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MARK HENRY & THE BIG SHOW vs. RANDY ORTON & SHEAMUS FELINO, CASAS, y NAKAMURA vs. MASCARA DORADA, RUSH y TITAN

vs. DANIEL BRYAN vs. MUHAMMED YONE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a7zr1ng9-M

vs. ZACK GIBSON vs. RANDY ORTON

vs. JUSTIN GABRIEL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJqrIifMcmc vs. DEVITT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do7ymeQUBN8

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 16, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Well the cable is out but the Internet is still working, so I will crank out one of these instead of live tweeting Impact. This might be one of the better decisions of my adult life. WHAT WORKED Cool – the show opens with a recap of the Big E Langston title win and it is getting the WWE video package treatment. This is all sorts of neat. I especially liked them putting impact tremors on the screen for Big E hitting his finisher. Also – no one else might but I really dig the NXT Title belt. Seriously? How did TNA not already do the giant fucking X as a belt for the X Division Championship? Outside of the obvious “It’s TNA” answer? William Regal – Color Commentator Wait. Wait. Wait. Kassius Ohno is sitting in on Color. Are we teasing the Ohno/Regal feud??? Did Regal just threaten to turn Ohno into a vegetable? Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Acting like a fool with your pants on the ground!!! I’m gonna ignore the irony of having to take the belt off of Seth Rollins because he got promoted to the main roster and putting it on a guy who was about to get called up to the main roster. I’m gonna ignore it because it means I get things like Big E Langston mic time. And we also get Langston destroying Camacho. FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! There was enough stuff that was enjoyable in the Antonio Cesaro/Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel match to be here. At least the actual match stuff. I have other issues down below. (In the column, not on my body. At least not that I know of. I am going to move along now.) I will give Sandow a lot of credit for really working with the crowd and making it a good time for all instead of just mailing it in just because they are in front of the random back lot crowd. Him yelling “WE HAVE RULES!” got a legit chuckle out of me. I also am humored that he ate the pinfall. So clearly not only is NXT for developing the WWE’s future roster but it’s also where guys can get an early start on their “push”. Poor poor Money in the Bank winner. WHAT DIDN’T WORK As teased last week – Adrian Neville (who I will most assuredly call Aaron Neville at some point) makes his NXT debut. And he is wrestling Sakamoto who is making his return to NXT after the whole Tensai second fiasco (but I don’t think we are supposed to know that). Since this a WWE development match that means CHIN LOCKS FOR THE SAKE OF CHIN LOCKS!!! RANDY ORTON DOES IT!!! And then the former Pac hits the Corkscrew Shooting Star Press and that’s it. The match is rather disappointing but Regal talking British wrestling almost – ALMOST – dragged this to the Northern side of the column. Trent Baretta vs. Leo Krueger had the misfortunate of being the backdrop for the Ohno/Regal stuff so it really was just there. And since it had a commercial break smashed into middle of it and it really just keeps going on. Maybe another time. Someone should probably get in Tony Dawson’s ear and tell him that just because Vince yelled “WHATAMANUEVER!” doesn’t mean you should. This isn’t a NXT thing per se but during this viewing Hulu decided to keep showing the Chase commercial where the guy is some sort of superfan geek and dreams of going to a Comic Con type convention. But when he goes the dude doesn’t cosplay and that makes the entire commercial totally unbelievable for me. Stupid Chase. I’m not really sure why Sandow/Cesaro are teaming and why they are teaming on NXT but here we are. I mean one would think they would promote it more. Or at least take advantage of having the actual US Champ wrestling in your building to help elevate one of the younger guys. But nope. I am realizing though that this just might be one of those wacky NXT things that I am just going to have to get over.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – January 9, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Hey! It’s Yoshi Tatsu! He isn’t dead! And he is teaming with Percy Watson who really is quite non-descript without the glasses. And they are wrestling the Wyatt Family. We are just going to assume right now this is going on this half of the report. It’s a weird match since Tatsu works a hot tag spot less than a minute in. So when Watson does the actual hot tag a couple minutes later the crowd is all… umm… what? Anyway – Brodie Lee really was born in the wrong generation. I do like that I am watching this today since the discussion of guys carrying on the great fucking clothesline tradition started on the board because Luke Harper (Lee) is right fucking there. William Regal – Color Commentator YES! Paige vs. Emma. I so didn’t understand the Emma bad dancing gimmick when I first saw it but after discovering like a 1000 gifs dedicated to it, it so grew on me. Now remember I am simpleton but it is impossible to not love it. The music is over the top ridiculous and awesome. Plus there is Paige – who in Week Two has gotten the best reaction out of the crowd by anyone not named Big E Langston. I assume the kitten killing is quite furious with the Internet crowd in regards to Paige. SHE ISN’T BLONDE! NEXT GENERATION DAFFNEY! PLEASE LOVE ME! HA! Just as I finished that joke they cut to a shot of some middle age dude in his undershirt blowing kisses to Paige. Anyway – this should have gotten a ton more time but this early in the retro run so there is going to be a lot of forgiveness. Rollins/Langston – No DQ with Jim Ross calling – why didn’t I watch this fucking show sooner? This is booked so amazingly great as the No DQ rules work since it allows for the set up of the story of the Shield constantly interfering because it’s the only way Langston can be hurt. (Though of course Seth Rollins bumps insanely to get over how strong Langston is. Sure I will take the press slam to nowhere. Sign me up!) Plus, the No DQ means that this week’s chaotic locker room brawl works because when the 55 faces charge out of the locker room (and seriously how many fucking guys work in this company) to drag Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns away the crowd absolutely loses it. It’s gonna be tough to top this as best NXT match I will watch (though I know what is coming down the pipe). And then Langston – the loveable dope – does this tremendous job with his facials over winning the title. Good Lord – if he could have somehow worked WAR, he would be Dean’s favorite wrestler of all time. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Okay – this week it’s this dude Tom Phillips instead of Tony Dawson as lead announcer. It is laughable how many different guys they run through on this show considering they are never ever going to replace Michael Cole. Fuck – I think if they could make it work in his schedule and he didn’t think it was beneath him, they would have Cole call NXT too. Unfortunately - as promised? Threatened? Bo Dallas and Michael McGillicutty vs. the Colons is this week. Yeah – the Colons without a mini in a bull costume is just a waste of my time now. It’s also really fucking annoying that Regal has to talk about McGillicutty’s ancestors but not actually be able to say the name Hennig. This goes way too long and I really hate Dallas’ doing a “I love to absorb head trauma” gimmick. Look there is Pac! I mean Aaron Neville and he is going to debut soon and give Bo Dallas a run for the money in the homeliest looking man in NXT.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 2, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Because I have soooo much free time, I decided to start working through the NXT Shows on Hulu. For someone who has longed for the days of Saturday Night or Worldwide for that matter, this is the closest I am going to get. Of course, doing them retroactively will mean that I have to space out my jokes. Do I mock Tony Dawson now or what a little bit? Decisions. Decisions. Anyway, I decided to start with the beginning of 2013 because I wasn’t going back to the beginning of this show. I ain’t THAT crazy. I did watch the 2012 recap show just to make sure I knew what was going on… which apparently was “Fuck – the WWE called up all these guys and now we have to figure out how to explain it storyline wise.” Oh and I so didn’t proof read this. WHAT WORKED The show opens with the Shield jumping whoever the fuck it was in the ring and then Dusty Rhodes and the Shield cut promos and I am all giddy. Of course that is because of current RAW angles… if I had watched this nine months ago, who knows? I will say Reigns one line of dialogue combined with his chuckle was great. William Regal – Color Commentator. This will just have a permanent spot ever week. The lady in the front row who was all over the heels. Primo was great playing off her. The should make sure she is there every week just so heels could learn how to interact with the crowd. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger/Kassius Ohno was fun. I wanna call Ohno Chris Hero since it is WAY easier to spell but God forbid the IWC yells at me being all high and mighty by using a guys other name. Damn me and my three digit IQ. For the little I have seen of NXT, I seem to have seen Kruger a bunch. That isn’t a complaint since his Nise Skinner gimmick is good to watch. Gabriel has tiny pants and Kidd has stupid hair and they really a little too much on the overly choreographed moves but you will enjoy them in a 2013 White Lightning kinda way. This gets a bunch of time and has a clean ending and you can’t complain about that. Hey! Jim Ross showed up to call the main event. I like the idea of Ross calling the young guys and I can understand the idea that he just does “special” matches to give them a different feeling. A permanent Ross/Regal team The main event sucked mainly because we all knew the Shield run in was coming but the aftermath was great as Reigns just casually stands on Graves neck which gets this seven billion Worldwide points. Then Dusty sends the entire locker room out and the Shield takes them all on while a faceless dude takes a crazy bump and then Big E Langston comes out and the crowd is all happy. I mean let’s not delve too much into what could be argued the flaws of the booking but it means I am getting Rollins/Langston next week. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Poor poor random guys who the Shield jumped. They never ever got names. I mean even in recapping the events, Dawson just called them the “competitors”. Enhancement talent on the development show, that’s a new one. God Bo Dallas is not a good look man. Nor is he very good at the wrestling. Epico tried but this really didn’t have a shot. Oh look – there is Curtis Axel… oh wait, he is still Michael McGillicutty at this point… to help fend off the Colons. So I guess I am getting a tag match next week. If Teddy Long was here, it would have been tonight’s main event. I am point Sasha Banks vs. Tamina here because it lasted maybe two minutes. All I got out of it is it was Banks second match on NXT and Dawson doesn’t know the difference between “amplitude” and “altitude”. I want to punch Corey Graves in the face. Hmm… maybe that means he is doing his job and this should could in the other half of the column. Oh wait – he is from Pittsburgh too. This stays here.

http://youtu.be/1nJu2YmawAY