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My four year old had to spend Tuesday night in the ER, after she'd swallowed one of the wife's diet pills. The kid managed to climb on the counter and take off the child lock to get to them.  I got work third shfit, and then go meet them at the ER to get her discharged. Then I found out that they could have been discharged and been back home at 1:00 AM, but the doc wanted her for observation just in case and, more or less, intimated that a good parent would keep her there and that they don't call CPS on good parents.

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There is no such thing as a friendly or compassionate insurance company. I don't give a shit if their spokesperson is Alec Trebek, Flo, or a cute lizard; they are all built with the idea that you are betting against yourself and they have a huge staff of lawyers and claims adjusters whose bonuses are predicated on how many people they can screw out of how much. Fuck 'em all.

 

I want to make a movie that's kind of like Falling Down, except a guy goes nuts against insurance executives who screwed his family.  I bet I can get an audience to cheer scenes of torture and death.

 

They did.  It was called Saw VI and it wasn't very good.  

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Fuck Death.

 

The only neighbor I ever liked left today. She was one of the toughest people I'd ever met. Even though she was retired, her house was a safe haven for a lot of kids from my elementary school as the teaching staff and school policies got darker and weirder, and she was especially welcoming after the whole case around my expulsion. Her grandson Jason is the closest thing I have to a little brother. Our household and theirs became family. The school has a wire cage all the way around it with security checkpoints, and from today on there's really nothing of it left that I'd feel fondness towards. Rest, Bonnie.

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So, I quit my job Saturday. I was with the same company, through thick and thin, for just shy of 15 years. The boss, who I had a contentious relationship with, finally took the shot that broke the camel's back. I know he didn't expect me to do what I did and that's a comfort. He made his bed and now he can sleep in it. Also, I had three job offers within 24 hours with one of them looking very good right now. So...

 

FUCK YOU, BOSS! I HELPED BUILD THAT HOUSE AND NOW YOU CAN TRY AND KEEP IT FLOATING WITHOUT ME!

 

Ahhhhh...that felt nice...

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No, you're right, this is definitely the appropriate forum to discuss suicidal and self destructive thoughts. Not in a doctors office, to a 911 operator, a counselor, or trusted family member. Land of Confusion is where the healing process begins.

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Y'know what? Fuck you, Antacular. If he wants to vent here about his mental issues, then by all means, we support him in that. I did the same around 7 months ago, and the support I got here was helpful. 

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F everything about my brain.  I'm starting to wonder if I'll only find peace when I'm dead.

 

Do you have medical insurance? If so, I'd recommend looking into the mental health aspect of it. I did it last year and I've had improvement. If not, there's bound to be some sort of free clinic where you can get counseling.

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No, you're right, this is definitely the appropriate forum to discuss suicidal and self destructive thoughts. Not in a doctors office, to a 911 operator, a counselor, or trusted family member. Land of Confusion is where the healing process begins.

Speaking as someone who has, in the past, been guilty of some hardcore overshares on this thread, who's to say anyone ISN'T doing those things? When I'm struggling, I talk to my brother, my best friend, and my psychologist. I've also rage dumped on here, because sometimes it helps. Not "more than" talking to a family member or a professional, but in a different way that's no less valuable. Sometimes the commiseration (and occasional mockery) of semi-anonymous strangers brought together by the love of a much-maligned hobby is useful and positive. Assuming someone isn't doing anything BUT commenting here when they hit an emotional wall is kind of baffling to me.

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Y'know what? Fuck you, Antacular. If he wants to vent here about his mental issues, then by all means, we support him in that. I did the same around 7 months ago, and the support I got here was helpful. 

 

And what did your advice come down to? "Seek professional help." You really earned that PhD in Psych, must've been grueling.

 

 

 

No, you're right, this is definitely the appropriate forum to discuss suicidal and self destructive thoughts. Not in a doctors office, to a 911 operator, a counselor, or trusted family member. Land of Confusion is where the healing process begins.

Speaking as someone who has, in the past, been guilty of some hardcore overshares on this thread, who's to say anyone ISN'T doing those things? When I'm struggling, I talk to my brother, my best friend, and my psychologist. I've also rage dumped on here, because sometimes it helps. Not "more than" talking to a family member or a professional, but in a different way that's no less valuable. Sometimes the commiseration (and occasional mockery) of semi-anonymous strangers brought together by the love of a much-maligned hobby is useful and positive. Assuming someone isn't doing anything BUT commenting here when they hit an emotional wall is kind of baffling to me.

 

 

Yeah, except it wasn't a vent to seek commiseration, it was entirely for attention, and nothing more. No details were given, no "My wife is going to leave me what should I do" or "The kids' health insurance has just run out and I can't afford it" or "I just got fired and have nothing saved up," or basically anything anyone here could respond to meaningfully. It was "DARK THOUGHTS DEATH IS MY ONLY SOLACE." WTF is a poster reading this thread supposed to do with that?

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In a way, you're probably right.  I don't have nearly enough people in my life to just talk to, so I could use some kind of outlet.  Whether I just need to get back on meds, see a counselor, or whatever...it'd be nice to get some advice from people who may have gone through the same sort of thing.  I've heard about people who have gotten better and who have gotten worse from antidepressants.  I went off the meds since I lost my health insurance between jobs...I hoped to see how I'd do without them, but I feel like I'm low-energy and zero-motivation most of the time and it sucks.  Financial situation is improving but I still have debt issues to deal with, so I'm wary about taking on another expense on top of everything else.

To be fair, some of the stuff in this thread IS just venting about life issues...if it wasn't the right place for me to do that, I apologize.

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Well that's a lot more helpful than the first attempt. I have zero experience with any psychiatric medicine, but sounds like being off them is compounding everything else, creating a vicious cycle. Try asking your doc for generic instead of brand, the cost is usually substantially lower.

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The sheer number of people on here who have been on meds and struggled with and without them astonishes me. It just doesn't seem to be anywhere near as common in Europe. Not a judgement or anything like that, just an observation. I sometimes wonder if there isn't a more sinister motive behind some of the prescriptions given out.

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Was using the generic brand at the time.  Unfortunately, around the time I went off them, I wasn't seeing much of a difference...maybe my system just adjusted to the meds, even though I was on a pretty high daily dosage.  Will need to ask about that.

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sunday: hate father's day (that'll make sense in a second)

monday: fucked out of making the money I needed for bus fare by someone forgetting they agreed to help me.
tuesday: dropped everything to successfully intervene in a suicide attempt and get them the help they needed.

wednesday: bonnie
thursday: my uncle has lung cancer. he is the last blood relative man of the prior generation to have cancer (my father, his brothers, and my mother's other brother).

 

i don't think i'm this strong, but i guess i will have to be

 

also: don't fucking smoke

 

EDIT: and now friday starts with gunshots. this fucking week.

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