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Ah man, Savage Weekend is awesome. I rented that a couple times as a kid yet the only thing that still stands out in my mind is the gay dude whooping ass in the bar. I really need to see this one again as an adult. 

EDIT: Dailymotion, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. 

EDIT II: OH SHIT! The bar scene is still awesome. "I wasn't brought up in the South Bronx for nothin'" hahahahaha

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Yeah, I was going to say, Piranesi really undersold the greatness of that scene. That dude walking into the bar as flamboyantly as one could walk into a bar, one of the locals asking the other “what the hell is THAT??”, and then him just whipping that ass was a highlight of that movie. And yeah, William Sanderson before he was E.B. Farnum in Deadwood is fantastic and creepy in a dead-behind-the-eyes way.

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I may have undersold that scene. I may also have undersold the scene where David Gale, the headless old man Dr. from Re-Animator holds hands with a lady while they mastrubate a cow tit and then smears milk all over both of them as a form of seduction.

 

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Redneck: "Yeah, I got somethin for you"

Gay dude: "I bet it's that little thing your momma sucks on before she tucks you into bed at night"

*ass whipping commences*

I'll finish it after work tonight and give more thoughts. So far a nice, slow burn with some nasty moments already (a branding, a fish hook caught in a guy's foot... ugh) and lots of neurotic bickering. 

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Well, it was pretty good. Like piranesi said, the kills are giallo-esque and both David Gale and William Sanderson are effectively creepy. After awhile though you just get tired of waiting for these rich, horny assholes to get offed. There's a lot of nudity which is probably why I rented it more than once, haha. I also liked

Spoiler

the killer not being one of the red herrings and his insane monologue with bulging eyes and gritted teeth. "WE HAD THE POWER"

 

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It's way too late to watch all of this and write it up, but I feel compelled to let you all know about something called VIRTUAL COMBAT (1995)

 

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It has everything in it you could ever possibly want in a terrible mid-90s virtual reality dystopian cyborg martial arts sex buddy robocop "grid-runner" evil-coporate-CEO-who-literally-plays-the-organ-in-his-office Don-The-Dragon-Wilson-is-in-This movie where the lead villain wears a Mortal combat mask and is Michael Dorn's voice grafted onto a Fabio guys body movie that also somehow has Rip Taylor in it.

Just please find and watch this. IT is the most 1995 thing I've ever seen and I didn't know how much I needed that much 1995 until I had it in front of me.

It is directed by a guy named Andrew Stevens who was a go-to slezeball in the 70s 80s who was big enough to play the killer in one of the 2nd tier ABC Columbos.  But he also directed this:
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a movie that Gilbert Godfried brings up often as his most embarrassing credit....and that is from the guy who counts PROBLEM CHILD 2 as one of his most prestigious credits.

So this film has basically a royal pedigree. But it is also 2:30 a.m. and I just can't do this now.  Suffice to say that the plot revolves around a scientist using a tank of green goo to turn virtual reality programs into fully formed conscious human beings by typing "create life" into "the mainframe." So far, Michael Dorn's voice (coming through Fabio guy's body) has said "the mainframe" six times, using it to refer to a computer server, a city electric grid, a building, and a security system. When Michael Dorn's voice is there the Fabio guy's mouth doesn't move but he patomimes "speaking" by waving his arms around like Bobbie Roode. Also he's dressed like an extreme magician.

DanteGretaVC.jpg

They just introduced something called "cyberplasmic" theory, which I'm certain is totally a real thing and which as far as I can tell means naked ladies emerging from goop while a guy types in Lotus 1-2-3. It also means that a clone/cyborg/virtualrality dominatrix named Greta just whipped a guys balls off with a literal bullwhip.

You remember 1995 don't you? Everything was mainframes and bullwhips in 1995.

It also has those neck things that will make your head explode if you try to escape.  It has an annoyed black police captain warning someone that they're out of control. It has people called "Grid runners" who are just like Blade runners who chase "A lifers" except they are 70% less Harrison Ford and 70% more Don The Dragon Wilson and "A lifers" are 80% less Rutger Hauer and 80% more this guy:

image-w384.jpg I am not kidding this is an actual guy!

 

. And Don "The Dragon" WIlson teaches a sex cyborg (sorry, "A lifer") to understand her own will and embrace her own desires. Like, she starts trying to seduce him because that's her programming and he says "No, you shouldn't want what men want. You should want what you want."  which is a nice message. And then they immediately fuck anyway just like they were originally gonna because obviously now that she knows what she wants, she wants to fuck Don the Dragon Wilson whereas before she wanted to fuck Don the Dragon Wilson because she thought he wanted her to want to fuck him.  So that all checks out SJWs.

Also they do this in the bathroom of a homeless shelter. It's pretty hot.

Guys so far this movie is stellar. Wait how did the virtual sex cyborg learn martial arts? Did she downloard that from the mainrframe?  

yes. Yes, it turns out she did.

Oh and they all have those pew pew lasers that you hold like a calculator and giant flip video phones that are roughly the sizeof a powerbook.

Also this is a line from the movie: "You're not a computer program anymore!"

DON TEH DRAGON WILSON JUST SHOT A HELICOPTR WITH A A REVOLVER AND IT BLEW THE FUCK UP IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE THT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU AIM A BULLET RIGHT AT LIKE THE FUEL TANK OR SOMTHING!!!!

HOLY SHIT THEY ARE IN THE MAINFRAME!!!! I CANNOT HANLDE THIS!!!!! I don't want to spoil this for you. But if you worried that they would not end up fighting in the mainframe I can assure you that the screen literally just had a subtitle saying "Mainframe control room" THEY ARE LITERALLY IN THE MAINFRAM!!!!!!

 

I know I'm still right in the middle of this but I have to give it a solid five Fabio guys in store-bought Mortal Combat masks out of five. THIS IS THE HIGHEST RATING I HAVE EVER GIVEN!!!!:
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LATE CORRECTION: I am deducting one Fabio guys in store-bought Mortal Combat mask because after defeating the evil cyborg virtual computer game villain, Don the Dragon Wilson's big one liner was:

Spoiler

"Game over."

And that is just fucking bullshit. He could have said "Looks like the mainframe is offline." or "Looks like the mainframe is offline, bitch." or something like that. Or even "Next time you corporealzie through Cyberplasmetrics, try to remember to download a shirt, yu greased up Criss Angel looking motherfucker." Or anything better than what he said. I mean, they had the whole shoot to think of something. How about "Looks like someone's 1000 hours of AOL just expired." or "Next time make sure know one picks up the phone while you're waiting for real player to update codecs, punk ass."

ANYTHING! Other than that, it was great though.

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It took me all week but I finally got through Pieces again. Talk about grindhouse! This piece of shit has:

- A kid chopping up his mom with an axe when she finds him working a jigsaw puzzle of a naked woman

- A surly janitor that when confronted with police immediately starts beating them up

- Rooms with a total of at least three doors apiece where one is invariably locked and has to be beaten on by a desperate victim

- A waterbed that shows up out of nowhere and has someone stabbed to death on it

- Gratuitous Christopher George who at one point tells his cop partner working on files to "take some uppers"

- Gratuitous Linda Day George who screams "BASTARD! BASTARD! ... BASTARD!" after seeing a chopped in half co-ed

- A scene where a kung-fu professor (?!) attacks Linda with kung-fu and then promptly collapses; after he wakes up he blames it on "bad chop suey"

- Gobs and gobs of gore plus a lot of full-frontal female AND male nudity

And then there's the end

Spoiler

They figure out the Dean of the college is the chainsaw killer. He is busy talking to Linda and slips a paralyzing agent (!) into her coffee so he can cut her legs off. They shoot him in the head and (surprise!) find his collection of limbs sewn together to form a body behind a bookcase. Then for a final shock the makeshift cadaver COMES BACK TO LIFE AND TEARS A DUDE'S JUNK OFF THROUGH HIS JEANS

This sounds like a bunch of fun and it kinda is if you can sit through the dull-as-dishwater red herrings and police procedural shit. My advice is whenever Christopher George is on the screen, lean on the fast forward. You might make it through without having to climb it like a mountain as I did. 

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Yes, it indeed is exactly what you think it is

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Tonight on B Movie TV they showed THE REJUVENATOR (AKA REJUVENATRIX) (1988):

You may have seen the VHS box back in the day:

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It seems like it was everywhere.


This is a fantastic little gem. The mood/effects/campiness may not be as masterful as RE-ANIMATOR, but for an almost unknown movie made on a $230,000 budget (compared with RE-ANIMATOR'S $2 million) it is both engaging and witty and at times gross and creepy enough to be on anyone's list of genre favorites.  Honestly, it should be a bigger cult movie than it is.

It is basically a cross up of RE-ANIMATOR, A Hammer movie, Roger Corman's THE WASP WOMAN, and SUNSET BLVD.  It's that last bit that makes all the difference, giving us characters that have depth in part because they are stolen from Billy Wilder.

Imagine instead of hiring William Holden to write a movie for her, Norma Desmond (SUNSET BLVD.) hired Herbert West (RE-ANIMATOR) to make her young again. Imagine it works but the side effects turn her into a monster (THE WASP WOMAN) without constant infusions of a serum that is unstable and impossible to to satbilize without killing people for fresh bodies (every Hammer movie).

Since the characters are all stolen from great writers, they are all great.  The Sunset Blvd. angle makes the Norma Desmond character perfectly likable at first as first a bitter snarky old lady (played by the always hilarious Jessica Dublin from TROMA fame)

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and later a young naive manic fool (I also kind of retconned that the treatment made her deliriously euphoric explaining some of her sudden shifts of mood).

The Dr. is both a tortured, belittled genius who is not respected, but also a vulnerable middle-aged man who is in love with the old bat and even more in love with her when she is young again and immediately reject balding doughy David Straithairn-lookin ass self.

She even has an Eric Von Stroheim style servant who used to be "with her" and now is afraid that since he is still an old man and she is young again she will reject him.  She doesn't and their relationship is quite lovely.

None of them are outright evil. Just misguided and lost in their individual passions and they are all perfectly likable in their own ways.

The jerky head Dr. guy who wants to shut the project down is deliciously played as well. His scenes antagonizing the lead Dr. come off like shoddy versions of Lee/Cushing. But a second rate Lee/Cushing scene is better than what one usually gets in something like this.

What all this means is that all the inevitable down scenes in a super cheap movie are actually entertaining because the characters all have depth enough to hold your interest.  

The monster effects are in turns hilarious and gross/convincing. The most hilarious being an adorable rat muppet that is supposed to be a mosnter and the best being the first time the lead lady falls from young back into monster (in part because her voice is so scary and she sreams in a really terrifying way).

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But are always kept dissapointingly short. Budget seems to require she keeps monstering and then changing back and so things like a scene where she goes dancing and transforms on the dance floor which in a bigger budgeted movie could have been FRIGHT NIGHT level classic are just kind of quick and blurry. They're not quite good enough to qualify as Cronenberg body horror, but that is what they aspire to and for 320 grand...they're not bad

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And the ending is a bit of a let down in terms of size/scope.  

But overall, this is a lovely little piece of late 80s indie Lovecraftian goofiness that is filled with Hammer touches (lots of bubbling brains and nasty grave-robbers). It belongs at least up there with something like BASKET CASE or DOLLS if not at the level of RE-ANIMATOR.

I give it a solid three homeless dudes about to get brain juice sucked by an old lady he saw in a movie 30 years ago who is now much younger but also a monster out of a possible three

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One day I will post my never released Movie Feast review of Cyberzone / Droid Gunner (1995) in this thread and share my shock and surprise at the discovery that Matthias Hues can actually play a decent good guy.

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6 hours ago, J.T. said:

One day I will post my never released Movie Feast review of Cyberzone / Droid Gunner (1995) in this thread and share my shock and surprise at the discovery that Matthias Hues can actually play a decent good guy.

I have questions about DROID GUNNER. From my dumb blog:

 

Seriously, a quick diversion into some of the later works of Robert Quarry…just choosing two at random and pasting here their IMDB summaries with a few editorial comments:

DROID GUNNER:

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Apparently this is one of those movies so amazing that they decided to change the name at some point to CYBERZONE, which is a name that will be forever timeless and never at all seem dated.  Good call, guys.


“In the future [of course], the threat of global takeover by cyborg units [natch] has forced Earth to outlaw their use. But when four female androids [sexy!] are smuggled to Earth [from??? This is the first mention that there are other inhabited planets in the universe….maybe open with that?  that’s kind of a big deal], Jack Ford [Jack F%cking Ford!] is assigned to track them down. An adventurous chase [don’t promise what you can’t deliver!] takes him from the mean streets of Phoenix [the what now?] to the depths of New Angeles, an underwater city, and into the diabolical clutches of a maniacal kingpin and his criminal army.

All you need to know about this movie is that is stars Marc Singer.  So, it is glorious.  But I’m still not sure if the title means he is a droid who guns, if he guns down droids, or if all of that is euphemism for “Marc Singer f4cks a shit-ton of droid chicks in this movie.”  Thank God the Cyberzone revision settled that issue.

But that summary is nothing compared to this, the most amazingly vaguely nuanced summary I’ve ever read:

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  • 2 months later...
1 minute ago, Curt McGirt said:

Yeah, same here; after watching The Chinese Boxer last night I want all of them on like a 20 pack DVD collection like the crappy ones you get at Walmart or Best Buy. No features, don't care, just the movies. 

What Curt said.

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I've got a sweet one called Gore and More that has the following: 

Spoiler

Bad Taste
A group of aliens land in a small New Zealand town and wipe out most of the population. Aliens from an intergalactic fast food chain are looking for new menu items and human flesh appears to ne the next specialty. 
Peter Jackson (1988) Color 90Minutes Unrated

The Bloody Brood
A man begins to investigate on his own the death of his brother, who died from eating a hamburger laced with ground glass. With the police case stalled because of ineptness, the man's own investigation leads him toward trouble. 
Peter Falk (1959) B&W 65 Minutes Unrated

Drive-In Massacre
Two police detectives investigate a series of murders at a Texas drive-in theater. Someone has been murdering movie patrons. 
Jake Barnes (1974) Color 74 Minutes R

Don't Look In The Basement
A new nurse arrives to begin work at a mental hospital only to discover that the head doctor has been murdered by one of the patients and a new doctor is in charge. 
Rosie Holotik (1973) Color 92 Minutes R

Driller Killer
A struggling artist finishes his masterpiece. His art dealer laughs at his work. The artist snaps and begins killing people using a large power drill as his weapon of choice. 
Abel Ferrara (1979) Color 96 Minutes Unrated

Night Train To Terror
Three chilling tales of terror are presented to you by your hosts "God" and "Satan" as they travel the rails on a train to nowhere, discussing the fate of the featured characters in each story. 
John Peter Law (1985) Color 93 Minutes R

The Pyx
A Montreal police detective (Christopher Plummer) is working on the case of a prostitute found brutally murdered. The detective is led to believe that the woman was the victim of a Satanic cult's ritual. 
Karen Black (1973) Color 108 Minutes R

Scream Bloody Murder
A young man kills his own father and is subsequently sent to a mental institution. Upon his release, he returns home to discover his mother has remarried and, after growing to dislike his new step-father, murders the gentleman as well as his own mother. 
Fred Holbert (1975) Color 90 Minutes R

Werewolf In A Girl's Dormitory
At a school for wayward girls, a series of mysterious attacks have plagued the campus. The victims all appear to have been attacked by a vicious animal. 
Barbara Lass (1962) B&W 83 Minutes Unrated

The Werewolf Vs. Vampire Women
A werewolf is brought back to life and then heads off to the countryside in search of a safe haven and also prey. 
Paul Naschy (1971) Color 86 Minutes R

For some reason I haven't watched Don't Look In the Basement or Night Train to Terror yet after all the years I've had it. Need to fix that...

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