Smugly reviews all of Lucha Underground (or at least tries to before it becomes hard to find on the internet due to takedowns and capricious copyright holders)

[zendragon]

As I recall season to is where LU really hits it's stride

and MAN ALVIE has some of that Joey Ryan stuff not aged well at all

re: Cage he was heavily featured in DSOTR episode on Chris Kanyon got his initial training, pre-wwe from him (Kanyon came over during the invasion but never got a training gig, Norman did do training and probably interreacted with Cage when he was deep in developmental 50lbs ago). It makes sence when you think about Chris Kanyon is to Brian Cage as Dynamite Kid was to Chris Benoit.

[Curt McGirt]

Cage definitely does a Flatliner, right? It was Mil's big move though.

[zendragon]

Weapon X is a sort of Gory Bomb/Flatliner combo

[SirSmUgly]

17 hours ago, zendragon said:

As I recall season to is where LU really hits it's stride

and MAN ALVIE has some of that Joey Ryan stuff not aged well at all

re: Cage he was heavily featured in DSOTR episode on Chris Kanyon got his initial training, pre-wwe from him (Kanyon came over during the invasion but never got a training gig, Norman did do training and probably interreacted with Cage when he was deep in developmental 50lbs ago). It makes sence when you think about Chris Kanyon is to Brian Cage as Dynamite Kid was to Chris Benoit.

• Season one is a very slow burn through the first half of the season. I didn't give it enough time back in 2014/2015 to grab me, I don't think. This show really works once it expands its cast of characters and builds up the folklore behind the Temple.
• Joey Ryan deciding to live his gimmick made everything outside of his "bad corrupt cop" stuff age extemely poorly even in the context of pro wrestling, in which many gimmicks age poorly. 
• I saw that DSOTR episode and don't remember him at all! I remember lots of James Vandenberg, of course, but not Cage. I'll have to go back and watch that episode this week. As for Kanyon, he might be the American worker with the biggest influence in developing the modern pro wrestling scene in the U.S. If you look at who he directly trained, who he inspired, and how a lot of the work is reminiscent of stuff he was sort of pioneering on television in the '90s, it's either him or Shawn Michaels, yeah? Who else is on that shortlist?

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 20: “The Contenders” or Super Smash Luchador@s Melee

• Recap: I recently wondered in one of these reviews if Drago and Aerostar had forgotten about their budding feud with Jack Evans and P.J. Black, and now here we are in the recap, looking back at it. Now that Evans and Black are running with Johnny Mundo as part of the Barthian Bastards, Drago and Aerostar are outnumbered, but come to think of it, there’s one guy who I bet is dying (and then rebirthing again, as is his way) to help the babyfaces out [Editor’s note: Nope, I was wrong! The babyfaces didn’t need any help tonight]. Meanwhile, the undercover LAPD cops who infiltrated the Temple seem to be edging closer to blowing their cover, and Pentagón Jr. is up and walking again, looking for vengeance on Matanza Cueto. Things are about to pop off in the Temple. That is the point of this recap, and I, for one, cannot wait.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Black Lotus walks right into Dario Cueto’s office and tells El Jefe that El Dragon Azteca Jr. knows where Matanza Cueto is being held and in fact tried to kill him in revenge for the death of his mentor Azteca Sr., but she stopped Azteca Jr. from doing so. Dario, who was peeking out of the blinds of his office like he’d just walked into his house located in a bad neighborhood and wanted to make sure no one was bumming around his property looking to steal something after he locked the door behind him, is utterly shocked at this news. Lotus, who is still one of the dumber babyfaces on this show, notes that she pondered as to why she was protecting Matanza and then threatens Dario with retaliation from the whole Black Lotus clan if she finds out that Dario was lying about Azteca Sr. killing her parents. Dario is shocked – shocked, I say – to think that Lotus would ever believe that he was lying to her. Then, he diverts the conversation to Ultima Lucha Dos, which is only four shows away including this one (!!), and he books Lotus against Azteca Jr. for Ultima Lucha, telling her that she can take his mask back to the clan if she beats him. Lotus isn’t all that bright, so Dario’s booking of that match at least partially neutralizes her anger.

 

• Well, since the Team of Destiny probably isn’t getting the trios tag titles back after a reign that was all too short, I’m going to complain that either a) this season isn’t longer so that they could have had a few more weeks of title defenses before losing to the Barthian Bastards or b) that they didn’t get Misterio and Azteca Jr. onto this show earlier in the season and just have them beat the Disciples of Death for the titles rather than putting the titles back on Dysfunction Junction for a few more weeks. The Team of Destiny is such a fun trios tag team that I feel a bit cheated by their brief transitional reign.

 

• Also, how long does Misterio stick around? I hope he’s here in season three. If he only shows up for a single 26 episode season, I’m going to be very bummed out about it.

 

• To the desk! Matt Striker notes that Matanza Cueto has run through all of the immediate challengers to his Lucha Underground and will be chilling out and waiting for a new number one contender to be determined for his next defense at Ultima Lucha. Of course, Dario Cueto will determine that person in a convoluted way that probably assures a series of mediocre-to-bad wrestling matches: First, twelve top contenders will face each other in six-on-six tag action this week. The winning team will have a Six to Survive Elimination Match next week against one another until only one person is left standing. If LU would only do six-person tags and eschew all other multi-person matches, I would be very grateful. Alas.

 

• Vampiro also announces a Nunchaku Match between Drago/Aerostar and Jack Evans/P.J. Black for later in the show. He seems intrigued by the possibilities for violence.

 

• Marty “the Moth” Martinez (w/Killshot’s dog tags, no notice of the physical space boundaries that other people are trying to set) flaps his arms behind Melissa Santos, but instead of just trying to inhale stray strands of her hair as he usually does, he instead takes the microphone from her in the grabbiest way possible halfway through her announcement of his name. The crowd hates this dude, and someone audibly yells YOU’RE WEIRD, MARTY, which gets a small pop from the people surrounding him. **StingIAgree.gif**. The Moth huffs into the microphone and taunts Killshot to come to the ring and get his tags back. When he doesn’t see Killshot, he thinks the guy has no cojones, but as he grins and flaps his arms, he suddenly feels Killshot pressing his finger guns into the back of his head. The Moth turns around into a Killshot tackle that spills both men to the floor, where they throw hands.

 

• Both men trade strikes and bashes into the railing; Marty hits Killshot with a sick-looking powerbomb right into the railing that Killshot folded his body in half to take. Very nice bump on his part. Marty drags Killshot by his mask until he gets into the range of the commentary desk, where he grins and waves at Striker. Striker: “Why are you waving at me, you weird human being?” When even an awkward weirdo like Striker is put off by your weirdness, that tells you something! Marty prepares to spike Killshot into the commentary desk, but Killshot reverses it and launches Marty shoulder-first into the side of the desk. The ref finally counts these two out, so they’ll need a third match to settle their feud. After the match, referees try to separate them, but they gouge at each other’s eyes until finally, the refs back Marty off a bit. Marty chastises the refs and turns right around into a Killshot soccer kick. Marty hits the deck; Killshot gets his tags back…for a second. He drops them when Marty runs up behind him and hits a release German. Marty grabs them and cackles before barely escaping with them when Killshot recovers and pursues him. Those dudes took some nice bumps in that little segment that makes me hope their blowoff match at Ultima Lucha leans heavily on ringside brawling.

 

• Seedy LAPD interrogation room interstitial: They got my boy Mister Cisco Garza locked up! He’s questioned by Officers Reyes and Ryan, but Cisco just spits in Reyes’s face. Captain Vasquez walks in and lists off Cisco’s charges, then tries to cut a deal with him rather than merely prosecuting him and putting him in gen pop for the next three decades. Cisco is disgusted that he made friends with a bunch of undercover cops and at first refuses Vasquez when she tells him she can make all those charges go away if he wears a wire. She leaves, but when he has a second or two to consider her offer, he calls her back into the room. Cisco wants to know what to look for if he agrees to go back into the Temple. Vasquez wants evidence against Dario Cueto. She reads off the usual crimes that one would guess Dario might be into – drug trafficking, money laundering, murder – but adds a spicy crime that I don’t think we have a legal statute for: “the linchpin to the End of Days.” Cisco ponders her offer as the interstitial ends.

 

• It's time for the Nunchaku Match between Jack Evans/P.J. Black and Drago/Aerostar. Melissa Santos keeps getting interrupted tonight, this time by Evans demanding that he be announced as THE DRAGON SLAYER. Santos has to put up with a lot of nonsense in kayfabe, y’know? This match is a tornado-ish tag with various pairs of nunchaku hanging from hooks placed around the Temple. Striker lists of every notable user of the weapon he can think of: The Great Kabuki (yep, though I more associate him with poison mist, TBH), Larry Zbyskzo (heh!), Liu Kang (I think of him as more of a bicycle kick-and-fireballs guy), Ninja Turtle Michelangelo (obviously), Daredevil (yeah, I suppose), and Moon Knight (I only know Moon Knight from Marvel Ultimate Alliance and can’t remember anything about that particular superhero). Vampiro helpfully mentions Bruce Lee (duh, he should be the first or second mention along with Michelangelo). Striker even manages to shoehorn in a mention of Wu Tang just because this dude has never met a pop culture reference that he doesn’t love to make. Vampiro: “Lucha Underground ain’t nothin’ to eff with.” Well played, Vamp.

 

• It's almost impossible to have a tornado tag that isn’t at least fairly enjoyable. Maybe if it’s a late ‘90s WCW/WWF-style watered down hardcore wandering brawl, it might be pretty bland, but even those tend to be considerably more watchable to me than the singles match version of them. We get a lot of double-team moves early (and also sound effects to Evans and Black playing air guitar, which I think is a goofy Tarantino-style sound effect best left for the seedy interstitials). Evans tries to grab the first pair of nunchaku by standing on Black’s shoulders, but, Aerostar jumps out of the stands to topple the heels over. That was a cool, visually appealing spot.

 

• The men fight back to the ring, where Black hits a suicide dive on the babyfaces and then holds them in place for an Evans Asai moonsault. The heels then head for a second pair on nunchaku hanging over a set of stairs in the stands. The babyfaces scramble after them, but are kicked away; the heels once again stack on top of one another and grab the weapons. Striker points out how high the nunchaku are hanging and posits that Dario put them up there so that there would be more chance that someone might take a damaging spill while trying to retrieve them. Yeah, that sounds like our Dario, the linchpin of the End of Days!

 

• Evans yells THIS IS WHAT THE DRAGON SLAYER’S ALL ABOUT before he hits Drago right in the abs with the nunchaku, then screams COWABUNGA before doing the same to Aerostar. What a bastard! I mean that in the critical theorist’s sense, of course. He might be an alright guy in real life, I dunno. The babyfaces quickly retrieve the nunchaku and swing them at the heels before Drago dives onto one of them. I love the sound of someone getting whapped in the abdomen with nunchaku and would not mind if this sort of match was more commonly booked in place of generic hardcore brawls.

 

• Aerostar wanders the stands in search of a second pair to have for his very own, but Evans jumps from one railing to another railing and then onto him way up in the air. Evans retrieves the nunchaku, but when he gets back onto the railing to celebrate, he pratfalls right onto the roof of Dario’s office below. Aerostar plucks the nunchaku out of the air when a fan tosses them toward him; he swings away as Evans tries to avoid the blows, but Evans ends up hanging from the roof by his fingertips and plunging onto Black as Aerostar swings at his fingers.

 

• This match is entirely contrived in its big spots, but unlike many matches where that is true, I have not really had a huge sense of immersion being broken in spite of that. Part of that is that singles matches simply can’t do this sort of thing as easily because unlike in a tornado tag, the onus of the action is always on the two people setting up the contrived spot. Part of that is because LU’s producers clearly decided to shoot this whole match like it’s part of an action film. It gives me Game of Death/The Raid vibes, sort of, though I haven’t seen either movie in a minute and would have to rewatch them to tell you exactly how. But there’s something about this match – the dim lighting as all four men fought in the stairwell, the daredevil stuff that Evans was doing in that previous segment of the match – that screams “well-shot underground action movie, except with a screaming crowd in the frame.” It has a ‘70s grindhouse feel that is in line with the general presentation of the Temple. I think this particular match only works as constructed in Lucha Underground, actually.

 

• The match finally makes it back in the ring, where Drago absolutely wears out Evans with a pair of nunchaku; Evans spin bumps on the final hit. Drago backs Evans into the corner, hits him with poison mist, and then finishes him off via pinfall with a Tail of the Dragon. That was a nailed on Charming Uniquity. To mimic Striker: Only here on Lucha Underground!

 

• Okay, here are the teams for our twelve-person tag main event: Son of Havoc, Willie Mack, Texano, Sexy Star, Prince Puma, and Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Rey Fenix, King Cuerno, Ivelisse Velez, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Johnny Mundo, and Taya Valkyrie. Obviously, the first team winning this match would make for a more interesting set of potential title contenders at Ultima Lucha Dos, especially since other than Brian Cage, Rey Misterio Jr. is the only guy who I would buy beating Matanza at this point. Sorry, Pentagón Jr., but I need to see you steamroll a few higher-level opponents before I’m ready to believe that the new and improved you is a Matanza-killer.

 

• I ain’t even trying to follow all this action. I’ll let you know about all the spots worth knowing about, though. Wait, hold on, here’s one super-important spot that happens before the match starts: Only a few seconds after I spoke of the devil, Penta rolls out in this motorized wheelchair that we at home know he doesn’t need and that Vampiro knows he doesn’t need but which no one else (including Ian Hodgkinson) knows he doesn’t need…yet. He rolls up right behind Chavo as Chavo stands in the aisle and tells Chavo that he appreciates the earlier mentorship that Chavo gave him even though us longtime viewers will recall that Penta absolutely shit on Chavo’s terrible mentorship right before ditching him for a newer, darker master (Season One, Show Eleven). This is an obvious trap that Chavo has unwittingly walked into, a chance for Penta to get some long-awaited revenge on Chavo for failing him. In fact, after he thanks Chavo, he then says that now he must destroy him. He gets up out of his wheelchair and beats down Chavo at ringside before breaking Chavo’s arm (Vampiro on commentary, subconsciously trying to hold it together and continue being more Ian than he is Vamp: “I’m not going to get involved”). Striker reads surprise on Vampiro’s face; actually, that’s surprise on Ian’s face. Check in with Vampiro if you can get him to make himself known, Striker, and I bet you’d read something a bit different on his visage.

 

• Dario Cueto and Black Lotus step out of Dario’s office; Dario welcomes Penta back from that back-breaking beatdown that Matanza gave him (Season Two, Show Seven). Since Chavo caught “a bad break,” Dario says that if the crowd wants Penta to replace him in this twelve-person tag match, he’ll make that substitution right now. The crowd, which sees Penta as the ultimate babyface, is very into the idea. Dario replaces Chavo with Penta, but warns Penta against the possibility of getting manhandled by Matanza again if he manages to gain number one contendership. Penta, as you might guess, has cero miedo of that possibility. I am what can only be described as the opposite of excited to see a Penta/Matanza rematch, but that seems to be where we are headed. Bleh.

 

• Taya and Ivelisse immediately start beefing, and Star gets a quick rollup on Taya while Taya has her back turned to her. They start this bout out, and I will report that the most over wrestlers in this match are Star, Penta, and Misterio, with Havoc and Mack not too far behind them. Havoc ends up tagging in and having a standoff with Ivelisse before Penta blind tags Ivelisse and Havoc tags Mack. Mack tries a running splash in the corner and yells OH SHIT as Penta moves and he hangs himself on the top rope. Penta takes over; Vampiro utters out a sudden “Rip his ligaments!” Ian, you need to talk to your psychiatrist about upping your medication, buddy.

 

• Penta is a collection of spots and taunts and a cool catchphrase. That’s it. If he were an English-speaking, 6’4” white guy, he’d be the perfect WWE product. Basically, Edge is prett much Anglo Penta (except without the cool catchphrase). I love watching Penta in interstitials and could listen to him talk all day, but man, unless he’s in a garbage brawl where someone is bleeding, I couldn’t muster up a single shit about his matches (which makes him better than Edge, who I really don’t want to hear talk unless Christian is with him). If Penta does manage to knock off Matanza, I sincerely hope he transitions the gold to someone else as soon as possible.

 

• On the other hand, Misterio is the best. Striker and/or Vampiro remember a dude from WCW: Striker hypes Misterio by mentioning Misterio's awesome Psicosis match in October of 1995 ECW and his Great American Bash ’96 match against Dean Malenko (not their best match together, and in fact, they had one such better match not long after on Clash 33, but a good one). Vampiro is emerging from Ian’s psyche, so whereas he was dapping up Rey when Rey came out and exclaiming about how cool it was, now he testily says the following: “Well, how about Sturgis 1999 when one Vampiro kicked Rey Misterio’s ass? How come we don’t bring that up?” Well, Vampiro, it’s because the Dead Pool lost cleanly to the Filthy Animals, that’s why. At least you didn’t get pinned (Shaggy 2 Dope ate the pinfall), and at least Misterio didn’t win the pinfall (Billy Kidman did), but yeah, that’s why no one brings it up. You and the Insane Clown Posse got worked over, son. I think what’s happening is that Vamp only kayfabe remembers the part where he hit Rey with a Nail in the Coffin outside the ring and has otherwise blocked out the rest of the match. That’s my assumption.

 

• Some other stuff happens. Cuerno hits an Arrow From Hell, for example. Star lands a plancha-style dive between the ropes. Ivelisse goes up top and dives onto the whole mass of humanity. Mack and Penta chop one another as loudly as they possibly can. Speaking of a collection of spots! Mack wins the exchange and hits a plancha onto Penta at ringside; Star gets hyped and celebrates with him. Mack and Star need a third friend so they can be trios champs, dammit. Anyway, everyone dives onto everyone else. You know how these matches are. They’re pointless until the finish unless you like spots for the sake of spots. Said finish is Mundo hitting Puma with a Super C-4 to earn the victory. Mundo’s team is in the Six to Survive bout next week. Bummer. This was a nothing match in which the team that I have the least interest in won, but as an isolated bout, it was perfectly okay for what it was.

 

• Seedy home den interstitial: Catrina has located Mil Muertes’s body where it is being held in King Cuerno’s den. She once again resurrects him. The first time she resurrected Mil, his pupils turned white. This time around, they turn red. Mil headbutts the glass lid off the casket and seems maybe a bit peeved at being murdered yet again by his opponent in a Grave Consequences Match, I would say.

 

• The first match was a good angle-builder and the second match was so unique that this was another good show. Whereas the first season felt meandering for a huge chunk before it finally focused up in the last fifteen or so episodes, this season has rushed along too quickly for my taste. The downside is that some storylines or title reigns didn’t have enough time to breathe. The upside is that the feuds and long-term stories have such forward momentum that very few shows have felt bogged in the narrative mud. This was another show that propelled events forward in an interesting way. 4.25 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[zendragon]

4 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

• Season one is a very slow burn through the first half of the season. I didn't give it enough time back in 2014/2015 to grab me, I don't think. This show really works once it expands its cast of characters and builds up the folklore behind the Temple.
• Joey Ryan deciding to live his gimmick made everything outside of his "bad corrupt cop" stuff age extemely poorly even in the context of pro wrestling, in which many gimmicks age poorly. 
• I saw that DSOTR episode and don't remember him at all! I remember lots of James Vandenberg, of course, but not Cage. I'll have to go back and watch that episode this week. As for Kanyon, he might be the American worker with the biggest influence in developing the modern pro wrestling scene in the U.S. If you look at who he directly trained, who he inspired, and how a lot of the work is reminiscent of stuff he was sort of pioneering on television in the '90s, it's either him or Shawn Michaels, yeah? Who else is on that shortlist?

Guy's like FTR and Punk mention Bret a lot, The next generation down reps Eddie, Jericho to a lesser extent and probably Benoit (but no one says his name), a lot of the gen z guys mention Bryan Danielson as a influence  

[tbarrie]

7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

[...]other than Brian Cage, Rey Misterio Jr. is the only guy who I would buy beating Matanza at this point. Sorry, Pentagón Jr., but I need to see you steamroll a few higher-level opponents before I’m ready to believe that the new and improved you is a Matanza-killer.

Wait, I didn't think anybody could defeat Matanza unless they'd united the seven tribes first. Did I misunderstand how that worked? Or does uniting the seven medallions into the Gift of the Gods title count as symbolically uniting the tribes? (In which case I guess Cage actually had a chance the previous week.)

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 21: “Six to Survive” or Penta has researched Doctrine: Initiative

• Recap: We now have two cops and a criminal mole inside the Temple, true to Councilman Delgado’s (and Chavo Guerrero Jr.’s) suspicions. Not only that, but Pentagón Jr. and Mil Muertes are up and walking around being all dangerous once more. Penta might just be about to earn a rematch against Matanza Cueto in tonight’s Six to Survive Match, in fact!

 

• Commentary hypes the Six to Survive Match, then sends things to Melissa Santos…so that she can introduce the competitors in that match? It’s the opener?! Huh. OK. Here are your competitors in the order that Santos introduces them: King Cuerno vs. Ivelisse Velez vs. Taya Valkyrie (from Victoria, BC, and therefore a fellow Cascadian and a consistent rooting interest of mine) vs. Pentagón Jr. vs. Rey Fenix vs. Johnny Mundo.

 

• As a reminder, this is an elimination match as we work from six down to one. The ring quickly clears so that Taya and Ivelisse can go nose to nose, but Mundo hops behind Ivelisse and hits her with a Moonlight Drive for two. Taya follows with a swinging uranage, and Mundo demands that he get to pin Ivelisse after that because he’s a dick and Taya could probably do better. She gladly backs off, but the delay allows Ivelisse to kick out at two again.

 

• Fenix re-enters the ring, feints a slap at Taya, and then kicks her right in the ass when she ducks away. He and Penta then team up on a diving legdrop to the balls/regular legdrop to the throat deal that only earns a two count. You know what you’re getting early. Three people standing at ringside and watching the proceedings while two or maybe three people do spots in the ring. Cuerno manage a poisoned rana on Fenix in there, which is a cool spot, but this match is nothing early…until Mil Muertes storms out here and jumps Cuerno, then throws fists at him. Catrina watches at ringside as Mil destroys Cuerno and leaves him prone for a Mundo End of the World that gets three and eliminates the erstwhile elite hunter who I consider to be erstwhile because he hasn’t been very good at hunting this season, if you look at his record.

 

• After a break, we come back to Fenix not wanting to hit a girl, so Ivelisse kicks him until he stops being sexist and strikes her back. Fenix refuses, so Ivelisse rolls her and manages a cross body block on Penta as well. Ivelisse is on a roll, which is when Taya gets back in the ring and suckers her in; Ivelisse charges; Mundo pops up behind Taya and kicks Ivelisse. They double up on her for a bit, but she manages rana Mundo to the floor and go at it one-on-one with Taya. An Ivelisse standing side kick earns a two count, but Taya manages to sneak in a boot and lands a front slam. Taya risks it all by going up top, but Ivelisse moves out of the way of her moonsault. However, Ivelisse can’t capitalize; as Taya gets to her feet, Ivelisse charges the larger woman and gets wrapped and shoved backward into the corner buckles. Taya holds on, hits a Northern Lights, and then releases, rolls to her feet, and follows with a double stomp that earns her a three count on the cover and knocks our number of contenders down to four.

 

• There’s another break. When we come back, Penta is kicking Taya right in the pum pum on a Shattered Dreams (AKA Dustbuster). She clutches her pained groin while Fenix tosses a charging Mundo face first into the post at ringside. Basically, we’ve got a Lucha Bros. vs. Mundo and Taya tornado tag going on right now. Penta chops Taya while Vampiro’s commentary briefly makes me consider bringing the Bitch Count into these reviews. He’s just getting hyped up as Penta gets closer to victory, Vampiro’s persona emerging more and more and subduing ol’ Ian Hodgkinson, but he’s also giving me Nam-like flashbacks to hearing Shane Douglas on the mic in 2000. Striker even notes that Vampiro “has locked eyes with Penta” as Penta kicks Taya repeatedly right near the commentary desk.

 

• Mundo sees this and angrily calls Penta into the ring to fight him instead. Mundo wins that exchange, but then Fenix jumps Mundo and kicks him to the mat, and then of course Taya leaps back into the fray with a leaping top-rope rana. She even wins another Northern Lights into a double-stomp combo, this time on Fenix, but she doesn’t have the leverage; he kicks out at two. Taya pairs off with Penta; Mundo, meanwhile, kicks Fenix and covers. Taya comes over to help leverage Mundo’s cover, but Fenix kicks out anyway. Yeah, this is now effectively a tornado tag, and it’s not a surprise that this has been the best part of the match by far. Alas, it ends when Fenix double-stomps Mundo as Mundo is hung over the ropes; meanwhile, Penta drills Taya with a package piledriver and earns a three count, eliminating her.

 

• After yet another break, we come back to Mundo checking on a down-and-out Taya while Penta and Fenix recover in the ring. Well, now this is a triple threat, so this segment will be worse than the previous segment. We went from multi-person scramble (meh) to tornado tag (that was fun!) to triple threat (meh, probably) and eventually down to a singles match (will probably be Fenix vs. Penta, which will be watchable enough). This match having such defined phases is novel, though.

 

• Anyway, Penta lays around after an initial exchange so that Mundo and Fenix can have a decent enough sequence. Mundo controls until they start running the ropes, at which point Fenix kicks Mundo and both men spill outside. Penta reinserts himself into the proceedings with a huge plancha onto his opponents. Penta and Fenix get up and slap the shit out of one another. Striker, in an interesting aside: “To the casual viewer, these fighters choose open-hand strikes because they don’t want to break their hands throwing punches.” Vampiro: “Well, from a guy who teaches krav maga, I can tell you right now, a palm strike will do more damage any time; a fist, you might even break your hand if you hit ‘em wrong.” That is the first time I’ve heard a justification for palm strikes or Euro uppercuts over straight punches because the wrestlers are trying to avoid hand injuries by using traditional punches. Since it’s absurd that here in LU, the referees would ever be directed to disqualify wrestlers for using closed fists as is the normal way to explain why wrestlers might not use a punch, this alternate explanation for why wrestlers aren’t using closed fists is pretty good, actually. That is a great way to explain in kayfabe why the wrestlers in this company resort to chops and slaps way more than straight fisticuffs. I’d never heard this explanation before, but I immediately loved it once I did.

 

• Back to the wrestling going on in and around the ring: Mundo uses the slap-exchange between his enemies as a distraction and hits a corkscrew dive onto them; he then sets up a chair, seats a slumped Penta in it, and hits a running knee on him before putting Fenixx back in the ring and landing a corkscrew headbutt that ends up hitting Fenix in the groin, so even though his aim was off, it still came off okay. Mundo controls both guys, earning 2.9 on a cover after hitting Penta with a hanging DDT and then landing a series of knees and kicks to both men.

 

• That spot of control doesn’t last forever; Penta and Fenix sit Mundo in the corner and land a kick/double-stomp combo on him before landing an ugly sunset flip bomb sort of deal on top of Mundo and then both laterally pressing him for three to eliminate him. Striker can’t even discern what the fuck is supposed to be happening there, and I don’t blame him at all. What an ugly finish that was. Sometimes, just go for the simpler and visually cleaner double-team move, maybe. Some of these wrestlers chase complexity at the cost of telling a clear story through their moves.

 

• And now we are down to two! Striker points out these fellas came into the company together (Season One, Show Three). As you’ll recall, Fenix beat Penta in multiple matches to start their parallel stints in the Temple, so Penta finally managing to beat Fenix tonight will mean something for the long-term viewer. It will illustrate that Penta has come back stronger and better and is able to improve and overcome opponents who have previously dominated him. LU does a fine job of this sort of long-term booking, and this is one rare show where there’s a lot of  successful booking in which guys eat a loss and then get it right back against the same opponent or one dude eats a bunch of losses, but ends up having those losses work as motivation for them until they come back around and finally get the win. Fenix and Mil Muertes, for example, basically traded wins back and forth for the better part of two seasons, and it didn’t get boring or hurt either of them at all. WWE could never.

 

• Penta and Fenix trade nice-looking submission holds, including a Lasso From El Paso, a sweet front backbreaker, and a less-sweet Dragon Sleeper. There’s not a ton of struggle in the exchange; they’re actually using submissions as high spots. Would I have preferred grueling mat struggles with convincing counters into their moves? Yes, but if they’re going to do spots for the sake of spots, I can at least have fun with it if they’re power spots or submission holds. Diving high spots bore me. Weapon spots put me right to sleep. Power and submission spots still have aesthetic value to me even outside of an interesting narrative or clear struggle, though.

 

• They stop all that “trading holds” shit and start running and diving on one another; Penta hits a nice poisoned rana to counter Fenix’s counter to his corner charge. Both men sell exhaustion after that spot. They get up and do some more spots and exchanges, like a Fenix top-rope rana or a Sling Blade/side kick exchange or a Canadian Destroyer to the floor. It’s not particularly good, but I don’t hate my life as I watch it. I am tired of this match, though, and feel like it was booked far longer than it needed to be. We should have at least gotten two matches out of this show. Let’s get to the finish already instead of you two crazy kids trading slaps and kicks. OK, here it is; Penta hits a diving Canadian Destroyer and then hangs on and drops Fenix with a follow-up package piledriver for three. Finally. Geez. The crowd pops huge for Penta’s win; we get a shot of Vampiro standing up from his seat and having a bit of a moment. Striker asks him what he thinks about the result, as a play-by-play person might normally ask their color commentator. Vampiro, rudely: “My thoughts are this, man, why don’t you stop asking me questions and just let me enjoy the moment? I’m thinkin'.” Ian are you okay/Would you tell us/That you’re okay? Dario Cueto leads Matanza out to the top of the stairs, and a winded Penta gets a house mic and promises to break every bone in Matanza’s body at Ultima Lucha Dos, and also every bone in Dario’s body too just for kicks. Then he hits the ol’ catchphrase. No, he doesn’t even do that much; he lets the crowd do it for him.

 

• I’m bummed that this was a show-long match. We didn’t get any progress on the police investigation or the councilman and his Dark Lord or any of that shit even though it was shown in the recap. The match as it was, while fine, was overlong. This was a watchable episode, but they should have shoehorned a second match or at least an interstitial or two into the show. 2.75 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[SirSmUgly]

17 hours ago, tbarrie said:

Wait, I didn't think anybody could defeat Matanza unless they'd united the seven tribes first. Did I misunderstand how that worked? Or does uniting the seven medallions into the Gift of the Gods title count as symbolically uniting the tribes? (In which case I guess Cage actually had a chance the previous week.)

I paraphrased it as Aztec gods in the form of a human, but the prophecy actually was this, word-for-word: "The tribes must be united. It's the only way to stop what's coming...The Gods in the form of man." I will be updating that post to clarify because the extra article that I added changes the whole meaning of the sentence. It seems as though Matanza only has the power of a single Aztec god, not all of them, so maybe there is another, stronger vessel that the gods might collectively prefer to inhabit OR the gods will each inhabit their own bodies, seven in total.

I love the idea that the medallions which represent the tribes being united within the Gift of the Gods belt is enough, but Misterio imploring Azteca Jr. to stay true to his goal of uniting the Aztec tribes probably means this isn't true. 

Edited August 29 by SirSmUgly

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 22: “Fame and Fortune” or Medals of Honor: Rising Star

• Recap: It’s time for the medallions to be redistributed again after Brian Cage cashed in his GotG belt in a title loss to Matanza Cueto. Meanwhile, Mascarita Sagrada is on a losing streak and El Dragon Azteca Jr. is on a collision course [™ Michael Cole] with Black Lotus.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto has heard exciting things about a new luchador that he’s signed, a man who appears to be dark reprise of Prince Puma. Dario even monologues that this new luchador hails from Puma's same Aztec tribe located in Southern Illinois. Oops, no, I mean located in Mexico. Anyway, this guy is in a mask that reminds me of the visage of the panther which haunts the glade in Southwest Lemoyne – sorry, I’ve been playing a lot of Red Dead Redemption 2 lately – and is named Night Claw. That name is the sort of name I’d give a wrestler that I made up when I was about eight. Anyway, Dario hands him an Aztec medallion for free; unlike the other six medallions, which the wrestlers in the Temple will have to compete for, Night Claw gets one for free. Holy shit, Night Claw speaks, and he sounds like if Ole Anderson was speaking fluent Spanish while doing voiceover work for the Black Scorpion. This presentation is a total misfire, in my opinion; I’m getting real Disciples of Death vibes from this goober. Dario fills us in that the Jaguar Tribe that Puma and Night Claw come from were the first of the seven tribes to be destroyed by the Aztec gods as a way to caution Night Claw against overconfidence. Night Claw still appears to be overconfident.

 

• I’m surprised that they’re going to redistribute the medallions so quickly; this will be the second time within this short season. Then again, Dario does love chaos, doesn’t he?

 

• Matt Striker and Vampiro fill us in on tonight’s show: Dario let them know that one medallion has been given away to some new addition to the Temple, but the other six medallions will be competed for on tonight’s show. Further, Prince Puma will address the fans on his Ultima Lucha Dos plans. I presume that Night Claw will be crashing that address? [Editor’s note: Thankfully not!]

 

• Famous B. interrupts Melissa Santos to introduce Mascarita Sagrada (w/Brenda) before Sagrada’s medallion match against Daga. Daga is slightly distracted by Kobra Moon watching him intently from the top of Dario Cueto’s office. I hope Dario really reinforced that roof when he replaced it. Daga flings Sagrada around, then lands a lazy dropkick, but he’s going at half-speed here. Striker tries to say that Daga is trying his hardest, but Vampiro notes that Daga is lazy and disrespectful on the cover. On cue, Sagrada catches Daga sleeping and manages a pop-up rana for two, but Daga kicks out and lands a side Russian leg sweep; he keeps Sagrada in his clutches and transitions from there into a crossface that earns him a tap out victory after the dirtbag Daga finally stops shielding Sagrada’s frantic tapping from the referee’s view.

 

• Kobra Moon is pleased. B. and Brenda console Sagrada…until B. suddenly superkicks him. Brenda, sobbing and in the highest-pitched voice ever: “Why did you do that?!” B. beats Sagrada with his shoe, tosses it away, and then demands a crying that Brenda retrieve it for him, in one of the better heel moments that I’ve seen this season; he then gets on the mic and informs Sagrada that he will be rescinding his role as legal representation of Sagrada’s business interests, but does not share any plans to give Sagrada back the thirty percent commission that he has so far earned from said representation. He’s a dick, is what I’m saying.

 

• I’m a sucker for angles in which heel managers fire or backbench their clients, so I’m interested to see where this goes.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto is trying to get out in front of this El Dragon Azteca Jr. problem by lying his ass off to Azteca Jr. himself. Oh, he mixes a truth in there – “You think my brother killed someone very close to you, but he didn’t” – as an appetizer for the whopper of a lie that he lays down as the main course – “My brother is a monster, but he’s not a killer.” You better go on outta here with that nonsense, Dario. Azteca does not believe Dario, to his credit; Dario, however, leverages the truth that Matanza didn’t kill Azteca Sr. by noting that Black Lotus did it. She did, in fact, do it. Dario points out that Lotus is awfully protective of Matanza because she believes that Azteca Sr. killed her parents. If she believed that Matanza did it, she obviously wouldn’t be protecting him.

 

• I mean, this part is all true. It does out the important detail that Dario was the one to make up the story that Azteca Sr. killed Lotus's parents, but then again, Lotus deserves an ass kicking from Azteca for being a dumbshit babyface who got herself captured within Dario’s nonsensical web of lies. The camera focuses on Azteca’s eyes, which indicate that he’s taking in a lot of new information here that he needs time to process. Dario encourages Azteca to revenge himself upon Lotus “just like El Dragon Azteca (Sr.) would have wanted.” Well, no, I believe Rey Misterio Jr. when Misterio asserts that Azteca Sr. knew that he was sacrificing himself and would not be interested in revenge for his death so much as he would be interested in Azteca Jr. uniting the Aztec tribes to stop the Aztec gods from ravaging the wearth. Azteca Jr., on the other hand, is interested in revenge himself and really doesn’t care about what anyone else wants, whether he’s ready to admit that to himself or not. Dario merely asks Azteca Jr. to wait until Ultima Lucha Dos to get revenge on Azteca Sr.’s killer because, y’know, ratings. I guess that Dario saw Famous B. doing cruel heel shit and felt threatened that he wouldn’t be the cruelest heel on this episode, so he one-upped B. in this interstitial. What a vile (and entertaining) character! 

 

• Since they’ll be a team going forward until at least one of them is killed off, Officer Joey Ryan, Officer Cortez Castro Reyes, and wire-wearing felon Mister Cisco need a team name for the sake of easier reference, so here it is: Pork Mole will be wrestling a trios tag against, um, Killshot, Siniestro de la Muerte, and Marty “the Moth” Martinez, with the winning team earning Aztec medallions for themselves. Dario has gone full scumbag booker tonight. Killshot runs out here to try and throttle the Moth, who grabs a mic and says that even though they’re beefing, they have to be “brothers-in-arms” in a “three-man army,” so as a peace offering, he gives Killshot back the dogtags that he stole. Killshot warily accepts them.

 

• Striker compares the Moth to Patrick Bateman combined with some other characters while Marty does a backflip. In fairness, when I saw how nice Marty’s house was (outside of all the dead butterflies, at least), I thought to myself, “Jesus, Martinez, that house looks super. I didn’t realize that you had so much taste.” Anyway, Marty thrusts Ryan’s spittle-covered Blow Pop into his own mouth because yuck, and from there, we get a watchable trios match between these teams. At one point, Siniestro trips Reyes in a style that Striker declares is of Canadian provenance. Vampiro disagrees. Striker and/or Vampiro remember a dude from WCW: Striker: “Didn’t Lance Storm use a Canadian trip?” Vampiro, scoffing: “He’s not Canadian; he’s from Alberta.” I guess people from Ontario talk about Alberta the same way people from British Columbia do in my experience; that comment got me laughing even though it showed indirect disrespect to the Hitman.

 

• Reyes hates his partner so much that he tags in Cisco instead of Ryan on a hot tag even though Ryan demands the tag for himself. Cisco is a house engulfed as the crowd gets behind him and chants for him; he hits a diving rana from the top and then a neckbreaker on Marty, but only gets two. Joey Ryan rushes in and does his iron penis deal that sucks and I can honestly say that I always thought sucked well before Speaking Out revealed that Ryan was a pervert who was probably just using pro wrestling as a cover to get people to touch his dick. Killshot does a contrived dive spot where he carefully steps off Reyes on the apron before moonsaulting onto everyone else at ringside.

 

• Back in the ring, Killshot and Marty work nicely together to combo Cisco into a close two count, but Cisco recovers with a standing poisoned rana. Cisco and Cortez then combo Siniestro and prepare to finish off the guy with a Shatter Machine…until Joey Ryan hops in front of them and superkicks Siniestro. Ryan shoves Cisco to the floor and then argues with Reyes; Cisco isn’t able to get back to his feet before Marty sneaks in and curb stomps him; Killshot follows with a top-rope double-stomp and covers for three. Speaking of Marty sneaking in, he edges over to the post where Killshot placed the dog tags, steals them once more, catches sight of the cameraperson shooting him as he does it, and creepily signals a shushing motion into the camera before sidling away. Killshot finally realizes what happened, but Marty shoves the ref into him and takes off before Killshot can catch him. This was probably the lowest quality trios match LU has put on in a minute because of all the mediocre talent in the ring, but the nature of trios tags hiding weaknesses and the storyline feud stuff between Pork Mole and also between Killshot and Marty all helped carry this match.

 

• Alright, it is now time for the final match for the final two Aztec medallions available. Here’s another reminder that Dario booked this match: Sexy Star tags with Mariposa Martinez to face Ivelisse Velez and Taya Valkyrie in this match. Does Dario get some sort of mental health boost from sticking feud partners together or what? I know that Star wins the LU Championship and also maybe the GotG belt at some point relatively soon. Does she win it and then lose it to Johnny Mundo next season? I feel like that might happen, but I probably memory-holed a champion from next season.

 

• Striker claims that men are more ego-driven, but that women are more mature and more easily tamp down their egos to work together…in a match that includes Ivelisse, Taya, and Mariposa. Striker, your benevolent sexism has led you to an incorrect conclusion, and Vampiro and I shall both have a chuckle at your silly comment.

 

• Taya and Star have a pretty good opening sequence with a nice Star bow-and-arrow and some good arm drags. Taya backs away when she gets back to standing and is forcibly blind tagged by Ivelisse, who gets in there with Mariposa. They also have a solid sequence; Mariposa escapes a headlock by tossing Ivelisse backward into the buckles; Taya points and laughs at her partner from her spot on the apron.

 

• I do like that this match is relying on submissions; the ladies are very bendy. Mariposa grabs Ivelisse in a sort of standing Texas Cloverleaf-y sort of deal that I don’t know the formal name for, and it looks great because Ivelisse is bent in half. I have long believed that women should do a lot more submission moves because most of them have the flexibility to sell them like they’re death. Anyway, Ivelisse kicks away, sending Mariposa into the buckles, and then gets a quick rollup for two.

 

• Taya makes a blind tag, and you know what, I didn’t realize how tall she is because she’s usually been wrestling dudes or standing next to Johnny Mundo. She’s as tall as Mariposa, maybe slightly taller. I am sort in interested in this matchup, but Star blind tags Mariposa. BOO. I think I’ve come around on Taya; I didn’t really rate her (or hate her) on the first watch, but I really enjoy her heel work on this watchthrough. Anyway, after a brief exchange in the ring, Star runs the apron and hits Taya with a seated senton; Mariposa walks over, tosses Taya out of the way, and then clears out a section of the audience and tosses Taya into the wooden seats. Star gets in Mariposa’s face, but Mariposa shoves her to the floor, clears out another section, and then hits a running cross body to a seated Taya. Star walks over and starts arguing with Mariposa again, and poor forgotten Ivelisse reasserts herself by hitting a diving crossbody onto both her opponents at ringside.

 

• This has been a fun tag match that has certainly outstripped my expectations. Back in the ring, Taya stomps at Sexy Star, begins a mock SEXY STAR chant, and of course gets the crowd to start chanting for real. She lands a running back elbow into one corner and a pair of running knees into the other corner, but her lateral press only earns two. Taya clubs away at Star, but goes back to the corner charge once too often; Star boots a charging Taya, then lands a lariat, a kick to the solar plexus, and a DDT, then manages a victory roll on a woozy Taya for two. Taya ain’t too proud to tag; she scuttles over to her corner and tags an annoyed Ivelisse by the knee.

 

• Mariposa wants back in, but Star ignores her and instead choses to have a strikefest with Ivelisse that she loses; still, Star manages a drop toehold and La Magistral for two; Ivelisse scores a small package for two, and they both trade a series of flash pinfall attempts for close two counts. Ivelisse stops that exchange with a kick to the side of Star’s head, then kicks a charging Mariposa before turning right around into a wayward Taya spear as Star steps out of the way. Star deposits Taya to the floor with a dropkick; Mariposa packages Ivelisse up and drops her on her head, then tosses Star on top of Ivelisse for a three count and the final two medals. Man, that was a fun bout. The winning team warily eyes one another, but they accept their medals while managing not to engage in fisticuffs.

 

• Here is a list of who is into the Gift of the Gods Match at Ultima Lucha Dos (assuming that no one loses their medallion or has it stolen by Chavo or something): Night Claw, Daga, Killshot, Marty “the Moth” Martinez, Siniestro de la Muerte, Mariposa Martinez, and Sexy Star. This is not the best lineup for a GotG Match, to say the least. I feel quite certain that Star is going to win this one.

 

• Prince Puma enters the ring for interview time to end our show. Striker calls Puma the anchor of LU and compares him to John Cena, Ric Flair, Hiroshi Tanahashi, and Nick Bockwinkel to put him over. Puma, who has never spoken in front of the audience, I don’t think, definitely still sounds like a dude from the Midwest as he says that Konnan trained him to be the best, and by “the best,” Konnan explicitly meant “the next Rey Misterio Jr.” Puma would like to test that comparison by competing against Misterio at Ultima Lucha Dos, which sounds like it’ll be a fun match. Misterio comes to the ring to respond; he says that he’s a vet who has paid his dues, dammit, and while Puma is still a “Prince,” Misterio is “el Rey.” Rey does, however, see Puma as quite the measuring stick to see if he’s still got it (YOU DEFINITELY DO, CHAMP) and accepts Puma’s challenge. Both men shake hands, and yeah, I am into it. That’s the end of the show!

 

• This was an entertaining show, though it didn’t feel like a show that is two weeks away from Ultima Lucha Dos at all. Still, Dario Cueto did great heel work in the interstitials, and I’m interested in seeing where the storyline with Famous B.’s sports agency goes. I do think that Sexy Star winning the GotG or LU belts feels forced at this point because honestly, if they are dead set on having a woman win them, Ivelisse is the one that the crowd really wants, IMO. It just feels like the showrunners decided that they were going to build to a Star title win from day one, and they’re not going to deviate from that path even though they probably should. It really isn’t helpful that though Star held up her end of the tag match tonight, she was the fourth best worker in that thing and the second most over babyface of the two babyfaces in the ring. But that’s all a digression from rating this show, which was good! 3.75 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[Ramo2653]

The Night Claw mention made me remember that some of these LU only gimmicks were just other cast members in different masks so I looked em up on the Wiki.

Night Claw is Flamita

Sinestro is El Mariachi Loco who just works SoCal indies and the occasional shot in Mexico now.

Barrio Negro was Argenis

Trece was Ricky Mandel (who has an insane arc over the course of the series)

I want to say that at the time, season 2 had some issues with funding and then visas for wrestlers so that was why the episode count is lower. 3 was a bit more stable but they had to make some changes and then season 4 was more chaos.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 23: “The Phoenix, the Dragon, and the Spaceman” or Cheep Cheep Victories

• Let’s get through the rest of the second season in the next couple of days!

 

• Recap: Though Pentagón Jr. won a spot in the main event against Matanza Cueto by successfully navigating the Six to Survive Match from two weeks ago, King Cuerno is now embroiled in a feud with Mil Muertes as part of the fallout from that match. Johnny Mundo and Fenix came close to victory in Six to Survive, but ended up losing; what are their next moves? And how fun will Prince Puma versus Rey Misterio Jr. be at Ultima Lucha Dos?

 

• Here are new matches on tap for Ultima Lucha, according to Matt Striker and Vampiro: The Super Friends (Drago, Fenix, and Aerostar) have earned a title shot against the Barthian Bastards (Mundo, Black, and Evans, formally named the Worldwide Underground later in this show). Mundo and Fenix will wrestle one-on-one for the first time tonight. Meanwhile, in preparation for his big match against Rey Misterio Jr., Prince Puma will wrestle El Dragon Azteca Jr. Fine, but I wanted the Team of Destiny to be a thing for longer.

 

• King Cuerno and Mil Muertes (w/Catrina) are seemingly going to blow off their feud in the opener, maybe? Nah, this is going to end in a way that sparks a rematch with a stipulation at Ultima Lucha Dos. LU loves doing this sort of thing. Now watch me be wrong this time around as Muertes finishes off Cuerno cleanly or something. Muertes impolitely removes the cameraperson’s recording tool from in front of his face, then charges Cuerno, who runs away to create some space, but eventually gets speared and has to cover up to avoid damage from a series of soupbones.

 

• Mil stomps Cuerno in the junk, then counters a brief Cuerno attempt at a comeback by flipping him with a lariat. Cuerno is fighting for his life in there, and he’s not doing a very good job of it; Mil shakes off a kick to the shoulder to hit a huge chokeslam on Cuerno. Cuerno lands a high knee and a weak kick, then manages to lariat Mil to the floor. Mil lands on his feet, so Cuerno hits a basebally slide and then loads up an Arrow from Hell that cracks both Mil and the referee, who is out on the floor to do his ten count. What the heck? Why was he standing there for no discernible reason in kayfabe? That was a WCW-style ref bump that stands out because the ref never positions themselves in that way except that a bump was necessary to the story of this match. Surely, someone could come up with a more logical spot with which to bump the ref.

 

• Cuerno grabs a chair while Mil recovers and then hits Mil square on the top of the head with an unprotected chair shot. Mil is like, Eh, that didn’t even hurt, whatever, son, and when Cuerno starts another swing, Mil punches him square in the jaw with a straight right and grabs the chair, then whacks Cuerno in the back with it. Cuerno’s back is wrapped, by the way, and Striker points it out. Then, in a surprising finish, Mil wedges the chair in the corner and tries to shoot Cuerno into it; Cuerno stops himself, then moves out of the way as Mil charges in with a spear. Mil bonks his head off the chair, and Cuerno rolls him up and holds onto the ropes for dear life to get the leverage for a three count from the revived referee.

 

• Well, I suppose this is the sort of finish that calls for a rematch. Cuerno escapes as Catrina attempts to hold back and refocus an enraged Muertes. That match was certainly trying to achieve a reintroduction of Mil as an even stronger killer while giving Cuerno a needed victory, but I don’t understand why they would resurrect Mil again and then have him job here. Just have him beat Cuerno at Ultima Lucha Dos straight up. Cuerno isn’t exactly helped by this win, even considering his gimmick as a hunter who will do what he has to in order to achieve victory. Maybe if he hadn’t been taking so many losses this season, it would have come off more like Cuerno once again being a successful hunter and less like a fluke pinfall. And now Mil looks a bit weak because he’s supposedly come back even stronger than before, but he lost to a roll-up after hitting his head on a chair that we just saw him no-sell when it was swung at him a minute earlier.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto has invited Ivelisse Velez and Taya Valkyrie to his office; we get a Hitchcockian male gaze shot of Taya’s legs to start. Taya waves off a drink offer, but Ivelisse accepts. Dario pours while talking up both women, though when he gives Ivelisse her props, Taya interjects that Ivelisse depended on Son of Havoc and Angelico to gain success and that since Angelico’s injury, Ivelisse has been less than impressive. Dario heads off a budding argument by booking the women against one another in a match at Ultima Lucha to see who really is the baddest bitch in the temple. Taya walks out immediately, but Ivelisse takes time to finish her drink before she gets up...and bumps into eternal rival Catrina as the latter walks in. Catrina wishes Ivelisse good luck, but of course, calls her “little girl” as she does it so that you know and I know and especially Ivelisse knows that Catrina doesn’t mean it. Ivelisse just tells Catrina that she hasn’t forgotten their beef and will be swinging back around to address it when she has some spare time before she finally exits.

 

• Catrina makes a request of Dario Cueto: An Ultima Lucha Dos rematch between Mil Muertes and King Cuerno. Dario busts out laughing at her: “You’re funny! Let me see if I’ve got this straight; you attempt to take over my Temple, Mil Muertes attacks my poor, innocent baby brother, you destroy my office, and now you want to come in and demand something?!” I mean, except for the “poor, innocent baby brother” comment, Dario was spitting facts right there. Dario doesn’t give a fuck about what Catrina wants, to be clear, but Catrina gets in Dario’s face and re-states her request with one addition: She wants it to be a Deathmatch. Dario gets all horny for the idea and basically says that even though he legit hates Catrina, he legit loves violence. I guess that love will overcome hatred! He makes the match; Catrina makes the lights flicker and disappears. Dario, sighing: “Women.” Who is Dario trying to be with that comment, Matt Striker?

 

• Next up: Prince Puma wrestles former co-trios champion El Dragon Azteca Jr. (w/Rey Misterio Jr.). Ths match has a ton of running and flipping and countering and countering the counters. The opening exchange definitely feels like a floor routine and not like a natural struggle. Its neat from a “good athletic performance” standpoint, but it doesn’t do much for me from a “this feels like a competitive match” standpoint. Puma shakes hands with Azteca, but he aggressively holds the shake and pulls Azteca in, which leads to chops and a disrespectful slap from Azteca.

 

• I will give these guys credit for a spot that got me to suck in my breath; Azteca attempts a suicide dive, and he had such momentum that I was sure that he was going to overshoot Puma and smash the crown of his head into the cement stairs, but Puma snagged him out of midair and posted him. That was a planned spot, but it was the first thing all match that actually felt natural and out of control. Puma stares down Rey intermittently while punishing Azteca, but he doesn’t get a ton of time to stare because this is a very back-and-forth match. I like Puma, but he’s got too many flourishes to his moves. Even with something like a whip reversal, he really elaborates his body on the reversal. There’s too much performativeness in his work, or at least too much performativeness that comes off as pure performance. When he stops doing that stuff so much, he’s instantly more watchable.

 

• This match is not for me, though both guys are definitely good workers and I am sure that most people reading this would enjoy the proceedings. Azteca comes close with his pop-up tornado DDT, called a DDTJ, but he gets only 2.8. However, he gets trapped up top and caught, then hit with a Blue Thunder Bomb into a Northern Lights into a deadlift vertical suplex. All that only gets 2.85. Puma drags Azteca into position for a 630 Senton Bomb, but Azteca pops up and grabs Puma’s leg and then manages a running uppercut that catches Puma in the gut and knocks him into a seated position up top. Azteca goes up and lands a Victory Roll Bomb for another 2.85.

 

• Azteca goes up to finish Puma, but when he dives, Puma moves. Azteca manages to roll through, but Puma catches him when he charges and overhead belly-to-bellies Azteca into the corner, then lands a leaping stomp and hits a cradle piledriver for another close two count. Misterio is visibly proud of Azteca for kicking out of that one. Puma simply walks over to a neutral corner, loads up, and dropkicks Azteca with a bit of mustard on it, knocking Azteca back into the corner. Puma lines up Azteca and successfully lands a 630 Senton Bomb for three as Rey shakes his head in disappointment. That was a good match if you are an avid fan of certain aspects of AEW house style, probably, and a watchable enough but flawed match if you are me. As Misterio checks on Azteca, Puma walks up and tells Misterio that he put Azteca down tonight and will be doing the same to Misterio at Ultima Lucha Dos. Yeah, yeah, I want to see Misterio put this dude in his place (but actually, I think Puma should win because he’s more likely to stick around for the long haul and could use a big name win).

 

• Puma pats Rey on the back kinda hard as he makes that previous statement. Rey gets up and faces off with him, then yanks him back as he tries to walk away. It’s gettin’ tetchy in here!

 

• Dario Cueto has assembled four workers in the ring – Son of Havoc, Brian Cage, Willie Mack, and Texano – where he makes an address. He hypes Ultima Lucha and compares it to Christmas morning, then mentions that he has invited these four wrestlers to get a version of a Christmas gift from him tonight. These four wrestlers are entered into what he calls the Four a Unique Opportunity Tournament. He grins to himself, holds up four fingers like he’s Tully Blanchard in 1986, and sounds like Vincent Kennedy in the Attitude Era Super Bowl ad when he asks the crowd, GET IT?! What a goofball!

 

• Dario loves repeating the phrase “unique opportunity,” but he won’t say what that opportunity actually is. If you’ll recall, back in season one, he gave Drago a “unique opportunity” for beating Aerostar that ended up being a poisoned chalice – Drago got a title shot, but if he lost it, he was banished from the Temple. I’m sure that this demented Spanish djinn has some nonsenically evil plan ready for these four. Dario suggests that maybe they get a head start on beating the shit out of each other now, and everyone brawls until Cage is the only guy left to rule the ring.

 

• Cage should be in Penta’s spot at Ultima Lucha Dos. Here is another example, as with Sexy Star, is where the rigidity inherent in this sort of season-long (or multi-season arc-focused) storytelling can hamper things. At least Penta is over enough that the crowd is as happy with him wrestling Matanza as they'd be with Cage, unlike Ivelisse being clearly more over than Sexy Star and more deserving of her place in the GotG bout. But Cage came within a whisker of beating Matanza and never fired off his big guns in that match; it seems natural to me that, as he’s one of the most over guys in the Temple along with Penta and he has a built in “never hit you with my best moves” excuse, he also has a great claim for that rematch (and it would be a better match with him in it).

 

• Matt Striker and Vampiro run down the card at Ultima Lucha Dos. I’ve said it before, but as I see them use footage of Cuerno in his den at home, I don’t think they should use interstitial footage that is ostensibly stuff the LU camerapeople aren't privy to for video packages. Striker’s dramatic SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO DIE to promote Cuerno/Muertes recalls for me a 2001 WCW show in which Tony S. exclaimed of a main event brawl as the show closed THEY WON’T STOP UNTIL SOMEBODY IS DEAD. Striker gets the benefit of the doubt for his calls since someone in that match could theoretically be killed off, though. I appreciate that the GotG Match is promoted with a “mystery opponent,” though, since Striker doesn’t know who it is yet, but we’re privy to that doofus Night Claw being handed a medallion a show ago.

 

• Alright, let’s watch the main event together! Rey Fenix wrestles Johnny Mundo (w/Taya Valkyrie) in a match that should be better than the previous one since Mundo will mix some dirty pool heel shit into the bout. Striker calls this a “clash of styles,” and it really isn’t so much, but thankfully it’s not a babyface versus babyface match, or it’d look a lot like the previous match. Striker has named the heel champs the Worldwide Underground, and I feel like I should use their actual name if that’s what they’re getting billed as. I feel like LU should name these trios teams even if they’re fairly short-lived so that I don’t have to, even if Mundo is the epitome of a Barthian concept of the pro wrestling bastard.

 

• Fenix comes out firing before Mundo takes over and uses fists and chokes to keep his opponent trapped. Mundo is an unpleasant person, flicking off the crowd and slapping disrespectfully at Fenix’s head. Fenix returns that last slap tenfold and yells a cuss at Mundo before barging into him at full speed. Mundo turns it around with a standing C-4, then locks on a chinlock that Fenix quickly escapes. This is another matchup that leaves me cold, but I enjoy Mundo playing bully ball with Fenix in a few spots. He hits a spinebuster (!!), for example, which was a way better move than the C-4.

 

• Taya is extremely competent from her spot outside the ring, choking Fenix and holding his head in place so that Mundo can boot it. Vampiro points out her effectiveness on commentary, and I’d say that on what I dub the Vandenberg Index, Taya’s consistently scoring at least an eight or nine out of ten for heel managerial cheating effectiveness [Editor's note: She eventually earned a full ten-out-of-ten for her heel manager cheating work tonight!]. Fenix eventually dives onto both heels at ringside. Striker and/or Vampiro remember a dude from WCW: Striker once again mentions Super Calo as an analog to explain Mundo’s bandana somehow staying on his head even through all the action. On cue, Mundo shortly after loses that bandana back in the ring; Fenix lands kicks and chops and more kicks. He even manages to score a running sunset flip powerbomb, but that only gets two.

 

• As Mundo is laid out, Fenix goes up, but Taya holds his boot so that he can’t launch. Mundo gets up and kicks Fenix in the head, who might as well stop and hold up a sign to the hard camera with the words PRO WRESTLING IS FAKE, YOU MORONS written on it because he “bumps” by flipping backward off the second rope, landing on his feet, and then swaying woozily in place like he’s a dizzied Doink the Clown waiting for the Undertaker to complete a fatality on him in WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game. I want to like you, Fenix, and then you do shit like that. This match went straight downhill when Mundo stopped doing power moves and everyone decided to do flips and shitty strikes and more flips and more shitty strikes.

 

• Let me just tell you how this stupid match ends. Taya slides Mundo’s trios tag belt onto the mat and then leaps onto the apron and distracts ref Marty Elias after Fenix hits Mundo with a Super C-4. Elias misses Mundo recovering and grabbing the title belt, then walloping Fenix with it behind Elias’s back for three. Jack Evans and P.J. Black join Mundo in the ring to celebrate. All four heels stomp out Fenix. Drago and Aerostar attempt a save, but are outnumbered. Ivelisse runs out to attack Taya, and Yo, shut the fuck up, Matt Striker: Striker shouts out the most overrated, and one of the worst, PBP dudes of all time in Joey Styles before yelling CATFIGHT. The babyfaces now have even numbers and eventually turn things around, running the ring by the end of the show.

 

• The run up to Ultima Lucha Dos has somehow felt both rushed and also not eventful enough to get me all that hyped for the card. I’m sure it’ll be good, but I was more interested in the build to the first Ultima Lucha. This show, outside of the seedy backstage interstitial, was particularly bland for the go-home show to the season finale. 2.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[Ramo2653]

Not sure exactly when it occurred but Puma/Ric really wanted to go to WWE at some point (and WWE was open to taking smaller guys around this time) and was trying to get out of his LU contract, since they're TV contracts versus wrestling contracts, they're long but don't have the downside guarantee that a WWE/AEW contract would have. Some of the wrestlers got screwed when trying to get other work outside of the show (Willie Mack is a notable case and it's how he ended up in TNA/AAA after the show ended since he could only work for AAA and anyone they were affiliated with which was TNA at the time).

I want to say Chris de Joseph did an interview during one of the seasons where he kinda crapped on Ric wanting to go the WWE (and the show was built around Puma to an extent from the start) but with the benefit of time, it was the best move for him.

[SirSmUgly]

21 hours ago, Ramo2653 said:

Not sure exactly when it occurred but Puma/Ric really wanted to go to WWE at some point (and WWE was open to taking smaller guys around this time) and was trying to get out of his LU contract, since they're TV contracts versus wrestling contracts, they're long but don't have the downside guarantee that a WWE/AEW contract would have. Some of the wrestlers got screwed when trying to get other work outside of the show (Willie Mack is a notable case and it's how he ended up in TNA/AAA after the show ended since he could only work for AAA and anyone they were affiliated with which was TNA at the time).

I want to say Chris de Joseph did an interview during one of the seasons where he kinda crapped on Ric wanting to go the WWE (and the show was built around Puma to an extent from the start) but with the benefit of time, it was the best move for him.

I think Hernandez got the whole Beat Down Clan pulled from TNA because he went back while he was still under contract to LU, if IP recall correctly. 

Anyway, I have little sympathy for the showrunners because this sort of planning, while ideal for a typical television show, is not going to work with pro wrestlers for that reason - no downside in the contracts. You have to know this going in. I need to read more about LU contracts being somewhat onerous in general, actually. 

EDIT: Speaking of DeJoseph, did he or any of the other showrunners ever explain how things were supposed to end had LU not gotten soft canceled?

Edited September 2 by SirSmUgly

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 24: “Ultima Lucha Dos, Part I” or Alone in the Dark: Act One

• It’s the grandaddy toddler-aged lil’ nephew of ‘em all, Ultima! Lucha! Dos!

 

• Recap: It is very brief and focused solely on the Four a Unique Opportunity Tournament that was hastily booked last week, which will take place tonight.

 

• The Temple is decorated especially for Ultima Lucha Dos, and I wouldn’t mind collecting one or two of these framed posters. After Melissa Santos, Matt Striker, and Vampiro all welcome us to the show, we get right to it with our one-night Four a Unique Opportunity Tournament!

 

• I was hoping that Willie Mack would meet Brian Cage in the finals of this tournament, but alas, they are in a semi-final match tonight. They had a hell of an opener last year, and as I type as much, Dario Cueto steps out of the office, mentions how awesomely violent they were last year against one another, and then decides that he’d like to recapture the magic by making this match Falls Count Anywhere as well. I think this is maybe a mistake because these two brought some serious hate to last year’s proceedings that enhanced the match and is what made it so good. They don't really have that sort of rivalry this year.

 

• Don’t get me wrong! Mack and Cage have excellent chemistry together, and these two wide hosses leaping at one another in betweeen tossing each other around is great. They immediately start throwing bombs back and forth in the ring with exploder suplexes and such, and then the match goes outside, where Cage hip tosses Mack into the wooden bleachers, where he lands with a loud SPLAT.

 

• Cage grabs a trash can, but Mack bats him in the head with the lid, then empties the trash can and hits Cage with a running powerslam onto the can itself. He covers, but only gets two. They fight into the hallway and then into Dario’s office. Black Lotus’s face shows a look of concern; Dario’s visage is practically orgasmic, on the other hand. He seems to like it quite a bit when Cage smashes a framed poster over Mack’s head and Mack blades off the impact of the sugar glass.

 

• Basically, this is a lesser – but still very fun – reprise of last year’s opener between them. Cage chucks a bloodied Mack around ringside; Dario heads back into his office as they move away from it, Black Lotus closing the door behind them. Meanwhile, Mack eats a powerbomb onto a cavalcade of opened chairs, but he kicks out at two, so Cage goes all Raven and grabs a STOP sign. He places it on the floor and looks for a piledriver, but Mack escapes and drops Cage with a Samoan Drop onto the floor, then reels off a standing moonsault for two.

 

• Mack then one-ups Cage w/r/t weapon-based tactics in WCW; he finds an acoustic guitar, strums it, and then hits EL KABONG on that absolute slapnuts Cage. Of course, this only gets two. Mack wanders off to look for more weapons, and are we sure that WCW didn’t get uncancelled because now Mack shows back up with a bunch of **Oklahoma voice** PIÑATAS! PIÑATAS!  PIÑATAS! Oh God, I’m having flashbacks. I’ve broken out into a cold sweat.

 

• Mack opens up one piñata: It has a wrench inside. Where the fuck did they buy that piñata? Cage opens up another piñata: It has small candies inside. Well, I know where they bought that piñata; they got that sucker at a nearby Ralph’s. Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, paper beats rock, and wrench beats small candies. Oh, and Mack beats Cage over the head with the wrench. Mack grabs a couple of generic, non-Miller Lite beers, cracks them together, chugs them, and has his Mack Stunner countered because he took to look to fire it off. Cage bonks Mack with the STOP sign, then tosses him into the railing. This is a dumb match, but again, Cage and Mack are elevating it just by being themselves.

 

• Cage calls for a little table breaking, but Mack bonks Cage in the temple with a toolbox, then grabs a chain from the box and whips Cage with it before locating a couple more beers and successfully hitting a Mack Stunner. Even Striker’s awful Stone Cold Steve Austin imitation over on commentary can’t ruin it.

 

• Instead of going for the cover, Mack lays the prone Cage on a table, then runs up into the stands and cimbs the railing, then leaps off and hits a splash onto Cage, driving them both through the table. Mack bounces away, and when he crawls back to cover, he only gets about 2.8. Cage scrabbles around, grabs a cinderblock, and sets up for another curbstomp through the cinderblock on Mack since it won him their match lats year, but he slips on the beer and Mack wriggles away and schoolboys Cage for a flash three count. I will say this much: LU loves its callbacks because not only did they do the cinderblock spot callback as a finish, but if you’ll recall, Mack beat Cage multiple times leading up to Ultima Lucha Uno with flash pinfalls. It’s appropriate that he hasn’t been able to knock Cage off since then until managing to score another flash pinfall on him for the victory.

 

• This match was complete high-spot garbage elevated by two workers who are a ton of fun and who, at this point, I’ll pretty much watch do anything in the ring because they’re locks to entertain me. From a kayfabe standpoint, if I were Son of Havoc or Texano, I’d be trying to win really quickly in the next match because Cage and Mack beat the shit out of one another. Manage that and don’t pull a Bam Bam Bigelow in the KotR ’93 finals, and either Havoc or Texano will be in with the win!

 

• That other semi-final matchup between Son of Havoc and Texano is next, in fact. Havoc gets some nice support of the crowd, but I don't want to see Havoc or Texano go over Mack (or Cage if he had won, for that matter). Dario’s nutty ass had his techs put up a bunch of bar paraphernalia around the ring because he likes violence, and he steps out of his office once more and justifies all the bar plundah by saying that bikers and cowboys love the shit out of bar fights, so this match is now a Boyle Heights Bar Fight. The prospects of one of these fellas catching a quick fall **Scott Steiner voice** DRASTIC WENT DOWN.

 

• We get a less-good trash brawl version of the previous match with more flips in it because that last part is sorta Havoc’s thing. Since we already had a spot with people busting through the door of Dario’s office, we this time go over to the storage closet behind the commentary desk, where Havoc tosses Texano through the door and then walks out wearing a fireman’s helmet and grasping a fire extinguisher. Striker and/or Vampiro remember a dude from WCW: Striker’s “Firebreaker Chip has made his debut in Lucha Underground” comment is a deep cut. If Havoc is Firebreaker Chip, he’d better hope Texano doesn’t go all Diamond Dallas Page on him and stick him in a front facelock, or this match’ll be over quickly.

 

• Boy, I did not expect to mention various people and incidents from WCW so often in this review. Texano grabs a bottle and hits Havoc in his helmeted head with it; of course, that has no effect, so he kicks Havoc in the hamstring instead. Texano sets up three barstools in the ring, then grabs two regular-ass folding chairs and a metal keg. While Texano redecorates the ring, Striker and Vampiro opine upon the bloodthirsty nature of the animals in this crowd. Finally, he swings a bullrope-wrapped fist at Havoc that lands, but Havoc blocks a second fist and ends up dropkicking Texano right into the keg that is wedged into the corner after a series of corner whip reversals.

 

• Remember those barstools from earlier? In one shot, they are sitting there waiting for whatever spot will occur. In the shot right after that, they are all broken up. What happened to them? And speaking of WCW, is this a shot from a Lucha Underground episode or an episode of 2000/2001 Thunder? That was reminiscent of the post-production work of Fuckin’ Craig Leathers right there. I’m guessing these fake barstools collapsed as soon as Havoc touched them, but he goes ahead and ranas Texano off the top and onto the remnants. LU has overused the movie props tonight. They can get away with it in blits and blurts, but the first two matches have had too much of that stuff both because it’s obvious (hello, fake cinderblock) and because it was inevitable that one of these collapsible weapons would break. I don’t want them to hit each other with real shit, either. But maybe we could have matches other than trash matches that rely on too many props on this show?

 

• Anyway, Havoc backdrops Texano through the bar outside the ring, then stomps him into a bunch of sugar glass bottles for the pinfall victory. This wasn’t anywhere near what I’d call “good” or even "decent," but it was just barely watchable enough, I suppose. It was certainly hurt by being a worse garbage match than the one that came directly before it, however.

 

• Matt Striker and Vampiro run down the rest of the card for Ultima Lucha Dos’s next two nights, and I wonder what makes Pentagón Jr. turn into Pentagón Dark, which I vaguely remember happening from the first time I watched this stuff almost a decade ago. Is he going to lose his match against Matanza, maybe? I don’t think the match’ll be much to write home about, but I’m very interested in seeing the finish and the aftermath. I note two more things here in this rundown. First, Puma/Misterio is promoted even over Penta/Matanza, which is interesting. Second, Striker compares that latter match to these matchups: Steamboat/Savage, Malenko/Guerrero, and Sasuke/Liger. OK, I have two quibbles. First, Malenko/Guerrero? C’mon, man. I get that the best Guerrero feud partner comparison is Misterio and he’s also in the Puma match so you can’t name him, but no. Malenko had better WCW feuds with Syxx and Jericho, and neither of those should be mentioned in this comparison either. I get it, you love WCW Striker, and I do too, but no. Second, he pronounces Sasuke’s name with the “u” sound elongated. Cut that “ooh” sound out, Striker, you sound like a goddam Canadian, bless our unfairly treated neighbors to the north. Look, these are minor points, but you know that I wasn’t going to be able not to write about them, dear reader.

 

• Either Willie Mack or Son of Havoc will earn a UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY if they are able to win the final match of this one-night Four a Unique Opportunity Tournament. Disrespectful-ass Dario steps out of his office once more and says that he had money on Cage/Texano as the finals match, then says that they were both pretty impressive to prove him wrong, but that they need to really impress him by winning this Falls Count Anywhere final.

 

• Havoc and Mack shake hands before proceeding to have a surprisingly short nothing of a match. Mack/Cage should have been the final, like I wrote earlier. Mack opens up with a Pounce (period) and then a corkscrew body press for two. Striker completely forgets the concept of a Falls Count Anywhere match, demonstrating as much by asking Vampiro if either of the men in the ring should angle for a countout or DQ victory. This is what happens when you overload your brain with various pop cultural elements that you mean to eventually reference on PBP; for each new pop culture fact that Striker crams into the ol’ cerebellum, he loses a piece of basic pro wrestling knowledge. He’s sort of like the Kelly Bundy of PBP people in that way.

 

• Mack takes the same bleacher bump he took two matches ago, and would you believe that the crowd doesn’t pop as much for it because they just saw it thirty minutes ago? The final match should have been the only Falls Count Anywhere bout, with the other two matches being bog standard matches. Combine that with Mack/Cage in the final, and Dario popping out to say that the final match needs to be something more than a regular match because it’s for a UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY, and as fate would have it, Cage and Mack had a great opener in a Falls count Anywhere Match last season, and yada yada yada.

 

• I do like a spot in what turns out to be a very sudden and very brief finishing run where Mack gets knees up on a Havoc SSP and then quickly cradles Havoc after Havoc drives his own head into Mack’s knees. That only gets two, but it was a neat spot. I feel that it would be better as an actual pinfall than as a mere near fall, but that’s my only critique of the spot. A minute later, Havoc barely lands another SSP that looks more like a flipping headbutt…and wins. Jesus criminy, LU.  Bad match, semi-questionable booking that might be fully-questionable depending on the post-match angle where Dario reveals the UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY.  

 

• Black Lotus carries two briefcases; Dario goes full-on Monty Hall here (Striker calls it a “Monty Hall moment” about twenty seconds after I wrote that, and I feel chagrined for apparently being so fucking unimaginative) and has Lotus open the first briefcase, which has 250K in presumably unmarked bills. Dario has Lotus open the second briefcase and reveals that it has a LU Championship contract in it, to be redeemed at Ultima Lucha Tres. Havoc obviously takes the contract, which causes Dario to roll his eyes because who wants a stupid belt when you could have money, right fellas? The annoyed Dario then forces Havoc to immediately put up his contract agaist a surprise opponent, who will get the money that Havoc turned down if they win.

 

• Huh, here’s the freshly heel-turned Famous B. at the top of the stairs, and he has a new client who has earned this opportunity. B. says that his new client is already famous and presents Dr. Wagner Jr. (w/Brenda), who is famous enough that I have definitely heard of him even though I don’t watch lucha, so B.’s claim checks out! Fine, sure, jobbing Mack to Wagner would have annoyed me, but I don’t know, I wanted them to elevate Mack or do something more interesting than have Dario fuck over lovable sometimes-loser Havoc. This whole tournament was something of a shaggy dog story, though I suppose it isn’t a textbook one since Wagner gets over by semi-squashing a hurt Havoc. Vampiro has a nice mention on color that when he got back to Mexico from WCW, Wagner was the guy to put him right back out of wrestling with an injury. Anyway, Wagner dodges a desperation SSP and hits a Dr. Driver for three. B. and Brenda scream about being rich before B. checks for Havoc’s heartbeat with a stethoscope.

 

• Mack/Cage was enjoyable, but this was overall an aggressively mediocre hour of television that introduced Dr. Wagner Jr. in a scenario that I felt wasted my time as a viewer. Maybe if I were more invested in Havoc's journey, I’d feel something about him getting close to glory and being screwed. As it is, I didn’t love most of the booking or most of the wrestling. 2 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 25: “Ultima Lucha Dos, Part II” or Alone in the Dark: Act Two

• I sure hope that I enjoy the segundo hour of Ultima Lucha Dos more than I did the primera one. And yes, I know my grammar is all wonked in that previous sentence.

 

• Recap: The Gift of the Gods belt is on the line tonight, as is King Cuerno’s possible continued existence if he can’t survive his Death Match against Mil Muertes.

 

• Melissa Santos, Matt Striker, and Vampiro welcome us to the second of three Ultima Lucha Dos nights. Striker reminds us that Fenix was able to win the Gift of the Gods Match at Ultima Lucha Uno and then cash in successfully (after a few shenanigans, to be sure); will tonight’s winner be able to do so? In contrast, Chavo Guerrero Jr. biffed it after winning a Gift of the Gods Match earlier this year.

 

• In the order of Santos’s introductions, our participants in Lucha Underground’s third Gift of the Gods Match are Daga, Siniestro de la Muerte, Mariposa Martinez, Marty “the Moth” Martinez, Sexy Star, Killshot, and the (debuting in-ring) Night Claw. Night Claw inserts his medallion after making his way down the stairs; everyoen in the ring has already done so.

 

• This is an elimination match, which is nice. Killshot goes right after Marty, who still has the guy’s dogtags. Kobra Moon has made herself a spectator so that she can watch her current love-slash-wanton violence interest Daga up close. Night Claw and Siniestre embark upon an ugly roll-up reversal spot while Mariposa fires up her feud with Sexy Star again and boot chokes Star at ringside. Speaking of Star, Striker points out that she is the only luchador or luchadora in the Temple to have gained entrance to each of the three GotG Matches.

 

• This match isn’t very good, and besides that, a cameraperson goes all Kevin Dunn by shaking the shit out of the camera while Daga hits Siniestre with a cutter. Shortly after, Night Claw eliminates [Elimination #1] Siniestre de la Muerte with a standing C-4. Daga attacks Claw next, landing a nice plancha and clearing the ring. Star gets back in the ring and ends up leaping onto everyone else at ringside, followed by Killshot doing the same amd then also Marty. This is boring as shit. We’re only eight minutes into this show, and I’m already looking for the exit.

 

• Everyone chills out at ringside while Daga tries to earn a submission on the Moth with a couple of moves, but Night Claw eventually jumps back in and breaks that up, then has a sequence with Daga while everyone else, uh, chills out at ringside. Claw eliminates Daga [Elimination #2] with a top-rope rana and a 450, much to Kobra’s lamentations.

 

• Claw then goes up the stairs and walks onto the top of Dario’s office so that he can moonsault onto everyone after they attempt to surreptitiously group up together underneath him. Not that this move, which gets a HOLY SHIT, matters much at all in the long run; Killshot and Marty hop right back up so they can do some more spots in the ring. Mariposa tries to intervene, so Killshot DVDs her on the apron and then hits Marty with a rolling cutter. Killshot stands alone, so Claw gets in the ring and wrestles him...as everyone else chills out at ringside.

 

• I feel as though all I do here is repeat myself, but I do want to say at the risk of doing so once more that Lucha Underground is so much better when it balances out its cards. If you’re watching this event straight through, you got garbage brawl, garbage brawl, garbage brawl, multiman spotfest, and you’re (probably) getting another garbage brawl with Cuerno/Mil. I sure wish the trios tag title match or Taya/Ivelisse had been at the top of this show to break up the monotony of all these specialty matches.

 

• Otherwise, Killshot gets a bit of a push by eliminating newcomer Night Claw [Elimination #3] with a package piledriver, considering that Night Claw was debuting tonight and earned the first two eliminations of the match. Killshot and Star decide to team up against Mariposa and Marty; they dominate. Star even gives Mariposa a Stinkface, which I’m sure Marty was disappointed not to also receive from her.

 

• Star dives onto Marty at ringside while Mariposa and Killshot do a complex spot that ends with Mariposa landing a Canadian Destroyer. Marty disposes of Star at ringside, comes back in the ring, and lands a curb stomp on Killshot, followed by Mariposa hooking Killshot and landing a Butterfly Effect. The two creepy siblings laterally cover Killshot to eliminate him [Elimination #4].

 

• Now Sexy Star must find a way to once again overcome the Martinez siblings. These sibs held Star in captivity for like four straight months at one point, but they can’t put her away here as she does slow, ugly-looking counters to escape double teams. PLEASE JUST LET THIS END. So, right here is where I paused and went back a couple of pages to look at how I formatted something, and I saw zendragon’s posts with Thunder Rosa on Women of Wrestling, and I watched one of the posted matches. The best part of it, though, was that I looked at the sidebar for suggested videos and saw Thunder Rosa on Hey (EW!) which I had always read in my head as HEY, EWWWWW and not HEY-E-W, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I’d never seen this show before, but it’s pretty funny! R.J. City is aping fellow Canadian interviewer Nardwuar’s whole gimmick and mashing it up with Zach Galifianakis’s interviewer character on Between Two Ferns. I watched the Thunder Rosa and Taya Valkyrie episodes and found them to be delightful. They were a welcome reprieve from this neverending GotG match, I’ll tell you that much. So yeah, I’m late to the party on Hey (EW!), but I think that I’m going to pick through the ones with wrestler guests that I like.

 

• Anyway, Marty fires a fist at Star as Mariposa holds her, but Star ducks and Marty knocks his sis clean out. Star deposits Marty to the floor and pins Mariposa [Elimination #5]  to get rid of her; the crowd fires up a KILL THE MOTH chant as these two finally close a feud loop that started back at the end of the first season of this show. Marty tries to leverage his size, but Star epitomizes the message on the front of a John Cena t-shirt and never gives up, eventually forcing the Moth to submit to a cross-arm breaker [Elimination #6]  and winning the Gift of the Gods belt. The match wasn’t any good, and while Star needed to eventually win because she’s been set up to become champion someday from the first episode, since Star’s still not consistently any good, the prospects for the LU Championship in the upcoming season seem dim!

 

• Seedy LAPD police van interstitial: Officers Cortez Castro Reyes and Joey Ryan prepare to send a mic’d up Mister Cisco into the Temple to capture incriminating audio from Dario Cueto.

 

• Striker and Vampiro run down the final five matches that will close out Ultima Lucha Dos on night three, which is when all the narrative-heavy stuff will happen and maybe save this whole Ultima Lucha because it has sucked so far.

 

• King Cuerno meets Mil Muertes (w/Catrina) in a Death Match. Striker reminds us of the only other match of this type to happen without naming who was in it, and I sure don’t remember who was in it. A quick scan doesn’t turn up another straight Death Match (despite all the adjacent matches to this type that have happened), though Striker said somene almost died (in kayfabe, presumably) the last time this match type happened. I’m sure I’m missing something.

 

• Cuerno pulls the Arrow from Hell out of his quiver early on as he dives onto Muertes and knocks the guy back into a cleared set of seats about forty-five seconds in. Cuerno tries again, but Mil gets up and punches him as he dives, then hits him with a TKO outside the ring and tosses him around a bit. Mil gets a bunch of audience members to vacate their seats so that he can toss Cuerno into them. Mil ragdolls Cuerno around the stands.

 

• Desperate, Cuerno fights back and takes as many risks as possible. He hits a crossbody out of the stands and to Mil on the floor, but Muertes is the first one up from that impact, so Cuerno is basically fucked, probably. We get more crowd brawling, this time up the stairs to the bandstand and onto the bandstand itself, where Mil uses a stool that doesn’t instantly collapse when breathed upon to beat down Cuerno. They hit each other with mics and mic stands. The band sticks around and dodges weapon shots; Cuerno eventually hangs from the stage, and Mil stomps his fingers and sends him dropping to the floor.

 

• It's another trash brawl, y’all! It’s the best one since Cage/Mack opened the first night; even so, I am over this show. The match sequencing has been so bad, but I suppose LU might have gotten away with it when each night of Ultima Lucha Dos was originally broadcast across three weeks. Watching it all back to back as one unified show (or watching it over only two days instead of three weeks as I am going to do) exposes how poor the layout of the show is.

 

• Cuerno shoves Catrina out of the way to get a weapon, but Mil gets right back at him for that (and for holding him in a coffin in his den). Trash can shot, trash can shot, etc., etc. Mil tosses Cuerno back in the ring and punches him, then slings him around, but when he goes up, Cuerno catches him up there with a kick and lands a top-rope Frankensteiner, then lariats Muertes to the floor. Vampiro says that he’s never seen a match so violent, and bless him for trying, but he was in one of the nastiest and most violent matches a year ago. I can’t even accept that Ian is speaking and has forgotten what he went through as Vampiro last year. It just comes off as nonsensical hype.

 

• Both guys walk up the stairs and bash each other’s heads through sugar glass window panels before Cuerno takes my favorite bump of the night, rolling all the way back down the stairs to ringside. Muertes picks up a table and sets it up, but Cuerno hops on him and tries to choke him out. He keeps Mil down for a second and crawls slowly back intot he ring, but when he finally makes it to his feet, he turns around and Mil is standing in front of him. I’ll certainly give Cuerno credit for being a strong seller in spots during this bout.

 

• More trashy, more smashy. Mil takes a backdrop onto a ladder, and Cuerno sets up another table and then grabs Catrina, threatening to commit violence against her person. This sparks Mil into action; he tackles Cuerno through the table Cuerno set up, and then he powerbombs Cuerno through three other tables set up around ringside, one at a time. Cuerno doesn’t sell it for all that long because he has to get to his feet and take a shot from a rubber crowbar. This match is way longer than it needs to be, but mercifully, it ends with Muertes landing a Tombstone on Cuerno shortly after. Catrina gives Cuerno the lick for what must be like the fourth time this show. Cuerno does a stretcher job. Rubber weapons and stretcher jobs: Ultima Lucha continues to be WCW as hell.

 

• Striker reminds us of Pentagón Jr.’s victory over Vampiro at Ultima Lucha Uno as we watch footage of that match which far outdid all weapons-based matches on Dos. And “far outdid” is understated. It was truly great. Anyway, Vampiro sits there uncomfortably while Striker talks about that match and Penta’s match against Matanza on night three of Dos. Striker asks Vampiro about distancing himself from that event and then inquires how he feels about Penta’s chances on night three. Vampiro responds by silently pouring the rest of his mental health medication into a trash can while these enabling, blood-thirsty lunatics in the crowd cheer him on. Striker, concerned: “Dude, are you sure you wanna do that?” Maybe you shouldn’t have asked your close friend whom you picked up from the mental health hospital that question about Penta after recounting his previous year’s antics at Ultima Lucha, you dolt. I am kayfabe ready to push Striker into a pit fulla spikes. Vampiro fully displaces Ian Hodgkinson before leaving the desk to prepare his student for one more battle against Matanza.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Mister Cisco is the worst fucking mole ever. He walks into Dario Cueto’s office unannounced as Dario peeks through the blinds to ask, in a high-pitched and nervous voice, if Dario needs anything and that he’s just checking in. THE. WORST. Dario is like Fuck outta here, man. Cisco gulps and says that he and Dario used to be boys (Dario, shocked and disgusted at the association: "Boys?!!") and that he wants in on whatever Dario is up to. This dude Cisco is sweating like an LAPD officer a pig, and to paraphrase Dario's response, he’s pretty much like, Cisco, you dumbass, this is completely out of character behavior from you and I can tell that you’re probably wearing a wire, so lift your shirt up, stupid. Cisco lifts his shirt up. He’s wearing a wire.

 

• Dario tells the cops listening that if they want him, they'd better come and get him before disconnecting the wire. Dario caresses that red ceramic bull that Matanza apparently used to bludgeon their mother to death and asks Cisco: “So, what do they want me for? Murder?” Cisco responds that he doesn’t think so, and Dario picks up the bull and declares, “They do now” before bashing in Cisco’s brains with it. Permadeath Count: 9 (Bael, Konnan, El Dragon Azteca Sr., The Three Nerdsketeers, Trece, Barrio Negro, Mister Cisco).

 

• Breathing heavily and with his hands covered in Cisco’s blood, Dario sits down, picks up his phone, and dials someone. When they pick up, he simply states, “It’s time.” I would like to know what exactly it is time for, dammit!

 

• Other than the (unfortunately minimal) plot stuff, this was another bad show with mediocre wrestling. I do think night three will save the event, but unlike last season, which finished strong from an in-ring standpoint, this season’s in-ring work on the finale shows is headed in reverse, quality-wise. 2 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

[zendragon]

I agree that LU leaned too heavily on the overbooked gimmick matches. I'm also not a fan of movie props as weapons

[SirSmUgly]

9 minutes ago, zendragon said:

I agree that LU leaned too heavily on the overbooked gimmick matches. I'm also not a fan of movie props as weapons

They have some good workers who have a pretty high hit rate in overbooked gimmick matches, to be fair to them. I feel that part of the issue is that they have one big PLE-style show a season, but multiple feuds that crest well before then that call for gimmick matches to blow them off, so there's a consistent flood of them all season, and thus they don't feel as special. 

The movie props can work in very limited use, but when you use them like LU did on night one, it's going to be so noticeable that it just kills suspension of disbelief. 

Edited September 2 by SirSmUgly

[Curt McGirt]

Speaking of movie props, I was unaware that sugar glass was still glass, just more brittle.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 2, Show 26: “Ultima Lucha Dos, Part III” or Alone in the Dark: Act Three

• I wasn’t huge on the card going into Ultima Lucha Dos, but I’m surprised at how little I’ve connected with it over the first two nights. I do foresee a much better third night, and even if the in-ring stuff still doesn’t grab me, I think the plot development that has been set up over the first two nights is full of suspense. I’m sure that the narrative hooks LU lays down for the third season will be quite grabby [Editor's note: Meh on the hooks, which were fewer in number than I'd hoped]!

 

• Recap: Ian Hodgkinson absolutely did not do what his doctor told him to at the beginning of this show; he associated with the people and places that triggered his Vampiro persona and he stopped taking his meds. The specific place that triggered Vampiro included, among many other things we see in this extended recap, multiple murders; Mil Muertes ruling the Temple and then dying and being resurrected (again); and a conspiracy of Aztec gods, one of whom inhabits Dario Cueto’s brother Matanza, coming to earth to wreck up the place while a hodge-podge group of people including Aerostar, El Dragon Azteca Jr., and Rey Misterio Jr. try to figure out exactly how to stop that from happening. So, yeah. I don’t think poor Ian had a chance.

 

• Seedy middle-of-nowhere cave interstitial: Pentagón Jr. bows to his Dark Master Vampiro as Vampiro embarks upon his final preparations for tonight’s match. Vampiro says that Penta claims to have cero miedo, but he sure showed lots of miedo the last time he wrestled Matanza Cueto and got destroyed. Penta, Vampiro claims, must destroy the Penta who has fear by walking into a cave with flickering lights and beating the shit out of weaker representations of himself while people at home who are at risk of seizures quickly turn away from the screen. Vampiro monologues about Vampiro finding the complete darkness inside of him as Penta fights; he suddenly pops behind Penta while wearing one of Penta’s masks and declares that Penta is “still scared.” Penta beats up Vampiro and rips the mask off; Vampiro declares him ready, then tells him to “burn bright like this candle.” He actually holds out a candle to Penta and tells him to extinguish it “so that Pentagón Dark can take [old Penta’s] place.” Penta puts out the flame; the cave is filled with inky blackness. Is Matanza Cueto the one who is absolutely turbofucked for once, dear reader? He just might be!

 

• Vampiro has made it back from the cave to sit next to Matt Striker and commentate on what, if Penta pulls it off, might be one of the finest victories to which a manager has ever led his charge. I mean, if Penta pins or submits an Aztec god tonight, that’s practically like pinning or submitting the Hulkster in 1985.

 

• The opener for the Lucha Underground Trios Tag Team Championships pits the champions of the Worldwide Underground (Johnny Mundo, Jack Evans, and P.J. Black) against the challengers of the Super Friends (Rey Fenix, Drago, and Aerostar) – goddammit, right as I typed this, Striker literally spake the sentence “Lucha Underground’s version of the Super Friends,” and I lamented my own pathetic lack of creativity.

 

• The heels hop in and immediately start cheating by disregarding the whole tag rule while Striker adds some flavor by letting us in that the Lucha Underground refs are sick of the Worldwide Underground making them look incompetent with all the cheating that they’re getting away with. Well, looking incompetent never bothered WCW’s refereeing crew, so when you look at it that way, is it really all that a big deal, LU referees?

 

• I didn’t give you the full effect of how the heels open this match. I remarked that they immediately started cheating. I failed to mention that they also do annoying moves like, for example, Evans aggressively poking Aerostar in the taint and maybe the asshole, based on how Aerostar sells it. Man, you spend a thousand years up in the stars, awaiting your chance to come back down and help keep the mercurial Aztec gods from ravaging the earth, and what do you get but this dork Evans unwantedly poking around at your nether regions. Can you imagine? What an indignity!

 

• Alas, what makes Aerostar such an important figure is his resilience, as he and the rest of the babyfaces recover and prepare a triple dive onto the heels at ringside…when they are stopped by referee Rick Knox, and what the fuck? When has a referee ever stopped a dive because there wasn’t a tag? Fuck right off. If you’re going to get over that the refs are stupid bastards who have never seen a cheating heel that he couldn’t surreptitiously ignore while admonishing the heels, maybe have the ref do something that refs have done in the past, however intermittently. When, ever, has a referee stopped anyone from diving? This doesn’t make me frustrated at the heels nor the referee; it makes me frustrated at the people who laid this match out and couldn’t come up with a more believeable babyface spot in which the referee might actually intervene.

 

• Striker thinks that the “two referee” solution of one on the floor and one in the ring should be once again debated; Vampiro says that’s how it’s done in Mexico City. Larry Z. would be wary of two refs in the ring, but maybe we could convince him, a noted skeptic of the plan, that one on the floor would be okay. Oh yeah, back to this match with the stupid cancelled dive spot with the ref  that ripped me out of it: Fenix gets 2.9 off a nice Frog Splash to Mundo; Mundo turns it around and gets two with a rollup while holding the ropes. Mundo then eats a dead drop splash and a springboard 450 from Fenix; they cover, but Evans yanks the ref from the ring before his hand can contact the mat for the third time. The incensed crowd yells about how much Jack Evans sucks.

 

• The babyfaces chop holy hell out of Mundo, who yells NO OTRA, but who gets OTRA as the crowd chants for it. The ref is still down, by the way, so the heels grab their trios titles to regain control. They rid the ring of the babyfaces except for Fenix, play air guitar on their belts like Hollywood Hogan in 1997, and then hit triple belt shots on Fenix. That guy Fenix loves swaying back and forth on his feet like a Mortal Kombat character waiting patiently for me to finish dialing up all the buttons for the Animality that I wrote on the back of my hand so that I could go to the bowling alley and finally do one on their Mortal Kombat III cabinet. Wait, what were we talking about now?

 

• Oh, yes: The heels toss Knox back into the ring sp he can count, but Mundo’s cover only gets two. An angry Worldwide Underground admonish the ref for his count; Black then boots him in the head. The heels walk back over to Fenix and stomp him in the dick, then hit a back body drop out of a crucifix. They hold up their titles and celebrate over Fenix’s prone body for a bit, then drag Fenix to the corner. This is when Angelico hobbles out on crutches and whacks Mundo in the head with a crutch. Aerostar and Drago suddenly recover and help Fenix out; Drago overshoots a dive on Evans who legitimately tries to catch him in vain. Meanwhile, Angelico wears his crutches out on Mundo’s back; Mundo is sitting on the top rope, complete food for Fenix to grab him and score a Fire Driver for an academic three count from the once-again-revived Rick Knox. This match was watchable enough, I suppose, even with the dumb ref-focused spots. Interesting trivia: Striker notes that Fenix is the first person in the Temple to win all the belts (Lucha Underground Championship, LU Trios Tag Team Championships, Gift of the Gods belt).

 

• Next up, El Dragon Azteca Jr. meets Black Lotus in Lotus’s in-ring debut even though she’s been around since the first season (her debut was in Season One, Show Eight, in fact). Azteca takes a running leap at Lotus at the bell, and Azteca then takes a wild bump as Lotus ducks. Lotus’s style is a little bit of jeet kune do, a little bit of lucha libre. She scores a headscissors and a diving arm drag. Striker, who hasn’t been privy to any of the interstitial stuff, is curious about why these two seem to be going at one another with such intensity; nice touch.

 

• Azteca lands a kick, then tries a dive to the floor that Lotus once again ducks; Azteca rolls through the landing and is really going all out here with the dives and bumps. Lotus wins an enziguri, but when she tries an Irish whip into the railing, Azteca reverses it and Lotus smashes the shit out of herself against the railing. It looked and sounded nasty. Azteca clears some fans out of their seats, but in what is an almost heelish move for the fans in this crowd, he teases a whip of Lotus into the stairs and simply deposits her back in the ring.

 

• Lotus ducks yet another Azteca dive, this time an Azteca springboard, and lands a low dropkick before laterally pressing Azteca for two. She throws a few kicks and a couple of rights, but when she goes to the ropes, she catches a nasty Azteca elbow off the rebound. I didn’t expect much from this match, so I think it’s got a bit of benefit of stepping over the relatively low bar that I set for it, but it’s also a pretty fun match even if I’d had higher expectations for it.

 

• Azteca puts Lotus in fireman’s carry position and dumps her in the corner, then goes up for another dive…that this time is interrupted by Pentagón Dark. Vampiro cackles with glee as Penta knocks Azteca off the top rope and then snaps Lotus’s arm. Azteca tries to climb the ropes again to dive onto Penta, but Penta catches him, looks for the signal from his Dark Master, and gets it; he then snaps Azteca’s arm as well. I feel sort of ripped off. First of all, I enjoyed what we got of the match and wanted to see how it progressed sans interference. Second of all, I wanted something that would lead to resolution of the Lotus killing Azteca Sr. storyline. Instead, I got Penta wiping both of these wrestlers out. That is not what I wanted at all. Man, Ultima Lucha Dos is the most disappointing wrestling event that I’ve watched in quite a while.

 

• After Vampiro introduces Penta’s new persona, Penta grabs the mic, declares that he now has absolutely zero fear, and then reminds us all that Pentagón Jr. beat his Dark Master at Ultima Lucha last year. This gave Pentagón Jr. an unearned confidence that got his ass whipped by Matanza, so Dark Master Vampiro led him to a much darker place (hey, that’s also the official name of the first episode of this season!). Penta declares that Ian Hodgkinson is dead and that Vampiro destroyed him, then says that he has taken a cue from his Dark Master and killed Pentagón Jr. so that he could become Pentagón Dark. He promises to destroy Matanza tonight while Vampiro looks on like a proud papa. Penta cuts the hell out of this promo, I have to say. The crowd has endless amounts of love for both Penta and Vampiro.

 

• Well, here comes the Lucha Underground Championship Match right now! Melissa Santos tells us that Dario Cueto has demanded a winner in this bout; she introduces Penta as he stands in the ring, then introduces defending champion Matanza Cueto (w/certified killer Dario Cueto). Huh. Dario looks pretty calm for a dude who is skirting murder charges and honestly, who might have to flee the Temple again at this rate.

 

• Penta starts the match by hitting a plancha as Matanza stands at ringside. Striker tries to deal with a mercurial Vampiro on commentary and even sighs loudly at one point when Vampiro won’t answer him until he specifically calls Penta “Pentagón Dark” (Vampiro: “Thank you. I don’t ask you for much.”). Meanwhile, Penta chokes Matanza with cables and tosses him around at ringside. A huge chop from Penta seems to wake Matanza up, but Matanza’s wild haymaker hits the post instead of Penta’s melon, and Penta continues his assault with table bashings and chair shots. Penta plays a little air guee-tar with the chair. Striker and/or Vampiro remember a dude from WCW: He’s not really a dude from WCW, primarily, but Striker takes the chance to shout out La Parka at the chair strumming spot, and Parka's a WCW dude to me.

 

• Penta brutalizes Matanza, the latter of whom finally got pressed to the limit against cage and is now taking an absolute beating from Penta outside the ring; Penta just now whipped Matanza into a bunch of chairs at ringside. This match hasn’t even gotten back into the ring. Did I catch DVDVR’s biggest LU fan tromataker in the crowd in one shot, maybe? Finally, Penta rolls Matanzza into the ring as a desperate Dario screams, “Matanza, remember mama! Wake up! Wake up!” Penta sets up for a huge move, runs at Matanza slumped in the corner…and hits a monkey flip that I feel somewhat deflates a crowd that was expecting something more dynamic. Oh, Penta.

 

• Matanza simply hasn’t gotten out of the starting blocks; Penta gets two on a lungblower, then brings a chair back into the ring and wedges it in the corner ropes. Matanza manages to avoid being propelled into it and then tosses Penta face-first into the chair. Penta hurls Matanza backward and then hits a quick standing moonsault/SSP combo for two more. He tries a bridging German, but Penta’s shoulder is up at 0.5. Penta gets right back to his feet and stares down Matanza, who seems irate about Penta not giving a fuck about any of this Matanza offense he just ate.

 

• Matanza absorbs a kick and scores a Finlay-style flipping slam that only gets two. Striker calls it an Irish Car Bomb, which I can tell you is a phrase that Tony S. or Mike Tenay absolutely never uttered on TNT. Penta gets some room by rolling to the floor. Matanza hits the ropes and takes off for a suicide dive, but Penta smacks him in the head with a chair as he starts to dive, then hits the wobbly Matanza with a diving Canadian destroyer from the top rope. Vampiro gets up from the desk with a barbed wire bat and creeps toward the ring, then hands it to Penta as Dario screams for Matanza to arise. Dario leaps into the ring and grabs Penta, who drops the bat and prepares to break Dario’s arm. Matanza grabs the bat, swats Penta in the spine, and quickly hits a Wrath of the Gods to get out of dodge with the gold. This crowd seems mightily displeased!

 

• Vampiro enters the ring to help Penta up, but Penta shoves Vampiro away, probably because Vamp introduced the instrument which cost Penta victory. Penta storms away from Vamp, who did push his luck too far with the bat, in Penta’s defense.

 

• In an amazing shot of the commentary desk, Striker hypes Puma/Misterio while Vampiro despondently takes a bunch of his prescribed anti-psychotics, deciding to lay low as Ian Hodgkinson for the rest of the summer after Vampiro's embarrassing intervention in the previous match.

 

• Taya Valkyrie and Ivelisse Velez have their grudge match next. Ivie rushes Taya, traps her in the corner, and throws strikes at her; when the ref breaks them, Taya tries a boot, but Ivie catches it and lands a dragon screw. Taya works over Ivie while a sullen Vampiro tries to do his job by giving Taya props for being another good athletic prospect out of British Columbia. Taya manages to catch an Ivelisse kick, tripping Ivie and causing her to land face first on the apron.

 

• There’s a brawl outside the ring, but it’s not an obligabrawl because I buy that these two hate one another. Taya controls it and tries to suplex Ivie into some empty ringside seats; Ivie blocks it, so Taya changes tack and DDTs Ivelisse head first into the chair. Taya follows up by landing an intricate series of power moves culminating in a Tiger Driver for—no, wait, I got that wrong. What actually happens is that Taya struts and talks shit, allowing Ivelisse to recover enough to yank her forcefully into a chair and then land a series of kicks on a seated Taya.

 

• There’s an Irish whip spot that ends with Taya shooting Ivie in, and Ivie leaping onto the railing and then into the stands. Some fan helps her balance herself on the railing as she almost slips, and she didn’t ask for help from anybody, dammit, but she takes it anyway and hits a diving crossbody onto Taya on the floor. The women figuratively tango over to the broadcast desk, where Taya smashes Ivie’s head into the table a few times, and then they go back over to those wooden bleachers that people have been smashing into this whole show. Taya smashes Ivelisse into them, then drags her partway up the stairs by her hair.

 

• Once again, Taya takes a lot of time to talk shit and not enough time to hit Ivie with moves, so Ivie is able to grab her by the hair and throw them both off balance; they tumble down the stairs, splatter on the mats at ringside, and climb back into the ring. Taya charges Ivie, who easily dodges her kicks and returns a number of her own, then lands a release German that bends Taya in half. Ivie hits a struggle sunset flip powerbomb, and gets one, two…and in the first genuine surprise (to me, at least) of this whole Ultima Lucha, the lights go out with a crackle, and when they come back on, Catrina kneels in the referee’s place. She hits Ivelisse with a cradle neckbreaker, the lights go out, and the ref is back in place when they come back on; Catrina is standing at the top of the stands holding her mystical stone. That is nice editing because there is zero chance that Catrina changed positions in the time that the lights were out unless a) it was seamlessly done in post-production or b) she actually teleported. Taya picks Ivelisse’s bones with a Northern Lights/double-stomp combo and manages an undeserved victory in what genuinely is my favorite match of Ultima Lucha Dos so far.

 

• The lights go out as Taya celebrates in the ring, and when they come back on, Catrina has physically displaced her and stands in her place, holding a mic. She declares that “death comes for everyone…even you, bitch,” and then she gives Ivelisse the ol’ Lick of Death. I didn’t think anything would come of Ivelisse and Catrina having that little shit-talking aside on the final show before Ultima Lucha Dos anytime soon and think that it was very neat that they did something with that on-again, off-again feud here.

 

• Hype video: In voiceover, the (kayfabe) dearly departed Konnan talks about how awesome Prince Puma is as we see footage of Puma doing awesome feats of professional wrestling against LU wrestlers in the Temple’s ring and also random mooks in a garage somewhere in a working class Los Angeles neighborhood. There is also some video of Puma and Rey Misterio Jr. talking at and tangling with one another over the past couple of weeks of quick build to this bout.

 

• We’ll probably get about twenty to twenty-five minutes of action in this main event match between Prince Puma and Rey Misterio Jr., which I suspected that since it was the main event and not the LU Championship Match meant that Matanza would be retaining even as I thought that this whole Penta Dark transformation meant that Penta would have to go over. I should have gone with my gut and just predicted that Penta would lose based on how the title match was being positioned behind Puma/Misterio instead of letting my head get in the way of writing that prediction out.

 

• Over on commentary, Vampiro talks about empathizing with Puma’s attempt to make a name for himself by beating Misterio because he did the same with the Great Muta early on in his career. I think he lost because Striker asks him how the match turned out, and he talks around the actual result, but he does note that he and Muta grew mutual respect for one another through the experience and even became WCW World Tag Team Champions later on down the road. I mean, that 1999/2000 WCW World Tag Team Champions list has some strange fucking teams in it. Goldberg and the Hitman? David Flair and Crowbar? Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas?! Alex Wright and Elix Skipper?!?! I’m sure there were at least a handful of avid WCW fans who watched this show on its original air date and struggled to remember when the hell Muta and Vamp were ever tag champs together when Vamp mentioned it.

 

• Vampiro also notes that Puma has flipped his color scheme on his mask and tights. Whereas he usually wears orange with black spots, tonight, he’s in black with orange spots. Why yes, Puma is a little bit darker tonight, Vamp, and just as Vampiro notes this, Puma refuses to shake hands with Misterio before the bout. No, wait, he finally acquiesces and shakes hands. They circle one another and basically avoid any real blows while countering into and out of moves. Puma is certainly a good athlete; he backflips out of a headscissors and lands on his feet; he even sticks the landing.

 

• Striker talks about how Rey Misterio Jr. introduced the raw Puma to his old Filthy Animals running buddy Konnan to flavor the backstory here. The lower episode count this season meant that they couldn’t really build a big match like this properly over weeks of television. Ideally, this season would have had thirteen more episodes or the Team of Destiny would have lost the trios tag titles to the Worldwide Underground tonight, lost their rematch because Puma lost his cool at the beginning of the first season, and then started a long build to Puma/Misterio for Ultima Lucha Tres. Obviously, both of those things were not possibilities for practical reasons, but I do think this matchup is sort of hurt by barely having any time to more deeply develop the wrestlers’ motivations and relationships with one another.

 

• Puma scores the first big move by killing a headscissors and popping Rey with a Codebreaker. He stalks Rey and lands a running European uppercut, then forearms Rey in the face as Rey tries to kill an Irish whip. Puma completes the whip, then places Rey in a backbreaker on the rebound and transitions into a rollup for two. I do like some of the subtle character work that Puma is doing; he’s shaking his head and using his hands to indicate that he’s trying to calm down and stay within himself, keep executing his game plan, and not get thrown off by the crowd chanting 6-1-9 or Rey kicking out of the moves that he’s strategically attempting as possible match-winners.

 

• Puma shows off his incredible core strength just like his eternal enemy Johnny Mundo did a few eps back and tumbles over the top rope with Rey in electric chair position into a standing position with Rey still on his back. Rey turns that seated position into a headscissors that slams Puma into the apron, and then Rey takes off and lands a sliding splash to Puma outside the ring. Rey tosses Puma into the ring and follows with a seated splash from the top rope, followed by a springboard crossbody for a close two count.

 

• This is a pretty good match so far. Both men have had nice “look what I can do” exchanges and also some counter-counter-counter sequences, like this one that ends with Rey flipping himself into position and ripping off a spike DDT for two count. Striker mentions future pretend-hardened criminal Dominic remarking earlier that Papa Misterio was in some kind of mood today before this match; meanwhile, Puma blocks a rana and flips Rey up so that he can hit his Northern Lights/vertical suplex combo, though he actually replaces the vertical suplex with a brainbuster this time around. The cover only gets two, and the crowd annoyingly chants THIS IS LUCHA. Yes. Yes it is.

 

• Looking for the deathblow, Puma drags Rey to the corner, then goes up to drop a huge move, but Rey pops up, catches him and sits him down on the top rope. They jostle one another up there; Puma tries a super Razor’s Edge from the top, but Rey wriggles away. There’s a protracted struggle as Puma looks for a super power move off the top and Rey tries to maneuver himself for a rana; Misterio wins out and lands an avalanche poisoned rana that ends up coming off as weak because Puma doesn’t really bump hard for it and actually lands on his feet before flopping backward. For a second, I thought Puma was going to sell it as a block and an amazing athletic feat to land on his feet out of a super move like an avalanche poisoned rana, but no; he sells it just as if he splattered onto the mat and kicks out at two.

 

• Both men offer one another soupbones and slaps as they go at it in the center of the ring. Vampiro: “I like the little bit of aggressive darkness that I’m seeing in Prince Puma, by the way; I just wanna point that out. I see a change. I feel a change.” I do like the idea that good guy Puma has been altered by the entirely fucked up nature of Dario’s Temple. Puma wins the exchange and lands a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Has anyone ever not kicked out of a Blue Thunder Bomb on American television? Maybe in the near-decade since this particular show aired.

 

• Misterio elbows his way out of a fireman’s carry, then dropkicks a charging Puma in place for a 619 that Puma ducks away from. Puma lands a step-up kick that drapes Rey over the middle rope and shows the ultimate disrespect by stealing Rey’s own move and landing a 619. Puma follows with a springboard 450, but only gets about 2.85.

 

• Rey is dead weight as Puma picks him up. Puma hates to do it to him – he shakes his head before he does – but he lands a modified G2S and lazily covers…for 2.8. Puma is passive about dropkicking Rey into the corner as Rey stands, selling that he hates to put down his idol, and I’m sorry, I hate you, Matt Striker because Yo, shut the fuck up, Matt Striker: “An ‘I’m sorry, I love you’ moment right there!” I despise that Michaels/Flair match, and TBH, I sort of hate Shawn Michaels for his nefarious influence on modern pro wrestling at this point.

 

• Striker repeats that phrase as Puma whiffs on a 630 Senton Bomb after taking all that time to do this WWE-style bullshit sentimentality that Puma hadn’t even hinted at feeling before this bout. He hasn’t been conflicted in any of the brief run-up to this match; he’s been determined, maybe a little forceful, and even somewhat cocky, but he hasn’t been conflicted. At least Shawn Michaels was selling a heavy sense of being conflicted in the run-up to that WrestleMania match against Flair. Fuck this match.

 

• Anyway, Rey gets two on a rana and tries another 619, but Puma catches his legs, which is when this match goes from “like a train derailed” to “like a train derailed and landed in a swamp full of hungry alligators who eat half the passengers” after Rey lands a spike headscissors after a complex series of counters and Puma doesn’t sell the blow very much at all because he instead crawls halfway across the ring to put himself in perfect 619 position after the impact. How did we get here with this match? What in the world has happened? Fuck off, Lucha Underground, just get to the finish so I can get some ending plot. Rey lands a 619 and a West Coast Pop for three. I sort of hated that match by the end. Whatever, just feed me more story. I don’t need to see Puma and Rey shake hands or hug or get plaudits from the crowd or any of that shit.

 

• Striker and Vampiro talk us off the broadcast, and I’m expecting Penta to come back out here and attack. Sure enough, as we get an extended shot of the desk, Penta waffles Vamp with the barbed wire bat, superkicks Striker, and grates the skin off of Vamp’s forehead with the bat. The crowd is audibly sad about this break-up in between hooting and hollering at Penta destroying Vamp and gargling his blood, which I get a small kick out of. They love both of these guys. Vampiro taking a beating from Penta at Ultima Lucha should happen every year. Penta gets a mic and casts out Vampiro as his Dark Master; he proclaims himself the new Dark Master. This man cuts another awesome promo in which he says that Vampiro’s blood and shame both feed him before guzzling some more of Vamp’s plasma. We end the season on a bloodied Vampiro laid out in the center of the ring…

 

• Seedy police van interstitial: ….or actually, no, we don’t, as the LAPD has Dario Cueto in their custody. Dario doesn’t seem too pressed about it, though, considering the huge smile on his face as they drive away from the Temple.

 

• Ultima Lucha Dos, both night three and as a whole, basically sucked pretty badly, a disappointing end to a second season that was so good for the bulk of its episodes. Unlike with night one, in which Mack and Cage were able to push a show with three unfortunate matches up to a full two lucha chants in my scoring system, Ivelisse and Taya couldn’t quite drag night three’s four unfortunate matches up to a full two lucha chants. 1.75 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited September 4 by SirSmUgly

[SirSmUgly]

Season Two Recap

Trending Up

• Brian Cage – He flies less and uses power more, and just that little adjustment has elevated him from pure spot monkey to guy who comes off like an elite athlete that can fly through the air, but doesn’t really have to unless he’s showing off or wrestling another monster and needs some extra oomph (as with his match against Matanza Cueto). I genuinely enjoy his work at this point and am excited to watch him every time he walks to the ring.
• Taya Valkyrie – She’s a good bumper and fun shit-talker and enhanced Johnny Mundo’s presentation so much that I’d call her invaluable to him.
• Johnny Mundo – Turning heel and being paired with a cheating, cocky valet (and getting away from Alberto del Sucko) did wonders for him this season.
• Jack Evans – Much like the Moth, Evans manages to be completely unlikeable even to a crowd full of smarks who cheer for heels when they do things that are cool, brutal, or funny.
• Rey Misterio Jr. – Disappointing Ultima Lucha Dos match aside, he’s still the G.O.A.T.

Idling

• Pentagón Jr./ Pentagón Dark– He’s still not much in the ring, but what a presentation and promo guy he is.
• El Dragon Azteca Jr. – He has promise, but I feel that outside of his short run with Misterio and Puma in the Team of Destiny, he hasn’t gotten enough opportunity to bust out as a worker or a character. He was hurt by the limited number of season two episodes and the slow-playing of his feud with Black Lotus.
• Matanza Cueto – I’m surprised to place him here, but he just isn’t good enough at coming off as physically destructive in the ring. The first match against Penta did not come off as the utter destruction that it needed to, and he didn’t really have a notably awesome singles match until he wrestled Mil in Grave(r) Consequences. His only good non-gimmick match was with Cage. If he’s such a monster, he should feel dangerous while stalking Fenix or attacking Penta. He was good, but not nearly as good as I expected him to be.
• Kobra Moon – She’s not particularly good yet, but I like her a ton and appreciate her commitment to her gimmick. I think I’m probably just lenient because she ended up being awesome later on down the road.
• Killshot – He’s (still) not particularly good either, but I’m just placing him here because during season two, he was roughly about as crappy as he was in season one; however, I recall absolutely hating his feud with AR Fox which happens next season, so by the end of season three, I expect to have him trending down from where he was the first two seasons. I think I’m probably just harsh because he ended up continuing to be complete basura later on down the road.

Trending Down

• Joey Ryan – Imagine being a comedy character and yet being so dreadfully unfunny. If you’re Joey Ryan, you don’t have to imagine it. You lived it.
• P.J. Black – Half the time, I forget that he’s the third part of the Worldwide Underground trio. I’d say that he’s the reverse of Penta in that he’s only an in-ring guy with no discernible personality or interesting presentation, but he’s not all that good in-ring and probably is best off being hidden in a trios tag team with two far more interesting workers.
• Sexy Star – And here we go with this final push toward the main event that she simply hasn’t earned at all through her work.
• Texano – I’ve settled upon “meh” for this guy. Did he ever end up in WWE (before their AAA acquisition)? He seems like exactly the guy who WWE would like: Speaks English, competent worker, ultimately another nondescript midcard talent to add to their legion of nondescript midcard talents.
• Daga – …and speaking of nondescript!

Five Matches You Should Watch (season, show, original air date

• Aztec Warfare II (Season Two, Show 9, 23 March 2016)
• Brian Cage vs. Johnny Mundo, Cage Match (Season Two, Show 14, 27 April 2016)
• Mil Muertes vs. Matanza Cueto, Grave(r) Consequences Match (Season Two, Show 16 11 May 2016)
• Brian Cage vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. (Season Two, Show 18, 25 May 2016)
• Matanza Cueto vs. Brian Cage (Season Two, Show 19, 1 June 2016)

Five Seedy Backstage Interstitials or Interviews/Video Packages You Should Watch (season, show, original air date

• Vampiro and Ian Hodgkinson start their season-long feud with one another while Vamp/Ian are being evaluated for release from a mental health hospital; Vamp’s bro Matt Striker is the one to pick him up from his outpatient interview, which pushes the development of their friendship into narrative overdrive (Season Two, Show 1, 27 January 2016)
• Drago and Aerostar have a pretty cool nunchaku battle against Jack Evans and P.J. Black (Season Two, Show 7, 9 March 2016)
• Does Catrina genuinely love Fenix, or does she just want to sap his rebirthing power? This passionate kiss between them reveals absolutely nothing to answer that question, but it was shocking! (Season Two, Show 8, 16 March 2016)
• Officers Reyes and Ryan get caught ransacking Dario Cueto’s office by Cisco, set in motion Cisco’s eventual murder at the hands of Dario (Season Two, Show 18, 25 May 2016)
• Dario Cueto murders Cisco (Season Two, Show 25, 13 July 2016)

Feuds Worth Re-living From Season Two

• Ivelisse Velez vs. Taya Valkyrie
• Johnny Mundo vs. Brian Cage
• Dario Cueto and Councilman Delgado vs. the entire LAPD

Edited September 3 by SirSmUgly

[zendragon]

I was watching some wrestling from the late 50's on youtube and low and behold they did have an extra ref on the floor for a tag match like Gorilla always wanted! I believe in Mexico you have a technico ref and a rudio ref but they are both in the ring at the same time.

[SirSmUgly]

Season 3, Show 1: “Wheel of Misfortune” or Welcome Back to the Meat Circus

• Seedy prison cell interstitial: Of course Dario Cueto is doing pull-ups in his cell while wearing a white beater. I mean, could it be any other way. A cop comes to release him and remarks that he must have friends in high places. Dario: “Oh, you have no idea.”

 

• In my favorite random guest pop-in this show has done, the fucking Honky Tonk Man is playing the cop who goes through Dario’s possessions as he returns them. Absurd. Is this the Memphis, TN PD or the LAPD? Officer Honky (heh heh heh) hands over a money clip, a cell phone, a gold watch, and, of course, a giant key.

 

• As soon as Dario steps through the prison gates, a car pulls up to retrieve him. He enters and hears from Councilman Delgado that the charges are dropped. He also hears from Delgado’s Dark Lord that the next time he has to pull strings for Dario, he’s going to be putting Dario in the dirt. Dario gulps like he’s Vincent Kennedy finding out that the Undertaker kidnapped his dopey daughter.

 

• Matt Striker is glad to be back and is especially pleased to see that Vampiro looks much healthier than he did last season. He seems genuinely happy about it, too. Aw. Vampiro wants to make something extremely clear: “I’m nobody’s master, I’m nobody’s mentor, I want one job, that’s this job right by your side, my brother, that’s it.” Are they really going to just blow off the Vampiro/Penta storyline with that comment? They can’t possibly, can they? They wouldn’t dare, would they?

 

• Dario Cueto is hyped to be back in the Temple. Huh, there seems to be daylight coming through the windows. This is the brightest that I’ve ever seen this accursed Temple. Anyway, Dario’s brother Matanza stands silently in the corner of the ring, holding the Lucha Underground Championship. Dario hypes a big match tonight between Rey Misterio Jr. and…not Matanza, you chumps. Hahaha, you fell for it, you idiotic chumps! No, Misterio will face Pentagón Dark, who tried to break Dario’s arm at Ultima Lucha Dos, but whom Dario refuses to fire because he found it funny when Penta made Vampiro bleed like “a pig” at Ultima Lucha Dos. And Ultima Lucha Uno, for that matter. Dario stares right at Vampiro and oinks like the most annoying shithead pig on earth. If Wilbur had an evil cousin, he would sound like Dario did there. Fern would have let that evil cousin be slaughtered. That's how annoying Dario's oinking is. Vampiro just has to sit there and take it.

 

• Next, Dario addresses the case of the LU Championship. He asserts that Matanza has cleared out practically all his competition in the Temple, and that’s fuckin’ boring, man, so to alleviate said boredom, Dario spent some time in his cell toning his shoulders and thinking up ridiculous new stipulations like he was, well, a Spanish Vincent Kennedy. His big idea, however, is more akin to something that Dusty Rhodes would book: Dario’s Dial of Doom, which is basically a Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal gimmick with wrestler’s names on it rather than gimmick match types. Dario: “So, how’s it work? I spin the wheel, and here’s the deal: The name it lands on gets a title match with my brother.” I love that the writers were like Yeah, we really should directly shout out WCW’s Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal gimmick in the dialogue. Yes, they really should have, and I’m glad that they did. Notably, the wheel only includes the names of wrestlers who have not already lost to Matanza. Since Misterio was pinned by Matanza in Aztec Warfare II, his name has been left off (Season Two, Show Nine).

 

• I kinda hope that this wheel isn’t gimmicked, but it almost certainly is since it lands on Son of Havoc’s name. I guess that Havoc gets the title shot that he lost on the first night of Ultima Lucha Dos (Season Two, Show Twenty-Four), which means that in hindsight, he should have taken the 250K. Hell, it probably doesn't matter; he was probably going to lose to Dr. Wagner Jr. anyway.

 

• Havoc tries to dive and run and alternately to run and dive, but Matanza manages to knock him out of the air multiple times. Matanza does take too long to try a corner charge and posts his own shoulder; meanwhile, Striker compares Matanza to long-reigning champions such as Bruno Sammartino and Joe Louis, which is excellent commentary work because I feel that pro wrestlers should be compared to not only other pro wrestling stars, but also to stars in legitimate sports, and you know what, I guess I feel that Jim Ross had the right idea with all the legitimate athletics comparisons that he loved to share on PBP. That is kind of a hot take, I know.

 

• Though Havoc does his very best, Matanza never feels like he’s in danger. Havoc hits a double stomp and barely gets two in between getting his ass whipped by Matanza. Havoc really only gets any purchase in the match when Matanza charges at him and he can use his maneuverability to escape damage. After one charge, Havoc hooks Matanza for a tornado DDT and holds on when Matanza kills it, turning it into a choke that he uses to maneuver Matanza over the top rop eand to the floor. Havoc breaks, quickly hits an Asai moonsault, and then rolls Matanza back in the ring, where he lands a diving double stomp/standing moonsault combo. That only gets two, but when Matanza powers out of the cover, Havoc smoothly transitions into a cross-arm breaker as he lands, which is a cool little spot.

 

• Matanza is able to lift Havoc through sheer strength, but Havoc releases and catches Matanza in fireman’s carry position. Matanza wriggles out of that and shoves Havoc, who hits the ropes and lands a rebound cutter for about 2.5. This has been an energetic opener and Havoc has been quite a good underdog underneath babyface.

 

• Havoc goes up, but Matanza gets to his feet and catches him with a fist. They fight over control up top, but Havoc is able to knock Matanza to the mat and follow with an SSP…for 2.8, so unlike Cage in his title match with Matanza last season (Season Two, Show Nineteen), Havoc actually did fire off his best possible shot. Havoc tries a springboard move that he rolls through when Matanza dodges, but when he charges at Matanza again, Dario’s baby bro pops Havoc up, catches him, and scores a Wrath of the Gods for three and another successful title defense.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario is sitting at his desk, scribbling on a pad, when the Worldwide Underground busts into his office uninvited. Mundo demands a LU Championship shot now because he’s sick of “d-bag loser(s)” like Son of Havoc getting them. All of Mundo’s buddies helpfully laugh at his unfunny jibes, just like supportive bullies do to support their bully friends. Dario’s like, Shit dude, your name is on the wheel, fuck, didn’t you see that awesome wheel I made? It was so awesome. Just wait until your name comes up, but then Mundo is like, I don’t wanna wait for the wheel to turn over, I just want you to fucking pick me, and then Dario is like, The last time you were in a title match, you lost it, you bum, I saw what happened to you and your trios team at Ultima Lucha Dos, and then Johnny is like, It’s not fair, Angelico cheated us, but don’t worry about him anymore, we handled him after he cheated us. Then the Worldwide Underground laughs about what they did to Angelico. I mean, those are all paraphrases, but that’s the gist.

 

• Seedy flashback interstitial within a seedy backstage interstitial: But maybe you’re wondering exactly how the Worldwide Underground handled Angelico after their losing effort to retain their trios tag titles at Ultima Lucha Dos. If you are, have I got the flashback for you! If you’ll recall, Angelico battered Mundo with both of his crutches, which led straight to Fenix taking advantage and hitting Mundo with a Fire Driver for the win and the trios titles (Season Two, Show Twenty-Six). As Angelico leaves through the exit, which is marked with the word EXIT so that we know exactly in the building where the attack happens, he gets jumped by P.J. Black, Jack Evans, and Taya. They bloody him for Mundo, who gets out of his car and directs them to bring Angelico to him. Angelico tries to fight back, but is subdued by the numbers game; Mundo takes credit for bashing up Angelico’s leg and injuring him in kayfabe because why let a motorcycle get all the heat even if it’s the shoot perpetrator? Mundo, who has really turned up the annoying middle school bully energy this season, welcomes Angelico to SLAMTOWN and calls him a STRINGBEAN and then destroys Angelico’s recently-healed leg by slamming it into his car door a few times.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: That flashback was shown exactly as Mundo told the story to Dario, who finds it hilarious, like a total laff riot. These absolute bastards all share a hearty guffaw over it. Dario is like Hahaha, that is funny as hell, dude, I love your stories, they’re so engaging, but you can still fuck right off with all that title shot begging. Dario then pulls his best Birdman face, or maybe that face that Frank "the Warthog" Reynolds pulls when he's about to fire the dude who couldn't locate a paper jam in the printer, and glares right at Mundo, who resorts to begging for a Gift of the Gods title shot at Sexy Star instead. Dario is annoyed at shit about this desperation, especially from a bunch of losers who lost at Ultima Lucha Dos…except, hey, wait just a second, Dario realizes, he can have some fun and create some discord between these annoying-ass chumps because Taya actually managed to beat Ivelisse at Ultima Lucha Dos (with a little assist from Catrina, but never-you-mind about that). Dario says that coffee is for closers…er, I mean that Gift of the Gods title shots are for winners at Ultima Lucha…and then books Taya versus Sexy Star in a GotG title match. This doesn’t please anyone but Taya; she and the men of the Worldwide Underground file out and of course don’t close the door until Dario yells at Jack Evans to do so.

 

• Speaking of Ivelisse, she is in the ring to complain about Catrina directly causing her to go zero-and-two at Ultima Lucha so far. Oh yeah, Catrina hit Ivie in the head with her mystical stone and directly led to the Disciples of Death pinning Ivie for the trios tag titles at Ultima Lucha Uno (Season One, Show Thirty-Eight). Ivie wants to address this longstanding simmering hatred that she and Catrina share for one another and also maybe finally get a win at Ultima Lucha someday, so she challenges Catrina to a match at Ultima Lucha Tres. Catrina blit-blorts into the arena and responds with a simple “Bring it on, bitch.” OK, Ivelisse is going to spend a whole season trying to dodge Catrina’s mystical attacks and attempting to survive what will almost certainly be an onslaught of Catrina’s consistent spirit world bullshit. And this season is forty episodes long, too! Good luck, Ivie!

 

• Taya Valkyrie next takes her shot at the Gift of the Gods belt held by Sexy Star. Striker contextualizes this match by reminding us that Fenix defended his Gift of the Gods belt against King Cuerno after winning it at Ultima Lucha and promptly lost it (Season Two, Show One) to add a bit of suspense to the proceedings. We start the bout with a Greco-Roman knuckle lock, which is a great choice. Taya is taller and makes Star work out of it, but Star pushes back up to standing and then It’s Product Placement Time!: Was the From Dusk ‘til Dawn TV show any good? A couple of the actors in the show are in the crowd, and Striker goes off about the show and Robert Rodriguez. This is more like promotional placement, but we’ll leave it like that. Anyway, Star wins an arm drag and then both women have a standoff.

 

• Vampiro educates Striker on his British workers, explaining that Johnny Smith is not Johnny Saint and discussing how these ladies currently remind him of Dynamite/Sayama because Vampiro’s point of reference for wrestling is eclectic and vast, which I think is an underratedly cool thing about having him on color. Obviously, Vampiro chased Japanese wrestling tapes when he was younger, but did Stampede Wrestling get aired as far east as Ontario? Would he have also seen Smith wrestle in Stampede on television along with seeing him on All Japan tapes? Canadians who are old enough to have lived through it, get in here and tell me more about what regional Canadian promotions you got on your televisions in the 1970s and 1980s.

 

• While Vampiro serves up some pro wrestling knowledge for Striker, Star slaps the shit out of Taya for disrespecting her. Taya slaps back, and Vampiro is distracted because this exchange makes him remember his mom slapping the shit out of him for coming home past curfew, which maybe is less fun than remembering some random British wrestler to those of you who are disturbed by light corporal punishment, but which I admit made me knowingly chuckle along with him. Vamp next has to explain what Taya’s nickname in Spanish means for a curious Striker. I already know what it means because I heard Taya herself translate it as both “crazy white girl” and “crazy blonde.” Vampiro uses that second definition, and Striker makes me laugh when he says, “Oh yeah, I know one of those. **quietly** My mom.” All these wrestler dudes just have mommy issues, huh? We have a pair of regular Buff Bagwells sitting at this desk, don’t we? Seriously, I stopped chuckling, then thought of Striker’s response again and started right back up.

 

• This match is perfectly decent, but the commentary has put things over the top for me. Taya lazily covers after scoring running double knees, but she’s way too cocky and loses control; Star hits a running seated senton on Taya out on the floor, rolls her back in the ring, and covers for two. Star hits the ropes and tries a crossbody, but Taya catches her, smirks, and lands a fallaway slam. The rest of the Worldwide Underground walks out here to run a distraction, but when Mundo tries to hold Star in place for another Taya running knee strike, Star moves. Taya knees Mundo, and Star quickly small packages the disoriented Taya for three. I’m not even going to tell Striker to shut the fuck up after he says, “Johnny gets a face fulla Taya, and while that might [normally] be a good thing, tonight it is not.” You know why I’m not running that STFU Striker segment here? Because what happened was that Vampiro inadvertently dug up Striker’s mommy issues, and now Striker is on tilt and saying wild shit about the ladies at the desk again. I want a recurring segment in which Vampiro and Striker go to group counseling together. The show that has that theoretical segment on it gets an automatic ten out of five LU-CHA chants.

 

• After the match, the frustrated Worldwide Underground beats up Star until all three of the Super Friends rush the ring and make the save. I was wondering where Star’s buddy Willie Mack was, to be quite honest.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Dario Cueto talks to someone on the phone about his (generally chill, according to him) prison experience. He is interrupted by Marty “the Moth” Martinez, who of course enters the office and then knocks. What an asshole. The Moth had his rich parents send a present to Dario in the clink. Dario says that he appreciates it, but says that he’s innocent (he’s not) and that he doesn’t want anyone in the Temple talking about what he calls his “unfortunate vacation” (too bad, you know that shit is getting brought up again).

 

• The Moth is fine with Dario's request and pivots to what he really wants to discuss. He then acts like Hernandez holding a beer can in that he puts something that shouldn’t be touching the fine mahogany of Dario’s desktop right onto the fine mahogany of Dario’s desktop – his scuzzy-ass boots. Is this man some type of animal? I mean, some type of animal besides a moth? Marty is ready to conquer the Temple, but Dario isn’t impressed with him. Dario wants to know if Marty is ready for war before nodding to Killshot’s dogtags that Marty still wears around his neck. Marty declares himself done with Killshot, but as Dario notes, “Killshot’s not done with [Marty].” Dario then informs Marty that Killshot has been by to talk to him earlier, and he has agreed to give Killshot a chance to regain those dogtags from Marty once and for all in a – hahahahahaha – Weapons of Mass Destruction Match. Does that mean that the weapons won’t actually be there, but Dario will claim that they are and that we should keep looking? Maybe Dario did have the weapons, but he used them on the Kurds instead of placing them at ringside. OK, I’ll stop. I’m sorry. But look, Lucha Underground’s writers put it on a tee! What do you want me to do, not swing at it? The Moth seems pretty stoked about the possibility of extreme violence in that match, and I know Dario is…though Dario’s excitement is dulled by the fact that this lunatic Marty has a genuine laughing fit in front of him. To quote Hank Hill, that boy ain’t right.

 

• Can Rey Misterio Jr. lead Pentagón Dark to something good? If anyone can, it’s Misterio. Vampiro should probably take a powder because he gets mad when Striker recounts the events of Penta’s night at Ultima Lucha Dos. Vamp expresses his anger to his PBP partner, but what do you want Striker to do, man? The guy has a job to do. Rey outruns Penta to start, who gets mad and chatters at the ref. Rey tries to keep things up with an Irish whip, but Penta blocks it and tosses Rey around. He hits a double-stomp and what I think is supposed to be a legdrop or knee combo after the stomp, but he loses his footing. That move only gets two.

 

• Penta lands his signature Shhhh! Slap, then manages a pair of Sling Blades for two. He maintains control by landing a superkick, then takes quite a bit of time to capitalize. They end up climbing the ropes together for some reason that doesn’t land with me because it’s clear that they’re just up there so that Misterio can hit a super rana for two.

 

• Maybe it’s just that Penta is so without in-ring substance that no one can have a straight up one-on-one match with him much better than decent. It took Vampiro, blood, thumbtacks, and actual fire to pull off the only match that Penta's had in LU worth rewatching. This match is okay, but it definitely feels like a collection of spots. Almost every Penta match feels like a collection of spots. Some of the spots are sort of ugly, and some of the spots are very good, like Rey’s Tornado DDT on the floor. Vampiro remembers making the same error as Penta and paying for it in the same exact way on the floor.

 

• Anyway, Rey hits a dead drop splash back in the ring for only two, and then Penta hits a package piledriver for only two, and then Penta tries something out of a half-nelson, but gets shoved into 619 position and has to dive out of the way and then land another superkick. Penta next tries a Codebreaker, but that only earns 2.7. Penta glares right at Vampiro, and Vamp mutters “Shit” as Penta walks over to yap at him. That is enough for Vampiro to get up and leave the desk, which I totally support as Vamp’s mental health is fragile and he needs to protect it. Meanwhile, Rey takes advantage of Penta being distracted by Vampiro's presence and lands a 619 and a diving Canadian Destroyer for three in a match that happened, that existed, that was as fleeting in the memory as the early fog is before the start of a warm, sunny morning. Rey celebrates, but Penta leaps up, backjumps him, and prepares to break Rey’s arm until El Dragon Azteca Jr. makes a late save. Azteca, if you’ll recall, had his arm snapped by Penta at Ultima Lucha Dos, and are we ever going to get any resolution to Azteca Jr. and Black Lotus’s issue with who really killed Azteca Sr.? I was genuinely into that storyline.

 

• Seedy backstage interstitial: Prince Puma, who spent the early part of season two brooding over his Ultima Lucha Uno loss to Mil Muertes, is currently spending the early part of season three brooding over his Ultima Lucha Dos loss to Rey Misterio Jr. Then, oh come on, Vampiro walks up and commiserates with Puma, for two reasons IMO. First, he doesn’t like Konnan and would love to mentor Puma way more effectively than Konnan ever did, and second, he needs someone good to strike back against the darkness that he fostered in Penta. This is a totally selfish move, Vampiro. Dammit. Puma is smart enough to refuse mentorship from Vampiro, who sits down and offers up a bunch of advice that Puma didn’t ask for. He says that when Mil beat Puma, he not only literally took Konnan away from Puma, but also sent Puma down an errant path. Vamp suggests that to get back on track, Puma needs to beat Mil and exorcise that particular metaphorical demon.

 

• Puma, wisely mistrustful unlike your typical dumb, Black Lotus-style babyface, snorts and says that he’s surprised that Vampiro didn’t try to sell him on taking out Penta for him. Vampiro: “Hey brother, this ain’t about me. This is all about you.” **Ron Burgundy voice** I don’t believe you. Vamp leaves Puma contemplating what he’s said to end the show.

 

• Though the opener had a surprising energy to it, generally, the interstitials and character work and commentary all outstripped the wrestling. In other words, it was a typical episode of Lucha Underground. 3.5 LU-CHA chants out of 5.

Edited September 4 by SirSmUgly

[tbarrie]

1 hour ago, SirSmUgly said:

• Vampiro educates Striker on his British workers, explaining that Johnny Smith is not Johnny Saint and discussing how these ladies currently remind him of Dynamite/Sayama because Vampiro’s point of reference for wrestling is eclectic and vast, which I think is an underratedly cool thing about having him on color. Obviously, Vampiro chased Japanese wrestling tapes when he was younger, but did Stampede Wrestling get aired as far east as Ontario? Would he have also seen Smith wrestle in Stampede on television along with seeing him on All Japan tapes? Canadians who are old enough to have lived through it, get in here and tell me more about what regional Canadian promotions you got on your televisions in the 1970s and 1980s.

Stampede definitely had nationwide TV on TSN in the late '80s. I don't know how far back that went, though.

[Ramo2653]

On 9/2/2025 at 12:10 PM, SirSmUgly said:

I think Hernandez got the whole Beat Down Clan pulled from TNA because he went back while he was still under contract to LU, if IP recall correctly. 

Anyway, I have little sympathy for the showrunners because this sort of planning, while ideal for a typical television show, is not going to work with pro wrestlers for that reason - no downside in the contracts. You have to know this going in. I need to read more about LU contracts being somewhat onerous in general, actually. 

EDIT: Speaking of DeJoseph, did he or any of the other showrunners ever explain how things were supposed to end had LU not gotten soft canceled?

Yeah, they got pulled from TNA TV around that time. Hernandez did eventually come back to TNA and had a decent run.

I don't recall DeJoseph talk about that the long term plans were, but they might not have had it all planned out since getting wrestlers might have been tricky. Also I assume after the first batch of folks got caught in those long term contracts other wrestlers may have been hesitant.

From your other posts: WWE did not sign Texano Jr. I think he's a little smaller than you'd think? And he's a power and brawling guy so he would need some size to stand out in WWE. I'd say that WWE did pick up better guys from Mexico during/post LU with Andrade, Cuerno/Santos Escobar (who checks off the good English, good look boxes, Mascara Dorada and Angel Garza Jr and Humberto. And Rey came back.

On the cultural end with Taya, guera/wera is slang for blonde for fair skinned and or blonde and I've heard it used for both. I have a very pale brunette Mexican friend and her family referrers to her as guera all the time and the Wisconsin winters do her no favors. We of course know the loca part of Taya nickname.