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RIPPA RETRO NXT WORKRATE REPORT – January 9, 2013 (by PHIL RIPPA) WHAT WORKED Hey! It’s Yoshi Tatsu! He isn’t dead! And he is teaming with Percy Watson who really is quite non-descript without the glasses. And they are wrestling the Wyatt Family. We are just going to assume right now this is going on this half of the report. It’s a weird match since Tatsu works a hot tag spot less than a minute in. So when Watson does the actual hot tag a couple minutes later the crowd is all… umm… what? Anyway – Brodie Lee really was born in the wrong generation. I do like that I am watching this today since the discussion of guys carrying on the great fucking clothesline tradition started on the board because Luke Harper (Lee) is right fucking there. William Regal – Color Commentator YES! Paige vs. Emma. I so didn’t understand the Emma bad dancing gimmick when I first saw it but after discovering like a 1000 gifs dedicated to it, it so grew on me. Now remember I am simpleton but it is impossible to not love it. The music is over the top ridiculous and awesome. Plus there is Paige – who in Week Two has gotten the best reaction out of the crowd by anyone not named Big E Langston. I assume the kitten killing is quite furious with the Internet crowd in regards to Paige. SHE ISN’T BLONDE! NEXT GENERATION DAFFNEY! PLEASE LOVE ME! HA! Just as I finished that joke they cut to a shot of some middle age dude in his undershirt blowing kisses to Paige. Anyway – this should have gotten a ton more time but this early in the retro run so there is going to be a lot of forgiveness. Rollins/Langston – No DQ with Jim Ross calling – why didn’t I watch this fucking show sooner? This is booked so amazingly great as the No DQ rules work since it allows for the set up of the story of the Shield constantly interfering because it’s the only way Langston can be hurt. (Though of course Seth Rollins bumps insanely to get over how strong Langston is. Sure I will take the press slam to nowhere. Sign me up!) Plus, the No DQ means that this week’s chaotic locker room brawl works because when the 55 faces charge out of the locker room (and seriously how many fucking guys work in this company) to drag Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns away the crowd absolutely loses it. It’s gonna be tough to top this as best NXT match I will watch (though I know what is coming down the pipe). And then Langston – the loveable dope – does this tremendous job with his facials over winning the title. Good Lord – if he could have somehow worked WAR, he would be Dean’s favorite wrestler of all time. WHAT DIDN’T WORK Okay – this week it’s this dude Tom Phillips instead of Tony Dawson as lead announcer. It is laughable how many different guys they run through on this show considering they are never ever going to replace Michael Cole. Fuck – I think if they could make it work in his schedule and he didn’t think it was beneath him, they would have Cole call NXT too. Unfortunately - as promised? Threatened? Bo Dallas and Michael McGillicutty vs. the Colons is this week. Yeah – the Colons without a mini in a bull costume is just a waste of my time now. It’s also really fucking annoying that Regal has to talk about McGillicutty’s ancestors but not actually be able to say the name Hennig. This goes way too long and I really hate Dallas’ doing a “I love to absorb head trauma” gimmick. Look there is Pac! I mean Aaron Neville and he is going to debut soon and give Bo Dallas a run for the money in the homeliest looking man in NXT.