THE MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE (2010)

twiztor · May 8

March 22, 2010
LIVE @ the Impact Zone
[no episode title]

It's Thursday! You know what that means! Should i feel some sort of perverse pleasure in watching a Monday Night Impact on Thursday? Probably not, but i feel it anyway. Take that, Dixie Carter from 15 years ago! And i'm NOT going to follow you on twitter,

Spoiler

we start off with Eric Bischoff, sitting on a stool, strumming an acoustic guitar in the middle of the ring with a single spotlight on him. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Didn't i JUST give Bisch credit for not having as pointless a segment as his shitty talkshow bit? He plays for 90 seconds, and honestly it's not bad, but what the actual fuck is the point of this? Now he's cutting a promo to speak on "what you don't know about me". He's offended that Jeff Jarrett uses his guitar as a prop instead of playing it. He calls ol' Double J down the ring to prove him wrong. Jeff reluctantly strides to the ring. Jeff refuses to take the bait until Bisch double dog dares him, at which point Jeff grabs the guitar, rears back, and ... and.... and... hangs his head and walks towards the back. Bisch belittles him some more and invokes Jeff's daughters. This brings Jeff back, and this time he KABONGS Eric. crowd cheers. end scene.
backstage, Foley congratulates Jeff.
Back from break, Bischoff wakes up and screams that Jeff and Mick will face each other tonight, with the loser getting fired. and the winner will be his bitch.

8 Knockout Tag Match: The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, & Lacey von Erich) & Daffney vs. Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita
heels enter first. Tara runs out before her entrance to beg for the return of her tarantula, Poison. She gets a beatdown until the faces rush the ring and we go to commercial.
Back from break, the match is underway. It's the "tag in, get one move in, opponent tags out, hits one move, you tag out" dynamic. At three minutes, the match breaks down. Then it becomes "you hit one move and pose so an opponent can hit one move" rinse-and-repeat. Tara nails Lacey with the Widow's Peak, then gets distracted by her tarantula in the corner. Daffney sneaks in, lands her "Lobotomy" neckbreaker for the win in 4 1/2 minutes. This was fine but ultimately substanceless.

AJ arrives to the arena with his arm in a sling and limping with a crutch. Flair is still in a wheelchair. The van they exit from says "TAMPA STRIPPERAMA" on the side. Flair hollers for Chelsea, who is nowhere to be seen.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss make their way to the ring for a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT regarding the next PPV. Hogan says it starts being "only business" at Lockdown. I'm not really sure what that means, but OK. Abyss will be leading 'Team Hogan' in the Lethal Lockdown match against 'Team Flair'. Abyss threatens to crash Flair and/or AJ through "whichever part of the Impact Zone that [he] sees fit" if they show up here tonight. Enter Flair (now being pushed by Chelsea) and AJ. Flair says he is a "cage match expert" and says that he and AJ are "wrestling gods. Gods. GODS." Flair names his team captain, Sting. ok, i was unprepared for that one. Sting's music plays, and when the lights come on he appears sitting on the turnbuckle. Hogan is handcuffed to the ring ropes and AJ lays waste to Abyss with his crutch and stomps. Pope rushes the ring and now AJ takes the beating. Pope uncuffs Flair and the faces celebrate in the ring. Hogan rolls Flair down the ramp, right into a clothesline from Abyss.

Backstage, Jeff Hardy, RVD, and Shannon Moore enter the area. Jeff tells Christy Hemme that someone's not going to have a good night.

Global Title: Tomko vs. Rob Terry (c)
Terry manhandles Tomko. front powerslam, standing spin kick, big chokeslam. a one minute squash. poor Tomko.

No DQ / Loser Gets Fired: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley
Special Referees: Beer Money, Inc.
pre-match, Borash is with both Jarrett and Foley. i wasn't paying super close attention to what they were saying, but they're both out to win and prove it to themselves/each other/the fans/something something.
Jarrett and Foley shake hands to start. lock-up is a stalemate. they trade two count attempts. Foley starts resorting to punches. Jarrett fights off the double arm ddt, and Foley returns the favor by circumventing the Stroke. Roode grabs Jarrett's ankle, and now the two competitors are doing some light brawling outside the ring. Bischoff shows up, holding an ice pack on his head. He joins the commentary desk because i have not been tortured enough.
Back from a commercial break, and the match FINALLY feels like we're moving above a snail's pace. It's still not good. Foley is only slightly more mobile than Hulk Hogan. Foley lands a Double Arm DDT, but Jarrett gets his foot on the ropes. Foley calls upon the power of Mr. Socko, and then transitions into a Cobra Clutch Socko hold. Jarrett fights out and lands the Stroke on a Steel Chair for the three count. This went EIGHT minutes, which is an eternity in Impact time. Bischoff gloats on commentary. Beer Money (whose presence was largely benign, BTW) celebrate. Jarrett and Foley shake hands and embrace. Foley hobbles backstage while the crowd chants "thank you Mick". Bischoff says we're not done yet and grabs a mic. He sics Beer Money on Jarrett, but Jeff Hardy and RVD make the save. RVD challenges Beer Money to a match tonight. Bischoff fumes and wonders who authorized this. We can't really be setting up a Hogan vs. Bischoff feud, can we? I cannot imagine a feud that i want to see less.
Backstage. there's a line of wrestlers wishing Foley goodbye. to one of the knockouts, he says "don't hug me, my wife's watching". He embraces Abyss. JB's there. so of course Bubba the Love Sponge tells Foley "don't let the door hit you in the ass, old timer!" Foley decks him and leaves.
Bisch enters Hulk's office and he is amped up. Hulk seems displeased that Foley is gone. Hulk is now lecturing Bischoff on keeping business and personal separate. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Bisch starts to ask Hulk about Hardy and RVD, but thinks better of it.
STILL backstage, Christy Hemme is with Beer Money. They're putting Beer Money first and they don't care about the fans.
STILL STILL backstage, Borash is with Hardy and RVD. Jeff knows a thing or two about tag team wrestling. RVD calls himself "Mr. Monday Night" which would be a nice touch if it would have happened on the debut Monday show, but he's weeks late now.

TNA Tag Team Champions EXPLODE~!
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
H attacks Morgan from behind as soon as he steps through the curtain. H beats him all around the outside of the ring and rolls him back in. Morgan drops to his knees and pleads for mercy, but H just front kicks him in the chest and continues the beating. They brawl outside some more, and Morgan lands a Carbon Footprint on Hernandez into the ringpost. The ref throws up the X and that's it. less than three minutes, but this is the closest we've seen to a hate filled brawl in many many months. H does the ol' stretcher job.
After the commercial, Hulk Hogan (and Shannon Moore?!?) watch as they load H into an ambulance.

a highlight package of the Band reforming last night at the PPV. They've done a few of these recaps tonight, and they have all directly related to the following segment. So, of course, this one leads to....

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy
Jeff Hardy and James Storm start us off. Within 30 seconds, they are brawling outside and Jeff grabs a ladder from under the ring. He sets it up to bridge from the ring to the guard rail and we go to commercial. Double team heel tactics keep Beer Money in control of this match. Considering they were barely able to beat Jeff Jarrett 2 weeks ago and lost to a solo Hernandez last week, i don't like their chances here. Hardy with his split legged jawbreaker, but Roode responds with a huge spinebuster. Jeff Hardy is playing the face in peril here, and the crowd is here for it. double cross body leaves both men down, but the ref gets distracted and misses the tag. Storm tries his whirlwind "Eye of the Storm" move, but Hardy fights out and lands his run up the corner move. There's the hot tag and RVD hits his series of strikes and offense. RVD with the split legged moonsault on James Storm, but the ref won't make the count because i guess Roode is the legal man. Now the match has completely broken down. Hardy eats the DWI. RVD gets catapulted directly into a DDT, but kicks out of a pin attempt at two. Now Hardy's back up and fights out of a Fisherman's Suplex. Swanton Bomb by Hardy and Frog Splash by RVD leads to the pin. Hunh, there was a short ringside brawl segment late in the match, but the ladder barely came into play. This was a pretty decent 10 minute tag match. Fairly standard match layout, but the crowd was into it for the majority.

Post match, Eric Young runs through the crowd and into the ring. He says next week will be a trios match- The Band vs. EY, Hardy, and RVD.

TV Rating: 0.86 (vs. 1.26 in 2009)

this is the first episode of Impact that hasn't included Kurt Angle in a LONG ASS time. it actually felt weird to not have him on, or mention him whatsoever. UNsurprisingly, there wasn't a single mention of the X-Division.

I gotta be honest, the main event really saved this show from being completely awful. And for me, a self professed Jeff Hardy hater, to say that, you know it means something.

i do not understand the mega push of Rob Terry. Yes, he has an incredible body. but he can't talk and he hasn't shown that he can wrestle more than a squash match. Tomko is a guy that i feel got a bad reputation early on in his WWE run (probably deserved, but i liked him as Christian's heater) and was never able to fully shake it, despite huge improvements over the years. But now he only shows up as cannon fodder, which is disappointing.

Edited May 10 by twiztor

zendragon · May 8

You know I once heard Bishoff say moving to Monday nights "would give fans a chance to sample the product" I mean I get that maybe some disillusion RAW watches flip over and like what they see, but it seems that all they are doing in showcasing WWE castoffs. Very little of what made TNA TNA!

@SirSmUgly I'm also a fan of If Books Could Kill and Micheals other podcast Maintenance Phase

SirSmUgly · May 8

I was going to make a joke that maybe you'd get behind a Bischoff/Hogan feud if Bisch were given a promising young cruiserweight who was already quite over in the midcard, but I'm not sure anyone in this company fits the "Billy Kidman in 2000" profile. Either you're a main eventer or you're nothing when it comes to the male singles wrestlers.

twiztor · May 9

@zendragon i think i've said this already, but it bears repeating. i knew Hulk brought in all his washed up buddies, but i didn't realize just HOW MUCH roster churn happened all at once. Coupled with the extreme de-emphasis of both the X-Division and the KnockOuts division, and it really feels very same-y. Add in the loss of the 6-sided ring, and i really think the market they were shooting for was "WWE fans that accidentally turned on SpikeTV and lost their remote".

11 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

I was going to make a joke that maybe you'd get behind a Bischoff/Hogan feud if Bisch were given a promising young cruiserweight who was already quite over in the midcard, but I'm not sure anyone in this company fits the "Billy Kidman in 2000" profile. Either you're a main eventer or you're nothing when it comes to the male singles wrestlers.

i think the closest you could come is maybe Kazarian? He's in the midst of a decent sized return push, so doesn't quite fit the comparison. If the MMGs were to split, i think Chris Sabin fits that bit fairly closely. but yeah, everybody else i can think of has seemingly left the company. Sonjay Dutt is probably the TNA-iest comparison, but it's been a long ass time since i've seen him here (about a year, according to cagematch).

zendragon · May 9

Its not even the standard Hogan crew, its the Andersons and OJs and Val Venis type guys.

twiztor · May 10

March 29, 2010
"V for Vigilante"

it's 10pm and i'm feeling pretty good. had a lot of things i wanted to do today, but have been sore from work, so i just took it easy. Listened to some tunes, ate some great Mexican food, read some good comics, all my normal relaxation tactics. So let's hope this mood can keep rolling.

Spoiler

Jeff Jarrett is in Hulk's office. They're having a civil conversation. Hulk apologizes for Eric Bischoff, and is buttering JJ up for something. He'll be facing AJ Styles tonight, and if he wins, then Jarrett will be the #1 Contender after Lockdown.
HEY~! It's "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal!! Hewanders into Hulk's office as Jarrett leaves. He reminisces about their time in the Mega Powers, then Mach suggests filling in for Hogan tonight, who will not be able to oversee the show (this was taped earlier today). Hogan agrees and they do a mega handshake to seal the deal. ok, this episode already gets a million billion stars.

The Band (Hall, Nash, Syxx) come to the ring, led by Bubba the Love Sponge for some unholy reason. They're wearing shirts that say "Bubba's Army", which is the fastest way to kill my interest in the one nostalgia act that i care about. Bubba has tape over his knows from Foley knocking him out last week. Bubba shits on... Vince Young? Eric Evans? Nash corrects him and says it's Eric Young, and calls him out to the ring so he (Nash) can apologize. Nash does, in fact, apologize, and he offers EY a spot in The Band. Eric thinks about it, but coldcocks Nash before getting jumped by the whole group. RVD and Jeff Hardy make the save. There was already a six man tag tonight between these groups, but Jeff Hardy grabs the mic and announces that it will now be a steel cage match. Then he kind of sort of sings along with his entrance theme, but he's awful at it.

Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian & Shannon Moore
the Prince of Punk goes right after Doug Williams the second the match starts, but almost immediately tags out to Kazarian, which is a weird way to start. The announcers are focusing on Doug feuding with the entire style of the X-Division and play up tension between he and his partner Kendrick. That isn't really playing out in the ring. Kendrick takes over the match, beating on Kazarian for awhile until both men tag out. Moore then gets a couple high flying moves and almost a three count, but Kendrick makes the save (again undermining the announcers). Kendrick eats an UGLY German Suplex from Kaz where he lands directly on his own head. He looks hurt for real. Wait, Doug just pulled him back in front of a Shannon Moore Buff Blockbuster for the three count. Went about 4 1/2 minutes and had decent action but didn't tell much of a coherent story. Shannon Moore scribbles on Kendrick's face with black eyeliner or whatever as Doug Williams escapes.

Eric Bischoff is in his office, ostensibly speaking to Hulk on the phone. He has a new assistant, Miss Tessmacher. He tells her to keep someone out of his office tonight. When she asks who, Black Machismo bursts into the office. He's written out the card tonight, and it is full of the '80s stars you would expect. Bisch tells him to come up with a plan for tonight's main event (despite us establishing the six man cage match as our main event) and Machismo rushes out as quick as he came. Bisch sends Miss Tessmacher out to find Beer Money.

The Pope struts down to the ring. He is looking fly and not limping. Tenay and Taz let us know that he'll be facing Desmond Wolfe tonight (again?) So Pope talks about his upcoming title match vs. AJ Styles. He tells Ric Flair that he was a "Nature Boy" 50 years ago, so it's time to grow up. Here in 2026, i don't think Flair has gotten that memo yet. He's fired up! He prophesizes that he'll be ending Lockdown with the TNA World TItle around his waist. Chelsea confidently walks down to the ring. Pope spits some game to her, and she plays into it and leads him on ("i've wanted to be a, how do you say it, a ho"). This is dumb. Desmond Wolfe enters the ring to attack him from behind, but Pope saw it coming, stomped out Wolfe a bit, then kisses Chelsea.

grainy home video footage of Samoa Joe. He says "they have spoken. and the results will be different". no context. The last we saw him, he was kidnapped by faceless people.

Orlando Jordan, wrapped in caution tape, is lowered from the ceiling. He crawls around the ring and the entrance ramp. I think this is supposed to be like a sensual thing, but it's REALLY fucking dumb. He wanders around a bit, then poses in front of the set. a wall slides back to reveal a bedroom (?) set with a man and a woman sitting there. OK, this continued to get even dumber.

Knockouts Title / First Blood Match: Tara (c) vs. Daffney
pre-match, JB backstage with Tara. She says this is about revenge, because Daffney stole her spider. Daffney ambushes her and they brawl around the backstage area. This is just awkward brawling.
Back from commercial and the two ladies are brawling through the entrance tunnel. The bell rings to start the match. They head to the announce table and Tenay looks extremely uncomfortable. Tara drags Daffney down some stairs. This brawling is much improved. Daffney wraps a camera cord around Tara's neck and drags her ringside. Daffney tries to stab Tara with a broken broomstick. Tara gets out and lands the Widow's Peak. Tara swings the toolbox and smashes Daffney in the head. The referee calls the match because he sees blood, but we don't see it. Wait, now we get a closeup view, and it is the smallest trickle of blood i've ever seen in a match like this. Daffney laughs hysterically. This went a bit under 5 minutes total, counting the backstage bit, and i feel like it missed the mark they were shooting for.

non-TNA World TItle match: Jeff Jarrett vs. AJ Styles (c)
Jarrett has his entrance music and pyro again. AJ comes out solo, but then Chelsea wheels Flair out. AJ outquicks JJ from the outset. Flair approves. JJ takes a moment to regroup and then starts taking over. Flair does not approve. Obligatory ringside brawl. this one lasts just long enough for JJ to toss AJ into the guardrail a single time before rolling him back in. AJ jumps him upon reentry and starts working over the leg. He locks on the Figure 4 with almost no build. When AJ grabs Flair's extended cane for leverage the referee catches it but does nothing to actually break the hold. But it gives JJ the chance to take over and lock in a Figure 4 of his own. Flair knocks the knuckles of JJ with said cane, and this time the ref calls security to eject Flair.
Back from break, and AJ has regained control. This heel AJ does a lot of chinlocks and other non-high flying moves. JJ speeds it back up with a few clotheslines and a big back body drop. Then he lands a Pedigree (!) for a two count. JJ comes off the second rope with a double axehandle, but AJ sidesteps and turns it into a sort of suplex. AJ with a springboard forearm but only two. JJ blocks a Styles Clash and lands a wheelbarrow suplex of his own. Chelsea and Flair are back out here, which distracts the referee and leads to a ref bump. JJ gets a visible three count after a top rope Stroke. Bischoff enters with a guitar and tries to KABONG Jarrett, but Jarrett blocks it and rears back to hit Bischoff, only to be low blowed by AJ. A Styles Clash, and Bisch wakes up the ref to make the three. AJ's hand is a bloody mess- he caught the neck of the guitar when he threw the low blow. This went like 13 minutes, which is an eternity in Impact Time, but the finish was an overbooked mess. This was fine, but i also don't think it was compelling enough to warrant this much time.

JB backstage with Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy. EY feels disrespected by what happened earlier. RVD with words of advice that he has to fight twice as hard now that he's on top. And Hardy makes some correlation to 'climbing the ladder' that didn't really make sense. EY closes it off by saying that he 'traded up'.
Machismo offers up tonight's main event to Bischoff: Brutus the Barber Beefcake vs. the Model! Bisch says there's only one true main eventer here tonight: Machismo himself! He sends Machismo to the ring because his match is next!

"Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money, Inc.
oh good, we get another handicap match featuring Beer Money. i guess this is a step up from the Harris Brothers.
This is operated Tornado style, so Beer Money just double team Lethal from the start. Out of nowhere, James Storm takes a swig of beer and Machismo rolls up Roode for the three count. Under 2 1/2 minutes. This could've been worse. Bischoff, in his office, has an incredulous look on his face.

Update on Hernandez after getting kicked in the head against the ringpost. They give an injury status and say he will likely be out for several months. I thought this would include stripping him/them of the tag belts, but i guess we'll save that for next week, as Taz tells us that Matt Morgan will address the situation then.

Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea) vs. the Pope
The bell rings, Pope turns his corner, and Wolfe jumps him. That was terrible ring awareness on Pope's part. Wolfe locks on an Indian Deathlock but Pope reverses it in seconds. Wolfe slams Pope's face into the turnbuckle, but he keeps turning his focus to Chelsea. Pope fights back and uses his speed to turn the tide back in his favor. He lands his elevated elbow in the corner. Chelsea distracts the ref as Wolfe wraps a chain around his hand. He punches Pope right in the face and gets the three count. About 4 minutes. Another match that was fine, but also didn't add anything to the ongoing narrative.

The steel cage is set up, but Kurt Angle comes out in a suit. Kurt, speaking to Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson, tells him that he (Angle) is an athlete. He prides himself on being physically in control. By being better than his opponent and following the rules. But he lost control at the last PPV. It won't happen again, but he will defeat him when they face off in the steel cage at Lockdown.
~~Ken~~Anderson comes out to talk too. They'll face off next week in a Ladder Match, to earn the Key to the Cage. He says the better man will NOT win next week, because Angle is a better man than he. ~~Ken~~Anderson says he's an ASSHOLE, and HE will be the one winning.
I think they're implying that you need the key to win the cage match, but that doesn't really seem to make any sense to me.

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Eric Young, Rob Van Dam, & Jeff Hardy
Angle is still exiting when the Band enters. Nash and Angle TOO SWEET each other as they pass. Thankfully no Bubba this time.
All six men brawl on the entrance ramp, because of course they do that in a cage match. Syxx lays out Eric on the floor and then locks the cage door, giving the Band a 3-on-2 advantage. The Band just casually beat the two men up. When RVD and Hardy start making their comeback, Hall and Nash each lean in a corner while Syxx takes a beating. Nash takes a spinning neckbreaker! Young FINALLY starts scaling the cage to even the odds, but Syxx catches him up there and then EY lays around for a while. RVD and Hardy both land top rope moves, then EY comes off the top of the cage with an elbow drop onto Syxx. He gets a three count, so the faces win an absolutely meaningless 4 minute cage match. All of this was JUST so EY could get a pop coming off the cage.

Christy Hemme backstage with Abyss. He's out to stop Ric Flair, and especially his former mentor Sting. His first teammate for Lethal Lockdown is Jeff Jarrett.

TV Rating: 0.62 (vs. 1.33 in 2009) - HOLY SHIT THAT IS BAD. a 50% drop year-over-year, and about a 25% drop from last week's already low rating. I wonder if there was stiff competition? I'm not going to try to look it up. Next week has a special start time, so i'm curious how that plays out. They must have mentioned the time more than a dozen times.

i didn't hate this show, but so little of this is clicking for me. I was glad to see Jay Lethal again. I hope it leads to something and wasn't a one week thing. i really hate that the X-Division has sunk so low in importance. And the tag division too. and the knockouts. But hey, at least we get Jeff Jarrett elevated back to the main event level again. Funny how the last two weeks, he's gotten the longest matches.

twiztor · May 12

April 5, 2010
"Advantage: Team Flair"

i am in a very neutral headspace right now. i am predicting a show review that doesn't have a lot of strong feelings one way or the other.

Spoiler

We kick off with a backstage interview with the Beautiful People. There's an 8 KnockOut "Lock Box Showdown" tonight, which is a Survivor Series-style, but with the addition of lock boxes for some reason? the ladies could win the KO Title, or one of the boxes has the recipient have to strip. So yeah, that's going to be a certified classic i'm sure.

Hulk Hogan leads Abyss and Jeff Jarrett to the ring. Hogan barks for some reason as i try my hardest to tune this out. Abyss says it doesn't matter who the rest of Team Flair is. This brings out Flair and an entourage: Chelsea pushing him in the wheelchair, Desmond Wolfe going where his valet goes, Beer Money because they have no direction of their own, and Sting. He talks and big ups his Hall of Fame ring. Hogan tells him to shut up. Flair sends his team to the ring and says "don't say it, play it", which i don't quite understand. Jarrett grabs the mic and invites Sting and only Sting into the ring. JJ asks Sting why NOW does the darkside come out of him. Sting won't answer, so Jeff slaps him, which earns him a Scorpion Death Drop. Then Team Flair rushes the ring and we get a mini brawl until Jeff Hardy and RVD join the fray. So obviously the heels are losing this one, and Beer Money will be there to take the fall. A commercial break, and when we come back, we jump right into....

Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm
this is joined in progress, because why WOULDN'T we start our first match in our first commercial break? RVD has the early advantage with a 2nd rope kick that sends Storm to the outside. Storm turns the tables before long. He drapes RVD's feet on the ropes and delivers a DDT. DIXIE TWITTER PLUG IS BACK! This must have hyped RVD up, because he's making his comeback. Solid enziguri. they trade punches, capped off by an RVD kick that James Storm sells big for. Rolling Thunder only gets a two count. Storm with an enziguri of his own followed by the Eye of the Storm, but he only gets two as well. RVD back with a split legged moonsault and a three count. Goes just over 5 minutes and was a solid in-ring start to the show. James Storm crashes a beer bottle into RVD's face in retaliation for losing the match. Storm celebrates on the entrance ramp, which leads Jeff Hardy to attacking him. But that brings out Robert Roode who gives Jeff a big ass spinebuster.

Christy Hemme backstage with one of the teams tonight: Tara, Angelina Love, Hamada, and ODB! we haven't seen ODB in a while, and she was feuding with Tara, so this is a little bit of whiplash, but it's good to see her back on screen. ODB says she doesn't care about the KO title, she wants a title shot against the World Champ! She said it in a less professional way, but i'm a gentleman.

Global Title: Homicide vs. Rob Terry (c)
hey, it's good to see Homicide again too! i hope this isn't the squash that Terry's last few matches have been, but i'm not holding big hopes for that.
Homicide jumps Terry immediately. Which Terry promptly no sells and chokeslams off the top. Homicide delivers some stiff chops in the corner, which Terry also no sells. Terry with a press slam. and then catches Homicide off the top into a front powerslam. That's the end. Homicide actually fought out of quite a bit of offense but put up a decent enough fight in this two minute match. Post-match, Homicide BLASTS Terry with a steel chair twice, which Terry no sells. That was a fucking hard hit! then he slams Homicide. Orlando Jordan shows up in a Mardi Gras mask and squirts lotion all over himself. holy shit, i forgot this happened. ugh.

Lock Box Showdown Elimination Match:
Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, & Hamada vs. Daffney & the Beautiful People
"Once a pinfall occurs, both Knockouts are Eliminated. Winner receives a Key to Open 1 of 4 Lockboxes"
Prizes: Knockouts Title, Open Contract, Poison, Perform a Striptease
1 minute in, Tara pins Madison after a Widow's Peak.
(during the commercial break) Daffney pins Hamada
Velvet pins ODB after a DDT. they actually wrestled for a couple minutes, but the match had been moving so fast that i was just waiting for the finish.
Lacey von Erich set up a 2nd rope moonsault, lands on her feet, then drops an elbow. That was a lot of useless motion. She missed it, which lets Angelina land the "Light's Out" flatliner to get the final key.
total match time: 4 1/2 minutes. we'll find out later tonight what they each won. i am on the edge of my seat.

Ladder Match: Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson vs. Kurt Angle
as a reminder, this is to earn the key that unlocks the cage for their upcoming PPV match. In this cage match, you can only win via escape through the door. i do not recall EVERY seeing a key matter in a cage match, but this certainly seems to be a night for stipulations on top of stipulations, so sure, why not.
Match starts immediately upon return from commercial and ~~Ken~~Anderson hits his rolling front fireman's carry. Then he rolls out of the ring to grab the ladder already. Angle eats a suplex onto the ladder. Kurt blocks another attempt and overhead belly-to-belly suplexes ~~Ken~~Anderson onto it instead. Ladder gets set up, and ~~Ken~~Anderson shoves it into Angle's head. Kurt is down for an inordinate amount of time and i'm sure that Kurt's paper-thin skin was torn open, but it was not. ~~Ken~~Anderson starts climbing the ladder, but Kurt Angle Slams him off. Kurt up now, but ~~Ken~~Anderson shoves the ladder over and Kurt tumbles all the way to the floor. he got caught up in the ropes a bit and took a bad landing. Now it's ~~Ken~~Anderson's turn to climb the ladder as if he weighed 2000 pounds. Angle missile dropkicks the ladder and i am amazed that ~~Ken~~Anderson didn't break his ankle with the way he landed. Angle lays him on top of the ladder, delivers a series of punches to the forehead, and goes up top for his picturesque moonsault. Angle starts climbing the ladder, but ~~Ken~~Anderson grabs the dogtag and uses it to choke Kurt. Kurt fights his way to the top of the ladder but ultimately succumbs to the choke. ~~Ken~~Anderson now on top and he's able to grab the key and the victory. This went about 10 minutes and was VERY effective and i enjoyed it quite a bit. ~~Ken~~Anderson ruins the moment by getting to the top of the entrance ramp and calling for his mic. It descends into his hand, and he tells us that he's headed to the back to celebrate his victory. not tonight's victory, but the one he's assured to have at the PPV.

Borash catches Hulk Hogan backstage. He (JB) makes the biggest face announcement ever by telling us that Bischoff is not here today. Hogan says he won't talk about personal business on screen (what?!?) then Bubba the Love Sponge butts in. Hogan questions why Bubba is hanging with the Band. They part, not very amicably. "Black Machismo" bursts in now. he apologizes for the whole 'Mega Powers Exploding' business and says that he doesn't see jealousy in Hogan's eyes, but power (HEEL TURN!) He says he's got Hogan's back from here on out.

The Band enter the arena. Bubba greets them.
Christy Hemme backstage with one half of the tag team champions, Matt Morgan. Morgan corrects her by saying he's the one and only tag champion. no partner needed. He refers to himself in the plural.

#1 Tag Team Contenders: MotorCity Machine Guns vs. Team 3D
apparently on a recent episode of Xplosion (the on screen graphic says "Explosion", but in my experience they've never titled it with an "E") they had this same match, but it ended in a double pin, so this is the rematch. Unfortunately, i am unable to find the Xplosion match.
Bubba and Sabin to start. They're trading the advantage, with Sabin's speed and quickness holding its own against Bubba's size and strength. Tags on both ends and the crowd starts chanting for tables. the match continues on that same 50/50 split, with neither team able to hold a sustained advantage. D-Von grabs a table, but The Band rushes out to beat up Team 3D. That leads to the DQ/no contest after a paltry 4 minutes. Well, that was shaping up to be a good one but quite the disappointing ending. The Band beats up the MMGs too. Syxx spraypaints Shelley.
back from commercial, the Band is still in the ring, and now Bubba joins them. a throwback "Fire Russo" chant. Nash announces that they're feuding with Hogan now too.

JB in the back with the Pope. oh what the fuck. He's facing Desmond Wolfe AGAIN tonight. This time, if Wolfe wins, Pope offers him to take his place vs. AJ at Lockdown.

X-Division champ Doug Williams comes to the ring. He proclaims an end to the acrobats running his division. He will now be going by his full name, Douglas Williams, and challenges Generation Me to a Gauntlet match.
Douglas Williams vs. Jeremy Buck
Jeremy holds his own, landing a moonsault, and a superkick before succumbing to the Chaos Theory suplex in under 90 seconds.
Douglas Williams vs. Max Buck
Max rushes the ring and takes it to Doug early. He keeps Douglas on the defensive, until Max goes up top. Doug trips him off and lands in a front chokehold for the immediate tapout. This was right about one minute long.
Post-match, Douglas refuses to break the hold, so Shannon Moore runs in for the save and runs Doug out. He challenges Doug to give him a title shot at Lockdown. Then he says "Welcome to Glam Rock" which means absolutely nothing whatsoever.

Christy Hemme meets up with Team 3D backstage. Bubba doesn't understand why the Band attacked them, but he's pissed. He challenges them for right here, first time ever, next week.

Desmond Wolfe vs. The Pope
i had to check Cagematch to confirm, but this is the FIFTH match between these two here in 2010. It's only APRIL! But interestingly, they have split this 2-2, so this is the rubber match. Cagematch also told me that last week was Impact #300, which is a pretty cool milestone that i wish i would have known when i watched it.
Wolfe gets the jobber intro for this, which doesn't seem to fit a de facto #1 contender's match participant, but here we are. Pope gets the full entrance, which gives Wolfe a chance to rush him on the ramp so they can start off with some light brawling. Also gives him a chance to jump him AGAIN as Pope enters the ring. Wolfe with his hammerlock DDT. He puts Pope up top for his Tower of London, but Pope fights out of it. He lands a series of punches, then a lungblower and the three count. This only went two minutes. Look, i understand that you need to make your title challenger look strong, but then why the whole deal with Wolfe beating him last week only to lose a meaningless match this week? Post match, AJ blindsides Pope and lands a Styles Clash. Abyss down to make the save and AJ retreats out of the ring. Wolfe, however attacks Abyss and now both heels are beating up both faces. Wolfe levels Abyss with a fire extinguisher as the announcers wonder aloud if Team Hogan can possibly recover.

OK, main event time: OPENING BOXES! i agree with the crowd earlier: Fire Russo. They have been overly hyping this ALL NIGHT LONG. Unsurprisingly, they're highlighting the striptease aspect of this.
Borash is our host and tells us the items have been placed "strategically in these boxes, completely at random". My contemplation on if that is possible is more engaging than what's on TV.
Velvet Sky wins an Open Contract. Any opponent, any stipulation, any time.
Tara regains her tarantula Poison. That means she lost the KO Title.
Angelina and Daffney open their boxes at the same time. Angelina Love is your new Knockouts Champion
Daffney must perform a striptease. This is dumb and disgusting. After Daffney reveals her shoulders, Lacey von Erich storms the ring, hits Daffney with the Ugly Stick, and dances in the ring. This is even dumber. Tara and Angelina brawl on the entrance ramp. Velvet cashes in her contract to challenge Angelina next week for the title in a "leather vs lace match".

TV Ratings: 0.9 (vs. 1.3 in 2009) that's a pretty good increase over last week, and in line with what they were getting the weeks before that, which definitely seems to imply that there must have been some major competition last week.

well, i liked the ladder match a hell of a lot more than i thought i would. the over the top hype for the Lock Box Showdown and the STRIPTEASE~! was everything i hate about WWE. a tiebreaker #1 contender match going 2 minutes was a waste. a #1 tag contender match ending with an unrelated run-in was just as much of a waste. Homicide returning for the first time in 3 months only to get squashed by Rob Terry was a pointless waste. RVD vs. James Storm was fine.

i think i've finally put my finger on the thing that encapsulates what i dislike most about the Hogan era of TNA. it feels smaller. the company has killed off its challenger vibe. By catering to what Hogan/Bischoff/Dixie thinks the mainstream wrestling fan wants, the whole identity of the company ceased to exist. It had always had the negative aura of "WWE Lite", but this run is really cementing that this is exactly what they want to be. On top of that, the roster has shrunk exponentially, which is another reason that we're getting so many rematches. Pope is a great athlete and a good wrestler. Wolfe is a fantastic wrestler. They're both positioned near the top of the card. But they've now run that match FIVE times in about 12 weeks. And most of those times had an unsatisfying conclusion. And do i even need to mention that essentially eliminating the X- and Knockouts- Divisions destroyed so many opportunities for wrestlers with different presentations. It's just a small, disappointing tv show now.

zendragon · May 12

Was Russo actually involved in the company during this time?

twiztor · May 13

16 hours ago, zendragon said:

Was Russo actually involved in the company during this time?

yes, he was head writer at this time. also on the team was Ed Ferrara, Jeremy Borash, and Matt somebody. i remember there were RUMBLINGZ~! about how Hulk/Bischoff would work with Russo after Bash at the Beach 2000, but i don't recall any major issues.

twiztor · May 16

April 12, 2010

i've had a couple drinks, just ate a delicious pizza, and i'm feeling pretty good. Let the massacre resume!

Last week, they talked about this episode having a special start time (8pm Eastern), but now they're saying it's their new permanent home. Again, permanent is relative. I do wonder if i misinterpreted what they said twenty times last week or if this is a new wrinkle.

Spoiler

Jeff Jarrett stalks to the ring in our cold open. He says this company is called Total Nonstop ACTION, so he's not calling Sting out to talk. He's bringing the Action to him. Then he heads up the stairs to the rafters, where he blindsides Sting. Sting takes a bump down the stairs, which you wouldn't expect. They brawl all the way back to the ring, all the while Jarrett screaming at Sting to "give me an answer". The lights go out, and when they come back on, Sting has recovered and puts a beating on Jarrett using the baseball bat. Jeff Hardy runs down to make the save and Sting bails. RVD and Abyss join Hardy in the ring too. I think all three men rushed down together, but the cameras only showed Hardy.

Borash backstage with Ric Flair (still in a wheelchair), Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, Chelsea, and AJ Styles. Flair rants and rambles like he always does. Roode is facing Jeff Hardy tonight. Wolfe is going to tame the beast that is Abyss. wait, AJ clarifies that it will be a tag match, AJ/Wolfe vs. Pope/Abyss.

Tenay and Taz are talking when Team 3D and Jesse Neal storm the commentator's booth. They're facing the Band tonight, and Bubba announces it will be a New York City Street Fight, and it's next.
Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. the Band (Nash, Hall, Syxx)
as we come back from commercial, the match is on and already chaos. I guess this was supposed to be a tag match, but now it's a falls count anywhere six man brawl. The Band is getting totally decimated. They don't get a single shot of offense in for the first two minutes, until Syxx throws a trash can into Jesse Neal's face. Then the beating resumes for the next few minutes. Dudleyz set up a table. Giant back body drop from Bubba to Syxx, and Syxx gets laid on the table. Bubba the Love Sponge runs down, distracts Bubba, and Syxx delivers a top rope X-Factor through the table for the win. Match goes just short of 6 minutes and the most surprising part was just how completely dominated the Band was. The Band has an instrumental ripoff of the nWo Wolfpac theme, and i can't believe they didn't get sued with how similar it is. Syxx gloats in his victory until Eric Young runs down with a hockey stick. He grabs a mic and calls out Nash for a cage match this weekend at the PPV.

Christy Hemme walks backstage with Hulk Hogan. the Hulkster is confident in his team for Lethal Lockdown. Hogan then catches Bischoff chatting with Ric Flair. The feud simmers!

Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian
oh good, Shannon Moore is on my TV again. They make a reference to Kazarian being the #1 contender, despite Moore calling out the champ last week. DIXIE TWITTER PLUG!! Kaz grabs a side headlock and holds onto it through a couple of transistions. They trade arm wringers, and submission moves, and technical takedowns. They're trying to show that they're more than the generic high flying, but neither the announcers nor the crowd seem to be picking up on that. Kazarian down, Moore grabs both legs as if he's about to apply a Scorpion Deathlock, but then he leaps through into a leg drop. Now the pace and aerial maneuvers are picking up. Wait, as soon as i type that, they're brawling at ringside. Back inside, and Kaz with three consecutive whips into the corner. Douglas Williams joins us on commentary duties. Moore messes up a wheelbarrow-into-armdrag and Kaz faceplants the mat. Moore capitalizes on the opportunity with some jumping strong clotheslines, and they're outside brawling again. Moore off the second rope to the floor with a rounding moonsault. He sends Kaz inside and lands a jumping hurracanrana, but that only nets a two count. Kaz catches Moore on his shoulders and bridges backwards into a pin (which looked pretty great) but only gets a two of his own. Williams is tisk-tisking these guys going to the top rope again. Moore now with a spinning moonsault that i bought as the finish, but was only two. They do a short version of the dueling two counts. Williams points out that the crowd doesn't care (which seems less than ideal). The bell rings as we hit our 10 minute time limit. This was good but lacked heat. Williams berates both men for shaking hands after the match. They chase him to the back.

Borash in the back with Velvet Sky. Her "Leather & Lace" match tonight vs. Angelina Love will NOT be for the title. Instead, it will be up for grabs in this weekend's tag team match. That seems like something the #1 Contender shouldn't really be asking for, but here we are.

Hulk and Bisch are having a meeting in the office. Hulk questions everything Bisch did over the last couple weeks. Bisch refuses to apologize. Hulk asks why Bischoff was "conniving" with Flair, to which Bischoff takes huge offense. Bisch says he's trying to gain Flair's confidence to ultimately help Hulk and Team Hogan. Bisch storms out, Hulk sighs and shakes his head, and in bursts Black Machismo. Lethal says something along the lines of 'you'll never guess what they did', to which Hulk asks "They didn't play 'Be A Man, Hulk', did they?" which popped me bigly. Lethal again proposes reforming the Mega Powers.

Borash with new Knockouts champ Angelina Love. She questions Velvet's intelligence in her choice of match. Love says she came to this company to be the best wrestler, which is obviously a long ways from the truth. Tara interjects herself and asks a similar question to mine last week. What kind of competitor accepts a championship from a KEY? they continue to have words.
Other backstage, Christy Hemme is with Pope and Abyss. Pope says Lockdown will be the defining moment in his career, and maybe his life. Abyss redirects that energy to tonight's tag match. He says a fire extinguisher wouldn't stop him last week, so Wolfe better bring the whole fire truck. Abyss vows to Hogan that he won't let him down tonight.

Non-Knockouts Title / Leather & Lace Match: Angelina Love (c) vs. Velvet Sky
this is better known as a Bra & Panties match, so you know what you're getting from the jump.
Velvet comes to the entrance ramp, but says this will NOT be a "Leather & Lace" match. It will now be a "Angelina Love gets handcuffed match". the ref puts the cuffs on Angelina as we go to break.
After the commercials, Velvet takes her sweet time getting to the ring. Angelina jumps her with stomps and kicks to kick it off. Velvet floors her with a shot from the KO tag belt. Velvet now says it's also an "I Quit" match- and i guess the referee knew all of this would happen since he had the handcuffs ready and didn't call for the DQ. Velvet beats on Angelina. She repeatedly slams her head into the mat, then whips her with the riding crop that she is inexplicably carrying. Velvet rips off Angelina's shirt to entice the forbidden phrase. Madison Rayne and Lacey von Erich run down to assist in the beatdown, but Tara runs down for the save. TBP escape to the outside while Tara unlocks the cuffs. The bell hasn't rung to end the match. Tara and Angelina are just kind of standing in the ring, half looking at each other, and i'm waiting for something....anything....to happen. Angelina extends a handshake, but Tara refuses and walks off. the "match" portion went somewhere between 3 and 4 minutes, depending on when you consider it finished. Too much going on in too short of a time to be considered good. and IMO Velvet just looks like a complete idiot for wasting her "any match, any stipulation, any time" contract.

Camera cut to outside the arena with Christy Hemme reporting that Abyss has been laid out. Abyss was hit by a car (this happened off screen, of course).

Jeremy Borash backstage with Matt Morgan. MM says he doesn't need a tag partner, but TNA forced his hand, so he found a partner. Enter Amazing Red. Morgan (still referring to himself in the plural) puts over Red but makes it clear that he is THE champ, and Red is the junior member. Morgan offers up a high five, which Red jumps and accepts.

Tag Team Titles Match: MotorCity Machine Guns vs. Matt Morgan (c) & Amazing Red
Tenay tells us the MMGs are the #1 Tag Contenders, which isn't exactly what happened last week, but OK. The ring announcer specifically says "and, defending the TNA World Tag Team Championship, the Amazing Red and 'the Blueprint' Matt Morgan", which tells me that Red is not an official tag champ. Am I too concerned with pedantry? No, i would say i am the perfect amount of pedant.
To my somewhat surprise, Matt Morgan starts the match against Shelley. Tenay clarifies that MMGs were the #1 Tag Contenders and put THAT status on the line against Team 3D both on Xplosion and last week on Impact. Since both matches ended inconclusively, MMGs retain that title shot. I don't recall them becoming the top challengers, but i can accept this explanation. To less surprise, Morgan dominates both MMGs leading in to the commercial break.
After the ads, Amazing Red is facing off with Chris Sabin. Tenay specifically says that Morgan is defending with "his partner for tonight", which solidifies my tag title claim. Red uses his quickness to stay competitive with the Guns, but their superior teamwork ultimately puts them in control. Tenay tells us that there is security footage of the backstage incident involving Abyss. Red springboards into the ring, but Sabin catches him in a suplex-like hold. Shelley joins in and they slam Red down. That was awesome! Morgan, on the apron, drags Red into their corner and tags himself in. Then he singlehandedly beats up both Guns again. Their quickness and double team tactics gain them a short term advantage, but he kicks out of a big assisted dropkick/slam and then cowardly tags out to Red. Competitive sequence until Morgan rushes the ring and lays them both out. Morgan celebrates and sets Sabin up for the Hellavator, but Red (the legal man BTW) with a Code Red on Shelley for the pinfall. Red tries to celebrate with Morgan, but Matt is offended that Red would dare to earn the pinfall, so Morgan beats him up too. He tries to deliver the same Carbon Footprint against the ringpost, but Chris Sabin makes the save. Solid-to-good match that went about 5 1/2 minutes. I don't love the #1 contender MMGs losing cleanly and fairly easily to a makeshit tag team that immediately splits, but i also can't say i'm surprised.

We see the security footage of Abyss being run over by a white ~~hummer~~ car. I think the driver is supposed to be Desmond Wolfe, but it's fairly grainy, so i'm not entirely sure. It actually looks as much like Taz as it does Wolfe. Abyss is still lying on the concrete in the parking area, which seems like a failure on the EMTs part.

Robert Roode vs. Jeff Hardy
Jeff Hardy treating this like a showcase match for the first couple minutes, until he goes for the Twist of Fate at around the two minute mark. Roode slides to the outside and clearly has the advantage out here, slamming Jeff into the guardrail before sliding him back into the ring. This has turned the tide of the match, even allowing Roode to land a second rope kneedrop to Jeff's chest. This only earns a two count, so Roode locks in a rear chinlock. Hardy fights back and we get the ol' 50/50 punches. Jeff starts to take over the match and goes for the Twist of Fate again. Roode is ready for it again, shoving him into the ropes and catching him with the big spinebuster on the rebound. Jeff Hardy with a Stunner (?!?) then goes up top to likely deliver his Swanton Bomb. James Storm down to distract, but Hardy fights him and Roode both off and delivers the Swanton Bomb after all. This gets him the pin at about the 6 minute mark, but Storm immediately jumps him. The crowd chants "R-V-D". Storm seemingly sets up breaking a bottle over Hardy's head, but instead blows a fireball in Hardy's face. We don't see it, of course, as the camera freezes and we have to take Tenay's word for it. This brings out RVD, but Beer Money collectively beats him up too. After the break, they replay the fireball moment, but they still don't actually show it. Tenay tells us we can watch it on the TNA website, but gives us the 'graphic warning' speech. (i found it on youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6qwmUwQdqU and while calling it a 'fireball' is a bit much, it does look pretty good.)

a video package for the upcoming Kurt Angle vs. Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson match.

Borash backstage with the Pope. He seems unsure of what's about to happen out there tonight, when Black Machismo spirals onto the scene, announces that he'll be helping "Slick" tonight against "the Model" and "Dynamite Kid" and then disappears just as quick as he appeared. Pope seems reassured at this latest development. I have to concur, as this is an upgrade.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the audience, in case you needed a refresher on what year this is.

"the Pope" D'Angelo Dinero & "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs. AJ "Stylin' & Proflin'" Styles & Desmond Wolfe (and also Chelsea wheeling Ric Flair out)
Beer Money jump Lethal backstage before he makes his entrance. He is holding his own pretty good (remember, he beat them in a handicap match a couple weeks back) until Storm cracks a bottle over his head.
Flair hands AJ a microphone, who says this is going to be a handicap match. But as Wolfe poses on the entrance ramp, Hulk Hogan hits him from behind with a steel chair. So with 3 minutes 15 seconds left in the show, Pope and AJ brawl on the entrance ramp and the ringside area. Pope rolls AJ into the ring with 2:30 left. The ref does NOT call for the bell to officially start the match. Tenay tells us that Jeff Hardy is uninjured after the fireball, which makes it feel like that whole situation was pointless. Flair gets out of the wheelchair and waylays Pope in the back with the title belt, and NOW the ref calls for the bell to throw the match out. I am irrationally angry at the misuse of the ringbell tonight. AJ, Flair, and Beer Money dismantle Pope. Hulk stands tall in defiance on the entrance ramp, because of course he does.

TV Rating: 0.8 (vs 1.28 in 2009)

this was a pretty action packed episode. maybe it's the pizza, or maybe the booze, but this was a pretty good episode. It wasn't perfect, but probably the best of the Hogan era. But don't get me started on the misuse of the bell. I am a stickler for that sort of thing...i still hold a grudge about the Undertaker vs. Kane match from SummerSlam 2000. If anybody even gets that reference i will be surprised.

minimum Bischoff was the real winner tonight. He was effective (enough) in his segments. the tension with he and Hogan didn't feel overdone. There were only a couple in-ring talking segments, and they were all directly connected to action. this was good. have they finally figured out a winning formula? Let's find out Monday (or possibly sooner?) when TNA Lockdown 2010 is broadcast directly from 2010 into my 2026 eyeballs!

zendragon · May 16

Real shame we never got a "duck soup" with Savage (who did make an appearance in TNA) and Black Machismo

zendragon · May 17

Is this the era where Bully Ray is constantly pulling on his pants? I wanted Mike Tenay to talk about it like it was his version of Lawler Dropping the Strap.

Devon makes hot tag to bully "BULLY RAY MEANS BUSSINESS, HE'S HITCHEN UP THE BRITCHES!!!"

twiztor · May 19

TNA LOCKDOWN 2010
4/18/2010 LIVE @ St. Louis, MO

Welcome to TNA's All Steel Cage PPV!

Spoiler

right off the bat, the camera pans over the crowd. The steel cage/ring gives off an inferior visual spectacle than the 6 sided one of the last few years. i think i mentioned earlier that i was saddened to see the loss of the 6 sided ring, but it wasn't a sticking point for me. I have to say that this is the first time that i've really felt like it detracted from the presentation. Even Ultimate-X last month didn't make me lament the loss, so it feels kind of weird that a steel cage would instead.
Tenay & Taz welcome us to the show. Tenay lets us know that X-Division champ Douglas Williams has been grounded in the UK (due to the Icelandic volcano eruption, which i had 100% forgotten about), so he's stripped of the belt. Also Syxx did not show up. Also Eric Bischoff isn't here, but this one feels more like part an angle.

Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm
This match will determine which team will get the man advantage in Lethal Lockdown tonight. i don't remember them mentioning this match, but it may have been brought up as part of a video package that i ignored. RVD jumpstarts the match by dropkicking the cage door into Storm. This gives them an opportunity to brawl outside the ring/cage first. I wonder if every match tonight will involve some outside-the-cage antics? My guess is yes. RVD gets thrown into the steel steps and he is busted open. They're back in the cage and the match officially starts after about 2 minutes. There is a stream of blood flowing directly down RVD's face and it looks pretty badass. RVD misses a monkey flip attempt in the corner, and Storm jumps at the chance by forearming RVD in the back and landing a snap neckbreaker in a nice sequence. There are a lot of tight camera shots due to the cage, and there's also a cameraperson standing in the corner so we get a lot of diagonal shots, and i have to say that it is distracting and makes the ring look small. They've been trading shots for a while. RVD with the split legged moonsault but only gets two. Storm spits beer in RVD's face and then connects with a big DDT, but now HE only gets two. That was just simple enough that i would have bought it as the finish. Storm telegraphs a superkick, but RVD ducks and lands his stepover enziguri-like kick. Then he lands the 5 star frogsplash and the pin. Match (including pre-match brawl) goes a respectable 9 minutes. It was perfectly fine, but neither man went all out, i assume because they have a match later tonight. I am surprised that the faces get the advantage for TNA's WarGames knockoff match.

Christy Hemme backstage with the Hulkster. Hogan says his team has been beaten up pretty bad lately. He laments how the heels have gone above and beyond to hurt his teammates, but the fact that all of his team is here tonight is a sign that they won't be stopped. He says that if Flair demolishes Team Hogan tonight, there's nothing left for the Hulkster. Hemme tries to act scared and afraid that Hogan might leave the company, but it comes off fake as hell. Hogan says it again (but stops well short of saying he'll actually leave or anything). Hemme asks about Bischoff, and Hogan says he brought Eric in to help and that he's done worrying about it.

X-Division X-scape Match: Homicide vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley
the winner of this match joins Kazarian and Shannon Moore in a match later tonight to crown a new X-Division Champion. I know the stipulation is new, but was the match announced ahead of time? I don't remember them mentioning this one, either.
Homicide rushes the cageside to get out right away, which is probably a smart move after his issues climbing the birdcage a couple months ago. This is, essentially, a tornado tag match as MMGs operate as a unit. Kendrick is busted open like a minute in. I missed what caused it, so he must have been thrown headfirst into the cage. Homicide and Kendrick have formed a loose alliance, but it feels tenuous at best. Kendrick hangs Shelley in the tree of woe and then just goes to TOWN with punches to the, er... groin. Or, to quote Taz, "he's wearing out the yambag!" Homicide with the Cop Killer on Sabin. He rushes the up the cage while Kendrick is distracted, and he is over the top. Kendrick looks offended that Homicide outsmarted him. Homicide drops to the floor. This had good action, of course. How could it not, with the competitors involved? But it felt like empty calories. There's just no storyline going in, no connection between any of these guys, and no history to speak of either. And 5 minutes just wasn't enough to establish all of that and overcome. well, we're 2/2 on blood but only 1/2 for ringside brawling.

Eric Young vs. Kevin Nash
Nash rears back with a big right hand, but Eric starts off with speed, bouncing off the ropes, sliding between Nash's legs, and delivering a solid leg kick. Young has to keep stopping and waiting for Nash to be ready. Really broke up the flow this early. Low blow from Nash and thus ends the speed portion of this match. EY keeps calling for Nash to 'bring it on', and i think they're going for a sort of rope-a-dope story, but EY keeps eating the offense, so it doesn't really land. These guys just do NOT have good timing together. Nash picks EY up and rams him headfirst into the cage, which surprisingly does not draw blood. Jacknife powerbomb and that's the finish. wait, Eric is in fact bleeding now. Tenay is trying to praise EY's toughness and 'never say die' attitude, but the match went under five minutes and EY lost cleanly. Poor Eric Young.

All Titles on the Line: Tag Champs The Beautiful People (with Lacey von Erich) vs. Tara (with Poison and STL Cardinals cap) & KnockOuts Champ Angelina Love
OHH, now i understand Velvet's promo from last Monday. i didn't make the connection that she was defending her tag belts but also challenging for the KO title. Angelina does NOT need to be pinned to lose her belt.
Angelina starts off by taking Velvet down and raining punches on her. She's takes it to her for a bit before Velvet escapes and tags in Madison, but Angelina gives her the business as well. Tara tags in and also dominates. TBP do some cheating and Tara is now on the receiving end. It's also short lived, so Tara unintelligently goes to the top rope and misses a moonsault. Damn girl, you landed like a single back elbow. Why would you go for that already? The faces have some communication issues and i think they're doing some sort of one-upsmanship. Ref distracted, Lacey enters the cage, wallops Tara with a belt. Madison pins her and becomes the new champ. This was a heatless match, and they are in serious danger of hotshotting this title from one meaningless champ to another. In good news, it only wasted 5 minutes of my time. Post match, Angelina looks pissed at how things developed, but she swallows her emotions and helps Tara up. Tara repays her to stabbing her in the back and ramming her face into the cage. No blood this time.

Jeremy Borash in the back with Team Flair and AJ Styles. Flair does his best to give himself a coronary, but to my disappointment he doesn't deliver. He's here to chase Hogan straight out of TNA. He delivers about 38 WOOs. AJ Styles is the longest reigning TNA World Champion and doesn't plan on losing it to a bum like Pope.

X-Division Title: Homicide vs. Kazarian vs. Shannon Moore
"The Prince of Punk" Shannon Moore is here representing Glam Rock, Tenay tells us. i can't get over that. Does nobody involved here know that those are two distinct music genres? Kaz and Moore team up against Homicide to start, but their alliance is even more tenuous than Homicide's was with Kendrick earlier. None of the three men are able to hold any sort of advantage, as the third man lies in wait for an opportunity. All three men on the top rope, Homicide hooks them both and delivers a Double Cutter, but can only get a two count on either of them. Moore with a moonsault onto Homicide. Kaz with a missile dropkick to Moore. more back-and-forth. Kaz grabs Moore, powerbomb style, and rams him facefirst on one side and then does powerbomb him into the far cage. Homicide grabs Moore for the Cop Killer, but Kaz pulls him away. Kaz immediately grabs Homicide and delivers a reverse inverted piledriver (now called the Deadeye by Hangman Page). Kaz celebrates without the belt, since Doug Williams still has it across the pond. This was about 9 minutes of solid action.

Christy Hemme in the back with the Pope. Pope reminds us all that he's already faced AJ Styles (nothing stylish about him, BTW), and Pope walked away with the win then, and he'll walk away with the gold tonight.

Team 3D vs. Scott Hall and Kevin Nash
Nash announced after he annihilated Eric Young that he will be replacing Syxx's no-show absense. Bubba grabs the mic, demands the cage door stays open, and now calls this a St. Louis Streetfight. So this is No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere.
Dudleyz rush the Outsiders on the entrance ramp. Hall pretty much immediately sets up the Razor's Edge but gets backdropped on the ramp. All 4 men brawl into the crowd, and the crowd is LOVING this. This was all Dudleyz for the first couple minutes, until they isolate D-Von in the ring with Bubba trapped outside. the Outsiders work this like a tag match, with one man holding the door closed while the other works over D-Von, and then trading. Eventually, Bubba breaks in with the help of a steel chair, and he takes it to both men. I'm trying to keep an eye out for him pulling up his pants, but he doesn't seem to reach for them. I didn't notice it in previous runs, so maybe it was the Aces & Eights angle? or his singles run? Or i just missed it. Dudleys bring in a table. Hall gets 3D'd through the table and that's the end. When i plowed through the entirety of ECW a few years ago, i got really sick of walking crowd brawls, but this wasn't bad. I can think of worse ways to spend 7 minutes. And once they got into the ring it was better than i expected.

Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson vs. Kurt Angle
TNA hates me, because ~~Ken~~Anderson stops on the entrance ramp to give us his whole introduction spiel. ~~Ken~~Anderson has the cage key around his neck. As a reminder, the only way to win this is to escape through the door, and ~~Ken~~Anderson has the only key. ~~Ken~~Anderson lands one blow and rushes to the door. Unsurprisingly, Angle stops him. ~~Ken~~Anderson then uses the key as a weapon with a flurry of punches to Angle's forehead. The key has been inserted into the lock, so in less than two minutes, ~~Ken~~Anderson has thrown away his advantage. He's obviously no Einstein. ~~Ken~~Anderson elevates Angle into the cage and now Kurt's forehead is just gushing blood. ~~Ken~~Anderson smears Angle's blood over his own body and continues to beat on him. ~~Ken~~Anderson takes his sweet ass time getting to the top rope. There is one trickle of blood coming from his head now too. Angle rushes him and tosses him off with an overhead belly-to-belly. ~~Ken~~Anderson chokes Angle with some tape from his wrist. Angle has taken a beating, and he spits out his mouthpiece in a bid to survive. ~~Ken~~Anderson chokes him nearly unconscious (like, he really is pulling this tight!) but Angle fights out and buys himself some time with a high angle back suplex. Angle is on a tear now and sets up the Angle Slam, but ~~Ken~~Anderson fights out of it and lands his fireman's carry forward roll. He instinctively goes for the pin, but lets off as he comes to the realization that pins don't matter. ~~Ken~~Anderson sets Angle up for the Mic Check, but Angle reverses it into a series of German Suplexes. Angle moves toward the cage door before deciding to deliver more punishment. He grabs the ankle, but ~~Ken~~Anderson escapes and lands the Mic Check. Angle now with the Angle Slam, and he goes back to re-close and re-lock the door. He throws the key into the crowd. Now he just stalks ~~Ken~~Anderson, who desperately tries to escape. Angle with a top rope german suplex. Angle with a SCARY looking moonsault off the top of the cage. Initial camera angle looked like he was off balance and landed right on ~~Ken~~Anderson's head. Subsequent angles don't look much better. Angle unlocks the cage (where/when did he get the key back?) and starts to walk out until ~~Ken~~Anderson gives him the ol' double bird, which brings Angle back inside. ~~Ken~~Anderson with the Mic Check and crawls to the door. But Kurt bounces back to life and grabs ~~Ken~~Anderson's ankle, securing his submission hold. ~~Ken~~Anderson taps like a madman, but there's no submissions in this match. ~~Ken~~Anderson forward rolls and Kurt smashes the cage face first. Now ~~Ken~~Anderson slides through the door, this time feet first, but Angle chokes him out with his dogtag/warrior medal. He spits on ~~Ken~~Anderson and casually steps over him to escape the cage and get the big revenge win. The crowd was very much into this match. It went 21 minutes- an eternity in TNA time- and did tried to do a little too much for my tastes. But the action was solid all around. Post-match, Angle grabs a mic and announces to the crowd that he's going to be stepping away from TNA for a little bit, but he'll come back with one mission: winning the TNA World Title. [Cagematch reveals that Kurt returns in 2 months.

TNA World Title: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero vs. AJ Styles (c) (with Ric Flair)
Earl Hebner sends Flair to the back. Flair and Heb get into a shouting and shoving match. This distracts AJ who also gets into a shouting match with Heb. The crowd chants "we want Flair". AJ tells Pope that the ref pissed him off, and now he's going to take it out on him.
Fairly methodical start to the match. A good old fashioned feeling out process that makes both men look pretty good. Crowd is giving us dueling chants of "Let's Go AJ"/"Pope Is Pimping". Pope is using his speed early, but also relying on his striking skills. Pope rushes AJ, who sidesteps and sends him into the cage. This leads to the first sustained advantage for him. AJ ups the ante by attacking the formerly injured leg. OK, it wasn't as sustained as i predicted, as Pope comes back fairly quickly with a series of running strikes and capped off by a big powerslam for a two count. AJ resorts to some high flying, coming off the top rope with a flying forearm, but it only gains him a two count. Pope now off the top rope with a diving headbutt, but still just a two. Pele for two the other way. AJ follows that up with a 450 splash from the middle of the top rope, but that also only garners a two count. AJ ALL the way to the top of the cage, but he misses a crossbody block. Pope immediately runs in with a rollup, but AJ kicks out at two. Pope connects with a lungblower, but it's still only good for a two. He sets up the DDE in the corner, but AJ sidesteps and attacks the cameraman. Oh, he stole an inkpen from him. He uses said pen to stab Pope in the eye. AJ connects with a big discus lariat, followed by the Styles Clash for the three count and successful title retention. This was a very good match. I like how it ramped up over the 13+ minutes. Can't say i loved the finish, but everything leading up to that was very solid.

Eric Bischoff enters the backstage area. Borash rushes up to him, but Bischoff looks at him with disgust and keeps walking.

Lethal Lockdown: Team Hogan vs. Team Flair
We start off with Abyss (with bag of thumbtacks) and Robert Roode for the opening five minute period. Abyss is wearing a red mask and his black outfit with yellow highlights (and a little bit of red). But notably not the one with red and yellow patches all over it. Abyss is still selling a leg injury from being hit by a car last week. Taz ruminates on how it is probably a bad choice to start the match with that sort of injury, and i don't disagree. Roode targets the leg early, but the power of Abyss is too much for him. Roode is never out of it and before the solo period is over, he is fully in charge. He lands a few power moves and a Buff Blockbuster.
Rob Van Dam is next out and has two minutes for the faces to work over Roode. He lands some typical offense and actually delivers his corner monkey flip this time. He also lands Rolling Thunder before sending Roode into the cage. RVD and Abyss await their next opponent...
Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea) powerwalks to the ring. With their attention turned, Roode low blows Abyss and the heels take over with generic battle royal style offense.
Jeff Jarrett (sans guitar) confidently walks to the ring. He sends both heels into the cage and gives them the ol' double noggin knocker and then sends them both into the cage again, this time simultaneously. He tries a hurracanrana for some reason but gets powerbombed and sent into the cage.
James Storm down to complete the Beer Money duo. He casually strolls down the ramp. He gives quick shots to two of his opponents before starting to enact revenge on RVD from earlier tonight. Jarrett with a stalling suplex on Roode.
Jeff Hardy is the final member of Team Hogan. He doesn't appear in the entrance tunnel, so the camera finds him in the back, laid out by Sting with his bat. The six men in the ring have paired off and are trading punches.
Sting with a slow determined walk to the cage, bat in hand. The roof, with weapons attached, lowers V-E-R-Y--S-L-O-W-L-Y. Lethal Lockdown has begun!
Wolfe and Beer Money immediately grab weapons to smash on their opponents' heads. Ironically, the action seems to have completely stopped besides big overhead weapon shots. The heels in complete control. Jarrett starts to fight back with trash can shots until Sting puts him back down with his bat. Beer Money with an assisted spear on Jarrett through the cage door to the floor. They follow him out and beat on him. Abyss, for the first time in seemingly 15 minutes, stands up. He pours out his bag of tacks and sets up Sting for a chokeslam, but Storm crashes a beer bottle over his head. Team Flair stops to celebrate all together. Now Jeff Hardy runs out withe kendo stick. He is no worse for wear and beats up both of Beer Money. This rallies Team Hogan. Jarrett smashes a guitar over Wolfe. RVD with a frog splash onto Wolfe. Abyss now DOES chokeslam Sting into the thumbtacks. Jeff Hardy climbs to the top of the cage and dares Beer Money to follow him up. They oblige, and he holds his own for a minute until the numbers advantage is too much for him. Why is there both a table and a ladder on top of the cage? Beer Money doesn't ponder the answer to that question and instead set up the table. Hardy is also not in the pondering game. He Twist of Fates Roode and lays Storm on the table, then sets up the ladder. Big splash onto Storm through the table. Everyone in the ring has just been lying there while all of this happens.
Ric Flair gets a grand entrance and jogs into the cage. He goes to work on Abyss and tries to steal the Hall of Fame ring, but now Hulk Hogan struts into the cage. YOU! Eric Bischoff runs out to calm the Hulkster down. He steps between Hogan and Flair and reminds Hulk that he promised to not get personally involved. Bisch pulls out a pair of brass knuckles and teases giving them to Flair, but IT'S A SWERVE, BRO! he tosses the knux to Hogan, who repeatedly punches Flair, busting him open, and smashes him into the cage multiple times. Flair (back) flop into the tacks. All of the actual match participants are still just lying there, for the record. Abyss picks a prone Wolfe off the mat and delivers a sort of Black Hole Slam for the pin.
This whole thing went over 30 minutes. The opening back-and-forth was good, but as soon as the lid lowered, it all went to shit. And of course, it had to end with Hulk Hogan being the one to save the day, because fuck this company.

why am i still bothering to watch this shitty wrestling promotion? how could they not find a spot for Jay Lethal, who has finally started to appear on tv again? Why are the MMGs in a thrown together fatal four way instead of an actual angle? Where is Samoa Joe? Christopher Daniels? Amazing Red? What happened to Rhino? And why have they so completely dismantled the KnockOuts division?

there's only three Impacts left before they return to Thursday nights. that's three too many.

SirSmUgly · May 19

On 5/15/2026 at 7:07 PM, twiztor said:

April 12, 2010

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. We don't see it, of course, as the camera freezes and we have to take Tenay's word for it. This brings out RVD, but Beer Money collectively beats him up too. After the break, they replay the fireball moment, but they still don't actually show it. Tenay tells us we can watch it on the TNA website, but gives us the 'graphic warning' speech. (i found it on youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6qwmUwQdqU and while calling it a 'fireball' is a bit much, it does look pretty good.)

I think "fireball' is fair, looking at that. I'd give it better than "pretty good." If your fireball looks like Dhalsim's Yoga Flame, I think it deserves an upgrade to "very good."

13 hours ago, twiztor said:

TNA LOCKDOWN 2010
4/18/2010 LIVE @ St. Louis, MO

Welcome to TNA's All Steel Cage PPV!

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Eric Young vs. Kevin Nash
Nash rears back with a big right hand, but Eric starts off with speed, bouncing off the ropes, sliding between Nash's legs, and delivering a solid leg kick. Young has to keep stopping and waiting for Nash to be ready. Really broke up the flow this early. Low blow from Nash and thus ends the speed portion of this match. EY keeps calling for Nash to 'bring it on', and i think they're going for a sort of rope-a-dope story, but EY keeps eating the offense, so it doesn't really land. These guys just do NOT have good timing together. Nash picks EY up and rams him headfirst into the cage, which surprisingly does not draw blood. Jacknife powerbomb and that's the finish. wait, Eric is in fact bleeding now. Tenay is trying to praise EY's toughness and 'never say die' attitude, but the match went under five minutes and EY lost cleanly. Poor Eric Young.

All Titles on the Line: Tag Champs The Beautiful People (with Lacey von Erich) vs. Tara (with Poison and STL Cardinals cap) & KnockOuts Champ Angelina Love
OHH, now i understand Velvet's promo from last Monday. i didn't make the connection that she was defending her tag belts but also challenging for the KO title. Angelina does NOT need to be pinned to lose her belt.
Angelina starts off by taking Velvet down and raining punches on her. She's takes it to her for a bit before Velvet escapes and tags in Madison, but Angelina gives her the business as well. Tara tags in and also dominates. TBP do some cheating and Tara is now on the receiving end. It's also short lived, so Tara unintelligently goes to the top rope and misses a moonsault. Damn girl, you landed like a single back elbow. Why would you go for that already? The faces have some communication issues and i think they're doing some sort of one-upsmanship. Ref distracted, Lacey enters the cage, wallops Tara with a belt. Madison pins her and becomes the new champ. This was a heatless match, and they are in serious danger of hotshotting this title from one meaningless champ to another. In good news, it only wasted 5 minutes of my time. Post match, Angelina looks pissed at how things developed, but she swallows her emotions and helps Tara up. Tara repays her to stabbing her in the back and ramming her face into the cage. No blood this time.

why am i still bothering to watch this shitty wrestling promotion? how could they not find a spot for Jay Lethal, who has finally started to appear on tv again? Why are the MMGs in a thrown together fatal four way instead of an actual angle? Where is Samoa Joe? Christopher Daniels? Amazing Red? What happened to Rhino? And why have they so completely dismantled the KnockOuts division?

there's only three Impacts left before they return to Thursday nights. that's three too many.

1. So you're saying that Kevin Nash didn't quite duplicate what he did for Booker T. in the cage at Fall Brawl with what he did for Eric Young at Lockdown? I guess since in the former match, Nash bladed and in the latter match, EY bladed, I probably have my answer. Seriously, you can really tell when Nash actualy has motivation to get a guy over (vs. Michaels at GFBE, vs. Booker at Fall Brawl 2000) and when he doesn't, and it's so obvious that I bet even casual viewers can somehow sense it.

2. Maybe it's been far too long and I'm only remembering the vague enjoyment of the division in 2008, but I have felt since I watched this stuff that TNA completely wasted the momentum the KOs division had in 2008. That division anchored by Kim, Kong, and Wilde was excellent, wasn't it? I felt that it gave TNA a real advantage over WWE, which was trailing about five or six years behind TNA in presenting women's wrestling as competition and not sideshow. And now look at what they're doing with this title. No offense to Victoria/Tara, but her act was stale for me in TNA, and I legitimately do not enjoy either Sky or Love in a prominent position. They should have been used more like a comedy heel jobber team who can cause havoc through backjumping than having them all up in these videos in prominent positions.

3. A lot of these TNA homegrowns are whatever - speaking of a guy like EY, for example, it's not a big deal if Nash squashed him because he's not particularly good or promising - but there are two homegrowns who need to be in prominent spots: AJ and Joe. It's not that hard, you know? (And yes, I see your complaint about the KOs division here, so you probably do agree with my second point, but it needed to be said after reading that match recap).

It's obvious what has happened here. Hogan and Bischoff are terrible at showrunning, and Hogan's on-screen presence (which I actually enjoy to some degree in TNA because he's toned it down and actually talks like a normal person who is annoyed at having to manage a funhouse full of demanding pro wrestlers) isn't enough to make up for this show feeling disorganized. Hell, it isn't even enough to make up for Bischoff regressing as an on-screen personality and channeling his mid-1999 nadir of annoying try-hardiness. But it doesn't actually matter. Vince Russo being in the room as a writer doesn't matter. Ultimately, all that matters is working the mark, and that mark is Dixie. They got a bunch of their washed friends and other vets in and handed them paydays and then looked at the KOs division and decided to center the two blonde women because who gives a shit about a women's division anyway? None of this matters. All that matters is getting paid. I mean, good for them, I guess. If Dixie could have held onto TNA forever, Hogan would have probably had a paycheck forever and wouldn't have had to sell pisswater or promote freestyle wrestling shows on Fox Nation or News or whatever before he croaked.

twiztor · May 19

8 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

I think "fireball' is fair, looking at that. I'd give it better than "pretty good." If your fireball looks like Dhalsim's Yoga Flame, I think it deserves an upgrade to "very good."

1. So you're saying that Kevin Nash didn't quite duplicate what he did for Booker T. in the cage at Fall Brawl with what he did for Eric Young at Lockdown? I guess since in the former match, Nash bladed and in the latter match, EY bladed, I probably have my answer. Seriously, you can really tell when Nash actualy has motivation to get a guy over (vs. Michaels at GFBE, vs. Booker at Fall Brawl 2000) and when he doesn't, and it's so obvious that I bet even casual viewers can somehow sense it.

2. Maybe it's been far too long and I'm only remembering the vague enjoyment of the division in 2008, but I have felt since I watched this stuff that TNA completely wasted the momentum the KOs division had in 2008. That division anchored by Kim, Kong, and Wilde was excellent, wasn't it? I felt that it gave TNA a real advantage over WWE, which was trailing about five or six years behind TNA in presenting women's wrestling as competition and not sideshow. And now look at what they're doing with this title. No offense to Victoria/Tara, but her act was stale for me in TNA, and I legitimately do not enjoy either Sky or Love in a prominent position. They should have been used more like a comedy heel jobber team who can cause havoc through backjumping than having them all up in these videos in prominent positions.

3. A lot of these TNA homegrowns are whatever - speaking of a guy like EY, for example, it's not a big deal if Nash squashed him because he's not particularly good or promising - but there are two homegrowns who need to be in prominent spots: AJ and Joe. It's not that hard, you know? (And yes, I see your complaint about the KOs division here, so you probably do agree with my second point, but it needed to be said after reading that match recap).

It's obvious what has happened here. Hogan and Bischoff are terrible at showrunning, and Hogan's on-screen presence (which I actually enjoy to some degree in TNA because he's toned it down and actually talks like a normal person who is annoyed at having to manage a funhouse full of demanding pro wrestlers) isn't enough to make up for this show feeling disorganized. Hell, it isn't even enough to make up for Bischoff regressing as an on-screen personality and channeling his mid-1999 nadir of annoying try-hardiness. But it doesn't actually matter. Vince Russo being in the room as a writer doesn't matter. Ultimately, all that matters is working the mark, and that mark is Dixie. They got a bunch of their washed friends and other vets in and handed them paydays and then looked at the KOs division and decided to center the two blonde women because who gives a shit about a women's division anyway? None of this matters. All that matters is getting paid. I mean, good for them, I guess. If Dixie could have held onto TNA forever, Hogan would have probably had a paycheck forever and wouldn't have had to sell pisswater or promote freestyle wrestling shows on Fox Nation or News or whatever before he croaked.

the flame that James Storm spit towards RVD looked pretty damn rad. You're right, i was underselling it. i was taking more umbrage with the second half of the word fireball, so that's my own semantics issue. The flame was actually one of the better fire spitting spots that i can recall off the top of my head right now.

1. Nash has a HUMONGOUS gulf between when he's motivated vs. when he's meandering. In 2010 TNA, i am always surprised when he takes a bump. Even in 2006 TNA, when he was doing the zany X-Division competition and gimmicks, at least his character was entertaining. Sure, he still half assed it in matches and never put anyone over, but the entertainment brought SOMETHING in. The Main Event Mafia angle was Nash at his absolute least motivated. He did practically nothing for an entire year. JUST before that he had a sort of mentor role to Samoa Joe (which felt out of place but that's beside the point) and even the match(es?) that came from that didn't overly deliver. But that's about as good as he's been for the last 18ish months.

2. in 2007-08, the KnockOuts division was pretty freaking awesome. This was, unquestionably, the real women's revolution. There were a full stable of wrestlers, each with their own personalities and feuds. Sometimes those overlapped, sometimes they didn't, but it was a vibrant environment. And the matches rocked. Moving into 2009, it started to diminish. Through both roster moves and de-emphasis on screen, but it was definitely noticeable. It came to a tipping point, IMO, when Jim Cornette was the on-screen General Manager, at which point it had turned into a shell of its former self and a slightly better Divas division. And don't get me started on Traci Brooks' re-emergence at that point, because she is terrible and everything she is involved with on screen is worse off because of it. But by 2010, the whole division just sucks. Tara is a good wrestler, but she should absolutely not the be centerpiece of an entire division. Her feud with ODB was passable. Her continuing feud with Angelina Love is not.
i think there is genuinely a place for The Beautiful People in a thriving division. And i think they COULD work as a comedy heel jobber team, but i'd place them higher than thatn. Having them pop up as a recurring thorn in the side of whichever face champion/contender is around would be the best use. solidly midcard, but able to cause enough havoc to semi-credibly challenge for the big gold when needed, but otherwise just being problem bitches. This would also give them the opportunity to switch their ranks around more- right now Lacey is terrible and Madison is... fine? Velvet has blossomed on the mic to being above average, while still being mediocre in ring. Angelina is the opposite, in that she can be carried to a good match, but her interviews are blasé.

3. to start, I rate Eric Young higher than you and find him a valuable person to keep around. But having Nash squash him did absolutely no good for anybody. Nash was exactly as over post-match as he was pre-match. We've seen EY be a guy who wouldn't give up. We've seen him face bigger challenges. If that's what they wanted to show, and i believe it is, they did a piss poor job of actually presenting that. And this overall rubber balling of his card placement is a different and bigger issue- one week he's the leader of a fairly dominant faction, the next he's second fiddle to Nash, the next he's almost on par with RVD and Jeff Hardy, and the next he's a complete and total non-issue in his own match.
Funny aside: when EC3/Ethan Carter debuted, i wasn't watching TNA but would pay vague attention to the news. But for some reason i thought EC3 WAS Eric Young, and i was constantly confused on how he was becoming this big superstar and world beater.

i will have more to say about the overall Hogan/Bischoff era and Monday Night Failed Experiment when this wraps up, but for now let me just say that i agree.

twiztor · May 20

April 19, 2010
"What We All Fight For"

OK, with only a few shows left, i'm ready to be done with this run. So in the spirit of #GRIT, let's watch TNA for the second day in a row. I think i've said enough about my thoughts on the current product, so without further ado, let's time travel 16 years in the past!

Spoiler

AJ Styles kicks off the show by coming to the ring, wearing his fresh suit, a pair of sunglasses, and the TNA World Heavyweight Championship draped over his shoulder. He tells us Ric Flair will be here a little late tonight due to a championship celebration that ran all night. AJ puts over Pope in that condescending way. He calls himself the 'workhorse of TNA'. Rob Van Dam interrupts him, and Taz drops a "Mr. Monday Night" reference again (that's even funnier in 2026 hindsight) as RVD comes to the ring. the crowd is hot for this, with loud "RVD" and "AJ Sucks" chants. RVD tells AJ that he may have been the best wrestler in TNA at some point in the past, but times have changed. He tells AJ that he's never been as impressed with AJ as everyone else is. Jeff Hardy also comes out now. Hardy says AJ has a little head to be so big headed, so that's the level of promo we're at. Oh good, now Hulk Hogan struts out. can we get to the damn point already? we're 13 1/2 minutes into this show and we haven't even heard a challenge or an actual good insult yet. Seriously, why is the crowd so hot right now? Hulk talks to everyone in the back and tells them to up their game. Fuck you, Hulk. Hulk is pumping AJ's ego up. He asks if RVD and Hardy will put their friendship on hold for the night to find out who's the best. He baits the fans into chanting "TNA". He finally gets to the point of announcing RVD vs. Jeff Hardy tonight, with the winner facing AJ for the belt. AJ says he won't be ready to defend the title by Sacrifice. That's just fine by Hogan, because that title defense will be TONIGHT!

Ric Flair enters the backstage area, and the cameraman informs him of tonight's title match. Flair shoves the cameraman and storms away.

Taz clarifies that Syxx did NOT no-show last night's event. Dixie Carter confirmed that she had been in contact with him and approved his non-appearance. Google tells me that he couldn't get cleared after testing positve for Hep-C.

Knockouts Tag Team Titles: Daffney & ODB vs. The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky & Lacey von Erich)(c)
the challengers get the jobber entrance, which feels like a giant slap in the face after we just wasted 20 minutes of tv time with an extended promo sequence.
Daffney gets beat up a bit, gets the tag to ODB, who takes it to both ladies. Madison Rayne sprays something in the eyes of both women, and Velvet rolls her up, while grabbing the tights, for a three count. This was less than three minutes and didn't mean a damn thing. Hell, Daffney was just a heel a few weeks ago. it's like TNA heard our complaints and purposely booked the most meaningless match they could.

outside AJ's locker room, Borash is eavesdropping on AJ and Flair. Flair demands a rematch from last night of Team Flair vs. Team Hogan. Borash bursts in and Flair tells him to tell them that they have 5 minutes or he is declaring victory.

Back from commercial, Abyss and Jarrett are in the ring to answer the challenge. Abyss has a microphone, because what this show definitely needs is more talking. Abyss says the Team Hogan/Team Flair war is over after they beat their asses last night. Out comes Flair, with his whole team. Abyss and Jarrett hold off Desmond Wolfe and Beer Money, until Sting enters too. Rob Terry comes out to make the save and takes them all out. He struggles to overhead press Wolfe, and he trips over Sting, but i guess he's still standing tall. now Eric Bischoff comes out, as if my night can't get any worse. Bischoff accepts the challenge and has a mystery partner for Team Hogan.

Matt Morgan approaches Shannon Moore backstage and asks him to help him defend the belts next week. Moore turns him down, saying he has to mentally prepare for his X-Division Title Shot next week. wait, is he preparing next week or is his title shot next week? And why the hell does he get ANOTHER title shot?
Hogan and Bischoff are all buddy-buddy while they walk backstage. Bischoff is going to introduce a new ranking system for the world title next week. He sends Miss Tessmacher (remember her?) to go get the files about it. then they make sexual jokes about her.

#1 Contender Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
they start with a little tit-for-tat to start and we go to commercial after like one minute.
Back from break, they are brawling ringside. RVD has a trickle of blood down his face. RVD has been working over Hardy's leg to take away the high flying. Hardy starts his comeback and lands some dropkicks and strikes. RVD rolls in for his corner monkey flip, but Hardy counters with a hard clothesline in a good looking counter. Hardy gets a couple of two counts off nothing moves and the crowd chants "This Is Awesome". RVD with his top rope ninja kick, sending Hardy back to the outside. RVD awkwardly pulls/rolls Hardy in and connects with the Rolling Thunder for a two count of his own. Hardy misses his elevated dropkick in the corner and takes what looks like a rough landing on his head. RVD with the split legged moonsault but still only gets two. Hardy escapes out of a suplex and lands a front suplex of his own, then strips his shirt off and goes up top. RVD catches him up there with a spin kick and now both men are up top. Hardy shoves RVD off, misses the Swanton, and RVD lands the 5 Star Frog Splash to pick up the win. This went right about 10 minutes. It was solid action.

Christy Hemme is backstage with RVD and Jeff Hardy. they shake hands. and they watch highlights of the match we literally just watched. the provide the least insightful commentary possible.
Now we're in Team Hogan's lockerroom and they're hyped up for the match. They reveal that they don't even know who their partner is.

Team Flair vs. Team Hogan, Part Deux
this starts with Sting vs. Jarrett and we are apparently doing this by the same Lethal Lockdown rules, with the first period going 5 minutes and each subsequent being 2 mins. The match apparently started during the commercial break, because of course it did, as Sting and Jarrett are brawling around the set. You know how i just said about the Team 3D vs. Outsiders match that i got really tired of crowd brawls but that one was pretty decent? This one was ain't that. They get back in the ring about a minute before the next entrant, so let's go to...
Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea). Shouldn't Team Hogan get the man advantage, since they won the toss up last night AND the match proper? Feels like lazy booking on multiple levels. Anyway, Wolfe takes it to Jarrett while Sting rests at ringside. Jarrett starts his comeback but Wolfe goes to the eyes while Sting has moved himself to the corner as if he was waiting for a tag.
"The Freak" Rob Terry comes out next. wait, he steps into the corner and waits for Jarrett to tag him in. Orlando Jordan appears on the entrance ramp. Terry demolishes Wolfe and hits some offense on Sting too. A commercial break, and when we come back,
Robert Roode and Abyss have joined the fray and are apparently the legal men. Abyss with a big chokeslam on Roode. Jordan has disappeared completely.
James Storm rushes out and distracts Abyss long enough for Roode to hit a Blockbuster before Storm tags in. The heels all beat up Jarrett, who has now tagged in. The ref doesn't seem too inclined to do anything about the rules. The final surprise member of Team Hogan is....
Samoa Joe. wow, an actual participant that makes sense and that i want to see. Jarrett hesitantly reaches out, and Joe emphatically tags in. He takes all of Team Flair out by himself. Muscle Buster on Roode for the pin at 13 1/2 minutes. They don't even attempt to explain where Joe's been for the last couple of months after being kidnapped by masked men. Joe storms to the back while the rest of Team Hogan celebrates in the ring. Rob Terry looks confused. Ric Flair comes out and calls for a microphone. He starts talking and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial and the ring is clear and Flair is gone. So they give us a replay of what we missed. Flair sets up a challenge to Abyss, Hall of Fame ring vs. Hall of Fame ring for next week.

TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles (c)
Ric Flair has been banned from ringside for this match. They've mentioned that a few times tonight but i didn't really have a place to add it without it being lost in the shuffle of, well, everything else.
AJ jumps RVD at the opening bell. AJ sends RVD to the outside and lands a flipping senton to lead us into commercial.
AJ seems to be both a little quicker and a little wilier than RVD. Whether that's due to the influence of Ric Flair or to RVD's fatigue of having a previous match is up to interpretation. RVD stays in it with his superior striking, but AJ definitely is leading on points. The tide starts to turn when RVD lands his stepover enziguri. He follows that up with a flurry of clotheslines and his corner monkey flip, directly combo'd with the Rolling Thunder. This only gets him two and AJ counters by going for the legs and locking on the Figure Four. a strike exchange leads to the Pele! AJ sets up the Styles Clash, but RVD sends him over the top, but AJ lands on the apron. He springboards in for a hurracanrana, but RVD counters into a powerbomb, then immediately goes up top and lands the Five Star Frog Splash. That's a three count and a new champ! a giant batch of red and yellow confetti showers RVD and the entire ring. Jeff Hardy out to celebrate with him as AJ looks shocked. Now Hulk Hogan, Team Hogan, Team 3D, and Eric Bischoff come out. Hogan brings Dixie Carter up from the crowd to celebrate in the ring too. I like RVD, but this TNA run has been fairly uninspired so far. the whole face celebration feels unearned and should be reserved for moments where a heel champ has run roughshod over the company. This hasn't been that.
Match went about 7 minutes. It was good, but definitely didn't live up to the "dream match" they spent all night hyping.

TV Rating: 0.95, which is the highest they've had since the 'permanent' move on March 8th (that one was 0.98). 2009 was a 1.23, so we're actually pretty close somehow. i am having an insanely hard time trying to wrap my head around how the rating is this high.

it was good to see Joe back. all other previous complaints stand. Maybe this would have been a good time to give some shine to your new X-Division champ? or possibly, and hear me out here, to build up a new contender instead of just casually dropping that Shannon Moore gets ANOTHER shot at the belt? But hey, i'm glad that Hulk Hogan's team got to get a second win over Ric Flair. And that "HIS GUY" RVD got to overcome the evil AJ Styles and celebrate with Hulkamania confetti.

twiztor · May 24

April 26, 2010
"Mr. Monday Night"

i was going to do another Impact late last week, but i needed an extra few days to let my feelings wear off. i really do try to review these as objectively as possible, but i'm definitely aware that my mood can make a big difference. So i took an extra couple of days, and i am coming at this episode much more refreshed. So let's see what happens!

Spoiler

we start off with a montage of RVD's tenure here in TNA, of course topped off with his big title win last week. It's pretty decent.

Hulk Hogan kicks off the show by coming to the ring. He's excited that RVD won the title, but that's really indicative of how things are changing in TNA. He puts over RVD and Styles for their match last week. So he brings outs RVD. Much like last week, this crowd is HOT for Hogan and for RVD too. RVD thanks "Hulkie" for the introduction and i don't know why i find that as ridiculously funny as i do. RVD has a bandage in the middle of his forehead, and it has 'TNA' written on it in pen. i find that just as funny. Anyway, RVD cuts a pretty generic self-aggrandizing promo until he is interrupted by AJ Styles and Ric Flair. AJ makes a bunch of pot references and demands a rematch on his own terms. Flair pivots to getting in Hogan's face about the Hall of Fame ring. i don't really understand why Flair cares about Hogan's ring, but maybe my ears just keep glazing over whenever Flair talks.

The Beautiful People are hanging out backstage. Velvet is upset that Madison has to defend her title already, and Madison is equallly worked up. But as "RAYNE-ing" champion, she's confident she'll take out both of her opponents tonight.

Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Tara (with tarantula) vs. Madison Rayne (c)
the on-screen graphic tells me that Love's finisher is called the 'Red Alert', and i am honestly not sure what move that's refering to. The referee sends the rest of TBP to the back.
Tara and Love are going at each other. Madison is trying to steal a pin whenever she can. DIXIE TWITTER PLUG!! This is the first time we've seen Madison in a prominent role in the singles division, and her shortcomings are absolutely magnified. I don't dislike the story that they're telling, but the execution isn't great. Tara is essentially trying to carry two women here, but there's just such a discrepancy in skill, experience, and athletic ability, that it leaves a lot to be desired. Tara starts cleaning house and is prepped for Love to recover. Madison takes the opportunity to shove Love into Tara, sending Tara to the outside, then Madison rolls Love up for the pinfall. Went about 4 1/2 minutes, which is longer than i expected. Post-match sees a pull apart brawl between Tara and Love while Madison hightails it with her title belt.

X-Division Title: Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian (c)
They trade counters worked around a top wristlock to start, which is an interesting way beginning. It doesn't last very long before we get a fast paced sequence of trading moves.
TNA has added a news ticker towards the bottom of the screen. It tells us that Daffney was rushed to the hospital last week after a stinger and diagnosed with a concussion. They mention some live events, and then talk about Hulk Hogan's upcoming itinerary (The View, Howard Stern, the Today Show). It absolutely distracted me from the match for a minute there.
Neither man is getting a clear advantage. Moore gets inadvertently shoved into the ref after 3 minutes. Kaz tries to Hurracanrana Moore off the top rope, but Moore shoves him off. Matt Morgan runs down and throws Moore off the top all the way to the floor, then rolls him back in the ring. Kaz lands the Dead Eye and gets the pinfall at just over 3 minutes. The match never really got started, was interrupted by a screen scroll, and had an interference ending. Bleh.
Post-match, Samoa Joe stalks to the ring. Crowd is ALL ABOUT THIS. Joe sidekicks Kaz, stomps him in the corner, and delivers a Muscle Buster. killer Joe is back.

Abyss in the back talking to the camera. He's explaining why he covets Hulk's Hall of Fame ring so much. He knows the ring doesn't have magic powers. But it symbolizes Hulk's trust in him, and has filled him with self assurance. "So Flair, Whatchu Gonna Do?"
Matt Morgan with his tag belts. He's asking Jesse Neal to defend the titles with him against Team 3D. Neal is not buying it. Morgan lays a guilt trip on Neal, invoking the promise that Neal made to his fallen military comrades. Damn, that's low. Neal seems to be considering it as Morgan walks off.

AJ Styles & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy
this is apparently No DQ and Falls Count Anywhere. That is new info to me, although they may have announced it at the top of the show. I tend to ignore the moments they run down the card.
Chaos immediately breaks out as soon as the last man makes it to the ring. They pair off, Jarrett and Sting going at it in the ring as AJ and Hardy brawl on the ramp. It's not long before they trade places and Sting and Jarrett brawl through the crowd.
Another news scroll, this time announcing that Angelina Love injured her arm in the match earlier tonight....RVD has a new shirt......Hogan is all over tv and radio next week....
The ref resuses to recognize a tag between Jarrett and Hardy because he didn't see it. The match was just brawling all over, at no point were legal participants established. They do it again, the ref again not allowing it, but this time Hardy stays in the ring to deliver offense anyway. The ref tells him he needs to leave and isn't legal. Sting walks to the back for some reason? AJ and Hardy are back to brawling on the entrance ramp. Jarrett heads to the back and attacks Sting. They fight up the stairs towards the rafters. There is randomly a table set up on the floor, so Hardy lays AJ on it, , then sets up a ladder on the ramp. As he's preparing to jump off, Sting sticks Jarrett with his baseball bat and pins him on the stairs. This was a mess of a match. They tried to do WAY too much in the 6 1/2 minutes this was given.

Jesse Neal is back in Team 3D's locker room. He's asking their blessing to accept Morgan's offer. Bubba tells him he's welcome to try, but they aren't going to take it easy on him, so he better bring his A game.

The Pope comes to the ring. He has a slight limp and has his arm in a sling due to a slight separation in his shoulder. He also is wearing an eye patch since AJ stabbed him with a pen. He's not here to make excuses, but in the 'Gospel of Pope', it's "a tooth for a tooth, and an eye.....for an eye". He's very good at talking and getting the people invested in him. Speaking of talkers, enter Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson. He runs down Pope, and the crowd, and just rambles on. Pope turned super babyface by telling ~~Ken~~Anderson to shut the hell up and get to the point. ~~Ken~~Anderson challenges him to a match at Sacrifice, then bawks like a chicken at Pope. Pope says his arm may be in a sling, but his pimp hand is still strong as he backhands ~~Ken~~Anderson. ~~Ken~~Anderson then attacks him, jamming his thumb into Pope's eye.

Tag Team Titles: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan (c) & Jesse Neal
Team 3D don't come out when their music plays. The camera finds them taunting Syxx, who they attacked, put through a table, and left lying in a pool of his own blood. They tell him that when he wakes up, togive that message to the rest of The Band. Then they make their entrance.
crowd is doing a "JESSE NEAL - YAY, MATT MORGAN - BOO" chant, which is quite long so i am somewhat impressed. Team 3D are working over Jesse Neal. 30 seconds in, Hall & Nash come out. Nash has Syxx's blood on his hands. Team 3D rush them and they brawl on the ramp. Jesse Neal rushes to join them, so Matt Morgan attacks his partner for the night. Matt drops him with a gigantic chokeslam. Well, this was a non-starter as a match, but i still think it worked for storyline purposes.
Back from break, Jesse Neal (flanked by Team 3D) calls Matt Morgan back out here. Christy Hemme finds Morgan in the back, who is completely nonplussed by Neal's challenge. Hulk Hogan intercepts Morgan, and tells him to make a choice: deal with Neal, or deal with Hogan. Morgan immediately backpedals and heads to the ring. Neal lands a couple big shots, then lines up for a belt shot. Morgan low blows him and lands a belt shot of his own. In runs Shannon Moore for the save, as he missile dropkicks Morgan. Wait, is this the inception of Ink, Inc.? i remember this team now.

Eric Bischoff in his office with Miss Tessmacher. He's ready to announce a ranking system for TNA. He directs the fans to go to TNAWrestling.com and submit their ballot for who deserves a TNA World Title opportunity.
In walks Black Machismo, who doesn't know about computers, but he's going to deliver his top ten in person. #1. ANDRE! #2 Koko B. Ware, Red Rooster, One Man Gang? He's not sure and pivots to tag teams. how about the Hart Foundation? Bischoff is annoyed and we go to commercial.

Orlando Jordan is backstage performing a soliloquay. He's wearing a feathered multicolor tutu, with matching wrap around on leg and the alternate arm. He's debuting his new show, 'The O-Zone', next week on Impact, and his first guest will be a true work of art, "The Freak" Rob Terry. oh boy.

there's a sit-down documentary style camera shot of Flair talking. It has subtitles for some reason? This feels like it was filmed for something else. It was weird. Not bad, but just very much out of place. Flair is 61 here but looks more like 71.
Cameraman finds Hall & Nash backstage. They ask what's next for The Band. Nash is pissed off and screams. Nash says they'll find a third man because Team 3D ain't getting away with what they did to Syxx.

Ring vs. Ring: Ric Flair vs. Abyss
Flair tries to lock up with Abyss, who just shoves him away. Flair with a short kick to the shin and works him over with punches and chops in the corner. Abyss turns it around. Back body drop. Flair rolls to the outside and they brawl a bit. Flair is bleeding. It's been less than 2 minutes!
Abyss is now in complete control. Flair tossed off the top rope. Flair flop. low blow by Flair which hits Abyss but also the ref. Flair grabs brass knuckles out of his tights. A short punch to the jaw and Abyss shakes it off. He can't shake off the blow down south though. Flair pins Abyss. Wait, the ref now sees the knucks and restarts the match. Abyss hulks up. Black Hole Slam. three count.
This was just a very sad 6 minute match. Flair wrestled his 'greatest hits' style match. But there was nothing else there. it didn't get Abyss over. It didn't get Flair over. Post match, Hogan stalks to ringside. They forcefully take Flair's HoF ring and Hogan puts it on. Hulk says he's going to present the ring to somebody next week. Oh, what a hook! [green for sarcasm]

TV Rating: 0.5 WHAT?!? that's a damn near 50% drop from last week! (and vs. 1.2 from the same week in 2009). i know i was just talking last episode about what a shitty show this was and how it maintained a higher viewership number than i would have expected, but i certainly didn't foresee such a steep dropoff in only one week. And i think this week was a reasonably OK show. I mean, if you take Flair out of it that is. Minimal Bischoff, Hogan both opened and closed the show but otherwise wasn't all over it. The matches weren't any great shakes, but i am surprisingly content with it. Maybe i'm just riding that high of Samoa Joe's return, or maybe my extra days away from this company paid off more than i anticipated.

Anyway, there's only one more Monday Night impact. i think i've talked myself into watching the subsequent Thursday Impact, since i'm assuming that would have been taped for a Monday broadcast, and then i'll probably skim the Sacrifice PPV to tie a bow on this. Then a fast forward through the ECW revival event cycle, a couple odds and ends, and my TNA journey will be complete.

twiztor · May 25

May 3, 2010 LIVE
"Hogan/Sting - The Summit"

Welcome to the final Monday Night episode of TNA Impact! It's been a pretty great holiday weekend, so why not cap it off with some 15 year old wrestling?

Spoiler

Hogan and Bischoff are in the back of a limo. The cameraperson is in the front of the car. They're discussing ANOTHER new person coming to TNA. then Hogan says he'll be calling out Sting tonight because he (Sting) "turned on TNA".

Mike Tenay and Taz kick this LIVE show off with an announcement from Dixie Carter earlier today- TNA has listened to its fans and is moving Impact to Thursday nights on SpikeTV. If memory serves me (and the jury's out on that one.....) Spike continued to replay these Monday Impacts on Thursdays, and the Thursday viewership numbers stayed strong throughout. So this was probably a pretty easy decision for them to make, and i have to suspect that last week's extremely poor numbers just hastened what would have happened eventually anyway.

Ric Flair's music plays, and Jay Lethal (wearing a suit, NOT his Black Machismo outfit) makes his way out. He's wearing Flair's Hall of Fame ring. He's now doing a full on "Black Nature Boy" gimmick (sorry Scoot Andrews). Takes off his suit jacket and drops a knee on it, calls a fan "fatboy", the whole shebang. This brings out the White Nature Boy, who is not amused. The crowd chants "Double Vision". Lethal (in his own voice) tells Flair he's not trying to disrespect him. Flair ain't buying it. Lethal apologizes and hands the ring back. Flair slaps him and takes his shirt off (come on, old man, nobody needs to see that). Jay slaps him back, chops him in the corner, and slaps the Figure Four on. AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money rush the ring and the 5 men beat Lethal down. Abyss down to make the save, but he's also outnumbered so he gets the beatdown too. Team 3D now join the fracas. TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam with a chair and the heels retreat.

Hogan & Bischoff stlil in the limo. Bisch says they're about 10-15 minutes away. Hogan gets a text about just went down and tells the driver to turn the car around. Wait, were they headed AWAY from the arena? [i rewatched the opening segment, and no mention was made of where they were going, so the obvious assumption was that they were headed TO the arena.]

Back from commercial, RVD has found a microphone. He says "instead of beating up on Macho dude, why don't you four horses' asses come down here for a fight". Flair accepts and the brawl resumes. After a couple minutes, Hulk Hogan walks out to lay down the law. He takes all of the heels out with one punch (of course).

Back from another commercial break, the brawl continues to continue. The faces have taken control of the ring again. Hogan books Wolfe vs. Rob Van Dam in a title match for tonight. And AJ Styles vs. Abyss in a Monster's Ball Match. (i don't mean to be pedantic, but the original point of Monster's Ball was that the competitors were locked in solitary confinement for 24 hours with no food, water, or light. you can't really do that when you book a same night match. Granted, that aspect hasn't been highlighted for a couple years, but why not just call it a hardcore match?) Also adds Team 3D to the previously booked (but not previously announced) Beer Money vs. MotorCity Machine Guns match.

Back in the Beautiful People's locker room, the three ladies are getting ready in front of the mirror. There's a six woman tag match booked for tonight and all of the titles are on the line.

Brian Kendick & Douglas Williams vs. Ink, Inc. (Jesse Neal & Shannon Moore)
Williams is wearing the X-Title that he was stripped of a few weeks back. He tells us he calls out Kazarian and tells Kaz that he (Kaz) needs to challenge Williams for the real title at the next PPV.
Tenay tells us that Ink Inc. has been granted a tag title shot at the next PPV. Hogan will be selecting Morgan's partner for this and any potential future matches.
News ticker: "TNA iMPACT! Returns Home" to Thursdays. Hermie Sadler raced the TNA car last Friday- no placement was announced, so he must not have done great.
Morgan joins commentary. the makeshift heel team has isolated Neal. Between the match, the news ticker, and the camera constantly cutting to Morgan, there is a lot going on here that i don't care about. Big tag to Shannon Moore and he takes out both men. Kendrick tries to tag out but Wiliams has disappeared. Moore with a Buff Blockbuster (he calls this the "Mooregasm" apparently, but i will continue referring to it as the Blockbuster), then he tags in Neal. Neal with a spear for the win in 3 minutes. Kendrick and Williams argue a bit in the ring, then Samoa Joe comes out and destroys them both. Tenay mentions that we still don't know who was behind the abduction a couple months ago. Joe grabs a microphone, but slams it down and storms off.

Flair berates his team back in their locker room.

Hulk gets a sit-down interview-style segment that's similar to the one from Flair last week. This was short but pointless. We're 35 minutes into this show (not including commercials) and we've had FOUR segments that involved Hogan.

backstage, The Pope and ~~Ken~~Anderson are fighting. ~~Ken~~Anderson is dressed like an alter boy i think? He slams one of those rolling equipment boxes into Pope a few times and leaves him laying.
Now ~~Ken~~Anderson is coming to the ring. He's definitely in some sort of alter boy getup. He talks a lot without saying anything. I am not listening anyway. Jeff Hardy comes out. He's wearing street clothes and a baseball cap but still has that long rag sticking out of his back pocket or whatever. Jeff says that his "good friend the Pope" ('good friend'? have they even interacted?) won't be cleared to compete, so Jeff takes his place and challenges ~~Ken~~Anderson to a match at Sacrifice. ~~Ken~~Anderson turns it down. He tries to sneak attack Hardy, but Hardy ducks and gives him the Twist of Fate. Hardy strips him of the alter boy outfit. THIS SUCKED.

Tara, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People (c) (c)
TBP get a full entrance, their opponents get the jobber intro. If any of TBP get pinned, whoever pins them wins that title belt (and presumably the other tag belt if that is what happens). Tara demands to start for her team. Lacey starts for TBP but is just dancing. Tara with a spinning jump back kick that looked AWFUL. I feel bad that Tara had to sell that. Velvet and Sarita in. Velvet seems to have regressed in her abilities. Tara demands to tag in. Sarita tags herself in, and Tara lays her out. So Taylor Wilde steps to her defense and Tara attacks her. TBP double DDT Sarita and Madison pins her. Match was an excrutiating waste of three minutes. Tara badmouths her now-former teammates.

Christy Hemme in the back with Tara. she's pissed. She's challenging Madison for the World Title. Christy asks how she's going to convince TNA management to grant her that title shot, given her less than stellar win-loss record of late. Tara responds by offering her career on the line.

Team 3D vs. MotorCityMachine Guns vs. Beer Money
only Team 3D gets an entrance, the other two teams are already in the ring. Robert Roode and Chris Sabin start us off. MMGs with a short burst of double team offense until D-Von tags in. This is a mess as far as tags go. The ref has kayfabe the hardest job of the night here. Beer Money isolate D-Von and hit a couple double team moves and pose. D-Von with the hot tag to Bubba, who handles Beer Money by himself. Team 3D do the WHAT'S UP headbutt. Now the Outsiders rush the ring and attack Team 3D, causing a DQ. Eric Young rushes in with a kendo stick and holds off the Outsiders......until he turns on Team 3D. I guess he's joined The Band. MMGs attack the Band and lay them out (to my surprise!) Beer Money then lays the MMGs out. There seems to be some sort of understanding or possible alliance between The Band and Beer Money. This was a waste of 4 minutes.

Oh, god. speaking of a waste of time, now is Orlando Jordan's talk show segment, "The O-Zone". There's 23 minutes left of this show and we still have this segment, a Hogan/Sting confrontation, a Monster's Ball match, and a World Title match. Jordan introduces his guest, the TNA Global Champion "The Freak" Rob Terry. Nope, it's a cardboard cutout of Terry. oh my god. this is fucking TERRIBLE. i am now noticing there's a guy hanging upsidedown from the set behind the bed. Taz wonders aloud "how long is this gonna go?" Seriously, who the hell thought this was a good idea? Jordan is interviewing this cardboard cutout. The real Rob Terry shows up. He shoves Jordan on the bed. He rips the cardboard to scraps, and tells Jordan "don't make me come back". Then he turns his back to him and poses with his belt? Jordan attacks him from behind. Jordan smashes a big outdoor vase on Terry. i hope to hell they never do another of these segments.

Monster's Ball Match: AJ Styles vs. Abyss
Abyss enters with a garbage can full of plunder. AJ springboards off the ropes towards Abyss on the ramp, but gets goozled. AJ breaks free and rushes Abyss (who is now against the ropes) but Abyss overhead throws him into the ring. Abyss wedges a chair between the turnbuckles. Abyss swings a chair but AJ counters it with a Pele kick. Abyss sends AJ into said turnbuckle chair and follows that up with his Shock Treatment backbreaker for two. Abyss grabs a bag of tacks and spreads them out. Ric Flair comes out with Chelsea, who is wearing a trenchcoat. Flair yells at her to take off the coat. Abyss embraces her, allowing AJ to nail him from behind. He suddenly has brass knuckles, and low blows Abyss with them. Then he springboards onto Abyss, landing on the tacks for a three count. This started out interesting, as they avoided using weapons for the first two minutes, then it had a nonsensical Flair/Chelsea introduction, and the entire match only went four minutes. The Orlando Jordan talk show segment went five.

TNA World Title match: Desmond Wolfe vs. Rob Van Dam (c)
Wolfe starts in the ring. Tenay tells us this match was influenced by the fan voting in TNA's new ranking system, which doesn't match the fact that Hogan booked it on the fly earlier tonight.
The news scroll is back, and it lets us know the top three vote getters in TNA's ranking system: Desmond Wolfe, Jeff Hardy, and Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson. Have ANY of those guys won a singles match in the last month? That's a serious question, but i'm not going to research the answer. Tenay adds that there were over a half million votes online.
Wolfe attacks RVD as he enters the ring and they brawl at ringside. Wolfe has had RVD at the disadvantage for the first minute, mostly due to his unorthodox style. Wolfe with his hammerlock DDT for two. He stops to do the RVD taunt, allowing RVD to come off the top rope with his ninja kick. He then lands his Rolling Thunder and goes up top, but Wolfe cuts him off. Wolfe tries to land the Tower of London to the outside, but RVD fights him off. They end up back in the ring and RVD lands the Frog Splash for a successful title retention. OK, this match only went three minutes. Is it really a good look to give a title match to the runaway fan vote getter, but to only allow a three minute match? It kind of feels like a slap in the face.
Post-match, AJ Styles attacks RVD. He's cashing in his rematch clause at Sacrifice.

Hogan walking backstage and he comes across Jeff Jarrett, who has been laid out. Jeff tells him that Sting knocked the hell out of him.

Hogan now to the ring. He calls out Sting, who wastes no time in meeting Hulk face-to-face. Hogan tells Sting that he "can fool some of the people some of the time, but me? The Hulkster? you can't fool me any time". Sting grabs a mic. Stinger says he's here for TNA and for professional wrestling. He says Hulk's had a 'veil of protection' over him for his whole time in WWF and WCW, but there's no protection here in TNA. Hogan implies that Stinger has been attacking a bunch of people for no reason, like RVD or Dixie Carter, or even Jeff Jarrett just a couple minutes ago. Sting just laughs and tells Hogan to take his best shot. They are just kind of standing off against each other when Jeff Jarrett comes out and attacks Sting with Sting's own bat. This segment made absolutely no freaking sense.

TV Rating: 0.8 (vs. 1.2 in 2009)

i don't have words for how nonsensically booked this show was. every match stunk. every non-match was even worse.

zendragon · May 26

The inherent flaw with the original idea flaw with the idea of The Monster's Ball... If I'm paying to see a prize fight shouldn't I want the combatinents to be at their best I:E: Fed, Rested and Hydrated?

twiztor · May 26

25 minutes ago, zendragon said:

The inherent flaw with the original idea of The Monster's Ball... If I'm paying to see a prize fight shouldn't I want the combatinents to be at their best I:E: Fed, Rested and Hydrated?

i'm pretty sure Monster's Ball was a Raven concept. I think the idea was that it would leave the combatants feral and ready to do anything to not just survive, but conquer. I don't recall if there was some special stipulation for the winner in that inital match? Honestly, it barely was even referenced during the first one. The only part i specifically remember was Raven coming out and having to rub his eyes due to the bright lights against the darkness of his seclusion. i don't even remember it being mentioned after the second Monster's Ball, so again, this is just me picking nits.

elizium · May 26

I don't know about all of them, but when Masha Slamovich and Allie Katch had their Monster's Ball match, they did the 24 hours of seclusion gimmick

Is this the start of Desmond Wolfe continually winning fan votes and TNA being really annoyed by it?

twiztor · May 26

1 hour ago, elizium said:

I don't know about all of them, but when Masha Slamovich and Allie Katch had their Monster's Ball match, they did the 24 hours of seclusion gimmick

Is this the start of Desmond Wolfe continually winning fan votes and TNA being really annoyed by it?

well i'm glad the seclusion thing holds up sometimes at least. to be fair, it's possible that it gets mentioned whenever they've trotted this match out and i just haven't realized it lately.

ha! probably yes. This was the first time they've introduced the fan vote, so i'm not sure what comes in the future. Wolfe has a unique style that is both interesting visually and easy to understand how/why it would be painful. On top of that, he's a decent talker and a good looking guy. It's not surprising that he stands out. And like a alluded to, if TNA thinks that they're delivering what fans want by putting the guy in there to get essentially squashed in three minutes, it's only going to get the fans to want to see a REAL match. wrestling fans have their favorites and want to see good matches. It's not like they're going to be clamoring to see Rob Terry get a title shot because he has muscles and put a beating on Tomko or whoever. I was actually surprised to see they had Mr. Anderson as #3. i would've expected Samoa Joe to top the list, as he always gets some of the biggest reactions.

twiztor · May 28

May 13, 2010
"Three Tickets to Sacrifice"

Welcome back to Thursdays, TNA!
And since i love synergy, let's check this post-Monday Night Experiment episode out!

Spoiler

Eric Bischoff to kick off this episode. He tells us it's been too long since he's been in this ring. Not nearly long enough as far as i'm concerned. He tells the fans that he really does, love each and every one of them. They sorta cheer for this, but this was almost his exact heel phrase back with the NWO. He introduces the champ, Rob Van Dam. Bisch is talking about the online contender rankings. He wants to book the champ to defend against a top vote getter, Jeff Hardy. Crowd cheers. Bisch then says that Jeff hasn't answered any calls and nobody can get ahold of him, so he guesses that RVD gets the night off. RVD stops him there and says he's here to wrestle. AJ Styles saunters out onto the set and into the ring. AJ tells RVD that he needs to be a role model, like HE is. AJ volunteers to be RVD's opponent tonight. He says he'll break RVD's legs tonight, so that he won't have to break a sweat at the PPV. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Because out comes Jeff Hardy. He apologizes for being late and says he can't keep track of where to be and when. Monday night? Thursday night? Jeff Hardy proposes a triple threat for tonight. RVD tells Bisch to make the match, so it's now official.

Jeremy Borash in the back with the Beautiful People. Madison and Velvet do OK in their promo, but Lacey blurts out their catchphrase and runs off because she has to pee. OK, that was actually kind of funny.

Taylor Wilde (with Sarita) vs. Tara (with tarantula)
the ref sends Sarita to the back while Tara looks on. Sarita attacks her from behind, trying to get revenge for last week's betrayal. Tara escapes to the outside and Taylor does a hurracanrana/crossbody dive off the apron onto her that looks nasty. DIXIE TWITTER PLUG!! Tara begs forgiveness (she tried this last week too) but sends Taylor through the ropes and hard onto the entrance ramp. Back inside and Tara misses her flipover leg drop. Taylor BADLY misses a springboard crossbody and Tara half lands a kick to the stomach and pins Taylor. Post match, Tara whips Taylor with her knee brace. This was a solid match where Taylor's sloppiness made it feel/look like a real struggle, but it only lasted two minutes, so don't expect much. And i don't really understand how that was the finish.

the cameras rush backstage where chaos is surrounding Desmond Wolfe and a crying Chelsea. Chelsea is telling the police that she was attacked backstage just a few minutes ago.

Brian Kendrick vs. Douglas Williams (with X-Division belt)
Kendrick gets the "already in the ring" entrance. Williams demands that the ring attendant not let anybody touch HIS belt. He calls Kendrick crazy and says he doesn't think he's seen him win a match, so this is a non-title affair.
Kendrick jumps him after that, but Williams rolls him righ off. Kazarian joins the announce table. Kaz's appearance distracts Williams enough for Kendrick to start to get some offense in, but Williams puts a quick stop to it, starting to work over the leg. Kaz says that Williams has a legitimate claim to the belt, but that it has gone on long enough and heads to the ring to grab the belt. Williams sees him heading down the ramp, rushes to the corner to grab his belt, but Kendrick rolls him up from behind for the three count. another two minute match, this one more of an angle than anything.

Christy Hemme backstage reporting that Chelsea has named her attacker. She approaches Pat Kenney (Simon Diamond) who won't reveal that name.
Back from commercial, Hemme has discovered the name. But she says the police won't allow her to reveal it until the suspect is in custody.

Generation Me vs. Matt Morgan (c)
it's Gen-Me's turn to get the "already in the ring" entrance. This is a non-titles match. i forgot the Bucks were even in TNA, they haven't been on TV in WEEKS. Morgan lays both of them out then grabs a microphone. He talks to Hogan, saying that since he still doesn't know who his partner will be, the bloodshed begins now. He's ready to deliver the Carbon Footprint into the ringpost on Jeremy, when Samoa Joe marches to the ring. The two brawl, with Joe getting the better of him, and even delivering a Muscle Buster. The whole segment lasted three minutes, so i guess the match was thrown out. Joe goes to the back when the Band's music plays. Morgan is still laid out in the ring. Nash is carrying his "Feast or Fired' briefcase, which Tenay reminds us includes a Tag Team Title Shot. He cashes it in right now, pins Matt Morgan, and the Outsiders are the TNA Tag Team Champions.

Jesse Neal and Shannon Moore are talking backstage. This is terribly lit and is supposed to be the camera catching them in a private moment. This leads us to...
Team 3D vs. MotorCity Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Ink, Inc.
Everybody is already in the ring except Ink Inc. three matches in a row? really?
James Storm and Alex Shelley start us off this time. Tenay and Taz talk about the weirdness of Ink Inc. forming and getting a title shot specifically due to their issues with Matt Morgan, only to now be facing the Band at the PPV. MMGs land some of their signature double team offense and we end up with everybody interfering with everybody. tag, double team, pin gets broken up, tag out, rinse, repeat. Shannon Moore gets isolated by Beer Money for awhile. MMG's only presence in this match outside the opening was jumping in every single time a pinfall was attempted. Moore tags in to Neal, who starts as a house of fire, taking on both of Beer Money until the double teaming starts, and then Bubba tags himself in. Now the MMGs run in illegally and brawl/double team with D-Von (also in illegally). Bubba and Neal, the two legal men, aren't in the ring at all right now. MMGs fight with Beer Money ringside now. Dudleyz with a Doomsday Device on Neal, but Moore runs in to break it up. They set up the 3D, but Neal breaks it up. Moore with the Blockbuster and Neal with the Spear onto Bubba to score the pinfall. This started out a mess, but settled in to a pretty decent little scrap. After the last few weeks, i was expecting it to be a nothing match, but it got seven minutes and felt satisfactory.

One of those candid interview shots with Flair again. And again, it had subtitles. Weird that the one with Hogan last week did not, but they're back for this. It's not like Flair's hard to understand, so i don't get it.

Rob Terry is WALKING!
Jeff Hardy is painting up his face for his match tonight. RVD comes in his locker room to wish him luck or whatever. The camera is hiding behind venetian blinds or something. You can't really hear what RVD and Jeff are saying, but again, this is closed captioned. these segments are super weird and i don't know if they're supposed to be "real" or what.

Global Title: Rob Terry (c) vs. Abyss
Tenay tells us that Terry is a fighting champion, which is an odd claim to make. nobody starts in the ring this time, and in fact Abyss doesn't come out at all.
we rush backstage where Abyss is being arrested for assaulting Chelsea earlier tonight. Because i guess this worked so well when it was Goldberg and Elizabeth in 1999. As the cops are loading Abyss into the squad car, Desmond Wolfe tries to jump him but security holds him back. Abyss is questioning what he's accused of and pleading innocence. Hulk interferes and promises to follow Abyss down to the station to get this sorted out. Hogan removes Abyss' mask, but keeps his face covered.
Rob Terry is standing around like an idiot in the ring. After two minutes of standing there, Orlando Jordan slides in the ring and jumps Terry from behind. Jordan with a low blow from behind, then he slinks out of the ring to grab a steel pipe, which he whacks Terry across the back with. Jordan grabs a deck of cards out of his tights and places one, "The Wild Card" on Terry's back. None of this Orlando Jordan shit makes any sense at all.
Back from break, Orlando Jordan is still in the ring and now has a microphone. He says it's time to cut the foreplay. Oh, he is now claiming to be TNA's "Wild Card". He says that he's not going to leave until someone can make him leave. Out walks... Tomko? so i guess Terry vs. Abyss turns into...
Orlando Jordan vs. Tomko
Tomko with a double leg takedown. Jordan responds with one of his own. Tomko with a press into a fallaway slam. Jordan with a dropkick right into Tomko's face. we're two minutes in and Jordan locks on his second chinlock. Tomko fights out and hits a big clothesline for two. Jordan with the back cracker for a two of his own. Jordan jumps up and locks on a guillotine. Earl Hebner decides that Tomko is unconscious and calls for the bell. I was ready for this to be OK but it fell apart early and was not good at all. 3 1/2 minutes i'll never get back. poor Tomko.

Hulk Hogan is back in what looks like a boardroom. He's talking (to who?) that this situation with Abyss is all a big mistake. Lacey von Erich rushes in and says it's all a really big mistake and hands Hogan her cellphone and tells him to watch it.

Backstage, Bischoff is telling Tara that she'll be wrestling again. Sarita asked for this match after what happened earlier.
Sarita vs. Tara
Sarita rushes Tara on the ramp, and punts her in the ribs off the ramp. That was a nice touch. Then she tosses her into the ring. Tara immediately rolls back out and they brawl. Tara is wearing the same plain black bikini style outfit she was wearing earlier, which feels weird. Sarita is all offense here. Tara tries begging off like she did in the previous match, but it doesn't work here either. Sarita is wildly attacking Tara. The ref pulls her off as Tara clutches the bottom rope. Sarita is flailing and inadvertently hits the ref. She moves in to apologize, so Tara waylays her in the face with her knee brace and steals the pin. Well, this was fine but again only lasted two minutes.

non TNA World Title match: Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam (c)
Hardy is wearing an orange facemask over his mouth for some reason. They kill a TON of time before the match starts for no reason whatsoever. all three men are in the ring. RVD proposes he and Jeff team up against AJ, so this starts off effectively as a handicap match. RVD with a spinwheel kick, and Jeff Hardy rushes in to make the pin, so the alliance is short lived. This is laid out REALLY weird. RVD with a move to AJ, then the same move to Hardy. Hardy up, and he does a move to RVD, then the same move to AJ. Then he does the same move to both men again. Then it starts to settle into the "odd man out" way these things are worked, where one man essentially disappears while the other two wrestle, then slides back in to break up a pin/submission until somebody else pulls a vanishing act. ~~Ken~~Anderson runs down and assaults Hardy. AJ pulls the ref in front of an RVD ninja kick. RVD makes the save for Hardy, and now all four men are brawling ringside. AJ with a big DDT on RVD on the floor, then rolls him back in. He scores the pinfall with his foot on the ropes. a very disjointed match. the action never really picked up, and the 'between the moves' space just felt empty. Went about 6 1/2 minutes.
Post-match, Jeff Hardy sends his friend RVD to the back and calls "Anderson times two" to the ring. ~~Ken~~Anderson heads to the ring then turns around and walks back up the ramp. but big hero Hulk Hogan gets to save the day again and blocks ~~Ken~~Anderson from leaving. ~~Ken~~Anderson throws a punch at Hogan, but Hogan blocks it and clocks him. Jeff Hardy rushes him and the brawl lasts through the commercial break. Why would Hogan not only condone, but actively force this non-match violence? Jeff Hardy puts ~~Ken~~Anderson on a table, then climbs to the top of the announce table and Swantons him below.

Back from our last commercial break, we get to see the cellphone video footage that Lacey captured. We see Wolfe ripping Chelsea's dress and making her look disheveled to fake that she was a victim of the assault. Wolfe makes Chelsea rehearse her lines to say to the cops. This footage has closed captioning subtitles, which match perfectly with the other candid style interviews. But this footage is grainy as hell, so obviously these are not the same thing. But it's just funny that it would even be on here.
And that's the show? We're not going to get an update on Abyss? He's just going to sit in jail?

no followup on Sting? on Jay Lethal?

SirSmUgly · May 29

Say what you will about TNA creative at this time, but that was a faultless use of the Bucks on this show.

twiztor · May 30

Sacrifice
May 16, 2010 @ Impact Zone, Orlando, FL

this will be a much less in-depth review. I've successfully watched almost 8 years of TNA and my mind is still intact (at least to a reasonable level). So i'm watching this event because i love pro wrestling, and to tie up any loose ends from the last month. But to amplify point number one, i need to focus less on analyzing and more on enjoying.

Spoiler

#1 Tag Team Contender Match: MotorCity Machine Guns vs. Beer Money, Inc. vs. Team 3D
fun match. All three teams played their roles well. MMGs being the quick hungry team with an emphasis on flashy double teams moves. Beer Money being ass kickers who aren't afraid to cheat at a moment's opportunity. Dudleyz being the power duo with the experience.
MMGs get the win with a combination neckbreaker/crossbody splash on Bubba.
at over 13 minutes, this match went longer than the previous three or four #1 contenders matches COMBINED. amazing how when you let wrestlers tell and story and, well, WRESTLE, it can be enjoyable.

Taz and Tenay let us know that Abyss was released by the police shortly after Impact went off the air due to that cellphone footage being released.

Global Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Rob Terry (c)
yeah, i skipped this match. life's too short. Terry retains after a chokeslam that the announcers refer to as a spinebuster ("the Freakbuster"). Match went almost 8 minutes.

Team 3D and Ink, Inc. back in the locker room. the Dudleys wish them luck. After they leave, Bubba takes offense to Moore saying they'll take care of their business.

X-Division Title: Douglas Williams (with possession of the belt) vs. Kazarian (beltless champion)
Kazarian starts this match out by trying to play Williams' ground based game. And he does better than Doug expects, generally holding his own. Doug starts relying on more hard hitting strikes, whereas Kaz starts taking over as he picks up the speed. It's a decent little match that the audience largely sits on their hands for. The problem is that while Williams is technically proficient, it's not a very exciting style that he is good at. He's like a much duller Desmond Wolfe. Anyway, Williams gets the pin with the Chaos Theory German Suplex after fourteen minutes.

Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea in their sitting room backstage. Chelsea is freaking out over what they pulled against Abyss and how that may effect tonight's match stipulation.

Knockouts Title vs. Tara's career match: Tara (with tarantula) vs. Madison Rayne (c) (with the Beautiful People)
Tara has found her wrestling gear again. Madison sends TBP to the back before the match starts. This match features the worst "dueling two counts" spot i have ever seen. It was painful to watch. the rest of the match was only marginally better. This was heel vs. heel but the crowd prefers Tara. Tara hits the Widow's Peak but the momentum carries Madison to the outside. She follows that up with a good looking moonsault, but she misses the second one. Madison lands a leg-assisted neckbreaker for the win at about 6 minutes. Tara soaks in the crowd's "Thank You Tara" chants to end her career (per Wikipedia, she returns in July)

Christy Hemme in the back with the Band. Nash announces that Hall & Nash are not the tag champs, that the Band is the tag champs. They're doing this Freebird Style.

Tag Team Titles: Ink, Inc. vs. Outsiders (c)
Hall has about 30% of the mobility that he did back in WCW. He still takes a few bumps, however. Nash still has 70% of his mobility from the same time period but takes significantly fewer bumps. Neal (inadvertently) spears the ref. EY gets involved. Bubba Dudley fights EY off, then when Neal pulls him away from Nash, Bubba clocks Neal with a kendo stick. an unconscious Nash gets pulled on top of Neal for the pin.
was this a good match? no. did i enjoy it? kind of. I've spent 8 minutes watching things I've enjoyed less.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Abyss
if Wolfe wins, he gets Hulk's HOF ring. If Abyss wins, he gets Chelsea for 30 days.
Abyss attacks Wolfe from behind as he's walking down the ramp. They do some light brawling at ringside while the ref forces Chelsea to sit on a chair on the entrance ramp. Wolfe works over Abyss' left arm for much of the early going. Abyss' selling is pretty basic, and he really doesn't have much in the way of counters and ability to trade holds, so this doesn't rise above 'OK'. Brass Knuckles puts Abyss down, but not out, as he Hulks Up right into the Black Hole Slam for three. well, that was abrupt. This was about 10 minutes and was mildly disappointing, to be honest.

Christy Hemme with Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson, and you know what? nope. ditto for the match.
Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. ~~Ken~~Anderson
Jeff Hardy wins in like 15 minutes with the Swanton Bomb, then ~~Ken~~Anderson offers a handshake, which Hardy declines.

Christy Hemme in the locker room with Ric Flair and AJ. AJ calls RVD's title win a fluke.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting
they're fighting in the backstage area and Jarrett is already busted open before either man comes out. I say "they're fighting" but really this is just Sting beating Jarrett up and down. Sting drags Jarrett into the arena proper and the beating continues. This isn't a fight, this is a dismantling.
Sting rolls Jarrett in the ring and the ref calls for the bell. Scorpion Death Drop. 3 count. Match lasted 10 seconds, but this sustained beating was more interesting than any match these two could have had. Jarrett does a full stretcher job. Sting shoves Jarrett off the stretcher. This prompts Hulk Hogan (sans music!) to come out on the stage

Christy Hemme in the back with RVD. He's the champ. He's here to be the champ for a long time.

TNA World Title: AJ Styles (with Ric Flair) vs. Rob Van Dam (c)
the match starts and these guys don't touch each other for over two full minutes. They also killed a LOT of time before the match starts- there was a multiple minute long video package, and the entrances took almost 10 minutes. i wonder what the story is with that. Flair gets sent away from ringside but joins commentary instead.
This match was OK. It had some good sequences, but lots of down time. Nothing really felt like it built up, whether that be in speed, intensity, or competition. Ric Flair is an active distraction in the announce booth. Rob Van Dam successfully retained with a five star frog splash after a short battle on the top turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Jay Lethal stopped Flair from interfering. 25 minutes was a good amount of time, but RVD in particular looked completely blown up by the 10 minute mark. The PPV opened with a statement that this show was all about the World Title match, but this was far from the All Time Great Dream Match they were hyping it as.

The next night on Impact, they release the initial top 10 contender's rankings:

Spoiler

10. Samoa Joe
9. Rob Terry
8. Desmond Wolfe
7. the Pope
6. Abyss
5. Mr. Anderson
4. Jeff Hardy
3. AJ Styles
2. Kurt Angle
1. Sting

i skimmed over the next month or so worth of Impacts- this involved watching 10 minutes or less of each episode. Mainly watched to see the final nail in the coffin of the nWo. But here's my thoughts on them:

i caught the WOO-off between Ric Flair and Jay Lethal, and that whole segment is hilarious. strongly recommend.
"The Band" being the tag champs and defending them under "Freebird Rules" had a really nice touch that i may or may not have caught if i was watching each episode separately. The Band defends the titles 2 or 3 times. Eric Young wrestles in each match, but both Hall and Nash are standing on the apron in the corner. They never announce which will be the partner for the night. HOWEVER, in every single one of those matches, neither guy ever tags in. There's usually some sort of shenanigans so it's not necessary, but i thought it was a cool little detail.

i also watched the Double-J-Double-M-A skits from the end of 2010, and every single one made me laugh out loud. if you haven't seen them, check them out too.

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THE MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE (2010)

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