Smackdown Spoilers for 5/9/14

[Dewar]

Barrett seemingly came up with the gimmick on one of their internet shows, and it got used on the main show. Maybe Big E. needs to spend more time on "The JBL and Cole Show with Renee Young".

[Hagan]

Aligning Wade with Cesaro and Heyman would be incredible. I think they're onto something with Barrett finally. Everything seems to be clicking. Jesus, a Barrett/Lesnar/Cesaro six-man with The Shield or with Bryan and whomever would be gold. 

[Greggulator]

Wade's Nexus stuff is one of my favorite runs a character ever had. He was THE best power-mad dickhead. His ring work was solid -- not as good as he later became, but decent -- but all of his segments were so great. Cena deserves a lot of credit for that by allowing himself to show total weakness to get the angle over. Can you imagine any other top star in WWE history letting someone throw water in his face and just standing there and taking it?

Glad to see that he finally figured it out.

[blitzkrieg]

Barrett seemingly came up with the gimmick on one of their internet shows, and it got used on the main show. Maybe Big E. needs to spend more time on "The JBL and Cole Show with Renee Young".

I think that is the boat that the WWE is missing the most. Using social networking to get wrestlers gimmicks over in the absence of TV time. With stuff like YouTube you could in theory do months worth of hype segments without using a second of TV.

[StretchMediatedHypertrophy]

Wade getting over with the crowd is bittersweet as he was the one guy who could draw consistent heel heat, and now that's over.

[piranesi]

Wade getting over with the crowd is a bittersweet as he was the one guy who could draw consistent heel heat, and now that's over.

 

Can't wait to see what his new dance will look like.

[Victator]

 

I almost feel like Dean was lying about all that paperwork. Perhaps he was too distracted by the titties he had to master. I mean look around backstage...Layla...Lana...Big E...

Ya'll know Lana did nude scenes when she was an actress, right?

 

I knew, but to make sure you know, send me a link. 

[Mr Harms]

On a scale of 1-10, how huge would the pop be for the Shield if they came down during a Lesnar segment? I'd be marking out, bro.

[StretchMediatedHypertrophy]

 

I almost feel like Dean was lying about all that paperwork. Perhaps he was too distracted by the titties he had to master. I mean look around backstage...Layla...Lana...Big E...

Ya'll know Lana did nude scenes when she was an actress, right?

 

 

(Insert picture of guy snorting cocaine off Lana's breasts)

 

[piranesi]

 

 

 

I almost feel like Dean was lying about all that paperwork. Perhaps he was too distracted by the titties he had to master. I mean look around backstage...Layla...Lana...Big E...

Ya'll know Lana did nude scenes when she was an actress, right?

 

 

(Insert picture of guy snorting cocaine of Lana's breasts)

 

 

 

(Insert joke about Vince snorting cocaine off Big E.'s breasts.)

 

 

[StretchMediatedHypertrophy]

Henry essentially worked heel against Reigns - using The Shield's former antics as justification. If this means more Mark Henry in Shield matches and maybe even a Daniel Bryan TV match or two then this is a good thing, even if he is a JTTS at this point. Maybe Kofi can get his heel-turn too and they can pair up.

[MGFanJay]

On a scale of 1-10, how huge would the pop be for the Shield if they came down during a Lesnar segment? I'd be marking out, bro.

I now have to do Shield-Brock in 2K14.

 

 

 

This was a fun show, but it still felt unimportant. Loved Reigns-Henry, Ambrose-Sheamus, and Lana's ass.

 

http://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2014/05/wwe-sd-5-9-14.html

 

Screens -

 

 

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/fvza392kezu9ar216b9jkwjxs2iscqms

[Greggulator]

Sheamus/Dean was predictably terrific. This was a really good match. The end is pretty sublime -- Sheamus Brogue Kick's Dean, who goes flying out of the ring. Dean BARELY beats the 10 count but is out on his feet. He eats another kick for Sheamus to pick up the win. Dean goes down looking heroic while Sheamus gives off a subtle bully vibe. Also, they talked about HHH taking a selfie on Instagram smirking with Sheamus in the background. Awesome.

 

Wade's Bad News was hilarious as he talks about the effects of global warming, superstorms and Big E. This match was pretty fun and short but the end was really badly done, thanks to RVD being a totally worthless sack.

 

I have a MA in Central and Eastern European Studies. My thesis was about Russia's intentions with Ukraine. This was completed in 2008. Needless to say, I tihnk Lana's shtick is so incredibly awesome and hilarious when she's boasting about Russian censorship. She also did a terrific scowl face while the crowd did a USA chant.

This Bray promo is really quick but very sinister. My favorite: "Mountains must crumble and oceans must boil." It talks about a flame -- I really don't want to see another fire match because that gimmick is really limiting and Cena and Bray can have a really great MOTYC if they just let them have a normal match. Either way, I think this feud has been really fun and great. Cena's been the top dog for a decade now. Only a handful of guys have been able to hold their own on the mic against him during their feuds -- Punk, Wade, Henry, very briefly Batista during the end of his run. Bray slays those guys. Not only that, we've seen some completely twisted midnfucks of sheep's masks and children's choirs. But now we see the real truth behind Bray's madness -- he was an outcast, he believes he was chosen to lead other outcasts, and he wants to destroy the world so he can take over with his followers as his army. Beating Cena at Extreme Rules gave him revenge against those who called him trash, and now he believes the whole world is in his hands.

Henry sets up something really cool for this. He talks about how The Shield used to roll dudes 3-on-1, including him. So he wants some. Great, simple, effective. His trash talk game in this is STRONG -- a lot of great taunting. Story of the match is Roman Reigns has some rib injuries and Henry targets that. Reings does a good job selling this, carries Henry around on his shoulders for a bit into a Samoan Drop before the AWHHHHOAAHHHHH spear. Good, tight little match. I loved the thing where Henry used Reigns' military garb against him.

Batista vs. Rollins gets good at the end, when Rollins brings a lot of energy. Rollins gladly loses jaw mobility after jumping essentially head first onto the announcer's table, leading to his demise. But the middle of this match stinks. Rollins came in injured so it's Batista working over Rollins' injuries. Man, Rollins is an awesome bumptaker and seller. Just do some tosses and he'll make it awesome. Batista spends most of this just doing some weak clubs. And he does this without taunting the crowd or talking smack or doing ANYTHING to make his stuff fun or intense. Dude blows.

One thing that's so great about the Wyatt's intro -- it's so long and in the dark that it's great to run a clip of something else to tell the backstory or whatever thing they need to get across. Yet when they DON'T do that it's an A+ entrance. Great way to use the time either way.

MORE TO COME! I AM GOING TO GO GET ICE CREAM!



 

[Greggulator]

BACK FROM GETTING ICE CREAM

Do we even need to write about WWE Main Event 6-Men matches anymore? It's a shock when they aren't anything less than terrific. There's a lot of great stuff in this. I love the ending, though -- Cena really want to get his licks in on Bray, and does so by running around the ring to get him. This leaves him open to Rowan beating him up, too. Jimmy (or Jey) flies over the top to save Cena, leaving Jey (or Jimmy) alone to have his head taken off by Harper.

 

[Goodear]

WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM~!~?

 

No seriously.

[Cristobal]

Three Twins

[Cristobal]

Wait, I lied. I bought Haagen Dazs.

Anyway: Dammit Sheamus. Pet peeve, maybe, but you're supposed to sell the STRAIGHT leg for the figure four, not the bent leg...

[Greggulator]

WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM~!~?

 

No seriously.

 

I got a pineapple milkshake from the place in my neighborhood, which is the best ice cream join in Philly!

[ebbie]

Still making it through the show, but Heyman going on about Cesaro flipping on his stomach to avoid a second pin fall was some guys' here levels of pretentious.

[piranesi]

Sheamus/Dean was predictably terrific. This was a really good match. The end is pretty sublime -- Sheamus Brogue Kick's Dean, who goes flying out of the ring. Dean BARELY beats the 10 count but is out on his feet. He eats another kick for Sheamus to pick up the win. Dean goes down looking heroic while Sheamus gives off a subtle bully vibe. Also, they talked about HHH taking a selfie on Instagram smirking with Sheamus in the background. Awesome.

 

 

 

I loved the logic of the ending.  The match was essentially over with the first brogue kick.  Ambrose knew he was basically going to go unconscious or nearly so.  But he had just enough blood left in his brain to stumble out of the ring so he wouldn't immediately eat a pin.  It was an amazing bit of desperation that could only delay the end because now he's outside the ring and realizes that even though he escaped instant death, all he's earned from it is a slower crawling death.  Now he's facing a count and has to crawl back in with whatever strength he has left.  Again his brain is only functioning enough to do the most obvious thing to avoid immediate defeat, but without enough though left in it to realize that it just doesn't matter and that he's only earning himself more pain.

 

After all that his body was broken and they didn't even pretend he was anything but a limp sack of grool.  No hope spot of anything.  The second kick was overkill but that's what you get for trying to continue to stagger around after you have by most legal definitions experienced brain death.

 

Also, Sheamus pulled up Dean's shirt and we got a rare glimpse of Elysium.

[piranesi]

Weird hearing Cole get the better of Heyman and JBL during the Cesaro match when Heyman was trying to take credit for his client's success:

 

 

Heyman: For instane, Did you see how my client rolled over on his stomach after the pinfall to force Big E. to expend more energy blah blah

Cole: Right.  And I'm sure you got  into your boots, got in the ring and taught him to do that.

JBL: Stop acting like you need to put on the boots to be a coach.  Did Connie Mack put on his uniform to coach?

Cole: Yeah.  He actually played the game

JBL: Well...not when he coached! And Casey Stengel! NO!

Cole: He played.

 

He then made the point they should have made:

 

Cole: I've been in the ring, too.  That doesn't mean anything.

 

The lad was on.

[piranesi]

Fuck. Another three-move Emma match.  Only now even that is worse. 

 

Previously:

 

1) tarantula

2) lame corner taunt/dancing spot

3) her submission finisher

 

Now:

 

1) tarantula

2) lame corner taunt/dancing spot

3) cobra

 

a downgrade from almost nothing to almost nothinger.  At this point, doing a boston crab in the ropes is the only thing separating her matches from Kelly Kelly's...and I guess that her corner taunt/dancing spot isn't butt-based.

[piranesi]

 

 

Henry sets up something really cool for this. He talks about how The Shield used to roll dudes 3-on-1, including him. So he wants some. Great, simple, effective. His trash talk game in this is STRONG -- a lot of great taunting. Story of the match is Roman Reigns has some rib injuries and Henry targets that. Reings does a good job selling this, carries Henry around on his shoulders for a bit into a Samoan Drop before the AWHHHHOAAHHHHH spear. Good, tight little match. I loved the thing where Henry used Reigns' military garb against him.

 

 

IT'S BY YOURSELF TONIGHT!

YOU BY YOURSELF TONIGHT!!!!

 

Losses by and beat downs of The Shield guys now are somehow more than just the trade off of upper-hand between heels and faces.  Seeing them bloodied and crawling and staggering...It's like atonement.  Cleansing.

 

It's something that's often missing from WWE sudden babyface turns where "Hey, he loves the fans now and we love him!!! Nothing of the last two years EVER HAPPENED!!!"

 

They're earning this turn.  There's a price to be paid for suddenly wanting to be all noble.  There's a reason why heels don't do it.  It's supposed to be harder.  They're being tested to see if they can actually handle the disadvantage of being babyfaces.  It's still up in the air if they're still keeping it up out of some newfound sense of honor or just for the sake of revenge and spite.

 

Makes you wonder which one will give up and go back to the easy way.

 

Ambrose is impatient...so maybe him.

Rollins is smart...so maybe him.

[The Man Known as Dan]

Weird hearing Cole get the better of Heyman and JBL during the Cesaro match when Heyman was trying to take credit for his client's success:

 

 

Heyman: For instane, Did you see how my client rolled over on his stomach after the pinfall to force Big E. to expend more energy blah blah

Cole: Right.  And I'm sure you got  into your boots, got in the ring and taught him to do that.

JBL: Stop acting like you need to put on the boots to be a coach.  Did Connie Mack put on his uniform to coach?

Cole: Yeah.  He actually played the game

JBL: Well...not when he coached! And Casey Stengel! NO!

Cole: He played.

 

He then made the point they should have made:

 

Cole: I've been in the ring, too.  That doesn't mean anything.

 

The lad was on.

 

I think that this is a large point of the Heyman managing Cesaro payoff: Cesaro i gonna be a tar no matter what, jut like Lesnar. Paul i jut great at jumping on the back of exceptional talent. I imagine Cesaro's face turn will be him coming to term with knowing he can do whatever he wants without Heyman

[piranesi]

Line of the night:

 

Hornswaggle [after being butt-gored out of the ring]:  "ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????"

 

He's such a humorless asshole now and he's playing it perfectly.  His delivery of his rage bursts is like something out of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.

Guys, Hornswaggle is a Larry David character and he's pulling it off better than almost anyone on the roster could.  You know this means that LEPRECHAUN movie is going to be way better than everyone thinks, right?

 

YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT????