SECRET SATAN 2024

[RIPPA]

SPEAK NO EVIL (Christian Tafdrup, 2022)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES : METACRITIC

SELECTED BY @J.T.

REVIEWED BY LAWFUL JR

Speak No Evil is a film in which this charismatic, confident, and psychopathic couple (Patrick and Karin) finds the weakest, most spineless, most pathetic pushovers in the world (Bjorn and Louise) and horrifically tortures them over the course of a few days through the weaponization of social norms and anxieties

This film is a great example of social anxiety horror, as that is quite literally all the film is.  Every single moment of the film except for the last ten minutes is dedicated to this concept, the very beginning is Patrick asking Bjorn if he’s using the sunbed next to him and despite the fact he very clearly is and has to take off all of his belongings off of it he tells Patrick “No” and gives it to Patrick, this is the last time he says “No” to Patrick for the whole rest of the movie until the last ten minutes.

Speak no evil is the very mantra Bjorn and Louise subconsciously follow; Never say no to kindness, never question confidence, treat others how you would like to be treated. The evil that they cannot speak is breaking these unsaid rules, that they are terrified of breaking. However, Patrick and Karin on the other hand are actually constantly breaking these rules, constantly putting Bjorn and Louise in extremely uncomfortable positions but doing so with extreme confidence, Bjorn and Louise can’t question that.

This is also exactly why Patrick and Karin cut the tongues off the children they abduct as children have no such fears of these social norms, so in order to stop them from speaking “evil” or to speak out about their situation, they literally cut their tongues.

The last ten minutes of the film climaxes with Bjorn and Louise finally speaking “evil” with them finally telling Patrick and Karin “No” but by then it was too late, too deep inside the hole that they helped dig for themselves and were guided into.

While all of this is extremely effective at getting the audience uncomfortable and scared, and it is a truly grueling viewing experience (In a good way) with the acting, score, and cinematography all perfectly complimenting each other and the uneasiness that emanates from this film and very concept it’s about. The social anxiety horror aspect of it is all it brings to the table though, like I said at the beginning Bjorn and Louise are pathetic and had no survival instinct whatsoever and I would feel more sympathy for them if they weren’t completely spineless pushovers that let Patrick and Karin not just walk all of over them but virtually let them stomp them to death. The film’s basically just 100 minutes of social torture followed up by ten minutes of actual torture, I will never rewatch this, it’s essentially just torture porn. The child abuse was also very gratuitous and didn’t serve the film’s plot enough for just how awful it was in my opinion.

2.5/5

EDITOR'S NOTE

This was the movie that was hinting out as being a recent release with a dreamy X-Man in it. I believe @Andrew POE! reviewed it either in the Movie thread or the Horror Thread

I also believe this is the second year in a row that JT has corrupted Lawful Jr

[Andrew POE!]

I reviewed Speak No Evil (2024) in the movie thread. Most of my review was spent comparing it to Michael Haneke's Funny Games although the movie wasn't as good as Haneke's movies. But yeah the main characters were pushovers. It's still pretty great for a Blumhouse horror movie though.

[Lawful Metal]

1 hour ago, RIPPA said:

SPEAK NO EVIL (Christian Tafdrup, 2022)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES : METACRITIC

SELECTED BY @J.T.

REVIEWED BY LAWFUL JR

Speak No Evil is a film in which this charismatic, confident, and psychopathic couple (Patrick and Karin) finds the weakest, most spineless, most pathetic pushovers in the world (Bjorn and Louise) and horrifically tortures them over the course of a few days through the weaponization of social norms and anxieties

This film is a great example of social anxiety horror, as that is quite literally all the film is.  Every single moment of the film except for the last ten minutes is dedicated to this concept, the very beginning is Patrick asking Bjorn if he’s using the sunbed next to him and despite the fact he very clearly is and has to take off all of his belongings off of it he tells Patrick “No” and gives it to Patrick, this is the last time he says “No” to Patrick for the whole rest of the movie until the last ten minutes.

Speak no evil is the very mantra Bjorn and Louise subconsciously follow; Never say no to kindness, never question confidence, treat others how you would like to be treated. The evil that they cannot speak is breaking these unsaid rules, that they are terrified of breaking. However, Patrick and Karin on the other hand are actually constantly breaking these rules, constantly putting Bjorn and Louise in extremely uncomfortable positions but doing so with extreme confidence, Bjorn and Louise can’t question that.

This is also exactly why Patrick and Karin cut the tongues off the children they abduct as children have no such fears of these social norms, so in order to stop them from speaking “evil” or to speak out about their situation, they literally cut their tongues.

The last ten minutes of the film climaxes with Bjorn and Louise finally speaking “evil” with them finally telling Patrick and Karin “No” but by then it was too late, too deep inside the hole that they helped dig for themselves and were guided into.

While all of this is extremely effective at getting the audience uncomfortable and scared, and it is a truly grueling viewing experience (In a good way) with the acting, score, and cinematography all perfectly complimenting each other and the uneasiness that emanates from this film and very concept it’s about. The social anxiety horror aspect of it is all it brings to the table though, like I said at the beginning Bjorn and Louise are pathetic and had no survival instinct whatsoever and I would feel more sympathy for them if they weren’t completely spineless pushovers that let Patrick and Karin not just walk all of over them but virtually let them stomp them to death. The film’s basically just 100 minutes of social torture followed up by ten minutes of actual torture, I will never rewatch this, it’s essentially just torture porn. The child abuse was also very gratuitous and didn’t serve the film’s plot enough for just how awful it was in my opinion.

2.5/5

EDITOR'S NOTE

This was the movie that was hinting out as being a recent release with a dreamy X-Man in it. I believe @Andrew POE! reviewed it either in the Movie thread or the Horror Thread

I also believe this is the second year in a row that JT has corrupted Lawful Jr

He can’t keep getting away with this! Why doesn’t anyone think about the children?!

[No Point Stance]

Nice! I was thinking about watching Speak No Evil this year myself but it fell by the wayside. Definitely something I want to check out soon though.

[RIPPA]

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT (Ernest R Dickerson, 1995)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES

SELECTED BY @twiztor

I'm going to toss out the first movie i was planning on watching, though i'm surprised to not see it on the list already. I've been on a small Tales from the Crypt watch lately, so my choice is the first movie: "Demon Knight" (1995). I love the blend of comedy and horror themes. Plus the soundtrack is a banger!

it can be rented from YouTube, AppleTV, or Amazon. Also maybe available on Starz? (i don't know how that one works).

REVIEWED BY @Andrew POE!

Rather interesting Evil Dead re-tread but with Jada Pinkett as the hero and a campy but hilarious Billy Zane as "The Collector." Brayker (William Sadler) is the hero for over 90% of the movie.....it would have been wild if this had become a full series with Jada Pinkett serving as Ash Williams of the series and hunting/killing demons with a vial of blood killing them.

But oh well.

Lots of gross out scenes like the sheriff getting punched straight through his head! CCH Pounder loses her arm so....someone give her a hand.

Willy had the best fantasy out of all of them with topless women including Traci Bingham and Chasey Lain everywhere (it's 1995, it's forgivable).

Honestly, there isn't a lot of technical aspects to praise but I did like how they did the practical effects when "The Collector" summoned demons. It looked like a combination of soap, bleach, and a couple of other things. Also, the gruesome deaths of various characters were done pretty well - with "The Collector"'s death being especially over the top.

It's rather a shame Ernest Dickerson hasn't done more mainstream work, although he did do Juice, Bones with Snoop Dogg and Never Die Alone with DMX. He seems to have mostly done one-off TV show episodes since then. I would love to see him do more horror feature films (he would do great with A24 or Neon for one of their horror films).

[Curt McGirt]

Ernest did more than few episodes of The Wire.

Demon Knight is a huge fave and the soundtrack is sick. One of the only good Pantera songs, Melvins playing thrash, and... GRAVEDIGGAZ.

[Lawful Metal]

Gravediggaz for life!

Edited November 9, 2024 by Lawful Metal

[RIPPA]

BONUS REVIEW: SALEM'S LOT (Gary Dauberman, 2024)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES

REVIEWED BY @Lawful Metal

I remember reading Salem's Lot late 80s early 90s probably my third or fourth Stephen King book of course my favorite was the Tommyknockers which King apparently doesn't remember even writing and has more or less disavowed but it was my favorite and I even liked the TV movie with Jimmy Smits and Traci Lords and who knows what else and I know it doesn't make any sense but I still love love loved that book and will die defending it and I even liked Dreamcatcher so maybe I shouldn't be the best judge of King stuff but I remember really loving the book and the whole concept of it feeling good to be bit by the vampire was of course enticing to young goth Lawful because wouldn't it be fun to be a vampire I mean in the Kingverse probably not but maybe the whole getting bit thing is fine at least and I don't know so I came in pre-disposed to absolutely love this and this is what I get.

It looks pretty cool and I liked the eyeshine on the vampires and it's obvious they took great care to compose some shots like the one of the boys walking in the woods and the guy snatching and I was watching with my Lawful Wife and hey did they age these kids down to like elementary school age because I swear in the book I ready 40 or 30 years ago that they were teenagers but shit those are little little kids and yeah Lawful Wife tapped out after the sacrifice of the first kid and Euron Greyjoy looking like he's either wacking it or about to while we're hearing squelching sounds from the kid getting ate and so I watched here and there and holy shit they picked the perfect town to do this shit since at any given time there's only 30 minutes to sundown and these people are like the dumbest or the smartest or like the Teacher dude knows all the vampire lore and stuff but the rules keep changing and there's just nonstop crazy shit happening and like the cross stuff works or doesn't work and the invite you in don't invite you in stuff works or doesn't work (Like wtf all the vampire kids are trapping Mark in the treehouse but can't get in because they can't get invited but they got into his house without invitation and ate his parents and the priest and like that was two seconds ago why can't they just get into the treehouse which isn't a tree or a house and certainly not a viable habitat) and like Teacher dude and Mark who is a certifiable sociopath are just breaking in to shit willy nilly and holy shit I swear to god that little 8 year old Mark has a double digit body count and holy shit is that Marilyn Manson as the main vampire what the fuck that's some shit character design which of course was a great part of the original miniseries and Bill Pullman's son fucking sucks and so does his girlfriend and yeah, the town goes from everything's a-ok we'll bury these two boys to WTF literally every person in the town is a vampire and by the way you're the last people alive and it's 30 minutes to sundown so yeah, pretty fucking lame.

Negative million billion stars.

[RIPPA]

BONUS REVIEWS by @No Point Stance

A Monstrous Corpse AKA Goesi AKA Strange Dead Bodies (South Korea, 1980) Dir: Beom-gu Kang

I like Asian horror cinema. I like Italian zombie flicks . And this right here is actually a pretty slavish remake of one specific Italian zombie flick (or rather, a Spanish film utilising a lot of Italian talent), Jorge Grau’s 1974 Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (AKA The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue, Don’t Open the Window and a plethora of other titles). Basically, a lady motorist en route to her childhood home in an idyllic rural setting picks up a stranded guy who’s visiting the area for the first time and together they encounter a nascent zombie plague caused by an experimental agricultural program. If you’ve seen Grau’s film you know the rest; this film is a scene-for-scene, beat-for-beat rehash of that one, only deviating slightly toward the end. It is nonetheless an interesting curio.

According to the IMDB director-cinematographer Beom-gu Kang had been making movies since the late 1950s. He returned to the genre four years after this film with Grudge of the Snake Woman, which is best known as making up some of the footage in notorious cut-and-paste Hong Kong filmmaker Godfrey Ho’s 1988 Scorpion Thunderbolt. He also co-directed Tower of Death / Game of Death II, which starred legendary Korean screen martial artist Hwang Jang Lee.

Star Ok-hwan Hwang  subsequently had a pretty cool run of work in Hong Kong as Pauline Yuk-Wan Wong, with a resume that includes at least two Jackie Chan flicks and the fourth Mr. Vampire movie.

A Monstrous Corpse, while not being a great film – or even an original film in its own right – is certainly worth a look. A warning to the curious, though, as the somewhat faded print on YouTube has a slight reddish-sepia tint and is a little dark. There are some abrupt edits during horrific moments that hint at censorship.

 

31 (USA, 2016) Dir: Rob Zombie
Starring: Rob Zombie’s wife

Christ, this was dogshit. Now, I’ll watch anything, and I’ll largely enjoy anything on its own merits; Ed Wood, Andy Milligan, H.G. Lewis, Nathan Schiff, whatever, but this was just pitiful. Shitty potty mouth characters telling shitty potty mouth jokes that RZ clearly thinks are hi-lar-i-ous…. It tries so hard to be ‘brutal’ but it’s impossible to care about anyone, so nothing has any power or impact. It also looks cheap as fuck, poorly lit and poorly shot. The 1976 setting has absolutely zero bearing on the plot or look of the film.

The lazy, wafer-thin plot has some unlikeable dicks locked up in some sort of cheaply-realised fairground warehouse with an episodic series of pathetic bad guy Running Man characters pursuing them. Literally nothing here is new or fun or interesting. The only saving grace is the effort put in by villainous Richard Brake, but he’s too good for the material and the look of his character (a cheap Joker knockoff) does him no favours.

It's far from iconoclastic to slate RZ as a filmmaker; he’s been widely criticised for his output for almost as long as he’s being making movies, but goddamn does he earn the scorn he receives. I actually really like his first two films but whatever spark was there has seemingly been lost in a doom spiral of diminishing returns ever since. He’s the Tony Khan of horror movies now, hopelessly misguided and possessed of a gravely misplaced confidence in his own judgement and abilities. He relies on the kind of dialogue that would embarrass a 15 year-old edgelord, can’t evoke tension worth a shit and never seems to learn anything from his failures.

Looks like this was some kind of GoFundMe production. Jesus. If I’d crowdfunded this I’d want my money back and then some for my disappointment. 31 is relentlessly tiresome, and somehow even lamer than his violation of John Carpenter’s work.

Witless wank

[Curt McGirt]

My only question is how much of it stars "Rob Zombie's wife" or "Rob Zombie's wife's ass". 

By the way Rob... she doesn't have a great ass. She got a flat 'ol white girl ass. Now, ass is ass, but it's not special enough to show up that often. 

[Lawful Metal]

I really liked the Lords of Salem. 

I kinda hated everything else.  I guess I enjoyed the Devil's Rejects the first time around, but in retrospect all I can think about is all the stupid parts I hated.  I have no interest in watching it again.  The rest are really various levels of total shit.

[RIPPA]

THE BLOB (Chuck Russell, 1988)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES

SELECTED BY @Lawful Metal

I've always been terrified of the concept ever since reading The Raft by Stephen King way back when.

Starring Kevin Dillon and Shawnee Smith, it has amazing practical effects, it's co-written by Frank Darabont, and it has a subversive script for a remake of a 1956 Steve McQueen movie.  For a shitty 80s remake, it has stuck with me and always down for a re-watch.  I think it was underrated at the time, and it's still a little underrated.  It's apparently being remade by David Bruckner soon.  I can't wait. 

REVIEWED BY @Execproducer

This year's treat (or trick) is The Blob (1988). I see that Kevin Dillon is the lead so I set my expectations appropriately low.He has been in films I really like but he has never been a factor in my enjoyment of those movies. Then Shawnee Smith's name pops up and my spirits are lifted. The title sequence is about as 80's as it gets with the lettering being a really flat, dull neon against the background of space but soon moves down through the clouds and over a small town. First red flag by the way because this is horrendous. Looks like it was edited by some hung-over clown wearing oven mitts with the worst dissolves I've ever seen in a film with an actual budget. It's something of a minor nit to pick but also something I can easily get hung up about. But also ends up being a bit of an outlier as the rest is more than competently presented, cheap and cheesy as it is. In other words, everything 'bad' about it is actually good. The first few minutes are about introducing the main players. At a high school football game  freshly  concussed wide-receiver Paul (Donovan Leitch Jr., Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo)  asks out cheerleader Meg ( Shawnee Smith, Saw franchise). Meanwhile, in a wooded area on the edge of town, misunderstood young punk Brian ( Kevin Dillon, Platoon) prepares to jump his old motorcycle over the gap of a dilapidated bridge. His bike isn't interested in cooperating and starts to cough and sputter like Speed Buggy with a bad cold. Brian tries to lay the bike down but he and it slide right over the edge to the dirt below. Unharmed he is greeted with applause from an old vagrant (Billy Beck, Near Dark) who camps in the area. He heads back to town minus bike to secure tools.

At a local diner Sheriff Gellar (Jeffrey DeMunn, The Walking Dead) makes a date with owner and waitress Fran (Candy Clark, Q: The Winged Serpent), After leaving, he encounters Brian and congratulates him on his upcoming 18th birthday. No more juvie for him. He'll be playing in the big leagues now. Nighttime back in the woods, the old vagrant witnesses a meteor strike. He pokes a gooey substance with a stick and quickly has his hand encased by the corrosive, gelatinous creature that is The Blob. Brian, who has returned to fix his bike, is surprised by the now frantic old man. The old fella attempts to chop off his own forearm with a hatchet but The Blob just slides up to cover the wound. The panicked old man runs out onto the road where he is struck by Paul and Meg on the way to their date. Brian shows up and after a tense exchange with Paul the three of them load up the old man in the car and head to the least populated hospital in America. After more words with Paul, Brian heads out. While waiting in the lobby with Meg, Paul checks on the old man and sees him suddenly convulsing. He grabs what is apparently the only doctor (Jack Nance, Eraserhead) and rushes to the room only to find a steaming pile of gore beneath the sheets. And no blob. The doctor runs out to call the authorities as Paul stares at the corpse. And then some acidic drops hit the floor.

I tried really hard to hate this movie so I could continue to work this gimmick of bad luck in the yearly draw but just couldn't do it. Not that the movie isn't bad, it's just 'bad' in that good way.. The acting is pretty much what you get from these things with no one taking themselves too seriously, though Shawnee Smith delivers. It's the kind of film where the familiar character actors slightly outnumber the Playboy Bunnies. The practical and gore effects are a mixed bag though occasionally ingeniously employed. I howled when dude got pulled whole through the diner sink drain. Some decent stunt work including a bit with a snow making truck and we revisit that old bridge as Brian attempts to escape a nefarious group of government scientists and military who know more about the origins of The Blob than they let on. Some of the kills are surprising, mainly down to their timing. A remake of the 1958 original film, which is an actual slog to get through and is mostly famous for being an early leading role for Steve McQueen, the 88 version hits most of those story beats with a far more dynamic creature. We get a lot of those old familiar tropes like sex equals death and scared teens that suddenly become investigators with the ability to foil soldiers and police. The film really plays on a cynicism towards government and authority. Gee, I wonder where that is going to take us. Directed by Chuck Russel, whose career is also a mixed bag, and co-written with Frank Darabont, this is a perfectly good Halloween movie.  Thanks to whoever made the pick.  

[RIPPA]

As far as I can tell - that is everything

[Curt McGirt]

The Blob remake definitely shows its closeness to the source material in how nostalgically stupid it is. They might as well have made it full retro and given it a Scorcese pop hits soundtrack. Just like the '50s audiences watched it for the silicone and red food dye gurgling through air vents though, you watch it for the super '80s practical effects which are damn near nightmare material. I bet a double feature of this with The Stuff makes it look soooooo, so dumb. (Guess who was originally attached to the second remake, btw? Mrs. Sherri Moon's ass' husband.)

I should have done an extra review for Asylum but I think I'm tapped out. "It was a very good year..."

[Lawful Metal]

I loved the Blob remake! It’s ruthless! Main character dies in the first 15 minutes without warning and he gets the nastiest death - liquifies in the blob and you see every single second of it. The little brothers bad friend who’s just a kid? Melted and tossed around by a tentacle to taunt our heroes. Bad ass deputy who takes charge and saves a bunch of lives? Gets his back broken getting sucked through a window. 

There’s so many good kills and the 80s practical effects are yes total nightmare fuel. 

Time to ruin Lawful Jr’s sleep again 

[RIPPA]

Because I grabbed the trailer earlier - my YouTube recommendations now offer a half dozen videos of people getting fucked up by the blob

[Lawful Metal]

50 minutes ago, RIPPA said:

Because I grabbed the trailer earlier - my YouTube recommendations now offer a half dozen videos of people getting fucked up by the blob

Good.

[J.T.]

The 80's remake of The Blob is totally badass.  I think I revisit it at least once a year.  I am still bummed out waiting for the sequel that will never be made.

I apologize for subjecting Lawful Jr. to that torture, but I had to see if someone else saw the same things in Speak No Evil that I did.  Which he did.

People on YouTube and the socials went on and on about how great this movie was (BRUTAL~!) and I kinda hated it, so I thought that maybe I had too much Joe Bob in me (boobies + blood = bucks, baby) and could not appreciate the social commentary. Am I so low denominator in my old age that I cannot process the new so-called enlightened horror? Am I not a thinker anymore?

Nope.  My initial observations were vindicated by Lawful Jr. This movie isn't bad per se, but its pretentiousness makes it kinda unbearable.

I know that Speak No Evil takes jabs at civility and accommodation in modern society, but Bjorn and his wife don't die because they are too polite.  They die because they are too passive. Unrealistically passive.  Bjorn and his wife are the worst horror victims and the worst parents in the history of horror movies. They have no survival instinct whatsoever. They don't fight for their own lives nor do they really put up a struggle to preserve the welfare of their child.

I have been stung in the back seven times while shielding my kid after she accidentally kicked a hornet's nest, so I know I sure as shit won't just sit in a grave waiting to be stoned to death not knowing what will happen to my child at the hands of two fucking maniacs.  Even the most dyed in the wool pacifist knows when to pick up a brick and bash someone's head in.

It's all rather stupid, really.  And its the kind of stupid that thinks its being clever, thought provoking, and insightful which is the worst kind. Think "A Serbian Film," and you'll be in the ballpark. There will be people in the socials that tell you that you just "don't get it," if you don't like Speak No Evil. Those people are idiots.

The best parents in the history of horrordom are still Mom and Dad from The Last House on the Left and you know exactly why that is.

Thank you, Lawful Sr. for raising a son that is wise beyond his years.

I am beginning to think that maybe I should have reviewed Speak No Evil and gave Oddity to Lawful Jr.  I blame Rippa.

And yes.  Sherri Moon Zombie's ass is as flat as a board.   The blonde baby dreads and horn rim glasses look she sported in Lords of Satan did flatter her facial features though.  She wasn't quite the cringeworthy stripperific hillbilly that she is most of Zombie's joints including 31 (which I actually enjoyed). 

And Rob let Ken Foree earn a paycheck so ideologically, I have no issues with Lords of Satan.

Edited November 15, 2024 by J.T.

[J.T.]

On 11/9/2024 at 5:49 PM, Lawful Metal said:

Gravediggaz for life!

I am a Flatlinerz man, myself.

On 11/7/2024 at 3:13 PM, Lawful Metal said:

He can’t keep getting away with this! Why doesn’t anyone think about the children?!

Jr.'s pick was House and you're accusing me of corrupting the youth?  That reeks of fatherly influence if you ask me.

Edited November 14, 2024 by J.T.

[Lawful Metal]

2 hours ago, J.T. said:

I am a Flatlinerz man, myself.

Jr.'s pick was House and you're accusing me of corrupting the youth?  That reeks of fatherly influence if you ask me.

He’s 18 now and I have no control over what he watches his favorite this year is the Substance and his fave last year was the Emma Stone under age brain prostitute movie or whatever that was

[Andrew POE!]

1 hour ago, Lawful Metal said:

He’s 18 now and I have no control over what he watches his favorite this year is the Substance and his fave last year was the Emma Stone under age brain prostitute movie or whatever that was

Poor Things! It sounds like he has great taste! lol

[RazorbladeKiss87]

23 hours ago, J.T. said:

I am a Flatlinerz man, myself.

 

Massively underrated record. Although, it seems like the kids these days are getting into horrorcore so maybe that will change soon?

[Lawful Metal]

Just wanted to tell y’all that Lawful Jr was really touched by all your comments and is really rubbing it in my face that he really does have good taste in movies. 

im gonna beat him up

[J.T.]

In re Speak No Evil.  I was trying to think up something profound to say about the Good Man's Conundrum, but I really can't put it better than Herbert Lom did in The Dead Zone.

Stephen King, philosopher. Who knew?

Edited November 15, 2024 by J.T.

[J.T.]

I will be on night duty starting at the end of the month and then I am going on 3 weeks of leave so If you guys don't see me around 'til next year around this time, don't fret.  I will rise again.

 

Edited November 15, 2024 by J.T.