Your DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE for 02092016- MR. GANNESUKKE~! TATSUHIKO YOSHINO~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 02092016!

 

And yet still more!

 

!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ GUTS WORLD WRESTLING- 1/28/2016- [RASMUSSEN]

 

I am developing an affinity for GUTS World Pro Wrestling.  The main reason is that I have been a Mr Gannesukke fan for 20 years now- but also because the top of the cards tend to be anachronistically un-indie in their style and form.  I mean, it is a Japanese indie so there is plenty of suck to go around- but it doesn't infuriate me like Dragon Gate or DDT is wont to do.  Whole fuckin card!  

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JOJI OTANI vs TOSHIYUKI SAKUDA: Joji Otani is mysterious to Cagematch.net so I will assume that he is a GUTS World trainee. Searching the Guts World results page, I can guess that he has been wrestling since last March and he is totally defeated- like many of us, but only in the ring for Joji.  Sukuda is a Big Japan rookie of whom I have watched the wrestling stylings just this last week in a Big Japan young lions card that popped up.  He was vaguely memorable in a tag match.  LET US NOW WATCH HIM SHINE!  SHINE ON, YOU CRAZY TOSHIJUKI SAKUDA! Joji wears tiny pink pants and is about the size of the largest omelette I've ever ate at Golden Corral. Sakuda works the arm and Joji reverses it.  Sakuda works the knee.  Pat O'Connor would approve of the scientific basis of the beginning of this match.  Then he would join us in falling asleep because it is the opening match between two rookies and they aren't going to do much more.  Sakuda is promising for a tiny fella who will be beaten to death by the Strong Stylists in Big Japan for a while.  He is actually effective in conveying intensity when wrenching Joji's knee, in a perfectly fine collection of knee-based spindling. Joji is all excited and fun- firing back with chops to set up his Missile dropkick nearfall.  Joji laterally suplexes Sakuda to take you right back to 1976, and procures a wee Boston Crab for a minute.  They run the ropes to set up Sakuda hitting a Spear!  Sakuda runs from corner to corner and drives his shoulder into Joji's stomach.  Sakuda is chunky but hits an athletic hurty-looking standing moonsault for two to lead into the youngsters beating each other in the respective chests.  Sakuda has decided that his offence will be based on his shoulders- as he cuts of Joji's peppy foray into coming off ropes by driving his shoulder into Joji's stomach- like another wrestler would kick them in the stomach.  Let's hear it for Sakuda- for trying to separate himself from the others, as he contemplates Yuji Okabayashi and Kohei Sato beating him to death for 10 more years.  Here's to you and GOOD LUCK!  I'll be watchin'!  It's gonna hurt!  A lot!  Sakuda sinks in the half crab and drags Joji to the middle and Joji taps out immediately.  Come on, Joji.  Where is your fuckin' fighting spirit?  They have the indie handshake, which is strange because Joji basically pussed out in this match and should scurry to the back and drive home crying like a big baby.  One can assume, because Joji towers over him, that Sakuda is- wow! Cagematch says 5'1".  Man, Hama is sooooo going to be landing on him on so many BJW undercard tag matches.  Bulk up, little fella!   

 

MICHIO KAGEYAMA vs RYOUYA AKIBA: Ryouya Akiba is a 32 year old freelancer whose cagematch.net mugshot  seems to insinuate that the only reason he is on this card is that he is obviously the GUTS World speed-dealer.  Or maybe he lets Guts Ishijima borrow his tow truck on his nights off.  Either way, you and I are excited to see his karate-based stylings. Michio Kageyama is unknown to the Cagematch but has been pocking the GUTS World undercard since 2013.  Akiba is truly scrawny and Michio towers over him and outweighs him by 60ish pounds.  Can Karate close the size gap?  Well a dropkick can! Akiba does really elaborate kicks- like he is a lizard trying to make his enemy think that is larger than he actually is. Being MugaGUTS, he quickly procures a chinlock and Michio Kageyama powers out to begin kicking and bodyslamming him for a early nearfall.  After a few cursory kicks to the back, Kageyama starts working the arm and then starts pounding on him in the corner.  Wee Akiba does these shitty forearms and Kageyama just answers with kicks to the chest and stomping on his back, topping it off with a half crab.  They do the half crab finish from the last match- but Akiba is scrawny but not a big giant pussy, so he makes the ropes.  Akiba counters a suplex into his own suplex and the KARATE KICKS BEGIN!  Awwww, they begin to look like shit.  Akiba is all spunky like a face should be and Kageyama is all heelish and Second Match Dick-like as you would want, thus Akiba has the crowd behind him and he is totes lovable!- but man does his offense look hilariously non-hurtful.  He does hit a missile dropkick for the nearfall! Kageyama fights off being shot into the ropes and drives Akiba's shoulder into the mat, floating over to clamp on the Rings of Saturn for the win.  And I have watched the two opening matches on a GUTS World card. I will always have that and NOBODY else not in the Shin-Kiba 1st Ring in Tokyo on January 28th, 2016 can say that.  I am 2 blessed 2 B stressed.        

 

MANAMI KANDA vs DRAKE MORIMATSU: Allright, I remember Drake Morimatsu from late 90's JPW or maybe J'd?  I'll check.  It won't seems as long because I'll stop typing right now and the gap in time will be filled by you reading this after I start typing again! Oh man, she was in FMW and J'd.  She's been wrestling 26 years and is 45 years old.  I'm sure there is a very disturbing independent movie to be made about the reasons why she has only wrestled 5 times between 1999 and 2014.  Whatever the reasons, she has been pretty active the last two years.  Kanda is 21, was trained by TAKA Michinoku and her first match was in the promotion SECRET BASE tagging with Space Galaxy Warrior Andros.  Man, I gotta watch some Secret Base.  This is her 60th match since debut in June 2014.  Ohhh man, let's watch this.  Kanda is a bigger though very much a not taller gal so maybe this will awesome.  Drake has a baseball bat.  They lock-up and all I can think about is that Drake was trained by Tarzan Goto.  And I'm wondering how she didn't get roped into being on any of the new FMW cards. This your basic old bigger mean lady against younger less mean less bigger lady styled match. Neither are really laying it in or using their matronly pudge to any interesting advantage, so I can't pay too much attention to this.  Drake does a standing stomach claw and that is the pinnacle of this match to this point. Kanda does look impressive charging into the corner.  She also misses a splash off the second rope that her girth would have forced the viewer to contemplate the carnage of the impact- thus the advantage of your girthier wrestlers. Drake cheats by whacking her with a bat and they brawl through the crowd a bit- leading up to some chairshots of a very third match magnitude, which leads up to some perfectly fine lariats. Drake goes up for a Northern Lights Suplex and her skull gets crushed by her own unwieldiness- but I have to respect her desire to be a pro and try a few things a lady her age and size should probably avoid.  This is really feeling like a match you would see at the county fair.  Not the state fair.  Drake hits clothelines for two and Michinoku Driver for the win and YES!  I have now watched the first three matches of a GUTS World card.  Kanda could evolve into something fun.              

 

GUTS ISHIJIMA/ MR. GANNOSUKE vs TARO YAMADA/ TATSUHIKO YOSHINO:  Halfway there, bitch! Taro Yamada is (according to the delightful and thorough cagematch.net) from the 666 Promotion. He also wrestles in Pro Wrestling Secret Base, HEAT UP, and was actually pulverized by Daisuke Sekimoto on a Big Japan card last year (the show was hilariously or possibly cruelly nicknamed "You'll Never Find a Rainbow If You Are Looking Down"). Yoshino was in a match in Big Japan that I reviewed why! just last week here: http://deathvalleydriver.com/forum/index.php?/topic/4619-death-valley-driverette-02042016-neo-muga-kazuki-hashimoto-hideyoshi-kamitani/ This is the second time I've seen Guts Ishijima and he still as mysterious as the last time I saw him.  He is still pretty much exclusive property of GUTS World so I still assume he owns the ring and the promotion (or is Mr. Gannesukke's hair stylist or something.)  Anyway, Gannesukke is fucking awesome so let it roll.  Taro Yamada is not attractive.  One can only hope that ladies go for his plastic/leather goth apparel and spunky fighting spirit.  Hey, Kageyama is part of the Gannesukke/Ishijima stable (thus explaining the nise-Gannesukke appearance- or the possibilty that he is the actual bastard son of Mr Gannesukke.  Talk about great independent film ideas.) Anyway, Gannesukke and Yoshino start off the proceedings with headlocks, armdrags, armbars- what you would expect from the upper echelon of this greasier version of MUGA.  Yamada and then Yoshino do a lot of really fast tagteam moves to take down the lurching fatman that is Guts Ishijima- as Guts resembles Japan's Premiere Tor Johnson Impersonator. Except not quite as agile as Tor Johnson.  He will smack you really hard so I'm not really complaining- and when he and Gannesukke double shoulderblock Yamada, Yamada looks like has been hit by a truck.  They throw him to the floor and Kageyama lays it in on Yamada in direct opposition to his stiffness level two matches prior. After he is thrown back into the ring, Gannessukke switches into the Dradition and sinks in a head scissors.  Guts tags in and does nice headbutts while stumbling around the ring like a total galoot.  Gannesukke tags in and applies a sleeper that Yamada jawbreakers out of only to have it reversed into a Gannesukke head scissors. Guts tags in and beats on him some more until Yamada does a really slick Ric Flair spin over the turnbuckle to hit a missile dropkick off the ropes to make the hot tag.  Yoshino gets in a few kicks and a DDT to set-up a Half Crab (your GUTS World opening submission hold of the night.)  Gannessuke hits the ropes and gets in a 1998 FMW-level Gannessuke Dangerous Backdrop and you and I weep the tears of remembrance.  Guts tags in a really hurty corner lariat and then takes a rana like a fat who man who didn't just stumble all over the ring prior like a rhinoceras that was just feeling the effect of a tranquilizer dart.  Yamada tags in and does a Sabu Inside moonsault for two. Luckily, Yamada tries a not-really-all-that-tricky Lucha roll-up and Guts is REALLY feeling the rhino tranquilizer as he fails to achieve the Forward Roll.  Jillion stars.  He does redeem himself by just fucking KILLING Yamada with a lariat.  SO yeah, Taro Yamada- not good-lookin' but will lean into your lariat like a fucking CHAMP.  He is beaten into my heart. JEEEZEUZ FRICKIN JIMINY.  Gannesukke decides that no one gets to have a more hellish lariat than he and he proceeds to just fucking annihilate Yoshino.  Yoshino was already beaten into my heart.  Now he skyrocketing into my Skeezy Indie Top Ten. They Superbomb Yoshino for two and then Gannesukke Released Thunder Fire Powerbombs him until Yamada makes the save and they go on offense with a double dropkick and QUEBRADA~! by Yamada to set-up the Yoshino Falcon Arrow.  As GUTS World really does lose all MUGA-ness as the match starts to wind up.  But I can't complain because I could watch Gannessuke suplex people all day and they are doing all FMW finishers, to my delight.  Yamada kinda barrel rolls into Guts on the floor, hitting him in the lower mid-section- which is odd because if there was ever a human mattress to land on, Guts' giant flabbiness would be the wrestling landing Quilt-a-pedic of choice.  This allows Yoshino and Gannesukke to fly all over the ring until Gannesukke rolls up Yoshino in that roll-up thing that Miguel Perez Jr used to always use.  This match was PROBABLY not a legit match of the year, but there is just so much to love in this- both good (Gannesukke, a lot of Yamada and Yoshino) and bad (as in hilarious, as in Guts Ishijima trying to do lucha libre moves.)  I am glad I watched it.    

 

 

KENICHIRO ARAI/SHOTA vs KEIZO MATSUDA/ YUJI KITO:  Coming up.

AMIGO SUZUKI/ MASAO ORIHARA/ RYAN UPIN vs DAISUKE/ KAZUHIKO MATSUZAKI/ MASKED MYSTERY: Coming Up

 

 

 

~!~

It's a warning in every tongue

Gotta stop them SINGLES GOING STEADY crazy horses on the run

What a show, there they go smoking up the sky, yeah!

~!~

 

 

NAOMICHI MARUFUJI vs TAKASHI SUGIURA- PRO WRESTLING NOAH- 1/31/2016-[RASMUSSEN]: I sworn I will review this tomorrow.  Thursday MAX!

 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3qu0ja_naomichi-marufuji-c-vs-takashi-sugiura-noah_sport

 

Tomorrow: What he said.

[J.T.]

That Gannesuke match was sick!  I have always been a huge mark.

[RIPPA]

I only noticed now - as I work on the html - that Dean didn't come remotely close to spelling Mr Gannosuke's name right

[J.H.]

Wait, when did Gannosuke come out of retirement?

 

James

[Sawada's Cobra]

Dean you do NOT want to watch Secret Base, this comes from a guy who paid the money for some of their commercial DVD-R releases. Oh and Drake was from JD, she got blacklisted for being involved with that porno movie that featured a former JD idol wrestlers. From what I remember she wasn't actually blacklisted for just being involved in it, but due to the fact they used the JD ring.

 

Need to watch that Gut's World show just for Gannosuke.