Sex Machine Gun

The only thing that killed the main event even 1% was Tony saying Rosa was crying after she won. I didn't notice if that was the case and just rewatched the YouTube clip they posted of the final 7-8 minutes. Let us enjoy knowing they put up a brawl that was beyond worthy of "for a women's match" caveats. This is my second favorite women's match behind the Bayley/Sasha IronMan. Everyone loves the Brooklyn match and it's awesome but I liked the IronMan more because of Sasha being the biggest shitty heel that ever heeled. But back to Britt/Rosa, I agree that Britt was talking about star ratings and making Jericho proud and shit because it was a candid segment. In the same few minutes she talked about her mother fondly, not really heel stuff. We almost saw Marko Stunt die. I can't stand that he's involved so much (RUGRATS GEAR, fuck me) but thank goodness whoever slowed down his fall did so. That was a real split second from at least paralysis. I went to the corner store and was gone for all of twenty five minutes (~9:10-9:35) yet managed to miss three segments apparently. I'm guessing Miro's being built as a bigger heel in his pairing with Kip, the latter of whom will likely be crushed into a small cube by the former in a couple of weeks. Totally missed the Darby stuff as well as Brian Cage teasing a face turn. Missed a Scorpio Sky thing too. Sheesh. I WASN'T GONE THAT LONG YET THE WHOLE MIDCARD DID SHIT Can someone please clue me in on why everyone shits on Shawn Spears? I don't think I've even seen him wrestle on TV in a year and can't remember at all if he's any good. He hasn't gotten any promo time and they've barely remembered he had Tully working with him. In terms of visibility and record he's the weakest member of the Pinnacle sure, but in my eyes I see him that way because I have absolutely nothing to work with. He hasn't been doing anything! Still, he's got good size, looks like a threat in a promotion of sub-6' guys, and has one of the best mouthpieces working for him. I don't get it. He could very well suck but there's so little data from which I can draw. I never watched him in NXT or anything. Way I see it, that motherfucker already won the game by marrying Peyton Royce. Why should I be making unflattering comparisons to Mongo or Roma or whateverthefuck?

The main event was so good I forgot about THIS pile of bullshit. It wasn't even a rollup, it was a damned sunset flip position. Someone please tell me why Cody's someone I should cheer. No! No! No negativity! Not until tomorrow! I loved the main event and the PINNACLE~ promo was great.

Easily the most violent women's match I've personally watched but they were GOING for it, with submissions and pinning reversals IN THE BED OF TACKS. That's some hatred, Britt lost nothing by jobbing here, both are stars now. It took a bloodbath but we finally got an AEW women's match that's going to be on the highlight reels for years.

Pretty excited for tonight! Dynamite is always awesome after a week of watching WWE clips in the meantime anyway and I'm DYING to hear the followup to the main event angle from last week. I'm also stoked for Penta/Cody, because Cody's gotta go away eventually and why not when someone's pledged to break his arm/shoulder? VERY hyped for Britt Baker/Thunder Rosa. I know it isn't the popular opinion here but during that tag match on the Revolution pre-show it didn't look like actual stars were in the ring to me until those two were locking up. I'm sorry, the comparison in that match was nuts. You have these smaller, pale women who barely look like they have much mass to them (even though Itoh is a natural entertainer) and then Rosa and Baker get in there, looking bigger and stronger and Britt being tan. It's a star look, to me anyway. Point is, these two have been what have made me pay attention to the women's division again and I look forward to a crazy match that isn't some stupid shit. Will Jade Cargill tell us how Shaq disappeared?

Oh thank goodness. Don't let the door hit you in your "hardest head" on your way out.

Now that you mention it. I remember reading those stories in 2016. Fair play. My counterpoint is that these tickets only sold because Undertaker was assured to be on the card. Maybe people threw down some money to see Shane die but Taker had to be the draw. They ended up kayfabing the attendance number anyway, so whatever. The sad thing is that they aren't recognizing that their shitty booking and lack of starmaking was what caused sales to lag the way they did. Let's think about the rest of the card. Who's truly motivated by HHH/Reigns? Who wanted to see Dean Ambrose lose to an uninspired Lesnar? My favorite moment of that particular Wrestlemania is Sasha Banks's entrance (for a match that was ultimately fucked), and that's a bad sign when someone's favorite moment is an entrance rather than any angle or in-ring action.

Great gag, first off. Second, Orton's done the bullshit House of Horrors match or whatever it was. It gave us the dinge fridge! Come on, man! I'm scared to see Omos in a match. With his size, that he hasn't worked a match at all on TV yet after months of exposure is telling. Dude must be sub-Khali level. But I'm EXCITED to see live fans finally watching this product that's been in the making for a year now. I'm begging them to shit all over everything that deserves it, which will somehow shock all the people backstage not named McMahon or Dunn.

I really, really doubt that Shane/Taker at WM32 sold a single goddamn ticket. Who the fuck wanted to see that, even at the time? Frankly, for two decades plus it's ignorant to think any single match on a Mania card is what sold tickets. You're there because it's Wrestlemania. I don't know how far out tickets have gone on sale for it year-to-year but I'd happily wager that it was a sold out event or at least very close to sold out a month in advance. That places the vast majority of builds and match settings after tickets were purchased. Lana's taller. Real response: I'm similarly baffled. Mandy can at least kind of work. Maybe Lana gets exposure as a spite thing? Both are "the type" that Vince/Dunn want, it's vexing because gotdamn do I love some Mandy Rose. A while back WWE posted a nice video on YouTube which had her with her family and back in her hometown, it was nice. I know we like to be high-minded and not comment on such things, but c'mon. Mandy Rose? https://youtu.be/jzsCIENC9IQ

Or we could like, not have Shane on TV at all. If they insist, have him as a completely neutral authority figure. Legit right-down-the-middle. Okay, I want there to be a Jack Tunney again, is that so wrong? Give me some figurehead who only appears when shit is serious and who NEVER WRESTLES. Probably the haircut. I never watch those extra YouTube videos of postmatch interviews or whatever, is it common for other wrestlers to pop in on them like that? I think I can name three Fastlane matches without looking: Drew/Sheamus, Bryan/Roman, and Shane/Braun! I did it! Yes! Do I remember any others? No! The fuck is Lashley doing on the show? Maybe there's some Street Proffits match I'm not aware of? I'd probably be more aware of shit if I watched the show itself instead of YouTube highlights but I can't imagine anyone outside of someone who only just discovered wrestling being excited for Raw each week. EDIT: That was pretty entertaining stuff from New Day, I guess they actually let people flex their personality in these videos I've been ignoring. "Does he know how to WORK (small pause) ...as a team?"

What IS this Shane/Braun feud? Granted, I haven't watched Raw very closely because... well, yuck, but why the fuck are these people fighting each other? And why was there a bucket of green shit under the ring? This is so bad. TWO buckets? Also, is Shane five years old? ERMAGERD I'MMA SLIME YOU AND YOU GON' BE MAAAAAAD I'm starting to think WWE is unwatchable (besides any Reigns/Bryan stuff) until live crowds are back. Vince has gone truly insane without crowds to rebel against a shitty product. One kinda-sorta positive of this is that Alexa Bliss has been kept away from the Charlotte buzzsaw but it required some of the stupidest shit I've ever seen on a wrestling program and I saw the Katie Vick angle live. The HHHonk saved that, this seems bereft of any ability to be saved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wHQVNb5COk Wasn't sure where to put this but the OSW Review crew is premiering their 7th Annual Golden Noggers this afternoon! I'm expecting to piss myself laughing.

How did it take so long for this to come up? What a preposterous thing to do. NO ONE needs to be pinning Bianca a month out from Mania, let alone goddamn Tamina. WWE's "book babyface challengers to lose matches so it looks like they overcome the odds when they win later" booking for years now is one of the biggest reasons there's a dearth of real stars. If you're a loser, why are you getting a shot? If you beat the other person, they just lost to a loser. I'd call it a mobius strip but diminishing returns for the last five years especially are more of a spiral.

https://packerswire.usatoday.com/2021/03/13/packers-free-more-cap-space-by-restructuring-billy-turners-contract/ Also, it's hard to not jerk it so hard I start a fire through friction, but the Packers are doing what I thought was a longshot: dropping a couple of players (and losing our Center was no joke) but the others reworked their contracts to get us out of cap hell which prevents any free agent flirtation. Aaron Jones can go. He's awesome but we can't afford him for what he'll command. I was worried that the defense would fall apart but Preston Smith and Adrian Amos are locked in now! In this particular story's case, Billy Turner was incredible the last two seasons, 2020 especially after playing across the entire offensive line and doing so to great effect. This is getting into me going all Saint Aaron Mark but it's a relief to see so many big names who recognize their position and how it's hard to find a better contender on the free market. It's a team that wants to WIN over getting paid, LET'S GOOOOOOOO

... whoa. That's fucking crazy. I just did the most basic of Google searches which didn't help much, but I'm struggling to think of an NFL team that would have NEVER had a QB re-sign with them even if the new contract didn't work out. BORTLES~ got a new deal in Jacksonville even! Horseballs Derek Anderson got one in Cleveland! Sanchez for the Jets! I'm just going through potential players for shitty teams who had some success and considering the Bucs have a considerably longer franchise history than some I'm seeing (Houston [Watson], Cleveland, Jacksonville) that's an absolutely nutso statistic.

I'm sorry, Tony. I figured you would have learned some basic economics and the ability to recognize the contexts presented in arguments. I even said I was glad how well you did from one show to the other! There was progress! I BOUGHT TWO OF YOUR T-SHIRTS TODAY BAH GAWD but keep saying dumb shit. "Candy bars used to be a (nickel)," yes, when a nickel was the equivalent of $1.00-$1.50. No one ever has once said that affects Hershey's earnings because they're all reported with contemporary numbers with no care for what those contemporary numbers meant years ago. Know why? NO ONE MAKES THE COMPARISON. When someone goes "oh shit, this made more than $7,000,000! That hasn't happened since 1999!" the alarms go off since they're using a dramatically outdated figure and IT'S A COMPARISON. You can be a supermark, cool, but don't talk shit about incontrovertible shit because it doesn't jibe with what you want to hear. AEW improved by 50% show-over-show. That's to be commended. Giving them false plaudits is not.

My pop and I always raided the place on Sundays when the $0.39 price was a thing, but I'm glad to see the regular cost wasn't far off.

I'm happy Cam's getting another shot, as terrifying as it is to think he could realize the potential of being part of the Patriot Empire. He deserved better than he got at Carolina and dude had absolute dogshit options for skill position players in 2020.

None of that invalidates the base stance of "Fuck Tom Brady." The chosen QB of the Aryan Nation is not to be envied.

$7M today is roughy half that numeric amount if you adjust for inflation twenty years ago. I'm glad they're doing great and the online numbers are good (hence why I said show-to-show number improvements are a positive thing) but it's like saying a movie making $100M today is doing better than a film that made $90M two decades ago. It makes no economic sense, no matter what kind of "then YOU do it!" bullshit attitude you try to roll with. That's an extremely weak position to try and talk shit. I'm sorry you'd rather look at raw numbers which are being compared to long-distant time periods and act like they're the same. If so, go on ahead to Taco Bell and get a crunchy taco for $0.39. That was 1999.

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/31051305/sources-tom-brady-tampa-bay-buccaneers-agree-4-year-extension?linkId=113266502&fbclid=IwAR1CzQtyjHUaCsvTpbS-NsgqYM8YyUUtgSpubaluUnAiAzS9yGVos5u98bU FOUR fucking years on an extension for Brady? No. No no no, I refuse to believe this motherfucker has somehow been constructed from some other shit and lay this at the feet of how rules are more accomodating for QB abuse. Oh hey, a rule that came about from this very person's injury over a decade ago. I like pretty much everyone on the Bucs so I'm glad they got their ring but now let this motherfucker get speared in half somehow. Honest prediction is that this year Brady suffers what should be a career-ending injury for his age, he tries to come back in 2022, and gets wrecked by Week 4 of that season. Does he retire? Nah, no way. His first 2023 game (after being held out the entire preseason) results in something that kills his career for good. NFL rules get altered again. Whee!

Got a KO Show tonight with Bianca/Sasha as guests. Big E is billed as making a return of some sort. And of course, because this is just fucking lazy protocol now, a CONTRACT SIGNING~ with Reigns and Bryan. I'm sure a lot will be added to the story this way. How is Smackdown fairly good each week yet feels meaningless at the same time? EDIT: Don't know how to paste Twitter stuff here without an account of my own, but look up someone putting Rikishi's heel music over a current Reigns entrance!

How dare you denigrate the WCW plan to have PPVs named for the seven deadly sins! And no mention of WWA? Tsk tsk. These were titans whose competitors were lucky to land a blow! What was the weekly TNA PPV buyrate in 2002-3, I wonder. I bought them during the period of Styles's ascendance and the Raven debut but abandoned the promotion once it became clear that Jarrett was going to always end up winning. Genuine weekly customer but shitty booking drove me away (and that was after absorbing the SEX storyline and the Tony Schiavone shoot experiment looking like a Boogaloo Boi)

When they talk event-to-event percentages, yes, very impressed. The first part is super dubious since I don't think inflation is taken into account. In 1999 the standard PPV was half the cost of a current one.

I appreciate the heads up, didn't mean to clutter anything but that Creation of Whatever shirt is so fuckin' sweet I'm not really sorry about it.

I don't see too much discussion of merch here but I just sprang for the Deathmatch shirt and this on the AEW website: I already had the current OC "Yearbook" shirt but I knew I had to have this the moment I saw it.