Smugly reviews all of Lucha Underground (or at least tries to before it becomes hard to find on the internet due to takedowns and capricious copyright holders)

[Ramo2653]

7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

I think - and I could be wrong - that the downgrade in tech wouldn't allow Belmo to keep the same speed and rev rate. He'd be shooting rubber for at least a significant part of time that covers Earl's career. Add to that all the other downgrades in tech, from the lane materials themselves to the fact that they didn't have machines to oil the lanes and humans would apply inconsistent patterns, and I don't think he'd be able to simply overpower the lanes in 1974 or whatever. 

My argument for Earl is that accuracy travels across eras, regardless of the technology. Earl could carry the same low-hook light wall shot if he needed to in 2025 is my guess. I watched all the PBA tournaments up through 2000 on Youtube a couple years back starting in like 1975, and his accuracy and ability to repeat a shot was insane. I'm not sure I've ever seen someone repeat the same shot down to the board with the same speed and angle like he did. I think he'd do just fine on heavier oil patterns; he'd have reactive resin and urethane to help him deal with it. I know urethane is banned on tour now, but can you imagine Earl going up the second board with a Pitch Black? My God, he'd be nearly unstoppable. 

Not to knock Belmo too much. I still think he's the third best bowler ever behind Earl and Walter Ray. 

The type of ball you throw doesn't determine your speed and rev rate, that's all physical game which Belmo has in spades. 

Should we have a PBA thread in the sports forum?

Also, as far as the juvenile writing, never forget the Chris DeJoseph was Big Dick Johnson in WWE. Actually you might not have known that because you probably were not watching at the time and you're better off for it.

[SirSmUgly]

4 minutes ago, Ramo2653 said:

The type of ball you throw doesn't determine your speed and rev rate, that's all physical game which Belmo has in spades. 

You are a hundred percent right that it doesn't determine speed, but it does have an effect on rev rate (as does other tech, like how the core is constituted and drilled). Plastic and rubber can't generate the same friction, and therefore the same revs, as reactive resin or even urethane or polyurethane. But I did go way too far; I'm sure Belmo's power would at least make him Mark Roth-level competitive in the '70s and early '80s.

Thinking futher, Belmo's speed control means that I think he'd probably shoot plastic slower to get max angle and revs out of it. The PBA should bring back the Plastic Ball Championships; I wonder if he ever made TV for one of those shows. I think I'm heading over to YouTube to find out. 

I think we'd be the only two people in the PBA thread, but dammit, I'm in! 

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 11: “Aztec Warfare III” or Sexy Star Showtime!

• It’s once again time for one of the better battle royal variants that I’ve seen this side of the Royal Rumble!

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: A preoccupied Dario Cueto is preparing to unlock Matanza from his holding cell when Johnny Mundo, holding the Gift of the Gods title, steps in front of him and jabbers on about how he’s going to win Aztec Warfare and hold both the Gift of the Gods and LU Championship belts at the same time. Taya Valkyrie plays Buff Bagwell to Mundo’s CEO Ric Flair and shoots this whole mess through a camera for the sake of making a fabled documentary that you and I both know won’t ever come to pass, but that Mundo and Taya are too full of themselves to ever consider. Dario is dumbfounded. I don’t blame him. Mundo orders Dario not to look directly into the camera, and then he looks into the camera himself like twenty fucking times. It’s hilarious.

 

• Mundo says that he’s cashing in the GotG belt for next week just in case, not that he’s going to need the insurance. He reveals to the camera that he’s drawn number twelve for the match; Dario, who is annoyed by this cornball, takes his number from him, rips it in two, and hands the half back to him with the number two on it. Dario leaves, but not before getting a kick out of the idea that Matanza will murderize Mundo so badly as soon as he enters at number two that he won’t be able to even make his proposed LU Championship shot next week.

 

• The drums are banging and the crowd is hyped! Let’s chronicle this War of the Faux Fisties!

 

• Matanza Cueto (Entrant 1) certainly looks a tough out, but he doesn’t look unbeatable. Not that I’m saying Johnny Mundo (Entrant 2) has much of a chance to do it. True to his actions in the previous interstitial, Dario beckons to Melissa Santos, and the camera catches him whispering into her ear the followinginstructions: “I know that the second one is supposed to be Sexy Star, but now, it’s Johnny Mundo.” Melissa Santos looks confused, but dutifully does her job, even adding in that Mundo is next up “by random draw” even though Mundo is absolutely not next up by random draw. Star, thanks to the idiocy of her rival Mundo, gets bumped down to number twelve, which is a much better place to try and win from. Y’know, I think she just might do it, too.

 

• Dario has a real shit-eating grin on his face, which I think is the exact opposite of the look that Johnny Mundo has when he walks out here and lifts the belt in the air before walking to his doom. Mundo tries to outwrestle the monster Matanza, then tries to run, then tries to kick. None of it works. Mundo gets capture suplexed into the skyline. He does flip out of a release German – good! – and lands a successful eye poke – better! – but leaps himself right into powerbomb position and gets splattered – real bad!

 

• Son of Havoc (Entrant 3) gets a nice pop as he walks down the stairs. Havoc combos with Mundo to manage a Canadian Destroyer on Matanza, but he only gets two. He lands running SSPs on both men, but can’t earn pinfalls. Matanza, annoyed that someone successfully hit him with a move, gets up and yanks Havoc by his beard. Mundo bails, but Havoc goes at Matanza…and Mundo sneaks back in and helps Havoc knock Matanza over by leg sweeping him at the same time that Havoc lands a springboard crossbody.

 

• It's already time for a new contender to enter; Jeremiah Crane (Entrant 4) seems awfully excited to be out here. He restrains himself from immediately attacking Ivelisse’s ex Havoc to wisely kick Matanza in the head instead. Crane directs traffic; Havoc and Mundo get their kicks in, and then everybody kicks Matanza and knocks him to the floor, where Dario instructs him to “kill Johnny Mundo first” when he makes it back into he ring.

 

• Meanwhile, Crane and Havoc went right at it as soon as Matanza was out of the ring. In the meantime, another real problem to solve walks out here next – Pentagón Dark (Entrant 5). Penta kicks Matanza in the head before getting in the ring. Then he enters, and suffice it to say that there are many kicks. Penta lands a couple of Sling Blades. Matanza is irate; he still has a ton of beef with Penta, and he finally gets back in the ring and attacks him rather than remembering to attack Mundo. Mundo, in the meantime, gets a little backup in the form of P.J. Black (Entrant 6).

 

• Black destroys everyone in the ring and then daps up Mundo. They control the ring, working over Crane and Havoc with suplexes and double-team moves. Mariposa Martinez (Entrant 7) evokes an “ugh” from Vampiro when she appears at the top of the stairs, twirling her hair like a creeper. Yeah, I feel you there, Vamp. Matanza and Penta are trying to end one another outside the ring, and a frantic Dario tries to refocus Matanza away from having a mini-deathmatch with his mortal enemy. Mariposa, meanwhile, lays almost everyone out before taking time to celebrate a Samoan Drop on Havoc. Crane stalks her and hits a double underhook facebuster that Striker calls a Crane Driller. Nice move, my guy, but Dario has successfully separated Matanza from Penta, and now Matanza gets back in the ring and catches Crane from behind [Elimination 1] with a huge swinging German and a bridge that earns the first three count of the match.

 

• Mariposa and Matanza have, uh, is this a meet cute? A hyper-violent meet cute? Yeah, it sort of is, because Mariposa caresses Matanza; Matanza goozles Mariposa and chokeslams her in response [Elimination 2] for a quick second elimination of the night. That’s when Rey Misterio Jr. (Entrant  makes his appearance and teases an Aztec Warfare rematch with Matanza. I want it The crowd wants it. The heels of the Worldwide Underground attack Rey on the floor before we can get it. Rey fights away from them just in time to find Penta all alone in the ring after Havoc dives onto Matanza at ringside. Both men have one pinfall against the other so far this season.

 

• While Penta attacks Rey’s wheels, Dr. Wagner Jr. (Entrant 9) comes to the ring with Famous B. and Brenda in tow. He stares down Penta, but opts to make a quick deal with him; they both attack Rey. Man, Rey’s getting doubled up on as much as Matanza is out here. Rey fought out of an attack from the Worldwide Underground earlier; now, he manages to send Penta to the floor, but Wagner kills his comeback with a boot.

 

• Man, a lot of folks have kayfabe adapted to their experience in the first two matches by standing around and taking a breather. Matanza’s chilling outside watching Rey and Wagner have a singles match in the ring; meanwhile, Mundo and Black have taken to hiding under the ring and letting everyone else go at it. Marty “the Moth” Martinez (Entrant 10) flaps his arms on his way out here. Matanza is back in the ring, and he’s cleared it of opponents for the moment. Marty gets in there and disrespectfully slaps him in the face; he even wins a lariat that knocks Matanza to the floor and follows that with a plancha…that Matanza just sort of ignores as he gets right back up. I’ll give the Moth credit; he goes right at Matanza again immediately, even though he is deposited into the raised railing.

 

• Jack Evans (Entrant 11) walks down and spurs Mundo and Black to leave the safety of their spots beneath the ring to high five him. They decide that now is the time to triple up on some of these dudes in the ring; they isolate Havoc and beat him down; Evans finishes him off [Elimination 3] with a standing moonsault for three. The Worldwide Underground rule the ring just in time for our beneficiary of Johnny Mundo's foolishness, Sexy Star (Entrant 12), to make her way into the match. Star immediately tackles Mundo; Black and Evans rush to pull her away and immediately begin tripling up on her.

 

• Outside the ring, a mass of dudes fight one another; the Worldwide Underground members toss Star onto them on the floor. Vampiro is disgusted by all this teamwork; he calls it “dirty pool,” but I call it “smart.” Vamp wonders what happens if this bloc of cads makes it to the end of the bout, and Striker surmises that we might see a Fingerpoke of Doom, which at least would clear the extremely low bar of making an iota of sense in this context. Just as Vamp starts to ponder this scenario, the Underground makes a mistake by leaving the ring to attempt a series of dives; Black gets kicked in the face by Penta while trying to hit a suicide dive.

 

• Here's Ricky Mandel (Entrant 13), and of course, Vampiro winks at everyone watching this by noting that Mandel’s in at the number trece. Cute, LU bookers. Mandel does about as well in this match as he probably would have if he’d actually entered it when he was Trece. Penta kicks the shit out of the guy on entrance and drops him with a package piledriver. He doesn’t even pin the poor bastard, though; instead, he prepares an arm breaking. Before he can snap Mandel’s limb for the first time in a couple of years (Season One, Show Fourteen), Black Lotus hops onto the apron, and her all-ladies squad of badass ninjas attack Penta in revenge for Penta snapping Lotus’s arm (Season Two, Show Twenty-Six). Rey’s advice to El Dragon Azteca Jr. to chill out on getting revenge on Penta and instead leet all of the enemies that Penta has made destroy him was spot on, and it’s too bad that the young and dumb Azteca didn’t listen.

 

• The Black Lotus Triad, which includes Io Shirai, absolutely annihilates Penta with kicks and a Canadian Destroyer, then disperses. Johnny Mundo slides back into the ring steals the pin on Penta [Elimination 4]; Black does the same on Mandel [Elimination 5]. Their heelish bullshit tactics are starting to get to this crowd by the sound of their low buzz, so great layout and great work in the ring to get these smarks to feel some kind of way about how the Worldwide Underground is executing their grand gameplan. I also love that this happened a year after Catrina and Penta made enemies. Catrina's decision to leave Penta out of Aztec Warfare II encouraged Penta to attack Mil Muertes during the match, leading to Mil’s elimination; Penta’s propensity for making enemies got him eliminated in much the same style this year.

 

• Hooray, it’s Mascarita Sagrada (Entrant 14) – not entrant “fourteen-and-a-half,” Striker, you dick. Of course, just because we can barely have any fun or joy in this danged Temple, Mascarita gets in the ring and is immediately hit with a Wrath of the Gods [Elimination 6] by Matanza and pinned, much to Famous B.’s utter delight. Well, that was a bummer. Speaking of Famous B. (Entrant 15), he’s in this match. He gets in the ring and faces off with Misterio; in his excitement, he hugs the guy and hands him a business card. Rey has zero time for this nonsense. When B. says that his number stars with 4-2-3, Rey brusquely corrects him that the only area code that matters in the ring is 6-1-9. He proves as much by drilling B. with one and then springboard splashing him [Elimination 7] for three.

 

• Black and Mundo notice Rey scoring that last elimination and stop choking Star outside the ring long enough to rush Rey, but he trips them into 6-1-9 position and is tripped in turn by Marty, who spills them to the floor. Rey re-engages with Marty and the Moth struggles to flip forward as Rey victory rolls him [Elimination 8] for a flash three count.

 

• Sexy Star gets some badly needed backup when Willie Mack (Entrant 16) enters the match next. Mack lands a Mack Stunner on Marty just for old times’ sake as Marty leaves ringside. I like that Mack is making a tradition out of hitting a just-eliminated Moth with a Mack Stunner in these Aztec Warfare bouts. Anyway, we move along to Joey Ryan (Entrant 17), and wow, we’re getting right up to the final few combatants. This match has breezed right along. Ryan’s stupid ass tries the handcuff gambit that he tried (and failed with) last year, this time handcuffing himself to the seemingly stronger metal railing that runs down the stairs. He takes his seat on the stairs and, uh, whoops! Here comes Mil Muertes (Entrant 18); Catrina gets a little smirk on her face as she watches Mil goozle Ryan and rip him right out of the handcuffs. He tosses Ryan into the ring. Matanza, already, there, drops Wagner with a swinging back suplex [Elimination 9] just before Mil can complete a Flatliner on Ryan [Elimination 10] and though ref Marty Elias counts the pins at the same time, for the purposes of the table below, I’ll give Matanza the ninth elimination rather than the tenth simply because he landed his move and covered more quickly than Mil did.

 

• The two monsters stare at one another while holding their lateral presses. They slowly get to their feet, never taking their eyes off one another, and then have a clubberfest that spills to the floor. Meanwhile, Kobra Moon (Entrant 19) walks down the stairs and crawls onto the commentary desk, preferring to watch the action. Back in the ring, Evans climbs on Mack’s back and locks on a sleeper, but Mack drills him with a Mack Stunner to escape it [Elimination 11] and makes the cover for three. P.J. Black immediately diverts back into the ring to attack Mack, but as Black charges, Mack hits him with a Pounce (period!), which pops Black up into the air; Mack hits him with a Mack Stunner on the way down [Elimination 12] and covers. Sexy Star steals half an elimination by piling on top.

 

• We know who the final entrant is, and when Drago (Entrant 20) gets to ringside, suddenly Kobra Moon is inspired to action; she leaps onto him and lands a headscissors, then initiates a brawl with him at ringside. They end up back in the ring, where Drago hooks Kobra and rolls her up in the Tail of the Dragon [Elimination 13] for three…then is immediately jumped and hit with a flipping slam by Matanza [Elimination 14] that keeps him down for three seconds. Boy, Drago fought his friends in a brutal battle a couple weeks back and busted up his buddy Fenix’s nose, and for what? I guess it wasn’t completely a pyrrhic victory since he was able to eliminate his enemy Moon, but that’s got to be a heck of a disappointing waste of his late entry no matter how you cut it from a storyline perspective.

 

• An isolated Mundo is getting his ass whipped out there without his buddies to protect him; he eats a vertical suplex on the mats from Mack and scuttles away in pain. In the ring, Rey squares off with Matanza. He does okay for himself until he tries a springboard; Matanza catches him and hits him with a Samoan Drop. However, Rey’s attack has distracted him enough that everyone else has a chance to regroup. Mundo kicks Matanza in the jaw; Mil catches him with a spear as he rises to his feet. Matanza tries to get up again, but Star drills him with a Codebreaker. Matanza manages not to topple over after that, but there’s Mack to land a jumping kick to the side of his head and then score a Mack Stunner. Matanza still won’t fall, but he’s hurt, and Mundo’s springboard kick knocks him down. Rey, meanwhile, has recovered. He dropkicks Matanza into 6-1-9 position, completes the move, dropkicks him over the ropes on the other side of the ring, and attempts a second one. Matanza catches his legs and lifts him up for a slam, but Rey squiggles away, maneuvers into sunset flip position, and lands a Code Red [Elimination 15] that manages to finally eliminate Matanza, much to Dario’s shock. Dario owns the company, so he considers maybe cheating and changing the rules of this match, which is definitely something that the moneyed class has a compunction for doing.

 

• Matanza boots Rey in frustration and then bashes him into the railing. He takes out the ref, then continues his assault on Misterio. I sure would have liked for Rey to be the champ, you know. It would have ruled. You know what’s pretty cool, though? While this massacre is ongoing, Mundo walks over, taps an agitated Dario on the shoulder, and then flicks him off when he turns around to see who is touching him. Dario, aggy as hell: “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me.” Mundo cackles with glee. Hilarious spot. Meanwhile, Matanza plants Rey with a Wrath of the Gods in the center of the ring before dropping to the floor and swinging a chair around. Dario tries to calm him down by holding up the cell key, but Matanza shoves him to the floor and lumbers off to maybe destroy the rest of this building.

 

• Meanwhile, you can guess what Johnny Mundo is up to [Elimination 16]: Pinning the utterly destroyed Rey Misterio Jr.! He celebrates, but is almost rolled up for three by Star. While Mundo lays the boots to Star, note that his two eliminations sound amazing without the context: Penta and Misterio. Of course, he pinned both of them after other people had done the damage and he just stole the valor. Mundo is having a very good night as a performer in this match, nailing his cowardly heel strategy and being incredibly easy to hate.

 

• P.J. Black and Jack Evans run back down here to help Mundo beat up Star while Misterio does a stretcher job. This crowd is unhappy in the best of ways. Misterio is getting wheeled out of here; Mundo and his buddies are celebrating in the ring like a trio of dorks; their favorites are pretty much all eliminated. They need some hope. And Angelico gives it to them! He makes an appearance and gets revenge for the dorks in the ring destroying his leg by doing his yearly office dive onto all three Worldwide Underground members. Angelico gets a huge (and grateful, to my ears) pop. Star crawls over and covers Mundo for tres [Elimination 17] without having done a damned thing to knock him out, which is only what Mundo deserves considering how he made his eliminations tonight.

 

• Mack, Star, and Mil are the only three left. Vegas’s money would be on Mil if this were a shoot, but it’s not, so I feel comfortable keeping my chips on Star. Mack and Star join up and attack Mil, who is able to fight his way out of their dual attack and land a spear on Mack. He drills Mack with a Flatliner [Elimination 18] and gets three. OK, how is Star going to believably win this thing? I mean, Ivelisse credibly came close against Mil, so I can see the path. Then again, I just saw Mil snatch Puma’s soul last week. Literally, in fact! Mil chokeslams Star, but then he incredibly leaves the ring and grabs a table instead of just landing a Flatliner and getting out of dodge with the gold. These dudes kayfabe play around with their female opponents and get punished for it often enough that they should maybe learn from one another’s errors.

 

• Mil even gets a chair and lays it down, then tries a move that gets reversed by Star into a DDT right on the chair. She grabs the chair and tees off with a series of chair shots to Mil’s head. That only gets 2.9, but Mil is wobbled. Star takes off, hits the ropes, and runs into a goozle. Mil shoves her into the table, but she dodges his spear, and he takes a header into the table. Star covers…for another 2.9. Star’s kind of outta ideas here; she squares up to Mil and eats a straight right. Mil naturally covers…no, sorry, he gets another table. Man, that’s some dumb heel hubris nonsense! Mil picks Star up and seats her up top, then preps a top rope Flatliner. We get a shot of a few ladies in the crowd. They can barely watch! Star elbows her way out and shoves Mil off her and through the table. The ladies are overjoyed! Star follows with a double stomp, hooks the leg, and sneaks an improbable three count [Elimination 19] and the Lucha Underground Championship. Man, I love Aztec Warfare.

 

• This match wasn’t as good as last year’s Aztec Warfare, but come on, that’s like saying that a great Royal Rumble Match pales in comparison to the one in ’92. After a shaky first edition of this match, the agents figured out how to have fun, compelling layouts for these bouts that deserve the same amount of credit that the best Pat Patterson-directed Royal Rumbles get. I’m sad that there is only one more of these matches to go at most. 4.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

 

• Bonus: Please enjoy this version of the Aztec Warfare eliminations table that I always enjoy making as an addendum to these posts!

Aztec Warfare Elimination Table #3 (Season Three, Episode Eleven)

Entrant	Eliminations Made	Eliminated By (Order)
1.      Matanza Cueto (c)	5 (Jeremiah Crane, Mariposa Martinez, Mascarita Sagrada, Dr. Wagner Jr., Drago)	Rey Misterio Jr. (15th)
2.      Johnny Mundo	2 (Pentagón Dark, Rey Misterio Jr.)	Sexy Star (17th)
3.      Son of Havoc	None	Jack Evans (3rd)
4.      Jeremiah Crane	None	Matanza Cueto (1st)
5.      Pentagón Dark	None	Johnny Mundo (4th)
6.      P.J. Black	1 (Ricky Mandel)	Willie Mack and Sexy Star (12th)
7.      Mariposa Martinez	None	Matanza Cueto (2nd)
8.      Rey Misterio Jr.	3 (Famous B., Marty “the Moth” Martinez, Matanza Cueto)	Johnny Mundo (16th)
9.      Dr. Wagner Jr.	None	Matanza Cueto (9th)
10.  Marty “the Moth” Martinez	None	Rey Misterio Jr. (8th)
11.  Jack Evans	1 (Son of Havoc)	Willie Mack (11th)
12.  Sexy Star	2.5 (P.J. Black, Johnny Mundo, Mil Muertes)	WINNER AND NEW LUCHA UNDERGROUND CHAMPION
13.  Ricky Mandel	None	P.J. Black (5th)
14.  Mascarita Sagrada	None	Matanza Cueto (6th)
15.  Famous B.	None	Rey Misterio Jr. (7th)
16.  Willie Mack	1.5 (Jack Evans. P.J. Black)	Mil Muertes (18th)
17.  Joey Ryan	None	Mil Muertes (10th)
18.  Mil Muertes	2 (Joey Ryan, Willie Mack)	Sexy Star (19th)
19.  Kobra Moon	None	Drago (13th)
20.  Drago	1 (Kobra Moon)	Matanza Cueto (14th)

 

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 12: “Every Woman is Sexy, Every Woman is a Star” or In Low Star Spirits

• I am so incredibly glad to make another visit to the Temple!

 

• Recap: Aztec Warfare happened. Killshot didn’t make it thanks to Dante Fox. Pentagón Dark didn’t advance very far due to the Black Lotus Triad. Johnny Mundo had another near miss at becoming the top champion after Angelico sunk him with a dive. Sexy Star, meanwhile, just keeps on enduring. In fact, after a group effort led to Rey Misterio Jr. winning the first ever pinfall on Matanza Cueto, Star endured her way right to the Lucha Underground Championship!

 

• Psychedelic Cult of the White Rabbit teaser: Paul London wearing a top hat, a white suit, and a COVID beard is kinda freakin' me out, man. London (using a carrot as a weapon) successfully spars with the other members of his tribe-slash-cult. Notably, this teaser is unlike the other ones in that it doesn’t end with the phrase TICK TOCK, THEY’RE COMING. That’s because this one ends with TICK TOCK, THEY’RE HERE. All we needed was London blowing out a lantern after THEY’RE HERE popped up on screen. Seriously, this whole White Rabbit Cult is the Wyatt Family on PCP instead of meth.

 

• Vampiro playfully punches Matt Striker as Striker announces that Sexy Star has won the Lucha Underground Championship. It’s a tough break for her that she’s got to immediately defend it against Gift of the Gods title holder Johnny Mundo. But first…

 

• …the Rabbit Tribe (which is what we’ll call them going forward) makes their way to the ring. They’re a team consisting of Paul London, Saltador, and Mala Suerte. They’re immediately up for a Lucha Underground Trios Tag Team Championship shot at the reigning and defending Super Friends (Rey Fenix, Drago, and Aerostar). Poor Melissa Santos has to stand there, shrinking away from the trust circle that the Tribe forms around her. More like MIStrust circle, amirite? Anyway, I like my name for them better (especially as Vampiro explicitly identifies them as a cult on commentary), but it’s a small thing in the scheme of it all.

 

• Striker does a great job of being like, Yo, Paul London was a little weird back when I knew him back in the Dub, but this whole Rabbit Tribe thing is out there even for him. True. Did London smoke an especially bad batch of weed and go off the deep end? Anyway, on a thigh-slap scale where “least obvious” is Prince Puma, “most obvious” is Fenix, and dead in the middle is Alberto El Patrón, these thigh slaps score a…Puma, but more accurately, he would score a Shawn Michaels if HBK ever made his way into the Temple because they do it the exact same way.

 

• London lands a trust fall on a group of wrestlers outside the ring, then gets up and thrusts his pouch-covered junk. And to think that he’s still far more lucid than Brian Kendrick! Mala Suerte does a spot where he has his compatriots hold Fenix in place, then asks them to back up more…and more…and more…until they’re in the opposite corner from him. He raises up on the top rope, prepares to launch, and of course instead of leaping across the ring like a superhero, he jumps down and runs over before landing a dropkick. The crowd starts a mock HOLY SHIT chant.

 

• Meanwhile, as the babyfaces start a comeback, Aerostar accidentally dropkicks Drago. Vampiro asks if Mala Suerte, who was involved in that sequence, actually caused the miscommunication because he's a literal inducer of bad luck.

 

• Speaking of things that are bad, this match is bad, by the way. It’s terrible. It’s largely pantomime and bad comedy. For example, London and Saltador run over and pull the faces off the apron, then take their place while Fenix tries to get another hot tag. The idea is solid, but the gag goes on a beat too long. Fenix kicks London, who freezes in place with a goofy look on his face as he leans, but doesn’t fall over. I feel that the trios tag belts were somewhat aimless after the Worldwide Underground was vanquished, but if we’re going to get a bunch of bad comedy from the champion Rabbit Tribe, I feel that leaving the titles on the Super Friends and just having them wrestle random trios teams would be preferable.

 

• And lucky enough, that last one is what we get (for now, at least). Kobra Moon watches from high up in the Temple as Fenix manages to catch Saltador in a flash pin with a bridge for three. Kobra angrily cuts in on the post-match babyface celebration to warn Drago that she hasn’t forgotten about him and that he will bow to her. That stunk. Moving on!

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Sexy Star polishes her Lucha Underground Championship title belt; Willie Mack walks in and jokingly says that he should be champ, then gives her a big hug and says that he’s proud of her. Awwww. What a nice friendship! I dig these two being buds. Mack vows to be at ringside for Star’s title defense, hoping to avoid another successful Worldwide Underground plot on a title held by his pal Star. However, Star wants to defend her title on her own to prove that she deserves to be the champ. Mack agrees with her wishes. They do a special friendship dap. That is heartwarming as fuck.

 

• I’m being subjected to a Dante Fox singles match. Striker can’t help slipping in a Clerks reference before filling us in on Fox’s motivations for feuding with Killshot. He doesn’t know that we’ve seen more than enough information about why Fox is motivated to feud with Killshot. Speaking of, Killshot is Fox’s opponent, and he is now officially mad over with the Temple crowd. I have to give LU’s bookers a ton of credit because Killshot was a nothing midcarder until they decided to heat him up, and they pretty much nailed said heating up every step of the way.

 

• Killshot pleads with Fox, trying to calm him down, but Fox shoves him, then swings a fist. Killshot blocks it, and Fox sports a dopey WWE style shocked face. Well, I see this is going to be a bad night for wrestling here on Lucha Underground. Both men do a tumbling machine while Striker screams ISIS BEWARE! Fox does a pair of suicide dives, but his third attempt is met by a boot to the mush. These dudes do some more contrived spots before Killshot races to catch Fox on a step-up SSP to the floor and just barely gets there. The crowd starts chanting for Fox, so I suppose that Killshot ain’t that over.

 

• These fells trade moves without rhyme or reason. Is a hanging neckbreaker to the floor that cool when it’s just one in a series of big moves that are fired off within the first five minutes of a match? This thing absolutely fuckin’ STINKS. These two mediocrities do their little floor exercise and then have a nonsensical fucking FIGHTING SPIRIT exchange in the center of the ring while Fox auditions for a WWE spot with his over-the-top facial expressions. They just hit moves back and forth on one another. I guess they at least sell for like fifteen seconds after that last mindless MOVEZ trade before getting back up to do some more move trading.

 

• There’s a cross arm breaker in there somewhere, and then Killshot hits a DVD from the top rope, dumping Fox back-first onto the apron in a move that sounded and looked hurty and probably did hurt pretty badly. Killshot rolls Fox back into the ring, compounds the damage with a double-stomp…and only gets two because nothing fucking matters in this stupid-ass match. Fuck this match. FUCKING END IT ALREADY. OMG, they do fucking contrived kip-up spots to avoid lariats. Fox hits a running springboard C-4 and transitions into a fishhook brainbuster known as the Foxcatcher for three. That was an extraordinarily bad wrestling match, but a decent demonstration of complex wrestling moves.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Johnny Mundo bursts into Dario Cueto’s office holding the Gift of the Gods title and blames Dario for Angelico’s interference at Aztec Warfare III that led directly to his loss. Dario says that he can’t be at fault because he wasn’t even aware that Angelico was in the building. Heck, Dario says, if he knew Angelico were in the building, he’d have swapped Mundo out of Aztec Warfare for the guy because he’s the man in charge around here!

 

• Mundo responds in the way that you’d expect Mundo to: He sics his lawyer on everyone. He’s gotten a restraining order against Angelico, and Dario says that he saw the communique from Mundo’s lawyer about the restraining order and barred Angelico from the Temple tonight. In a funny little exchange, Mundo approves of Dario's decision by claiming, “You’re not as stupid as you look,” and when Dario cuts a sharp, “What?!” at him, Mundo averts his eyes and rephrases: “That was smart of you.” Dario does say that Angelico won’t be out of the Temple forever because he’s not putting up with Mundo and his legal games for very long. Mundo then asserts that he’ll be winning the Lucha Underground Championship tonight, and he hopes to get a little more respect from the owner of the Temple once he does. Dario, as Mundo turns to leave: “What a jerk.” Mundo, separately: “What a jerk.” Dario: “What?!” Mundo tries to play it off and leaves. Dario: “What a prick.” Hahaha, these two scumbags not being able to stand one another is tremendous. I always love it when completely unlikeable heels were so unlikeable that even they can’t stand one another.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto apparently left his office for a second; he returns to see Black Lotus sitting in his seat. Lotus demands a match against Pentagón Dark because she and the Triad want to break him. Dario readily agrees to put the Triad up against Penta in a Gauntlet Match, and even if Penta loses to one of them, if there are any others who haven’t yet got a shot to wrestle him, they still get their chance. In other words, Penta has to wrestle all four of them no matter what. How much do you think that Dario is loving this gift that Penta and Vampiro have given him? He was getting hemmed in on all sides for his responsibility in lying to Black Lotus and convincing her to murder El Dragon Azteca Sr., but Penta randomly busted in on her match with Azteca Jr. (and busted up their arms), causing both of them to get distracted with revenging themselves on Penta and completely diverting themselves from finding out exactly who killed Azteca Sr., why, and whether or not the "why" was rooted in truth.

 

• Well, at least the interstitials on this show have been awesome (per the usual). It’s now time for the main event: Sexy Star defends her Lucha Underground Championship against Johnny Mundo, who now relinquishes the Gift of the Gods belt and starts another cycle full of medallions and mayhem. I still feel that Mundo is going to win the big belt off of Star, but I don’t think it’s happening tonight. I feel certain that Mundo does win the belt at some point this season, though.

 

• Star starts out winning an arm wringer, but Mundo works out of it and wraps on a sugar hold. Star makes the ropes, so Mundo drags her away and locks on a surfboard, then curb stomps her for an early two count. He tries another quick cover, but again only earns two. Mundo hooks Star, drops her with a vertical suplex, and covers with a hook of the leg for two. I like that Mundo is working his size advantage and being deliberate in taking her down.

 

• Oops, Mundo sets up for an early End of the World; he takes time to gesture to the crowd and gets rolled up for two, but as he kicks out, he grabs Star’s arm and sticks her in a YES! Lock. Mundo is smothering Star, and even though she escapes that hold, she ends up losing a strikefest and eats a series of kicks while in Tree of Woe position for her loss. Star finally does punch her way out of a jam, but Mundo sticks a knee in her pum pum to stop all that nonsense. He looks for another End of the World, but Star moves and lands a series of low dropkicks. She lands a sitout facebuster, but only gets two. I appreciate that she’s wrestling in bursts and trying to kill Mundo off before he can reassert his size advantage. Mundo’s doing a decent job of wrestling big here.

 

• Mundo cuts off Star again with a thumb to the eye, then goes right back to deliberately working Star over. A Mundo reverse neckbreaker only nets him two on the pinfall, so he goes to the chinlock. Star does manage to get up to a vertical base, and when Mundo tries to back suplex her, she gets a victory roll counter for two, then a roll-up for two more when Mundo kicks out and charges her.

 

• Star’s next flurry is cut off by a kick, but Mundo gets punished on a corner charge with a boot to the face. He rushes in again blindly, but eats a headscissors and then a lungblower that Star covers on for two. Star’s feeling herself now, but Mundo mule kicks her in the solar plexus, then scores a backbreaker/side Russian combo for two. Mundo leaves his feet, though, which is a mistake because it allows Star some space to counter. This time, he tries a springboard move, but Star simply kicks his legs out from under him, then lands a double stomp as Mundo hangs tangled in the ropes. Her pinfall, in which she stands up and crosses his legs to hook them, doesn’t give her enough leverage for three.

 

• It's wild how much better this match is than either of the other two, and it’s really down to Mundo working like a 6’6 WWE heel in a solid midcard PPV bout. Mundo’s work has made this a good title bout. He ends up outside the ring after missing a baseball slide; Star lands a running flipping body press to the floor, then stomps out Mundo while she’s out there. Mundo shoves her away and then yanks a crutch from a plant wearing a Sexy Star mask. That delay means that when he tries to hit her with it, she ducks it and then takes it from him, chasing Mundo back into the ring.

 

• Mundo hides behind the ref, who takes the crutch away. When Star goes outside to help her fan up, of course she gets decked with the Power of the Punch by the masked fan. Star is out, and Mundo’s follow-up End of the World is academic and earns him the Lucha Underground Championship. OK, I was wrong; Star went oh-for-two against Mundo in short order. Taya Valkyrie takes off her Sexy Star mask and celebrates in the ring with Mundo; the rest of the Worldwide Underground joins them as the show ends.

 

• I don’t know about this, folks. The match was pretty good, but the booking was bad. If you’re going to put the belt on Star because you feel you have to, because you’ve built her up as the ultimate fighting babyface, and because you want to show that anyone can win in the Temple if they’ve got the heart (or the trickery), then having Star’s big, journey-defining win get negated the very next week is pretty fucking stupid. I mean, I was an advocate of not having Star win the title at all, but once she did, she needed to hold it for at least three or four weeks before losing it.

 

• The first two matches were tough watches and the last one had highly questionable booking. This episode was a surprisingly poor follow-up to a great Aztec Warfare: 0.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited September 17 by SirSmUgly

[zendragon]

Paul had always been a bit out their, but thankfully he hasn't gone completely off the deep end into Holocaust denial 

[Ramo2653]

For reference, Saltador is the true utility player of LU, El Mariachi Loco and Mala Suerte is Mr. Cisco which if you want to mix casting choices with LU lore is a crappy way to get reincarnated and back to the Temple.

[SirSmUgly]

16 hours ago, Ramo2653 said:

For reference, Saltador is the true utility player of LU, El Mariachi Loco and Mala Suerte is Mr. Cisco which if you want to mix casting choices with LU lore is a crappy way to get reincarnated and back to the Temple.

I sort of guessed that Mala Suerte was Cisco just by his shape and the way he moves and gestures. 

Honestly, going from being one of Ryck's/Dario's/Chavo's flunkies to spending time in a compound on some farmland with a bunch of rabbits and consuming copious amounts of hash and LSD seems like a lateral move at worst. On the other hand, I think El Mariachi Loco has improved his situation from his last appearance. I don't think Mil is sharing his mystical drugs with anyone. 

[Curt McGirt]

Mil's mysterious drugs are pretty conventional if you have the right hookup in the locker room

[Gorman]

On 7/4/2025 at 3:12 PM, SirSmUgly said:

That sort of effortless grace in the air that you’d see from Michael Jordan or Dominique Wilkins (or Spud Webb!)

Thank you for shouting out my all-time favorite athlete (Spud, of course).

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 13: “Breaker of Bones” or Gauntlet (Stardom) Legends

• Recap: Azteca Jr., Black Lotus, and Matanza Cueto are part of the opposite of a love triangle. Yep, they’re definitely a death triangle. Though considering Pentagón Dark managing to wend his way into their greater-scope feud, it’s more like a death parallelogram now. Death rhombus? No, death parallelogram.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Vampiro and Penta bump shoulders while walking past one another backstage just like that cutscene where Taz(z) bumps into whichever wrestler that you are playing as in WWF No Mercy for the Nintendo 64. Vampiro lectures Penta with barely-concealed glee about how all of Penta’s constant feuding with everyone in the Temple is going to come back to hurt him. He suggests that even if Penta survives his Gauntlet Match against the Black Lotus Triad, he’ll still have a receipt pending for when Penta attacked him at Ultima Lucha Dos. Penta is untroubled and wordlessly hits his catchphrase with a simple hand sign and walks away, Vampiro staring after him.

 

• I note that Vampiro is pretty quiet on color this week as Matt Striker talks us through the show’s big match, which of course involves Vamp's former tutee Pentagón Dark. In fact, Vamp says nothing when Striker tries to kick it over to him for a few words on Penta’s various instances of violence. That match might just be a show-long match; Penta walks out to the ring for the bout immediately after the commentary desk intros the show.

 

• Doku makes her way to the ring as Penta’s first opponent while Vampiro does his best Jake Roberts impression and tells a parable that essentially is about the irascible pupil creating a hell for themselves by attacking the wise mentor. Striker wonders if that parable is about his relationship with Penta. Duh. Meanwhile, Doku opens up with slaps and a kick on Penta, who responds by dropkicking her into Nevada. Damn, that was nasty. Penta doesn’t seem to be taking Doku very seriously; he’s not really trying that hard to defend himself and is willingly eating strikes. When he decides to hit offense, Doku bumps herself around the ring like she’s a character in WWE All-Stars, available on multiple platforms. Penta decides to assert himself; Doku takes chops and kicks before being sent to the floor. Penta failing to take her seriously and instead choosing to inflict more needless violence instead of getting a quick victory and saving some energy makes me hope that he ends up losing this because it's still real to me, dammit!

 

• Vampiro continues his previous parable and tacks on an ending in which the irascible pupil humbles himself in front of his mentor and creates for himself a heaven. That whole deal rates a good 7.5/10 on the “Jake Roberts Offers Up a Parable” Scale. Penta, meanwhile, gorilla presses Doku onto the apron, tosses her around at ringside, and then puts her back in the ring and kicks her. Penta fucks around for too long and eats a spear, though. I’m shocked that she didn’t just bounce off of him. Then, of course, she lands that sick fucking Savage Elbow. Rad! Other than Randy Savage, Doku/Kairi Sane has basically the greatest top-rope flying elbow ever. She weighs almost nothing, but it looks like it hurts as much as the 235-ish pound Savage’s elbow does. She signals for another one, but Penta traps her arm as she lands and rolls her into arm breaker position, then breaks her arm and earns a KO victory.

 

• I don’t know that this Gauntlet Match needed to be a show-long match. But at least we get another…

 

• ...Seedy backstage interstitial: Jeremiah Crane works out in this sweaty-looking (and probably smelling) Temple gym when his reps are interrupted by Catrina. Now that Mil Muertes’s feud with Prince Puma has momentarily been put to rest, she has time to focus on fucking with her opponent for Ultima Lucha Tres, Ivelisse, and apparently her first line of attack is via Ivelisse's volatile boyfriend. Catrina pretends to be bummed that Ivelisse busted up her leg again (Season Three, Show Ten) and does her little teleporting act on Crane as they talk about Ivelisse’s injury (on a second watch, you'd notice that Crane sort of sighs and expects it from her instead of reacting in shock like you think he would, which is a nice detail). Then she does her creepy seductress act on Crane and, uh, reveals that they know one another already: “You’re the one who brought me here. I didn’t think that you would return. But here you are. In the flesh. Aren’t you happy to see me again?” Um, what? Does Catrina happen to know everydamnbody and everydamnthing? Is she a wizard? A genius?

 

• So, Catrina says that she knows that Crane still loves her and doesn’t feel that kind of way about Ivelisse, and she knows that because Crane is wearing a chunk of her mystical stone that he took from her as a memento around his neck. Then, she mock apologizes and says that unfortunately for Crane, she’s in love with someone else. She does not specify who that “someone else” is, but we all remember that it’s actually probably Fenix, right? Anyway, she gives her relationship with Crane a Lick of Death, which Crane grimaces about because he’s completely sprung, the poor bastard. And what the fuck does she mean about Crane bringing her “here?” I presume she means bringing her to the Temple, but she didn’t specify, and I find it hard to believe that Crane would be the one to clue her into some dark Aztec mysticism shit.

 

• Back in the ring, Penta gabs about how easy that last arm breaking was and suggests that he can do that shit all night, right up through when he gets to Black Lotus and breaks her arm again and maybe also breaks her back for the first time, too, if he fuckin’ feels like it. Melissa Santos then introduces Penta’s next opponent: Yurei.

 

• I feel like I should finally get around to watching some Stardom, but then I think that probably I wouldn’t be into the house style. What proceeds is an entirely watchable match in which another Stardom worker leaps around and sells really well and generally shows why the people who like Stardom really like Stardom. Yurei actually tosses Penta around at ringside even though like Doku, she’s also very small, which Vamp notes on commentary. I’m having to tell myself that Penta’s not really trying and is enjoying taking a bunch of offense without fighting back for some reason.

 

• The wrestlers have an uninspired crowd brawl in which they trade a ton of strikes. They finally make it back to the ring, and boy, was it a mistake to run this as the show’s only match. LU’s low-key been on a mid streak of episodes, especially from a wrestling standpoint, over the past months’ worth of shows or so. Aztec Warfare II being so good has sort of covered for the weaker episodes on either side of it. Penta eventually locks on a legbar, and though Yurei makes the ropes, Penta targets her leg going forward. Yurei lands a kick on a corner charge and then a diving headscissors from the top; she follows with a top-rope double-stomp for two. Yurei next lands a tornado DDT, but goes up top to try and finish Penta, flips forward, and leaps right into package piledriver position. Penta drops her on her head and then snaps her arm to win the second match in the gauntlet. This isn’t bad so far, but I want to get to the end and see how El Dragon Azteca Jr. insinuates himself into the finish, which I presume he will be since he got a ton of attention in the show-opening recap.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Matanza Cueto works out by punching the walls in his cell, but he is interrupted by his brother Dario, who loves Matanza’s fire especially considering that he booked Matanza in a title match against Johnny Mundo next week. Matanza, however, disagrees with Dario’s booking. He retorts that he cannot feel worthy of once again becoming the Lucha Underground Champion if he does not first avenge his pinfall loss to Rey Misterio Jr. from back at Aztec Warfare II. I mean, he explains his feelings by yelling NO! and then MISTERIO!, but I classed it up for him a bit. We then see that Matanza has torn his flesh and punched his knuckles bloody; the blood released from said knuckles is of such a quantity that there is enough to form a large question mark on the wall, which obviously signals that Matanza is angry at the Riddler. No, sorry, he’s angry at Rey Misterio Jr. Sorry, but when I see a giant question mark, I think "Riddler" first and "Rey Misterio Jr." second. 

 

• We cut back to the ring, where Penta’s next opponent Hitokiri jumps Penta from behind with a missile dropkick. That sends Penta to the floor, and Hitokiri follows with a lovely top-rope moonsault and a wild suicide dive. Hitokiri is great in the air, is what I’m saying. She yanks a chair from underneath the ring and uses it as a battering ram to knock Penta back to the floor before opening up with it over his back and using the chair’s legs to choke Penta out. I have to give Hitokiri credit for having incredibly good-looking offense that seems almost effortlessly done on her part while she beats the absolute dog piss outta Penta at ringside.

 

• Were Kairi Sane and Io Shirai two of the best athletes in the game at this time? Seriously, from an aesthetic standpoint, everything they do looks excellent. When Stardom sends their ladies to wrestle under other names as part of the Black Lotus Triad, they are sending their best. Anyway, Hitokiri/Shirai even pulls up the mats at ringside and slams Penta on the cold, unforgiving floor while Vampiro practically has an orgasm at ringside watching his former-blood-enemy-turned-former-charge-turned-current-blood-enemy eating a whole hunk of damage. His life bar should be in the dark red at this point. Penta finally gets a kick in on a Hitokiri duckdown, which annoys the shit out of her, so she kicks him a bunch and then goes for a handspring move. Alas, she doesn’t see Penta follow her in and hit a low dropkick into her solar plexus as she does the handspring and rebounds off the ropes. That looked absolutely fucking nasty. If he’d broken her arm off that bump and ended the match right there, I would have bought it. But no, he’s got to chop the shit out of her first.

 

• Actually, Penta also decides to pay her back for all the damage she inflicted to him outside the ring by tossing her into the chairs and then whipping her with a camera cable. I don’t know, maybe I would like Stardom’s house style. They have too much of a rep for developing awesome workers for me not to at least see if I actually like it.

 

• I just saw the end-of-match angle in which Terry Funk choked out Ric Flair with a plastic produce bag on the WCW Watch Party stream over on YouTube, and what I loved about that spot is that it was inhumanely violent, but also very safe. Hell, you could see Ric’s mouth was unencumbered by the bag. I watched the guy huff in air and still bought that he was suffocated to within an inch of his life. I say this because Penta wraps the cable around Hitokiri’s neck, then tangles her up against the ringpost and yanks, and that looks inhumanely violent while being safe. Penta continues giving receipts of his own with chair shots and whips into chairs. They really gave these ladies time to show out on their trip to the States, huh? Hitokiri lands a desperation drop toehold that knocks Penta’s head into an opened chair’s seat and, realizing that she needs to risk it all to win this, hustles up the stairs and onto the top of Dario Cueto’s office, where she leaps down and scores a successful diving crossbody. Honestly, this hasn’t been much of a match in terms of flow, but as a showcase for Shirai, it’s been an extremely fun watch. Bonus: Hitokiri lands a Canadian Destroyer on Penta back in the ring and gets three to a HUGE pop because she’s obviously a star and should be treated as such.

 

• Penta had better get his ass back up, though; he still has to wrestle Black Lotus even though he lost to Hitokiri. Lotus is surrounded by the other ninjas as she comes to the ring; she kicks ref Marty Elias as Elias tries to wake Penta up from nighty-night land and then goes on the attack. Vampiro looks like he’s seen a hot stripper holding a juicy stake that is just for him as he watches Lotus snap Penta’s arm, though in truth, I don’t think she got all of it. She looks like Queen Shit in the ring…at least until El Dragon Azteca Jr. walks down the stairs and enters the ring to confront her. They glare at one another, but Lotus signals to the rest of the Triad that maybe it’s time to dip out for now. Good idea! Azteca’s here for Penta, not for her. He snaps Penta’s other arm. Vampiro has basically melted into his seat at this point, not so much a living being as a sentient puddle of joy and happiness.

 

• Seedy church interstitial: Prince Puma has been laying in state since he was carted out of that Grave Consequences Match the loser (Season Three, Show Ten), but he awakens with a snap. He’s laying in a church, but a light cast upon a cross inverts the cross’s shape on the wall. That means only one thing: Unholy bishop Vampiro is back and ready to manipulate Puma into doing his bidding! He bids Puma to join him upon what will surely be an unfortunate journey for Puma.

 

• As an episode, this show was decent, but not as good as I’ve come to expect from prime Lucha Underground. As a showcase for the ladies of Stardom, it was wonderful. The story hooks in the interstitials were also absolute positives for this ep. 3.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 14: “Bulls of Boyle Heights” or Far worse four-player action than you’d get in WWF No Mercy for the Nintendo 64 home console

• Recap: Johnny Mundo has weaseled his way into holding the Lucha Underground Championship and has made a load of enemies in the bargain to boot: Sexy Star, Angelico, and even Dario Cueto himself. But now, he’s got to keep the title (and play keep away from those enemies of his)! Also, just in case you forgot, Brian Cage is up two matches to one in his best-of-five series with Texano, and as a reminder, the winner becomes a walking vessel for a bunch of violent, crazed Aztec gods. I’d rather win a bread maker, myself.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Angelico knocks politely on Dario Cueto’s office and demands a shot at Johnny Mundo, whether for the title or not, when Dario invites him in. Dario says that he’d love to make that match, but Mundo’s lawyer has him all tied up with the whole restraining order that Mundo has against Angelico. Angelico suggests that maybe he should sue Dario for the multiple attacks that he’s taken from Mundo and the Worldwide Underground on Dario’s property, which is when Dario does some lawyering of his own, rushing an explanation that all employees within the Temple have signed away their rights to sue no matter what injuries they might sustain on his property. Where does Dario think he is? Georgia? California isn’t a right to work state, and you’re not running WCW, Dario. Calmate.

 

• The next tactic Angelico tries is offering a handshake and then weakly yanking Dario forward and threatening to hit him with a Fall of the Angels through the desk. Suffice it to say that Angelico’s acting sucks and he didn’t get close to pulling this maneuver off with an ounce of conviction. Luis Fernandez-Gil does an admirable job of pretending to be shook anyway, so good for him. Dario seemingly makes up a new tournament immediately to get out of the jam: The Battle of the Bulls, which will happen tonight. The winner will receive a shot at Mundo and the Lucha Underground Championship next week. Angelico flatly enunciates that after he wins the tournament and finishes off Mundo next week, Johnny will have more need of an undertaker than a lawyer. No, not need of the Undertaker. Need of any old undertaker. Dario thinks that Angelico is stupid (and don’t forget, he thinks Angelico is stupid), though he only vocalizes that after Angelico leaves. Ah, maintaining a commitment to pretending that Angelico is in any way threatening: Fernandez-Gil is such a pro.

 

• Over at the desk, Vampiro sure seems far more talkative than he normally is tonight. Hmm, it’s almost like he’s achieved his goal of finding a new mentee that he can imbue with the dark power of extreme violence!

 

• The first match in the Battle of the Bulls tournament pits Brian Cage, Texano, Joey Ryan, and Dr. Wagner Jr. (w/Famous B. and Brenda) against one another. Obviously, B. steals the mic from Melissa Santos, but Cage mows him down with a lariat before he can introduce Wagner. This sparks a bunch of guys running at one another and hitting impact moves one by one until Cage and Texano are left in the center of the ring, where they talk shit and throw punches and leg kicks with obvious thigh slaps. Ryan and Wagner are tossed around, obviously secondary in importance to the other two guys.

 

• Dear reader, I feel like if you've read enough of my reviews, you can likely fill in what I’ll say about this match. Let’s do a Mad Libs sort of deal. First, pick the following types of word: adjective, wrestling move (plural form), wrestling move (plural form), adjective, verb, verb, adjective, adjective, noun, name of one of the wrestlers in this match, adjective.

 

•  Then, insert them into the blanks in the paragraph below in the order that you wrote them out.

 

• This _____________ Fatal Fourway Match had a lot of ____________ and _____________. Brian Cage looked like a _____________ wrestler, but he did tend to ________________ quite a few of his moves. Texano continues to _____________ me, and I’m _________________ by Wagner’s presentation on LU television so far. And what can I say about Joey Ryan? He’s a creepy guy in real life and brings that to his character, a dirty cop who looks like he smells like ____________ ____________. _____________ wins; let’s just move on to a match or segment that I don’t find to be so ____________.

 

• Feel free to tell me what you ended up with after you filled it in!

 

• (By the way, just in case you wanted me to confirm the winner of the previous match, it was Cage, who stole the match by dispatching of Texano after Texano hit Ryan with a sitout powerbomb and stealing the pinfall on Ryan.)

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto butters up Sexy Star, once again identifying with her because of her troubled background and claiming that the whole Worldwide Underground stole her title. Dario books her against P.J. Black, the one member of the Worldwide that she hasn’t fought. He says that if she beats that “gringo,” she can have a shot at Johnny Mundo’s LU Championship in a cage to keep Mundo’s buddies from interfering. Of course, this is Dario Cueto we’re talking about, so he appends his offer with an either/or: Either Star wins and gets the title shot in the cage or she loses and never gets a shot at the Lucha Underground Championship again. Star quite calmly accepts the deal, but she warns Dario that even though, like her, he survived a troubled past, if he keeps fucking with his employees like this with all the bullshit deals and trickeration and general fuckery, he might struggle to survive a troubled future. Well, Star came off as Queen of the Stoic Badasses in that segment. Someone have her teach Angelico how to sell a threat.

 

• Seedy LAPD office interstitial: Officer Cortez Castro Reyes reports back to Captain Vasquez for the first time in weeks to let her know that Dario is aware that he’s a cop. Vasquez doesn’t seem to trust Officer Ryan – good instincts! – but she trusts Reyes. Reyes wonders how he can go back to the Temple now that he’s been exposed, and Vasquez is like, C’mon, stupid, this is lucha libre. Just wear a mask. She’s much nicer about it than the manner in which I paraphrased it, though.

 

• Sexy Star enters the ring to take on P.J. Black. Dario passes on the match stips to Striker so that he can hype them over at the desk. Star wisely tries a flash pinfall to get out of dodge with a victory quickly; she gets two, gets reversed, and kicks out at two. Star gets back to her feet and eventually wins a headscissors, but she runs right into a knee to the gut. Black works her wrist and does an overelaborate arm drag in the lucha style. He celebrates; Star dropkicks him while Striker suggests that Black is making a mistake by not taking her seriously, which is pretty much par for the course whenever heels wrestle Star.

 

• Black isn’t as good as Mundo, so he’s not going to get a match as good out of Star as Mundo would. He does land a nice facebuster out of a crucifix bomb position, but this is acceptable if a bit drowsy televised wrestling for the most part. I should be more into that previous move and also Black’s pendulum backbreaker (complete with swinging Star’s face into the buckles). Black kills a Star choke attempt with a vertical suplex and casually continues his assault, landing an Asai moonsault. Black’s heeling, wandering around celebrating and blowing kisses at Melissa Santos, and it’s textbook solid heeling. He’s been perfectly fine in this match.

 

• Star makes a comeback and tries a top-rope rana, but Black rolls through it and steps into Styles Clash position, then lands it for 2.8. He tries another Asai moonsault, but Star moves, then rushes Black and throws a series of kicks at him. She lands a DDT, but that only earns her a two count. Jack Evans decides that now is the time to save the dayfor his buddy P.J.; he tosses a bat in the ring, and the ref takes it and walks across the ring to remove it. That allows Evans to grab Star behind the ref's back, but Star dodges when Black tries to kick her. Evans takes the blow and  topples from the apron; Star quickly rolls up Black from behind and gets a quick three count. This was watchable, as I earlier wrote, but there was no drama in it and I never felt that Star was in danger, even at the near fall on the Styles Clash.

 

• Seedy snake sanctuary interstitial: The Queen of the Snakes, Kobra Moon, sits in a golden cobra-shaped throne and monologues us through the story of the Snake Tribe and its three generals, one of whom deserted the Tribe and caused them to fall to defeat. The other two generals, Pindar and someone else whose name I didn’t quite catch, were mentioned. I suppose that maybe they’re still here and bowing in front of their queen. It’s two guys in snake masks, at least. I would assume, though Kobra didn’t clarify in her speech as far as I could tell, that these are the other two Snake Tribe generals. Kobra demands that they find and bring to her the third general: “the man who was once a dragon.” That’s Drago, of course. Thunder Rosa hammed it way the hell up in this segment, by the way. She was so over the top in her delivery that it cracked me up. Some people might think it was a bit much, but I loved her performance. She slithers around like a snake! It’s fine for her to suck up all the air in the room in this type of interstitial!

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto tries to convince his lil’ bro Matanza to enter this Battle of the Bulls tournament and get the LU Championship back, but Matanza is monomaniacally focused on punching a hole through Rey Misterio Jr.’s head. Dario tries to bargain with him, offering Misterio up as soon as Misterio comes back from the injuries that Matanza inflicted upon him at Aztec Warfare III. Dario also throws in another sweetener: Matanza can beat up Misterio’s buddy and mentee El Dragon Azteca Jr. in tonight's second Battle of the Bulls tournament bout. Dario points out that Azteca Jr. got sidetracked by a quest of vengeance against Penta and ended up taking a lot of damage and losing his focus; he suggests that Matanza should avoid such a mistake. Matanza gently caresses Dario’s face in a touching show of brotherly love. Then, he grabs Dario's skull and yanks big bro face-first into the bars, knocking him out in a violent show of fuck-you-osity. Dario hits the ground; so does the giant key that opens Matanza’s cell. It’s close enough that Matanza can reach out for it, and though we don’t see him grab it befoer the interstitial ends, reader, it’s in his range. He’d better hope that Dario is carrying the giant key that unlocks his cell and not the giant key that unlocks Norman the Lunatic’s cell, or he’s going to be doubly frustrated when he finds that it doesn’t open his cell door.

 

• Marty “the Moth” Martinez heavily breathes right into Melissa Santos’s neck while she introduces him; she gets done with the intro and then checks her neck and arm for weird smells and/or Moth-related spittle. This is another Fatal Fourway Match in this Battle of the Bulls tournament; it also includes El Dragon Azteca Jr., and we get useful information from Striker: Azteca Jr. (and Azteca Sr.) are from the Eagle Tribe. OK, so we have the Rabbit Tribe, the Snake Tribe, and the Eagle Tribe. I look forward to hopefully finding out which specific animals make up the other four tribes. Why a dragon is in the Eagle Tribe, but a different dragon is in the Snake Tribe (slave or not), I don’t know, but I’m sure there’s an explanation. The other two competitors in the match are Willie Mack and Mil Muertes (w/Catrina).

 

• This match is at least going to be short. I wish it were just Mil/Mack, which would be a fun match, but we’re getting this okay-ish big moves exhibition where each guy hits each other guy with a big move one by one. I’m going to need Lucha Underground to start another build to a big match that delivers in the ring soon. They had Grave Consequences and Aztec Warfare this season, but I’m already looking for the next one.

 

• I am glad that we got at least one singles match, but two Fatal Fourways is overkill for a one-hour wrestling show. I think I’d be more okay with these matches if there was one a show and if they were elimination-style rather than one-fall. Elimination-style has more constant tension and the thrill of watching your rooting interest survive eliminations and creep closer to victory (or biff it entirely and go out early). It would also help if both matches weren’t just dudes doing big impact moves and multi-man dives. This match is pretty much exactly like the other one of its kind on this show; just go read back that Mad Lib that you filled out if you want to know how the ebb and flow of this match went.

 

• I’m looking for Matanza to get out here and cause a mess already. The other three men hit big moves on Mil to stop his rampage, but then they turn on one another, and Azteca is the last guy left standing. Mack and the Moth are on the floor as Azteca advances on Mil, but Azteca gets hit with a loose belly to belly. Mil tries to follow up, but Azteca escapes, manages a headscissors, and then successfully scores a 450 Splash on Mil. He doesn’t cover, though; he calls for another big move, which the commentators point out is a mistake. I’ll sure say it is! He takes his time going back up, and that allows Matanza to rush the ring, grab him from the top rope, powerbomb him onto Mil, and stomp him out. Azteca tries a pop-up DDT on a rope run, but Matanza kills it in mid-air and turns it into a Wrath of the Gods. Dario has woken up by now, and he walks out, holding a blood-soaked towel to his forehead with one hand, and raises the key in his other hand, calling Matanza back to him.

 

• Matanza lumbers off; the Moth sneaks in and tries to steal a pin on Azteca, but Mack stops him with a boot, then tries a Mack Stunner. The Moth pushes him away and then tries a move out of the fireman’s carry; he is unsuccessful. Mack slithers off the Moth’s shoulders and shoves Marty into the corner, then catches him with a Mack Stunner on the rebound and manages a three count to win the match.

 

• This was not a good night for wrestling, and I feel that we’re in the kind of lull for wrestling that was common back in the early and middle parts of season one. The narrative throughlines are richer this season than they were then, but they’re getting doled out a bit slowly for me. I am dying to know more about how Catrina and Vasquez each got their half of the amulet, for example, or to get Aerostar more integrated into the wider overarching plot to reunite the seven Aztec tribes. Alas, we’re going at a deliberate pace with all these storylines. Therefore, to compensate for the slower storyline advancement, this show needs to, if not nail the wrestling each week, at least ensure that we get one solid banger of a match each week. 2.75 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited September 24 by SirSmUgly

[Ramo2653]

If I'm remembering correctly the Stardom gals were doing a tour in Mexico and ended up doing the LU taping. Cagematch doesn't vibe with that though since there's the LU match taping, then a tag match in Vegas the next day which puts Io(aka Hitokiri) and Mayu (aka Yurei) against Kairi (Doku) and Cheerleader Melissa. The week after they're back in Japan. So maybe a few shows in the 6 days in between? Or maybe the week before?

The other guy in the Snake Tribe is Vibora aka Luchasarus. 

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 15: “En La Sombra” or Speaking of shadows, this show is like if Johnny Cage ostentatiously slapped his thigh on every Shadow Kick

• While I am excited abou autumn (my favorite season), I do miss the summer and all the time I had to watch and write about a crap-ton of pro wrestling.

 

• Recap: Angelico tries to get back at Johnny Mundo by advancing through the ongoing Battle of the Bulls tournament and earning a shot at his title; Matanza Cueto only has eyes for destroying Rey Misterio Jr.; Kobra Moon is going all Westside Connection on Drago and demanding that he bow down when she comes to his town; Sexy Star has done what Angelico wishes to do and earned a shot to (re-)gain the Lucha Underground Championship from Johnny Mundo.

 

• Actually, Vampiro lets us know that Sexy Star will get that shot against Mundo next week and reiterates that it’ll be in a steel cage. Then, we get another fucking Fatal Fourway match in this uttterly shitty Battle of the Bulls tournament. This one includes Killshot, Dante Fox, Mariposa Martinez, and Jeremiah Crane. Oh boy. Everyone slaps their thighs while landing kicks. As for Crane, on a thigh-slap scale where “least obvious” is Prince Puma, “most obvious” is Fenix, and dead in the middle is Alberto El Patrón, these thigh slaps score a…Patrón, but edging toward Fenix.

 

• One of the best parts of this match is Mariposa winning Pounce-style shoulderblocks on Fox and Crane. Most of the rest of this is a stinkbomb, all thigh-slappy kicks and dive upon dive upon dive. Fox, while a great athlete, is a terrible fucking pro wrestler. Not to hate too much on a guy who recently had to retire because of all the injuries he took, but I’ve never been a Callihan/Crane guy, either. Cheerleader Melissa/Mariposa is the only worker who I even remotely enjoy in this match.

 

• One thing I’ll note is that the crowd is a bit subdued for this match. It’s not because, like me, they think that it's a stinker. It’s because other than Killshot, no one in this match is really over with them yet. Crane gets a bunch of chairs and puts together a postmodern art project in the ring, but the viewing is disrupted by everyone deciding to do a stupid tower suplex/powerbomb spot onto the chairs. The crowd is now into this thing, of course.

 

• After what feels like an endless array of kicks, leaps, kicks, leaps, kicks, leaps, kicks, leaps, a trash spot, kicks, leaps, kicks, leaps, kicks, leaps, leaps, and kicks, but which is only really about ten minutes of bad wrestling that merely feels like a hundred, Crane wraps a Stretch Muffler on first Killshot, then Mariposa. Mariposa almost wins a flash pinfall when she reverses it, and then they all do some more spots until Mariposa opens a chair and hits Killshot with a Butterfly Effect onto the seat. OK, that was a cool spot. It’s too bad that Fox made the save on her cover since I would really prefer that she won this. Alas, Crane hits a double-underhook brainbuster on Fox that Striker helpfully lets us know is called Cranial Contusion and gets a three count. Push Mariposa!

 

• Killshot angrily slaps his thigh in full view of the camera while hitting a stomp on Fox after the match; he then goes to the top and comes down with a double stomp into Fox’s gut. Striker says that their feud is clearly not over. FUCK.

 

• Seedy backstage documentary shoot: Taya directs Jack Evans and P.J. Black, who are exhibiting some real Young Bucks energy. Black looks kinda like one of them, actually. These idiots play air guitar. Taya says that she’ll decide whether to add guitar effects in post-production because she’s in charge here. OK, enough comedy. Let’s get to Johnny Mundo. Ah, here he is, bitching out all three of the other Worldwide Underground members for failing to follow his lead in picking up a victory over Sexy Star in the ring. He threatens Black and Evans with expulsion from Worldwide Underground, is told by Taya to play to the camera, does so in an absurd voice, and then seriously asks them for their sweet bandanas back if one of them doesn't manage a win tonight.

 

• Seedy gym interstitial: Sexy Star works out in the ring. She sips a drink. She walks to the locker room. She sips a drink. She opens her locker. She sips a drink. She puts her drink down. She screams! There was a tarantula there. She closes the door. End interstitial. Um…what?

 

• Kobra Moon being super-hammy cracks me up. She wraps herself around the top rope and writhes like a lunatic. Her opponent is Drago. I’m just out on the number of kicks. So many kicks. Kick, thigh slap that isn’t hidden by the camera. Kick, thigh slap that isn’t hidden by the camera. Drago beats the hell out of Kobra at a deliberate pace. He lands a Dominator, which is cool, though Kobra took the bump on her hip and not her front. Of course, as I expected, the match ends when Pindar runs in and attacks Drago. Aerostar and Fenix try to make the save, but then Vibora runs in and destroys them both. The crowd, recognizing Luchasaurus, chants LUCH-A-SAUR-US. Striker tries to save it by claiming that the audience is mocking Vibora. I mean, nice try, but it’s clear that they recognize him and are very excited about seeing him in the Temple. Kobra exhorts Vibora to finish Drago, and Vibora does so by drilling Drago with a jumping Tombstone. Kobra singsongs Drago, er es miiiiiiiiio and has her generals kidnap the poor bastard.

 

• Oh, yeah, as far as Vibora: on a thigh-slap scale where “least obvious” is Prince Puma, “most obvious” is Fenix, and dead in the middle is Alberto El Patrón, these thigh slaps score a…Fenix, and yes, I am and always have been low on Luchasaurus. There are basically four acts that turned me off of AEW back when Dynamite debuted that, while not completely responsible for me tapping out after three months of consistent viewership, were heavily responsible for it: Jon Moxley, Chris Jericho and his crew of channel-changers (e.g. Sammy Guevara, unfortunate future LU Champ Jake Hager/Jake Strong), the Young Bucks, and the Jurassic Express. I’ve expressed my love for Thunder Rosa before, but man, I wish she were at her NWA Powerrrrrr-era Thunder Rosa level of skill and not this LU-era Kobra Moon level of skill so she could carry the wrestling for her crew on this show.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Mariposa Martinez crosses paths with Sexy Star. Star is huffing with anger, and I think that she thinks that Mariposa put that spider in her locker. Star decides to pass Mari without incident, but Mari basically makes the mistake of being schoolgirl-level annoying; she pulls a strand of Star’s hair. This is a mistake! Star immediately turns around, wins a short handfight, and goozles Mari up against the wall while yelling about all of Mari’s past transgressions against her, what with the kidnapping and the torture and all. Star wants to know why, after they settled their feud in a No Mas Match, Mari is still harassing her and sticking spiders in her locker. Mari is like, IDK WTF you’re talking about, stupid, and also, my calling card is butterflies, not spiders. Star thinks about it for a second and relents, apologizing profusely for being so accusatory toward Mari. And by “relents, apologizing profusely for being so accusatory toward Mari,” what I actually mean is “throws a punch that busts a huge hole in the wall when Mari barely ducks out of the way.” Look, Mariposa is a scumbag, but she’s probably telling the truth. Tarantulas are more Victoria’s calling card, y’know?

 

• Oh, boy, another Battle of the Bulls Fatal Fourway tournament match! When I tell you that this match includes Jack Evans, P.J. Black, Son of Havoc, and Angelico, I think you won’t need any Mad Libs to guess how I feel about this whole ordeal. I feel like the recap at the beginning of the show promised me some Rey Misterio Jr. Where is Rey Misterio Jr., dammit?!

 

• Everybody runs around like headless chickens and performs endless flips and leaps while the crowd chants THIS IS LUCHA. No, actually, this is my idea of pro wrestling hell. I just can’t spend that many words on another bad Fatal Fourway Match, the fourth in two episodes of television in fact. I was going to knock out another episode tonight, but this show has been so devoid of fun or joy for me that I think I’m going to go brush my teeth and hop in bed, then read some more of Secret Lives of Great Composers, which is a cool book. I would also suggest to anyone who thinks that book sounds interesting the sister book Secret Lives of Great Authors. I probably need to see if any more books in this series have come out. I would love to read Great Scientists or Great Visual Artists. Alas, a look at the publisher's site shows that they have Great Filmmakers (sure) and then books on the secret lives of U.S. Presidents, First Ladies, and SCOTUS justices. No politics! 

 

• We get a glimmer of a tag match in there as the members in the Worldwide Underground team up against the former Dysfunction Junction members. It’s not particularly good, but at least Black and Evans’s heeling is alright. Vampiro correctly identifies the heels doing the Kid ‘n Play, which I appreciate. I think Havoc’s rebound cutter is one of the dumber-looking moves I’ve seen in a minute. On the other hand, Evans and Black try a Doomsday Device that looks like it should have hurt Havoc, who gets flipped and dumped, but is sold as if Evans badly misfired and took out Black. I liked the idea of the Doomsday Device anyway. Little yappy guys doing a move perfected by big meaty men who like to bump meat is pretty funny.

 

• After everyone lands on top of everyone else, we end up with the heels tossing the babyfaces to the floor. Black quickly lays down and signals Evans to pin him so that they can save their spots in the Worldwide Underground, but of course, he sneakily small packages Evans for three when Evans laterally presses him. OK, that was pretty funny. Black wins and ends Angelico’s revenge tour on the Worldwide Underground almost as quickly as it began. Then again, maybe not if Angelico can find a way to interfere in that cage match between Mundo and Star.

 

• Not-so-seedy dojo interstitial: El Dragon Azteca Jr. wakes a still-injured Rey Misterio Jr. up and reports that Matanza Cueto attacked him. Rey is rueful that Azteca Jr. got hurt, but Azteca says that he finally understands that he should be focused on his destiny and not on stupid side feuds with Penta or Lotus because getting hit by the Wrath of the Gods made him realize that, whoa, this dude Matanza might just be a vessel for an Aztec god! Rey tries to convince Azteca that Matanza is too strong for him to defeat right now, but Azteca says that he’s got a destiny to fulfill, and he’s going to end Matanza’s life no matter what. Rey is once again rueful as he watches Azteca march off to get killed, probably.

 

• This show was complete doo doo. 0.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[zendragon]

Small correction this episode is where Luchasaurus got his name, he wasn't using it previously.

[tbarrie]

13 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

I am and always have been low on Luchasaurus.

Then you, sir, are my nemesis.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 16: “The Battle of the Bulls” or The only show with less convincing Believers than Sister Miriam's

• Recap: This pitiful Battle of the Bulls tournament finally comes to an end with one more (probably) shit-ass Fatal Fourway bout. Kobra Moon and her war generals are some true weirdos. Johnny Mundo and Sexy Star hook it up one more time for the Lucha Underground Championship, this time in a cage.

 

• After Matt Striker and Vampiro hype the show, we kick it over to Melissa Santos to introduce the finalists in the Fatal Fourway Battle of the Bulls tourney. As a quick reminder, the winner gets a shot at the Lucha Underground Champion, whomever they may be at the end of the night. The winners of the semifinal Fatal Fourway matches make it to the ring: Willie Mack, P.J. Black, Jeremiah Crane, and Brian Cage. Striker and Vampiro have a funny exchange after Striker mentions that his grandmother has a crush on Vamp. Vamp wants to know how old she is, and when Striker tells him that she’s 98, Vamp only briefly pauses before asking if she has a curfew. Striker’s response: “No, but she has prescription pills.” It’s the promise of a late night with someone else’s drugs that convinces Vampiro to ask her out. I got a good laugh out of that little comedy routine.

 

• This match, thankfully, is an elimination match. OK, that automatically makes it the best match in this whole tournament, and I haven’t even seen it yet. Cage wonders WHO BETTA THAN CAGE? and the crowd actually is like, Nobody, TBH. Everyone else in the ring sort of agrees considering how they swarm and neutralize Cage after he starts the match tossing dudes around. Mack then tripsan onrushing Crane headfirst into Black’s balls and then hits a standing moonsault on both of them in a comedy spot that isn’t as good as the one in which Vampiro considered whether or not he should ask Striker’s near-hundred-year-old grandma on a date.

 

• Crane legit trips while trying to land a suicide dive and does something I’d classify as a suicide stumble onto Black at ringside, which sets off a series of one-by-one dives. Oh gee, I never would have guessed that everyone would dive onto everyone else one-by-one in this match. I’ve never seen that sort of thing before. Certainly not in the last two weeks of Fatal Fourway bouts on this show!

 

• I think that in the second season, Cage was turning into a good worker. That match he had against Matanza Cueto in particular (Season Two, Show Nineteen) felt like a real revelation for him as a worker who could put together an interesting and logical match that built to a climax while at the same time Getting His Shit In, but since then, he’s been incentivized to wrestle like a video game character by being put into matches that encourage it. Anyway, Cage is first to be eliminated when Texano runs up and punches him in the face with a bullwhip-wrapped fist; the other men in the match all hit moves on a dazed Cage, with Black finishing Cage off by dropping a springboard 450 that gains a three count. Texano backs away from the ring, and the grin on his face indicates that he is pleased with the results of his handiwork!

 

• Now that Cage is gone, I’m wondering if Mack is going to win this match and Star is going to become the first two-time Lucha Underground Champion in the company’s short history. If so, I am going to be bummed about Mack jobbing to Star. Right now, though, Crane looks to finish Mack with a sunset flip powerbomb; Mack blocks it, but Crane slips away and kicks Mack in the back of the leg, knocking Mack to the mat. Crane next tries a sitout powerbomb and then transitions into a Stretch Muffler when Mack kicks out, but Black breaks that up by trying to steal a quick rollup on Black.

 

• Mack rolls away while Black and Crane trade moves; Crane scores a Cranial Contusion on Black, but Black rolls toward the apron and doesn’t get covered. I think former WCW World Champion David Arquette is in the crowd at this show. Vampiro recalls Misawa destroying Kawada with a number of double-underhook brainbusters while he toured with All Japan back in the ‘90s. Mack lands a leaping super Mack Cutter on Crane from the second rope and earns a pinfall out of almost nothing to eliminate Crane. He then keeps rolling on offense and, after a short exchange, beats Black with a Mack Cutter in the center of the ring practically right after he eliminated Crane. That was abrupt and clearly edited for time constraints, but this was still easily the most watchable match in this wretched tournament that I sure hope they don’t bring back for the fourth and final season of this show.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Rey Fenix and Aerostar search the soiled shitters in the locker room for something or someone. Apparently, they’re looking for Drago. Why would they think he’s in the shitter? And why would they sneak up on each door and then open it as though they are trying to surprise whoever might be occupying the stall? Why wouldn’t they just yell HEY DRAGO, ARE YOU TAKING A SHIT IN HERE? WE WERE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AFTER KOBRA MOON AND HER GOONS ABDUCTED YOU LAST WEEK! and then wait to hear if Drago responds YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED AS SOON AS I'M DONE TAKING THIS SHIT, JUST LEMME WIPE AND WASH MY HANDS?

 

• You know what, I don’t have time to consider any of this. Suffice it to say that Kobra Moon walks in and is like, You idiots, Drago isn’t taking a shit. Well, at least not in this restroom because he has come back to the Snake Tribe, which is where he will be taking all of his shits for the foreseeable future! Aerostar is like, Nuh uh, Drago made a vow a thousand years ago that he would never return to the Snake Tribe, and he’s my friend, and I believe him when he says that he would spare no turds for you and your people! But then Kobra is like, Yo, he’s taking a dump right now in the toilets within the slave quarters of my royal Snake Tribe palace, so what do you think about that? Also, here’s Pindar and not-Luchasaurus, don’t even think about calling him that name because his true name is Vibora and he's been my general for a thousand years and you’d never catch him hanging around Luke Perry’s weirdo shrimpy kid or the other short guy who looks kind of like either Joe or Mac from the game Joe & Mac, you know the lil' guy I'm taking about. Then Pindar and Vibora walk up and glare menacingly at Fenix and Aerostar before attacking them. They all proceed to have a mediocre choreographed fight with maybe a few too many cuts during the action; it’s three-on-two to the bad guys, who eventually lay out our brave babyfaces. Kobra claims that the next time, she’s sending their buddy – and current Trios Tag Team partner – Drago to finish them off. 

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Is it all that seedy when two good friends have a big hug? Star celebrates Mack’s victory and talks about how she knew he could do it, and Mack is like, You’re going to accomplish your big goal next up, sis, and they do a special handshake because they are FRIENDS, and this is the best. I do note that as they leave the locker room, we see another tarantula crawling toward Star’s locker…

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Jeremiah Crane is holding his neck in pain as he asks Dario Cueto for a match. Crane seems heated as he demands whatever match he’s asked for, but we cut in after Crane told Dario exactly who he wants to wrestle, so we don’t yet know who, it is that Crane plans to chalence. Then, Crane randomly gets up on a chair, takes out a panel of the ceiling, and to Dario’s shock, retrieves a Ouija board that he claims to have hidden there when he was a child. Dario looks about as astonished as I’ve ever seen him. Crane leaves, but he is soon confronted in the hallway by Catrina, who blit-blurts in and asks Crane if he’s still playing kiddie games like some sort of immature kid. Crane says that she shouldn’t be smirking because first of all, they used to play with this Ouija board together when they were young, which means that Crane must be about a couple-hundred years old since we know that Catrina is almost that old. Anyway, second of all, the jealous Crane informs Catrina that he asked Dario for a match against Mil Muertes, and he plans to hurt Mil so badly that Mil will wish that he died in the big Mexico City earthquake of ’85. He then marches right through Catrina’s astral projection, looking pretty determined. Catrina’s form flickers a bit as she ponders this latest challenge that Mil must meet.

 

• Wow, three seedy backstage interstitials in a row. This is the first show I can remember with two matches and multiple interstitials being packed into the middle of them. This probably isn’t the most effective show for the layout; I think these shows work best when distinct interstitials are split up by other things. Actually, this show should bring back Adventures in Interviewing with Vampiro to buttress the typical seedy backstage interstitials and add a bit more variety in between-match segments.

 

• Alright, let’s do this main event Lucha Underground Championship Match between challenger Sexy Star and champion Johnny Mundo. I think that I fell off my original watch after Mundo won the title because I don’t remember what happened to the title after Mundo won it. Mundo is probably one of Star’s better opponents, so this should be decent. Also an interesting fact: There have been three cage matches so far in LU’s history, and Mundo has been in all three of them, earning one victory (vs. the much-missed King Cuerno) and one defeat (vs. Brian Cage) so far. That match against Cage was very good, too.

 

• There’s a bit of opening fisticuffs and a posedown before Mundo does some slow grinding of Star’s face against the fence. Mundo also tried a quick escape before the face-grinding, which I disapprove of because I don’t think any company other than WWE should be doing escape rules. There’s a weird spot where they chase one another sideways across the cage while Striker tries to fit in a few Spider-Man references. On the other hand, Vampiro points out that Mundo seems not to be taking Star very seriously, which is a nice recurring character beat that Vamp once again establishes

 

• Unfortunately, and contrary to my initial hopes, I don’t think that this match is decent. The match is generally built around a bunch of near-escape spots. Since I am not a huge fan of near-escape spots in a cage, I’m not into it. Mundo finally hits a backbreaker and lands a knee for a two count while a portion of the crowd screeches out a competing LET’S GO SEXY/SEXY SUCKS chant for a couple of minutes. About a minute after this, a SEXY STAR chant starts and Striker says, paraphrasing, Everyone in the Temple is united behind Sexy Star! That’s some WWE-style, Baghdad Bob-type commentary right there, Striker.

 

• One thing that’s good about this cage match is that it isn’t all that long. It’s maybe twelve or thirteen minutes. It simply isn’t a good match, but at least it moves the proceedings along. Star eschews climbing to the floor to hit a crossbody from the top of the cage for only two. Star tries to go over the top of the fence again as the crowd attempts to start an unconvincing THIS IS AWESOME chant. Reader, this is not awesome.

 

• Sexy and Mundo are standing on the top rope; Star lands a few kicks and chops, so Mundo reaches over and unclasps her mask, then tosses it to the mat. Star covers her face and scrambles after it while Mundo casually climbs over the cage and drops to the floor. I get it. He’s a heel doing despicable heel shit. In a vacuum, the finish is clever. In the context of a mediocre match, it felt a bit underwhelming. In the context of Sexy Star being built up to become the champion and then immediately losing it to Mundo, then failing to regain it in a rematch, the whole thing comes off like the wettest of farts. I don’t even like Star that much, but if you’re building her to be the champion over two full seasons, you gotta let her run with it for at least a handful of weeks.

 

• Willie Mack comes out and hits Mundo with a Mack Stunner as Mundo celebrates at the top of the stairs; Mack holds up the gold, but I have no faith that he’ll win it, though it would be a cool thing if it happened.

 

• Seedy dark palace interstitial: Kobra Moon asks the chained Drago if he’s ready to bow to her yet. He refuses, so Kobra says that she’s going to starve him out until he agrees to follow her. She walks away, laughing at her own cruelty. Drago angrily breathes some poorly CGI’d fire. End show.

 

• OK, I get why I stopped watching at this point back when I first went through these episodes. LU has been an absolute mess in the ring for weeks now, and there simply isn’t enough movement on the most interesting storylines. I’m glad they’ve given Kobra Moon something to do, but this whole Snake Tribe storyline isn’t the most gripping thing they could be focusing on for multiple segments in a show. This is where the show only being an hour hurts it. There are so many out-of-focus storylines and wrestlers that need a little more attending to. Another of my bigger issues is that I’m just not into the title picture revolving around Mundo as heel champ running with the Worldwide Underground as back up. This has been a rough run for the show, IMO. 1.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 17: “The Gauntlet” or DarioWare: Mega MicroMatches!

• Please be good, Lucha Underground.

 

• Recap: Angelico lost his chance to get revenge on Johnny Mundo in a title match, but this recap sure seems to indicate that he’s still hoping to revenge himself upon Mundo somehow. Also still happening in the Temple: Brian Cage leads his best-of-five series with Texano by two victories to one, and Jeremiah Crane is already trying to cheat on Ivelisse with Catrina by getting Mil Muertes out of the picture, and I th\ink we should pause here to acknowledge that Crane is a piece of shit. Oh, speaking of Mil, Vampiro has revived Prince Puma, and Puma would like to be the Angelico to Mil’s Mundo because of what Mil did to Konnan a couple of seasons ago; namely, Mil added the sometimes annoying, sometimes delightful former Wolfpac member to the Permadeath Count. In other words, some people want revenge and other people want to take down Mil Muertes and still others want both of those things at the same time.

 

• Seedy dojo interstitial: Evil bishop Vampiro has revived Puma and prepares to take him upon a journey into darkness. Puma does his standard backflip taunt and pledges himself to Vampiro. Great, Dark Master Vampiro is back in business. This couldn’t possibly go completely haywire.

 

• Speaking of Vampiro, he sits at the desk and asks like he’s a normal dude whose prescribed medications are effective at their current dosage. He and Striker let us know that match number four in Texano/Cage will happen later tonight.

 

• Jeremiah Crane opens the show in a match against Mil Muertes (w/Catrina), and I suspect that Mil’s got one too many enemies who are actively looking to take him out walking around the Temple right now. Mil doesn’t even notice Crane and Catrina shooting each other smoldering looks like they’re Cathy and Heathcliff. Thankfully, Mil does notice Crane running at him and lands a spear. I am so pleased that we’ve got a power wrestler in the ring using power to kill all that runn-y, leap-y bullshit that ninety percent of the wrestlers in the Temple love doing.

 

• Mil scores a ton of lariats, but he takes too long to land a corner charge; Crane moves, but immediately runs at Mil and gets hit with a floatover powerslam. Striker notices that Vampiro is awfully quiet for some reason. Vampiro mutters that he’s just observing this bout, nothing strange about how he's acting. Of course, there’s something strange about it. Mil and Catrina think they have things under control. Catrina marks Crane with her spittle (yuck), then orders Mil to drill him with a Flatliner. Mil never does land that Flatliner though, as Puma runs in, hits Mil with a kendo stick, and stuns Mil for long enough that Crane can land a quick jumping front kick and steal a three count. Well, he didn’t do much to make Mil wish that he’d died in the Mexico City quake, but Puma is doing his level best to fulfill Crane’s boast from last week. Puma beats Mil down, fakes a dive, backflips, and instead of kneeling on the LU logo as usual, instead kneels toward Vampiro. Vampiro grins. Striker attempts to process what the actual fuck is happening right now. I know, bud. I also didn’t expect this unholy marriage of unfortunate souls to occur.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Ricky Mandel gives Sexy Star some love for being the first woman to hold the Lucha Underground Championship. Then, he says that she shouldn’t feel bad about losing to Mundo pretty much every time she faced him considering how much better he is at wrestling than everyone else. Star hits a facial expression just like Tobias Fünke’s when Tobias asks Carl Weathers for a refund on the acting courses that he purchased from the star of Happy Gilmore. Before she can blow Mandel off as politely as she can possibly manage, he presents a gift that someone left for Star at catering and gives it to her. There is no name on the package, but inside the package, as you might guess, is a tarantula. Star is less than pleased, to say the least. Also, Ricky Mandel is working a Johnny Mundo fanboy gimmick, so yeah...that’s what he’s up to.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Famous B. and Brenda pitch Texano on B.’s representation by suggesting that Texano’s in-ring is great, but his persona stinks, which is why Cage is more popular than he is with the crowd. B. suggests that he and Brenda can fix that little “image problem” and help him beat Cage tonight. Texano initially refuses, but once they leave, the former (and maybe once again?) heel seems to silently reconsider their pitch.

 

• Vampiro looks like he’s coming down from a drug-induced high, but rather, his high is caused by luring in Puma and getting the surprisingly (and disappointingly) weak-willed former Konnan follower to become his follower instead. I’m sure Konnan is rolling over in whatever grave that the Disciples of Death dumped him into. Vamp orders Striker not to ask any questions about his relationship with Puma, and Striker obliges. For now, at least.

 

• Jack Evans and P.J. Black enter the ring to tag up against. They do a dumb taunt; Evans claims that he carries a great burden by being such a stellar talent. Black circles Melissa Santos and checks her out. So, yeah, total scumbag shit. Their opponents are Angelico and Son of Havoc. There’s a nice opening segment where Angelico cartwheels to reverse leverage on an arm wringer, and when Evans tries the same, Angelico rolls through and maintains the arm wringer. They then have a sloppy exchange leading to a stand-off, but look, they were doing good stuff there for a second.

 

• Evans offers a handshake, and Angelico knows a double-cross is coming. He traps Evans’s arm as Evans throws a right. Evans begs off (I’M SORRY, I’M SO SORRY), but Angelico tags Havoc in; Evans manages to roll away and tag in Black, who takes control by yanking Havos’ beard when Havoc tries to shoot him into the ropes. Here occurs a very short heel control segment that Havoc ends when Evans tags back in, tosses Havoc into the ropes, and is hit with a rebound back elbow. We get a totally unearned hot tag that allows Angelico to run wild, win a strike-fest with Black, and earn a two count off a kick to Black’s dome.

 

• Havoc and Angelico continue to roll, having honed their team-up skills over the past couple of seasons. Black does manage to land a springboard SSP on Angelico, and Angelico sells an elbow injury off the impact. He rolls out of the ring looking like he’s genuinely in pain. Meanwhile, Havoc and Black mistime a headscissors, and that’s the last offensive move that Havoc manages in the bout as Evans helps Black regain control and quickly finishes off Havoc with a 450 that earns a pinfall. What a strange match with a sudden ending. Did Angelico get legit hurt again? Striker’s commentary about his elbow injury seemed clearly dubbed in during post-production. Holy shit, a quick search shows that it was indeed a legitimate elbow dislocation, which is incredibly bad luck for Angelico and probably ends his run as a useful piece in Lucha Underground. There simply are too many wrestlers on this show who demand TV time and who are better talkers and workers than he is. This isn’t the season one roster anymore.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto is peering into the box that holds some sort of amazing, god-like Aztec power. It shines its blue light upon his visage as he peers into it, a wondrous look plastered onto his face. His reverie is interrupted when Sexy Star bursts into his office without knocking and demands a match against Mariposa Martinez, who she still thinks is the one sending her those tarantulas. Dario is thrilled by the prospect of extreme violence and gladly gives her the match for next week’s show, then goes back to staring into the box as soon as Star is gone.

 

• We’re already getting Brian Cage versus Texano, and the previous two matches were very short. I wonder exactly how they’re going to fill the extra five or six minutes that I think the tag match was supposed to have, and I pray that it won’t be with five or more six minutes of Cage vs. Texano.

 

• The matches in this series have suffered from mindless moves at an endless pace and no time for selling damage, and this is no different. If I can say something nice, at least Texano comes out on fire because he has something to prove to himself. Eventually, Cage catches him in an Exploder Suplex, but yeah, they wrestle this match must like they wrestled the first three. Texano does try a quickie roll-up again since it won him the third match, which is a nice callback.

 

• Cage blades when the turnbuckle pad pops off upon an earlier impact and Texano hits him with Snake Eyes right onto the exposed buckle. Texano quickly puts the bleeding machine man away with a sitout powerbomb to tie the series at two. Yuck, this best-of-five series makes me pine for the Drago/Aerostar best-of-five from two seasons ago. At least that was decent. And what’s with all the matches having JCP-era World Championship Wrestling jobber match times? They might as well get Magnum T.A. to hobble out here and hit Mascarita Sagrada with a belly-to-belly for the victory in eight seconds while they’re at it.

 

• Dario Cueto is a merciful dude because he steps out of his office and says that he’s going to kill off this fucking series already by having them wrestle the fifth and deciding match right now. He also makes the match no disqualification for the fuck of it. Sure, why not. Texano punches at Cage’s bloody wound, then bites it. There are still seventeen minutes in the recording of this show, *sigh*. I will say that this show is at least terminating two feuds that I don’t care about (Angelico/Mundo, Texano/Cage), though it sucks something fierce that Angelico got legit injured to suddenly end his feud.

 

• Texano mauls Cage for a while, but Cage manages to roll through a powerbomb attempt and then a rollup attempt to land a kick. Cage hits a plancha to the floor, and then they brawl around the ringside area. The crowd chants GET YOUR SHIT IN. Don’t encourage his bad habits, you fools. This Temple crowd is so enabling. Some dude in the crowd is wearing a Joey Ryan KING OF DONG STYLE t-shirt. I would like to ban this crowd from pro wrestling. Just in general. No more pro wrestling for any of you. I am more than glad to negotiate it down to just banning the guy in the KING OF DONG STYLE shirt, though.

 

• These fellas hit each other with stuff and do spots on the hard bleachers that I think would have more impact if I hadn’t seen all this about a million times before in the Temple. We’re about at the point where there simply isn’t much more that the workers can do in an arena brawl to shock or surprise me. They pretty much did it all back by the end of the second season. I’m hoping that pro wrestling has a mainstream minimalist movement soon. I know we had guys like Timothy Thatcher working more minimal styles over the past fifteen-plus years, but they never got over on a big stage. I wouldn’t be surprised if people managed to get minimalist styles over in AEW, though, where the fandom seems open to varying wrestling styles. I find myself drifting back toward watching more ‘70s and early ‘80s All Japan lately, just picking through random singles matches and enjoying the fact that the pacing and lack of big moves means that when a move happens, it ostensibly means more, That’s not always the effect I get – there are some AJPW matches from this era that are simply dull as fuck – but when it works, it works.

 

• They do a bunch of spots that mean nothing to me because I’ve seen them all before. There is a general narrative here of Cage fighting through the blood loss and the no-DQ damage that he has taken, which I appreciate. The way we get there doesn’t do much for me and feels about as dull as a bad Ted DiBiase All Japan match from 1984, but both guys take a shitload more damage than DiBiase did to give me the same effect. Hell, Texano just ate a chair to the forehead. Cage has bled everywhere. Both dudes bumped against the bleachers on a vertical suplex. Honestly, I also watched a bit of ’98 ECW recently, so that probably wasn’t the best chaser to consume before watching a no disqualification LU match.

 

• Both men make it back to the ring and work near falls. Cage eventually eschews a nearfall and gets a final pinfall with a Steiner Screwdriver. I was worried that Texano was kicking out of that for a split second. No one should ever kick out of a Steiner Screwdriver. Cage gets to be a vessel for like six or seven Aztec gods, so good for him! In fact, here is Dario Cueto to tell him that he has won something so powerful that, uh, he’s not going to give it to him out here in front of everyone else. Instead, he invites Cage into his office to receive the prize. Cage enters the office…

 

• …and Striker promotes the Willie Mack/Johnny Mundo title match for next week. End show.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Wait, hold on, here’s Cage asking what he won. Dario gestures to this shitty metal box, which Cage is none too thrilled about winning. Dario takes the lid off the box, but Cage is unexcited by what he sees inside, which is a (not-glowing) gauntlet.A literalgauntlet, not the video game. Cage refuses this monumental gift, claiming that he’s “not that much of a Renaissance Faire guy.” Dario begs this dude to just try the gauntlet on, and when Cage does, thunder crackles and he is imbued with the power of a god or seven. He chokes Dario with his gauntlet hand and then decides to keep the prize after all. Dario grins and coughs, but mostly grins that his plan has succeeded, at least as far as we can tell so far.

 

• This show was a bit better, but not because of the wrestling matches. Look, we aren’t even halfway through this season, and we’ve had the WMD Match, the Believers’ Backlash Match, and all sorts of weapon spots in other big matches, like half the Fatal Fourways in the Battle of the Bulls Tournament and all the weapons and crowd brawling in the Pentagon Gauntlet Match that did not involve the gauntlet that Cage is now wearing, and so on. The point is that this isn’t 1995 anymore and running a billion crowd brawls, wandering ringside brawls, weapon-filled bouts, and so forth is a fucking snoozer. Do something different, or do something interesting with these bouts that we don’t see very often.

 

• Speaking of adding more variety, this show is harmed by not running trios tag matches anymore now that the champs are in a storyline where one of them is missing. They needed to just take the belts off the Super Friends and put them on the Rabbit Tribe so at least there’d be a trios team able to have consistent defenses. I’m beginning to worry that the week-to-week matchmaking and plotting might be headed off the rails for the rest of LU’s run even considering that the long-term storytelling is still (theoretically) interesting. 2 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited October 1 by SirSmUgly

[tbarrie]

9 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Mil doesn’t even notice Crane and Catrina shooting each other smoldering looks like they’re Cathy and Heathcliff.

I know whom you're actually talking about, but I prefer to imagine you're talking about the eponymous stars of the two comic strips. Who knew Cathy was into bestiality?

[SirSmUgly]

1 hour ago, tbarrie said:

I know whom you're actually talking about, but I prefer to imagine you're talking about the eponymous stars of the two comic strips. Who knew Cathy was into bestiality?

"I think that orange cat is really into me. But what if he catches a glimpse of my thighs when I  wear my one-piece bathing suit? He'll never ask me out after that! ACK!"

Edited October 1 by SirSmUgly

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 18: “Evil Rising” or Choices That Matter: And Their Heroes Were Lost

• Recap: Willie Mack earns the title shot that he won by surviving the Battle of the Bulls tournament tonight. The Rabbit Tribe seems to still have their sights set on the trios tag belts and also doing as many drugs as they possibly can. Drago is indisposed as of right now, though, as Kobra is very theatrically trying to starve him. Oh yeah, and Sexy Star still thinks Mariposa Martinez is sticking tarantulas in her belongings even though Mariposa is from the Moth Tribe, is literally named “butterfly,” and also only deals in butterfly-and-moth-based weirdness.

 

• Seedy dark temple interstitial: A baffled Mil Muertes monologues to himself, wondering how Prince Puma could possibly be alive again after Mil stuck him in a coffin to win their Grave Consequences bout. Of course, Catrina has an answer: Vampiro, who according to her “toys with dark magic.” That, he does! Catrina advises Mil to attack Puma via attacking Vampiro, the latter of whom really doesn’t understand how to leave well enough alone, don’t you think? The name “Vampiro” echoes in Mil’s head as Catrina blit-blurts away…

 

• …and blit-blurts right into a seedy backstage interstitial; as soon as she teleports into the Temple’s hallways, Jeremiah Crane immediately sidles up and asks if she saw him defeat the love of her life last week. Alas, Crane hasn’t been watching the same shows that we have and doesn’t realize that Rey Fenix is actually the guy that Catrina loves. Catrina informs Crane that she doesn’t even like Mil like that and that he didn’t even put a glove on the one she really loves last week. She walks off while Crane stands there with a hangdog look on his face. Seriously, I’m half tempted to video capture his face right now at two minutes and twenty-two seconds into this episode and put it in some sort of online dictionary next to the word "hangdog." Does Ivelisse know about any of this? This dude Crane used a relationship with her to weasel his way back into the Temple so that he could try to bang Catrina. Ivelisse can be a domineering and toxic partner, but she doesn’t deserve this!

 

• Matt Striker and Vampiro open the show, and Vampiro, you’re in danger, sir! You might want to take the night off! Striker runs through the card, then sends us to the ring for the first match.

 

• That first match: Sexy Star hooks it up once again with Mariposa Martinez. Star double-legs Mariposa and throws a ton of hands before getting to her feet, grabbing Mari’s ponytails, and whipping her around. Mari manages to scramble upright, but Star flings herself at Mari, lands a rana that spills Mari to the floor, and follows up with a dive.

 

• Mari is already in deep trouble, but manages to reverse an Irish whip into the wall underneath the raised guardrail. She manages a choke, then breaks the count to inflict more punishment; this punishment includes killing a Star facebuster, grabbing her by the legs, and bashing her into the side of the commentary desk a few times. That was a neat spot, which is something that Mariposa is always good for in her matches.

 

• Back in the ring, Mari attempts a Butterfly Effect, but Star twists away from it and goes on the run after stuffing a Mariposa charge with a boot. Star lands a leaping arm drag, then shoots Mari in and, after being reversed, blocks a hip toss with fists and a sitout hair toss that was kind of neat. Star’s worked punches are shit, though. We got a close-up on them, and they did not look like the sort of punches that should faze a newborn, much less a professional wrestler/assassin for the Moth Tribe.

 

• The psychological story of this match is that Mari is not taking this match as seriously as Star is because Star sees Mari as a legitimate threat whereas Mari is simply enjoying another chance to beat up Star for the fuck of it all. Mari lands a Samoan Drop to counter Star running at her, then presses for two before taking her sweet time to wrap Star in a variation of an Indian Deathlock that leaves Mari’s left leg free; Mari uses it to stomp Star’s shoulder as Star inches toward, and grabs, the bottom rope to break it.

 

• But again, Mari’s a bit casual about this beatdown. She drags Star into position, stomps her abdominals, and then slowly goes up for a moonsault; Star moves and then immediately picks up the pace again, though Mari uses her height advantage to catch a leaping Star and put her up top for a superplex attempt that Star blocks. Star shoves Mari to the mat, then hits a Killshot-like top-rope double-stomp for the three count. Star screams at the downed Mari to leave her the fuck alone, probably, before leaving. It is likely that Star thinks her spider issues are over. They almost certainly are not.

 

• Meanwhile, Marty “the Moth” Martinez slides into he ring to check on his injured sister, and by that, I mean he slides into the ring to chokeslam her for her failure. I notice that his AZTEC PRIDE shirt, which is usually yellow with black lettering, is now black with yellow lettering. Who does this Moth think he is, our current emp version of Prince Puma?

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Mascarita Sagrada is working out backstage, and man, this guy should get a gym membership and get his reps in somewhere else, because he’s always accosted by complete jackasses every time he tries to get his pump on. Last season, it was Famous B., and the working relationship that blossomed from that meeting ended up going poorly for him. This season, it’s Paul London and the Rabbit Tribe. They all bow to him because they think he’s the white rabbit that led them to the Temple. They’ve decided that he is the leader of their tribe and want him to join them at ringside for their trios tag match later tonight. Sagrada tells them all that they’re crazy, but they’re just crazy in love with you, Sagrada. Anyway, they proclaim Sagrada “incredible” and all hold hands while trying to keep their glee at tracking down their supposed leader. This poor bastard Sagrada. He’s one of my favorite characters in all of LU: an undersized, but highly skilled fighter who has to put up with a ton of stupid bullshit while he’s merely trying to make his way in the world.

 

• Speaking of the Rabbit Tribe, here they come to the ring. Matt Striker Reads American Postmodernists: He mentions Jack Kerouac and Timothy Leary while talking about the '60 counter-culture themed Rabbit Tribe. I bet Striker reads, and I bet Striker reads a lot of American guys who were writing around this same time. If he’s not a fan of Mailer and Bukowski, I’d be flabbergasted. Anyway, I think “turn on, tune in, drop out” broadly lives on as a way of life as described by the concepts of “lying flat” or “quiet quitting” in the modern day, but you don’t want to read my writing about any of that because this is a wrestling review, not a sociology paper. What you want to read my writing about is Kobra Moon playing Colonel Robert Parker to Drago’s Kole and Kane; she leads Drago to the ring on a chain and collar to tag with Vibora and Pindar. It’s the Rabbit Tribe against the Reptile Tribe! Next!

 

• Bad Luck Cisco – oops, I mean Mala Suerte – starts the match out against Pindar. He wins a headscissors, but when he tags Saltador in, Saltador leaps into a power slam. Kobra, who directs traffic for her team from the floor, deamnds that Pindar tag Drago in. Pindar does, and Drago goes on the attack instead of, I don’t know, taking off into the stands and rushing through a door, out into the relative safety of this Los Angeles-area warehouse district. Obviously, Kobra’s plan to starve Drago worked to make him compliant…or maybe something else we didn’t see on screen did the trick. In any case, Drago has no hesitation about landing offense alone and in tandem with Pindar. Striker is very confused about what this means for Drago’s participation with the Super Friends, who I will remind you are the current trios tag champions. I imagine that Fenix and Aerostar will not be champs for long, though Drago might not miss a beat if the Reptile Tribe is the team to beat them. Fenix in particular has a series of enemies that he isn’t responsible for making right now – the Reptile Tribe and Jeremiah Crane, most notably, and probably still Mil Muertes considering how much Mil relies on Catrina's guidance. This alone has caused Fenix to gain my sympathies.

 

• This match has a bunch of Rabbit Tribe shtick. Vibora tags in and the crowd insists on chanting LU-CHA-SAUR-US, which Matt Striker simply ignores as though he were Michael Cole commentating the post-WrestleMania RAW episode while trying to block out whatever nonsense the annoying crowd was chanting in counter to the ongoing WWE Narrative^TM. Paul London pokes Vibora in the chest, trying to figure out if this dude is real or an apparition. Vibora demonstrates that he is no mere apparition by nailing London with a big boot. This sparks a London FIP segment, insofar as the Rabbit Tribe are babyfaces. Kobra cheats from outside the ring, even choking him with the chokechain that she uses to lead Drago around.

 

• London eventually manages to escape the corner and make a hot tag; Mala Suerte and Saltador hit the ring and land a series of double-teams to the Reptiles; they get two on a double-dropkick to a seated Drago. Suerte does his whole Coast-2-Coast fakeout move, but the time he takes to set it up allows Drago to recover, headscissors Suerte as soon as Suerte lands his dropkick, and tag out to Pindar, who teams with Vibora on a big boot/swinging slam combo. Pindar and Vibora signal to one another that they should end it, but London hops in the ring and delivers a few superkicks. London tries to follow up by springboarding onto Vibora, but the once-and-future Luchasaurus catches him and rotates him into jumping Tombstone position before spiking him. Korba demands that Drago finish this match, and Drago does so by attacking the legal man Saltador with his running flipping neckbreaker, which he does earn three on.

 

• Pindar and Vibora hold up Drago’s arms in victory while Kobra chains him up again. This is when Fenix and Aerostar rush the ring; they clear the ring of the Reptile Tribe’s generals and then release Drago, but Drago seems entranced by Kobra Moon – TBH, who wouldn’t be, and yes, I am perfectly settled down – and doesn’t know how to respond to his buddies. He shoves them away, but he doesn’t attack. He merely looks confused while Fenix and Aerostar remonstrate with him. Kobra and her other two generals seem content to let Drago attempt to clear his mental fog from the safety of their position outside the ring, probably because they feel confident that he won’t be successful.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Fresh off her victory over Mariposa, Sexy Star walks up to Willie Mack, who congratulates her on her victory. Star thinks that Mack will be victorious tonight as well, but Mack asks her not to interfere in his match against Mundo tonight, just as she asked him the same a few weeks ago when she wrestled Mundo for the title (Season Three, Show Twelve). Star agrees, and then they do their Complex Friendship Dap, which is one of the best tag team moves anyone has done on this show ever.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Star has long left by the time that Dario Cueto skulks around the locker room in search of Willie Mack. I do wonder what Dario is up to, and here it is: Dario has made this title match tonight a non-title match tonight, with the winner picking the title stips for their actual title match. Mack expresses his confidence with the faintly silly catchphrase, “Always bet on Mack.”

 

• I’m living in the “Johnny Mundo as LU Champ” era and, while it’s not as bad as it would have been if he were a babyface champ, heel champ Mundo isn’t exactly inspiring me. I am guessing that he’s going to drop the gold to Brian Cage and his Aztec-powered gauntlet, but you know what? I would like a babyface champion for at least a few weeks. We got Puma being a weak babyface champ in season one for most of that season, but since then, we’ve had two babyface champions who held the belt for a single week apiece. I am assuming, by the way, that Cage becomes a heel because he’s imbued with the power of the Aztec gods, and as far as I can tell, the Aztec gods are mega-heels.

 

• I dig Willie Mack even though sometimes he works like a guy who just wants to do awesome deceptively athletic tubby-man offense and WWE callbacks no matter what else is going on in the ring. Vampiro says that the Mack is used to beating beaten by police and fighting homeless people for food, which is not the story of every black American ever, dude. Mack does shrug off Mundo’s forearm to the back. He doesn’t shrug off Mundo flipping him the bird though. That’s his gimmick, dammit! He lifted it off Stone Cold Steve Austin first! He hits Mundo with an Exploder Suplex on the floor while Vampiro drives this very bad conversation juxtaposing Mundo growing up well-to-do in Los Angeles against Mack growing up being beaten by cops, I guess? Where is this coming from? You know, you guys can talk about a black wrestler without insinuating that he’s a broke fatherless dude or whatever. Goddam. I mean, we’ve seen Mundo’s (presumably kayfabe) home before, and it’s extremely nice, but I thought the inference was that he bought it with that big WWE money, not that his daddy was a high-powered lawyer or whatever. Even if that’s a truth about John Hennigan’s real life, I don’t think it’s ever been said or implied on LU television before and really wouldn’t be relevant in kayfabe when the whole point of Mundo’s “I’m a superstar” act is that he’s come to this seedy Temple from the WWE and obviously carries himself like he’s been in the big time and all these other wrestlers should bow before him. Anyway, sorry for the side rant, but I hated all this opening commentary, and for once, Vampiro is the person who took the commentary down this particular type of shitty path and not Striker (who even cautiously paused while Vamp went off about Mack’s upbringing).

 

• The match is perfectly solid so far, as Mack hits a bunch of huge moves once he gets Mundo back in the ring – a nice lariat, a leaping back elbow, and a big slam. Mack then kicks Mundo’s arm and, in a show of how permissive I am toward his worst instincts, doesn’t irritate me by landing a People’s Elbow and then dabbing. In “honor” of his LU backstory, I’m going to call Mack’s version of that move a Downtrodden People’s Elbow. We shall overcome. The DPE only gets two, by the way.

 

• Mundo kicks his way out of immediate trouble, then hits a leaping elbow in one corner. He tries a whip into another corner, gets reversed, but turns back a Mack charge with a boot. Mundo then rushes the staggered Mack, but he is reversed in turn; Mack scoops him up and scores a Samoan Drop, then kips up and lands a standing moonsault for 2.8. Mack hooks Mundo in uranage position; Mundo elbows his way out, but bounces off the ropes and runs into a pop-up forearm that puts him down for two more.

 

• The experienced Mundo makes a bit of room for himself by rolling to the apron, but he loses a punchup and gets caught with a Codebreaker; he topples back into the ring, but manages to kick out at two on Mack’s cover. Mack tries to follow up with a Mack Stunner, but Mundo shoves him away and right into referee Marty Elias. Mundo tries to leap onto Mack’s shoulders, but Mack catches him and scores a sit-out powerbomb for a visual six count that is only an actual two count because Elias takes a long time to recover from a weak bump. Jack Evans and P.J. Black figure out that their buddy Mundo needs help, so they run out and surround the ring, which distracts Mack for long enough that Mundo can sneak up behind him, hit a low blow, and schoolboy him for three. This was a very 2000 WCW Thunder-feeling finish. If you’re going to do a ref bump, make sure that it’s convincing and that the ref is positioned in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that he’s prepping for a ref bump.

 

• After the match, the Worldwide Underground stomps out Mack; Evans and Black hold Mack in place while Mundo is like, Go home, fatty! And come back at a later date so I can kick your fat ass in an All Night Long Match for the title, which is the match type that I am now choosing. Oh no. Please, no. This is not going to be good. The Worldwide Underground celebrates in the ring until Mil Muertes and Catrina step onto the stairs. Mundo thinks that Mil wants his gold, and Striker thinks that Mil wants Mundo’s gold, but we know from earlier that Mil wants to throttle Vampiro, which he does. Just as Catrina planned, this brings down Prince Puma for the save. Vampiro orders Puma not to intervene just before Mil clobbers Vamp with a Flatliner, which is how our show ends.

 

• Meh. 2.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 19: “Gods Among Men” or Now You're Playing With Power! Aztec God Power! 

• I chose Ghost of Yōtei and going outside over writing more about Lucha Underground this weekend, and as I stand up at my desk to, I must admit that I feel like I made a good decision.

 

• Prove me wrong, next episode of Lucha Underground!

 

• Recap: There are quite a few goings-on in the Temple; El Dragon Azteca Jr. is on “Kill Matanza” duty, a masked Cortez Castro is on “stop the Aztec War” duty, and Famous B. is on “represent Texano and take a huge chunk of his winnings as a commission” duty. Also, Willie Mack and Johnny Mundo are feuding over the Lucha Underground title, though that title, as important as it is, isn’t as comparatively important to all the other stuff going on around them as they probably think it is!

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Councilman Delgado meets with Dario Cueto in Dario’s office, and Delgado makes it clear that he expects to see Brian Cage wearing that Gauntlet of the Gods and pounding an opponent into mush with it later tonight. Dario is thrilled to report that Cage “loves [the gauntlet]; he is consumed by its power. Little does he realize it’s the power that’s consuming him.” Yikes! Delgado seems pretty hyped to soon be “nothing more than men amongst gods,” and maybe that’s because Dario appears to think that the Aztec gods will be showing gratitude to them for plotting to help them walk the earth. Uh, I don’t think that’s how a bunch of blue-and-orange morality gods who are superfans of bloody human sacrifice work, but okay. Let’s see how that hope turns out for you.

 

• El Dragon Azteca Jr. cuts in on this conversation to demand a match against Matanza Cueto, and he wants it to be a Death Match so that he can rid the earth of the previous vessel for the Aztec gods. Azteca says that he will get revenge on his enemy Matanza, and Councilman Delgado appreciates that the kid has huevos. And also that he’s going to get to see two murders in the ring tonight. What a treat!

 

• Logically, Azteca should have asked for a Grave Consequences Match, IMO. That match is firmly established as actually killing the losing competitor (though not for long if they have a buddy who can get to their corpse and who at least dabbles in dark magic).

 

• Matt Striker hypes tonight’s show while a bruised, sliced up Vampiro looks like he’d rather be anywhere but sitting at the desk. Striker sells that King Cuerno’s career was cooked by Mil Muertes in the previous Death Match on LU television (Season Two, Show Twenty-Five) before turning to his buddy Vamp and mentioning what Mil did to destroy Vampiro in the ring at the end of last week’s show. Vampiro cuts Striker off so that he can stare into the camera and threaten revenge on Mil; Striker realizes that his good friend and color commentary partner is on tilt and redirects us to the ring for the first match of the night.

 

• Texano opens the show against Officer Joey Ryan. I hadn’t missed this guy Ryan. Hurry up and kill him off, LU showrunners. Thanks. Texano being visibly disgusted by all the baby oil on Joey’s chest is funny as shit, though. I blame Reseda for ruining pro wrestling for me (well, along with Philadelphia, New York, and Greenwich, CT), so if we could get, like, a two-minute squash rather than both men having a shoulderblock war, that would be great. No, I said “rather than having a shoulderblock wa—” oh, forget it. Texano wins that war with a little pull of the tights to line Ryan up for a successful shoulderblock, then rolls until Ryan slips outside and Texano chases Ryan right into a Ryan counter-neck snap. Ryan bashes Texano around at ringside for a few seconds, then rolls Texano back in the ring and pulls his dick-flavored Blow Pop from his tights and takes a few licks. The animals in the crowd start a THIS IS AWESOME chant. There are many things I love about California, which is genuinely one of my favorite states in this fragile Union, but the indie wrestling scene there ain’t one of them.

 

• Famous B. walks out here dressed like a black Colonel Robert Parker to try and pitch Texano in the middle of this match. Texano is confused and maybe about as disgusted as he was with Ryan and all that baby oil, but he makes a comeback anyway; he scores two on a leg lariat and then two after rolling through a sunset flip and landing a kick. B. and Brenda yammer on at ringside while Texano tries a suicide dive and then switches to a slingshot crossbody when Ryan ducks out of the way.

 

• Texano goes back up top while I wonder what the fuck happened to Dr. Wagner Jr. This guy Famous B. goes through clients at quite the clip, doesn’t he? Ryan is able to crotch Texano up top and then hit an overhead suplex, but when he tries to go for Texano’s bullwhip, Famous B. grabs it and keeps him from using it. Meanwhile, Brenda slides a horseshoe to Texano, who uses it to knock out Ryan for three. This sucked something fierce. B. and Brenda celebrate with a peeved Texano, who pushes B. away when B. tries to raise his hand in victory. He seems like he might join B. just to get a shot at romancing Brenda, though.

 

• Johnny Mundo stands in the ring to gab for a little while. FUUUUUUUUUUUUokay, whatever, just let’s get this over with. Mundo is a solid heel, but I’m just so over this guy. He’s not a main event anchor to me. He gets way too much TV time. Jack Evans and P.J. Black are here to offer moral support. Mundo rambles on about being champion and a proper wrestling star and all that nonsense. He claims that no one ever believed in him and some doofus in the crowd yells I BELIEVED IN YOU, JOHNNY. Why don’t you believe in wrestlers who are more than mere textbook midcard-level talent instead, my dude? Mundo then addresses Willie Mack’s chunky-man physique and insinuates that he thinks that he’s got Mack beat on conditioning. He compares Mack to a large gentleman in the crowd during this boilerplate WWE-style in-ring promo that was too long and that Mack should have interrupted long before he actually did. This was all perfectly fine stuff from an objective standpoint; your enjoyment of this segment depends on how excited you are to see the Worldwide Underground on your screen, and at this point, I’m really only interested in whatever Taya is doing. Taya isn’t here yet again, by the way, and I hope she makes it back soon.

 

• Anyway, Mack manages to land Mack Stunners on Evans and Black when they rush in to try and attack him, so Mundo calls for Temple Security to save him from a beating, which is weird because why the fuck would Dario have security around to keep his wrestlers from killing one another. Mack then lives out his “be Stone Cold Steve Austin for a day” fantasies by dropping all the security mooks one by one. Mack grabs a mic and suggests that he has the utmost confidence in his own abilities when he meets Mundo for the title in the next show’s All Night Long Match.

 

• Oh no. Striker just said that Cage is going to wrestle for the first time since he got his Unique Opportunity against a debuting luchador. That poor fuck Cortez Castro Reyes. Cage walks out here wearing the Gauntlet of the Gods to wrestle Veneno, who is not Jack Veneno or the original Veneno, but rather Officer Cortez Castro Reyes looking like an LU Arachnaman. Cage takes off the gauntlet, but he’s still got the power of the gods coursin’ through his veins, brother! Cage proceeds to pretty much ignore all of Officer Cortez Castro Veneno Reyes’s offense before landing a Steiner Screwdriver for three and then popping that gauntlet back on his hand. He also randomly attacks the referee for raising his arm in victory before realizing that he should probably relax and not slaughter this ref who is just trying to do his job. So this gauntlet is basically a stand-in for steroids, yeah? Gives you lots of power, causes you to lose your mind and go into a rage, might inspire you to maim or kill someone?

 

• Oh no. This poor bastard Cortez Castro Veneno Reyes is dressed like a spider, so guess who runs out here to confront him as he tries to sit up after the match? Sexy Star, who screams IT WAS YOU in Spanish because she now thinks that this guy is the one who has been leaving tarantulas in her stuff each week. She kicks him right in the face and tells him to stay out of her fuckin’ life. The thing I liked about this match and aftermath is that both Cage and Star came off like changed people. Cage is on a hair trigger and Star had a look of complete paranoia on her face the whole time she was out here.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Prince Puma has flashbacks as he works out; he remembers his previous association with Konnan and Konnan’s death before flashing forward to recalling how Vampiro got him into this whole Mil Muertes catastrophe that ended up getting him killed (but only for a little while). He starts to have a freak out about it when Catrina blit-blurts into the room and tells him that dying has changed Puma. I’ll say. Catrina says that he’ll be hearing the voices of the dead forever more and that she hears them to, but Puma says that all he’s got in his head is visions of Mil bleeding everywhere. Catrina is basically like No, you’re gonna bleed, stupid!, and then she blit-blurts away, and then Puma knocks the crap out of the heavy bag that he’s working on. I’m not sure, but I think they’re at an impasse.

 

• El Dragon Azteca Jr. tries to chart his own path by, um, killing Matanza Cueto (w/Dario Cueto). I assume that Matanza isn’t much longer for this show, actually. I am pretty sure that Dario doesn’t make it to next season (even if Luis Fernandez-Gil does!), and I wonder if Cage, who lost to Matanza in their only meeting, will be the one to put Dario’s lil’ brudda in the dirt after being imbued with the power of a bunch of violence loving old gods...because I sure as heck don’t believe that Azteca can do it or even come close to doing it.

 

• Actually, as I watch Azteca try to stick and move before ending up hoisted into a back suplex after he leaps at Matanza and gets caught, I presume that there’s not much longer for Rey Misterio Jr. to be on this show, and now I’m bummed out because it feels like we’re headed for a lot of characters being killed off by the end of this season, and in that group are likely going to be more than a few folks who I don’t feel that I’ve seen enough of in this season.

 

• Matanza sets a chair up in the ring, but all the time he takes to do this leads to Azteca scoring a headscissors; Azteca then manages to superkick the chair into Matanza’s head before tossing it at him and sending lil’ brudda to the floor. Azteca sets up the chair and uses it as a step stool for a pretty dive that ends up landing him on the stairs.

 

• Lil’ brudda works out of it in the way that one who has the power of an Aztec god within them would; he grabs Azteca and tosses him into the post, then rams him into the raised barricade a few times before carting him up the stairs in power slam position. They fight up on the balcony, and this is another wandering brawl, y’know? At least with Grave Consequences, you can tease a few coffin spots, but man, it feels like every show, they’re in the stands or on top of an office or what-have-you. Anyway, it ends when Matanza chokeslams Azteca through a gimmicked bleacher. And this guy Azteca is supposed to be the key to stopping the Great Aztec War? If so, we are fucked. Azteca is a kayfabe bonehead.

 

• Rey Misterio Jr. runs to the top of the stairs to check on Azteca. Matanza charges up there, knocking a few planted fans to the ground in the process, and press slams Rey from the top of the bleachers and onto the balcony. He pursues, and they work some sequences where Matanza tries to toss Rey into the ether and Rey tries to use ranas and shit in the middle of an enclosed space full of things for Matanza can toss Rey into. You can guess how this is going for the G.O.A.T., but just in case you’d like a concrete answer, not good! Well, that is until Rey manages to back body drop a charging, overzealous Matanza over the railing and through the roof of the storage closet. Dario freaks out and demands that everyone leave the Temple immediately, but of course, these fuckos stick around and chant for Rey.

 

• Seedy outside-the-Temple interstitial: Melissa Santos greets the fans, unaware that Marty Martinez is watching her. He huffs with a sound that can only be described as one that indicates desire, but before he can make his move, someone puts a bag over his head and absconds with him. His abductor turns out to be his dear sister Mariposa Martinez; she has him tied up in an undisclosed location. She asks him if he’s seen the light, then punches him in the face and walks away. The Moth giggles and exclaims that he “did good,” then tries to chew his way out of the ropes, and you know what, that’s enough Lucha Underground for me tonight!

 

• Double meh. 2.25 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited October 6 by SirSmUgly
See below

[tbarrie]

8 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Anyway, Mack manages to land Mack Stunners on Evans and Black when they rush in to try and attack him, so Mack calls for Temple Security to save him from a beating, which is weird because why the fuck would Dario have security around to keep his wrestlers from killing one another. Mack then lives out his “be Stone Cold Steve Austin for a day” fantasies by dropping all the security mooks one by one.

I'm guessing you meant to say Mundo called for security? Mack calling for security to save him doesn't sound very Stone Cold-like. And stunnering the guards after they came to his aid doesn't sound very Mack-like. (Though that one does sound kind of Stone Cold-like. Stone Cold was kind of a jerk.)

[Gorman]

On 7/15/2025 at 3:47 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Star follows up with a, uh, what do you call a plancha when it’s done from through the top and middle rope?

Tope

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 20: “All Night Long Again” or Timeslaughter

• We’re at the halfway point! Let’s write about the episode that will bring us to the middle of this longest season of Lucha Underground, which also might be this season’s lowest point in quality because…

 

• Recap: …Willie Mack is wrestling Johnny Mundo in an All Night Long Match. FUCK. Willie Mack had at least better win this thing in exchange for me having to watch Johnny Mundo in yet another Iron Man Match. FUCK.

 

• (I know it probably ain’t happening, though.)

 

• I love Willie Mack, but he needed to ask John Hennigan about those acting classes that Hennigan took. He might as well be reading his lines off a cue card in these interviews. He’s likeable enough that his friendship with Sexy Star is heartwarming, but he’s all physical charisma at this stage.

 

• Metalachi is my least favorite band this show has featured so far.

 

• Matt Striker and Vampiro hype the All Night Long Match; so does the crowd, what with their insistent chanting of the phrase ALL NIGHT LONG.

 

• Melissa Santos is too damn much. What is up with all the overelaborated upper body movements while she does her introductions? Calm down, sis. Willie “Return of the” Mack and Johnny Mundo are already in the ring as Santos introduces them. I can’t believe we’re getting forty minutes of this matchup! What the fuck, showrunners?!

 

• Striker does a great job of running through Mack’s best moves for different situations while the wrestlers in the ring start a feeling out process, then continues his solid commentary by laying out Mundo’s moves and best use cases. I appreciate that Vamp adds his analysis that Mack has straight knockout power compared to Mundo needing to set up his big moves before he can land them. That’s good work from the table, and Striker follows up by pointing out that unlike Mundo (Season One, Show Thirty-Two), Mack doesn’t have any experience in this type of match to explain why Mack fails to cover off a huge early lariat and instead poses. I gotta give Striker credit; when he goes into Real Sports Analyst Mode, he can be quite effective.

 

• Mack does cover off a Codebreaker variant that busts Mundo’s ribs, but he only gets two. A huge running kneedrop that looks really nice gets only two more. Mundo slaps the shit out of his thigh while landing one of his leaping kicks, and man, is he hitting his leg as hard as he can without hiding it as he lands kicks and then that not-so-nice-looking running knee he does as a signature for two. Mundo follows with a Moonlight Drive for two. I like that they’re already escalating this match and not wasting too much time on a feeling-out process, but I’m not exactly sure that they can sustain interesting escalation into minute forty.

 

• Mundo attempts an End of the World, gets tripped, and then embarks upon a stupid-looking spot where Mack stands on the second rope and feebly tries to punch him as Mundo ducks. I get the idea here, but the execution looked entirely silly. Between that and all the open thigh slapping, they’re pulling me out of a match that has had a couple of nice spots so far. Anyway, Mundo trips Mack and then hops back to the top and scores an End of the World to take an early lead [Mack – 0, Mundo – 1] at 32 minutes and change to go.

 

• We come back to Mack trying to fight up from a headlock and Mundo doing unnecessary flips because he likes parkour and is cocky. Mack catches him on one flip and dumps him for two. Mack does some great fat man offense in his comeback with a slingshot double boot to the chest and a great senton splash in the corner, but again, he only earns two.

 

• The champion manages a throat thrust to cut Mack’s comeback off, and really, the issue is that Mundo in control as a heel is no bueno. He’s a solid enough guy at heelish antics, but watching him control a match on offense as a heel is a real bummer. The problem Mundo has is that he needs to be a heel to be an effective persona, but he’s better selling and eating offense as a babyface. Anyway, Mack stops another Mundo End of the World attempt, but Mundo rolls through and scores a La Magistral, grabbing the ropes for leverage and earning a pinfall [Mack – 0, Mundo – 2].

 

• Mack mounts a comeback once again, scoring a pescado and a hanging neckbreaker that splatters Mundo onto the floor. Alas, he only earns a two count when he rolls Mundo back in the ring and presses him in the lateral manner. Mundo manages a kick to the gut and tries a lariat, but Mack hooks him and scores an Exploder. Both men pretty much trade moves – Mundo shakes off that Exploder to go springboard off the ropes – but Mack catches him on the springboard and finally manages a sit-out powerbomb for three [Mack – 1, Mundo – 2]  at 26-and-a-half minutes.

 

• This match hasn’t been bad, but it’s been dull and without an interesting rhythm or story. Striker and Vamp tried to frame this match with their opening comments, but this isn’t really how the match has turned out. Mack did get a pinfall off a big move, but Mundo has mostly cheated or sneaked his way into pinfalls rather than hitting a series of key moves to properly set up his finish. Mack reverses a vertical suplex and scores one of his own as Striker again points out Mack’s strength advantage, though. That’s nice. Commentary is unequivocally good so far tonight [Editor's note: Striker got a bit too into "WWE-style yelling to try and sell drama" with his PBP at the end, but toned down, he was good, which seems to be a theme of this show at this point in its existence].

 

• Both guys trade thigh-slappin’ kicks in the middle of the ring, but Mack bounces off the ropes and into a C-4 in which, of course, it looks like he flips himself because the C-4 generally is a move where it’s hard for wrestlers to hide the cooperation when they execute it. Anyway, shortly after that, they get caught in no-man’s-land up top, and Mack wins the tangle with a super belly-to-belly.

 

• I wonder whether Catrina knows that Captain Vasquez still has that other half of the amulet, still. The episode that introduced the amulet (Season Three, Episode Two) came so long after the episode that first introduced the Aztec tribe as it existed a thousand years ago (Season Two, Episode Three) that maybe they’re not doing anything with that storyline until the fourth season, but that episode blew me away and is probably my favorite one in terms of storyline stuff - and it is not an easy choice to pick an episode for "best narrative development," so that's saying something. Some of these overarching storylines are so creative and full of intrigue. I wish we got a bit more narrative development instead of this okay-I-guess match that is too long and that would have been better if it were shorter. Maybe if they did a twenty-minute ladder match, that would have worked a bit better. They haven’t done a one-on-one ladder match in eons (Season One, Show Seven).

 

• Mundo dives off the top and sells an ankle injury as he crashes into Mack. Trainers come out, but Mack notes that a match is still going on and dumps Mundo back into the ring at about the twenty minute mark, *sigh*. There’s a stretcher job as we go to break, *sigh*. We get it. It’s a heel gambit. The fans are actually unsure if it is, though. Mack eventually sells that Mack is hurt, so he offers his condolences and turns away. Mundo kips up and kicks Mack in the back after Mack lets him be, then DDTs him onto the backboard for three [Mack – 1, Mundo – 3]. I mean, this was a great idea in theory that was executed well in a vacuum, but it was so fucking obvious that it was fakery (except to a huge chunk of this crowd) that it didn’t work for me.

 

• Mack chases Mundo to the top of the stairs while wielding the backboard, and then we get another balcony dive. Now I’m thinking that Mack is going to win this because of Mundo taking another large lead and then acting like he’s already run. In an admittedly fun spot, Mack puts Mundo on the backboard and slides him all the way down the stairs. OK, that was neat. This is probably the best series of weapon spots I’ve seen in an LU match in a minute because Mack then flips the board over and Mundo topples over face first, unable to protect himself from bonking his head with his hands. That was a very good spot. Mack caps off his comeback with a Mack Stunner in the center of the ring for three [Mack – 2, Mundo – 3].. Well, I’ll give ‘em credit for using a weapon in a creative and interesting way for the first time in quite a while.

 

• The crowd is solidly behind Mack as he again pursues Mundo, who sneaks under the apron and then crawls out the other side, trying to buy time just as he did against Puma in their Up All Night Match. In another fairly creative spot, it wasn’t Mundo who crawled out of the other side but P.J. Black dressed like Mundo. Mack chases Black down a hallway and then back around, where Mundo waits with a kendo stick to blast Mack. They tee off on Mack with a pair of sticks, and I do think there should be DQs, but okay. Anyway, since Angelico is indisposed, his old running buddy Son of Havoc randomly steps into his place and attacks Mundo and Black with a kendo stick of his own. Are Havoc and Mascarita Sagrada still best buds, or like, what? Havoc then pounds on Dario Cueto’s door and yells a request at him; Mack needs a drink to revive himself, so Dario hands Havoc some water. However, as Mack is a Stone Cold Steve Austin expy, he needs beer to feel more like himself, and this spot is so dumb, but also It’s Product Placement Time! because Dario hands over two Modelos, and as Striker puts it, Havoc pouring the beer onto the downed Mack acts exactly the same as if Havoc shoveled spinach down Popeye’s gullet. Very stupid stuff in an unfortunately goofy way.

 

• I don’t know, man, there are bits of good work and neat spots in this match, but most of it sucks and is trying to either do too damn much or isn’t doing enough in terms of connecting together all these spots. Black and Mundo make a comeback and knock down Havoc and Mack; then, Mundo shits on Havoc and Mack over the house mic before demanding a victory song from Metalachi. He did this already, didn’t he? Wasn’t that a spot from the first All Night Long Match? But in a neat spot, Sexy Star is up there dressed as one of the band members, and she dives off the stage and onto Mundo and Black. Again, that is a neat spot in isolation because in action, why are like five people out here contesting a one-on-one Iron Man Match?

 

• Mack hoists Mundo over his shoulder and leaps off the apron with a Fire Driver through a table, then rolls Mundo back into the ring and manages an academic three count [Mack – 3, Mundo – 3]. Both men sell fatigue while trading close two counts. Mundo rolls out and grabs a table; Mack grabs a ladder. We’re just under five minutes to go, mercifully. Both guys trade two counts after a number of weapon-assisted moves as the clock ticks down. Mundo barely clears the ladder when he leaps over it as it lays sideways between the ropes in the corner, which is pretty impressive, and Mack slides underneath him and trips him, causing him to fall forward into the ladder. That was a neat spot. Again, there are neat spots sprinkled throughout, but this is not a neat, cohesive bout. I do think this bout has been broadly watchable enough, even if I’ve rolled my eyes more than a few times and if a lot of the choices in the layout didn’t work for me.

 

• Mundo regains control and attempts an End of the World with Mack laying on the ladder, but Mack moves and Mundo crashes and burns. We’ve got ninety seconds to go as Mack sets up a big move; he puts Mundo on the table and then climbs the ladder, looking for the killshot (not the Killshot). Mack takes a silly amount of time to climb so that Johnny Mundo superfan Ricky Mandel can run out and hold Mack’s leg. Star and Havoc run back out here and take care of Mandel. It’s sort of weird that Jack Evans hasn’t shown his face yet. Meanwhile, Mundo has been laying on this table for about fifty years, and he doesn’t move when Mack dives off the ladder with a big splash and then rolls around for what feels like an eternity before covering with like two seconds remaining. Time runs out; the match is a draw. The crowd is displeased until Dario walks out here and plays Gorilla Monsoon by declaring that he hates ties, so next week, the match restarts and we get OVERRRRRTIME (imagine that I write that to be said in Tim Kitzrow’s PBP voice).

 

• Mack hits Mundo with a Mack Stunner and holds up the gold while I think about this match and its myriad spots that basically reminded me that pro wrestling is worked. I have fatigue at this point with Lucha Underground’s big matches. Every one of them tries to be extra, and when all of them are trying to be extra, it’s like I’m being bombarded with all this heightened nonsense. I mean, it’s fun when the heightened nonsense is part of the narrative because pro wrestling is typically more reserved than “Aztec gods and creepy Aztec sorceresses are opposed by legit Aztec superheroes who moonlight as regular everyday luchadores in an ancient shadow war.” The wrestling in the ring, on the other hand, could really dial things back a notch and maybe lace together matches that make more sense instead of relying on whatever handful of huge spots they think the crowd will bleat THIS IS AWESOME for. Man, I want to like this show, but each week that passes suggests to me that either it has escalated the big spots in matches to a point where every match has these contrived THIS IS AWESOME spots or I have only so much patience for modern professional wrestling before I start to pick it apart at maybe too-granular a level. Probably, it's a combination of both. 

 

• That self-critique regarding the granularity of my complaints is not stopping me from penalizing this show -.5 LU-CHA chants for this shitty “book a draw and have an overtime period next week” finish. 1.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[zendragon]

I agree that an over reliance of gimmick matches was a weakness of LU