DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 0813/2015! IF U DNT LK HNMA, GO FCK YRSLF.

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 08132015!  

More of the wrestling watching as the gimmick kinda morphs into Singles Going Steady, but with numbering!  FUCK YEAH! NUMBERS, DADDY! 

~!~

I GOTTA WATCH THIS MATCH ANYWAY.

3.) TOMOAKI HONMA vs TOMOHIRO ISHII- NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 8/12/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:  Today I take a swing at clearing out some matches on my dailymotion Watch Later list.  This is from yesterday's G-1 Climax and it is a sequel to a pretty boss match from earlier this year.  These two guys operate at about the same level on the card and it's always fun when they try to show which guy is The Best Guy Who Is Good At Making The Guy We Are Actually Pushing Look Good.  Here, in New Japan, YOU are in shock as they do a Strong Style opening!  THE STRONG STYLE! RIGHT HERE I NEW JAPAN!  IT'S FINALLY HERE!  Shoulder blocks for as far as the eye can see!  Lariat competitions of epic proportions!  Wistful memories of a thousand Scott Norton/Hiroshi Hase matches!  This has ridiculous headbutts by Ishiii early- as a taunt I assume because Honma makes with the headbutts quite often- and Ishii also really lays in a few chops before settling into a 1/4 Eudy chinlock that he TRANSFORMS into a Beyond Syd Eudy Chinlock by driving his forearm and crossfacing into Honma's eyes.  It is little things like that makes Ishii so lovable and this is two days in a row that the crossface has amade a normal wrestling hold almost spectacular- yesterday's being Ludark Shaitan creating a heel version of the ten-count punches in the corner by replacing the ten punches with one really long crossface across the eyes and nose.  When I see that, I am reminded of the whoever the GENIUS was that first thought to dropkick someone while in a Giant Swing- so basic yet made a dopey move really fucking great.  Ishii returns the headbutt to the equation- and actually, Ishii does the Strong Style headbutt which is the BattlARTS headbutt which looks totally fucking nasty and real.  Honma does the pro style headbutt which is more like a in-ring tope, thus Ishii isn't really taunting Honma, it's two different styles.   Ishii is complaining to the ref that Honma is a big fuckin pussy because Honma is laying on the mat trying to remember who he is and why he is in a ring with a maniac.  Then Ishii beats on him some more and then he kinda just lightly kicks him in the head (like Koji Kanemoto used to always do back when we were all in love with New Japan Juniors) as Honma once again lies on the ground, baffled, terrified, out-of-sorts.  They do this for a littel while until they finally get back to a vertical base and the psychological section of Ishii proving that he just lords over this punk eases into the active section where Honma now must move on from his position as Ishii's bitch- onward into the future of what he be frrom this moment on!  (I added this after watching the match because the psychology of this whole section makes so much more sense in hindsight)  They fight for a suplex- Ishii loses the struggle but then he completely sandbags Honma-  forcing Honma to legit power him up and thus hit the awesome totally legit EVEREST Brainbuster!  Then Honma comes around to the GRAVITY of this match, realizing that he can eaither be a punk-ass also-ran and Ishii's eternal BITCH or he can slowly let it sink in that there is a real measure of urgency to his effort in this match!  (More post-match hindsight insight.)  Honma slowly starts working stiffer and stiffer until he is really driving the forearms into Ishii's head.  And then Ishii- totally over having to once again keep this motherfucker in his place- responds by just fucking slaughterizing Honma with forearms.  Ishii hits a non-Everest Brainbuster and Honma no-sells it to run into a Released German as Honma is filled with urgency but not with all the same skills and talent to match!.  They very violently chop each other and lariat each other to set up the both of the fucking MOTHERFUCKING fucking MOTHERFUCKING  KILLING each other with chops- and the people who like pro wrestling would like this match- this part anyway.  The chopping goes on for a while to the point where they actually start selling it, which where I like the Big Japan version of this spot more.  They don't have the Kobashi-Sasaki baggage to work through and can get straight to the Chops Actually Affect Me part as opposed to the We Mush Get In 125 Chops Because That Is The Baseline Of  Our Version Of Strong Style.  Finally, Ishiii gets him good one time into the throat and Honma hits the mat agony (And one assumes from the postmatch that Ishii really did get him one really good right on the trachea).  Ishii drags him up and chops him across the throat again- to your delight.  They go up top and Ishii hits the fucking BEAUTIFUL Toprope Brainbuster.  They do some things to put some distance between Honma taking a toprope braingbuster and Honma going on offense, which I guess is long enough if you can get past the fact that a Toprope Brainbuster is basically replacing a Boston Crab spot in this match, but that shipped sailed a while ago.   Honam goes on offense by hitting a DDT that Ishii does the Full Rob Van Dam Headstand Sell but with added Faces Of Horrible Pain added  (and I can't remember anything else that Rob Van Dam that was ever better than how he sold DDTs).  Then they go back to lariating each other- and they are really fucking slaughtering each other by this point, until Honma wins and does the running headbutt to Ishii's back which he uses to set up a thoroughly nasty K-DRILLAH~! to set-up a totally unsuccessful toprope headbutt.  One wonders why still tries after missing 85% of the time.  WHY!  HE NEVERS WINS BECAUSE HE NEVER HITS THAT AND THAT IS THE BEGNNING OF HIS DOWNFALL EVERY TIME HE LOSES!  Then he misses a headbutt to the corner and so Ishii pelts him with elbows and a Stiffest Lariat of 2015 and (from here on out anytime a wrestling sitting no the mat and someone does a move that he would usually do while his opponent is standing, I am going to refer to it as "Roaring" as if it were a variation of Masato Tanaka Roaring Elbow,  Just so you don't think I am making shit up!  Thanks, my beloved reader!)  Roaring Lariat for two.  Honma gets in a desperation counter Brainbuster to buy time before the inevitable- with the added bonus of  Ishii trademark selling of the shoulder a little. Ishii and Honma trade assorted headbutts and you are excited- Ishii with the vicious It Must Suck To Wrestle Hi-styled, Hardway-Blood Headbutt, Honma with the more conventional running and bouncing style headbutts.  Hey! Honma hits the Roaring Headbutt to Ishii's shoulder- and suddenly maybe Honma is winning this.  (I actually wrote this before seeing the end.)  Honma then channels the entire offense of Koshinaka but places his ass on his shoulders!  The headbutt running off the ropes!  The butt-butt but with his head there instead of his butt!  The total Iceman King Parson's Cocoa Butt but with his head there instead his head!  Wait...Total Iceman King Parsons Cocoa Butt!   AND THEN..... Honma actually hits the fuckin toprope HEADBUTT!  HOLY SHIT! HONMA WINS A MATCH OVER ISHII!  Honma is now the finest Guy Who Will Put Over The Guy Who Is Being Pushed!  The crowd goes totally apeshit for the Honma win.  He goes total Onita postmatch and the crowd backs his play 100%.  Children want his wrist tape!  What a moment!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x31fip9_tomoaki-honma-vs-tomohiro-ishii_sport 

 

4.) MANABU SOYA vs SHOTARO ASHINO- WRESTLE-1- 8/8/2015- [RASMUSSEN}:   I useta dig Manabu Soya when he was on the periphery of the Big Japan Strong Style contingent but then he went to Wrestle-1, the abyss of Dean's Wrestling Fandom until recently, because who the fuck knows what I'll be into from week to week.  Ye see, I'm the primary breadwinner of the Rasmussen household and I gotta button that shit down most of the time- I can't lose my job, I can't endanger my marriage, I can't scar my children.  The youth of the board may not understand yet, but it is a motherfucker.  You think when you are young that you will be wild and free and party every fucking day and love all the ladies and be a general bad ass your whole life.  I was like that.  Drinking whiskey while listening to George Jones to go out and hang out at somebody's house and listen to records of the Go-Betwee... I mean NO! going to bar and tearing shit up and punching motherfuckers in the face and stealing kisses and shooting off guns on Grace Street while walking on top of cop cars!  Fuck yeah, bitch!  But yeah, sooner of later you get sick of eating macaroni and cheese with a can of peas mixed in and you get sick of going to bars and getting drunk all the time.  So you start feeling the urge to settle down and then you meet somebody stable who doesn't annoy you and you don't annoy them and you decide to make a life together.  One by one, the things that signified your freedon are replaced by an obligation and an actual PAY-OFF for the sacrifice.  I don't know about anybody else, but I've got four kids and if I had my way, I'd have ten kids.  Seriously.  My children are the only REAL thing in my life- and its not that the rest of my life is shitty or anything, but children are the demarkation point for me milling around and  staring at my shoes and my life actually starting.   It's hard and boring to explain, but yeah, if my wrestling viewing gets scattershot and erratic, it's probably because there is very little things in my life that I can be random and scattershot about.  ANNND thus I lost track of Manabu Soya.  Plus he was always better in my mind than he was in the ring, so I was LOSING interest in him even before he disappeared from the internet places I would run across him.  We all got on with our lives.  Ashino is ROOKIE! I assume they have liked  what they have seen because this is more of a straight up wrestling match than a match where Soya beats the fuck out a rookie.  I mean, he DOES beat the fuck out of a rookie, but here the rookie beats the hell out of him too.  It's exciting!  I'm gonna watch!  Ashino runs through the streamers and starts laying in on Soya- stomping him, dropkicking him,  CLUBBING well beyond his meager weight!  Soya chops him and makes him make crying faces that shows that these are really hurty because I assume they are- and body slams him and makes him look at his awesome three braid beard and makes Ashino sell his manhood short for not having facial hair comparable to Dark Ozz, the pinnacle of facial hair.  So yeah, it's a rookie match early.  Soya forearms the kidneys so it's CHERRY KOOL=AID IN THE TERLIT IN THE MORNING for the youngster!  Ashino fires back out of the corner and chops Soya to the center of the ring and Soya crushes him with a chop and then makes with the unprotected backdrop to set up the fucking NASTY running forerarm to the face to get the first real nearpin.  Then Soya does an Airplane Spin but its while Ashino is in a Modified Cobra Clutch,  Very odd but I commend his variation on a common theme.  He then goes into a traditional Boston Crab and this is actually a rookie match but it just doesn't feel like one- in my heart of hearts.  Soya stands on his head as I write that to prove me wrong BUT Ashino then immediately hits a Released Belly To Belly Suplex when Soya charges at him, thus TRANSITIONING Ashino back to offense and THUS adding credence that this is the first match of Ashino's career to actually mean anything!  WE WERE THERE WHEN IT ALL STARTED!  YOU AND ME!  Ashino charges and shoulder butts and forearms until Soya hits the mat, finishing it off with a really nice flying forearm into the corner.  The part where Soya would cut him off and finish him off would be where he charges out of the corner and whips Ashino into the corner BUT Ashino charges out of the corner and hits another running forearm!  We are there! This is really happening!  His regular is starting as we watch!   He doges a Soya Lariat and hits a Lateral fricking Suplex like this is 1976- and I weep at the Lateral Suplex Splendor!  He does a low grade Gut-wrench Suplex like this is 1988 but it also has the felle of an EVEREST Gutwrnch Suplex which be redundant because the gutwrench part is power up without assistance into a suplex- so it would be a More EVEREST Than Usual Gutwrench Suplex- and I weep at the Gutwrench Suplex Vibrance yadda yadda yadda.  Soya headbutts him in the back of the head and slams him a around a bit before sinking in another Boston Crab- this one longer and more draggy and elaborate, transitioning into a Single Crab before Ashino hits the ropes- further proving that he definately is more than dropkicks and European Uppercuts from here on out!   Ashino gets in two quick near flashpins and the crowd is aroused!  Soya says, "Enough of this shit" and hits an EVEREST, a true EVEREST Brainbuster and that is the end of the story of Ashino's first ma.... NO WAY!  He kicks out at two.  Ashino beats on Soya in the middle of the ring in a lsat ditch effort to pull the upset but Soya crushes his skull with a headbutt and fucking murders him with a short lariat and then Death Valley Drives him for the TWO COUNT!?!  Sould it be?  Could this be Ashino's first shining moment in the SUN!??!  Could this be the TIME and PLACE and ST... oh, Soya makes him submit to a Sharpshooter and the dream finally ends.   But can the REALLY die?  Postmatch, people I don't recognize yell at Soya. 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x315u6b_manabu-soya-vs-shotaro-ashino-wrestle-1_sport

[goc]

What is this normal size and font business!?

[DEAN]

I had to post it while I was editing it.  It's edited now.  LOVE IT!

[RIPPA]

There are sometimes wrestling gets it right

 

Honma/Ishii is one of those times

[DEAN]

There are sometimes wrestling gets it right

 

Honma/Ishii is one of those times

WORD.

[J.T.]

I found the Honma / Ishi match while I was working the 14 hour Ironman Graveyard Shift from Monday night to Tuesday morning in service of our great nation. 

 

It sustained me like I sustain the excellent training standards of our proud US Army soldiers.

[J.H.]

Honma/Ishii was 2 guys just trying to crush one another and it is beautiful. I don't think Honma has gotten a reaction like that since he sliced himself up in Big Japan for our general entertainment. Honma is just the guy who isn't afraid to headbutt another guy just to make us like him. God bless him a million times over for that!

 

James