DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 03162016! SHUJI ISHIKAWA~!MASATO TANAKA~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 03162016!

 

There are times when a man- A MAN- has to review three FOUR possibly crappy wrestling cards all at one time.  I AM THAT MAN! This will prolly take a while; probably less than 8 weeks, one would suppose- but who could be sure.  I will now BRING IT. My tears may start falling....

 

HARD HIT- 2/28/2016- [RASMUSSEN]:

Hard hit is quite a hodgepodge of retired guys, All Japan/Wrestle-1 guys and assorted weirdos.  The fact that even cagematch.net doesn't track all of their cards (like this one) makes it all so super underground!

 

KEISUKE OKUDA vs YUTAKA KOBAYASHI: Okuda is usually where Super Tiger is, so I'm guessing that he is Super Tiger's nephew and gives him a ride across town.  (That joke made more sense before I found out that Super Tiger isn't Tiger Mask I Sayama anymore, but a 38 year old guy Sayama trained. You can always pretend. Go ahead! ((Actually, Okuta is 24.  I thought he was 29 (why do you even ask why I thought that?  I've lost my motherfucking mind.)  24 is plenty young to be driving your uncle around.  Especially if he is your fun, drunk uncle.  Enjoy that joke to fullest extent.  THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER!  RIGHT?!))) Yutaka Kobayshi is a mysterious guy on the edge of shootstyle- as the only reference I can find is results page for this very show here and everybody there has some baffling name of a promotion next to their name in the list of results, if it isn't K-Dojo or All Japan Pro Wrestling.  Kobayashi has [PANCRASE] next to his name and one would suppose that it should say [A PANCRASE, NOT THE PANCRASE].  Takafumi Ito is of the [PANCRASE-ISM], so it kinda keeps you alert- to figure out if secret MMA careers are to Hard Hit undercardsmen what secret NFL careers are to US wrestlers.  At least when Shunpei Ota hails from [P'sLAB] and Shuichiro Katsumura hails from [K'z Factory], you at least know that they are basically an American wrestler saying, "Yeah, I played a few years in Arena 2.  I wasn't getting very far and then I ruined my knee.  Wrestling keeps me active and I've really grown to love it.  Thanks for coming out."  They start off all bouncing and kicking around and they have their hands up it's PANCRACE!  HYBRID FIGHTING!  It's a PANCRASE HYBRID FIGHTING, not the PANCRASE HYBRID FIGHTING.  They do actually start laying it in pretty good and then Okuda gets all in the mount and the guard and the things they did back in the day when shootstyle roamed the earth in giant herds.  Kobayashi will kick you really hard too but he goes down quick to Okuda in like 3 minutes with one of those submission things.  That was perfecly fine for three minutes of that.  PANCRASE! HYBRID FIGHTING!  No striking to the ssstroat!    

 

KENTA HATTORI vs AYUMU HONDA: 

KEI YAMAMIYA vs DAN THEODORE: 

SUPER TIGER/ SHUICHIRO KATSUMURA vs TAKAFUMI ITO/ SHUNPEI OTA:

JAKE LEE vs NOBUHIRO TSURUMAKI: 

YOSHIAKI FUJIWARA/ YUMA AOYAGI vs TAKUYA WADA/ TAKATOSHI MATSUMOTO: 

ATSUSHI AOKI vs MAKOTO OE: 

MINORU TANAKA vs HIKARU SATO:

YOSHIHIRO TAKAYAMA vs RYO KAWAMURA:

~!~

PRO WRESTLING HEAT UP- 2/6/2016-[RASMUSSEN]:

YES!  Your second consecutive complete Heat Up review!  This is some kind of tag tournament!  The grand prize is probably.... giant.

 

CHANGO/ PSYCHO vs AMIGO SUZUKI/ HIROSHI KONDO:  Allright!  This is the third Amigo Suzuki match I will have consciously reviewed.  Earlier in life was a blur but now I'm old and have kids and charge at these new ideas the veal and vigor of a man with a new lease on life!  How long before a fourth or fifth Amigo Suzuki match cuts me to the quick and I start a downward spiral of wrestling depression?  Who knows, let's enjoy fellowship together for a while. One review is here and the other is here. This is like studio wrestling- or actually is studio wrestling; the room is tiny and it looks like the lighting is set up for TV.  The room is full of people, but it might 80 people filling it.  Amigo beats on Chango and I like to worry about Amigo matches ruining my love of wrestling until I actually place my eyeballs on the match and realize that he is actually a well-trained, seasoned veteran Japanese wrestler- so there is level competence that is comforting.  Actually, that was Chango attacking Hiroshi Kondo.  Same idea for Chango.  And PSYCHO. Kondo is the only unknown force in the match, and he looks a lot like one of those guys you see on the news in Japan who marries his girl-shaped pillow and takes her on dates and stuff.  But appearances can be deceiving.  Maybe he a real ass stomper once you get him in the ring.  Of course, if he was all that I would have mentioned him more in the other HEAT-UP review.  He wasn't the bald guy I loved (who is Hiroshi Watanabe, using the deductive reasonings).  Kondo does tend to fuck things up and then bump big to the floor, thus he us confusing, things to love, things to hate.  He seems untrained but I figured out last time that he's been wrestling three years almost.  He is good for stomping on, so he reaches his most useful level- being stomped on and then bumping to the floor again.  PSYCHO and Chango do fun tag team techniques and do their end of beating some heat on the hapless Kondo.  Amigo is good on the apron, so the ingredients are here for a good basic Southern Styled tag match.  So yeah, despite the crappy offense of Kondo, or maybe his shittiness on offense adds to his adorableness to the ankle-bracelet-monitor-bedecked HEAT UP crowd, this is a pretty classic execution of a old style tag match.  It is 8 minutes in and Amigo Suzuki has not left the apron- so this gets really old school; he is active on the apron trying to make the tag.  Kondo gets off a thoroughly mediocre dropkick and they cut him off but he fights back and Amigo is a HOUSE A FIRE!  He tries to brainbust and then succeeds in brainbusting both Chango and PSYCHO and then goes up for the Superplex but loses miserably as PSYCHO spin kicks him and does assorted high-flying onto him.  Kondo tags in after Amigo is beaten upon and he is TRULY FUN being useless but FIRED UP!  HE IS THE BAD NEWS BEARS of PRO WRESTLING HEAT UP!  Chango decides he's had enough of his nonsense and starts stomping him to death, then Amigo makes a save, Kondo whips out the Sharpshooter that PSYCHO tries to break up with sub-Abyss-level-shitty punches and they finally beat Kondo with a fabulously elaborate double team folding, bending neck-slamming finisher.  PSYCHO proves just how evil he truly is by post-match forcing Amigo to sell his astounding array of fucking horrible punches.  Kondo will win you over by the end of this.  REALLY!  This is the thing that I forgat about with Japanese indie wrestling- you have all these guys who would NEVER make it through New Japan dojo but who will giant ass-stomping and you HAVE to love their spirit.  He is a little Chihuahua of a wrestle and you cannot fight his infectious spunkiness.  I like Amigo now.  I like Chango for the same reason.  PSYCHO I can now have a reason to watch- can he possibly throw a shittier punch that Ken Andersen?  The world is PSYCHO's shitty-punch oyster.  

 

HIROSHI WATANABE/ TAKASHI SASAKI vs KENJI TAKESHIMA/ TARO YAMADA:

MASA TAKANASHI vs YUKIHIRO ABE:

KOTARO NASU/ RYO KAWAMURA vs KENICHIRO ARAI/ SHINYA ISHIDA:

KAZUHIRO TAMURA/ MINEO FUJITA vs KOJI IWAMOTO/ MINORU TANAKA:

 

MR.GANNOSUKE PRODUCE-  1/12/2016-[RASMUSSEN]:

THE PRODUCE differs from the GUTS WORLD in some possible ways- I'm guessing MGP is more Ice Ribbon gals and old pals of Gannosuke and no actual appearances by GUTS Ishijima or Daisuke.  Or whoever didn't have to work the Tokyo Gurentai card across town that night.  

 

ATSUSHI MARUYAMA vs SHOTA: No GUTS Ishijima or Daisuke, but we do get Shota!  Which is kinda like getting Jimmy Garvin for your Fabulous Freebird.  Maruyama will less that two months from this match begin his foray into being beaten to a pulp every couple of days in the Big Japan Strong Climb.  One can only hope that he warms up for that by smashing giant chunks of Shota into mulch. He starts by kicking him on the face so this is bristling with possibilities.  They settle into the standard GUTS World/Dradition beginning and you are impressed by Shota's beautiful armdrag because one never gets to appreciate a beautiful armdrag anymore.  And yet here we are.  Maruyama was once and still a masked wrestler when not wrestling as Atsushi Maruyama,thus he does nifty lucha libre rope running things when called upon and he is pretty slick.  Let's hear it for having a bit of range.  Shota tries a few things that lead to more very nice armdrags that leads to getting a ropebreak on a Scorpion Deathlock, but Maruyama hits a swanky brainbuster and they do a little story within the match of seeing who is slicker and craftier, building on Shota being better at the Lucha Libre aspects that lead to armdrags- which is old school first caida stuff, so the GUTS World makes its way and makes me love a match that I was figuring on maybe tolerating.  Maruyama wins with a fewer stealthier moves and then rewards himself with less stealthier and more direct kicks to the face and chest.  Shota counters with backslides for stealthiness and rewards himself by landing an unstealthy and very direct reverse Atomic Drop to the Maruyama baby butterbeans!  Both sell the damage- Shota's face, Maruyama's achey man marbles. Shota punches him in the stomach and goes for a toprope cross bodyblock that Maruyama rolls through- as the story of the match is that Shota has to keep Maruyama busy with his jab because he go toe to toe with Maruyama and everyone is waiting for Maruyama to crush Shota.  The great thing is that they really get over the idea that Maruyama has bought into the battle of wrestling strategies instead of ass stomping strategies, and is taken out of his game because of his pride and hubris!  So yeah, we can all assume Maruyama will cut the bullshit and start pummelling Shota soon.  Maruyama, en lieu, does option C and goes for the keylock and MORPHS into a JUJEE GAY TOM MAY~! For the win! Man, that was waaay better than it should have ever been and really surprisingly good for me because it didn't have what I usually look for in a match- though it actually did when you think about it:  the key to the match was the DANGER that Maruyama and his kicking ability has sitting in the back of everybody's mind watching.  Shota works a thousand ways to escape it by getting Maruyama to agree to a totally different match, which is brilliant. I assumed Maruyama would maul Shota and we would all go home, instead Maruyama shows his range and then goes all shootstyle at the finish to counter the expectation of the strongstyle elephant in the ring.  Good job, you HEAT UP wrestling dudes!  

 

MAKOTO vs HARUKA KATO:

KENICHIRO ARAI vs MINEO FUJITA:

TAKA MICHINOKU vs TATSUHIKO YOSHINO:

HIKARU SATO vs BUFFALO:

YUKO MIYAMOTO vs MAGNITUDE KISHIWADA:

YASU URANO vs MR. GANNOSUKE

~!~

GUTS WORLD PRO WRESTLING- 2/23/2016 [RASMUSSEN]

JOJI OTANI vs RYOTA NAKATSU: Joji Otani is the guy in the pink who pretty much pussed out against wee strongster Sakuda in a match I previously reviewed. Ryota Nakatsu is a DDT fella that I watched in a match against Kengo Mashimo (It was a pretty cool match for a couple of reasons.) He is rounding the corner to his 100 match any day now.  Let's see how he does against wuss boy Joji or we'll see if Joji has opted for the Ball-ed option.  Being GUTS World, they trade armbars into head scissors into quarter nelsons.  Joji does a really nice armdrag and then Ryota does a move I have never seen before- standing on the apron, Nakatsu takes Joji's wrist and pulls his arm over the toprope and armdrags down, driving Joji's armpit straight down on the toprope, and it looked like it would possibly really suck. Then he kicks him on the shoulder a few times and works the shoulder because GUTS WORLD!  YOU HAVE A STORY IN THERE!  Joji escapes and tries a head scissors but Nakatsu reverses and counters and sinks in the armbar!  Nakatsu then just fucking goes berserk on Joji with kicks and running kicks and running dropkicks and it is pretty intense. Joji finally dropkicks a knee and gets in a bodyslam but his offense is pretty hilarious compared to Nakatsu's- since Nakatsu just beat the shit out of him.  Joji half-crabs because it has almost been one whole match since the last one I saw.  Nakatsu makes the ropes, hits the ropes and dropkicks back to offense- at which point it is Nakatsu slaughtering Joji until Joji can get a roll-up or hope spot until Nakatsu buries him in more horrendous violence.  They fiddle around a little with the trading of forearms until Nakatsu does the very nice 14 step roll-up into a JUICY JOE GAY TOM MAY~! for the win. Nakatsu is fun for a guy who I don't think is going to get any bigger.  Joji is developing into quite a future ref.         

GUTZ WORLD YOUR OPENING MATCH!!

 

KAZUHIKO MATSUZAKI/ MASKED MYSTERY vs AMIGO SUZUKI/ RYAN UPIN:

UPIN!

DRAKE MORIMATSU vs PAPAKEMI BEPPIN:

WE FEW, WE HAPPY FEW- THE WATCHERS OF A DRAKE MATCH.

MR. GANNOSUKE/ GUTS ISHIJIMA/ MICHIO KAGEYAMA vs TATSUHIKO YOSHINO/ TARO YAMADA/ SHIN SUZUKI:

HERE YOU GO.

KEIZO MATSUDA/ YUJI KITO vs SHOTA/ KENICHIRO ARAI:

WHY NOT?  I ASK YOU, WHY NOT?

DAISUKE vs MASAO ORIHARA:

HERE.

~!~

I'm gonna buy me a graveyard of my own

And kill everyone'sSINGLES GOING STEADYever done me wrong

I'm gonna buy a gun just as long as my arm and kill everyone ever done me harm

~!~

 

 

SHUJI ISHIKAWA vs TETSUYA ENDO- DRAMATIC DREAM TEAM- 2/28/2016-[RASMUSSEN]: I've seen Endo a couple times- in tag matches against Irie, if I recall.  He is their up-and-comer so I'm assuming Ishikawa will sell far too much for him, but one can't be sure. Endo looks like all of everybody else in DDT- not mealy but not big either.  "In shape", I guess, is the adjective.  I think he'll lay it in, which is good for Endo because Shuji Ishikawa will lay it in.  He hedges his bets by attaching when Ishikawa is facing the corner, thus starting with excitement, and you the gentle reader and I enjoy excitement when watching the professional wrestling.  Endo does a couple of indie moonsaults which just looks like a sign of desperation when you have to do it so early and then he changes course and he tries his hand at clubbing forearms as they hit the floor.  Ishikawa throws Endo through a section of chairs, a spot that is REALLY in my top ten in the pantheon of spots- go ahead and count how many times it happens in a match that I have given a bizarrely large amount of praise to- it'll be there.  This helps me like Endo- as opposed to being willfully negligent of him, because: I love when folks get thrown through a section of chairs.  Endo is further beaten into my heart when Ishikawa body slams him to the floor in the stands. Ishikawa waits in the ring for the actual beginning of the match as Endo crawls in- allowing Ishikawa to stand on him a little and comically trade chops.  (Ishikawa throws bigger chops.) Ishikawa pummels him more and motions for him to get up and take more of an ass-beating, to which Ishikawa busts his brain and halfs the crab! Endo fights to the rope and I'm guessing Endo isn't the golden child I assumed he was yet, because Ishikawa is not particularly "over"selling or "any" selling up to this point.  Endo fights out of a piledriver and hits a dropkick and wants to do stuff but his offense looks so crappy setting up the Asai Moonsault that one wonders why Ishikawa agrees to sell it.  Shuji has a heart of gold and a fist of iron!  So Endo goes on a little foray of offense and it pales in comparison whenever Ishikawa does anything, however minute, in response.  So yeah, any selling is overselling, but Ishikawa will do that and does so here.  Endo hits a moonsault onto the bended knees of Ishiwawa THUS Ishikawa responds by slaughtering Endo with a running lariat to the corner, and also a Lateral Suplex and a toprope stomp and- jiminy, it has got to fucking suck to wrestle Shuji Ishikawa.  Rutube goes to a commercial to allow me to figure out how Endo is going over because it really wouldn't make sense for Ishikawa to beat him to death like this for no reason, unless Endo can still get over more by taking this ass-beating and firing back and thus not looking like a dainty wee fella.  Ishikawa crushes him with more lariats but Endo grabs the ropes to show his fighting spirit.  Endo hits a dropkick, tries to go up top, but Ishikawa catches him. Endo squirmes and struggles and gets the toprope sunset flip and the DDT crowd ALLOWS ITSELF TO BELIEVE in the little fella.  He gets all fired up and he trades elbows to the head! Ishikawa grabs him around the neck and flings him directly over his head, in a sort of Released Throwing A Guy Directly Over Your Head. From this it moves into Endo getting roll-ups and Ishikawa hitting some pretty inconsistent finishers that the crowd gets hotter for as Endo escapes.  Ishikawa finally finishes crushing him with a Diehard Kansai for the win.  I dug this, mostly because Endo looks pretty good by the end and it makes up for Ishikawa sucking it by having to try too many things that are in his "He does that but it looks shitty" category, which happens when he is in a singles match.  I love Ishikawa, but he really gets exposed when he is not tagging with Sato.

Probably somekind of beating.

 

 

SHINJIRO OHTANI/ JAMES RAIDEEN vs MASATO TANAKA/ HIDEKI SUZUKI- ZERO-1- 2/28/2016- [RASMUSSEN]: Tomorrow, I start reviewing the Big Japan Strong Climb tournament in earnest and I am very excited.  Guys I love... beating on the next wad of guys I might love.... a dream, really.  Lemme get some other matches that PIQUED my interest in here before that.  Suzuki is the guy loved by you!  Masato Tanaka was that guy in 1999.  Ohtani was that guy in 1995.  James Raideen was never loved by anyone, wrestling-wise.  Three out of four is pretty good, especially since Hideki Suzuki is in this, or I wouldn't have really given a shit about this match. I can remember Ohtani and Tanaka having good matches in recent memory, but it is fading and YOU GUYS NEED TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME LATELY, LIKE THIS MATCH.  Zero-1 is becoming the promotion of guys who have vastly better matches when not wrestling in this promotion.  Maybe this will fight against that a little.  Suzuki and Ohtani go hard to the mat and they fight over knee bars because Zero-1 can also be called A Better Version Of GUTS World.  Tanaka and Raideen go strong style and it gets really good really fast as they fucking lay it in- a lot.  Okay, I will be the first to love Raideen and the year will be 2016.  He has a nice Elbow Across The Neck- like Johnny Valentine.  That has to suck to take.   Raideen chinlocks Suzuki and we slow it back down to the mat.  Suzuki does lots of fun things while in a headlock but you quickly forget because Raideen is about chopping up a fella's chest.  Suzuki notes this.  Suzuki CRAVATES~! Raideen.  Suzuki tags in the other guy in the match who will pummel you to death.  Tanaka and Raideen don't beat the life out of each other, opting to work a few armbars to allow Ohtani to dropkick Tanaka in the face a few times.  Ohtani rips at his face while Camel Clutching him and tags in Raideen.  Man, Raideen is only 24 years old.  He is 6'5" and 253 pounds.  He was trained by the Dudleys.  It's all here on the cagematch.net. So he's going to be a giant star at some point.  Anyway, Tanaka and Raideen decide to getting around to beating the fuck out of each other.  The fact that Raideen is regularly in with Kohei Sato and Masato Tanaka makes me think and hope that he will become the bludgeoningest New Zealander in a while. Ohtani scrapes the face of Suzuki while running and the reason I watched this match (the sexiness of Hideki Suzuki) has been replaced by the violence of Tanaka and Raideen.  Suzuki and Ohtani are just kinda killing time until they tag out and the fun starts again.  Suzuki will lean into getting kicked in the face, so I'm not really whining.  Tanaka tags in after Suzuki dropkicks-to-stop-being-kicked-in-the-face and Tanaka throws several lariats until he is German Suplexed.  Suzuki and Raideen tag in and Raideen throws some very Luger-like lariats. He hits a nice Sidewalk Slam and a standing lariat and chokeslam.  Suzuki fires back with forearms and suplexes and locks in an OCTAPUS HOLD~! for the win.  Suzuki should have taken a bigger ass-beating and Raideen needs to procure a better looking lariat if he is going to use it this much against guys who throw fucking great lariats.  Hell, Tanaka's crushes his lariat.  I dunno. Once again, you gotta find these guys in other promotions (Big Japan) to

see them in better matches.  There.  I said it.

the new hotness of Hideki Suzuki

 

SHIORI ASAHI vs YUSUKE KUBO- BASARA- 2/26/2016-[RASMUSSEN]:

broken sadness

ATSUSHI MARUYAMA vs HIKARU SATO- ALL JAPAN- 2/12/2016-[RASMUSSEN]:

http://rutube.ru/video/de224531c64c3205e6eec0fadc0f3d78/?pl_type=user&pl_id=1067514

Tomorrow: BIG JAPAN STRONG CLIMB!  More of the four cards of burningness!

[zev]

Fun review you have there. Really, I just wanted to say I am good with getting Jimmy Garvin as my Fabulous Freebird.

[DEAN]

Fun review you have there. Really, I just wanted to say I am good with getting Jimmy Garvin as my Fabulous Freebird.

 

And actually, GUTS Ishijima is the crappier of GUTS, Shota and Diasuke.

[DEAN]

I edited the last last two reviews just now, thus editing all of this, thus I am out of excuses if it sounds like I wrote this while having a seisure.