The "This is How Not to Cut a Fucking Promo" Thread - New Board Edition

[matwarz]

On 8/30/2020 at 2:53 PM, nate said:

Well, now that I think about it, the group was originally labeled by Hogan as the "New World Organization" on that fateful night, only later was that promo rubbed to say "Order", so it is different.

Close. He called it the new world order right off the bat but flubbed it later in the promo and called it the new world organisation 

[BloodyChamp]

I distinctly remember a Mike Rotunda promo from CWF that was alltime bad, and at the end of it he threw his hands up and said something just far enough away from the mic so we couldn’t hear it. I’ll have to see if I can find it. 

Edited April 22, 2022 by BloodyChamp

[The Great ML]

I truly wish video existed of the infamous Snuka promo from Hawaii on Jerry Lawler...

[SirSmUgly]

On 4/23/2022 at 7:14 PM, The Great ML said:

I truly wish video existed of the infamous Snuka promo from Hawaii on Jerry Lawler...

Hell, I just C+P'd the transcript from TV Tropes's quotes page for Jimmy Snuka. Quoted for length. You can just read this idiosyncratic promo and imagine it in Snuka's voice, and it's just as authentic. Ripper Collins doesn't do well for himself, either. 

Quote

..RIPPER COLLINS: OK wrestling fans, this is Ripper Collins. And in the 6000 years there has been wrestling around the world, every country has known its great

 

(long pause)

 

and its greatest. We've had people like Lou Thesz to represent the world's heavyweight championship; we've had Harley Race; great people, great wrestlers go all the way back centuries ago. And we're very lucky now to have among us probably the greatest wrestling star ever, because when you mention his name anywhere in the world—-and I do mean anywhere in the world—-they all come up with one fantastic person: the one, the only, the Superfly, Jimmy Snuka. The fantastic star

 

(long pause)

 

of the world of wrestling. The man who flies through the air

 

(pause)

 

from the top rope

 

(pause)

 

from 15 feet atop a cage onto his opponent. This is the one, the only, the great, Jimmy Superfly Snuka. It's my honor.

 

SNUKA: Thank you Ripper, ladies and gentlemen, you wonderful people out there in TV-land. Ripper, I appreciate the compliments you just gave to these people out there. Now you know Ripper, as we go along, and standing here before you ladies and gentlemen, all you people out there: the Hawaiians, the Samoans, the Fijans, the Tongans, the Filipinos and you name it as we go along down the line.

 

You know, Ripper, I've just been standing out here brother, listenin' to you mentioning about all these greatest wrestlers in the past, but nowadays we talkin' about today, tomorrow, and further on. You know, Ripper, there's a lot of people that comes out and stands before this camera and talk.

 

(EXTREMELY long pause)

 

You have to realize and know exactly and put it down to a point, to a view, to make sure that you people out there understand exactly what we pointing exactly to you.

 

Now Ripper...now I know brother, there's a lot of things in everybody's mind wondering what's going on in this world. Well, ladies and gentlemen, only you people can realize and understand one thing, to be paying attention is the only way to know what's going on. Now, Ripper Collins, you know there's a lot of things going on in this world, but there's a lot going on in professional wrestling! And professional wrestling is the name of the sport, there it is only one of its kind.

 

Now Ripper, there's been a lot of men that's been coming out of the United States, come flying into Honolulu, Hawaii. Why? Because all the professional wrestlers around the world, you name it, around San Francisco—-which I'm looking forward to come there—-even down all over the coast. Man, you name it, everybody is looking forward to come right here to Hawaii because they know Hawaii is the beautiful paradise of one of the South Pacific islands. You don't even name the Samoan islands, which is one of the prettiest of the South Pacific; the Tongan islands which is the South Pacific; the Fijan islands, which is another paradise of all the South Pacific islands. You name all these wrestlers that come here from all over the world; you name it we got it. And standing here right before you I am one of the Polynesians that represents all the Polynesian islands.

 

Ripper Collins, we go back in your time brother, that you are one of the greatest and still is. But ladies and gentlemen, you name it, we got it; but there is only one thing that I just like to know deep down in my heart: what is going on here? I want to know. I have to know. Because that's the only way to find out who's got what and who's got who.

 

Now the most important thing to everyone in professional wrestling, Ripper Collins, is challenging and getting into the ringcircle. Because for one thing everybody is challenging each other for one thing...for one thing, and what that one thing is Ripper Collins, and that's titles. Titles are all over the world, you name the titles that's 'round the world, it might be too much. But let me tell you one thing, it only take faith and confidence to get inside to that ringcircle wherever you at and fight. If it's here in Hawaii, which is so important and so special to me. Hawaiian Islands is what we represent; I represent the Polynesian islands, and if anybody think in their mind that they could come from the mainland, here to my part of my country, and think that they can come and try to demolish the Polynesian islands and and try to take away what they think that does not belong to them—-what belongs to us is what we gotta keep in the Hawaiian Islands. Ho-hano, brother.

 

(about two minutes later, during the next match):

 

RIPPER COLLINS (attempting the save): I wanna tell the fans, Snuka was talking on his interview there, and in plain simple English what he was telling the whole world is: Jerry Lawler, you're coming to my Hawaii, to my Polynesian land, and I'm going to kick you from post to post and pillar to pillar and take that belt back.

 

[thee Reverend Axl Future]

I will reiterate my rant again, since I think the last time we did this was on the old board, but the only reason that that Snuka promo exists in the interWebs is due to thee dynamic and personable Larry & Leslie from (the late great) CARBON 14 magazine transcribing it for their piece in the very first issue of my 'zine CLAW HOLD! (Thee Special Crimson Mask Edition). Someone else threw it on the web and it has bounced around ever since. There must be footage of it since they had it to watch and learn from. There were a couple of other things I feel free to trace back to CH!, including the taxonomy of Thee Poison Mist (from #2, the Deadly Poison Mist Issue, natch) by Yours Truly, that appear uncredited in the digital world... It is amusing to see this stuff float back years later but I must also be the voice for the voiceless, love ya Mr. & Mrs. Kay.

[ka-to]

The Snuka phrases "the truthness in my heart bruddah" and "American Square Garden" are still used by me and my friends. 

[thee Reverend Axl Future]

I use "ringcircle" for special occasions.

[BloodyChamp]

Did any of these commercial promos ever actually work? I would say that’s one way not to cut a promo. There were probably some successful ones in the WWF that I never knew about but every one I ever seen should have just said this guy will be a jobber in a few months. 

[Elsalvajeloco]

So, so bad.

[SirSmUgly]

5 hours ago, Elsalvajeloco said:

So, so bad.

That's so bad, it's good. Man, that is elite wrestling hokiness. Paul Bearer-esque over-emoting and over-enunciating nonsense from Gullen there.

[worldcupfever]

On 11/26/2022 at 12:35 PM, Elsalvajeloco said:

So, so bad.

If only we had learned the story of Yomamba.

[Just Dave]

13 hours ago, worldcupfever said:

If only we had learned the story of Yomamba.

I heard she was so fat her belt size was equator...

[The Great ML]

The best part is the final frame with Budro and Wildfire laughing…

[BloodyChamp]

That had to be from that series of cheesy tapes they released. I used to have that whole set but I don’t remember that guy at all so maybe I’m wrong.

I was watching it and as the first promo went on I thought, eh, it’s actually pretty normal stuff. Then that second promo hit lol! 

[Elsalvajeloco]

Oh my god, Larry Santo knowing this is his one and only opportunity to talk in his career on television cuts the most southern fried, generic rasslin promo that's it is awesomely bad. What makes it even better is Chris Candido, who obviously isn't a promo guy, knows we're about to have a terrible promo visited upon us and makes the requisite and most situation appropriate facial expressions as such.