waits for the cops to cuff Dallas, then attacks them and Dallas with the flexor. Speaking of TTP, he rushes the ring with a face mask on, so I guess he was selling that flexor attack to the face, actually. I forgot it happened until now, but in my defense, a lot of stuff seems to happen on these shows. TTP walks out with Liz, but Awesome is still in the ring, and he stomps a cuffed Dallas out until Dallas’s old tag partner Karl Malone jumps in the ring and hits Awesome with a Diamond Cutter to what is the biggest pop of the night. I mean, even bigger than the one for Goldberg. OK, that was a pretty fun spot. Hype video: Sting versus Vampiro. I remain anti-hyped. Pamela Paulshock is able to get a furious Ric Flair to confirm that he’s giving Jeff Jarrett a world title shot later tonight. Scott Steiner (w/Shakira and Midajah) re-enters the ring for his U.S. Championship defense against Shane Douglas IN THE ASYLUM. Before the match, Steiner talks about fuckin’. HOLLER IF YA HEAR ME is still over as a chant-along catchphrase, by the way. He threatens ass kickings for both Russo and Douglas. Shane Douglas gets into the ring, and Scotty rolls Shane as THE ASYLUM lowers; Shane only gets some control by baiting Scott into a back kick to the nads. He even loads his fist to keep control, but eventually, he leaps into Scott’s arms and gets bashed into the cage, hit with a backbreaker, and belly-to-belly suplexed. Scotty then locks on a Steiner Recliner for the relatively easy victory. Hulk Hogan (not F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea) watches a monitor and views Sting, who is WALKING backstage. Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson are also WALKING, this time down the ramp. You see, Sting needs to be heated up for his match against Vampiro at GAB, so he can really get built up by taking out a powerhouse like Kidman tonight. There is a dope spot where Sting vaults up the ramp and dives over the top rope, clearing it easily as he lands a flying lariat on Kidman. Kidman manages a DDT, but misses a top-rope splash and eats a Stinger Splash. Sting locks Kidman in a Scorpion Death Lock, but Torrie distracts the ref and Vampiro runs down, clocks Sting with the blowtorch, and leaves Sting laying to be pinned by Kidman. Well, this is another dominating, high-profile victory by Kidman that I’m not sure he needed, but at least he bumps and feeds for a charging Hulk Hogan (not F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea), as does Vampiro. Bisch enters the ring and hits Hogan with a weak chair shot, but the Cat waits silently to the side. When Hogan grabs the chair and holds it up to bash Bisch, Miller kicks the chair into Hulk's face. Horace is down here as well, and he and the heels rip off Hogan’s shirt, dump it in a trash can, and set it on fire. Vamp tries to put Sting’s head into the blazing trash can, but KroniK rushes out and makes the save. Ric Flair is finally in his proper trunks and boots as he attacks Jeff Jarrett in the Nitro main event. R&B Security drags Beth and Reid onto the ramp; Flair spots Russo standing with them and is distracted, allowing Jarrett to jump him. Charles Robinson is the ref. Jarrett beats Flair down at ringside and then back in the ring, but Flair fires up as his wife and kid cheer for him. Also, Dopey Dave is the ref now. Dave tries to hit Ric with a Statue of Liberty tchotchke, but he whiffs. Ric beans Dave with the statue instead, but is knocked to ringside by Jarrett. Flair blades and Russo whacks him with a bat. Back in the ring, Jarrett locks on a Figure Four. Flair almost gets pinned for three, but times a nice 2.9. Charles Robinson is the ref again, by the way. Flair tries to make his way to his feet and even punches a barking Russo in the face as he reaches the ropes. Jarrett shoots Flair in and gets suckered into another small package, which is a nice callback, actually. It only gets two this time, but Flair then kills a series of Jarrett punches with a ball shot and wins a punch-up. He even hits a top-rope double axe! Wow, it’s like seeing Halley’s Comet. Flair knocks Russo off the apron and then preps Jarrett for a Figure Four, but Jarrett kicks away and knocks Ric into Charles Robinson. Flair fights off some R&B Security mooks, and goes back to beating up Jarrett. Also, Vince Russo is the ref now. Flair catches him coming in the ring and tries to put a Figure Four on him, but Dave hands Jarrett the guitar, and Jarrett KABONGs Ric for three and the title. Ah, the old “two title changes on one Nitro” canard! It's almost needless to say that it wasn’t as good tonight as it was in 1999 (Show #187). WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 16 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid > VACANT > Jarrett > DDP > Arquette > Jarrett > Ric Flair > Jarrett > Nash > Flair > Jarrett) Can you believe that Jarrett is now a four-time WCW Champion? And he didn’t win the thing until like April of 2000! And it’s not even June of 2000! The crowd tosses trash in the ring; Dave threatens Reid’s health while Flair tries to stumble to his feet as the show ends. This was another very bad show, but it made me chuckle a couple times during some of the DDP/Kimberly stuff, and the Karl Malone spot was neat, so I’m going to be generous. Or as generous as one can be about this show. -75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. Edited March 2 by SirSmUgly 2
zendragon Posted November 7, 2024 Posted November 7, 2024 I once saw Donny and Marie in concert they where certainly more fun than this nitro I'd bet... also a joke about getting hit in the groin. guy gets hit in the crotch by a line drive at his bachelor party softball game and the doctor had to wrap his will with gauze and a tongue depressor on each side. on his wedding night his wife says "these breasts are untouched by any man I've been saving them just for you" He drops trou and says "you think thats something this is still in the package!" 2
SirSmUgly Posted November 8, 2024 Author Posted November 8, 2024 4 hours ago, zendragon said: I once saw Donny and Marie in concert they where certainly more fun than this nitro I'd bet... Ah, Donny and Marie: When the Jackson 5 are just too edgy for you!
SirSmUgly Posted November 8, 2024 Author Posted November 8, 2024 (edited) Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and twelve – 31 May 2000 "The WCW Gang completes the single dumbest spot I've ever seen in a pro wrestling match, and that's in the first fifteen minutes of the show" How is it still May of 2000?!...Is this a time warp?... OK, let’s Thunder our way the hell out of this month in WCW television…Quickly, too… Recap: Back on Nitro, we saw the return of *Big E voice* GOOOOOOOOOOLDBEEEEEERG and also the crowning of another new world champ…Two new world champs, actually… We’re back in Boise, where WCW probably should have tried to run more often…Chris Candido is dressed like Terry Funk because some beefs are everlasting, I suppose…Notice that you haven’t seen Tammy Sytch lately?...Yeah, she probably needs to stay off screen what with that very obvious pill problem…Candido complains about leaving the WWF because he didn’t dig their style, but not having enough to do since he got here…He’s pleased that he finally has something to do tonight: Defeat Terry Funk and take the WCW Hardcore Championship away from him… Candido meets Funk on the ramp, where he is pelted with that very championship belt himself and a couple of chair shots besides…We get a BOOOOOOOOOOO because Funk and Candido immediately fight to the back and we cut to the desk…WCW’s production has always been bad, but in the Ruschoff Era, they’ve missed an extraordinary amount of shots and have consistently awful viewing angles on big action…We cut to the back as Funk beats up Candido, puts him in the back of a truck, and drives off while the red-haired ref chases after them… I see these idiots are trying to kill off Boise while they’re at it…What a shitty way to start this show…We cut back to the desk, then back out to the truck, which pulls up to some horse stalls…They fight in the stable, unnerving some horses…Why the fuck is there a table out here?...This show manages to get dumber and dumber and even fucking dumber every week somehow…Someone make WCW's hardcore division at least halfway decent by bringing Bill Watts back to challenge Funk and have Watts say that he was the Taped Fist Champion back in 1971, and taped fists and lots of all-American punchin’ are the only type of hardcore he recognizes… HOLY FUCK…THIS MIGHT BE THE GODDAM DUMBEST FUCKING PRO WRESTLING SPOT I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE…For some unimaginable fucking reason, Funk and Candido fight a) into a stall and b) right up behind a horse…Why would you get around the hindquarters of a horse that doesn’t know who the hell you are and then cause a commotion?...Candido almost gets legitimately destroyed not by a Funk piledriver, but by the scared horse scrambling away, trying to kick whatever dipshit moron dumbfuck thought it would be a good idea to run a piledriver spot right behind him in his stupid-ass head…This was so incredibly, thoughtlessly dumb that I have no more words for this match…Here’s the fucking finish…Candido gets lassoed through the table, Funk clonks the red-haired ref (who has caught up to the action) with a trash can, and then realizing that he needs a three count, the Funker revives him with a bucket of water to get him to count three… MINUS FIVE STARS… Vince Russo’s stupid ass yammers on the phone to someone, but he hangs up when the Cat walks in…Russo is being suspiciously nice to the Cat…Russo says that Bischoff isn’t in town (yay!) and that he’s busy with the Flairs, so Bischoff said that the Cat should be in charge for the night…That is genuinely fantastic news… Ric, Reid, and Beth Flair arrive at the arena in a limo… A driver pulls up and lets Kimberly out so that she can walk the red carpet… Recap: Flair vs. Jarrett on Nitro… The Flairs join us live in the ring…Ric is upbeat even though he’s won and lost the world title for the final time in his career…He’s madder about being shown up in front of his family than he is about having lost the big gold…Ric reiterates his plans to finish off his once beloved son at GAB…He dances a little bit, too…Ric laments not beating his son when he was younger and smaller to prevent all this…He then challenges Vince Russo to a match tonight so that he can save face in front of his fam… Vince Russo (w/David Flair, R&B Security) walks onto the ramp to respond…They stop in the middle of the ramp to Ric’s chagrin…Russo and Dopey Dave send security in ahead of them to form a wall…I see Elix Skipper in that pack of mooks…Get him on TV, and also Lance Storm…Hurry it up…Russo professes embarrassment at being stuck in Boise and insults Ric’s brood, which causes Ric to yell KISS MY ASS…Spraying Chloraseptic around, Russo says that he has a cold and is therefore unavailable…Ric calls him a chicken shit and then lets Dopey Dave know that he’s in for a repeated series of slaps in about ten or twelve days… Russo says that he’s here to talk to Beth rather than Ric…Russo’s wearing a shirt with John Lennon on it – didn’t recognize him initially – so that he can give a tortured promo centered around the concept of imagining Flair’s retirement from the business after Dave beats him…Russo is saying she’s a gold digger…And she is not dating any broke wrestlers…Ric tries to fight through the crowd again…Russo says that Flair has a non-functional dick… WHY IS THIS SEGMENT SO FUCKING LONG…Ric’s talking again…Fuck off, I just want a wrestling match…And not one that wanders into a horse stall…Ric says that Russo’s penis is very tiny and once again demands a wrestling match…I also demand a wrestling match, dammit!...You can’t say “balls” on TBS, but you can say “jackoffs,” just for your info…Russo counters with a Dopey Dave and Russo vs. Ric and Reid match…Ric checks with Reid, who is into the idea, and Ric runs at Russo again…The mooks grab Ric…Russo and then Dave lay it in on Ric…Dave drags Reid over to his fallen pops…Awful segment… The Cat is accosted by Mike Awesome and Kimberly both…Kimberly requests camera time and personal security…The Cat stares at her boobs, so as someone with experience talking to Gene Okerlund, Kim redirects his eyes to her face…OK, this is funny…After the Cat assigns Awesome to be her security detail, she asks him how good he is at foot massage…Awesome responds with a “pretty good,” and the Cat slickly drops in a “me too” just to gauge his own chances…Kimberly ignores it, but she doesn’t ignore that Awesome starts to leave the room first…She makes him stop at the door and let her exit first…Kim and the Cat are pretty entertaining characters… After a break, the Cat comes back to the office, where Kidman and Torrie are waiting for him…Kidman says he’s been waiting for an hour…It only feels like an hour on this fucking show…The jealous Kidman tries to dictate Torrie’s outfits, bickers at Cat, and then gets a match between himself, Sting, and Horace booked...Torrie is upset that Kidman calls Horace “fathead”…I don’t care about any of these non-Cat people in this segment… Kimberly (w/Mike Awesome, who is w/table) enters the ring to talk…Awesome tells the crowd to shut it, then cuts a promo in which he laments all the ways in which DDP and his allies kicked the hell out of him on Nitro…He threatens DDP and promises to break him at GAB…Kim takes the mic next, demands applause, actually gets some, and then complains that it wasn’t loud enough for her tastes…She finds the denizens of Boise to be “gauche” and insults the price-conscious, yet stylish outfits that one might find at TJ Maxx (British English translation: TK Maxx) as well as those who might purchase and wear them… Kim thinks that the ladies in the crowd are jealous, tries to seduce the dudes in the crowd, and misquotes a famous Seinfeld quote in reference to her boobs…A plant runs in to get at her, and Awesome powerbombs him through the table…Kim decides that she’s had enough with her over-enthusiastic fans for one night and leaves the ring… Do you remember when this was a pro wrestling show?...If I think back real hard, I can remember when this was a pro wrestling show…They’re fading, the memories, but they linger… Ric Flair calmly imbues Reid with confidence back in the locker room… The Cat talks to Shane Douglas in the office…The Cat promises to reward Douglas for his hard work…Douglas, who was recalcitrant at first, perks up when the Cat offers him a world title shot at Jeff Jarrett…The Cat swears that Douglas deserves the title, and Douglas shows his appreciation by complimenting the Cat’s suit…It was pretty funny, actually… Billy Kidman and Horace Hogan (w/Torrie Wilson) are going to have a Triple Threat Match against one another and also Sting will be in the mix, too…Kidman and Horace fight over which one gets to hold the ropes open for Torrie, who gives up on them and walks away frustratedly…Sting does his great ramp run into a double-clothesline spot…They all mix it up outside the ring…Horace and Kidman work this like a handicap match early on…A Kidman legdrop gets one… Sting gets beaten up some more, but is able to hit Kidman with a face crusher…I have no idea where the hell Horace is, and he has to come out of nowhere to save Kidman from a Scorpion Deathlock…Horace tries to make a cover, but Kidman pulls him off…Torrie complains about Kidman’s selfishness on the apron…Kidman pulls Horace off another cover after a DVD, and Horace leaves the ring to get a table…Horace props the table up, but misfires on a lariat and nails Kidman instead of Sting…Sting makes a comeback, hits Stinger Splashes on both his opponents, and then tosses Kidman through the table as it leans vertically against the ring ropes… Sting tosses Horace, then walks down the ramp and hits a cross body to both men that snaps them back against the ropes…Sting drags Kidman back into the ring and casually locks on a Scorpion Deathlock that gets a quick submission…Well, Sting needs these big dominant wins so that he can get over one day and be a major part of the main event, you know…Horace and Kidman get in one another’s faces while Torrie tries to calm things down…She does a terrible job…Maybe Raven could keep these two idiots in line instead…Mike Awesome finally rushes into the ring and backs everybody off… A blip of a hype video: Goldberg hits Jackhammers… Gene Okerlund interviews Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner about both Goldberg and their upcoming tag match against Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner…Tank and Rick are the same dude, basically…There are two of these fucks running around this company…Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit… Russo talks strategy with Dopey Dave…Russo says that he’ll take Reid, which makes me chuckle…Jeff Jarrett busts in and complains to Russo that the Cat booked him against Shane Douglas…Russo says everything is covered and Jarrett doesn’t need to worry, but Jarrett thinks that Russo has lost his marbles… Scott Steiner, Shakira, and Midajah have arrived…Steiner looks like he can barely get out of his vehicle seat…Yikes… Ralphus and Norman complain about all the jobs they aren’t any good at doing as they walk down the street, but they spot a backyard wrestling show going on in the background…Norm sees it as their way back into WCW, somehow… The Cat wheels and deals in the back…Jeff Jarrett walks to the ring as Tenay tells the kids to get a diploma and then a spot at the Power Plant instead of jumping off a roof in suburbia…As Shane Douglas comes to the ring, we see a video package in which he loses both the tag and hardcore titles over the past few weeks…Shane wins a bunch of strikes early, but runs into a boot on a corner charge…Jarrett tries a double-axe and is turned back and dumped on the floor…A clapping Cat walks onto the ramp, clapping…Shane is distracted and gets jumped…Jarrett takes the Cat’s scarf from around his neck and chokes Douglas with it… Choke outside the ring…Choke inside the ring…Choke inside the ring…Ooh, a non-choke move from Jeff Jarrett…Then he tries to choke again, but the ref takes the scarf away…A Douglas floatover powerslam gets two…A backslide and a small package get two straight two-counts as well…Slick mixes it up with the Cat for whatever reason…Meanwhile, Douglas hits a Pittsburgh Plunge and covers, but Cat stops the count by sliding a chair into Slick Johnson on the count…The Cat gives Douglas the chair only to kick it into his head…Jarrett lands a Stroke for three…I guess Douglas is OUT of the New Blood… Outro: DDP’s sit-down interview with Mike Tenay is teased… Back from break, we get that Tenay interview…DDP is SHOOTIN’ since he mentions his then-legal name…I think he changed it to Dallas Page, right?...Tenay tries to ask DDP why Bisch is so heated at him…Page is actually really good here, saying that he returns all his calls, so if you lose contact with him, it’s on you…He speculates that Bischoff became upset that Page didn’t walk out in solidarity when Bisch was removed from his position in 1999… Page says that he didn’t see the Kimberly break-up coming…A lot of dudes, I’ve found, seem to just hunker down and ignore their simmering relationship problems…If it’s surface-level peaceful, they’re more likely to just accept that and not rock the boat...Or try to address the isue…This is why they’re surprised when the other person builds up enough anger to leave…Oh no, Dallas says DUH when Tenay asks if DDP still loves Kim…Oh well, he is allowed to sound like a dork for a second because this is probably the best talking he’s done in literal years… Page is irritated that people think he’s going to just cut and run from his problems…He also points out that he can’t be Positively Page forever and that sometimes life just stomps you in the face, y’know?...True…He doesn’t understand why Arquette turned against him, but suspects Bischoff’s influence…DDP also has threats for Mike Awesome and declares that Awesome could never kill Kanyon’s career because Kanyon’s a fighter…Tenay points out the common denominator in all of Dallas’s issues being, of course, Dallas, which is about when he’s had enough of interview time for now…He takes off his mic and walks out…Whoa, a good talking segment in the Ruschoff Era?!...That's about as rare as Ric Flair hitting a top-rope move like he did on Nitro... Okerlund interviews the Cat, who stands with Palumbo and Stasiak…He books KroniK against the latter team and says that he’ll be telling the ref to strictly enforce the DQ rules of old…He also makes it a match that KroniK can indeed lose their titles in, even by DQ…Shane Douglas busts in and accosts the Cat, who says that he did what he did under strict orders…Stasiak and Palumbo drag Douglas away as Shane fires questions about who gave him those orders…I think you can probably narrow down your guesses, buddy… Outro: Eric Bischoff has a sit-down with Tony S., coming up later… Nash and Scotty work out with Shakira and Midajah…It’s all quite salacious… Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo walk the ramp…Remember Curt Hennig helping Stasiak out?...Remember when Palumbo was feuding with TTP?...And I could swear that Sid turned heel and joined the New Blood recently…Forget all that though…KroniK enters the ring and clears it of the two New Blood members immediately…The match settles down into an actual match…Wow, is this what a traditional wrestling match looks like?...Stasiak tries his best, but he ends up body pressed and hit with an Adams gutbuster for two… Clark tags in and continues the pain…Stasiak is able to hit a weak boot and tag out, but Palumbo just gets in there and gets his ass kicked…A butterfly suplex from Clark gets two…Palumbo manages a very low superkick for one and tries to take over…He fails…Clark hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker…Adams tags in and lands a full nelson slam for two…Stasiak has to make the save…The ref misses Palumbo hitting a DDT and, uh, being covered by Clark for one?...This match isn’t good because Palumbo and Stasiak are no fun, but at least this is a regular match… Stasiak tags in and hits a back suplex on Adams, but he gets dumped with a piledriver…Clark gets the lukewarm tag…The match breaks down…KroniK tosses Palumbo onto the ramp before hitting a High Times on Stasiak…And then here comes a very badly timed finish…Clark covers, but because Palumbo is late on an attempted flexor attack to Adams, Silverman has to count to two and then ostentatiously look up, waiting, as Adams claims the flexor and takes the time to shoot Palumbo into the ropes...In the meantime, Silverman has long since stopped counting to wait for Adams to jam the flexor into Palumbo’s chest for the DQ loss, which is after Clark has covered Stasiak for about five or six seconds in real time...KroniK should have won since Clark's cover for three would have been counted before Adams even shot Palumbo in, much less hit him with the flexor… WCW World Tag Team Championship title change count: 7 (VACANT > David Flair and Crowbar > The Mamalukes > The Harris Bros. > VACANT > Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas > KroniK > Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo)… I miss that kinda fun Dopey Dave and Crowbar run…And no, I’m not kidding about that… Outro: More teasing of the Tony S./Bischoff interview… Norm and Ralphus bust in on some kids wrestling on a dirty mattress and are unfortunately not funny at all…Norm puts on a clinic in which dominates the champ with submission holds and takes his tinfoil belt… Tony S. sits with Eric Bischoff for the full interview next…Tony tries to get a clue as to what Ruschoff were doing when they flew out to Los Angeles…Bischoff diverts the conversation by talking about how rad he was back in 1995 at making WCW good…He does indicate that he’s pulled off something that you wouldn’t expect, much like no one would have ever expected Ruschoff to work together…This is boring because it’s obliquely about Goldberg turning heel…Like, why would you need lawyers and contracts for a heel turn?...Why are they building a heel turn as bigger than anything that's ever happened in WCW or the WWF?...It’s a completely nonsensical build…I’d be out here thinking they were going to purchase ECW or some shit the way this guy is talking…Bad interview, but of course it is because Bischoff is involved… David Flair and Vince Russo hit the ring to face Ric and Reid Flair while the desk goes on and on and on to make sure that no little kid does any wrestling on mattresses in their backyards, please, Turner doesn’t want to settle another lawsuit…Ric tears into Dave with chops…Then, he grabs a mic and dares Russo to get in the ring…Ric promises to stand outside the ring for three minutes and let Reid work Russo over…Let’s watch a twelve-year-old work over a future WCW World Heavyweight Champion, everyone!...I submit to you that Russo winning the big gold is worse than Arquette winning it…Neither is optimal, but Russo is just abominable as a performer in every way… Reid hits a series of takedowns, and Ric jumps in and hammers Russo…Dave jumps on Ric and lands a few chops…Dave lands a vertical suplex and some chops, then struts…He turns around into a chop…Ric chops Dave to the floor, but Russo lands a tchotchke shot to Ric’s dome…Dave gets him back in the ring and stomps him…Reid tries to stop the beating, but Dave tosses him into the ropes, where Russo trips him…Dave locks a Figure Four on Reid while Russo covers him for three…Russo insists on a post-match celebratory boast…Beth tries to slap him, but he just yells at her…I do not like this angle… After the break, Ric yells through his interview with Gene Okerlund…Ric says he’ll get Ted Turner to make Russo fight him in a cage on Nitro… The Cat looks quite pleased with himself as he grooves to the ring…He joins the desk to supervise Scotty Steiner and Kevin Nash (w/Shakira and Midajah) against Tank Abbott and Ricky Steiner (w/road rash, probably)…There’s nothing like killing the joy of the crowds in each of your towns by playing Goldberg’s music and TurnerTron only for them to have a collective audible sigh of disappointment when Tank Abbott walks out… The Cat gets up as the match starts and declares that the winner of the match gets a world title shot against Jeff Jarrett…He means the single man who gets a pinfall gets the shot, by the way…The guy likes chaos, I suppose…We cut to the back, where Jarrett declares that he’s going to KABONG a few people before the match can see a pinfall…The desk talks about Russo accepting the cage match against Ric…Scotty Steiner is already FIP and trying to make a hot tag… Everyone is just doing regular tag-outs and pinfall attempts instead of working like they’re risking a world title shot just by taking a breather…Scotty kicks out of an Abbott right and hits Rick with a DDT, then scores a hot tag…There's been way too much selling by Scott Steiner in this match…I don’t buy that he should have too many problems with Tank or Rick…Nash controls, but is sack tapped by Ricky…Jarrett apparently had a long way to go to get from the dressing room to the ring…He makes it just in time to KABONG Steiner in the back as Steiner reclines on Tank and almost scores a submission… Jarrett wants a DQ, but the Cat stands up at the desk and declares this match to be no disqualification…In the ring, Ricky hits Nash with the title, but Nash kicks out as the ladies get Scotty Steiner out of the ring…Jarrett tosses a chair in the ring, but Nash boots it into Rick Steiner’s face, then lands a Jackknife for three…Let’s build to our big world title match at the PPV in a week!...I love the forward planning!... DDP was the MVP tonight, being the only interesting longform talker on this talk-heavy show...The Cat is growing into his role as is Kimberly, so that made me not hate things too much…The show started out dumb and ended dumb, but the middle was bearable…OWWWWWWWWWW… Edited January 6 by SirSmUgly 1
zendragon Posted November 8, 2024 Posted November 8, 2024 5 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: Ah, Donny and Marie: When the Jackson 5 are just too edgy for you! Believe it or not Donny pretty much made that joke 1
twiztor Posted November 8, 2024 Posted November 8, 2024 14 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and twelve – 31 May 2000 Ralphus and Norman complain about all the jobs they aren’t any good at doing as they walk down the street, but they spot a backyard wrestling show going on in the background…Norm sees it as their way back into WCW, somehow… Norm and Ralphus bust in on some kids wrestling on a dirty mattress and are unfortunately not funny at all…Norm puts on a clinic in which dominates the champ with submission holds and takes his tinfoil belt… i had forgotten about this! i wonder what the story is/was with that? Has anyone heard if this was legit a neighborhood backyard fed, or just something the producers mocked up? Can you imagine being wrestling in your backyard when all of a sudden Norman Smiley comes around with a WCW cameraman? Or even weirder, if a WCW executive approached you about filming your amateur friends for a WCW program?
SirSmUgly Posted November 13, 2024 Author Posted November 13, 2024 Show #243 – 5 June 2000 "The one that kills off Atlanta as a drawing town and the whole WCW midcard as viable future stars" It’s June 2000 in WCW, and it’s time to say goodbye to a few wrestlers who disappeared from television weeks ago, never to return: Roddy Piper: This guy was good for one main event at Starrcade ’96, but WCW insisted on running this anachronism out there through the end of 1999. If any wrestler has lowered my estimation of them more during this watch than Roddy Piper has, I can’t think of who that wrestler would be. For all the guff I give Ric Flair, you can see through comparing him to Piper that there are levels to this shit. Flair managed to adjust enough with the times to make his character work, which most of these old dudes simply cannot do, especially Piper. La Parka: They dropped the ball on this guy. If he was kicking around WCW in 1989, Parka would have been the U.S. Champion, or at least the Television Champion, and he would have been presented as a serious threat. El Dandy and Silver King: This tag division has been an ongoing embarrassment for literal years, and these guys can work. Why they didn’t stick them with a talker (not Stacy Keibler), I don’t know. The most disconcerting thing about the losses of the last three wrestlers is that one thing I always loved about WCW is that it felt international. You’d have dudes from all over the world show up and sometimes catch fire (a la Muta), whereas in the WWF, the most exotic you’d get was a black person, a Canadian, or maybe an Italian guy pretending to be Cherokee or some dumb shit like that. With all these Mexican workers headed out, replaced by a bunch of so-so jacked Power Plant guys, where is the diversity that I liked so much about WCW as a kid? Bleh. Recap: Tank Abbott and Bill Goldberg will settle their underwhelmingly-booked business in Atlanta TONIGHT. Do you like watching Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner pull up in a car? I sure hope that you do! Ruschoff talks entirely too much to start the show. I’ll tell you if they say anything interesting or useful. Let’s see, crowing about nonsense, Scott Steiner vs. Vampiro is on for tonight, and so is Kevin Nash in a New Blood Gauntlet that he has to win with no outside help to keep his title shot at GAB. Oh good, let’s run Nash through all the New Blood guys to keep him strong. Finally, Bischoff books Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting. Russo starts talking next because this show is in the pits. Russo says that he left New York eight months ago. Only eight months? It feels like this guy has been here since about 1998 at this point. Russo shits on John Rocker, known New York hater, and then threatens to beat the guy down. Wow, a baseball player had dumb ideas about a city! I remain surprised and outraged! Also, there’s a cell hanging over the ring, and in it shall be Russo and Ric Flair in a match that everyone was clamoring for. Bischoff, seemingly inspired by Russo’s gumption and verve, decides that he will fight Terry Funk and win the Hardcore Championship off him. Bisch closes his remarks by pretending that he’s mad at Goldberg for saving Kevin Nash last week and threatens to suspend Goldberg if he gets involved in any New Blood business tonight. Of course, Russo is an aggy little guy and suddenly seizes the mic again, then talks shit about Goldberg as the man himself watches it on the monitor. Russo has TWO WORDS for Goldberg: SPEAR THIS, BABY *crotch chops*. Russo’s not doing the NYC public school system much pride, let me tell you that much. Goldberg comes down and beats up some security mooks to a pop while Ruschoff head for the hills. Bischoff yells at Russo backstage while the Cat mirrors the former; Jeff Jarrett comes in to complain about being booked against Sting; Kidman and Torrie come in to yell about the Hogan brood and maybe one another, too. It sucks. Stasiak and Palumbo defend their newly-won WCW World Tag Team Championships against KroniK. Clarke dominates Palumbo inside the ring; Stasiak has to hit a desperation inverted atomic drop on Adams while on the ramp before rushing back in to try and save his buddy. The action heads back to the ring, where Adams dumps Stasiak to ringside; Clarke hits Palumbo with a Meltdown, cuts off Stasiak, and then attacks the New Blood members in a move we don’t see because we’re watching the Cat walk onto the raised ramp. This match has no flow, which is too bad because KroniK doing power moves is pretty fun. Adams scores two on a full nelson slam, but gets superkicked out of a piledriver attempt by Palumbo. Adams plays a little FIP, but the best Stasiak and Palumbo can do is a handful of two-counts. Adams is able to score a backbreaker after an Irish whip reversal and manage a hot tag to Clarke, who cleans house. Palumbo and Stasiak simply aren’t very good and are both still working on their timing, if you were wondering. The Cat enters the ring while all four men brawl outside. He forces Silverman to initiate a double count-out by putting him in a chicken wing, then manages to get Silverman to count to about 9.5 and calls for the bell himself. KroniK prepares a High Times on the Cat against the latter’s warnings, but he’s saved by Stasiak and Palumbo, who take a beating in his stead. Kidman yells at Torrie Wilson for walking out on him, then calls Gunns a DUMB BITCH when she steps in to defend a shocked Torrie. It’s entirely unconvincing stuff on everyone’s parts. Pamela Paulshock ambushes Kevin Nash as he walks into the building to ask him about the gauntlet match he’s been booked in, but Nash basically blows her off. Rection yells at Stash, Loco, and Cajun; he asks where Gunns is, and Gunns walks in upset about Kidman being an incorrigible douche. G.I. Bro randomly busts in and declares that their mission tonight is to KICK KIDMAN’S ASS. Nash tries to be buddy-buddy with Goldberg, but come on, you think that man has forgotten Starrcade ’98? G.I. Bro (w/Misfits in Action) enters the ring and calls out Billy Kidman. He gets Billy Kidman, who has his old pals the Filthy Animals backing him up. Kidman rushes the ring and gets in more offense than usual. Well, not that much more. It takes a minute, maybe, before Bro lands an axe kick and a Spinaroonie. He continues mowing down Kidman, then sets Kidman up in the corner for a Major Gunns kick in the sack. Torrie runs out, pretends to help Kidman, and then sack taps him instead. He turns right into a Book End for three. Is this the funniest punishment for Kidman trying to leave for WWF in January that is possible? This is truly hilarious. Anyway, the Filthy Animals stomp out the Misfits after the match. Outros: Tank Abbott fires himself up; The Cat fires Eric Bischoff up. So, the Cat helps Eric Bischoff in his quest to defeat Terry Funk for the gold. It sucks. Guys get hit in the head with chairs and trash cans for no reason. Bischoff does his karate demonstration. Look, a lot of folks think that Terry Funk is the G.O.A.T., and I think he’s a worthy choice, but this 2000 WCW run has been quite the mark on his CV. I think at least Funk has had stuff like the David Flair match that was pure fucking theater; I think that makes me feel like Funk is not the problem, but he’s got little chance to do anything useful in WCW at this point. Oh, so Funk chases Bisch and Cat backstage after a couple of minutes. Ms. Hancock walks to the ring to dance, but her music is interrupted by Kimberly’s (w/Mike Awesome). Kim wants the spotlight instead of Hancock, basically, and is willing to take Hancock’s clipboard and smack her in the back with it. Hancock calls Kim “fat ass,” which absolutely not, but also that’s not necessarily an insult. Kim says she will fight Hancock, but later. Sure, let’s put that whole thing off indefinitely. Kim and Hancock run into Terry Funk dumping Eric Bischoff into a wheelbarrow at the top of the ramp, but they just walk by as Funk rolls Bisch back to the ring and cuts off an attack from the Cat besides. Funk lands a DDT that plants Bisch on a chair; we cut to the back and Russo is sitting with the Mamalukes. Russo sends the ‘lukes out to stop Funk from giving Bisch a bare-assed Stinkface. Yuck. So is Russo a babyface now or something? The ‘lukes hit the ring, beat the Funker down, and cover Funk’s balls with a trash can lid so that the kendo stick shot they lay in on his groin doesn’t actually do anything but make a loud sound. That’s a pretty dumb spot. Finally, after a beatdown, the ’lukes put Bisch on top of Funk for three and the gold. Vince McMahon booked himself to win the world title and Ruschoff popped a collective boner, didn’t they? Outros: Goldberg isn’t walking. Scott Steiner is. The Flair brood arrives at the show. Scott Steiner (w/Midajah and Shakira) is in the ring to talk first and beat the tar out of Vampiro second. Scotty calls it HOT-LANTA, and unlike DDP, he makes it work. This is kind of a fun opening sprint, mostly because Vampiro leaps around and misses his offense, and then Scotty uses the opportunity to toss him around. Vamp does get a boot up on a Steiner charge and scores a few kicks, but Steiner takes over again and wins an obligabrawl when he tosses Vamp across the broadcast table. Sure, Vamp gets a couple of shots in after the table crash, but he pretty much got his ass kicked and then gets it kicked some more after that brief flurry. Vamp again manages a bit of offense, landing a flying body press when the match re-enters the ring, but he is distracted from clattering Steiner with a blowtorch shot when Midajah hits a crossbody from the top (!!) on him. Vamp chases her down on the ramp and prepares to set her on fire, but Sting walks up behind Vamp and makes the save, knocking him back into the ring where Steiner meets him with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex and a Steiner Recliner for the victory. There was a glimmer of something fun that might have been realized in a better company. Post-match, Sting and Steiner destroy a bunch of charging R&B Security members. Goldberg kills off Tank Abbott at the top of the hour. Hudson points out that Goldberg’s side kick took Bret Hart out, but really, it was dropping Bret on the ringpost Figure Four that I think must have done the most damage. Anyway, Rick Steiner tries to save Tank after Goldberg washes him; he lands a chair shot, but Goldberg kicks out at two. Kevin Nash comes out for the save, and let’s be serious here, all I wanted was to see Goldberg completely sneesnash this guy Abbott after weeks of Abbott’s shit talking. I did not want to see this convoluted bullshit. Nash drags Ricky to the floor; Goldberg lands a spear and Jackhammer on Tank for three. Nash daps up Goldberg in the back; Goldberg demands stitches for that split in his head. Pam Paulshock tries to interview Kimberly, but Kimberly decides to interview herself instead because she thinks that she’s number one and the best. Jeff Jarrett, who must have wished on a cursed monkey’s paw when he asked it to make him the world champion, brings his afterthought ass out here to wrestle Sting. Four title reigns, and none of them have mattered or were longer than a few weeks. Jarrett rushes Sting before the bell. Everyone rushes everyone before the bell in every match, it feels like. Sting eventually uses a Hot Shot to get control, and he shakes off a missed Stinger Splash to keep control. Sting lands a counter powerbomb and tries a Scorpion Death Lock, but Jarrett kicks him out to the ramp. Jarrett grabs a chair and uses it on Sting in varied ways. Not that varied, though. He’s not Sabu. Sting makes a comeback out of almost nothing and, after the ref kicks Jarrett’s hands away from the ropes, wins a sunset flip for three and apparently the world title? This was a title match? OK, no, it was not. Bischoff walks onto the ramp and says that this was never announced as a title match; Sting responds by beating the shit out of Jeff Jarrett to soften him up for his title defense at GAB. Strange booking here. Jarrett looks weak, this does nothing for Sting, and the crowd was subjected to a phantom title change that cooled them down. They do get back up for Sting KABONGing Jarrett and knocking him off the ramp, though. After the break, Jarrett does what might be the millionth stretcher job in the past two months of WCW television. Am I being a little facetious in my count? Maybe. Mike Awesome has gotten free from Kimberly for a second to have his own segment; he grabs a mic, yells at a silent crowd to SHUT UP, and oops, actually, he introduces Kimberly after a bit of mediocre heeling on DDP. I mercifully forgot that Kim’s wrestling Hancock tonight for some dumbass reason. Tony S. informs us that this is a mixed tag match, which is news to me. So, it’s Kimberly and Awesome against Hancock and...oh no, Hancock and Kim talk first. Hancock has a release that she says frees her from having to pay damages when she ruins Kim’s face, but obviously Kim signs without reading it and obviously it releases DDP from the restraining order or whatever and obviously DDP walks out here as Hancock’s partner. I don’t think this would hold up in a court of law, even if, as Tony S. yells, it’s quite the SWERVE. Kim runs from Hancock, and Dallas swats Kim on the ass. I’ve checked out of this whole ordeal, if you wanted to know. The ladies have a dance-off. It’s a CATFIGHT, etc. etc. Madden saying, “This is somehow erotic, isn’t it?” might have killed my libido forever. Awesome gets involved and Hancock slaps her before escaping and tagging DDP. Page rolls Hancock before they fight over a sunset flip. Page gets two off that one, but gets kicked in the balls on a backslide attempt. Awesome lands some offense before going to a boot choke that does nothing as Page makes a comeback before running into a short-arm clothesline. Awesome lands a running splash and then rolls outside to look for a table. He sets it up for later, then hits a top-rope splash that Dallas hits an incredibly well-timed 2.9 to get out of. Awesome hoists Dallas for a running Awesome Bomb, but Hancock shows some leg and distracts Awesome enough that DDP can twist away and hit a Diamond Cutter for three. Pamela Paulshock carefully quotes Hulk Hogan as telling her that there’s “no way in hell that Hulk Hogan will fight Horace,” which I suppose means the return of megastar rebel tweener F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea and probably a return to 5.0 in the ratings considering what a superstar that guy is. Horace Hogan (w/Eric Bischoff) enters the ring after a commercial break. Bisch gives a hopeful health update on Jeff Jarrett while Horace sets up a table at ringside. Oops, no, we don’t get F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea, we get Hollywood Hulk Hogan. It’s like WCW decided to do the Three Faces of Foley, but with this absolute doofus whose three faces all fucking suck. Anyway, they have a low-impact Caged Heat match. I’d like to instead opine on Vince Russo re-running a bunch of WWF storylines from 1997 through 1999 in WCW, except with a bunch of personnel who don’t fit into those storylines. Is Russo the least creative booker ever? He has like the same eight ideas that he recycles over and over. I digress. Hollywood wins with a chair-assisted legdrop; Kidman runs in after the match and gets completely obliterated, taking a bump through that table at ringside in the bargain. Pamela Paulshock interviews Ric Flair, who is so keyed up to kick the hell out of Vince Russo that he forgets to sexually harass Pam as he normally would. I don’t think his then-wife being there would have stopped him under regular circumstances, either. Meanwhile, Russo freaks out about Dopey Dave not being at the arena yet. Alright, Vince Russo/Ric Flair (w/Reid and Beth Flair) is the next match out of the break. I’m so bummed about Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff getting more ring time. Get Three Count and the Jung Dragons back on television instead. Russo also should not be getting in even a tiny bit of offense on Flair like he is, nor should he do what is the worst Fargo strut that I’ve ever seen in my life. Flair beats Russo up quite a bit after he bumps for a Russo chop (?!?!), at least. Dopey Dave pops out from under the ring to distract Ric; Russo attacks the ref and tries to escape the cage, but Reid cuts him off. Ric beats up Dave as I fondly remember a time when heels actually were threats to the babyfaces. I won’t go on about this as I always do, but I think maybe the biggest reason that this run of television is so reviled is that there’s really no danger or intrigue at all. The babyfaces are just far, far, far better than the heels in every way. Half the time, the babyfaces even win gang attacks. While Russo fights Ric off and climbs the ladder to escape through a loose part of the cell, I wonder why we can’t even get one guy on the New Blood’s team to be a threat. Scotty Steiner was the only one even remotely booked that way, and they promptly turned him babyface. Russo plummets back into the ring; Ric follows, stomps on Dave and Ric for a minute, and then locks Russo in a Figure Four. Russo holds on for a full fucking minute, probably more, which is ABSURD. This show sucks. Russo is now a bigger physical threat than any of the other New Blood members. I cannot believe how Russo is killing off Ric’s Figure Four. That is fucking wild. The crowd quieted right down when they realized they weren’t getting an insta-submission. Then there’s a fucking dumbass bloodbath in the ring, and Dopey Dave and Russo slide around while attacking Ric. This sucked so badly that Vince Russo personally owes me an apology for having made me endure it. Madden says that Russo was “soaked in blood,” and Tony S., ever mindful of Turner S&P, quickly corrects Madden with a curt “red liquid.” That was probably my favorite thing on this whole show. Kevin Nash beats up some New Blood guys who don’t get the rub and don’t need it since they gotta pay their dues like everyone else. Why the hell is Russo (w/midcard New Blood members) limping back out here? Russo comes out here just to remind Nash of the stakes when he actually should be a guy doing a stretcher job. Nash beats Disco with a side slam in fifteen seconds, and it really doesn’t get much better from there. Slick Johnson counts threes without Nash even covering dudes. I mean, obviously, this is one of the worst things I’ve seen in my life. Rey Jr. jobbing to a big boot to the chest in five seconds is fucking malpractice. Goldberg runs out when Nash finally gets overwhelmed at twelve-on-one, which should lose Nash his title shot (just as the wily Goldberg planned, I assume). Bischoff yells about suspending Goldberg, so Goldberg threatens to throttle the guy. Boy oh boy, is this show not serving anyone except for a bunch of guys who don’t draw viewers anymore. The Ruschoff Era is marginally more watchable than the Sullivan/Dillon/et al. era, but it’s killing off the whole fucking midcard for no reason, so it’s definitely even worse than the latter era. I almost miss Dustin Rhodes and Terry Funk having a terrible feud with one another at this point. The booking on this show was so bad, so vile, so company-killing, that I think we’re really plumbing the deepest of the depths here. -5.25 Sextillion Stinger Splashes out of 5. 2 1
SirSmUgly Posted November 13, 2024 Author Posted November 13, 2024 This is a busy season for travel and work, so there will be gaps, but trust me that I'm going to get consistent with these again in January and finish up. Mostly because I've made it this far and endured the worst, so I at least deserve Scott Steiner and Booker T. dominating WCW television for a few months as a reward. 2
twiztor Posted November 13, 2024 Posted November 13, 2024 3 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: I've made it this far and endured the worst have you though?
BobbyWhioux Posted November 13, 2024 Posted November 13, 2024 no wonder I thought Lance Storm was such a breath of fresh air 1
SirSmUgly Posted November 13, 2024 Author Posted November 13, 2024 18 minutes ago, twiztor said: have you though? Goddammit. 1
twiztor Posted November 13, 2024 Posted November 13, 2024 7 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said: Goddammit. if i can be serious for a minute, there are plenty of good things coming. there's just also stupid shit like WarGames 2000. no recollection on how good/bad full individual shows are.
SirSmUgly Posted November 13, 2024 Author Posted November 13, 2024 29 minutes ago, twiztor said: if i can be serious for a minute, 51 minutes ago, BobbyWhioux said: no wonder I thought Lance Storm was such a breath of fresh air Seriously can't wait for Lance Storm and his gang of Canadian supremacists to get on TV and liven things up a bit.
SirSmUgly Posted November 14, 2024 Author Posted November 14, 2024 Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and thirteen – 7 June 2000 "The WCW Gang can't reach the sublime, but they can embody the absurd" Let’s THUNDERRRRRRR right into the Great American Bash for the final time… Recap: It’s a bummer how little Nitro matters or how the only guy who can get over on one of the main eventer vets is Vince Russo… Here are some lawyers and also Eric Bischoff!...Hot start to this show!...Do I even need to clarify that this is sarcasm?!... Title card…More lawyers and also Eric Bischoff!...Why doesn’t Vince Russo swerve me by opening the show with a ten-minute match between a couple of promising midcarders that ends cleanly?... Bischoff starts doing his I FEEL THE LOVE IN THIS BUILDING spiel, and maybe at the earliest ever point in this watch through, I check the progress bar to see how much time is left in this show…We are only four minutes in…Dammit…Bisch goes on and on about this coming Goldberg heel turn and completely overhypes it in the process while also saying that he doesn’t want to overhype it…He also has some lawyers down here to suspend Goldberg as a ruse, a conceit of his dumb plan that the WWF can’t stop…Why would the WWF want to stop Bischoff from taking the one guy under forty who is still over at a superstar level and then turning him heel for no fucking reason?... Bisch suspends Goldberg without pay for three months…He then gives an injury update on Jeff Jarrett…Bisch says that Jarrett is too hurt to wrestle Kevin Nash at GAB…Jarrett comes down to sell his devastating injury at the hands of Sting on Nitro…This guy really overdoes it with a walker, a back brace, and multiple casts…Not to be base, but at least there are some ladies in sexy nurse garb to gaze at while this segment continues on and on and on…Jarrett does make me laugh by opening with this line: “Now I know that my millions of slapnuts are going to be very disappointed”…That’s the first time that he’s used the word slapnuts in a way that was actually funny… Jarrett blames Sting for injuring him, pretends that Sting is the type of sicko to propose Human Torch matches ([tm] Marvel Entertainment), and then faux-pologizes to Kevin Nash for having to bow out of GAB…Nash walks out with a baseball bat and a mic…He enters the ring…Jarrett tries to beg off…Nash basically says he’s going to jam the bat up Jarrett’s ass, then beats him down…He drops the bat, and Bischoff picks it up…Nash blocks Bisch's swing and takes the bat, then clears the ring with it, including the lawyers…Jarrett runs away at top speed…Nash picks up a mic and suggests that Jarrett is apparently healthy enough to wrestle him on Sunday, but in cruder terms… Captain General Rection yells at his crew of dipshits and also Chavo Jr. is standing there in line with the dipshits too, but only because this show is horribly booked...Russo and some mature folks get out of a conversion van…One lady almost blows out an ankle hopping onto the pavement… Dopey Dave is trying to avoid Daffney, who spots him and wonders why Dave hasn’t called her…Dave blows her off… Jeff Jarrett yells at Eric Bischoff in the back while Kim whines at Eric and the Cat whines at Jarrett…It’s as annoying as it sounds…Bisch kicks everyone out... Wow, are we going to get a pro wrestling match on this pro wrestling show?...Tygress is now with the Filthy Animals…Konnan yells JIGGA WHAAAAAAAT and then uses an outdated phrase for people with learning disabilities as an insult, so that’s how this is going…Disco is supposed to be the out-of-touch dork, but Konnan’s really giving the guy a run for his money in that department…The Misfits in Action walk the ramp to face them…Wait, no, now Daffney (w/Crowbar) is here…Daffney is wearing a shirt that says ME TOO, in what is an eerie look twenty years into the future…I bet she had some stories… So, it’s Daffney vs. Disco vs. Loco for the Cruiserweight Championship…Tygress joins commentary…This is a real bummer, man…Daffney hits Disco with a rana, but otherwise, this is a zero of a match…People interfere…Crowbar hits a somersault plancha onto the Misfits…Ms. Hancock walks out after that happens…Daffney confronts Hancock on the ramp as these ladies fight over David fucking Flair for some reason…Kim walks up from behind and shoves Hancock into Daffney…Gunns decides to involve herself in this scrum and gets aggy at Kim…That leaves the Animals in the ring to destroy Loco…G.I. Bro does a sudden run in, clears the ring, and hits Disco with a Book End, then drags Loco on top of Disco for three…So, you’re telling me that Chavo wins the WCW Cruiserweight Championship, finally, for the first time, but in the dumbest way possible that makes him look like an ineffective doofus…Gunns revives the downed Loco while Tygress complains about it on commentary…This whole segment was an affront to me as a pro wrestling fan…I’m angry that Chavo Jr. is going on the Absolute Dirt Worst list…It’s not his fault, but it has to be done… WCW World Cruiserweight Championship title change count: 8 (Madusa > Oklahoma > VACANT > TAFKAPI > VACANT > Candido > Daffney and Crowbar > Daffney > Chavo Guerrero Jr.)… Kidman tries to apologize to Torrie, but she’s not having it… The Cat is annoyed that Bisch kicked him out of the office, and Russo consoles him…What is Russo’s (kayfabe) deal with the Cat?...Russo tells the Cat that he’s got a job for him that he’ll enjoy… During the break, the Cat came out and yells at G.I. Bro for interfering in that last match…This is taped, so why did we need it to be presented as part of a break?...Tell me what I’m missing here… Horace Hogan and Billy Kidman are still tagging together for some reason…Kidman grabs a mic and keeps apologizing to Torrie Wilson for his outbursts on the previous Nitro…Kidman says that he’s made up with Horace, so please stop being mad at him, Torrie…Kidman says that he is wrestling PRIVATE Stash, which is the correct name for this guy…It’s a dumb joke, but dammit, it’s the joke you’re making, so follow through!...Stash is able to roll Kidman and Horace in spots, but since he doesn’t have super old guy main eventer powers, he’s much more susceptible to distractions and backjumping…I do like Stash’s stalling superplex, but he is immediately attacked and DVD’d by Hogan the Younger…Kidman follows up with a Savage Elbow for three…Kidman grabs a mic again and begs Torrie to come talk to him…Dude, just go steal Ms. Hancock from Dopey Dave or something instead…Torrie walks down as Kidman proposes that they have makeup sex and some dudes in the crowd chant BO-RING…Torrie slaps him and leaves… The Cat runs a dance class with the elders…I wish this show didn’t suck ass…I want to look forward to watching a WCW show because I’m interested in it and not just because I’m having fun writing these reviews…And yes, I actually enjoy writing about the bad shows, too…Watching them is another story altogether, though…The Cat threatens an old lady for dancing poorly, and she threatens to “knock that bleach outta your hair”…The Cat begs off… Vince Russo sucks up air in the arena for a few minutes…He, Dopey Dave, and the dancing elders celebrate what they did to Ric Flair on Nitro…Dave says that Ric missed the important milestones in his life, but Dave’ll be sure not to miss Ric being forcibly retired at GAB…Russo touts his undefeated record as a wrestler and then rips open his chest and shows off his scars of war, which in this case are the handprints from all the chops he took on Monday… There’s a cake in the ring, but an old dude wheels out a giant cake…Russo assumes that Ric is hiding in the giant cake, but in fact, he’s under the ring…Ric comes up from behind, knocks down Dave, and backs Russo into the ring…Reid stalks Dave while Russo gets his face jammed into the cake…Ric then beats up Dave…Russo angrily flings cake into the crowd after Ric and Reid leave…That’s it…That’s the segment… Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner pull up to the show…Goldberg’s monster truck stands sentinel behind them… Eric Bischoff calls the cops on Goldberg…Compelling stuff!... The Mamalukes yammer at one another in a backstage area…Compelling stuff!...THE WALL, BROTHER, is one of their opponents…Or maybe both of their opponents…OK, so Tony S. clues us in that Bischoff has relinquished the hardcore belt to one or both of the Mamalukes…Why not?...Nothing matters anymore…This is typical WCW hardcore bout fare…Neither TW,B nor the Mamalukes can get any momentum as characters, and that’s partly because they’re not consistently on major WCW television shows…TW,B should be over as a midcarder just on the strength of chokeslamming other midcarders through tables… Shane Douglas comes down after the match reaches the ring and, with the help of some leverage, powerbombs TW,B through a table…Oh yeah, they’re feuding, aren’t they?...Vito follows up with a pseudo-Frog Splash for three…The New Blood members talk shit over TW,B’s body, but he suddenly pops up and chases Douglas out of the arena…Meanwhile, Tank Abbott storms the ramp, knocks out both the Mamalukes, and then gets a mic…Abbott wants a rematch against Goldberg…He also threatens Scott Steiner…Oh yeah, they’re feuding too, aren’t they?...Abbott promises to fight and/or fuck Scotty in the Asylum at GAB…Then he challenges Kevin Nash to an immediate match… Tank sticks around and has the nerve to tell the crowd that they look like a bunch of “hillbilly idiots”…Uh, no offense, but has this man ever looked in a mirror?...We go to break with Tank still out there yapping…Back from break, Tank decides to go back to beating dudes up until Nash gets out here…Nash casually views the proceedings backstage on a monitor…Tank threatens Tony S.’s kid and eats some of his popcorn…The kid tosses soda in Abbott’s face and runs away…Tony goes over to comfort his son while Kevin Nash finally figures that maybe he should get out here and stop all this nonsense… Nash goes at Tank, but Ricky Steiner runs in immediately…Nash fights them off, but Scotty Steiner runs down and helps out anyway…Tank and Rick head for safety…Eric Bischoff walks back out here, fuck, shit, fuck, and he starts talking again, SHIT, DAMMIT, FUCK, and after lobbing a few stupid insults at the babyfaces, he books Scotty Steiner in a New Blood Gauntlet for later in the show and tells Nash that he’ll lose his title shot if he interferes… Goldberg busts up into the premises…We see this via security cameras stationed around the loading bay… The Cat is a brave (or stupid) guy to yell invective at a bunch of Tennessee cops for not getting to the arena and arresting Goldberg quickly enough…He actually touches one of these cops and doesn’t get tazed or shot or anything…That’s how you know this is a work…Mike Awesome pulls up behind him in an ambulance… Back in the ring, Cpl. Cajun awaits the arrival of Awesome and Awesome's back-brace-and-halo…Awesome drops the contraption and goes at Cajun, who tries his best to dodge Awesome’s attacks…Tony S. does a fine job of selling his worry over his son’s safety back on commentary…Awesome mostly gets the best of Cajun and sets the Misfit in Action up for an Awesome Bomb through a table, but DDP jumps Awesome…Awesome manages to catch DDP in the head with the brace while Page celebrates…He follows up with an Awesome Bomb that breaks the table meant for Cajun... Hollywood Hogan arrives… Bisch wants Goldberg arrested…Kim wants an espresso…The cops want to stare at Kim’s rack… G.I. Bro and General or Captain Rection - WCW has used both, I’m pretty sure – make it to the ring to wrestle Palumbo and Stasiak for the tag titles…This match has an abbreviated shine segment and quickly gets to Rection as FIP…An older gentleman dressed up just like Les Lye pretending to be a general in a banana republic and threatening to have Alasdair shot by firing squad stands in the crowd and yells a whole lot, and let’s hope Ruschoff forget to follow up on this little booking idea…Oh no, the old pervy general tries to get with Gunns, and OH NO, it’s Rection’s senile dad!...From like months ago!...What in the SHIT, WCW!...This is fucking absurd!... Russo’s WCW is the dumbest shit ever…Who the fuck drops storylines for months and then randomly brings them back literally a half-year later?...Sid shows up, goes New Blood, and leaves television immediately after…Even if he's injured, you should get him to cut an interview explaining what he did from his home in Arkansas or something...And I legitimately forgot that TW,B/Douglas and Scott Steiner/Tank were ongoing feuds because these feuds were essentially dropped off television for multiple major shows in a row…Bro makes a hot tag, but I’m sorry, I just can’t get over how moronic Russo is…This guy is a complete fucking idiot…Are you telling me that this guy can get a writing job, but I can’t?...That is nonsense…I can’t get over this…Look, here’s the finish…Rection’s senile dad distracts him from landing a No Laughing Matter, and Palumbo uses the flex bar to win it…The creative on these shows is so absurd that I think I’m being trolled…You can’t convince me that Vince Russo genuinely thinks that these shows are any good… So, KroniK hits the ramp and attacks the tag champs…Brian Adams’s shirt is ridiculous, and yet it’s only like the third-most ridiculous thing in this segment…It’s like, uh, a sleeveless, rust orange, faux-leather shirt with tiger stripes on it…That’s the closest that I can come to describing it…The heels eat a High Times from KroniK, the latter of whom walk out while the Misfits continue to stomp away at the downed New Blood members… The Cat walks to the ring as I think about how no one would believe that any of this booking happened if it weren’t on tape…If this all happened during the territory days and wasn’t recorded for posterity, you would swear that I was bullshitting…The Cat dances…Sting interrupts since he’s opposing the Cat tonight…Before Sting can get in the ring, Vampiro attacks him with a fire extinguisher…The Cat decides that discretion is the better part of valor while Vamp continues his assault on the Stinger… Vamp punctuates his attack with a weak Scorpion Death Drop…Vamp clears the broadcast table and then lights it on fire…He takes so long to do this that Sting gets up, casually recovers the fire extinguisher, smothers the fire, and attacks…Vamp dodges a Stinger Splash against the railing and uranages Sting through the broadcast table…Vampiro grabs a microphone, leans against Sting’s fallen body, and mutters out a threat or three…Wow, they let Vampiro decidedly win a battle with Sting…Huh, do you think maybe they should try that more often to make him seem more like a threat?...Ruschoff might have discovered a new strategy to build a guy as a threat that no one in pro wrestling has ever used before…If they can keep using this strategy and Vince McMahon doesn’t figure out how to use it himself, they might just get back on top of the Monday Night Wars!... Sting refuses medical attention and storms out after the break… Gene Okerlund lives!...He interviews Hollywood Hogan in the ring like it’s 1997…Hollywood drops a Scott Hall reference because he saw how it gets pops for Kevin Nash…He’s bored by his feud with flea market champ Billy Kidman…I mean, I can see why in kayfabe…Kidman has been less than a threat…This is the first time I’ve checked the progress bar in a while…Ten more minutes…Oooh, Hogan gets all excited about an upcoming world title shot in July at BatB…AW YEAH…This is the only Hulk Hogan world title shot in his WCW run that I’ve actively looked forward to… Scott Steiner (w/Midajah and Shakira) runs the gauntlet in the main event…Scotty threatens everyone…Haha, this is what he says about Tank Abbott…“I have one favor to ask of you…stick some front teeth in so I have something to knock down your throat”…PUT THE BIG GOLD ON HIM, YOU IDIOTS…Scotty launches Candido with a release overhead belly-to-belly that Candido does a complete rotation on for his bump; then, Steiner flattens Candido with a top-rope belly-to-belly for three…This gauntlet will once again bury these midcarders, but at least that was spectacular…Steiner ruining dudes with suplexes is great…He gets Stasiak – one half of your tag champs, by the way – with a suplex before Palumbo attacks him with the flex bar… We cut to Nash all antsy in the back, watching the action, so we miss Midajah getting involved…Palumbo tries to get some reps in by lifting her, and Scotty ballshots him and locks on a Steiner Recliner for the submission…Yeah, this isn’t helping any of the New Blood members, but it’s certainly more entertaining than Monday’s gauntlet…Nash starts to make a move to the ring, but he gets KABONG’d by Jeff Jarrett…We cut away halfway through Jeff Jarrett’s shit-talking of the downed Nash…Back in the ring, the match is called off as Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott join the fray…They put Scotty in a strait jacket, which I’m pretty sure is a piece of attire that Scotty dons for one of the final WCW PPV promo posters as well…They body bag Scotty, but Goldberg makes it down right after that and destroys a few midcarders…Candido has been bumping like a maniac out here during this segment and was the second-best thing about it…Goldberg gives Shane Douglas a press into a power slam to finish clearing the ring…Bisch hits the ramp with a few cops as the show ends…I assume he went peacefully considering how he dealt with being arrested back at the start of ’99 (Show #173)… Bad show yet again, but it was utterly ridiculous in enough spots that I merely didn’t enjoy it very much as opposed to feeling that it was the absolute dirt worst in every way…OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW… 1
twiztor Posted November 14, 2024 Posted November 14, 2024 8 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and thirteen – 7 June 2000 Russo’s WCW is the dumbest shit ever…Who the fuck drops storylines for months and then randomly brings them back literally a half-year later?...Sid shows up, goes New Blood, and leaves television immediately after…Even if he's injured, you should get him to cut an interview explaining what he did from his home in Arkansas or something...And I legitimately forgot that TW,B/Douglas and Scott Steiner/Tank were ongoing feuds because these feuds were essentially dropped off television for multiple major shows in a row…I just can’t get over how moronic Russo is…This guy is a complete fucking idiot…Are you telling me that this guy can get a writing job, but I can’t?...That is nonsense…I can’t get over this…The creative on these shows is so absurd that I think I’m being trolled…You can’t convince me that Vince Russo genuinely thinks that these shows are any good… i wanted to keep track of all the dropped angles in post '98 WCW, due to its reputation, but once 1999 hits, the show is just chaos in the worst way. Russo exasperated that in every possible way, and then with stuff being randomly mentioned/referenced months later, it confuses it all even more. IIRC there's even another stint with the Hummer driver coming up! (or maybe i'm thinking of the bit with Bischoff/Kidman/Hogan, memory hazy). and so much is also "is this a new character for the same wrestler, or is this supposed to be a continuation and/or variation?" but things just never get explained, at all. Was there even a semi-reasonable explanation for how Disco went from feuding with Konnan, to a feud with the Mamalukes, to now being a part of the Filthy Animals? And don't get me started on Mike Awesome's career trajectory in WCW. Ambulance Enthusiast/"Career Killer" -> "Fat Chick Thriller" -> "That 70s guy" -> Team Canada in like 6 months. (sorry for the spoilers). Summer 1998 should have been Chavo Jr.'s breakout. He was over and made the most out of stupid comedy skits. Bump him into the void left by Jericho. He's a popular character, can go in the ring, and will lead to some fresh matchups. See how it works and go from there. OR, you could do what WCW actually did. take him off tv for months, only bringing him back occasionally to use as fodder. turn him into a backstage Amway salesman. make him a background player in the Misfits in Action. (sidenote, how weird is it that WCW had the punk band Misfits on tv, and only a couple months later started an unrelated group called Misfits in Action?) throw him a bone with the Cruiserweight title now that it is wholly devalued. how about a Mike Awesome/Chavo Jr. team? i didn't know i needed to see that until this very post. 2
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