DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 02112016! TAKASHI SUGIURA~! MASAO ORIHARA~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 02112016!

 

And now somehow yet still more!

 

!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ GUTS WORLD WRESTLING- 1/28/2016- [RASMUSSEN]

 

This last match.

---------------------

AMIGO SUZUKI/ MASAO ORIHARA/ RYAN UPIN vs DAISUKE/ KAZUHIKO MATSUZAKI/ MASKED MYSTERY: Amigo, Orihara and Upin are the Tonpachi Machine Guns but the Tonpachi Machine Guns without Takeshi Ono is quite the Mongo Four Horsemen but we will soldier on.   According to Cagematch.net, Ryan Upin was born in Peking and knows Kung Fu!  He is also 37 years old.  And this is the first time I will have seen him.  Amigo Suzuki is one of those Ultimo Dragon trainees that has overrun Japanese indies these last 15 years.  I've seen him a hundred times (or more than likely fast forwarded over him a hundred times) but cannot recall anything about him- which is probably good.  I would LIKE to go into this as nonjudgmentally as possible, thank you.  Kazuhiko Matsuzaki is possibly the owner of GUTS World, but he is definitely exclusively GUTS World Pro, though he was part of a six man team with KAMIKAZE and frickin' Masayoshi Motegi that won an undercard match in Big Japan in 2010.  He will always have that.  I'm guessing that Big Japan and the probably 80 buck pay-out is the Japanese indie equivalent of  Wrestlemania to most of the folks on this card.  Either way, I know I've seen him as Shunme Matsuzaki because I recall mixing up his name up with Shuji Ishikawa's name, right after I first saw Ishikawa beat the fucking life out of somebody- so I remember being disappointed that he wasn't who I thought he was.  But that was my problem not his, and I will not hold my own bebafflement against him- A NEW START!  FOR ME! AND KAZUHIKO MATSUZAKI!  Daisuke is your three time GUTS World champion and he has had really good matches with Yoshino and Mr Gannesukke that I've seen, but I don't know him in this kind of setting.   Daisuke beat rookie Kazuki Kikuta on a Big Japan opening match and was part of the winning team of the twenty man falls count any where  match just last November!  Two wins in Big Japan in one day!  He is the king of the Big Japan undercards OUTSIDERS~!   Six days prior to this, he was in one of those horrendous New FMW tornado streetfights.  I assume it went something like this:

 

Onita:  Hey man.  Bear Fukuda has to close Saturday night so he can't make the match.  Can you fill in?

Daisuke:  I don't know, man.  I'd have to catch like four buses to get there.  Sheila has the car and she n Tiffany are going to the movies.

Onita:  You can't just drop her off.

Daisuke: Fuck no, man.  I don't go near that Tiffany bitch.  You remember last time...

Onita:  Oh yeah.  What the fuck is that girl's damage?  

Daisuke: No shit.

Onita:  Why does Sheila even talk to her?

Daisuke:  She's best friends with Sheila's cousin or some shit.  But yeah, fuck that bitch.

Onita:  Hey, actually, let me call Takaya Shibayama.  He's picking up HASEGAWA in his tow truck and is driving right past your street.  I'll have him pick you up.

Daisuke:  Okay.  But Soosh, I'm the fucking three time GUTS World heavyweight champion.  I'm not riding bitch and I get to be on your team.

Onita:  You got it.  Thanks Sook.

Daisuke: It'll kick fuckin ass.

 

Orihara isn't as methy and repulsive looking as he looked in his heyday.  I'm guessing he started a auto detailing business or something.  Oh who oh who is the Masked Mystery?  They just start tornado match brawling all over the place.  Kazuhiko Matsuzaki is very much not anything having to do with Shuji Ishikawa in any way.  My disappointment returns but now it is after we had WIPED THE SLATE CLEAN!   They keep double teaming Daisuke as this morphs into a regular tag match.  These Tonpachi Macine Guns are a far more ring-worm-y and grimy version of the Tonpachi Machine Guns but they do have a certain charm- as they hit their fairly elaborate triple team spots pretty well.   Masked Mystery CLEANS HOUSE~! with like 15 consecutive body slams.  He doesn't tower over anyone and is of perfectly fine build, so I don't know why he is the VADER of the face tag team.  GUTS World Pro Wrestling, by the third day of the review of this card, it is better to stop asking so many questions and plow forward to the end.  AMIRIGHT? AMIRIGHT?!?!   I think the break out 37 year old in this match is Ryan Upin.  He's scrawny and seedy and makes really great creepy faces when he is feeling the surge of heelishness wash over him as he springboards off Amigo's back onto the face of Masked Mystery!  Then they take it to the floor and they go up into the bleachers, and you finally get to see that GUTS World had a pretty turn out for this little foray into grappling.  The brawling itself is pretty shitty.  Nobody bleeds or goes through a table or flies through a section of empty chairs or takes the good-lookin technico and takes him right up to the pretty girls who are in love with him and punches him dead in the face like LA Park would do.  But it doesn't last all that long and they return to a straight up 6 man.  The TMGs do evil heel triple teams after the ref is distracted but they really don't do anything particularly violent or memorably evil.  Masked Mystery TRANSFORMS from the Vader of the faces to the Ricky Morton of the faces, as he accepts the heel triple team lowgrade beatdown. Ryan Upin is the only one whose section fills him with evil delight.  He is the keeper as he is a weasly little bastard that you really want to punch in the face.  He also bumps like a KING for Matsuzaki's scotch-laden 70's offence.  Upin is at his pinnacle when relishing the pain as he rakes Daisuke's eyes.  Daisuke is the best face, rolling around the ring and being all righteously enraged and fired up!  They drag Amigo to the corner and he will pay the price!  Masked Mystery does a particularly nasty kneedrop but the rest of the face team offense is a series sleepers.  This isn't really the Rock n Roll Xpress.  Daisuke starts beating on Amigo and has some really nice offense and sells out for the missed Frog Splash to get the evil back in the driver's seat.  Amigo is on my good side now because his first move on offense is the Ron Simmons' Catapult Of The Throat To The Bottom Rope. Daisuke sells it like his throat has been catapulted into the bottom rope.  Orihara tags in and lariat's Daisuke into Strong Style mode- as each lariat fills him with rage and FIGHTING SPIRIT!  Orihara, being Orihara, kicks him directly in the testicles and we all weep at the EVIL and the HILARITY.  But mostly the EVIL!  This sets up the Orihara Falcon Arrow and the Orihara Tombstone to allow Upin to fly off the toprope with a knee and then the Amigo lands the toprope headbutt.  BUT Daisuke shows the world that you can stomp his balls, you can falcon arrow his neck, you can tombstone his neck, you can kick him with your shin from the toprope, you can drop your head onto his shoulder from and top rope and he will still find the fighting spirit to kick out at two!  Orihara sets Daisuke up on the top turnbuckle and rakes his eyes because Orihara is awesome and a dick.  Matsuzaki rescues Daisuke and Daisuke lands a toprope Missile Dropkick for the nearfall. Daisuke hits a Falcon Arrow- the second of the match!  Two weeks ago in 2016!  Masked Mystery drops his shin across Orihara's face from the top turnbuckle and Orihara sells it like he is Dracula and the shin is sunlight.  Daisuke takes too much time getting his Fighting Spirit fired up enough to finally kill Orihara with his Roaring Elbow, THUS allowing Upin to grab his ankles from the floor when he hits the ropes and drag him to the floor. Amigo goes for the mystery mask!  The ref looks perplexed! Daisuke comes back in the ring, now TASTING HIS OWN BLOOD!  YES!  WE HAVE BLOOD!  Daisuke hits a running elbow and struggles to the top turnbuckle only to be swarmed by EVIL and allowing Orihara to hit a TRULY nasty Spider Suplex into a LEGIT IN-RING ORIHARA MOONSAULT!  For the win.  I love Daisuke because he is such a righteous, fired-up babyface who truly hates cheaters like these Tonpachi punks, but Orihara was the star of this.  His ease of performing evil is unmatched here.  Upin as his creepy little toady makes this a fun version of the Tonpachi Machine Guns.  You probably don't want to actually spend any of your time watching this match but you will probably want to watch Orihara versus Daisuke if they get around to doing that.  And Ryan Upin is awesome.       

 

 

 

~!~

Heartbreaker soul shaker

I've been told about you SINGLES GOING STEADY steamroller midnight shoulder

What they been saying must be true

~!~

 

 

NAOMICHI MARUFUJI vs TAKASHI SUGIURA- PRO WRESTLING NOAH- 1/31/2016-[RASMUSSEN]: I, like most right thinking wrestling fans, wrote off Naomichi Marufuji as boring and useless fifteen years ago.  His offense wasn't good, his matches were tedious e. t. c.  But it has been like ten years since I watched a Marufuji match with any attentiveness, maybe he has changed.  Maybe he gained weight and started laying it in.  Maybe he is the under 200 pound King of the Ricki Choshyu Strong Style Revival movement.  Maybe monkeys will fly out of Madonna's butt.  But let's hold off on the pessimism.  My 11 year is a brand new WWE fan and I just spent 75 clams on tickets to the March match at the Richmond coliseum so I must hone my optimism to a razor's edge to not come off as the shittiest smark father who ever lived.  Yeah!  They are doing stuff and this is awesome!  Better than when my dad took me to see Dick Murdo... let us move on.  I watched the first minute of this match and Sugiura brings the assbeat so hard the first minute that I immediately turned it off and waited until now to review it with NEW EYES! So now, for GHC WORLD TITLE! I shall watch this and hope that this is violent and awesome and not infuriating.  Join me as I hope against hope.  I was right there in my grandma's living room when Drew Pearson caught the Hail Mary.  My dad jumped up and hit a light fixture.  This could happen twice in a lifetime.  Today could be the day.  I love Marufuji's Ode To Jushin Thunder Liger pre-match getup.  There are asses in the seats so I am thinking that maybe I am in the minority in not wanting to ever see Marufuji wrestle ever ever ever.  Let's face facts, I'm a bit "focused" in what I like in pro wrestling.  I am pretty specific and I like some things that are off the beaten path.  But you know me, and you know what I like.  They knucklelock to begin and opt for the collar and elbow but Sugiuri takes a swing and misses when they hit the ropes and they then just start beating the total living dogshit out of each other.  Sugiura has these sores on chest, like he had a melanoma biopsy the day before the match, so they open up upon impact of Marufuji's chops and blood spews forth.  This is 45 seconds in, so I'm guessing this is going to be a match that I treasure more than I should.  Sugiura fuckin NAILS Marufuji in the teeth and Marufuji says, "That's all ya got?" and chops deeply into the blood splotch on Sugiura's chest. They kick each other in the face and then miss kicking each other in the face and returning to neutral base.  Or whatever.  They take it to the floor because it's NOAH.  They rented those guard rails and you are going to dive into them. With that out of the way, Marufuji goes back smacking Sugiura's chest into a larger wad of plasma.  He switches to kicking the blood area and then just fucking CRUSHING Sugiura's chest with chops.  This is pretty fucking great.  They do some wrestling things- trying to suplex each other in or out of the ring culminating with Sugiura doing an Angel Wings with Marufuji hanging off the apron, thus putting Sugiura in the driver seat;that begins with a rear chinlock that moves into light kicking.  This builds up to very not light forearms to the face. Marufuji's comebacks are really fucking great- as he lays it in as good as he is getting, and he is getting it pretty good.  Sugiura hits a spin kick to the stomach and thus protects the giant blood target on his chest for a minute.  As does the Body Vice.  Sugiura focuses on the stomach with forearms and it is fucking NASTY. Marufuji's stomach pain gets worse and worse when he tries a crossbody block lands on Sugiura's knee, leading to the rib-breakers.  Marufuji lands a pescada to TRANSITION himself back to offense. They do other wrestling things that all point back to Marufuji slamming his hand into the blood bespeckled area on Sugiura's chest and Sugiura answering with truly hellish forearms to the head.  It is a formula that I back one hundred percent.  Your champ has a shitty low-grade junior hvywt offense?  Let him try to use it until he realizes it doesn't work on the ass-stomper he is facing, THUS realizing that he must rise to the ass-stomper level himself.  That's just good psychology to make me want to watch a Marufuji match. It's weird.  Marufuji does ONE good-looking thing on offense, and that is chop.  Someone must have sat him down and showed him a Wahoo McDaniels match because Wahoo would fiddle around with other things during the match but the audience attention wasn't galvanized until he and Flair or Valentine would start beating the shit out of each other.  Wahoo's chops were so good that they were the psychology of the match: can he get enough in to win, or will Flair stomp his kneecap soon enough to sidetrack him.  With the added element of blood in this match, you now have a decent Wahoo match.  Can Marufuji bash enough blood out of Sugiura's chest to keep Sugiura from collapsing Marufuji's skull?  That is a question I would like to see answered- THUS you have a successful wrestling match.  And they go back to the formula- kick in the face kick in the face kick in the face kick in the face forearms crushes jaw forearms crushes jaw chop makes holes in chest bigger chops make holes in chest bigger.  You don't have get to elaborate to make a great fucking match and they are on the way. Fuck your MOVESET~!  Sugiura sells the horror of his chest and goes back to the stomach to lead to a ankle lock submission spot.  Marufuji reverses it into a very tricked-out cobra clutch series of variations which leads to a nearfall which leads to a battle for the suplex into a Marufuji dropkick.  Marufuji Sunset Flips Sugiura off the apron to the floor and does the NASTY brainbuster on the floor to the apron.  The strange property of the kinetic energy of anything happening on the apron making it 7 times worse is in full effect.   Then Marufuji chops Sugiura while they are on the apron and Sugiura responds by kicking him in the stomach while on the apron.  I love this simple formula utilizing odd variations. Like the fucking PSYCHOTIC Snap Suplex off the apron to the floor by Sugiura.  Afterwards, Sugiura sits in the corner, resting and pondering the blood coming out of his chest as the ref counts.  As Marufuji gets in the ring, Sugiura hits a Toprope Brainbuster to set up an Everest German that Marufuji avoids at first and then succumbs to for a nearfall.  So they get back to the basic premise of the match as they head for home.  Sugiura hits 5 straight forearms to the head and Marufuji hits two spinning kicks to stop the onslaught. They go back to bashing each other with forearms.  Marufuji sells the damage as they land and he sells it all the way to the ground- as the ref checks for a knockout.  Marufuji makes it to his feet and gets in a superkick to try to turn the tide as he goes for his SHUIRANUI!  But Sugiura stops him and slams his head into the top of ring post. Marufuji is in the Tree of Woe as he takes a knee to the stomach.  Sugiura goes up top and Marufuji catches him and hits a really fabulous Spanish Fly.  And then they have assorted Team Suzuki run ins which are countered at first,  to the point where Marufuji can hit a perfectly fine Shiramui.  BUT THEN Minoru Suzuki hits the ring and cradle piledrives Marufuji and mayhem is around the ring.  Sugiura hits a Spear for two and Marufuji hits a superkick and THEN THEY BUMP THE REF AGAIN!  I await powder and possibly Sugiura's girlfriend to come out with a black eye.  So anyway.  Sugiura beats on Marufuji with a chair for a while and then tries to wake up the ref.  Sugiura hits a Argentinian Driver and gets the win! Then Suzuki's entire 80 man stable storms the ring and beats on everybody in the building.  Suzuki spreads out a NOAH flag in the middle of the ring and Sugiura stands on it with the belt.  Commissioner Tunney tries to award Sugiura the NOAH Trophy but Sugiura kicks it over.  They kick Marufuji a while as you notice that Sugiura's chest looks like it has a buckshot pattern across it.  I really dug this match for the most part.  I probably didn't need Watts UWF-level booking, but that's what you got.  Who does Watts UWF-level booking in Japan? Marufuji is pissed that no one in NOAH came out to help him when Suzuki and his boys were smashing his skull.  That's fun booking.  I await the Marufuji Crowe make-up.  Problematic but you should watch it. It's very violent like you like your wrestling.  HOLY FUDGE!  I just realized that the booking of this match actually makes me give a shit about how Marufuji responds to this. It's a Valentine's day miracle!       

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3qu0ja_naomichi-marufuji-c-vs-takashi-sugiura-noah_sport

 

Tomorrow: 

BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 1/24/2016 and other stuff I said I would review.

[Curt McGirt]

Swear I saw a good Marufuji match on AXS TV last year. You might want to look back at the posts I made in that thread if it's worth the time, though it probably isn't. I mean really... it's Marufuji.

 

And I completely pulled a DEAN and wrote his name as Marifuji until I caught myself

[J.T.]

Holy shit, my favorite matches in recent memory have either been from GUTS or Lucha Underground.