On The Road: WWF 3/16/96

WWF House Show – 3/16/96, Landover, MD

Note from Rippa – This might be the very first thing I ever wrote about wrestling (and posted on RSPW). I want to throw myself off a cliff.

Hi, myself and fellow lurkers Phil Schneider and Jeremy Malin went to the WWF card at the USAir Arena. Hey, when our tickets where free, how could you not go. Anyway, I am going to give a (hopefully) brief summary of the events. Phil and I also tried to rate on a 5-star system but it might not be up to par with everyone elses. This is my first time posting a thing like this so bare with me.

First of all, the crowd was roughly 7,000 not to bad for a Sat when NCAA hoops are going on. Secondly, there was a group of boy scouts at the first few rows and Goldust was wrestling, could be interesting.

First match
The Bodydonnas w/ Sunny vs. The Godwins
God is Sunny FINE!!!!! (Sorry had to be said) Sunny got a huge pop. Of course, the reception turned sour when Sunny insulted the crowd. including saying “You people keep getting fatter everytime I see you… now wiggle you fat butts out of your seats and give the future WWF Tag Team Champs the respect they deserve.” This was a very good opening match.

Highlights: Skip does the Shawn spit but hit Zip right in the face. HOG gives Skip a reverse power bomb. Sunny distracts the Godwins to change the momentum. The ‘donnas miss a rocket launcher to set up the ending. PIG sets up Zip for slop srop. Skip comes off top rope to break it up. With ref arguing w/ Sunny. HOG hits ZIp with slop drop. PIG gets the 1-2-3.

Time (approx): 10:30
Winners: The Godwins.
Rating: *** – Good match to get the crowd going. Sunny pulled the match up a half of star.

Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw w/ Uncle Zeb vs. Avitar
We mark out just long enough to realize that it is not Al Snow wrestling. We spent the entire match trying to figure out who it was but were unable to. Bradshaw wins with vicious lariat.

Time: 4:38
Winner: Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw
Rating: * – and we are being generous.

1-2-3 Kid vs Barry Horowitz
Kid draws huge heat. DiBiase is not at ring side. Kid does the Shawn spit and hits about five of the boy scouts. Nice aim Waltman. Barry connects with perfect Northern Lights suplex but not much else. Kid wins after Savio/Kwang kick.

Winner: Kid in 6:03
Rating: 1/2 – Kid spitting of boy scouts saved this from being a dud.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Duke “The Dumpster” Droese.
No woman with HHH. Damn. I hate the Dumpster but this was a good match. Dumpster takes first bump after he is whipped into the ring steps. HHH did a few Flair imitations during the match, including doing a Flair flip. The ending made the match. Dumpster goes for the trash compactor. HHH slips out and goes for the pedigree. Dumpster backdrops out but HHH turns it into a sunset flip. Duke reverses that gets a two count. HHH reverses and gets his own two count. HHH with kick to the gut and the pedigree.

Winner: Hunter Hearst Helmsley in 10:27
Rating: *** 1/2 – A half of star goes to the fact that HHH didn’t job.

Isaac Yankem DDS vs Ahmed Johnson.
Match was unwatchable. It consists of a 5 minute arm bar by Yankem before Johnson hits the Pearl River plunge.

Winner: Ahemd Johnson in 5:39
Rating: DUD

British Bulldog and Owen Hart w/ Jim Cornette vs Jake the Snake Roberts and Yokozuna
Cornette is be handcuffed to George the Animal Steele. Cornette, wearing his St Patrick’s Day jacket unleased the quote of the day.

“James E. Cornette is not a common criminal … and with the reputation of this town, everyone here in this arena knows what its like to be handcuffed.”

Steele is in character and hilarious. The match itself was rather poor though. End comes when Steele hits Cornette with Tennis racket then hits Owen in the gut with it. Owen is nailed with DDT and Yoko drops a leg. 1-2-3.

Winners: Jake and Yoko in 12:21
After match Steele chucks Ref (one of the Hebners) and eats a turnbuckle.
Rating – *** – One full star goes to George for being hilarious and eating turnbuckle

30 minute intermission

Intercontinental Title Match
Savio Vega (challenger) vs Goldust (Champ)
This was the match of the night. BTW: there is not Marlena at ring side. Goldust gave Savio a rose to begin things. There was also count em, 5 crotch shots in this match. Through all the fondling and molesting that Goldust did there were some great moments. Goldust does Iceman King Parsons Butt Block. He tells the crowd to “shut up or I will personally stick my tongue down everyone’s throat.” Savio and Goldust are battling on the top turnbuckle. Goldust headbutts Savio twice and then plants a kiss right on his lips! Savio catches him with the Kwang kick that carries them both out of the ring (If you saw the Vega-Austin match on RAW then you know what I am talking about. Plus Vega hits a superkick that was much better than Michaels has been recently. Goldust leaves but comes back when ref threatens to take the belt away. We mark out twice as Vega almost wins after escaping the curtain call but it was not to be at Goldust gets the pin with the use of the ropes.

Winner: Goldust in 17:08
Rating – **** – The action lasted for most of the match and the rest holds were to say the least, unusual.

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels
Michaels of course gets the pop of the night. The match was very disappointing. A lot of rest holds. Austin’s only big move was a stun gun. Michaels eventually wins with a weak looking superkick.

Winner: In 20:56, Shawn Michaels
Rating – ** – again we are being generous.

Triple Threat Match
Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer vs Bret Hart vs. Diesel.
Yes this match actually took place. But it wasn’t as good as it should have been All the wrestlers got decent pops. Hart and Undertaker start. About two minutes into the match, Diesel comes down to ringside. Undertaker was just starting to walk to ropes but got distracted by Diesel and Hart pulled him off. About the 10 min mark, there is a ref bump and the fun starts. Everyone is at side the ring. Taker whips Bret into the stairs. Huge Bump that broke the stair into three parts. Diesel hops up and nails the Undertaker with the belt. He chucks both guys in the ring. He jacknifes the Taker and drags Hart on top of the Undertaker then he wakes up the ref. 1-2-3 and the Taker is done. Diesel pushes Undie out of ring and starts to work on Hart. Taker grabs his leg Hart rolls Diesel up and pins him.

Winner: Bret Hart in about 14 minutes.
After the match, Diesel and Undertake brawl all the way back to locker room as Hart just looks on. Decent brawl then went slightly into the crowd. The screwed up a little at the end though. They get to the dressing room curtain and while still in full view of half the crowd just stop and start talking to each other as the disappear into the curtain. Michaels was also waiting there and gave congrats to both of them. It was weird.
Rating – ** 1/2 _ The brawl was a large part of that and the match actually taking place was another reason.

Overall, we agreed that the card got a thumbs up. Mostly because the good matches came from surprising sources. The next card was announced to be happening on May 17 at the Baltimore Arena.

The tentative card looks like this.
British Bulldog vs Ahmed Johnson
Yokozuna vs Vader
Goldust vs Razor Ramon
Owen Hart vs Ultimate Warrior
Lumberjack match:
Diesel vs the winner of the WM12 main event.