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RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – APRIL 24, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) This is the NXT “Clash of the Champions”. For some reason I am little sad about them doing this gimmick but we shall see. Maybe because I know Ric Flair won’t be in the main event. WHAT WORKED US TITLE MATCH – Antonio Cesaro vs. Adrian Neville. The match goes here. The awkward scroll they had to run is going on the other half of the column. Hey! Neville is still half of the NXT tag champs. Poor poor taping months at a time. Dammit – I promised that would be on the other half of the column. Anyway – this is really good. Cesaro is another of those big guys who can make tiny guys look really good so Neville’s flip floopy offense looks credible. The few moves were Neville is actually “overpowering” Cesaro should have been nixed (the back slide being the prime one) because that was stretching credibility. Other than that – it was all working. Adding Mike Chioda as the ref was a nice touch. I think I mentioned this last week but they definitely lucked out with the crowd at this set of tapings since they like to be involved and actually cheer for stuff. When they aren’t furiously masturbating to Paige, of course. The Mick Foley DVD commercial is really good. I was going to say “Shocker – we never saw it during RAW” but then I realized I hadn’t started watching RAW again when this was airing so what the fuck do I know. But yeah – this clearly seemed like something that since Vince didn’t care about it – folks could actually be creative. Nice interview segment with Chris Jericho setting up a match with Bray Wyatt. Could do without the whole “if Jericho loses he joins the Wyatt” stuff but other than that I am giddy. And Tony Dawson managed to hold the microphone in front of the right person… most of the time. WWE DIVA’S TITLE – AJ vs. Kaitlyn. I said this the last time Kaitlyn defended the Diva’s title on NXT, I am not sure why she isn’t working someone from the NXT roster. Especially based on the nature of this specific show. Oh well. Can’t image why Kaitlyn’s boobs keep falling out of her outfit. These two have worked together like a zillion times so I would have thought it would have been a little crisper. Still a fun match mainly because AJ is the littlest bump machine around. She can even make Kaitlyn’s spear look deadly so that’s aces. NXT TITLE MATCH – Big E. Langston vs. Brad Maddox. I AM SOLDIER!!! God, I miss that theme so. Much like my gripe with the Women’s match – the most appropriate opponent for this “special” show is Brad Fucking Maddox??? There really is no one on the WWE roster willing to get crushed by Langston? Fuck them. This was short, sweet and to the point… as it should have been. FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! William Regal called the crowd “Blood Thirsty Swines”. William Regal is the best. WHAT DIDN’T WORK So yeah… the problem with defending WWE titles on the NXT show that you taped months ago is you get moments like having to run a giant fucking scroll at the beginning of the Cesaro/Neville match that is all WHOOPS!!! SORRY! THIS MATCH WAS TAPED WEEKS AGO! WE KNOW CESARO ISN’T THE CHAMP ANYMORE! PLEASE DON’T YELL AT US! (Kofi Kingston had won the US title like a week before this match aired.) The other problem is that you already know what the outcome of the match is going to be. And yes – I could also bring up Adrian Neville still being tag champ with a crippled partner. I am a little sad that TNA has managed to dodge the bullet with a similar taping policy. Maybe if Vince McMahon didn’t hate Jim Ross he could have been around to call this show and give that “special” feel they clearly were going for. Instead – it is a Tom Phillips week. My ears are not amused. Oh and someone should probably tell Phillips that the foot and knee are two different parts of the body. Tony Dawson’s new hair cut certainly isn’t doing him any favors. INTERCONTENTIAL TITLE MATCH – Bo Dallas vs. Wade Barrett. I am not a fan of either of these guys so there is some work they have to do to climb the mountain and get to the top half of the column. They didn’t pull it off. Of course – the fact that Barrett got his payback win over Dallas on NXT makes me giggle but it also shows what the WWE thought of Barrett at the time. I really am not hip to Dallas’ style of seeming to be perpetually wrestling with a concussion. Goofy motherfucker. Now to be fair – this is perfectly fine but it isn’t really my cup of tea. At one point Dallas takes a ridiculous bump right on his head while selling Barrett working over his arm so maybe now he is wrestling with a concussion. Oh – as a side note – this wonderfully hot crowd seems to be the first one that was anti-Bo Dallas. So I guess the seeds maybe started being planted even here. But anyway – you probably are more forgiving than me so you will like this. Not me. I am old and tired and cold and there are wolves after me.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – APRIL 17, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Look at that – Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger… again. I guess since Mania is over, they can get back to all the random feuds that were happening. I am at the point where they space out these matches far enough that I may be watching the same match over and over and I just don’t remember it. It is perfectly fine but we are now getting to the point where South Africans only work South Africans on NXT. Much like African Americans only tag with African Americans on RAW. See now – making a video package that involves the NXT Talent and their involvement at Mania is brilliant. There should be like a 1000 of these. I mean you had Emma randomly dancing with fans in hallways. Whoever had the brilliant idea to make sure they got lots of backstage footage of The Shield deserves a pay raise. And then the end with Langston and Rollins talking about finally getting to wrestle at Mania was pretty boss too. Paige gets promo time which is really good. She also takes a crazy bump for some reason when Summer Rae attacks her. Hey! It’s Bayley! FUCK YES!! SHE IS WORKING EMMA!!! And this crowd fucking LOVES Emma. They go wild when she actually flips herself into the ring this week and then chant for her. Whether it was planned or just happened organically – since this is clearly the first crowd to Emma as a full fledge face – Bayley works a subtle heel. FUCK! WHERE DID THE TARANTULA COME FROM? God I am enjoying this way too much. Emma dances her way into your hearts and the win column. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Tony Dawson’s “It’s Over!/That Will Do It!” count – 4 Bah – I am not a fan of Corey Graves and I’m generally not a fan of tattoo sleeves. So Graves talking about his ink is a terrible idea. Bray Wyatt squashes Yoshi Tatsu… again. I am fairly positive this was the same match I watched back in January. Why NXT feels the need, at times, to add random stips to matches is beyond me. In this case – the Graves/Rollins match is now a lumberjack match. A lumberjack match where the lumberjacks are all the NXT jobbers (that part makes me giggle). But yeah… let’s cut this shit out. Anyway – I guess the concept is that no one likes Rollins and Graves is trying to keep the other Shield members away. Of course – instead you get a bunch of goobers with terrible tats trying to get themselves over on the outside. And since it is the jobber squad – Ambrose and Reigns still come out and take out all 12 guys and Rollins wins the match. I don’t mind Graves looking stupid but this was just a waste.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – APRIL 10, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) So fucking behind. I had planned on cranking a few of these out during the Winter Break but I broke the W key off my laptop and I wasn’t trying to write one on my iPad so I delayed and delayed. I mean doing a “W”orkrate Report on “W”restling was going to be a challenge. Though at some point I am going to have to accept that challenge and see how creative I can get. WHAT WORKED Holy Shit - the hype video for the Regal/Ohno match is off the charts great. My favorite part (which I missed last time) is that Regal clearly gets a shot in on Tony Dawson as he is going after Ohno. I am also including Ohno’s promo here since he does it while wearing a Regal’s Man’s Man T-shirt. I am also including the fact that Regal cuts an amazing promo that everyone should watch that ends with him begging his kids for forgiveness for the beating he is going to give Ohno. Plain and simple – this match had the best build that I have seen the WWE do in a long long time. IT IS FINALLY HERE!!! WILLIAM REGAL VS. KASSIUS OHNO!!!! Now, as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, this match was probably the only NXT I had watched before I started doing these workrate reports. Plus it was a request by someone who donated to the site (which you can still do – we have Paypal and everything! Send me a message!) I already know that I love this match and for now it is the Gold Standard of NXT Matches*. There is no real way to do the match justice outside of watching it but I will just say that I fucking LOVED the psychology that Regal was trying to lead a different life, atone for his sins and that Ohno – who had grown up idolizing the old Regal - was disgusted by it. Of course, Ohno’s actions unlocked the demons that Regal had tried to hide away and they all come out in a vicious fury. Ohno, while clearly too pudgy for Triple H, can easily work well with Regal and they base an entire 15 minute match around ears and fingers which is outstanding. Oh BTW, the finish is #1 and the best. Fuck – I have always loved Regal but this match alone might have moved him into my #2 spot**. Cool a Shield match. I mean they are just crushing the usual NXT jobbers… which included Percy Watson. Poor poor no longer employed Percy Watson. This was fun for the beating the Shield dishes out. Plus Alex Keegan has some nice looking punches. This also had what appears to be the start of a Corey Graves face time. That I am not necessarily down with that but if it takes Roman Reigns punching Graves in the face a lot while on the way to said face turn, then I am cool with it. I am simpleton so the Renee Young/Emma segment had me rolling. That’s right! You Kids and Your Electric Slide! Get Off My Lawn! The self-aggrandizing videos the WWE does are really hit and miss. All of us have grown to expect them so it is just a matter of subject material and how they are put together. The one shown on this episode recaps the Mania week festivities and it is a fun watch partly because, say what you will, it is really great to see fans getting one of a kind opportunities. I think my favorite was the girl losing her shit when she got Mania tickets because she found Kaitlyn at a random store in the Garden State Plaza. Also – Joe Buck hosted some sort of auction and Buck and the WWE seems like the most perfect match ever. WHAT DIDN’T WORK The problem with Regal wrestling means they had to scramble for an announce crew – and that meant Tom Phillips and Brad Maddox. That would be your definition of dumpster fire. I mean the first match alone they messed up the names of three of the guys in the ring AND their own names. That is a special type of suck. A special type of suck that did its best to ruin Regal/Ohno. HOLY FUCK! Tony Dawson can’t even do a backstage interview properly. THE MIC GOES IN FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH TONY!!!! An entire development roster full of ladies trying to get a shot and yet I have to sit through the Funkadactyls vs. Bellas. Since this was taped in front of the very very college crowd – the match was full of offense that was very butt based to keep them interested. Good lord – with how sloppy these four are, I am shocked they each haven’t suffered more concussions. This is a waste except it made me notice the giant Blonde that they have doing the ring intros now. I am assuming eventually I will learn her name. * Pulling from just the pool I have seen so far. I know I got some classics still to come (including more with Regal). And Langston/Rollins is #2. Heck, it might be 1A – it is just a totally different type of match. And your mileage will definitely depending on how much you factor crowd reactions into your opinion. ** God – that comes off as sounding as if Regal moved into my ass. Which isn’t what I meant at all and I think you know what I was going for. That being said – I would think long and hard if the offer of Regal violating my #2 spot was presented to me.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 30, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Okay – just for the record for those too lazy to look but are anal like me (not that kinda anal you pervs), the brackets for the tag title tournament is (since they finally showed a graphic this week). Wyatts vs. Percy/Yoshi (Wyatts already advanced) Bo Dallas/McGillicutty vs. The Colons Alex Riley/Derrick Bateman vs. Leo Kruger/Kassius Ohno 3MB vs. Neville/Grey (Neville & Grey already advanced) WHAT WORKED The Riley/Bateman vs. Kruger/Ohno match was not perfect but there was enough going for it that I liked it. It’s good that Bateman is now Ethan Carter because it means he cut that stupid hair. Anyway – I really liked all the different ways Kruger and Ohno worked over both of Bateman’s knees and Regal explained why the different ways were awesome. Plus, Riley was barely in the way despite being the worst firey babyface ever. The other great thing about, well any Ohno match are the teases for Ohno vs. Regal. This show had Ohno standing on the ring apron just staring at Regal and every once in awhile he would just yell “WHY AREN’T YOU LOOKING AT ME???” So very happy. It is knee-slapping funny listening to the crowd shoot their collective wads when Aksana comes out. And then it turns out she is wrestling Paige and there might not be any kittens left in the country. It really is amazing the reception she gets and then you think about how she will never get called up. Maybe she can start fucking one of the Real Americans and get on a future season of Total Divas. Anyway – this match is far more entertaining that I thought it would be. Plus, it has the random angle where Summer Rae snaps and attacks Paige. (BTW another example of where the heel does nothing wrong, the face acts irrationally and yet we are supposed to be all pro-face.) Since we are on the masturbation topic. Rosa is with the Colons this week and she spends the entire time shaking her T and A. I don’t think anyone watching was complaining. I am a sap so I really enjoyed the little Royal Rumble Fan Fest recap they showed. It also got me thinking that if the WWE wanted a license to print money – they would release those panels they did during the Rumble and Mania Fan Fests on DVD. There is a dude in the crowd with a Mark Henry “Hall of Pain” shirt. This might be the best crowd yet. Jesus Christ – the chicken wing DDT thing that Epico used was crazy. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Great – Alex Riley and Corey Graves are going to have a match next week. Maybe it can be a hideous tattoo on a pole match. Come to the states they said. Improve your wrestling they said. I don’t think having to try and make Mason Ryan look good is what Sakamoto had in mind when he hooked up with the WWE. For the Best of Raw/Smackdown DVD – the thing they are featuring is the Rock playing the guitar. That might tell you everything about the WWE’s 2012 that you need to know. I should be happy that I will get to see Xavier Woods wrestle next week but the segment this week sucked. And no it’s not because they are doing a guy stuck in the 90s gimmick that is depressing to me as all fuck. If you just sat through Tony Dawson singing Bell Biv DeVoe – you would hate this segment too. I freely admit that I probably should have liked the Colons vs. Bo Dallas and Michael McGillicutty more than I did but it was long and pedestrian and I spent half the time going “Man – I watched way too many match of all your Dad’s matches.” And then Dallas kicked out of the crazy ass chicken wing DDT which he had no business doing. Plus when you actually see the brackets and know the faces have to go over AND that every single “name” team has lost in this tournament. Meh.

RIPPA RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – APRIL 3, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Into April! Only Eight Months Behind! WHAT WORKED Poor poor crippled Oliver Gray. Replaced by Bo Dallas. Why they haven’t stripped them of the tag belts yet is beyond me. Anyway – it’s Dallas/Adrian Neville vs. The Wyatts. I have already mentioned how much I like Neville against the Wyatts, especially a Neville vs. Harper so the key really for me is as long as Dallas doesn’t muck things up this will be good. And it is. I could watch Neville selling Harper’s Big Boot on a loop. Adrian Neville – Face In Peril is better than Bo Dallas – Face In Peril. Plus, Dallas and his creepy eyes might as well be Robert Gibson so it all works. The Wyatts probably do too many jobs but now I am picking a nit. William Regal shows you how to do a fucking announcer beat down. I am giddy because it means, I AM ONLY ONE FUCKING WEEK FROM REGAL/OHNO!!! Summer Rae/Audrey Marie vs. Sasha Banks/Paige. Why yes thank you very much. The norm for women’s matches is that they are, at a minimum, fun and this meets that standard. The match is more a vessel to tell a larger story as Summer Rae still doesn’t want to fight Paige so when Paige gets the hot tag, Summer Rae does a 4.4 40 to the back. This leaves Paige to squash Audrey Marie and we move on. I do feel a little bad for Sasha Banks because she is so tiny compared to the other women on this show. Granted, Summer Rae is tall but still. Now, being tiny works in the context of this division as her getting the beat down looks good and makes the ladies offense look better. Maybe a rematch could be longer and focus on the in-ring work. Also maybe someone could pick up Paige’s jacket from the aisle. Connor O’Brian cashes in on the #1 contender status he won in the three way so him vs. Big E Langston is the Main Event. This will work just because they play the entire Langston theme so I am already happy. Everything else is gravy. Which is lucky since the match isn’t that good since O’Brian gets blown up applying pressure to Langston’s trapezius. This is a total burial of O’Brian as he gets beat in about five minutes and Langston even gets to do the five count on him. That makes me question why NXT bothered to spend two weeks on three ways trying to find a #1 contender when that is going to be the payoff but HEY! Like I said, I got the full Big E intro. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Tony Dawson “THIS IS OVER” Count - 4 Besides the reminder that I need to look up what song is used in the Mania hype video – I am so over it. Thankfully this was the last show before the PPV so this should be the last time I deal with it. So yeah, the announce crew this week is Tony Dawson, Kassius Ohno and Brad Maddux. I write that sentence now; we shall see what side of the column they end up on. It is the bottom half. As a trio it is awkward because, ignoring the usual fact that Dawson is not good at his job, you have two guys who are working heel gimmicks attempting to doing the heavy lifting. Maddux especially was trying to do too much as he seemed to fill like he was supposed to be doing play by play any time Dawson took a breath. Maddux needed to be settled down but Dawson definitely doesn’t have the ability to do that. Ohno went long periods of time without saying a word. It was to the point that I would often forget he was there. Oh that’s right – he wasn’t because Regal beat the shit out of him. So yeah… I don’t need a Dawson/Maddux pairing on a regular basis. How can I play Rockpocalypse when I don’t have Michael Cole telling me how to download it?

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 28, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) Yeah… yet again reminded why I really need to write these things as I am watching them. Especially this episode, now I gotta remember what happened. Stupid Road to Wrestlemania. WHAT WORKED Why isn’t Howard Finkel doing the ring intros full time? If you really aren’t going to spend the time to train new guys (or transitioning an aging vet to something else – like Christy Hemme in TNA) there isn’t any reason to not let Finkel collect extra cash while giving all the matches a bigger feel. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn was fine. I probably would have described it as better than fine if I haven’t been enjoying the NXT women’s division so much. This was a much different women’s match than normally on this show since this was a WWE style Diva’s match (albeit one given time) as opposed to the Sara Del Ray NXT style match we all enjoy. I do appreciate them tying the universes together with Natalya getting the title shot because she won a match on whatever that short lived Saturday Morning show was. Again nothing wrong this but the Abdominal Stretch spot seemed to last forever. I did like the finish with Kaitlyn’s selling of the Sharpshooter and the transition to the eventual pin via spear. No Tony Dawson and Jim Ross being the third mic this week means the announce crew can be up here. Of course… when I am seriously debating that Dawson might be better than Tom Phillips, that really doesn’t say much about Phillips. Speaking of announcers – the only thing of note from this week’s show is that Kassius Ohno comes out and jumps William Regal. That means with another week closer to Regal/Ohno. I also was way too amused over Ross just sitting there watching Regal get his ass beat without batting an eye. Way to show you care JR. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Man – what a weird fucking show. There wasn’t a single NXT regular in any of the matches. Heck – outside of Ohno attacking Regal, the regular NXT crew wasn’t anywhere to be found. I understand the purpose of this show and it must have been great for the live audience but this isn’t why I am watching NXT – I don’t need the same matches I could ignore on Smackdown. It’s really fucking sad that Ricardo Rodriguez working as El Local was the only “regular” to work a match this week. And again – classifying Local as a “regular” is stretching that definition a lot. I am crediting him though because he had to spend two minutes putting up with Brodus Clay’s nonsense. Blargh. I am not really a fan of Randy Orton. I am REALLY not a fan Randy Orton when he is wrestling Damien Sandow. I REALLY REALLY am not a fan of Randy Orton when he decides to bust out the Garvin stomp again. Apparently because Orton was in the opening Mania match and ate the pin they needed to proactively build him back up. I don’t know. That is my best guess at WWE logic and it makes me sleepy.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 20, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) In the full disclosure department – this is the one episode of NXT that I have watched before. Way back when, when I was rummaging around Hulu, I randomly decided to watch NXT and I picked this episode because the screen cap was nothing but William Regal’s face. It turned out to be a great choice because this episode is fucking awesome. WHAT WORKED Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger starts the show… again. What is interesting is that originally this all started because of Kruger attacking Tyson Kidd and even though that only happened a couple of weeks ago; the angle is now all “THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BACK IN SOUTH AFRICA! LEO KRGUER IS A CRAZED EX-MILITARY GUY WHO HAS SEEN SOME SHIT!!” These guys are good together in the ring so I would rather this than a bunch of other matches. This week, Gabriel is trying to act all hard… which consisted of him doing more hair pulls in this match than I have ever seen in a NXT women’s match. One of the reasons that I like Kruger matches is that (and I think I have discussed this before but I ain’t fucking looking back) he will work over a body part (usually an arm) instead of the “HEY! I SAW RANDY ORTON DO A CHINLOCK!!! I WILL DO IT TO!!! FACE OF THE COMPANY HERE I COME!!!” This match was really fun, and better than the first one, with the one caveat that I never want to see Gabriel throw a punch again. The story makes sense as Gabriel can’t put Kruger away, gets frustrated, which allows Kruger to go back to attacking the same arm where he eventually gets a submission win. Tyson Kidd might wanna find someone else to avenge him. Regal’s apology to Kassius Ohno is as great as one would expect when Regal is given mic time. And Ohno is wearing his “Fighting Spirit” shirt so… what a mark that guy is or something. I love love love Regal as the devil trying to atone for his sins. It’s even better when you realize the whole point of the Regal/Ohno feud is that Ohno is pissed that Regal is ashamed of his prior deeds. “DON’T BOO ME!!! I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!!!” Yeah, Ohno is fucking great. Alas, if only Regal hadn’t taught Ohno to not be such a doughy fatboy. Anyway – Regal’s tipping point is the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club so as Ohno brings that up, Regal decks him again and then acts all despondent. Yeah – this is your fucking feud of the year. Luke Harper vs. Adrian Neville is really fucking outstanding. Harper can dish out a great big man beating on a little man ass whooping (especially when he hits the big boot) but he can also sell really well for tiny guys which is what makes this work. When Neville starts getting his hope spots in, they are totally believable. Of course, Harper fucking murders him with the lariat for the win. Then the chaotic brawl happens AFTER the match which is really the way it should be. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Tony Dawson’s “This One Is Over” count – 4 ½. Does no one provide him with any feedback? Sigh… I am gonna get the Rock/Cena hype video every week for the next month aren’t I? Bayley finally shows up on NXT. She is taking on Paige. Ignoring Bayley almost landing on her head on a snapmare the first move of the match this affair was fine. It probably should be on the other half of the column but this is a really strong week for NXT so the bar is higher. Just lots of little things – like Bayley worked over the shoulder that Paige had “injured” a few weeks back but no mention of that from the announcers and then Paige gets a submission win out nowhere. And Summer Rae does a weird fake run in. Oh and since the match was so short, there wasn’t much time for the crowd to get their masturbation money’s worth. Ugh… I guess Punk/Taker hype videos too. Fucking hell – next week is a Road to WrestleMania show??? That might be a pass. They probably should stop announcing Luke Harper as being from Rochester, NY.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 13, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Kassius Ohno vs. Derrick Bateman opens the show. I won’t complain though I am really not sad that Bateman is now on Impact where it is so easy for me to ignore him. And God Bless – his punches were definitely destined to get him a TNA contract. Every time Ohno is on a show you have moments of William Regal selling “Can we just move on before I have to beat his ass?” In fact the only reason this is up on this side of the report is the after match stuff with Regal storming the ring to stop Ohno from beating on Bateman and in the chaos, Regal drills Ohno and there is a lot of finger pointing and head shaking and it is amazing. AWESOME! We follow up Regal’s lament with an Emma match. Come on William – you have to feel better now. She is taking on Summer Rae. At some point, I want an explanation as to why – by their own words – one of their most talented divas was slumming it as a ring announcer. Remember how I mentioned a couple of weeks ago about how the women are doing things that none of the dudes are doing? Yet again it happens this week as first Emma actually blocks the leg trip into the ropes and then Summer Rae purposely snapmares Emma into the ropes so that it takes out Emma’s knees. Seriously how come Emma sells a fucking worked over knee better than anyone else in the company? Oh and Paige is back and the crowd explodes… hmm… maybe I should have used a better choice of words. HOLY FUCK! DUSTY RHODES JUST GAVE ME ANTONIO CESARO VS. BIG E LANGSTON!!!! GREATEST NXT EPISODE EVER!!! This had the potential to trump Langston/Rollins as best match – though a different type of match. I mean if this was 15 years ago and it had showed up on a random New Japan card we would have all lost our fucking minds. Still – since we all knew the non finish was inevitable, it didn’t pass Langston’s title win. Corey Graves and Conor O’Brian supply the run in and beat down so NXT can get out of the box they had booked themselves into. WHAT DIDN’T WORK This week in Tony Dawson nonsense – he thinks Derrick Bateman has the Batman logo on his ass. In Dawson’s world – the Batman logo is a black square. Adrian Neville cuts a promo demanding something from Dusty Rhodes but I will be damned if I can figure out what it was he wanted. It was a lot of staring at the wrong camera and me wondering how Elrond feels about being one elf short in Rivendell Bray Wyatt vs. Bo Dallas. BROTHER VS. BROTHER!!! HOW WILL MAMA ROTUNDA HANDLE THE STRESS??? (Most likely the same way NXT does – by pretending they are not related nor are they spawn of IRS.) This mach will work for some. Possibly many. Not me. I think I have expressed enough how much I don’t enjoy Bo Dallas right now and when he has to sell the entire mach. Yeah… no. The finish is also stupid as we are supposed to accept that Bray Wyatt is going to lose for one of the rare times on a flash belly to belly after taking very little punishment. Alberto Del Rio is here this week to waste time because clearly there aren’t enough people on the roster to have matches with. Yeah. Yeah. Great for the live crowd. Not great for me the Hulu viewer. They also cock tease Del Rio vs. Antonio Cesaro but don’t deliver it for me this week.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – MARCH 6, 2013 WHAT WORKED Show opens with Dusty Rhodes ON THE STICK~! Since it is just Dusty by himself this week – I will give him a pass on booking the same triple threat match from last week. But hey – Dusty is paying out of his own pocket for extra security. We get a fatboy Kassius Ohno interview to continue the slow burn for Ohno vs. Regal. I liked the inclusion of referencing Richie Steamboat not being around. So who gets to squash Yoshi Tatsu this week? The winner is… LEO KRUGER! COME ON DOWN! As opposed to the tag match below, I don’t mind this kind of one sided affair as the crowd is into Tatsu so there is some heat to the match and I prefer Kruger’s “I’m going bend your arms and fingers in ways they shouldn’t” offense. Welp, it looks like the Kruger/Justin Gabriel feud MUST CONTINUE~! You know – I am going to spotlight Aksana for a second because during the nightmare of a match (see down below for the rest) Aksana of all fucking people has the presence of mind – after Naomi (with the help of Audrey Marie) totally screwed up her finisher – to improvise a pin break up and then a brawl (you can see her wave in Alicia Fox to help with the ref distraction) just so Naomi could do everything over again. So yeah… it’s a good thing she isn’t on the main roster helping folks muddle their way through matches. Sigh… Renee Young probably should have screen tested her top before going on camera. I think she would have wanted to realize it was so sheer. God – why did the WWE never do these great Shield grainy video inserts? Oh because they are stupid. I don’t think any of us would doubt that Dean Ambrose really did own a bunker that these were being shot out of. Bray Wyatt spends multiple segments with his hands in his pockets as he basically embarks on a walkabout and he is still the best guy on a very disappointing week of NXT. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Man – I didn’t realize that we didn’t even get one single tag title defense from Adrian Neville and Oliver Gray before Gray blew out his knee. Poor poor probably roided out fella. That means we have Neville pretending he has no idea where Gray is and deciding to just wrestle the tag match by himself. He is taking on NXT Enhancement Talent (which still makes me way happier than it should ) Judas Devlin and Scott Dawson. One of those two dudes (who I may or may not be able to figure out which) is wearing some great Florence Griffith Joyner-esqe tights. He also has so many hideous tattoos that I am shocked he isn’t being pushed in TNA. Okay – that guy is Judas Devlin. Ah… here is Gray storyline reason for being out – The Wyatt Family takes him out in with a phantom beatdown (just don’t tell Meltzer I called it that or will be here forever). Mind you Neville was so distraught about his best friend getting destroyed that he finished the match first before checking on Grey. CLEARLY THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON! Throughout the show – they give the men in the triple threat promo time. O’Brian’s is done in that shitty purple lighting and fog that makes it look like the camera was smeared with Vaseline. Graves, during his, does what one could best describe as a potty dance. And Jesus Mary and Joseph – How the fuck did I never notice Bo Dallas’ speech impediment? Quick! Best Buy needs a tech expert! Get the Middle Eastern Dude! I see nothing wrong with this! A 6 Diva Tag Match. WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE KITTENS??? It’s Sasha Banks and The Funkadactyls vs. Aksana/Alicia Fox/Audrey Marie. Or The Sistas vs. The Letter A. Clearly NXT is being booked by the same person who makes the US Open pairings. I guess if you needed proof that Banks doesn’t have fake cans just look at the shot of her standing in-between Cameron and Naomi. Good Christ – WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH THE DIVAS THAT YOU DON’T STAND ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE APRON IN A SIX MAN TAG!!!! This is easily the worst match I have seen on NXT so far. Naomi fucked up her finisher so much that they had to redo it. So much fail. Is it too much to ask that Tony Dawson learns the name of at least one move? Two weeks of filler just to get back to Conor O’Brian as the #1 contender to Big E Langston. Sure glad I had to sit through like 30 minutes of nonsense for that.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – February 27, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED We are wasting no time in having the Justin Gabriel/Leo Kruger matchup teased last week. WHEN SOUTH AFRICANS COLLIDE!!!! I have no issues with Gabriel… well at least with his wrestling. I still have a problem with his stupid hair and tiny pants. Kruger is easy to dig so this should be enjoyable. Early on it is entirely headlock based but both guys make sure to do subtle little things instead of just laying around killing time so it isn’t tedious. Then when Kruger spends the 2nd part of the match bending Gabriel’s arm in various ways, it works because Gabriel actually sells being in a submission hold as opposed to wondering what he is going to grab off the catering table. In addition, the match has a nice couple of final minutes. Could have done trimming a few minutes off the match (maybe give each guy a backstage interview or something) so they didn’t have to work headlocks so long. And it could have definitely used less shots of Tyson Kidd. William Regal – Color Commentator. I loved it when Regal talked about how stupid it was to drop down to the mat after whipping a guy into the ropes. YES! AN EMMA MATCH!!! I don’t know why I am so excited about this but I am. God, the full Emma entrance is impossible to not love (especially now that I understand it). HA! This is the match that the GIF (which was the very first time I had ever seen Emma’s horrific dancing gimmick) came from. She is wrestling Aksana so the masturbating is fast and furious. From the crowd not me. Bastards. Anyway – remember that period when Fit Finlay was running the WWE women’s division and the matches were fucking awesome. Well we are basically in the NXT Golden Age with the Sarah Del Ray lead women’s division. They are doing things a 1000 times better and more entertaining than the majority of the men’s matches. They really need to do a women’s spinoff hour – so easy to fill. WHOO-HOO!!!! The Shield jump Corey Graves and Conor O’Brian to end my misery. (Keeping reading for everything else involving this match.) The crowd explodes and spends the rest of the episode chanting for The Shield. Yay for small miracles! BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD~! WHAT DIDN’T WORK NXT decided to start off this week with the ultimate challenge for me. Can Dusty Rhodes talk enough to make up for an opening segment that also involves Bo Dallas and Corey Graves? The answer is… No. Tony Dawson – Play by Play. This week’s idiocy is that if you throw kicks, it is a sign you are a high flyer. Oh and not knowing what a lariat was. Or calling the 450 Splash a “sunset flip”. God and that was all in the first match. Crap – The Call ads are starting with this show. DAVID OTUNGA! BOX OFFICE DRAW!!! Bo Dallas gets jumped in the back. He is on the ground unconscious next to a wall and one NXT officially asks the crack medical team “What do you think it is?” and the doctor answers “I don’t know.” HOW ABOUT HE GOT FUCKING RUN INTO A WALL!!!! Did they hire everyone who used to work for the Mets? Man – I don’t think there has ever been a WWE merchandise commercial that made me think “Ya know… maybe I should check out the Shop”. At least these guys at the door spots don’t give me a seizure. The triple threat #1 contender match appears to be just Corey Graves vs. Conor O’Brian thanks to Dallas’ backstage incident. But we have all watched wrestling enough to know it won’t stay that way. Of course – it is also Graves, O’Brian and Dallas. So much hate and so many shitty tattoos. Plus, 15 minutes are left in the show. Why are you doing this to me NXT? Is it because I know I am about to get Regal/Hero? Crowd has no fucking clue how to react to the heel vs. heel matchup so that’s awkward too. Not as awkward has having O’Brian doing the selling. Or O’Brian deciding the body part he was going to work over was Graves’ ass.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – February 20, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Tatsu being a jobber in NXT shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does. This week he is crushed by Bray Wyatt. Wyatt also wears an apron down to the ring. This was 60 seconds of fun. I am a simple man. Wyatt also breaks down the rest of the family for not winning the tag titles and then builds them back up by having them beat the shit out of each other. He should be expecting a call from Rutgers any minute now. William Regal – Color Commentator. With added Regal mocking the ever changing play by play guys he has to deal with. HEY! It’s Ricardo Rodriguez wrestling as El Local. I will again point out how silly it is to have him stick a mask on but not cover his easily recognizable tattoos. Anyway – he wrestles Xavier Woods and it is perfectly fine (though it did fill the chinlock quota of this show in less than five minutes). The highlight is more the various ways Regal and Phillips find to call Rodriguez fat. God – he really would have been great in WAR. My beloved Big E Langston is taking on Conor O’Brian. Since they have brought up about a 1000 times that this is a non-title match, I think we all know how this is going to end. I sorta feel bad for everyone on the roster not named Paige – as the reaction Langston is so incredibly different than any one else (again not named Paige) that all his matches feel special. This is just two heavyweights throwing bombs at each other. I am no fan of O’Brian but he does nothing to infuriate me. The fact that Langston’s neck is so huge O’Brian legit couldn’t lock in a full nelson is pretty fantastic. Aww… them going with the Double DQ finish now is just dumb. If you are doing non-title – O’Brian gets the win, sets up the title match THEN you do the Double DQ to draw out the feud. Instead – we get Corey Graves running out to steal the title belt from Langston. Lord – I hate Graves and his punchable face. However – Langston punching Graves in his very punchable face kinda has me excited. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Hey! Tom Phillips is back. I mean he is better than Tony Dawson but that is a very low bar to clear. So Sasha Banks secret admirer turns out to be Audrey Marie and she is able to drop Banks with a single slap to the back of the head. And then less than 10 minutes later they are having a match because fuck waiting. It’s a good thing both of them can get into their gear so quickly. Shit! I SEE SASHA’S RIBS!!! CLEARLY SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER TOO!!! Anyway – the premise is that Audrey Marie is back from injury and thinks Sasha Banks took her spot. Of course – as Regal points out – this is the same reason Paige and Summer Rae are feuding. Oh and Sasha gets zero offense in so ya know… it’s great that they gave her those couple of wins a few weeks ago. No wonder all the folks in NXT keep getting long term injuries – their doctor looks like he would be more qualified to sell you new windows than diagnose a separated shoulder. Crap – there is Tony Dawson. He has an in ring interview with Tyson Kidd. What you would expect to happen in wrestling when you have a guy in ring in crutches happens. Leo Kruger comes down and threatens to beat Kidd up until Justin Gabriel makes the save. So while that can be fun when, I assume, it takes place next week – this was a waste of time that could have been better filled with a match or a recap of almost anything else or maybe an Emma dance montage.

RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – FEBRUARY 13, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA WHAT WORKED So just as I was starting to make a comment about how weird it was that here was Summer Rae doing ring introductions with no mention of her freak out and her attack of Paige when who should come storming down the ramp but Paige. And Paige takes the show hostage thus preventing us from having to see Mike Dalton/Axle Keegan. Total win. Oh and Paige yells and slaps Keegan like a crazed girlfriend which is outstanding. AND Dusty mic work as he acts all disappointed Dad. YOU GET OVER HER RIGHT NOW! HA! Paige and Summer Rae start brawling around and over Dream… oh this might be my favorite NXT segment so far. William Regal – Color Commentator Normally I would complain on the show wasting time with a recap video (heck, I basically do so down below). This is especially the case when it is for something that isn’t NXT related. But that Elimination Chamber one was really good. What I am about to type is going to seem insane but Paige/Summer Rae might be the 2nd best match I have seen on NXT so far. Yes it barely last three minutes but the entire match is based on Paige’s injured shoulder including Paige knowing to do offense using only one arm. She is way to fucking good to not be called up. Can the WWE just release her already so she can work Shimmer and make me happy? Probably my only quibble is that the finish is Summer Rae’s roundhouse kick, and I understand the need to establish a finisher for her, but since the entire point is that one armed Paige was severely handicapped, the finish should have been something around her shoulder. Unless, Summer’s kick was supposed to hit the shoulder and if that was the case… never mind. Hmmm…. 20 minutes left in the show and they are doing the Tag Tournament Finals. So this is either going to be the longest match I have seen so far or that is some terrible show planning. Let us see where this ends up. Oliver Grey being the fucking face in peril for the second straight week is befuddling to me. Though I will admit that I haven’t seen a lot of Adrian Neville in his Pac days, so maybe he isn’t so hot at the selling. Other than that… I got nothing. There is also WAY too much Wyatt Family selling. I mean if there was ever a team built to take a Southern Style beating it’s Neville/Grey. Eventually, Bray Wyatt gets ejected by Dusty Rhodes which I like since it helps build in the reason the Wyatts lose. Oh… spoiler I guess. Now, that was all the first half of the match. The second half is much better because Grey takes his beating and it is wonderful. Yes, I theorized that Neville might not be so hot with the selling but he is really good in the roll of babyface desperate for his partner to make the tag – despite the crowd really not caring at all. Maybe having Paige beatdown right before this wasn’t the wisest of moves. Aaron Rowan is no where near as good as Luke Harper but I really dig his ragdoll bearhug. That is one way to make that move fun. This really really becomes enjoyable when Neville finally gets the hot tag. Harper is amazing as big guy who can make tiny speedy guys offense look credible but then he fucking wastes Neville with a big boot as Neville comes off the top. Then it becomes chaos like any good tag finish should. In fact, my only problem with the finish is how long Neville takes to get off the corkscrew shooting star press as Harper has to lay around like a dope for far longer than he should. But yeah… full Worldwide point. WHAT DIDN’T WORK NXT sure loves themselves some recaps. Normally this isn’t a bad thing but the Tag Tournament recap looks like it was filmed somehow using Instagram. That is a trend that needs to stop. I am six weeks into doing these reports. I really should do a separate piece on all the guys in the opening who I have yet to see wrestle. Ugh – Alex Riley. Oh fucking hell. He is wrestling Corey Graves. Why couldn’t this be like the 8252107 random other feuds that the WWE forgets about. Somehow, Graves acid washed jean jacket vest has become even douchier. And fucking Riley really needs to fucking buy tights that cover his fucking ass. I really hope fucking cheeky cuts of tights aren’t suddenly a trend. God – the NXT “doctor/trainer” so doesn’t look like a doctor/trainer. He clearly looks like a guy who would definitely come out of the crowd to rub Paige’s shoulder. And then rub something else after. Todd Dawson might be the worst person to choose to do in-ring interviews and Neville and Grey might be the worst person to interview after a match. If they had just made-out – which let’s be honest totally seems to be the way they are teasing – if would have been much better.

NXT RETRO WORKRATE REPORT – January 23, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) I haven’t done one of these in a little bit. I realized I need to get cracking if I want to finish 2013 before 2016. Please don’t make me regret picking you over Mass Effect. WHAT WORKED Alex Riley shows up and looks exactly – EXACTLY – like Stevie Richards. That is making me laugh way more than it should. William Regal – Color Commentator. I mean this week he tried to put over Alicia Fox’s hand strength. And then he says he is homies with Snoop Dogg. He is amazing. Dusty Rhodes ability to keep a straight face when dealing with some of these idiots is amazing. There was a sudden block of Diva related items that all ran together and none of them were terrible but nothing really really stood out. All of it together can mesh together up here. It covered… Alicia Fox vs. Sasha Banks. A couple of noteworthy things but they are sprinkled throughout the rest of this report The Paige video package was a good idea (though whoever produced it needs to work on fading out the faux Marilyn Mason music as it made it tough to actually here Paige talk). I am not on the Aksana train like I know a lot of the board is but it had Renee Young randomly making her debut as backstage interviewer so I guess things are looking up. Vader’s boy Jake Carter shows up on my TV screen for the very first time. That gets him on this side of the column. He has to wrestler the hateable Corey Graves so I am fairly sure the only nice I am saying is “Hey! Vader’s kid”. Fuck – Carter is doing a happy douchey frat boy gimmick. That is so very wrong. God, maybe this deserves to be on the other side of the column. Oh and this match legit put me to sleep so I had to go back and watch it again. Really the only reason this is staying here is because I am too lazy to cut and paste. Hoo Boy – Bo Dallas. He is jibber jabbering with Joe Hennig (SUCK IT INTERWEB~!). This works because Hennig shows far more charisma in this then all the other times I have seen him on Raw or Smackdown. They will be wrestling the Colons in the tag tournament next week. Another tag tournament match is Adrian Neville/Oliver Grey vs. the good pairing of 3MB (Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre). This is fun because Neville and Slater aren’t afraid to get into a contest of who can sell better and who can bump crazier. Grey seems like a guy I could enjoy watching but knowing he is going to cripple himself shortly makes me feel like I shouldn’t invest the time. God you would think McIntyre would be a better catcher but nope. He makes up for it by bringing the power. This is fun with Neville/Grey getting the “upset” which makes sense that if you are pushing that team giving them the win over the “name” team works. HEY! It’s my boy Big E Langston. And he is already fighting enhancement talent in non-title matches. Axl Keegan is a Killer Kolwolski trainee according to Regal so that means Triple H will call him up before Chris Hero. Regal keeps talking about how he would have loved to travel with Langston so he could pass on his knowledge and I am thinking if that had happened there is no way the Internet (or my pants) could have contained the aftermath. Conor O’Brian interrupts the 5 after party to babble about him returning in two weeks so I already hate him. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Really? The show has to open with a Shawn Michaels self agrandasizing mic segment. Nine months later and RAW is starting the same exact way. He is here to announce the creation of the NXT Tag Titles and the tournament for them. Of course, he mealy mouths his way through it. First match of the tournament is the Wyatts (Rowan and Harper of course) vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Percy Watson. I am assuming you can figure out who is advancing here. Tatsu plays Ricky Morton which is interesting but if you stop and think about it, it is better than he is selling than Watson. I probably should like this more but the hot tag to Watson is totally underwhelming and then Harper’s clothesline to finish it isn’t as decapitating as it should be. So sad. Sasha Banks nickname is the small package??? Yeah… that seems like… not a well thought out idea. Tony Dawson was baffled by the sight of a chinlock. To the point that Regal flat out said “If you don’t know that, you shouldn’t be out here.” That teaser for Conor O’Brian was fairly ridiculous. Though I guess after having to suffer through two pathetic seasons of the old version of NXT, they kinda sorta had to repackage him.