THE MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE (2010)

[SirSmUgly]

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Tara soaks in the crowd's "Thank You Tara" chants to end her career (per Wikipedia, she returns in July)

OK, that one got me to laugh out loud.

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Jeff Jarrett vs.  Sting
they're fighting in the backstage area and Jarrett is already busted open before either man comes out. I say "they're fighting" but really this is just Sting beating Jarrett up and down. Sting drags Jarrett into the arena proper and the beating continues. This isn't a fight, this is a dismantling.
Sting rolls Jarrett in the ring and the ref calls for the bell. Scorpion Death Drop. 3 count. Match lasted 10 seconds, but this sustained beating was more interesting than any match these two could have had. Jarrett does a full stretcher job. Sting shoves Jarrett off the stretcher. This prompts Hulk Hogan (sans music!) to come out on the stage

They should have done this exact match at Havoc 2000 instead of what they ended up doing. 

EDIT: Please write some more reviews! I like reading these. 

But not TNA reviews, for your own sake. Geez. 

Edited June 1 by SirSmUgly

[twiztor]

i'm trying to gather my thoughts to sum up the ~8 years of TNA that i watched. It probably doesn't seem like it from this thread, but i really did enjoy it more often than i didn't. So expect a post sometime in the nearish future to tie everything off.

1 hour ago, SirSmUgly said:

EDIT: Please write some more reviews! I like reading these. 

But not TNA reviews, for your own sake. Geez. 

Your Nitro thread helped me a lot in writing these. Summing up matches without it just being "and then guy A did this move. and then guy B did that move" was a big issue i had run into previously, so i looked at how you balanced the moves with the story and i tried to thread that needle in a similar way. i got really tired of finding ways to include the match length in my descriptions, but i always looked at that as a way to frame the importance (or lack thereof) to the overall. 

i started watching 1984 AWA last night and am going to watch that until its end. unfortunately, i don't really have a lot to say about 4-5 minute squash matches with next to no storylines. I've watched 3 episodes so far and two of them ended with a dropkick, which was by far the highspot. And "Sheik Lawrence of Arabia" Ken Patera's finisher is a suplex. The commentator, Ron Trongard, already informed us that going to the top rope was illegal. And there's been two different 2/3 Falls matches that went two straight where the full match was under 5 minutes. Also, Mr. Saito is a heel because he's evil and sneaky and Japanese.... the third part of that informs the first two. The most interesting part has been the jobbers themselves, but even that would be a very shallow well since a number of them have already pulled double duty. 

Maybe JCW? i don't know if i'm ready to expose the depth of my juggalo knowledge on this board yet.

[SirSmUgly]

51 minutes ago, twiztor said:

 

Maybe JCW? i don't know if i'm ready to expose the depth of my juggalo knowledge on this board yet.

How about definitely JCW. 

All I know about Juggalos is that they like ICP and Faygo, so if you want to relieve my cultural ignorance and also talk about some wrestling that I don't know a ton about, I am here for it.

[twiztor]

46 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

How about definitely JCW. 

All I know about Juggalos is that they like ICP and Faygo, so if you want to relieve my cultural ignorance and also talk about some wrestling that I don't know a ton about, I am here for it.

sir, i don't know if you are ready for the deep dive that this would involve. Have you seen StrangleMania? Did you know that ICP broke into wrestling at the same time they broke into rapping? Did you know they started hosting their own wrestling shows in their warehouse in the mid '90s? Did you know they've wrestled matches for WWF, WCW, ROH, TNA, XPW, (Billy Corgan's) NWA, and IWA: Mid South, plus appeared on an ECW PPV?  That they were featured in the "Backyard Wrestling" (PS2?) video game? all of this is just the beginning of the background knowledge i have without looking anything up. 

here's a sampling of what i know is involved on their own promoted shows (and this is before the current run that plays on YouTube or wherever):

Spoiler

a dead body.
a guy who's finisher is lighting his fist on fire and punching his opponent.
the magic blunt.
Fat Fuck Barrel Boy.
"the Honky Tonk Man said so, Juggaloooooos"
the JWO (Juggalo World Order)

and an endless amount of dick and gay jokes.

ugh, i might actually be talking myself into doing this. but that last point REALLY makes it tough.

[Curt McGirt]

All that experience and Violent J still had the worst punches in wrestling history during that Sandman retirement match. Jeeeeeeez

[twiztor]

Total Nonstop Action: a requiem

Hypothetically, let's say an acquiantance of yours opened a burger restaurant. Not a close friend. Maybe a friend of a friend, or a former coworker that you got along with. You were mildly intrigued, but questioned if they had the right business plan, or menu, or location, or staffing. But you were willing to give them a chance. Maybe because of that prior relationship, maybe because you were tired of McDonald's, or maybe it was just boredom that led you to that. And it was.....fine. It wasn't great. The food was overcooked, or the decor left a lot to be desired. But it was acceptable. So some time goes by and you give them another shot. And, you have pretty much the same opinion. They made some improvements to your earlier complaints, but now your waiter didn't check on you enough. BUT, they mixed you a killer drink. Slowly, over time, you stop by that restaurant more frequently. the little things that bothered you came and went, and new issues popped up. But you kept going because those drinks were CHOICE. Every now and again they'd have some stupid promotion or gimmick that came up, like the time they changed their entire menu to chicken sandwiches instead of burgers. You scratched your head, but powered through because of the drinks. It goes on this way for years. You have kind of started to appreciate the randomness that would appear there, and you'd sample the new things they brought in, but always kept coming because of those killer drinks.

Then they changed owners, started serving ONLY overcooked dry hamburgers, and eliminated their drink menu.

This sums up my feelings about TNA as a wrestling company.

 

TNA did lots of REALLY FUCKING STUPID things. Starting off with weekly PPVs was a WILD choice. I can see their logic in coming up with it, but that was never going to work. Add in a miniscule budget, and how that inevitably leads to a shrinking/unknown talent roster, and you're not on very strong footing. I didn't watch them at the time, despite being in my 20s and a massive wrestling fan, and if a company started in 2026 with that plan, i wouldn't watch them now in my 40s. It's just such a weak position. The move (first to Fox Sports Net, and especially to SpikeTV) was badly needed and breathed life into a shrinking company. But what's funny to me is that the creative didn't peak at the same time. Those early shows especially were like firing a shotgun at an orange and hoping to get juice. hardcore midget matches? 80s memphis stars (sorry Bullet Bob Armstrong, but in 2003 you are just an old man that is unknown to the vast majority of the national wrestling audience)? a Toby Keith concert? Hermie Sadler from NASCAR? and i'd be remiss to not mention the Harris Twins here among the bad ideas.
But they also did lots and lots of REALLY COOL things. of course, the X-Division is at the forefront. But along with that are the Ultimate-X match. The World X Cup Tournament. They leaned more into hardcore matches than WWE was doing at the time (Raven, Abyss, the Monster's Ball matches). They shined a spotlight on women's wrestling and focused on more than just appearance. The Six-Sided ring was a statement, and the "six sides of steel" cage matches were the exclamation point. this is rarely mentioned when talking about TNA, but they kept a fairly consistent emphasis on their tag team division. And they had some BANGER matches. Samoa Joe and AJ Styles, of course, were among those that had a consistently high quality. TNA introduced me to Low Ki, and Homicide, and Amazing Red, and a host of others. So much goodness in the mix. And TNA kept Sting's legacy alive after WCW folded and before WWE tried to destroy it. 

 

Early/Mid 2003 (about 8-9 months into the Weekly PPV period) kicked off their strongest point, and it maintained that momentum until shortly before the SpikeTV move. The couple months before the move really felt like a holding pattern to me, which likely helped in diminishing my interest. The time leading up to this creative boom was the absolute nadir in these same terms. Vince Russo and his S.E.X. faction were running roughshod over the roster, and simultaneously we were in the midst of Jeff Jarrett's reign of boredom with the NWA World Title. So for the zenith to be birthed from this low point is pretty significant. 

Christian Cage debuted shortly after the SpikeTV debut. to me, this marked a turning point in the company's talent philosophy. He was a current midcarder in WWE, and was sort of 'main event-adjacent', who had a huge fan following. TNA made a big push to bring him in, and pushed him hard, which made them feel like a real "challenger brand", rather than an "alternative trend". Prior to this, they had brought in other guys who were more on the level of D-Lo Brown- good wrestlers, had some fanfare, but were either pretty low on the card or past their prime. While this coincides with the end of TNA's high water mark, it's really more of a levelling off. The quality has its ups and downs but maintains a pretty respectable average about it.

Kurt Angle was the next major inflection point. He joined about a year later and instantly became the star and #1 ace of the company. He was hot off his WWECW run, where he had reinvented himself as a serious, ass kicking wrestler. He brought most of that along with him, and ran roughshod over the roster. He becomes the first TNA World Heavyweight Champion (as the NWA license was expiring) about 6 months into his reign, and this is the point where i feel TNA starts its downward turn. I alluded to it earlier in this thread, but Impact really becomes the Kurt Angle show. He is the main character of the show. He wrestles frequently. He gets multiple interviews every episode. He holds the top title more than he doesn't, and even when he doesn't, he's in the mix. He's not Big Show-esque in his face/heel turns, but he bounces back and forth quite a bit. It's exhausting. During this time, TNA also starts bringing in more and more WWE guys and positioning them at the top. Booker T. Bobby Lashley. Mick Foley. This culminates in the nearly year-long Main Event Mafia angle, which was a drain on me. 

And that brings us to the Hulk Hogan/Eric Bischoff era. i've already said lots of words about that. I'm sure there's been plenty of good matches and angles in the 16 years since this project's end point (hello Broken Universe!) but it has fallen even further into an afterthought promotion rather than the challenger brand they once were. And especially after AEW's emergence, i think TNA really struggles to find their niche. I wish them best in their future endeavors.