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Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown


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DAY 115

Jerry Lawler is here for some reason. Probably to see if he or Corey Graves can annoy me more. 

Speaking of annoying... here's Randy Orton!  He's facing AJ Styles in their first ever WWE match.  In a familiar bit, they feuded because Orton has been in WWE forever, and AJ has been everywhere else, so of course, that is not worthy of respect. 

The match is a fun little bit of almost nostalgic storytelling.  Randy's very clearly trying to crush this guy who he doesn't respect, but AJ has an answer for basically everything. Orton eventually gets frustrated and makes mistakes. AJ, being as good as he says, makes Orton pay for his mistakes.  The main issue was the crowd...  they were completely dead for almost everything.   It was weird.  

So, the end completes the story.  AJ knows exactly what's going to happen if he flies in with the Forearm, so, he pumpfakes Orton out of his shoes, makes him commit to an RKO, and then forearms the fuck out of him for the victory.   

It's a totally inconsequential match, but for what it was, it was much, much better than I remembered.   

Lawler contributed nothing to the commentary.  This is a good thing. 

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It's weird.  The last 8-10 Manias have been a bunch of long matches where the aspiration at least was to tell a story in some way.  This Mania seems to be built around a couple of stories, and then the rest is just stuff that happens.  It's kind of like one of the much earlier Manias in that respect.  

I say that because it's now time for the Smackdown Tag Championships to be defended in a Fatal 4 Way.  The Usos are rolling in as champs, yet again, this time in a SWANK all white ring gear outfit.  They're facing The Bar, the oddly paired Rusev & Shinsuke Nakamura (I'm going to go on record here and guess that Nak definitely has a clause in his contract that says Vince can never shorten his name.), and the even odder pairing of the new NXT call ups, Ricochet and Aleister Black.  

Those two along made their debut along with the team I'm sure Vince actually wanted for this slot, Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa (who is bald and a fuck), #DIY.  But apparently, no one told him they were about to blow off a year-long blood feud between those two, so their roster call up was weird, and then got delayed and then blown up completely and they got moved back to NXT. 

The match is all over the place.  Rusev and Nakamura just don't look like they want to be there.  The Usos are there and just excited they're finally going to win. Cesaro & Sheamus are fully in put over the new guys mode as they're beating down Black & Rich, but selling all their stuff like crazy.   The absolutely best spot of the match comes as Sheamus gives the 10 Beats of the Bell to all 5 of his opponents, which Cesaro is spinning Ricochet into an aneurysm.  Like I don't know how Cesaro is still able to stand after that, but god damn was it impressive. 

The end came as the Usos do their Young Bucks Tribute and repeatedly superkick Sheamus into oblivion.  They follow it up with the double splash, to retain.  

The match was good fun, but only a step or so above the standard multi-team tag title defense that you'll see on Raw or SmackDown every other week. 

 

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On 1/2/2021 at 2:58 PM, Eivion said:

So what are Seth's best singles matches in WWE, and are any them designed so he doesn't get all of his shit in? I recall liking the Reigns & Styles matches all, but both guys still worked those matches out so Seth could get all of his shit, just in a sensible way.

I really think the world is sleeping on Rollins’ match with Neville.  I love that match.

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21 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

Speaking of annoying... here's Randy Orton!  He's facing AJ Styles in their first ever WWE match. 

Not quite. They clashed once before on TV in 2017 in a match to determine who challenged Bray at that year's Mania.

21 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

The match is a fun little bit of almost nostalgic storytelling.  Randy's very clearly trying to crush this guy who he doesn't respect, but AJ has an answer for basically everything. Orton eventually gets frustrated and makes mistakes. AJ, being as good as he says, makes Orton pay for his mistakes.  The main issue was the crowd...  they were completely dead for almost everything.   It was weird.  

About that:

Anyway, I just figured out how to break up quote posts without copy+paste. So I'm quite pleased. 

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And we're going to finish the ride with the 2019 Hall of Fame class.  

This was the year of "How Do We Put In Person X".  Also, you may remember, this is the year when some idiot rushed the stage and actually tackled Bret Hart during the induction ceremony.  I'm guessing he was from Pittsburgh

I still don't know how they could have fucked up with The Revival so badly.  

Anyway, the inductees are: Harlem Heat (I cannot find it anywhere, but I distinctly remember the origin of Stevie Ray's "Fruit Booty" catchphrase - which, if he'd have been in WWF at the time, would have made him a fucking millionaire - being in a promo with Mean Gene.  Gene exclaimed "FRUIT BOOTY?!  WHAT'S THAT???" in the funniest segment he'd ever done on the air.),  The Hart Foundation (Jim Neidhart had just passed away, so WWE put him in), The Honky Tonk Man (because Vince didn't care what Lawler thought any more), Brutus Beefcake (because Vince DID care what Hulk Hogan thinks for some reason), Torrie Wilson (congrats on hooking up with George Clooney, I guess?), and D-Generation X.  

DX is the sideways version they used to get Chyna into the Hall of Fame.  Chyna 100% merits entry on her own work, but if Vince is too much a chickenshit to put her in on her own, this is enough I suppose.  

The WWE lady in charge of charity outreach won the Warrior Award (Which should be renamed.) for her work with Make A Wish. (TWO (2) out of four stars on Charity Navigator!  Mazel!)

The Legacy side is as always the fun side - Luna Vachon, Prof. Tanaka, Bruiser Brody (in what I'm guessing was Vince trying to get out ahead of the Vice documentary), Buddy Rose, and Jim Barnett.  Proving Vince doesn't hold grudges, so long as he outlives you. 

Next up... the end of one of the longest, and most beloved friendships in the WWE ever. ?

End of Day 115. 

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DAY 116

To pretend that Shane McMahon is "best friends" with anyone is a bit of a stretch.  The Miz, who is among the most punchable faces in WWE, is cast in the role of "best friend" and gets betrayed because... well just look at him. You'd think this match was a god damned year long epic that they'd built up for years and was finally being blown off.  

The crowd gives as fucking sarcastic a pop as I've heard in any WrestleMania ever for any match as the two of them come in. It's palpable how little regard they have for this.  Frankly, I'm just annoyed by everything that's going on here.  Except Shane doing the Bugs Bunny vs Opera Singer announcement bit.  To clarify: 

39772323e7842bc3ad2980936bf2dfbb.gif

Anyway, the match starts in earnest as Shane, the heel, gets a face pop for attacking Miz's dad, who's sitting at ringside.  A little bit after this, they decide -- for the better -- that this match needs to be absolute garbage.  They start throwing each other around the ringside area and eventually make it out into the crowd.   

The crowd is still not really buying this... but they're not disliking it either.  They're actually mirroring me.   I seem to remember this being a dinner break match or I wasn't paying attention the first time, but it's actually turning into a watchable garbage match.  

The crowd, and I, actually start cheering the match on when one-by-one they go through and destroy all the foreign language announcers' tables, in what had to be a rib on all of them.   They eventually get into the camera rig and start climbing up and up and up on that thing.  They actually have the crowd at this point because everyone knows what a fucking deathwish-having psychopath Shane is, but this is a year or two after Miz had been berated on Talking Smack by Daniel Bryan.  The Miz has never done this kind of thing before, so they're all clearly wondering what the hell is up with them going up that high.  

Well, sure enough:

And though Miz delivered this Superplex (Ultraplex?) Shane actually ends up on top. Little Naitch is  in the right position and counts out the victory for Shane... clearly to the shock of the crowd. 

And look, yes, I know they didn't jump into a vat of used lightbulbs or through 20 flaming tables... and yes, you can see the crash pad below.   But this whole match was building to that big spot and it actually delivered. The crowd and I went from "Why is this happening" (at all) to "Why is this happening" (Shane winning).  That's a big leap and an overall very good job done by these two.  

Definitely falls into the "much better than it has any right to be" category for me.  Good start to the day. 

 

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21 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

DAY 116

To pretend that Shane McMahon is "best friends" with anyone is a bit of a stretch.  The Miz, who is among the most punchable faces in WWE, is cast in the role of "best friend" and gets betrayed because... well just look at him. You'd think this match was a god damned year long epic that they'd built up for years and was finally being blown off.  

 

 

It almost sort of was, though, if you consider that they clearly (IMO) just slotted Shane into a storyline originally planned for Daniel Bryan. And they had in fact been building Bryan-Miz for years.

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So the creation (or more accurately re-activation) of the Women's Tag Team Championship was one of those "Very Big Deals" when it came to WWE's women's division.  It showed they had essentially too much talent for just World-level titles and frankly they just needed to get more of that talent on TV.  It supposedly came at the lobbying of several of the talent, notably Sasha Banks and Bayley.  Eventually, they were crowd the inaugural women's tag champs and defended across all three main WWE shows, including NXT. 

All that said, at some point, Sasha and Bayley apparently forgot what company they worked for. 

We enter WrestleMania with three teams challenging the "Boss & Hug Connection" (a name that totally sounds like Vince pitched it and no one ever bothered coming up with anything better). The challengers are Nia Jax and Tamina (The Micronesia Maulers?), Natalya and Beth Phoenix (Team Me-ow!), and The Iiconics.  

Now, here's the thing about this match, I remember at the time people being very upset that they moved the titles of SERIOUS COMPETITORS!!! like Sasha & Bayley and shat all over it because of that.  I was lukewarm at the time, but knew the Iiconics were good.  But yeah, on re-watch?  This match is actually great. 

Basically all of the non-Tamina parts are very good to great, and even she's doing well by her standards.  It is, of course, next to impossible to tell a larger story during a multi-team match, but the Iiconics did a very good job at playing sneaky comedy heels, getting one over on everyone.  They pull off the upset of the night as Beth Phoenix has Bayley up for the Glam Slam (but Billie Kay has made a VERY well hidden blind tag).  She tosses Beth to the outside and steals the pin and the championships in true ICONIC (sic) fashion. 

2 years forward I can absolutely say a few thoughts:  1) The Iiconics earned their title reign. Period.  2) This is a very good match that gets overshadowed by what follows.  3) If Sasha actually did take time off because she was upset about this, then she was being a petulant baby.  

This is definitely one of the best rides I've had match-quality-wise in a long while.  And it just gets better from here.  

End of Day 116. 

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I remember in the Discord we did, people were saying Sasha had "boo boo face" coming out, and I continued my never-ending streak of legit not seeing anything different in her entrance when people claim that, only to them see Bayley come out looking like she was just diagnosed with "cancer of the puppy" to steal a line.

I don't remember anything about the match. I didn't even remember it was the Iiconics that won.

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4 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

 Nia Jax and Tamina (The Micronesia Maulers?)

Samoan THOT Team ?
 

2 hours ago, Brian Fowler said:

I remember in the Discord we did, people were saying Sasha had "boo boo face" coming out, and I continued my never-ending streak of legit not seeing anything different in her entrance when people claim that, only to them see Bayley come out looking like she was just diagnosed with "cancer of the puppy" to steal a line.

 

even the wacky inflatable buddies [R.I.P.] had boo-boo face that night IIRC

glad to see Dolfan finally get to my last Favorite Wrestlemania Match and illustrate why.  IIconics at the height of their cunning shitweasel powers, and not only did they win but Billie actually scored the winning fall, which would sadly prove to be rare enough to be noteworthy in and of itself. 

https://i2-prod.dailystar.co.uk/incoming/article16593707.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/0_iiconics-wwe-wrestlemania-peyton-royce-billie-kay-tag-team-champions-sasha-banks-bayley-1605847

lookit dem tears of joy.  We Create Moments, Pal, Indeed

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DAY 117

It's really great when the WWE has spent months slowly building a feud. Carefully planning out things left and right, leading to a showdown at the biggest stage they have.  Sometimes, however, they don't have that luxury and just put two of the most talented people they have on their roster and magic happens.  

Daniel Bryan returned from retirement and began talking about how everything he'd done to get back had given him a new perspective on life.  One that showed him how much better he was than any of us. The New Daniel Bryan, as he became known, was a fantastic little mix of an ungodly charisma and an unearthly amount of in-ring talent. 

I had a friend who doesn't watch wrestling but is a huge hockey guy who was over while I was watching wrestling and started wondering "Why is the Yes guy saying all these horrible things? It's pissing me off."  That's the level of performer Daniel Bryan is.  He can bend anyone to his will just by talking.  The fact that he's an all-world level in-ring talent only makes it better.  

He eventually won the WWE Championship and re-fashioned it with an absolutely amazing hemp and wood belt, which he wears to the ring. 

His opponent really could have been anyone.  But at some point, and I don't remember the exact impetus of this, but people realized that Kofi Kingston had been in WWE forever and had never received a one on one opportunity for the WWE Championship. When he replaced an injured Mustafa Ali at Elimination Chamber people thought... "Maybe?"  But then he actually won, and the crowd thought was, "Good for him, but he won't win at WrestleMania." 

They actually had a pretty nice build for the month or so they had.  Including, in a move of delicious irony, Daniel Bryan dropping the line of the year, when he called Kofi Kingston a "B+ player."   What a dick. ? 

Daniel comes out first with his fellow eco-warrior Erick Rowan (wearing a sweet George Romero tribute shirt).  And Kofi follows with the New Day and an absolutely incredible pop.  

Now after all that hype, I'll say, I was hoping that all of this wasn't for naught.  I really worried that someone would botch something or the match would suck or something.  Well, I can confirm on this re-watch, I had nothing to worry about.  The match was excellent. 

Daniel Bryan plays SUCH a great arrogant heel.  Not a prototypical WWE "arrogant" heel either, who'd break at the first sign of a real challenge. This heel knows he's good, and will also show how good he is because challenging him is a very bad idea and he knows it.  He's sonning Kofi left and right and all but reminding him he's a multiple time world champion and Kofi hasn't done shit outside of the tag division.  Kofi is visibly frustrated but is doing his best to keep up.  

Eventually Kofi eases more into the match, and Daniel realizes he's got a legit fight on his hands.  They fight over the submissions with Kofi just barely getting out of two Labell Locks (formerly the Yes Lock).  Kofi eventually gets mixed up with Rowan on the outside bringing in the New Day to fight off that threat.  

Daniel's getting beat up in the ring and eventually snatches Kofi into a third Labell lock.  He realizes he's in deep trouble when a Knee Plus only gets him two.  The crowd goes crazy there because if Bryan was going to win, his super finisher was going to do it.  They realize what's about to happen...  and sure enough.  

BANG.  Trouble in Paradise!  

1, 2, and for the first time in WWE history, an African-born man has won the WWE Championship at WrestleMania.  And it suddenly hit me.  

I realize now what was so great about this match: Unity.  

The WWE crowd at WrestleMania is a mish mosh of kids, smart fans, and casual fans.  They never agree on who to cheer for, who to boo, or what angles they'll respond to.  But this was different.  

When Kofi Kingston held up the WWE Championship. It was the accomplishment of not just finishing the rivalry they'd built, not just the culmination of a decade plus of hard work, and not just the overcoming of barriers based on race in one of the most notorious industries out there.  It was the accomplishment of bringing 80,000+ people together to cheer one man, completing one singular accomplishment, on one night when anything.... ANYTHING was possible.  

It was perfect. 

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Think of how different the WWE landscape would be if;

A: Bryan stayed fired after the Justin Roberts choking incident

or

B: Bryan never choked Roberts & was part of The Nexus all the way through their destruction.

Sliding doors and what ifs in spades right there!

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I saw the end of the match when it happened but had the sound mostly down due to being at a friend's house.  Which looking back if I sensed Kofi would win it I should have either watched it at a bar or done something else.  But what really got me was the reactions not just at the stadium but also the ones that hit social media.  There was truly something special about that win that makes it very special.

Side note:  On New Day's podcast they said they had a big ol' elaborate entrance they were going to do for Kofi.  It got enough clearance where Mega Ran had the song ready to go and they were putting things together.  But apparently a week or so before the show that got scrapped and it was just the regular entrance.  I would have liked to have seen that but it still doesn't take anything away from the match.

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5 hours ago, L_W_P said:

Think of how different the WWE landscape would be if;

A: Bryan stayed fired after the Justin Roberts choking incident

or

B: Bryan never choked Roberts & was part of The Nexus all the way through their destruction.

Sliding doors and what ifs in spades right there!

'A' is a mixed bag.  On the one hand, you get Bryan on the indies doing his thing and he maybe ends up in AEW.  On the other hand, he maybe ends up crippled or worse because he never has to tone down his style.

'B' is interesting.  His 'firing' wasn't a Drew McIntyre thing where he goes away and raises his stock.  When he came back, it wasn't like they got behind him right away.  I kind of feel like he still ends up where he is now in that scenario.

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DAY 118

I'll make an admission. For a second, I *did* entertain the thought, do you suppose he maybe faked cancer?  It's something so sleazy and awful, that I could absolutely believe 10 years from now something will come up and they'll have to admit it was just a storyline.  But, that's one of those things that as a wrestling fan, you just learn to bury away your skepticism every once in a while.  But, yes, I choose to believe that Joe Anoa'i had a return of leukemia and that he was legitimately fighting for his life. And in that vein, I also hate the skeptical/cynical part of me that occasionally doubts. 

The return of Roman Reigns and his announcement of the remission of his cancer left the WWE with a very nice problem to have.  Who'd get to challenge their ace at WrestleMania.  And as I write this, it really dawns on me, this match is what happens when a baseball pitcher comes back from a severe injury.  He gets sent to AA to face ace prospects to see where he is and what he can do post-injury.  (This also serves as a guide to the team to see if the prospect can hang with the big boys.) 

So, the ace prospect in question is the returning Drew McIntyre. The guy who used to be a comedy jobber has found a new strain of HGH dedication to his workouts and is now super intense about everything. He'd turn face later in 2019 when he learned to be a dickhead to everyone, but that's later.   Today he's challenging Roman because... *checks notes* because he had cancer.  Sure, whatever.  

But yeah, this was absolutely a rehab start because he's just walking through his pitches (Drive By, Superman Punch, Spear, etc.). Drew's dutifully following along hitting and striking out.  Not a soul in the stadium felt Drew had a shot in hell of winning.  And after ten boring minutes, the main eventers of WrestleMania 37 finish up with Reigns spearing the fuck out of Drew.   

The crowd's reaction is "polite applause".  Roman proved he was fine and Drew would eventually get to move up the card permanently.  So good for everyone... except for me having to sit through this. 

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I originally wrote up Demon Balor vs. Bobby Lashley here, because I was drunk and tired after the Super Bowl and skipped ahead about three matches.  

As your reward for my stupidity, please enjoy this affirmation gif: 

giphy.gif

 

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