Contentious C Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Wait, you're married?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Ack, two posts in a row; the bane of my existence. But you don't care, just like you don't care about these movies I'm gonna tell you about, or that I'm the one telling you! Day 216 (and counting) of Some Movie Bullshit I do, Hot Garbage and Franks Edition! Hot Garbage The Two Faces of January - Easily the closest to Acceptable of this batch, but I had no idea what to expect going in, and about 20 minutes later, I was thinking, "Boy, this feels like someone ripped off The Talented Mr. Ripley." Turns out, Patricia Highsmith novels will do that. The performances are OK and the vistas are nice at times, but the plot isn't compelling without Kirsten Dunst to hold it together, and it really does feel like the director cribbed as much as humanly possible from Anthony Minghella's far better movie (I'm in the small camp of people who actually liked it), except for part of the ending, which feels like it was cribbed from The Third Man. I guess there are worse things to steal from, but y'know, still too obvious about it. Just no good reason to watch this. London - So, Chris Evans has some range; here, he plays an incel. No, really, his character is actually the least likable one that maybe he's ever done, and I watched Push for fuck's sake. And Jason Statham has hair in this. Hair! Incel Evans and Pated Statham - THIS IS THE WRONG WORLD!~ There are a couple of fairly intense scenes that are basically drawn-out shouting matches to show how the relationship between Evans & Jessica Biel breaks down, and how Statham tries to talk him into pursuing her again, but there's basically nothing remotely enjoyable about this otherwise. Every side character is dull as dishwater, and the mains are so awful you kind of want the whole apartment to get blown up by aliens or something. Preferably some big gorilla wolf motherfuckers. Draft Day - Ivan Reitman died today, and I'm surprised he didn't die earlier, of shame, after directing this fucking turkey. "Hey, the Super Bowl's tomorrow, why not watch a football movie?" What a stupid fucking idea that was. This has a big pile of split-screen garbage to tell the story, even more totally extraneous chyrons and stuff to tell us that THE CHIEFS PLAY IN KANSAS CITY because apparently only nonagenarians with advanced dementia were part of the focus group who screened this, and Denis Leary plays the only football coach less beloved than Urban Meyer. Seriously, if he tried to coach a football team, he'd end up hung on the goalpost Silence of the Lambs-style. Oh, and I'm surprised there was any audible dialogue at any point, over the GAWK GAWK GAWK sounds being made to pleasure the NFL. What a waste of almost two hours. Still not as bad as The Crow: Wicked Prayer, though! The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009) - I do not miss Tony Scott fucking things up, I can tell you that. I'm not some big defender of the original - it's pretty good, but Walter Matthau as the hero? Really? But you'd have to be high on bath salts to think this is better. Travolta is, you know, the absolute hammiest asshole on whatever bullshit Scientology planet he thinks exists, and the direction is some of the most pointlessly annoying crap you can dream up. Hey, more step-printing, because clearly that means the movie is better! Those foreign guys do it! Hey, let's have a totally optional bunch of stunts and craziness involving the ransom money, because we don't have enough action scenes that mean absolutely nothing to anyone! And the ending. Jesus. You really expect me to believe that NYPD would see a Black man drawing down on a white dude, and they'd let him shoot the white dude? GTFOH. Travolta could have literally had a baby carcass halfway stuffed down his gullet, and they'd have still shot Denzel. Be real, please. Afternoon Delight - Hoooo boy, why? Why does this exist? This feels like a racier version of Nicole Holofcener's movie Please Give, except it doesn't feel like the point of this is that all the bougie motherfuckers are supposed to be people you loathe (only some of them). But guess what, loathe them all you do. This feels like about 15 minutes of an idea that somehow got stretched out to movie length, and they were hoping that Kathryn Hahn and Jane Lynch would be funny enough to actually pull it off. Well, no. There's maybe one really good scene in it where Hahn gets drunk off her ass and is totally inappropriate for a good stretch of time, but otherwise this is either tepid, unfunny, derivative of the way Arrested Development was shot, or all three at once. No Acceptables! It's just shit and Awesome this time! Awesome Frank - Jesus, is this something else. Maybe the most out-there movie of the decade next to Swiss Army Man. Of course, it helps when you have a real person to base the details on, but there's so much to love about this. Maggie Gyllenhaal is actually pretty great for once - I guess it was her one good performance for the 2010s. Fassbender is almost somehow a better actor with a giant fake head than he is with his actual one. The music - cripes, the music is both undeniably interesting also so crazy-bird cuckoo-pants that you genuinely wish there was a band out there touring with this stuff, and making more of it. It never stops being totally ridiculous and so thoroughly involved in doing its own thing for its own sake that you never quite know where the laughs will come from, but there are plenty of them. I'm kind of sick to death of Domnhall Gleeson now, though at least he plays one of his (appropriately) least likable Everyman characters here. I should have watched this sooner. Million billion stars. The Wolf of Wall Street - I finally dug this out of the back of my shelf and played it before the game yesterday. JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZUS. The only reason this is in Awesome instead of Winner is because of the tired-as-Hell "let me tell you my story" story that goes on for far too long. There are too many times when Leo and Jonah are up to their wacky hijinx, and those events end up blending together, or are at least greatly overshadowed by the most ridiculous ones. But the best parts of this - the morning fight scene in the bedroom with Margot Robbie throwing water in his face; the entirety of the Lemmon's scene; the bacchanals on the plane and in the office; and the acting, holy shit, the acting - are the best things Marty's done in decades. Since Goodfellas at least. But it's funny, really, that he's spent the last few years getting embroiled in the dumb criticisms of Marvel, since this very movie is every bit as much a spectacle as any MCU film. It's Marty's version of a spotfest, when you really look at it. There aren't a lot of things that legitimately keep the movie tied together, except maybe for Robbie's performance, since she's the only character who actually changes so much as an iota during the film. Everything else is so thoroughly unhinged that you're just hopping from one insane shitshow to the next, simply wondering how anyone could do that many drugs and stay remotely functional for that long. But Leo got robbed, Jonah Hill got robbed of an Oscar (I can't fucking believe I'm saying that), and McConaughey could have been in the Best Supporting mix or even won it himself. And the ending is pretty great, full of every bit of moral ambiguity that the movie deserves. But when I looked at movies I ranked above it, I just realized...nah, I can't *quite* put this past them. I think this would fall at or just outside my Top 30 for the 2010s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John from Cincinnati Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Draft Day is unforgivably godawful, but as a fan of the Blank Check pod I'm happy it exists. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 (edited) Finally discovered the neighborhood Redbox and rented a couple things: the Sopranos movie (already seen), Cop Shop, and Pig, and just watched the last one. Ooofta. A stunning, powerful film about... well, I can't give that away. I tend to hate it when reviews say "I can't spoil this by talking about it" but I just can't. Suffice it to say it is probably the best role Nic Cage has ever had. And I really, really wish Tony Bourdain could have seen this movie. Recommended for absolutely everyone here, albeit to say you might end up bawling your eyes out. EDIT: If you need to lighten your load afterwards, the special features have Nic being taught how to cook by a chef in a legit restaurant. With the same beard and hair length as in the movie. Edited February 16, 2022 by Curt McGirt 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swift Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Following the above post and seemingly universal positive reviews on letterboxd, I appear to be on an island here in just not loving Pig. It was fine, but I honestly just can't see why people are fawning over it. Must be a me problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swift Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Might as well add some thoughts on movies I've watched this week. First two are rewatches. Terminator 2 still as amazing as ever. For some reason, I literally never noticed until this watch that when T-1000 is flying the helicopter, he's grown himself extra hands so he can fly and shoot at the same time. No idea how that passed me by. Liar Liar also still a lot of fun, though I was surprised by the amount of sex jokes given that it's essentially a family film. Carrey flails around like a Looney Tunes character here. He's on top form. Full Tilt Boogie Behind the scenes documentary on the shoot of From Dusk 'Til Dawn. I did some video production in university, and have always secretly harboured dreams of working in film, but this film kinda soured me on the fantasy in my head. Seemingly long hours of boredom with intermittent chaos and then partying through the night to do it all again the next day. Probably would've been fun in my twenties, but sounds hellish to me now. The Pond Serbian folk horror effort, filmed in English. Some interesting cinematography and production design, but it's all just randomly thrown out there as if the director wanted to get every idea he ever had on screen. I liked the lead's performance but a lot of the cast are as wooden as I've ever seen. To be fair, some of them are kids but it's on the director for hiring these particular kids. Part of it may also have been Serbians writing English dialogue for them. Bad, bad film. @Zola Crazy story based on an infamous series of tweets (I'd never previously heard of them, but I'm not exactly in the social media sphere) where a stripper decides to go to Florida with another stripper she's just met to make money. Reminded me of Sean Baker's work. Some fun performances all around but ultimately it's somewhat forgettable fluff. Kimi Entertaining techno paranoia from Soderbergh. Zoe Kravitz may be the prettiest woman on the planet (loved her in the criminally cancelled High Fidelity) and she brings a lot of physicality to her role here. I never noticed how tiny she is as a person but she uses it here to show how meek and anxious her agoraphobic character is. She has to leave her apartment at some point and Kravitz stiffens her body to create a unique walk for her character. She has a very cartoonish run though, hands scrambling tightly to her chest, and I've no idea if that's the character's style or the actor's. Kinda funny. Good film, with a Home Alone homage near the end, but the film ties up too quickly and neatly to the point where I wonder if Soderbergh just wasn't as interested in that aspect and just cared more about the Rear Window vibes. The Handmaiden Eroticism and literature in films are always a winning combo for me. Amazingly good scam artist story, though the last 20 mins of this 140 minute movie are very rushed and maybe could've been excised completely. Also, I never complain about male gaze, but well, some of this was very male gazey. Janet Jackson This is the 4 hour doc series that aired recently. Very safe and uncontroversial with the doc not pressing for strong opinions from Janet on her rumoured 80s pregnancy, her father's violence or allegations about her brother. She seems like a nice person, but is either uninteresting or very, very guarded. Maybe growing up in a fishbowl would make you that way though. The doc also touches on that devastating time in American history when some people saw a nipple and the whole of society collapsed. Even now, the doc skirts around it, not showing the footage or a photograph, not even blurred. Bizarrely puritan society. Anyway, the highlights of the doc are the inclusion of home movies filmed in the recording studio during Rhythm Nation and later collaborating with her brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(BP) Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 It’s been over 20 years since I’ve seen Full Tilt Boogie, but one of the main things I took away from it was that people are indeed having lots of sex while working on movie productions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizium Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Re: @Zola I haven't watched the movie yet, but if anyone has not read the original twitter thread, I highly recommend you do https://www.dontdiewondering.com/check-out-the-full-zola-twitter-thread-ahead-of-jaw-dropping-new-movie/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odessasteps Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Disappointed the Zola movie neither about Emile nor Arnim. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabe Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Movies! Atomic Blonde - Charlize Theron is a female John Wick or something and she's on a mission to recover a list of agents or something. She apparently likes bathtubs full of ice so the movie can have her get naked multiple times. And it's filmed in some alternate universe where everything is tinted blue. This is a choppy, uninteresting mess and I gave up after 30 minutes. 0/10. The Last Unicorn - 1982 animated version of a children's book. America, one of my favorite bands, did the soundtrack, so I watched the movie because of that. Tells the story of a unicorn who fears she may be the last of her kind and goes out seeking to find out. Along the way, she runs into a wizard, a king, mythical creatures, and more. This is a great-looking animated movie by 1982 standards, made by Rankin & Bass, makers of the stop-motion Christmas movies everyone loves. The cast is loaded - Mia Farrow, Alan Arkin, Jeff Daniels, Angela Lansbury, and more. Unfortunately, the story is a mess and very disjointed, making this a disappointment. 3/10. Love the music though, despite being cheesy. Friends With Benefits - Justin Timberlake & Mila Kunis are driven professionals who become friends when she headhunts him for a job. They decide to try for FWB and standard movie plotlines ensue. This is average and obvious, with a couple funny moments, boosted by having super-hot leads. 5/10. In my defense, I chose this to watch because I was building A Lego set at the same time and needed a low effort movie. It succeeded in that respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(BP) Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 I’m an Atomic Blonde apologist. The screenplay needed to go through at least two more drafts, but I love the 80s Berlin backdrop. It’s also fun to have an action spy thriller that’s a throwback to when people could just get in nasty fistfights and that was enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odessasteps Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 My complaint is still what I thought was the predictability of the twist ending. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(BP) Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, odessasteps said: My complaint is still what I thought was the predictability of the twist ending. Yes, the ending has at least two twists too many and it has one of the most overused needle drops in movie soundtracks. Still kind of love it for the atmosphere and the fight choreography. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odessasteps Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 I agree with that, but I think the ending would negate any repeated viewing. Much like the film i said it reminded me of. Spoiler No way out 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(BP) Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 There are movies with twists that make you want to revisit the film to experience it with new context, and there are ones where they clearly cheated and it’s annoying, so I get it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 (edited) Second time seeing it because I remember really liking it the first time: Safe Haven - After doing a remake of Footloose, Julianne Hough stars in what is basically a remake of Sleeping With the Enemy, as written by Nicholas Sparks. Hough escapes her abusive husband and flees to a small town and... you know the rest. This isn't terrible and Hough is gorgeous but she's a terrible actress with an annoying hoarse/raspy voice so it never rises above mediocre. 5/10. Edited February 21, 2022 by Tabe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Fowler Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 I have never seen Draft Day, but I have a friend who loves that movie so much she became a Browns fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Fowler Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Also, Atomic Blond was flawed, but it was really fucking fun 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 9 hours ago, Brian Fowler said: I have never seen Draft Day, but I have a friend who loves that movie so much she became a Browns fan Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh There's so much wrong with this story I don't know where to begin. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(BP) Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 10 hours ago, Tabe said: Second time seeing it because I remember really liking it the first time: Safe Haven - After doing a remake of Footloose, Julianne Hough stars in what is basically a remake of Sleeping With the Enemy, as written by Nicholas Sparks. Hough escapes her abusive husband and flees to a small town and... you know the rest. This isn't terrible and Hough is gorgeous but she's a terrible actress with an annoying hoarse/raspy voice so it never rises above mediocre. 5/10. Speaking of twists, Safe Haven has an all timer because it’s insane and tacked on to a movie that didn’t need it and that fundamentally changes the reality of everything that happened before it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 3 hours ago, Contentious C said: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh There's so much wrong with this story I don't know where to begin. Fowler started with "I have a friend" so you know the whole story is fiction. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 2 hours ago, (BP) said: Speaking of twists, Safe Haven has an all timer because it’s insane and tacked on to a movie that didn’t need it and that fundamentally changes the reality of everything that happened before it. LOL, yes, it does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuetsar Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Watched the Kingsman last night, and its such a schizophrenic piece of shit. Doesn't really get good until the last 20 minutes or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) It's funny when the pages work out like this, with a big pile of opinions you never wanted bookending the thread. Movies! Day 223 (Jesus, that's a lot of days) of This Movie Nonsense, Why Do People Make Indie Films If All They Make Is Crap Edition! Hot Garbage She Never Died - I suppose in terms of premise, this could have been interesting if it had a real cast, a real script, a real director, and a better sense of flow, but wow, this bungles, um, all of those things. I don't like doing spoilers, but let's just say this isn't your usual supernatural thing, it's more a Biblical one, so...yeah, it gets bizarre toward the end. And really, that's where it gets particularly bad, because you realize the *idea* isn't the worst one but it was so poorly handled that you almost wish someone had never had the idea at all. Plus, it sets itself up like it's going to do a sequel to this, but please don't. There is literally one character in the whole film who saves this from threatening the Hot Hot So Hot Sulfur Fire category that the likes of Seventh Son and The Crow: Wicked Prayer inhabits, so, thanks for the spunky sidekick, at least? Trucker - Way too many good actors in this for this to be so shitty and predictable. Oh look, hard-drinking, hard-living mom who abandoned her kid suddenly has to take care of her kid again. I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS FOR THE NEXT NINETY MINUTES. HMMMMMMMM. HMMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. It's seriously that fucking dumb of a movie. You literally could come up with every emotional beat of the film (except for maybe the awful rapey bit at the end) off the top of your head from other films you've seen. Obvious garbage is obvious. The Outsiders && - I'm counting this as a rewatch, even though I have literally never sat down specifically to watch it until now. But, like so many other early 80s movies, it has existed in the periphery of my childhood memories for so long that I feel like I must have seen it when I was very young. God, this is terrible. How did so many people become famous after this? It's probably Coppola's worst movie, at least that I've seen. I think even Godfather III has more going for it than this. Every weird camera shot or directorial choice is something obtrusive and annoying, rather than something that makes good sense. Ralph Macchio is basically the only character who makes you give a rat's ass about him, and Matt Dillon's whole...whatever mostly made me think he had all of it coming for being a giant idiot from the word 'go'. I guess it's an interesting snapshot of a certain period in recent American history, but weren't there enough other movies that did this better? Acceptable Nobody Walks - This was awfully close to the Hot Garbage territory, but, like the next movie, it takes something of a sudden turn and you start seeing a lot of the film very differently once it's cast in a new light. The main character seems to be just kind of flitting in and out of other people's existences as kind of a disruptive force, but it's really the wrong read - or maybe a very male read - on the whole thing. Instead, what you end up with is a mix of different female characters who all have their own shitty instances of power dynamics they have to constantly navigate, because the men in their lives don't know how to keep their opinions (and other things) to themselves. It's mostly the teenage daughter who ends up unlocking the whole thing, as she's the only person who gets the opportunity to not only make her own choices but also rejects her less appropriate options (her scummy tutor teaching her Italian) in an awesomely cruel way. This came out in 2012 and seems about 5 years early with its message, if anything. The first half is maybe not so interesting, but it gets going eventually. The Last Time - Who knows why that's the title; there's literally no explanation in the whole movie of any kind. But this has Michael Keaton and Brendan Fraser as high-pressure salesmen, and the first hour or so is weird, disjointed, and poorly-done at times. This feels like it's trying to be about 4 different movies at once: part Glengarry Glen Ross, part Office Space, part "colleague cheats with colleague's SO" and part introspective soul-searching. Oddly enough, it's only that last bit that works even a little, because hey, Michael Keaton is really fucking good at his job. Not a lot of guys can pull off the combo of Everyman likability, batshit crazy intensity, and leading-man charm he musters up for this. But, the movie still doesn't really work until you get to the last 10 minutes, where this pulls a fricking ENORMOUS swerve - think something out of Succession - and all is revealed. I'm not sure why this is listed as a comedy, because...it ain't that. But somehow, once you see how everything fit together, it...kind of isn't awful? Landline - Oof. This is...all right at times. It's hard to have this many decent actors and be a huge pile of shit, but it's decidedly in the mediocre realm. It probably doesn't help that Edie Falco resembles my mother, and here, she's *behaving* like my mother, so, hey, I get enough of that every time I call her, OK? I don't need films with it. And Jenny Slate is...I don't know how best to put it. She's just so odd-looking and distractingly quirky that I have a hard time conceptualizing her as a sexual being, even in a movie where her character is intensely sexual. But there's good work between her and Abby Quinn, who do all the heavy lifting between them. But it also continues the trend of indie stuff that just makes you wonder if this was really someone's best idea of what to do with a few months of their time. Very Good Girls - Hey, finally, something that would be worth seeing again. Elizabeth Olson I love, but it's really Dakota Fanning who shines in this movie. I haven't really ever been that impressed with her, but she brings the goods here, even if she still is only the second-best actor in her family. This is even more stuffed with recognizable faces than Landline was, and frankly not many of them really add a lot, except Richard Dreyfus, of all people, who's only in the movie for about 3 minutes and nearly manages to steal the thing. This really gets the "halfway house between childhood and adulthood" aspect of this time of life pretty right, though, and it feels like it was made with a little more empathy and understanding in mind for all its characters. It's hard to put my finger on, but this just looks a lot less flat and lifeless than some of the other movies I watched, and it's better for it. Beasts of the Southern Wild && - I probably underrate this, but I liked it more the first time I saw it, whereas this time it just didn't connect with me. The acting is great - that might be putting it mildly - but I don't know if anything else about this quite works for me, except for how well it gets into the headspace of a kid, that tendency to think that the problems you have are the only ones in existence and anything bigger than you is somehow your fault. But I wonder how many other indie movies look grainy and choppy like this does because this was such a hit. Plus, Louisiana was having a little moment in 2012, and let's face it, True Detective made nature look even more terrifying. I thought about rewatching this for the 2010s list, but now I'm kind of glad I didn't, since I doubt it would have made my list anyway. Maybe I'll see it again in another 10 years and change my mind once more. Awesome Citizen Ruth - Alexander Payne at maybe his Payniest. I don't know if anyone else could have pulled off this Jedi mind trick that Laura Dern has going on in this movie. She's the perfect person to be sympathetic and dumb and naive and crazy and selfish and vicious all in the same scene. It's also hilarious that Burt Reynolds was cast as an anti-abortion leader, since he probably paid for this movie's cost in abortions in his lifetime. I didn't entirely care for how the film does some both-sides-ism, which I think is a bit of false equivalence given everything that's happened in the last 40+ years of the issue, but it does capture how easily the culture wars lose sight of real people, both metaphorically and literally, given the ending. The rest of the cast is great, although I feel like there was a whole chunk of stuff involving Alicia Witt's rebellious teenage daughter that ended up on the cutting room floor that would have been interesting to see. Payne is one of those guys who's either a big hit (Election, Sideways) or a big miss (About Schmidt) for me, but this is definitely in the hit ledger. Edited February 22, 2022 by Contentious C 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 First one. Chose Jackass Forever (2022) and I was nearly crying with laughter at some points. One of the funniest films I've seen at the cinema. There were wince inducing parts also. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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