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What non-girl wrestler could you beat up?


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Davey's got fighting spirit, even if you won the fight, you eventually would let him win just so he would go the fuck away. Sort of like the guy who can't beat you at pool, but refuses to stop playing until he wins a game.

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Davey's got fighting spirit, even if you won the fight, you eventually would let him win just so he would go the fuck away.

 

So Davey Richards wins fights using my "how to score with babes" technique?  Fucker steals everything.

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X-Pac was a pretty legit martial artist at one point, and Mick Foley once claimed to be a "survivor" of his working punches. That, and X-Pac is crazy. Wouldn't fight him. 

 

Pac also supposedly bounced in Minneapolis before getting into wrestling.

 

He would have been like 16 or 15 years old. Where was he bouncing at, Fazoli's?

 

123_Kid_Sean_Waltman_01.jpg

Would you like another breadstick, ma'am? I'll need to see some I.D.

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I am so tired that on the way home I thought

 

"Well I could take Darren Young." But then I realized that it would be contingent on him accepting my offer of a blow job and how strong my bite was.

 

But then I realized he might be into that sort of thing and I was like "Well I could do way worse than Darren Young for my first sexual experience with a man."

 

But THEN I realized that Darren Young is WAY out of my league and that put me in my usual death spiral of self-confidence and all I want to do now is eat ice cream.

 

So yeah... that happened

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I am so tired that on the way home I thought

 

"Well I could take Darren Young." But then I realized that it would be contingent on him accepting my offer of a blow job and how strong my bite was.

 

But then I realized he might be into that sort of thing and I was like "Well I could do way worse than Darren Young for my first sexual experience with a man."

 

But THEN I realized that Darren Young is WAY out of my league and that put me in my usual death spiral of self-confidence and all I want to do now is eat ice cream.

 

So yeah... that happened

 

Of course!  Your first should be with a worldly older gentleman who can introduce you to people and get you into the local arts scene.

 

I swear you people need a guidebook or something.

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At my age - there aren't that many gentlemen who are older

 

And I to answer jae's clearly double entendre question - cookies N' cream

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People on WWE TV in the last month I feel I could beat in a fight:

 

1. Michael Cole

2. The corpse of Ric Flair

3. Bray Wyatt's singing kid

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Now, for those of you scoring at home:

RIPPA is the one who closes threads when they get "out of hand."

A bit of perspective, there.

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X-Pac was a pretty legit martial artist at one point, and Mick Foley once claimed to be a "survivor" of his working punches. That, and X-Pac is crazy. Wouldn't fight him.

 

X-Pac has a pretty well-known weak spot, though.

An affinity for gigantic clitorati?

 

 

No, his torn anus. Didn't want to type that out.

 

 

How do you target that?

 

I get how you target a figurative torn anus.  Like with Punk, you make him feel bad and he'll just quit and go home and twitter stuff.  But I'm not sure how to exploit the actual kind.

 

 

Trick him into eating things that are going to make bowel movements tougher. Fight him once he's worn down and exhausted.

 

 

So to summarize, the plan  to attack X-Pac is as follows:

 

Step 1: Gain his trust by offering him a cigarette

Step 2: Invite him to have lunch at Chipotle

Step 3: Catch him off-guard by mentioning his affinity for large clitoris

Step 4: Attack!

 

 

COBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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At my age - there aren't that many gentlemen who are older

 

And I to answer jae's clearly double entendre question - cookies N' cream

 

In case you were wondering, I bet Pat Patterson, El Caballero del Estilo Diferente, would be able to <insert verb here> you pretty easily.

 

And we're veering towards towards the worst mad libs ever.

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Patterson?  What world can he introduce Rippa to that Rippa can't get to himself?

 

I was thinking more along the lines of an Ian McKellen/Brendan Fraser thing. 

I know Rippa is no Brendan Fraser, but, man, he's closer to that than Patterson is to Ian McKellen!

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At my age - there aren't that many gentlemen who are older

 

And I to answer jae's clearly double entendre question - cookies N' cream

 

In case you were wondering, I bet Pat Patterson, El Caballero del Estilo Diferente, would be able to <insert verb here> you pretty easily.

 

And we're veering towards towards the worst mad libs ever.

 

 

A few more steps and 'The Gentleman Caller' Rippa is going to have to lock the thread because of himself. 

 

Rippa brother, your Darren Young is out there. You just have to bolieve.

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What's the deal with that Rockstar Spud guy again?

 

I have a weird feeling that he is a psychotic scrapper that generates Meng levels of legit fear in the business.

 

 

 

The guy can certainly take a shot or two. He once finished a match with Samoa Joe after getting a concussion about 10 seconds in, then he went on to another match with Danny Burch later in the night. He's not from an old-school British background by any stretch of the imagination, but he'll have learnt to trade heavy shots in the Indyz and I would not try my luck.

 

Garett Bischoff feels like the one guy worth at least trying.

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Guys all my MMA watchin bros tell me wrestling is fake and if these dudes were real men they'd be in UFC.

So given that I'm.changing my answer to all wrestlers. I can beat them all.

#confidence

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