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Starrcade ’99 notes:

  • Scott Hudson runs down the card for the penultimate Starrcade. I see WWE brought the name back at some point based on my lookup for this show in Peacock, but I don’t count anything WWE did under this name, so “penultimate Starrcade” it will be.

 

  • According to Hudson in that voice over, Vampiro is known as “The Dark Angel.” I thought that was Jessica Alba?

 

  • The only babyfaces who have consistently come out on top in the build to this show are Disco Inferno and Lash LeRoux. The Mamalukes (w/Tony Marinara) need to win this tag opener to save any face. Well, they don’t need to. They could always lose this, then be relegated to the Worldwide/WCWSN circuit until this company closes. Or, you know, WCW could just release them instead of releasing better talents (Mona, for example).

 

  • Vito beats down LeRoux to start. Bobby Heenan, on color with Hudson and Tony S., complains about how cheap LeRoux’s beads are. Heenan’s got to be near wrapping up with this company. I know WCW execs shed a bunch of salary in 2000, from Bret Hart to the aforementioned Mona. I complain about Heenan, but even 1999 Heenan is leagues better than Mark FUCKING Madden.

 

  • Anyway, Disco is the only remotely interesting worker in this match, so after Lash comes back and tags him in, things are okay. Disco scores a couple of one-and-two counts on the Bull. While Disco takes a shot to the head from Vito and transitions to playing FIP, let me also say that Scott Hudson’s style reminds me a lot of Mauro Ranallo. Unlike many wrestling fans on the internet, I am exactly neutral on Ranallo and therefore Hudson as well.

 

  • This FIP segment exists as a perfectly acceptable segment, honestly. The Mamalukes hit a couple of nice double-team moves. Vito takes waaaaaaaay too long to drop a second-rope splash, which allows Disco to score a hot tag to LeRoux. Lash lands punches and back body drops; the Bull and Vito cross wires when the Bull charges Lash in the corner and hits Vito instead. They again cross wires when whipped into one another; Lash and Disco score more offense. Disco and Vito spill outside while Lash and the Bull go at it in the ring. The Bull tries a springboard that he nearly blows, which seems about right, and misses a springboard guillotine legdrop. Lash puts the Bull down and Disco follows with a Frog Splash; Vito breaks the pinfall up with a diving double axe. Vito rolls the Bull onto Disco, but Lash saves.

 

  • This finishing run actually ended up being quite good. Disco and Lash are the next – and last – to get their wires crossed, as Vito shoves his way out of a Chartbuster attempt, and then ducks a charging Lash who runs himself right into a blind Chartbuster from Disco. Vito hits an elevated DDT on a stunned Lash as the Bull holds Disco back and the ref counts three. Disco catches a beatdown after the match and gets chloroformed and stuffed in a body bag. The Mamalukes carry him out of the building.

 

  • Boy, a ten-plus minute tag match with no run-ins, minimal outside interference from Tony Marinara, and a proper shine-heat-comeback segment with a nice finish. You know what? Maybe I’m overrating things because this match is a beacon of regular-ass quality wrestling in a sea of short matches, overbooking, and run-ins, but it’s (improbably, considering the workers in this thing) going on my Good Matches list.

 

  • For some reason, after the Mamalukes take him backstage, they take time to rip Disco out of the bag and toss him in the trunk of their car before they drive off.

 

  • Scott Hall is out of the ladder match with Benoit – bummer – so Hall is once again stripped of the U.S. Championship! It's the second time this year! Hall’s apparently nursing a knee injury. Benoit is now the U.S. Champ by forfeit. He comes out here to a nice babyface pop. Benoit was going to win that ladder match, I’m sure of it, and I wonder how *ahem* legit Hall’s knee injury is. Excuse me if he actually is nursing a knee injury, but it’s Hall. For obvious reasons, I wonder. Benoit issues an open challenge for his gold because he’s not about winning titles by forfeit.

 

  • Evan Karagias (w/Spice) defends his WCW Cruiserweight Championship against Madusa in the second bout of the night. I could be paranoid since Russo is booking, but this screams swerve, right? I said it in one of the more recent reviews, but Spice showing up out of nowhere to get with Evan seems like exactly the type of misdirection Russo loves.

 

  • Karagias is absolutely a joke character, so using him like this is fine. Using the Cruiserweight Championship like this is another story. Madusa attacks Karagias early and Evan gets a pop when he finally tags her back. He tries an Asai moonsault and misses; Madusa lands a jumping back kick and then a missile dropkick. Well, more like a front dropkick; she’s not shaped like a missile when she jumps.

 

  •  A second front dropkick is blocked, and Karagias goes back into control before Madusa bridges out of a pinfall attempt, then lands a very sloppy powerbomb. Karagias gets out of further control by snapping Madusa’s neck on the ropes, then hitting her with a top-rope splash at ringside. At this point, we go into the finish; Evan puts her back in the ring, so Spice distracts Evan by seducing him over, then weakly ballshotting him while Madusa equally weakly forearms him from behind. Poor old joke character Evan has to sell all this before Madusa hits him with a bridging German for three. Heenan, stating Vince Russo’s theory on womanhood after the match: “Women always set up men, and men always fall for it!”

 

  • Norman Smiley’s wearing a Redsk Commanders jersey as he tries to cut an interview about wrestling Meng without freaking out. He freaks out anyway, then admonishes a producer for “making sudden moves like that…I almost soiled my pants.” Gene, looking at the seat of Smiley’s tights: “You did.” Heh heh.

 

  • Meng, who I know is the final WCW Hardcore Champion, looks to win it for the first time against Normam Smiley, who brings the requisite bin full of plundah. Norm has a Champ Bailey jersey on, but his helmet does not sport the then-logo of the Washington Football Team. Meng clubbers. Meng plundahs. Norm screams. The match goes immediately to the backstage area. Tony S. gamely does his best to explain the screaming as a kayfabe strategy to shock a guy and get him to beg off for a second, theoretically giving Norm an opening. They brawl through catering; Meng misses a cinderblock toss. Norm sprays an extinguisher at Meng, then dives through a screen to escape when that doesn’t work. Finlay and Knobbs run up from out of nowhere and attack Meng. THA MONSTA hangs on for as long as he can, but gets clocked with a lead pipe and laid out. Smiley, who was hiding behind a table and under the cloth screen for that attack, sneaks over and pins Meng for three. The crowd thought that Norm was very funny and he got a nice pop for winning. After the match, Meng wakes up when the ref checks on him, and that poor bastard Nick Patrick gets TDG’d.

 

  • Daffney’s sent another present to Dopey Dave: A golden crowbar.

 

  • Dr. Death and Oklahoma get the latter’s mic ready in the locker room before their match. Oklahoma leaves the room while Doc is still tying up his boots, and the Misfits jump Oklahoma and drag him off somewhere.

 

  • Recap: How did we get here with the Revolution and why are they feuding with midcard janitor Jim Duggan?

 

  • Mike Tenay asks Duggan who his partners are, but he pledges to keep them a secret until the moment they hit the ring. He hits a HOOOOOOOO and the crowd also hits a HOOOOOOOO and, look, Duggan is still over as a babyface. I clown on the guy all the time, but he’s just over, man. WCW’s primary audience at this point is into him.

 

  • The Revolution hits the ring. Shane “The Fraudchise” Douglas insists on doing some generic yammering over the house mic before the match. I get a kick out of Duggan’s TurnerTron video including shots of him cramming down Ex-Lax brownies and scrubbing a toilet. Duggan now insists on grabbing the mic and introduces his partners: The Varsity Club?! Hold on. Mike Rotundo and Rick Steiner? With Kevin Sullivan? And Kimona Wanalaya Leia Meow in a skimpy cheerleading outfit? I don’t even remember reading that the Varsity Club came back at the time.

 

  • I have so many kayfabe-focused questions. For one, why would Russo give Kevin Sullivan a special dispensation to wrestle again after Sully was forcibly retired by Chris Benoit almost three years ago? Why would Rick Steiner, who we last saw was a heartless prick (except when he helped his buddy Sid away from ringside after Sid was mauled by Goldberg) agree to help Hacksaw? Which one of them contracted Leia for her managerial services?

 

  • This match is what it is. Duggan works the match while ignoring his partners and getting his ass kicked; Douglas yammers on commentary. The Varsity Club finally rushes the ring after the Revolution all triple team Duggan at once. They clear most of the ring and hit Asya with a Sullivan charge out of the Tree of Woe before turning on Duggan and leaving him lying. Douglas gets up from commentary, slides in the ring, and covers Duggan for three. Then, he talks some more on the house mic. This wasn’t bad enough to make a list or anything, but it’s a perfect example of overbooked, over-talky nonsense from this era.

 

  • Okerlund interviews the Misfits in an unidentified location. They’ve appropriated the shark cage from the Revolution or whomever had it last; Oklahoma’s in it as “can’t run, can’t hide” insurance if Vampiro does manage to take down Doc.

 

  • Vampiro wrestles Dr. Death next; if Vamp wins, he gets a five-minute match with Oklahoma. The Misfits wheel Oklahoma to the ring as he begs Tony S. to use whatever stroke he has to get him out of the cage over the mic. Tony S. says he doesn’t have any stroke, then tells Oklahoma that the family says hello. Heh.

 

  • So, this match exists. The big draw, depending on how you feel about Ed Ferrara’s ability to do comedy, is that Oklahoma commentates this match from the cage while alternating between confidence and terror depending on whether or not Doc is in control. They fight outside, get in the ring, and trade chops back and forth before Doc lands a couple of football tackles and takes over. Doc lands a gunshot of a chop in there, and he hits a big overhead superplex, too. The rest of this is nondescript. Doc is still good, but Vampiro sucks, so there’s a lid on the quality of this match.

 

  • The Misfits flood the ring after the overhead superplex. They stink at fighting, but they give Vampiro enough time to recover and hit a spinning front kick. Vampiro next tries a wheel kick and gets back suplexed. Doc does some clubbering, tosses the ref away once when the ref tries to break it up, and then goes back to clubbering. He tosses the persistent ref away again, and that’s it. That’s the finish. Charles Robinson DQs him and awards the bout to Vampiro. Oklahoma, after initially freaking out that Doc lost, realizes that Vampiro is down after all that clubbering and wants to get out of the cage as quickly as possible to press his advantage.

 

  • After security backs a crazed Doc away and the crowd starts a BORING chant, Doug Dellinger unlocks the cage. Oklahoma commentates his own beating of Vampiro. Black Snow did this sort of thing like a billion times better roughly a decade from then. So, get this: Oklahoma holds his own against Vampiro. He even gets a jumping DDT off and turns back an initial Vampiro comeback. Eventually, Vampiro hits a uranage and the Misfits jump in.  They all beat up Oklahoma before Vampiro lands a Nail in the Coffin for three. Boy, we’re edging closer to the Dirt Worst list with each match. I have to think about if this makes it. Yeah, just the Oklahoma match does.

 

  • Curt Hennig and Russo’s Mooks try to get some direction from Russo himself, but Russo's distracted by something big that’s going down later.

 

  • Tenay interviews Harlem Heat. Booker is trying to paper over the cracks in this team, but Stevie is now jealous of Midnight. Stevie is always jealous of anything that gets popping without his direct involvement. Crab-in-a-barrel ass dude. He walks out on their team before the six-person tag they’re having against Russo’s Mooks.

 

  • So, Curt Hennig and Creative Control think they have a three-on-two advantage against Booker T. and Midnight. Maybe they do! This seems like a place where Paul Orndorff might pop up, but as it turns out, he never does. Creative Control sucks, man, and Ga/oP barely understands the concept of getting into position for an arm drag at one point. This match stinks, and I have no interest in heel control segments with Booker selling for Creative Control and Hennig, which is what most of this match is. Most of the rest of it is Midnight selling for Creative Control and Hennig. Stevie comes out to make amends with Booker, but Book has finally had it with his jealous-ass brother.

 

  • This match goes on FOREVER. This is the one time that Russo should have just had a two-minute special. PLEASE get to the finish already. Midnight finally dodges an ugly second-rope elbow and gets a hot tag, but Stevie distracts the ref. Hennig jumps in and punches Book with brass knuckles, and Pa/oG covers Booker while Stevie prevents Midnight from breaking up the pinfall. The best this dipshit Russo had for Booker is breaking up with Stevie again. Hmph. Anyway, this was fucking garbage.

 

  • Remember when this show started out with a fun tag opener? It feels like years ago.

 

  • Dustin Rhodes interviews with Mike Tenay. Dustin’s still mad about his dad being fired, but he can’t even finish the interview before Jeff Jarrett jumps him and they brawl toward the ring. It’s another weapon-heavy brawl, which again, is not what I want out of a Bunkhouse Brawl. I want punches with taped fists and cowboy boot shots. It’s too bad because I was interested in a bloody brawl between these two, or even a brawl with minimal or no blood. Instead, I get Dustin slamming Jarrett into a wheelbarrow, which is a dumb garbage bump for a dumb garbage brawl. I feel somewhat cheated, so Jarrett’s taking that bump for nothing as far as I’m concerned.

 

  • They finally make the ring, and Dustin grabs a cowbell, one of the few appropriate weapons for this type of match. Eventually, Billy Silverman gets in the way to try and stop the brutality too much even though this is a fucking Bunkhouse Brawl, so Dustin duct tapes him to the ropes. He also tapes a yelling Silverman’s mouth, which gets a pop. Curt Hennig comes down to get involved. Oh my gosh, this is not the wave. Hennig frees Silverman while Jarrett has Dustin under control. The only spot in this match that I love is Jarrett slamming a kendo stick over Dustin’s back; half the stick flies into the crowd with a loud CRACK, and both Hennig and Silverman stop their spot over in the corner to watch the sliver of stick fly as the crowd goes OHHHHH.

 

  • Hennig interferes from the outside and eventually, after Dustin covers Jarrett after a Shattered Dreams and Hennig yanks Silverman out of the ring, Dustin lands a Shattered Dreams on Hennig before being dumped back to ringside by Jarrett. They brawl back up the aisle, and eventually Hennig joins them. Dustin hits Hennig with a bulldog on the floor, but that gives Jarrett space to climb the ladder on the set and leap off with a guitar shot that gets three. Look, I can’t say that was a terrible match, but it was maybe the most disappointing match of the night. They worked another junk hardcore match instead of a proper hateful brawl.

 

  • Backstage, David Flair uses his golden crowbar to beat another headless teddy bear that he’s received.

 

  • Recap: The Page vs. Flair feud is being worked in almost every possible combination. Unfortunately.

 

  • Okerlund interviews DDP about this Crowbar-on-a-Pole Match that should only last like two minutes. Page should kill this guy. I mean, Page should kill this guy after he finishes cutting this standard mediocre interview.

 

  • Flair jumps Page with his golden crowbar before the match. Lil’ Naitch takes it away and tells Dopey Dave that he hasn’t won until he gets the crowbar on the pole. While Robinson attends to Page, let me tell you that it’s wild how quickly these feuds and angles pass now. Russo was only in power for a total of, what, seven months across two stints? Robinson consults with Penzer over DDP's fallen form, but Page stops Penzer before he can relay Robinson’s decision to end the match by forfeit. OK, shouldn’t Flair lose for attacking his opponent before the match? That’d be a DQ win for Page, not a forfeit loss for Page.

 

  • Meanwhile, David Flair isn’t what you’d call good, but he’s acceptable enough. He’s a joke character, and he wrestles well enough for a joke character (who is, admittedly, crazed and therefore at least slightly dangerous). Page also bumps around for Dave quite nicely, which helps. DDP lands a discus clothesline to stop a Flair flurry, but Flair lands a ball shot and thinks about going up for the crowbar before deciding to lock a Figure Four on Page. DDP turns the hold over, so Dave releases it, goes after the crowbar, and grabs it. He gets down, swings wildly at Page, and whiffs; Page hooks him in a quick Diamond Cutter and gets three. After the match, Page puts Dave up in the corner and hits an elevated Diamond Cutter, then prepares to whack Dave in the nads with the crowbar until Daffney’s nutty ass runs down and covers Dave; Page backs off, threatens to hit Robinson with a Diamond Cutter, and decides to just leave the ring without doing any further damage to anyone. I typically dislike that goth look, but Daffney makes it work. I’m glad she’s going to be on WCW television regularly.

 

  • Recap: Liz, Sting, and The Total Package have a feud over Liz’s managerial services.

 

  • Sometimes friends, sometimes foes The Total Package and Sting (w/Liz) hook it up. This seems like an almost too obvious spot for Liz to swerve Sting. There is a “free Liz from her contract” stip on this match, by the way. I think this stip got mentioned at some point in the last week or ten days before this show, but I’m not sure if I relayed it in any of my reviews. Before the match, Sting makes Liz swap out her mace for his can of “super high octane” stuff. I’m so glad that Sting is smarter than he’s ever been before. Sting making precautions against getting screwed over is the best.

 

  • So, the finish will involve Liz trying to mace Sting and only spraying water or something in his face. What else do we get as part of the finish? First, we have to go through the match itself, which starts with Package jumping Sting as Sting gets into the ring. There’s an obligabrawl early on, and speaking of things that happened and that passed by as if a blip, Sting was a heel this year. Do you remember that? He was a heel for like two months. This year has been something. Can you believe that this is the same year in which Rey was both a reluctant member of the lWo and an enthusiastic member of the Filthy Animals? He feuded with the ICP at one point! Boy, nothing felt even medium-term important this year except for DDP’s short run with the big gold and the Goldberg/Sid feud.

 

  • Oh yeah, this match. A bunch of punches and a double-clothesline spot later, Liz gets in the ring with the can of mace. She checks on Package; Sting, back to his feet, totes expected this. She stands up and sprays Sting with silly string rather than the mace that she expects to spray at him. Package tries to jump Sting while Sting kicks Liz out of the ring, but it doesn’t work. Sting then goes back to kicking the crap out of Package and lands a top-rope splash for two. Sting follows up with a face crusher and a pair of Stinger Splashes, then locks on a Scorpion Deathlock…no, wait, Liz gets in there holding Sting’s bat. Sting releases Package and lectures Liz. She releases the bat, then as Sting turns around and wraps Package in a Scorpion Deathlock, she picks it back up and waffles Sting in the face to draw a disqualification. Liz quickly grabs a chair and wedges it on Sting’s wrist; Package Pillmanizes Sting’s wrist while Sting is still in night-night land from the bat shot.

 

  • Recap: Kevin Nash and Sid think they’re each the best at powerbombing dudes, decide to try and powerbomb one another.

 

  • Sid comes out to his un-dubbed theme. Actually, the Network dub of his WCW theme has definitely grown on me, though I still think they should have dubbed his WWF theme over his WCW appearances. Tony S. mentions that Scott Hall is out “for an indefinite amount of time.” It’s almost 2000; is last week’s Nitro the last we’ve seen of Scott Hall in WCW, except for his portrait cameo in that one Jeff Jarrett/Booker T. title match? If so, I’ll just reiterate what I said before: Hall might have been the most over guy in WCW during the Nitro Era, and yes, I’m including Goldberg. If Goldberg is 1, Hall is 1B at worst.

 

  • Nash makes it to the ring, and look, I generally like Nash and I almost always like Sid, but they’re typically not good dance partners for one another. Nash dominates early, but Sid comes back with a quick boot and sets up for a powerbomb that Nash dodges with a shot to the nads. Sid spills outside, and Nash follows. He tries to powerbomb Sid on the floor, but Sid shoves him away and they have a slow obligabrawl outside the ring. Sid’s back is slashed open somehow. A chair gets involved, but it means almost nothing considering that almost every other match had a bunch of weapon spots.

 

  • Back in the ring, Sid hits a clothesline and then a nice legdrop. I really like Sid’s legdrop. Sid signals for a powerbomb, but lands a body slam instead. He does look for a powerbomb after that, but Nash pokes Sid in the eye and then is reversed on a whip and sandwiches the ref. *sigh*, so after the ref bump, Sid barely gets a heavy Nash up for a powerbomb that the ref misses. Sid checks on the ref, Jarrett runs out and KABONGs Sid from behind, and Nash – get this – can’t powerbomb Sid because he’s selling a back injury from being powerbombed himself, so he just tells Slick Johnson that he hit a Jackknife and Slick calls for the bell. What THEE fuck. That finish launches this one into Dirt Worst territory.  Even for WCW, that is a godawful finish.

 

  • DDP and Flair are heel-leaning tweeners, so take them out. Tonight, the babyfaces have won THREE TIMES – Smiley over Meng and Vampiro over Doc and then Oklahoma. And Vampiro’s win over Doc was by DQ as Doc was kicking the dog shit out of him. Also, is Vampiro even a babyface? I really can’t tell. OK, the only guy who is clearly thought of as a babyface by the fans to win tonight is Smiley.

 

  • Maybe Chris Benoit will win his special challenge match tonight? He tells Tenay that his challenge is still open to be filled in a backstage interview.

 

  • Chris Benoit defends his United States Championship against THE CHO CHO CHOSEN ONE Jeff Jarrett, who I just know is going to win this thing as soon as his music hits [Editor’s note: WRONG, and I’m glad I was]. I like Jeff Jarrett, but Jeff Jarrett is being overused tonight. The crowd is kind of quiet when he appears. Though, look, Jarrett working a ladder match against past Horseman foe Chris Benoit is probably gonna kick ass. Jarrett: “I’ve already kicked one ass tonight; might as well make it two.” OK, that was a pretty good line. This is still a ladder match, so Benoit meets Jarrett in the aisle and brawls with him, then brings him back to the ring and lands chops and a superplex. This last move gives Benoit time to go out, grab the ladder, and bring it back to the ring.

 

  • Jarrett hears Benoit dump the ladder in the ring, revives, and knocks Benoit outside before baseball sliding the ladder into Benoit’s noggin. Jarrett takes over as Benoit bleeds badly from being split open, either on the baseball slide or from being dumped face-first onto the ladder right after that. Benoit is able to dump Jarrett outside, but Jarrett catches him and crotches him as he tries to climb the ladder.

 

  • Jarrett smashes Benoit into the ladder as Benoit’s facial wound spills blood onto the mat. Jarrett tries a whip into the ladder and gets reversed, but he’s able to crotch Benoit on the ladder, then hit a sort of elevated, ladder-assisted side Russian while Benoit’s leg is threaded into the ladder. That was a cool spot. Jarrett figures he’s got things under control after that and tries to club for the belt, but Benoit catches him and crotches him in the ladder, then hangs him Tree of Woe style on the ladder before attempting to climb up the other side while Jarrett’s caught. Jarrett frantically wrenches the ladder from side to side even though his knee is caught in it and eventually topples it. Ooh, that spot was also very creative and cool.

 

  • A bunch of reviews ago, when I was talking about Scott Hall/Goldberg at Souled Out, I mentioned three good ways to develop the work around a ladder match gimmick: 1.) High-flying daredevil stuff using the ladders; 2.) Brutal spots using the ladder as a blunt force object; and 3.) Limb attacks to disable your opponent from being able to climb the ladder efficiently. Let me add a 4.): Creative ladder spots in which you use it as an assisting object to hit moves with or an object to obstruct your opponent’s movement with while you try to simultaneously climb it. Those last two spots were very much in the vein of 4.), and this match has been mostly an quite effective mix of 2.) and 4.).

 

  • So, back to the match: Both men climb the ladder, meet each other at the top, and throw punches. Jarrett punches Benoit off the ladder, but Benoit lands on his feet and shoves the ladder from the front, knocking Jarrett into the ropes. Benoit goes up, but Jarrett shoves the ladder from the side and essentially Hot Shots Benoit across the ropes. Jarrett climbs, but Benoit does the same to Jarrett and Jarrett crotches himself on the top rope. Benoit goes up again, and Jarrett squirms off the ropes and onto the apron. He goes up and dropkicks the ladder from underneath Benoit, who takes a face-first fall onto the mat to a bunch of applause. This match rules so hard.

 

  • Jarrett, who probably should be more tired from swinging weapons at Dustin Rhodes earlier in the night, is up to his feet first. The only remotely negative thing about this match is that Benoit should probably have a clearer advantage over a guy who already wrestled once. Jarrett tries to set up the ladder, but Benoit is able to stagger to his feet and dropkick the ladder into Jarrett. Benoit places the ladder and goes up, but instead of grabbing the belt, he drops a diving headbutt to a legitimate standing ovation from the crowd, then goes back up and unstraps the belt. That match was borderline great. No, you know what, it was legitimately great. It’s one of the best matches I’ve seen in this whole run. Benoit managing to have great matches even with Russo booking these shows is pretty amazing.

 

  • Nobody ever talks about this match, either. Much like Sid/Goldberg at Havoc, it’s underrated and under-discussed because of the shitty booking going on around it. That’s a shame. As one final note before we move to the main event, Jarrett is one of Benoit’s best opponents. Benoit and Jarrett show up multiple times on the Favorites and Good Matches lists, and they’ve now placed two Starrcade matches against one another – in 1996 and 1999 – on one or the other of those lists.

 

  • Recap: The Hitman is our crusading babyface World Heavyweight Champ! Aw yeah, babyface Hitman as champ! I’ve been waiting two years for this moment. I’m sure nothing bad will toss this off course. No career-ending injuries, no wonky Russo booking to turn Bret heel again for no fucking reason – nothing’s going to stop this Hitman babyface run!

 

  • The Hitman interviews with Mike Tenay, and I have so much trepidation. I don’t want to see punch-drunk Bret work with a concussion that possibly (probably?) contributed to his life-altering stroke and ended his career. Bret once again guarantees victory before we toss things over to Michael Buffer. Michael Buffer’s Ring Announcing Quality Control: I don’t know how many more Buffer intros we get, so we might be retiring this one after tonight, but Buffer does fine. He even changes up his intro to make it a statement that we as an audience are ready for this main event, not a question.

 

  • You know, I realize as Goldberg comes out here (second, even though he’s the damn challenger, BOOOO), he won’t do better than .500 at Starrcade. And you know, I’m not sure he makes it out of WCW with even a .500 record at Starrcade. My hazy memory is that he loses at Starrcade 2000 to Totally Buff and is forced to retire. Is that right? I’ll see when I get there at some point in 2025.

 

  • So, like I said, I’ve been dreading coming to this match. This and the Sid leg-breaker match – I have no desire to watch either of them, but I'll do it for the sake of analyzing the pro graps. I’m looking away in the Sid match when he goes up top, though. I can’t even really concentrate on this opener or anything like that. I’m just waiting for WATCH THE KICK to happen, and it happens late in the game. Bret’s mentioned this, but I think it gets lost in the discussion about the kick, but he does a ringpost Figure Four spot before the kick and he bonks his head HARD on the floor because Goldberg doesn’t help him ease his way downward by holding Bret up with his leg strength. You can see that Bret hurt himself even though there’s a mat underneath him. I hate this match, is what I’m saying. I hate it because I know too much about it. Let’s just get to the finish.

 

  • (I should note that there are cool spots in there, like Bret almost reversing a Goldberg roll-through legbar into a Sharpshooter. This could have been a good or even great match, but that FUCKING Goldberg worked himself into a shoot after bashing his head into his door and injured one of the true GOATs.)

 

  • There are multiple ref bumps, obviously. WATCH THE KICK and a spear happen after the third ref bump, if I’m counting correctly. Roddy Piper walks down in a ref shirt looking dour. Bret jumps Goldberg from behind and locks on a Sharpshooter while Piper calls immediately for the bell because it’s 1999, and we will never escape the Montreal Screwjob. Never, never, NEVER! The Hitman chases down Piper looking upset, but Piper simply awards him the title and slouches away. That’s it! That’s how the fucking show ends!

 

  • This was an awful Starrcade, but at least I had that fun tag opener and Benoit/Jarrett in one of the all-time great Ladder Matches. Take my advice and watch that last one for sure. The rest of this was just overbooked mediocrity with a bunch of babyfaces losing in cheap and shitty ways.
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4 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

I would have loved that because, based on how Philly reacted to Sid, they would have absolutely loved Duggan appearing. 

All Duggan had to do was waffle someone with the board and be like... a quarter of Mid-South Duggan, and he would've had the ECW fans eating out of the palm of his hand.

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2 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Backstage, David Flair uses his golden crowbar to beat another headless teddy bear that he’s received.

You know in any other moment in wrestling history, this sentence would make no sense. But in Russo WCW, it's not even in a Top 5 weird sentences about a wrestling show.

 

2 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Eventually, Vampiro hits a uranage and the Misfits jump in. 

What makes this whole run so WEIRD is that the Misfits were a punk band of very LITTLE mainstream cred. Like, they were never especially succesful on charts, no big crossover hits, pretty much their biggest mainstream cache is their logo and the fact Danzig was the singer for a while. I have a sneaking suspicion that ICP wanted more money or had to go on tour, and someone (Vamp, himself?) went to bat for the Misfits being a better, cheaper substitute, but there is no real justification for them getting this much TV time and what was still a fairly popular show.

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Show #219 – 20 December 1999

“The one that might be the worst televised pro wrestling show in history, and also the nWo is back. Again.”

  • This Nitro is PRESENTED IN THE MOST COMPLETE FORM POSSIBLE, etc., according to the Network. Maybe that’s ominous; did the recording frizz out because the booking on this show is bad or something?

 

  • We get a three-man booth with Tony S., Heenan, and Tenay.

 

  • Madusa and Spice hit the ring. Madusa cuts a promo crowing about how she’s the first woman to win the Cruiserweight Championship. It’s not as awesome as Chyna becoming Intercontinental Champion or even close. Madusa cuts a vile promo, just vile. She offers up an open challenge and then calls out Buzzkill promoting equality on a sign in the crowd. She challenges the guy to a match. I keep hoping this is where the recording goes out, but no dice. I watch Madusa take his sign and beat him with it.

 

  • I again would like to point out that WCW keeps trying to reproduce Chyna in multiple ways and failing because Chyna is a singular talent. Buzzkill lands a nice dropkick after Madusa hits three of her own, but Spice hits on Mickey Jay, so Jay misses Buzzkill landing a side Russian and pinning Madusa. Spice tosses something to Madusa; Madusa tees off and pops Buzzkill in the jaw with it, then hits a bridging German for three. That was very bad television. It’s sort of making me hate even seeing Spice on TV, which is shameful.

 

  • Commentary hypes yet another Montreal Screwjob knockoff, this one at Starrcade. Then, we get our matches for the night: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit in another ladder match; The Jersey Triad EXPLODES and wrestles a triple threat match; Jerry Flynn vs. Tank Abbott; Meng and Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay and Brian Knobbs; Sid Vicious vs. THE WALL, BROTHER.

 

  • Russo is desperate to redo this Montreal Screwjob thing to the hilt. He tells Hennig and the Mooks that “emotions are running high and it’s a powder keg [backstage]” as if this is a shoot, not a work. So was everything else on Starrcade a work except for this, Russo? Or are you just an idiot? Hennig warns Russo that Hugh Morrus is back, and a disgusted Russo tells Hennig to finish him off and get him out of the company. Then, he demands that Piper be brought in front of him ASAP.

 

  • Piper and his annoying kid get out of a car. Sorry, kid, it’s not your fault that Russo is a moron. I take it back. Piper and his kid, who have been booked on this show by annoying-ass Russo, get out of a car.

 

  • Piper’s kid helps his pops tape up; Creative Control pops in on him and demands that he meet up with Russo immediately.

 

  • “That big goof” Hugh Morrus, as Russo called him, is back! Shit. He faces Curt Hennig next. We cut away to some guy in an off-brand Scream mask beating Shane down in the back. Morrus dominates early and, uh, an old guy in a hospital gown wanders out? What the fuck is happening? Is Russo trying to outdo the Fingerpoke of Doom Nitro, the Nitro with no matches in the first hour, and the Ric Flair field beatdown Nitro all in one single show? Morrus meets this guy in the aisle, and apparently it’s his senile dad. Um, what? Who wrote this crap? Morrus gets back in the ring and is jumped by Hennig. This match is a heavy fart in a packed elevator. They keep chopping one another and then staring each other down for awhile after that. Morrus has to go calm his pops down again, and this time he goes back to the ring and walks into a Perfect Plex for three. Morrus’s senile dad does wacky Alzheimer’s hijinx after the match. WHAT. THEE. FUCK.

 

  • Russo tells Piper that if Piper touches him, their unseen deal is off. Piperjust has to do one more thing to seal the deal and tell everyone in Baltimore (where Nitro is located) that he sold out and that screwing Goldberg was his idea. WHOOOOOO CARESSSSSSSS. Piper yells about SHOOTIN’ with the MARKS, and this is so bad. Oh man, oh wow, I can’t believe just how bad this is even though it involves Piper and Russo. Roddy yells about his life and his career and I don’t give a good goddam. Also, he calls Russo a “poor, filthy-lookin’ drag queen.” I really wish that I’d started a “drag queen mentions” counter for Piper when he showed up back in ’96. Piper tries to cut an intense promo and he just doesn’t have it anymore. His fastball is gone. He’s metaphorically lobbing softballs that Sid would launch into the bleachers. Terrible television.

 

  • Tony S. talks about Bret getting SCREWED by Vince McMahon and explains the whole fucking Montreal Screwjob, then says that Russo was possibly the guy who came up with the Screwjob in the WWF. Nope. Then we get some stills of the Starrcade main event. After that, Tony S. says that Nash has been vocal about Goldberg getting screwed and how wrong it is, which makes NO SENSE. He has ETERNAL BEEF with the guy in kayfabe stemming from the previous Starrcade.

 

  • Nash now walks out here to cut a worked shoot promo. I bet he’s just glad that someone has outdone him in terribleness when it comes to booking Nitro. This guy has stayed getting off the hook for stuff he did that everyone assumes was Russo's ideas for years now. This promo is garbage and basically is Nash talking about getting’ SCREWED and the code of conduct in pro wrestling. Dire. He complains about being an independent contractor. Then unionize, you little bitch, but shut the fuck up about this nonsense either way. Edgelord Nash: “Bill Goldberg, I don’t give a damn about you, but what happened to you last night at Starrcade is BULLSHIT.” So, are you telling me that the final nWo revival that I suspect will happen tonight is basically a corporate nWo that’s tacitly supported by Russo? If so, are you telling me that the nWo started out as anti-corporate company destroyers and ended up as a pro-corpo arm of the Russo-Ferrara Era? And if I end up being right about that, is this the biggest misunderstanding of a major character or stable and the very point why it exists in the history of television writing?

 

  • I don’t think Russo has it in him to bring this Nitro back from any of what's happened so far. This is headed straight toward being the worst Nitro of all time. Jarrett and Benoit having another great ladder match might not even be enough to stop that.

 

  • Bret shows up at the arena; Creative Control tells Okerlund that Kevin Nash is the biggest politician in the locker room, and I deeply hate what’s happening on this Nitro.

 

  • Tank Abbott faces Jerry Flynn. I repeat: I deeply hate what’s happening on this Nitro.  They do some mediocre clubbering and bump the ref thirty seconds in; security runs in to break it up, and eventually a swarm of security mooks break things up. They cuff Flynn, but not Abbott, and Abbott gets a cheap shot in before he gets to walk out by himself. This was SHIT.

 

  • Tony S. says that the last Nitro of 1999 is, in fact, still called NEW YEAR’S EVIL. Wow, the name stuck! [Editor's note: On the Network, the last Nitro of 1999 is even subtitled with NEW YEAR'S EVIL]

 

  • The Revolution comes to the ring. Dammit. We’re only a half-hour into this wretched show. Everyone, including Saturn, does bad mic work. Wait, Asya just stands there carrying a flag. I can’t blame her for the bad talking. They demand that a pouty Hacksaw come down and denounce the United States since Hacksaw lost at Starrcade. Baltimore has stayed engaged with this show somehow, bless them. Best wrestling fans on earth, for my money. Duggan refuses, that dirty debt-dodging scumbag. He yells I LIED and is also the heel, actually, somehow. It’s a ring full of heels. Malenko plans to burn an American flag while everyone else stomps Duggan out. Who comes down for the save? It’s the Filthy Animals (minus Eddy Guerrero). Misterio’s knee is busted AGAIN, by the way. Someone give him a cyborg knee already. How is that man still walking near the age of fifty, much less wrestling?

 

  • Roddy Piper comes to the ring. Back in Russo’s office, he made a point about having guards watch his kid, so I sure hope we don’t get Creative Control kidnapping the kid or some dumb shit like that. Bret and Goldberg watch on monitors backstage as Piper declares that he sold out and lists a bunch of popular angles he was part of back in the ‘80s when he didn’t completely suck. Piper complains about the skit-heavy approach to these shows – join the club on that one, Pipes – and then continues ranting about REAL FIGHTERS and finally quits because the booking sucks. Join the club on that one too, Pipes. This dipshit starts giving parenting tips and mentions Jesus being the real reason for the season, then quits again. I SWEAR TO FUCK ALL THIS HAPPENED.

 

  • Piper’s kid runs up and meets him in the aisle. Goldberg walks out and meets them both in the aisle. Goldberg Jackhammers the kid. No, wait, that doesn’t happen. Instead, Goldberg talks about the DC Screwjob and lectures Piper for being a disappointing dude. This is NOT what I want to see Goldberg doing! This is not what ANYONE wants to see Goldberg doing! Now the Hitman walks out here to talk about gettin’ SCREWED by the office. Sweet fuck, I think I hate pro wrestling now. Russo, you’ve done it, you bastard. You've made me hate one of the finest performance arts around. Bret says he doesn’t want the belt and is going to go back there right now and tell Russo to shove said belt up his ass. Goldberg spears Piper. No, wait, he says, “It’s alright. Everybody makes mistakes, brother, I understand.” What is he, Piper's stern and disappointed, but loving father who wants Piper to learn a lesson from trying and failing to hide the scratch he left on Goldberg's car when he borrowed it?

 

  • Bret yells at Russo in Russo’s office. I don’t give a fuck. Russo’s like THIS WAS A MAKE-GOOD FOR MONTREAL and Bret’s like STICK IT UP YOUR ASS and Russo’s like YOU CAN FACE GOLDBERG AGAIN TONIGHT THEN and I’m like NO, YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION BRET, SIT THE NEXT FEW WEEKS OUT INSTEAD OF MAKING THINGS WORSE.

 

  • The world title is VACANT. I should say now that I’ll be tracking World Championship changes in 2000. I expect VACANT to have quite the run, and I’m glad to see it getting started early.

 

  • Screamin’ Norman Smiley, in Ravens gear, comes to the ring. Tony S. tries to convince us that the big angle Russo is pushing tonight has been “compelling TV,” and that’s a shill too far even for him. Meng comes to the ring and attacks Smiley before their opponents can even get out there. Norm heads back up the aisle with his bin of junk and is jumped by Finlay and Knobbs. People bash each other with shit. What-the-fuck-ever. Norm eventually runs away, right past a NORMAN = RATINGS sign. Knobbs and Finlay pursue him. WCW, which is living off the glory days of a time when it was good, does it again by having Smiley get cornered right in the same bathroom that Sully and Benoit fought in three years ago in Baltimore, as Tony S. excitedly notes. Smiley gets pinned for three on the tile.

 

  • Piper makes a clear point of telling his kid to stay here, nice and safe in the dressing room. Then, he grabs a baseball bat, hits it on the wall so we can hear that it’s wood, then declares NOTHIN’ RUBBER HERE, BABY. Maybe don’t call out Sting’s gimmick as fake, you idiot.

 

  • After the break, Bret runs into Piper in the hall; Bret tries to calm Piper down as Piper quotes, uh, Martin Luther King Jr. and then cackles. You know that I couldn’t make any of this up if I tried.

 

  • The Maestro and Symphony arise from their piano and make their way to the ring. Evan Karagias is Maestro’s opponent. While these two have a short blip of a match, let me trace the Cruiserweight Championship this year: Kidman > Rey > Psicosis > Rey > Lenny Lane > Psicosis > Disco Inferno > Evan Karagias > Madusa. Look how they massacred my Cruiserweight Championship. Fucking Russo and Nash. This match is acceptable. Karagias kills a leapover with a powerbomb, then shrugs off Symphony as she tries to seduce him. Symphony falls down, selling an ankle injury that she doesn’t actually have, and Karagias drops off the top rope to check on her, gets kneed in the head by the Maestro, and loses. Bitches, man. Bitches.

 

  • Piper yells about his dead wrestler friends while taking out Russo’s office set with his bat. This is fucking sad. And not for the reasons that it’s supposed to be. 

 

  • Chavo checks on Evan Karagias's mental health in the back and tries to sell him a PUA book so that Evan has better luck with the ladies. Evan repeatedly punches Chavo in the face in response. That’s pretty much what you should do to anyone who tries to sell you a PUA book.

 

  • Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs, ladies) comes to the ring for this triple threat match against Bam Bam Bigelow and Diamond Dallas Page. Biggs and Kanyon do some cursory mic work when they get out there. Biggs joins commentary, but his voice is cooked, so it’s hard to hear him basically saying that Kanyon’s beat both of these dudes already. The crowd has decided to root for DDP in this one. Page and Bammer get a double arm wringer on Kanyon and punch him in the face. They beat the crap out of the guy for a while. Kanyon tries to get some space, but whenever he knocks one man away, the other man gets him. Even after Page misses a shot at Kanyon and hits Bam Bam, Bammer and Page wrap up their arguing so they can knock Kanyon around some more.

 

  • DDP and Bam Bam have a discussion about whether to hit Kanyon with a Diamond Cutter or a Greetings from Asbury Park. Page lets Bigelow hit Kanyon with the Greetings, then shakes hands with Bammer, pulls him in, and hits him with a Diamond Cutter. As he did at Starrcade, he teases hitting the ref with a Diamond Cutter. He leaves the ring instead, kisses a lady at ringside, and walks out. Biggs gets up, distracts the ref, and hands a bottle of champagne to Kanyon. Kanyon lands a champagne bottle shot on Bam Bam and scores a three count. This was pointless and stupid.

 

  • Creative Control wrestles Kevin Nash in a handicap match. I mean, if it even is a match; Tony S. points out that there’s no ref. Nash points to the entrance, and Scott Hall comes out here on crutches. Hall directs traffic from ringside as Nash tries to keep control of two guys at once. Eventually, the numbers game gets to him and he sells for a little bit. Hall gets in the ring after Nash takes a few punches and swats CC with his crutches. Oh look, he’s not even injured! I guess he just didn’t want to job to Chris Benoit or something! Creative Control just leaves. 

 

  • TTP, dressed as Sting, stands in the rafters with Liz and laughs about how they took Sting out.

 

  • Jeff Jarrett and Chris Benoit have their Ladder (re-)Match for the U.S. Championship next. I really wish that they didn’t book this, actually. It’s almost certainly not going to be as good as the Starrcade match, and it’ll end up being the one that more people see since it’s on free television.

 

  • Benoit and Jarrett cut a pace to start; Benoit lands an enziguri and a basement dropkick, then hammers away at Jarrett in the corner. Benoit puts Jarrett in the Tree of Woe and lands a baseball slide. He’s dominating the proceedings, but he whiffs on a second baseball slide, and Jarrett crotches Benoit on the post. The ladder, standing in the aisle, gets knocked down when Jarrett goes after it and Benoit catches him. They brawl around ringside, and Benoit blocks a head bonk into a chair and hits one of his own. That allows Benoit to acquire the ladder. He drags it back to the ring, dodges Jarrett’s baseball slide tonight where he didn’t the previous night, and grabs a chair. That chair ends up wedged between the buckles in the corner; Benoit shoots Jarrett in from the other corner, then un-wedges the chair and claps Jarrett in the back with it.

 

  • Benoit is dominating the proceedings once more. He lands a snap suplex on the chair, then wedges it in the other corner after hitting a snot rocket. Benoit tries another whip, but Jarrett trips and sells that his knee blew. Benoit eyes Jarrett, then decides that he’s in the clear. He sets up the ladder and tries to climb it, but it’s rigged! The stairs break as he starts up the ladder. In a funny spot, Benoit was trying to remember which step was rigged and he stomped one step too early. No break. The step after that one broke. Benoit tries to climb the other side – those stairs break. Jarrett magically recovers from his knee injury, grabs a guitar, and KABONGs Benoit, then pulls another ladder from the ring and climbs it to claim the title.

 

  • Benoit has that epic ladder match with Jarrett the night before, and then we get this nonsense based around gimmicked ladders as a rematch. BOOOOOOOO.

 

  • Okerlund accuses Jarrett of gimmicking the ladder backstage, but Jarrett isn’t hearing any of that. Hennig rushes up and tells Jarrett that Russo needs to see him right now.

 

  • Sid Vicious enters the arena to face THE WALL, BROTHER. Sid lands a series of boots at the bell and clotheslines TW,B to the floor, then beats him down in an obligabrawl. Back in the ring, TW,B gets some blows in, but Sid goozles him after ducking a lariat and hits a chokeslam. Berlyn runs out and hops on the apron; Sid goes for a powerbomb, but decides to release TW,B and go after Berlyn. TW,B jumps Sid from behind and goozles him, but Berlyn enters the ring and tries a missile dropkick. Sid moves and Berlyn drills TW,B, which I guess means that Sid is DQ’d? I don’t know. The bell rings, and Sid powerbombs Berlyn, then shakes hands with TW,B.

 

  • Jarrett is told by Russo that TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT. Russo’s in the backseat of his car, so I guess he’s taking off before the big fix happens.

 

  • Disco meets with Tony Marinara’s pops. Pops says that Disco can either join the family and take orders from Marinara or get dumped in a river somewhere. Disco is bummed.

 

  • The Varsity Club is here, but far more importantly than that, Leia Meow is here. This is a match involving two of them and Harlem Heat, who I guess are okay with one another again? Rick Steiner and Mike Rotundo/a participate in this bout while Kevin Sullivan tries to sell this DC Screwjob shit on commentary. Rotundo/a gets a mic and insults the University of Maryland. Rick Steiner yells a lot and tries desperately to get the some of the worst catchphrases in the business over. Where has Rotundo/a been, anyway? Japan? Actually, wherever he’s been, I wish he were still there. Wait, unless he's been in the hospital or something. I'm not a monster.

 

  • I feel like Sid’s been doing too many jobs on TV lately when I just want to see him spike dudes with powerbombs and get victories. I feel the same about Booker, who I want to see winning more matches and doing more missile dropkicks and stuff. Booker plays FIP in this very dull tag match with only one worker whom I like. Book tries a comeback, but Steiner stops short on a Booker dropkick and squelches that. So, Rick Steiner switches spots with Kevin Sullivan mid-match because nothing matters, but he is actually hilarious! Steiner: “I got my Ph.D at Michigan – mathematics! Two plus two, I know it all! Ask me.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Then, Rotundo/a comes over and Steiner grumbles, “Here comes this Syracuse idiot, hold on,” and trades places at the desk with Rotundo/a. I can’t believe he had that in him.

 

  • Booker finally stops an assault from the Syracuse idiot and gets a hot tag to Stevie. Sully jumps Booker at ringside. It’s three-on-two, so the lights go out, and when they come back on, Midnight is in the ring. She walks over to Stevie as Stevie punches Rotundo/a and, uh, argues with him instead of helping out. Rotundo/a takes the opportunity to roll up Stevie from behind and get three. Harlem Heat walk away arguing as Tenay hits an I KNOW WHO THEY ARE and PG-13 (???!!!?!?!?) rushes to the ring and attacks the Varsity Club with trash can lids, then runs away. Wait, PG-13 were in this company?!

 

  • The Misfits harass Daffney while she digs around a bin for an ice cold Surge. They insult her tats, so Daffney sidles up to Jerry Only seductively before kneeing him in the sack and biting the bridge of his nose. Vampiro removes her from his orbit, and she threatens YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TOUCHED ME before taking off.

 

  • David Flair and Daffney (the latter wearing an I *heart* DAVID shirt) come to the ring. Flair uses his crowbar to club Penzer, and he and Daffney lay in some boots on top of it. Flair grabs Penzer’s mic and overdoes it on the crazy, but eventually calls out Vampiro for touching Daffney. Vampiro comes out alone and tries to beg off. No, wait, he fake apologizes, and when he faces Daffney to insult her, Flair whacks him with the crowbar, then gives the crowbar to Daffney so that she can get a shot in as well. Jerry Only runs in and they stomp and crowbar shot him as well. Then she and Dave smooch. That’s it. That’s the segment.

 

  • The Misfits shouldn’t have harassed Daffney for no reason. Seems like they earned that beating.

 

  • EMTs try to attend to the weirdo Misfits in the back.

 

  • Gene Okerlund interviews Buff Bagwell in the ring. Buff thinks Baltimore is totally the best, etc. He talks about his neck injury. He says that he’s a four-time tag champ with three different partners, which has never been done in wrestling. Obviously, any wrestler would (and should) claim that last phrase in the sentence in kayfabe, but that’s probably not true, right? He wants some more gold, and he won’t be held down, dammit! Oh no, now Okerlund says that there are rumors that Buff is shtupping Kim Page. He doesn’t say that directly, but that’s the implication. Buff starts to walk away, then denies it when Okerlund presses. Okerlund’s like I GOT SCOOPS, STUPID and says that Buff was out with Kim while DDP was shooting Ready to Rumble.

 

  • This segment sucks. Buff says to be honest, Kim’s a dime piece and if DDP wasn’t with her, Buff would totally hit it. He even says if she happened to fall into his bed, I mean, look, what is he gonna do? Not have sex with her? That one triggers Page’s entrance, as he jumps a goofy-looking Buff from behind. Tenay says that this explains DDP attacking Buff on Thunder – okay, so they were shadow beefing, then. I guess that spot retroactively makes sense two weeks after it happened on a show that nobody watches. 

 

  • Piper and Sid have a lovefest in the locker room. Then, Roddy tells the locker room that he’s leaving WCW. This is so stupid. They haven’t earned a fucking bit of this. Piper hasn’t done anything to make me even remotely think of caring about him walking away like it’s the end of Shane. Fuck off. Piper gives what is supposed to be a stirring speech to get the boys in the back to revolt against the office, but there’s been far too much Piper on this show, and he hasn’t been able to achieve what he's been asked to achieve with his segments, not even close. This is as tempted as I’ve ever been to just skip ahead on a segment, even more than while suffering through Bischoff-as-Leno. Piper’s like UNIONIZE, YEAH, AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS; there’s scattered, unenthusiastic clapping from the crowd of wrestlers.

 

  • Jeff Jarrett sits down in front of a backstage monitor with a refreshing can of Surge to survey what’s going down in tonight’s main event.

 

  • Let’s get this fucking main event over. Goldberg dominates. There’s an obligabrawl. They go back and forth, including a struggle over a Figure Four. There’s a ref bump. Kevin Nash comes down. Remember when we all thought he was mad at Bret? Nope! He and Hall clobber Goldberg with baseball bats and Bret joins in on the fun. Piper runs out and covers Goldberg’s body to stop the beating, and Billy Silverman’s goofy ass counts a pinfall. Piper should be the champ now, I guess, and Jarrett runs down and KABONGs Piper before they all spray paint the babyfaces, and “Rockhouse” plays, and look, the long and short of it is that we have a NEW NEW NEW NEW WORLD FUCKING ORDER revival, speaking of things that were a part of the pro wrestling fabric in 1997 and that I never want to ever see on my screen again.

 

  • OK, I’ve had enough. Fire Russo, please. Then hire him back so he can run the Hulkster out of WCW. Then, fire his ass again.

 

  • As for this show? Someone once asked me way earlier in this thread when I’d bust out the crazy numbers. I think we’ve reached a nadir in the watch that demands that I put up a number that’s a little out there. We haven’t reached “square root of infinity” or “NaN” levels of badness yet. But I think we need to establish that a show this bad, this full of terrible talking and angles, this void of redeemable pro wrestling matches, this committed to deeply stupid ideas about building feuds, will have to be surpassed in its badness on a meaningful level to be worse than this. I have full confidence that Russo and Ferrara or Russo and Bischoff can find a way to do that, but I’m setting the bar in hell and letting them travel all nine circles and dig under Satan’s cloven hooves besides to get there on the score. -9,274,650,535 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.
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I bet after nitro Piper put on a nice dress went down to the lounge at the Holiday inn and had everybody call him "Mrs. Habidasher"

Is Russo showing his face on screen yet? I remember him being the voice of TPTB but I'm not sure when he fully transitions to on screen character 

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5 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Show #219 – 20 December 1999

  • I keep hoping this is where the recording goes out, but no dice.
  • So, are you telling me that the final nWo revival that I suspect will happen tonight is basically a corporate nWo that’s tacitly supported by Russo? If so, are you telling me that the nWo started out as anti-corporate company destroyers and ended up as a pro-corpo arm of the Russo-Ferrara Era? And if I end up being right about that, is this the biggest misunderstanding of a major character or stable and the very point why it exists in the history of television writing?
  • Tony S. says that the last Nitro of 1999 is, in fact, still called NEW YEAR’S EVIL. Wow, the name stuck! [Editor's note: On the Network, the last Nitro of 1999 is even subtitled with NEW YEAR'S EVIL]
  • Nash points to the entrance, and Scott Hall comes out here on crutches. Hall directs traffic from ringside as Nash tries to keep control of two guys at once. Eventually, the numbers game gets to him and he sells for a little bit. Hall gets in the ring after Nash takes a few punches and swats CC with his crutches. Oh look, he’s not even injured! I guess he just didn’t want to job to Chris Benoit or something! 
  • Jeff Jarrett and Chris Benoit have their Ladder (re-)Match for the U.S. Championship next. I really wish that they didn’t book this, actually. It’s almost certainly not going to be as good as the Starrcade match, and it’ll end up being the one that more people see since it’s on free television.
    Benoit has that epic ladder match with Jarrett the night before, and then we get this nonsense based around gimmicked ladders as a rematch. BOOOOOOOO.
  • As for this show? Someone once asked me way earlier in this thread when I’d bust out the crazy numbers. I think we’ve reached a nadir in the watch that demands that I put up a number that’s a little out there. We haven’t reached “square root of infinity” or “NaN” levels of badness yet. But I think we need to establish that a show this bad, this full of terrible talking and angles, this void of redeemable pro wrestling matches, this committed to deeply stupid ideas about building feuds, will have to be surpassed in its badness on a meaningful level to be worse than this. I have full confidence that Russo and Ferrara or Russo and Bischoff can find a way to do that, but I’m setting the bar in hell and letting them travel all nine circles and dig under Satan’s cloven hooves besides to get there on the score. -9,274,650,535 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.
  • fucking LOL. i was kind of hoping this became a running joke throughout the review
  • This is probably too 'high concept' for WCW, and DEFINITELY too much for the Russo-Ferrara Era, but hear me out. if you begin with the idea that the nWo was a group of anti-WCW wrestlers sent from Vince McMahon and the WWF, then you could conceivably make the connection that Russo showing up here was the/an endgame. The nWo destabilized the company enough to force a takeover, and these former WWF SUPERSTARS (TM) have succeeded in bringing in new management. Seeing the nWo align with Russo is not unlike the nWo working under McMahon in 2002 (which also didn't work, FWIW). I'm not suggesting this is what they were going for, or even advocating for it, but i thought it could make a somewhat logical conclusion.
  • New Year's Evil? well then, i stand corrected. i look forward to seeing how that major theme plays into a show that i have zero recollection of.
  • Scott Hall vacates the US Title due to a non-injury (for the second time this year). I'm thinking that doesn't bode well for the Tag Team Titles. 
  • gimmicking a ladder rematch on free TV after a legitimately good match on PPV the day before is some real next level stupidity. to put it on the same show where you do a fake out World Title rematch is fucking braindead bullshit.
  • thank you, Smelly, for the atonement you suffer for all of us. Russo leaves a few days before the next PPV, so you get a reprieve in ~3 weeks or so.
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6 hours ago, zendragon said:

I bet after nitro Piper put on a nice dress went down to the lounge at the Holiday inn and had everybody call him "Mrs. Habidasher"

HA 

I bet he used a soft Scottish accent and talked about the "wee lassies" he watches for a wealthy Baltimore-area family.

Piper, just live your best life instead of having all this negative tension inside you. 

6 hours ago, zendragon said:

Is Russo showing his face on screen yet? I remember him being the voice of TPTB but I'm not sure when he fully transitions to on screen character 

Not yet, and with only about three weeks to go, I'd guess he doesn't show up on screen until he comes back in April of 2000 (IIRC).

2 hours ago, twiztor said:
  • fucking LOL. i was kind of hoping this became a running joke throughout the review

I was too appalled by the stuff on this show to keep it up. 

2 hours ago, twiztor said:
  • This is probably too 'high concept' for WCW, and DEFINITELY too much for the Russo-Ferrara Era, but hear me out. if you begin with the idea that the nWo was a group of anti-WCW wrestlers sent from Vince McMahon and the WWF, then you could conceivably make the connection that Russo showing up here was the/an endgame. The nWo destabilized the company enough to force a takeover, and these former WWF SUPERSTARS (TM) have succeeded in bringing in new management. Seeing the nWo align with Russo is not unlike the nWo working under McMahon in 2002 (which also didn't work, FWIW). I'm not suggesting this is what they were going for, or even advocating for it, but i thought it could make a somewhat logical conclusion.

This could absolutely have worked from a logical standpoint, but of course, they spent all night making it about THE BOYS versus THE OFFICE and tying it into the DC Screwjob, so the nWo siding with Russo makes them THE OFFICE, which is the exact wrong way to go about things. 

2 hours ago, twiztor said:
  • Scott Hall vacates the US Title due to a non-injury (for the second time this year). I'm thinking that doesn't bode well for the Tag Team Titles. 

Yeah, VACANT is going to eat good in 2000, isn't it?

2 hours ago, twiztor said:
  • thank you, Smelly, for the atonement you suffer for all of us. Russo leaves a few days before the next PPV, so you get a reprieve in ~3 weeks or so.

Oh yeah, it's that Sullivan puts the belt on Benoit at Souled Out to try and keep him from leaving, right?

Why did Brad Siegel insist on making Sullivan the head of the booking committee after Russo left? Why not have someone else take the book and thus take away the reason that the Radicalz (or at least Benoit) wanted out? Was Siegel doing some stealth cost-cutting by pushing the Radicalz toward the door or what? I can see why Bischoff genuinely thinks that Siegel was trying to kill off WCW once and for all. 

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7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Morrus meets this guy in the aisle, and apparently it’s his senile dad.

Boy do I NOT remember this at all.

 

7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Screamin’ Norman Smiley, in Ravens gear, comes

I read this as "Raven's gear" and got a good chuckle at the visual of Smiley in a leather jacket screaming away.

 

7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Piperjust has to do one more thing to seal the deal and tell everyone in Baltimore (where Nitro is located) that he sold out and that screwing Goldberg was his idea

But but but people who are watching this at home would see that it was really Russo's idea AND the people in the crowd so why would a condition of his deal be to go lie about something already knows isnt...never mind

7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Bitches, man. Bitches.

You just KNOW if this was modern day, Karagias would get his own Russo-created shirt that said something "Chilling Ultra Cool Karagias" and the joke would be that he didn't know it spelled out "CUCK" but then, in true Russo fashion, it would be mentioned 6-7  times in every segment in case someone didn't get how clever he was.

 

6 hours ago, zendragon said:

I bet after nitro Piper put on a nice dress went down to the lounge at the Holiday inn and had everybody call him "Mrs. Habidasher"

Is Russo showing his face on screen yet? I remember him being the voice of TPTB but I'm not sure when he fully transitions to on screen character 

I wonder why he decided to keep his face hidden to begin with? He clearly likes the spotlight but didn't want his face in TV?!

***

Imagine trying to explain this show to a non-viewer. "Well the matches are all predetermined but you suspend your disbelief: like watching a movie. But this segment the wrestlers are insisting is real is still fake but now is labeling the other segments as fake. So you're supposed to think that this segment is really real while the other segment is fake real. But it's all fake but it...forget it"

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4 minutes ago, caley said:

Boy do I NOT remember this at all.

When Morrus showed back up, I was expecting a move toward becoming General Rection, so this surprised the crap out of me. Maybe General Rection is in Russo's second run?

Quote

But but but people who are watching this at home would see that it was really Russo's idea AND the people in the crowd so why would a condition of his deal be to go lie about something already knows isnt...never mind

Charitable read: It's not about Russo having plausible deniability; it's about Russo making Piper do something that will mortally wound Piper's pride.

Uncharitable (and almost certainly correct) read: Yeah, you're right, Russo is an idiot and thought that he was really radiating heat like post-SurSer '97 Vinnie Mac.

Quote

You just KNOW if this was modern day, Karagias would get his own Russo-created shirt that said something "Chilling Ultra Cool Karagias" and the joke would be that he didn't know it spelled out "CUCK" but then, in true Russo fashion, it would be mentioned 6-7  times in every segment in case someone didn't get how clever he was.

Russo booking in the Twitter Era would be hell on earth. He'd have a bunch of main eventers march the ring during a match between four promising upper-midcarders holding tiki torches and chanting YOU WILL NOT REPLACE US, he'd have this Karagias shirt, he'd have...you know what, I don't want to even glimpse into the abyss anymore and think about what Russo would do in the Twitter Era. 

Quote

I wonder why he decided to keep his face hidden to begin with? He clearly likes the spotlight but didn't want his face in TV?!

Agreed.

Quote

Imagine trying to explain this show to a non-viewer. "Well the matches are all predetermined but you suspend your disbelief: like watching a movie. But this segment the wrestlers are insisting is real is still fake but now is labeling the other segments as fake. So you're supposed to think that this segment is really real while the other segment is fake real. But it's all fake but it...forget it"

Something something end of the day, something something logic. 

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53 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

Oh yeah, it's that Sullivan puts the belt on Benoit at Souled Out to try and keep him from leaving, right?

Why did Brad Siegel insist on making Sullivan the head of the booking committee after Russo left? Why not have someone else take the book and thus take away the reason that the Radicalz (or at least Benoit) wanted out? Was Siegel doing some stealth cost-cutting by pushing the Radicalz toward the door or what? I can see why Bischoff genuinely thinks that Siegel was trying to kill off WCW once and for all. 

IIRC Russo left after Nitro and Thunder were already in the books for the week of Souled Out, so Siegel or whoever was in charge of WCW at the time didn't have a chance of recruiting, or anything else. Siegel didn't know or give a fuck about the locker room drama. Sullivan was the head booker before (both during Bischoff and between Bischoff/Russo) and remained on the team, so it was probably an easy quick decision to give him that power, however temporary. I think Siegel wanted as little to do with WCW as possible, so he was always going to take the quick and easy route. the next guy can deal with the fallout.

14 minutes ago, caley said:

I read this as "Raven's gear" and got a good chuckle at the visual of Smiley in a leather jacket screaming away.

i totally read it this way too. didn't remember Smiley copping a grunge look, but it's the Russo era, so who knows? it wasn't until this post that i made the Baltimore connection.

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Yhea I would imagine that Seigel just went with the guy who was already booking the undercards under Bishoff

On a positive note I was able to find both Benoit v Jarrett Starrcade matches and their Mayhem match. All very good , and that Mayhem finish didn't bother me in a vacuum but I'm sure seeing finishes like that up and down the card is exhausting for the viewer 

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Thunder Interlude – show number ninety-two – 23 December 1999

"The WCW Gang invites you to sing along with Three Count for the first time"

  • It’s the final Thunder of the year…I’ve nearly reached 2000 just in time for Astrobot (and Zelda!) to come out and my workload to pick back up…I’ve almost made it!...

 

  • Of course, the downside is that Russo and Ferrara are still heading up the booking committee…And they brought back the nWo…I cannot wait until I’m done talking about that faction in these reviews outside of referencing the past…The distant past…

 

  • We get a whole recap of the nWo re-forming on Nitro to start…

 

  • FUCK, it’s “Rockhouse”…Here comes the nWo, and let’s look at the bright side – at least there’s no Hulkster out here…I have less than zero desire to boo Bret, I’m sorry…Why in the world would I want to do that?...In 1999, no less?...At the same time, I have no desire to cheer Jarrett (who is an excellent heel) or Hall and Nash (who vaguely annoy me at this point)…They run a super-cut of all the ways they swerved the fans and Goldberg...YES, WE ALL SAW THIS SWERVE COMING, RUSSO…It was obvious…Russo thinking he’s actually out here fooling people is pretty funny, in a way…

 

  • Bret does make me laugh by calling himself “Fred Sanford” over some footage of him faking an injury…Poor Redd Foxx actually died of a heart attack and help was delayed because they thought he was doing his routine…Nash tries to get over that they fooled the ham ‘n eggers, but look, to get me mad that you fooled me, you’d have to get me to care first and then actually fool me second…Jarrett calls the crowd a “Slapnuts Convention,” and these four do NOT fit together at all…Jarrett: “This nWo is gonna be different; no bastardizing, no watering down…Cuz once you’ve had THE BLACK, you never go back”…I mean, I like Jeff Jarrett, but this was painful…Goldberg walks to the top of the ramp and is very upset about what happened to him on Nitro…Goldberg: “Compassion is DEAD, and so are you”…I kinda like that line…

 

  • For the second year in a row, we have Goldberg losing at Starrcade so that he can case a re-formed nWo…Russo re-uses every idea he encounters, doesn’t he?...It’s wild that nothing this company has done has been able to cool Goldberg off…He’s a true megastar…

 

  • The commentary desk is the same combo as on Nitro, but reconfigured so that Tenay is lead PBP man and Tony S. is on color…Tony’s just not comfortable in that role, I don’t think…

 

  • Tonight’s matches: PG-13 vs. The Varsity Club; Hacksaw Duggan and the Filthy Animals vs. The Revolution; Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay in a Hardcore Championship match; Diamond Dallas Page vs. THE WALL, BROTHER; and a main event of Bret Hart defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Chris Benoit…Boy, Bret got a concussion and then got sent out to work the stiffest dudes around immediately after…

 

  • Leia Meow does the splits in the back…This tawdry bit of male gaze camerawork is disgusting, just disgusting!...I can’t believe it…Let me just replay it a few times so that I can really feel that sense of disgust I’m talking about…

 

  • (As you know by now, teenage me would have run through cinderblocks for Leia Meow)…

 

  • Some dudes pull up on motorcycles…Who they are, we’ll find out later…

 

  • Okerlund talks to Benoit about his title shot against the Hitman…Benoit cuts a mediocre babyface promo in which he’s shocked and appalled at Bret choosing the easy way of cutting corners over the hard way of commitment and sacrifice…He tries to get an emotional sort of “you let me down, Bret” promo over, but he’s just not good at projecting human emotions other than anger…

 

  • PG-13 gets some work in dying days WCW against the Varsity ClubWolfie D raps before the match…JC Ice asks whether this is supposed to be where The Big Boys Play…Yes, and the Nitro Grill is where The Big Boys Eat…Anyway, Leia Meow comes out here…And I guess the Varsity Club or whatever is with her…These dicks abuse poor Leia and make her do a bunch of fitness tests…Tenay demands more jumping jacks, that pervert…DISGUSTING…She should totally do more jumping jacks just so we can truly reveal what a perv Tenay is…Eventually, she leaves the ring and this WCW-ass WCW matchup begins…Steiner does more suplexes and lariats and less boring maulings, so all of a sudden, he’s watchable again…Sully opines upon the DC Screwjob  over on commentary while Steiner and Rotundo/a dominate…They refuse to conform to the tag rules laid out in the match contract because they’re too busy dominating…The match gets thrown out, and Sully jumps in the ring and kicks the shit out of PG-13 as well….Steiner whips Leia in and she lands an elbow on Wolfie's junk…Leia is wearing a lei, and she puts it on Ice and kisses him before the Club tosses him out of the ring…They make her do some more push-ups after that…THOSE BRUTES…

 

  • The biker guys, helmets still on, stomp through the halls backstage…

 

  • Daffney encourages David as he attacks a guy working the drive-thru of a local restaurant for getting his order wrong…

 

  • Hennig and Russo make fun of the rest of Russo’s Mooks, who I guess are out of a job now that the nWo exists…The bikers reveal themselves to be Creative Control; they jump in, attack Hennig, and complain about being used and then left out of this whole nWo reformation deal…They end up threatening Russo and leaving…I assure you that no one cares about you or your quest for vengeance, sirs…This has serious “Big Bubba Rogers goes on a quest for vengeance against the nWo” energy…

 

  • The Filthy Animals (including Eddy Guerrero) troop to the ring…Hacksaw is out next…Tenay calls Duggan “a patriot…a true American”…He agreed to a stipulation, then didn’t follow through on it…What a scumbag…I’d like to think he’s not a true American based on those actions…Duggan and the Filthy Animals are the weirdest combo ever, maybe…This is some WAR-ass shit…

 

  • Eddy tries to do some boilerplate patriotic stuff on the mic and I feel embarrassed for him…So wait, Kidman and Eddy patched things up off-screen, or like what?...I guess they did, and they ditched Torrie in a “bros before hoes” sort of deal…I only use that phrase because, look around, we’re in the Russo-Ferrara Era…Kidman says that he and Eddy only had problems because sometimes he “think[s] with the wrong head,” which gets bleeped…Kidman flouts Turner S&P and gets bleeped again…Konnan hits the Catchphrase Roulette, which is still over…Konnan gets bleeped…Hacksaw looks entirely shocked in the background at all the bleep-worthy comments his partners are making…This is actually pretty funny…Misterio gets bleeped dropping his "hump you like the dogs" catchphrase while Hacksaw awkwardly humps the air in support…What the fuck, man, this was so weird…And we still have a match to come…Duggan: “I’m not gonna use that SALTY language like these boys do”…Duggan tries to say the word “bitch,” but can’t do it and replaces it with HOOOOOOOO, which is genuinely funny…

 

  • Aw man, now the Revolution is here…Malenko does some mic work in which he demands that everyone pledge allegiance to the Revolution’s flag…The crowd chants U-S-A…Saturn: “Okay, you know where you are, but can you spell it?”…Saturn helps Tony S. cross-promote the Turner networks by comparing the Filthy Animals getting beaten down by the Revs again and again to Fred Flintstone not understanding that the rack of ribs is too big for his car every episode…Tony S. at least doesn’t insult adult Cartoon Network watchers like the last time he cross-promoted the channel (Show #121)…Douglas vows to force Duggan to denounce America…I have to admit; live crowds are into this feud…I’ve come around to this use of Duggan as actually worthwhile to WCW television…It’s a midcard thing that has heat…It’s fine!...I can’t believe I typed any of that, though…Douglas calls everyone lazy welfare cheats, then drops a NOT like he’s Borat…This was such bad mic work from Douglas that I actually came around and enjoyed it as an example of goofy ‘80s heel mic work, but with more cusses…. This was all so dumb that I ended up enjoying immensely…This was the most talking from a bunch of people whom I typically don’t want to hear talk that I’ve ever enjoyed in my life…

 

  • Russo books Curt Hennig and Jeff Jarrett to take on Creative Control; then, he makes a point of saying that he’s going to hide out in his white limo…

 

  • Tank Abbott looks like a bum in this setting…He’s going to roll an entirely mis-used La Parka…Abbott clubbers and clubbers and no-sells a chair shot to the dome, but I don’t buy it…He clubbers Parka so bad that the ref calls for the bell and security tries to back Abbott off…Abbott puts Dellinger’s lights out before leaving…

 

  • Norman Smiley prays for safety before his match with Fit Finlay…Smiley’s hiding while he prays, and he hears steps and thinks that it’s Fit…It’s Goldberg, so yeah, a bit more dangerous even than Fit…Smiley breathes a sigh of relief as Goldberg continues walking…

 

  • We see a taped promo labeled TAFKAPI’s recording session number two…Uh, I didn’t see the first recording session…I guess that got cut for some reason…Paisley shits on the engineering guy for not understanding TAFKAPI’s lyrics…

 

  • Norman Smiley is in college football gear this time around…He rolls a bin of crap to the ring for his match with Finlay…Fit kills poor Norm…Norm shrieks…Finlay beats Norm through the crowd…They wander into a concession stand, where Knobbs jumps Norm and helps Fit beat him down…Finlay orders Knobbs to bash Norm’s head into a lowering door, then plans to jam his head under it…Meng rushes up and destroys both of them before it happens…Meng drags Norm’s leg on top of Finlay and gets three…Smiley hugs Meng’s legs, but Meng was just being a dick to Fit rather than a friend to Norm…Norm gets TDG’d…

 

  • Jarrett gets a note from Russo to come see him and crumples it, annoyed, as he’s on next…

 

  • Ah, Goldberg left that note; he goozles Jarrett as Jarrett enters Russo’s destroyed office and tells him to take a message to the nWo…He’s gonna get the Outsiders first, Jarrett at some time in the future, and then “when Bret Hart stands alone, I’m gonna rip out his heart and eat it”…Bad ass, dude…

 

  • Creative Control demands to be called the Harris Boys from now on…Man, these guys suck…Stop letting them talk, you idiots…Everything in this era is a blip…Creative Control lasted under that name with the suits for what, six weeks, eight weeks?...Alright, well, it’s not Gerald and/or Patrick and Patrick and/or Gerald anymore…Now it’s Ron and/or Don and Don and/or RonHennig comes to the ring, but there’s no Jarrett when “Rockhouse” hits…Jarrett, of course, was accosted by Goldberg and is probably more concerned with other things…Hennig goes it alone and catches a beatdown…Hey, is Virgil/Vincent/Curly Bill/Shane off WCW television for good now?...If so, our long national nightmare is over!...Tenay is shocked that Tony S. can tell the difference between Ra/oD and Da/oR, but Tony replies that 1) he has twins, so he’s used to looking for differences and 2) the tattoos are the clue to telling them apart…I don’t care enough to see which twin has his SS tattoo on his left bicep and which twin has his SS tattoo on his right bicep, personally, so I’ll leave that to Tony…The Harris Boys win with a, um, side slam…The nWo runs down with baseball bats after the match and everyone in the group destroys the Harris Boys…

 

  • The Harris Boys get loaded into an ambulance after the break…

 

  • Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs and ladies) comes to the ring, obviously with a dubbed theme because it drowns out the commentary…Kanyon joins the desk while the Maestro plays and Symphony appreciates the music…Kanyon is pretty funny…He tells the commentators that they’re welcome because he got them into Ready to Rumble…Then he says that their acting stunk, but at least it’s not as bad as their commentary…A shocked Tenay starts to speak, so Kanyon says “Especially you” and then starts a BRING BACK JUVI chant…Man, Kanyon is pretty funny sometimes!...Oh, okay…the Maestro faces Bam Bam Bigelow next while Kanyon jabbers on at the desk…Bam Bam rolls over Maestro, but runs into a kick…The desk asks Kanyon about what’s in his suitcase…Kanyon says he got Hudson and Tenay some Rogaine…Bam Bam quickly shakes off the boot to the head and re-takes control…Symphony tries to cover Maestro so Bammer won’t drop a diving headbutt…Kanyon’s ladies get on the apron to distract the ref…J. Biggs tries to hit Bammer with the champagne bottle, but Bam Bam blocks it, takes the bottle, and cracks it over Biggs’s head…Kanyon takes a title belt out of the briefcase, then gets in the ring and mows down Bam Bam with it…Maestro rolls on top for three…Very busy match, especially the finish…

 

  • Gene Okerlund asks DDP about getting cucked, to use a word that Russo probably wishes were in the common lexicon when he was writing television, to caley's point…Page: “FACT – Bagwell ain’t doin’ my wife Kimberly”…Every feud DDP has had this year outside of when he was the World Heavyweight Champion has been centered around Kimberly, have you noticed?...Page just exists to fight guys over their treatment of Kim…DDP, bumming me out, says that he overreacted when he saw Buff and Kim sitting together in the cafeteria and continues on to say, and I quote: “Hey, they want to make an angle out of this? Works for me.” Yes, please keep reminding me that this show isn’t grounded in anything real, you imbeciles…I already had no interest in DDP/Buff, but this promo managed to drive me into negative interest in that feud…DDP declares that he won’t be wrestling until he gets a match with Buff, so I guess tonight’s bout against THE WALL, BROTHER is off…

 

  • Recap: Madusa and Evan, sittin’ in a tree/Evan got fooled by S-P-I-C-E…Lost his lady/Lost his belt/Got so mad he gave Chavo a welt/…Not my best work, but the best I could do on fewer than seven hours of sleep…

 

  • Evan Karagias is in the ring to declare that he’s tired of playing around with these foolish women and plans to get all of womankind back by seducing as many of them as possible, and then YESSSSSSS FUCKING THREE COUNT IS HERE…YEAHHHHHH…Shane Helms and Shannon Moore make their first appearances on one of WCW’s two major shows in the Nitro Era…I shit on Russo all the time for having stupid ideas and bad gimmick concepts, but this one, in fact, totally rules…He should get his props for this…Now let me find out that it wasn’t his idea…I almost expect someone to post that it wasn’t his idea below…

 

  • Karagias plans to steal all the girls from the fellas in the crowd, sleep with them, and then never call them again…Forming a boy band in the ‘90s is a good vehicle for using women as mere bodies with which to quell your inner pain…The Three Count music video plays…And for the first time in this watch, I hit mute and go to YouTube to restore the proper feeling for this trio…I love this gimmick, I am a huge fan of late-stage WCW Shane Helms, I dug their feud with the Jung Dragons…I’m now looking forward to something on WCW television…That feeling has been restricted mostly to bookers and execs going away lately...To be excited about actual pro wrestlers and angles rules…Anyway, Chavo attacks Three Count from behind and starts what should be a pretty great rivalry with Shane Helms from the jump…Chavo clears the ring and then dances poorly…

 

  • David Flair stops for some gas and gets into it with gas station attendant Crowbar, in what is a night for debuts, I guess…Crowbar is a crazy dickhead, so David and Daffney vibe with the dude…

 

  • After the break, Vampiro and the Misfits drive up on Dave at the gas station, jump him, and grab DaffneyCrowbar runs in and makes the save with a foam pipe…

 

  • Poor Dave Penzer wears a neck brace and winces at the video of Crowbar going to town…He probably will be getting revenge on Davey Flair at some point…Tony S. announces that DDP’s walkout has caused Russo to change the THE WALL, BROTHER’s opponent to Kevin Nash…The trios tag is up next…It’s Konnan, Kidman, and Duggan against Malenko, Saturn, and AsyaDouglas gets on commentary…Kidman overcomes Malenko early…Malenko tags out and Saturn gets his ass beat next…Asya breaks up a two-count off a Kidman crossbody, so Kidman knocks her out of the ring…Kidman turns around into an actual T-Bone Suplex that dumps him damn near on the top of his head…

 

  • Kidman is now the FIP…Saturn drops a sick Savage Elbow in the heel control segment for two…Then he tries a powerbomb, the foolish fool…So, Kidman manages a hot tag after that counter-facebuster and Duggan gets in the ring…He dominates Saturn, but Malenko grabs him…Duggan pops Malenko, but refuses to hit Asya, and that allows Saturn to low blow him…Douglas gets up and tries to get Duggan to denounce America while Shane chokes him over the middle ropes, but Duggan refuses…In fact, the demand fires him up…Duggan stalks Douglas outside the ring…Rey gets in the ring on his crutches and double-ball-shots Saturn and Malenko with the ends of said crutches…Kidman and Konnan hit double sunset flips on the hunched over Revolution members for three…Saturn and Malenko take Rey’s crutches and smash Konnan and Kidman with them after the match…

 

  • Kevin Nash (w/Scott Hall) hits the ring for his match with THE WALL, BROTHER…Hall joins commentary…Nash hits a series of knees and elbows, then a boot choke…TW,B makes a comeback and lands punches and a running clothesline in the corner…TW,B runs into a boot on a corner charge, but ducks Nash’s follow-up clothesline and scores one of his own…TW,B looks for the goozle…Hall jumps in the ring with a bat and clobbers TW,B, drawing a disqualification…Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett come down with bats and cans of silver spray paint…They mark TW,B while “Rockhouse” plays…

 

  • Bret might as well stick around because he’s facing Chris Benoit next…Before that, THE WALL, BROTHER smashes his way off the gurney that he’s been placed upon in a rage and tears apart the backstage area in anger…

 

  • Nash prepares to take a shower, and Hall lovingly caresses him and asks if he can join…No, wait, this is a wrestling show review and not someone's wrestling-focused slash fic blog on Tumblr...Hall walks around looking for a trainer…He (unfortunately for him) finds Goldberg…Meanwhile, we see Nash lathering up in the shower and singing…He asks Scott to hand him the conditioner, but he turns around and is grabbed by Goldberg…We cut to Hall, laid out through a table…We cut back to Nash, laid out in the shower…This was nonsense…FAAAAAAAAKE…Try not to remind me that I’m watching a television show…All the cuts and the camera tinting were immersion breaking...

 

  • OK, now we get Bret/Benoit…Benoit immediately stomps out the Hitman…He continues chopping away during an obligabrawl that is sparked when Bret rolls out of the ring to escape…Bret manages to kick Benoit in the gut and take over…They get back in the ring, where the Hitman lands a nice inverted atomic drop…They fuck up a Benoit flip out of a side slam, but Bret moves things along like Benoit was supposed to drop ineffectually on his face…Benoit finally chops his way out of an assault in the corner…He lands a back elbow for two…A snap suplex gets two more…Let me give Russo some more credit…He finally made Benoit look like a legit main eventer with how he booked the guy…Benoit comes off like a dangerous potential company ace at this point…The Hitman regains control and drops headbutts, then chokes and clubs Benoit in the corner…His follow up whip gets reversed, though, and Bret takes a chest-first bump…In a cool sequence, Bret reverses a whip and positions Benoit for a side Russian, but Benoit catches Bret’s arm and drops into a Crippler Crossface…Jeff Jarrett runs down and KABONGs Benoit, then spray paints him…Goldberg runs down for the save and spears Jarrett while Bret escapes…That ending sucked, but the match was excellent and well worth checking out...

 

  • We see Goldberg chase Bret to the back, but Bret takes off in his car…Hey, Russo’s white limo is there…Oh no, is this where Goldberg almost loses his own arm by smashing the limo’s windows?!...Are we about to end up with Goldberg and Bret both off WCW television indefinitely?!...I mean, Russo was a terrible booker, but he also had awful luck…He never should have been in a position to suggest Tank Abbott as emergency champ in the first place…And look, about that, they’re pushing Abbott like a mindless killer, so I can’t sit here and act like Russo came up with that out of nowhere…But that’s for later…

 

  • For now, this Thunder got me excited about the future and had enough fun stuff on it that I give it a sound WOOO
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50 minutes ago, zendragon said:

On a positive note I was able to find both Benoit v Jarrett Starrcade matches and their Mayhem match. All very good , and that Mayhem finish didn't bother me in a vacuum but I'm sure seeing finishes like that up and down the card is exhausting for the viewer 

I forgot to mention their Mayhem '99 match, which did make my Good Matches list as well. It was the opener, which helped quite a lot as it was only the first match of the night to have a fucky-fuck ending and not the sixth or eighth or whatever.

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42 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

I shit on Russo all the time for having stupid ideas and bad gimmick concepts, but this one, in fact, totally rules…He should get his props for this…Now let me find out that it wasn’t his idea…I almost expect someone to post that it wasn’t his idea below…

Am I first? 

It wasn't his idea.

Pretty sure it was an Indy gimmick that also probably would have worked a little better because they replaced one of the original members with Karagias and then signed the other two.

Edit: The group was called The Badstreet Boys and consisted of Moore, Helms, Christian York and Joey Matthews (Mercury) and somehow WCW signed all of them but only out Helms and Moore in 3 Count!

Edited by caley
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14 minutes ago, caley said:

Am I first? 

It wasn't his idea.

Pretty sure it was an Indy gimmick that also probably would have worked a little better because they replaced one of the original members with Karagias and then signed the other two.

i think Jimmy Hart was the main creative force behind this one. or maybe i'm misremembering due to his actual musical history.

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I wonder if that David Flair restaurant segment was a shot at Corney?

11 year old me would have run through a brick wall for Leia Meow, 21 year old me would have run through a brick wall for Leia Meow, 31 year old me would have run through a brick wall, 41 year old me would currently bad knees and all run through a brick wall

I always feel that Russo at some fundamental level just doesn't get pro wrestling, it so often feels like he's trying to rip off Heyman's ECW style booking while lacking in the subtlety, storytelling, and understanding of why things are happening that made ECW work 

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5 hours ago, twiztor said:

i think Jimmy Hart was the main creative force behind this one. or maybe i'm misremembering due to his actual musical history.

I have no evidence of this but I bet, even with the inclusion of Evan Karagias, the WCW boy band was probably better than the Indy one and I base that largely on Jimmy Hart's involvement

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3 hours ago, zendragon said:

I always feel that Russo at some fundamental level just doesn't get pro wrestling, it so often feels like he's trying to rip off Heyman's ECW style booking while lacking in the subtlety, storytelling, and understanding of why things are happening that made ECW work 

 

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Show #220 – 27 December 1999

“The one that is NEW YEAR'S EVIL and also missing about a half-hour chunk on the Network”

  • It’s Nitro: New Year’s Evil!

 

  • More importantly, it’s the last Nitro of 1999! We made it through a notorious year of WCW wrestling that, in the midst of a lot of mediocre-to-bad stuff, actually had some pretty great matches and segments. Some good work has been overshadowed by the dumpster fire that it’s taken place within.

 

  • Recap: Goldberg is on the warpath, at least if he still has both arms still functional after punching out the windows on Russo’s limo.

 

  • The new nWo walks, and the only reason I mention this is that Scott Hall is noticeably absent.

 

  • Welp. As Tenay narrates video Goldberg smashing out limo windows, he notes that this dumbass sliced a tendon in his arm. He smashed the hood of the limo and blood splattered everywhere – gross! Tony S. mentions that Scott Hall hasn’t been seen since Goldberg beat him up on Thunder. Tony S. says that Bill Busch sent in an angry memo stating that if Hall didn’t show up by the start of the show tonight, the Outsiders are stripped of the gold. Russo and Ferrara must acquiesce to Busch since he outranks them, but they’ve decided to book…

 

  • *deep breath*

 

  • A NEW YEAR’S EVIL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT TONIGHT ON NITROOOOOOO

 

  • *whew*

 

  • I guess it starts tonight and continues on the first Nitro of 2000. I assume this is adios to Scott Hall, and whether he pops up again for a short while in early 2000 or not, frankly, that guy should have been fired a long time ago. He was a walking mess for YEARS.

 

  • And I note that Hall won four titles in 1999 and didn’t lose any of them in the ring – he won two U.S. Championships and forfeited both, won the World Tag titles and has now forfeited them, and won the TV title and tossed it in the trash. Absurd. 

 

  • Other matches tonight: Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman for the U.S. Championship; Bret Hart vs. Jerry Flynn (?!) for the World Heavyweight Championship; there will also be segments with TTP and Liz as well as Scott Steiner, who is purportedly retiring because his back is wrecked.

 

  • Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs, ladies) hits the desk. Kanyon is wearing a headset and commentating his own entrance. Kanyon calls the upcoming year THE TWO TRIPLE ZERO. What a dork, and I say that as a compliment. Brian Knobbs comes out while Kanyon swears that the Oscars have been renamed the Kanyons and that he’s been nominated in a little-known category: Best Pro Wrestler Performance in a Major Motion Picture. Yeah, it’s good to have Kanyon back on WCW television. Knobbs and Bam Bam Bigelow go at it in a hardcore bout; Knobbs jumps Bammer while Bammer is getting in Kanyon’s face.

 

  • This is a nothing trash match, so let’s talk about Kanyon on commentary instead, since that’s actually entertaining. Kanyon gave himself a belt for beating DDP and Bam Bam Bigelow both individually and in a triple threat, which he technically did! They brawl through the crowd while Kanyon tries to get through the swarm of people to commentate on the action up close: MOVE IT, MOVE IT, YA MARKS. Seriously, you can’t see anything, the fans are in the way of the brawl. I mean, seriously, it’s literally unwatchable, not just figuratively unwatchable. I think that Kanyon does something to Bigelow and Knobbs pins Bam Bam for three. What the hell was this? Fucking Craig Leathers (FCL!)!

 

  • Syko Sid has been allowed to rent cars again; he shows up in one with Chris Benoit in tow. In the distance, we get a lingering shot of an nWo-branded monster truck.

 

  • The remaining nWo members bully J.J. Dillon and sack tap him while handing over the tag titles.

 

  • After a commercial break, the nWo members go outside, surround the monster truck and admire it, then declare that they have some business to attend to.

 

  • Sid walks onto the ramp and bad mouths the nWo. He, Benoit, and Goldberg have formed an alliance of convenience to combat them. Might wanna get another third considering Goldberg’s injury, fellas. Sid announces that he’s received a WCW World Heavyweight Championship shot at Souled Out, but that’s not ever going to happen, as most clued-in American wrestling fans know even if they haven’t watched the actual shows from this era in WCW.

 

  • Benoit comes out, takes the mic, and challenges Jeff Jarrett because RESPECT and EGO and GREED and such. Benoit is facing off with Jarrett at Souled Out, presumably for the U.S. Championship if Jarrett still has it. Benoit proposes something called a Triple Threat Theatre, basically a Three Stages of Hell Match. This one includes these matches: Dungeon Match, Bunkhouse Match, Caged Heat. I’m not entirely sure how the Dungeon Match is all that different from a Bunkhouse Match, but I’m not sure that anyone in power knows at this point either.

 

  • The nWo spray paints Sid’s car. Well, at least it’s not crunched into a cube! That’s a bright side to this! [EDITOR'S NOTE: LOL, dear reader, LOL]

 

  • The audio has been borked during this whole show so far, by the way. FCL!

 

  • Sid and Benoit find the car. Sid is bummed, understandably.

 

  • As another aside, Russo is putting up the re-formed nWo against the McMahon-Helmsley Era as his competing main angle. I don’t even like Triple H, and it's still not close. The McMahon-Helmsley Era angle was really good to my memory (though I haven't seen it since it originally aired, either).

 

  • Buzzkill hits the ring, and Leia Meow is out next (w/The Varsity Club). Mike Rotundo/a is tagging with Buzzkill – it’s Lethal Lottery, remember? – to face Konnan (w/The Filthy Animals) and (of course) Dean Malenko (w/The Revolution). Ah, the “random” drawing for Lethal Lottery strikes again! Tony S. pretends to be surprised about this unlikely pairing, then says that Kevin Nash and “Scott” will be entering the tag tournament tonight. Something tells me that Scotty Steiner won’t actually be retiring!

 

  • Rotundo/a and Malenko have like, the most Rotundo/a and Malenko opening ever. Buzzkill also kicks Malenko’s ass, so Malenko blindly tags Konnan, who takes over and immediately dominates the proceedings. Malenko decides that now is the time to attack Konnan, which sparks a brawl between the Filthy Animals and the Revolution. While that happens outside the ring, Asya tries to interfere. Leia Meow jumps on her back and draws the ref’s attention; Hacksaw Duggan runs down, clocks Malenko in the head with his 2x4, and leaves Malenko laying for an academic three count after Buzzkill makes the cover.

 

  • Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart yank some plugs out of a production truck backstage.

 

  • The fuzzy picture caused by the plug yanking captures a limo pulling up. Rick Steiner meets the limo and helps brother Scott out of the back. Tony S. apologizes for the poor production that’s not up to WCW’s usual standards, by the way, and that got a guffaw out of me.

 

  • Jeff Jarrett spray paints some walls. This would have been a lot more pioneering if it hadn’t happened multiple times on Nitro in 1996 and 1997, y’know.

 

  • It’s Shane! He’s going to get mauled by Tank Abbott. Abbott does his whole deal. It is quite dull. Abbott wins by KO in about thirty seconds. Security immediately swarms the ring and backs Abbott away.

 

  • Do you think Rick Steiner is excited about being in on a Scott Steiner fake injury angle for once?

 

  • Promo: Thanks to Electronic Arts and WCW Mayhem for the Nintendo 64 and Game Boy Color consoles for supporting the Nitro New Year’s Evil sweepstakes! I’m shocked that WCW announced and successfully followed through on a sweepstakes, by the way. We get a shot of the row full of winners.

 

  • Retrospective: This one covers Scott Steiner’s career, which won’t be over in terms of regular competition for another decade or so. This is actually a decent tribute, by the way, but that’s not going to get me to buy the SWERVE, BRO.

 

  • Rick Steiner rolls Scotty out here in a wheelchair and a back brace. The crowd buys it, though, and why wouldn’t they? Scott's crying, for one thing, and WCW crowds are not used to Russo swerving left and right and then left again for every angle quite yet. Actually, Russo has been somewhat restrained about all the swerves, at least for him, in this first run. Scotty really sells this, by the way. He absolutely kills it in this segment. I’m shocked that this guy is crying. I didn’t know the Steiner Brothers even knew what tears were.

 

  • The nWo music playing immediately after the speech should be the canary in the coal mine that Scotty is secretly as healed as much as a pro wrestler can possibly be. Bret: “Get your stinkin’ ass out of the ring because we don’t have time for a washed-up nobody like you. Scotty, I’ll be really honest: You were never very good anyway.” OK, that was so mean that it made me laugh. The crowd BOOOOS once they chuck Scotty's wheelchair out of the ring. Bret, speaking to the jeering crowd while trying not to burst into laughter: OH, STOP IT. Houston is legit pissed at these dudes. One of the PA’s at ringside gives Nash the WRAP IT UP, B treatment, so Jarrett goes out there and KABONGs him. Nash, faux-surprised: “Ohhhhhhh, it’s a break.” That was so dumb. What a dad joke from Nash. Anyway, these fellas garnered some legit heel heat and were extremely entertaining. 

 

  • Wait, they’re still here when we come back from break. Nash is mad that someone stole the nWo's bats from their locker room, then tells Bill Busch to chill in his nice Atlanta-area office and let the nWo and TPtB run things in WCW. Nash gives away the game by declaring: I PROMISE YOU THAT TONIGHT, SCOTT [no last name] WILL BE HERE. Nash amps up the cheap heat by declaring the Astrodome a shithole that they were supposed to tear down by now and then calling everyone a bunch of, and I quote, “Houston cowboy pussies.” They should have stopped at the break when they’d actually done some really good heeling. Bret’s talking now, and it’s not great like it was when he was shitting on Scotty Steiner. Jarrett calls this Nitro location the ASSHOLEDOME. OK, this nWo version is only good on the mic if they’re bullying other wrestlers, I guess.

 

  • OK, we’re learning something about Turner S&P over the past handful of weeks: The word “pussy” = unbleeped. The word “asshole” = bleeped. The word “head” when it refers to a penis, even if used in a double entendre = bleeped. Huh.

 

  • Sid and Benoit turn out to be the guy to have stolen the nWo's silver bats; they drive down the aisle in Sid’s tagged car, bust out of it, and clear the ring while swinging them. Curt Hennig runs in so that he can get beaten up and launched over the top rope and onto the hood of Sid’s caddy. I hope Sid got insurance on this ride.

 

  • Thanks to twiztor, this next section of the review is being written based on his copy of the original show, Surge ads (collect all five WCW wrestler cans!) and all. Thanks, twiztor, for helping me out in the name of science!

 

  • After said Surge ad (and a Randy Savage Slim Jim ad, the latter of which the folks who edited these for the Network tended to leave in their uploads), we see Curt Hennig get put in an ambulance. 

 

  • Harlem Heat come to the ring for their tag tournament match against Lash LeRoux and Midnight. We're in Houston, a fan holds up a WELCOME HOME sign for the Heat, and Tony S. thinks Booker and Stevie got an amazing break with this draw - I think it's obvious what's going to happen even if I didn't already know the result. LeRoux sucks; he can barely hit a victory roll. He's a mediocre athlete by pro wrestling standards and should maybe do stuff that he doesn't stink at. He has a touch of the Jericho to him. Booker has few issues with LeRux otherwise, and Stevie has even fewer. After Stevie tosses LeRoux into his corner, Midnight tags in. 

 

  • Midnight loses a lockup with Stevie, then has nothing for him on a shoulderblock. Midnight does win a suplex, which is when Booker blind tags himself in. Booker and Midnight have a decent segment, but Booker pulls off of a back kick. Booker is doing these sequences that are just a bit too complex and a bit too beyond Midnight at this point in her career. Nothing amazing, just switches and reversals. Anyway, Booker eases Midnight out of a backbreaker, and Stevie has enough. He gets in the ring, whips out his slapjack, and rings up Book for not taking the match seriously. He whaps Midnight with it as well, then tags LeRoux for good measure. LeRoux topples over onto Booker and gets a three that he knows nothing about. 

 

  • Chavo Jr. tries to catch up with Bret Hart backstage to sell him something, and tiny little Scream mask person jumps him from behind. 

 

  • OH NO, The Revolution does one of these ASSAULT ON AMERICA videos in front of the Washington Monument. They try to do comedy. It fails. I can't wait until Saturn and Malenko bust up out of here and hopefully end this Revolution nonsense for good. 

 

  • The Power Plant "Elite" are shown sitting in the crowd. "The future of this organization," Tony and Tenay say. In a sense, they're right; it's just a very brief future!

 

  • Jerry Flynn, in a t-shirt and jeans comes to the ring to face the Hitman, who is, um, on jobber entrance? Why is the world champ getting a jobber entrance? This match is a zero with a shitty obligabrawl. On the other hand, Bret hits a nice DDT. I guess it was worth it for that. What's four minutes to get a sweet DDT, really? One thing that I'm shocked about is Jerry Flynn working from jobber to semi-pushed lower-midcard talent in like four years. I can't believe the guy is getting PPV matches in the year 2000! Bret apparently needs help from Jeff Jarrett to get Flynn in a Sharpshooter; after Jarrett uses a bat to knock Flynn out, Bret gets a KO victory with his finisher. Flynn is beaten and spray-painted after the match, and Tank Abbott comes out to fake a wellness check and then punches him to boot! That poor sap Jerry Flynn.

 

  • Whoa, a WCW Road Report! 

 

  • Sid Vicious and Sting 2: The Stingening WCW videos are out and ready to purchase. Also, so is that TOO HOT FOR TV Nitro Girls video. Or maybe a different one? Who knows. 

 

  • What the hell? It's another fucking Revolution blipment. Saturn can be a fun and funny guy in promos, but he can't possibly rise above this stink. I'm still baffled at how the Revolution became an anti-American separatist group. Again, what the hell?

 

  • Nash talks to Scott on the phone. BUT WHICH ONE, HUH? WHICH ONE?!?!

 

  • PG-13 gets murked by Rick Steiner (and also Berlyn for a couple of minutes). The Memphis stalwarts hit the ring while wearing Eddie George and Frank Wycheck Titans jerseys. Wolfie D insults Houston about it. Bud Adams SUCKS. I stood with Houston Oilers fans, dammit! The powder blues and the oil derrick logo are classics, unlike this garbage-ass Houston Texans nonsense. What shitty branding. This match exists, and only for a short time, but Berlyn hits a sweet back suplex on Wolfie D, and Ricky Steiner throws about a billion suplexes that are somewhat reckless and kind of awesome. On top of that, I get to see Leia Meow in this segment. Yeah, this was okay!

 

  • Saturn walks up to Janitor Duggan; he tells Duggan that they're partners against Asya and Norman Smiley. Saturn tries to make peace with Duggan, then calls Asya "jacked-up hoochie." I see someone was talking to Stevie in the back. 

 

  • Thus ends the portion of this review that was added after the original publication of this review. The adjusted Stinger Splash score is below. Thanks again, twiztor!

 

  • Pre-taped promo: THE REVOLUTION’S ASSAULT ON AMERICA continues. This is extremely bad, but at least it's short. Saturn chases down a guy wearing a Bill Clinton match outside the White House while Douglas blathers on. No more of these, please.

 

  • Screamin’ Norman Smiley is dressed like an umpire. I’m glad that he carved himself out a nice midcard niche on these shows, but they’re gonna need to iterate on Norm’s single joke, and they’re gonna need to do it sooner rather than later. Asya (w/The Revolution) gets the shot at Norm’s Hardcore Championship is Norm’s partner in the tag tournament. Sorry; they showed Smiley surviving last week’s title defense, and I assumed wrongly that it was leading in to another title defense for Norm. Their opponents: Saturn and Jim Duggan. Duggan beats up Saturn before Norm can even lock up with the latter. Norm jumps Saturn, hits a swinging slam, and teases a Big Wiggle. He doesn’t hit it, but does land a crisp vertical suplex for two. He smacks Saturn’s ass, but still doesn’t full-on wiggle. Instead, he dances way too much and gets caught with a release German. Saturn hits a bunch of suplexes on Norm, then goes up and lands a Savage Elbow. Of course, he lands it on Norm’s chest protector, so it’s ineffective.

 

  • Norm tags out and Asya comes into the ring. Saturn lifts her up for a DVD, but lets her down and dismissively waves her over to Norm to tag back out. A miffed Asya, who isn’t good at pro wrestling, whiffs on a low blow before landing it the second time, then hits a weak clothesline. She puts Saturn up on the top rope and then takes awhile to figure out how to position herself to land a superplex before finally doing it. Asya walks back over and tags Norm, then is distracted by arguing with Malenko and Douglas, who are upset that she attacked Saturn. In the background, Duggan lands an Old Glory kneedrop on Saturn, and Norm covers Saturn for three. Asya belly-to-belly suplexes Norm; Duggan clears the ring with his 2x4 calls his family to the ring to celebrate, but Houston is more muted about that celebration than I expected.

 

  • Promo: Souled Out on January 16th – wow, Russo is gone before that show. It’s already December 27th! Come to think about it, most of Russo’s dumbest ideas must come in his second run, then. Sure, this first Russo run has been bad, and there’s the December 20th Nitro episode that is a total nightmare even compared to the worst Nitros from Bischoff and Nash’s runs, but taken as a whole, I’d rather watch this three-month Russo run over Nash’s nine-month run every day, and I’d take any of Russo’s TV builds leading to PPV over Bischoff/Sullivan booking their way to Road Wild ’98. I’m also saying that about the run to Souled Out ahead of time, and I feel confident that I won’t have to change that statement, especially because I really hated a lot about Road Wild ’98, both the show and the build.

 

  • Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman seems like it could be good, though I’m not sure that it’ll get enough time to really amp up. Tony S. talks about the Triple Threat Theatre match, and I recall what happens as soon as he talks about the matches again. Jarrett fights a different legend in each match while Benoit is moved into a match against Sid for the big gold. Actually, that sounds dope. Is Souled Out going to be good, maybe?

 

  • Kidman tries to stay one step ahead of Jarrett, but he gets popped in the junk while throwing ten punches in the corner, and Jarrett takes over. He lands punches and whips Kidman hard into the corner, but Kidman lands a dropkick after ducking a clothesline. Kidman shoots Jarrett in and tries another dropkick, but Jarrett stops short, then catapults Kidman to the floor, where Bret and Nash run up on him. Nash bashes Kidman’s head into the apron and then tosses him back into the ring for Jarrett, who lands a nice stalling vertical suplex for two.

 

  • Jarrett lands a lovely dropkick of his own, then goes up and hits a crossbody that Kidman rolls through for about 2.7. Jarrett is up first; he lands a nice right, chokes Kidman on the ropes, and then keeps the ref’s attention so that Nash can throw a soupbone before going back to the choke. Jarrett tries to leap onto Kidman’s back and crotches himself, but he recovers quickly enough to land a lariat for two. Jarrett tries a sleeper next. Funny: Heenan starts singing a lullaby as Kidman goes out, and Tony S. says, “Thank you, Lee Marshall.” BURN. Heenan responds with a WHY, YOU DIRTY...; that made me laugh. Anyway, Kidman fires up out of the sleeper and reverses it. Jarrett shoots him out of it and into the ropes, but Kidman ducks Jarrett’s arm and lands a Sky High for two.

 

  • Kidman quickly climbs the ropes and hits a crossbody of his own for another two; Jarrett tries a suplex, but Kidman turns it into a sunset flip for two more. Kidman runs at Jarrett against the ropes, but Jarrett ducks and Nash pulls the top rope down so that Kidman flies to the floor. I wondered where the Filthy Animals were; they run down and attack the nWo, but Nash uses the baseball bat to knock down former Wolfpac partner Konnan. Bret and Eddy go at it outside the ring in what would be a dream match that probably only exists if you're playing Legends of Wrestling: Showdown, while Rey cracks Jarrett in the back with a crutch. Jarrett stumbles backward into a Kidman roll-up for…2.9.

 

  • The crowd is hot for this, and it’s quite awesome, to be sure. Jarrett tries a powerbomb like an IDIOT and eats a facebuster. Heenan: NEVER SAW ANYTHING LIKE THAT. Come on, Heenan. Kidman goes up for an SSP, but Nash makes it over and tags Kidman’s ankle with the bat. Kidman topples to the mat, and Jarrett hooks him and lands a Stroke for three. That was excellent televised pro wrestling. After the match, the nWo uses their bats to beat down the Filthy Animals; Nash destroys Rey’s knee with the bat.

 

  • OK, so zendragon said in a post upthread that he felt that it would have been better if Jarrett had stayed at the U.S. title level. I have to kinda disagree. Look, I was neutral-to-low on Jarrett coming into this watch, but his first WCW stint made me a huge fan, and this stint reinforces that he’s an excellent worker. He’s just not good enough to be the guy you build your main event around, but that’s like ninety-five percent of pro wrestlers. Hell, I could say that about Booker, Benoit, Nash. I’d even say that about Jericho, and Jericho is a guy who I think WCW desperately needed to hold onto for their corporate health (I think, like JBL, you get one long run out of Jericho as an annoying heel who barely holds onto the big gold, and then after that, he’s a spot guy at that level like everyone else I listed). Jarrett being in the world title mix and even holding it for a while is fine with me, but Russo wanting to build around him is a mistake, and NWA-TNA would soon prove why. Jarrett’s just not good enough to be a featured player long-term in your main event. But that's a high bar; he’s still pretty great!

 

  • Okerlund says that he has the displeasure of introducing The Total Package and Liz; TTP, dressed as Sting, comes out to Sting’s music. Tony S. tells us that Sting is taking a few weeks off to make some purchases of local real estate and maybe relax in Aruba heal his wrist and head and should be back end of January 2000. Package is funny; Gene doesn’t like Package’s antics and Package pleads, “C’mon Gene, work with me here.” TTP pretends to be Sting and does some awful howls. Package-as-Sting, listing off facts to prove Package’s awesomeness: “Six-foot-four! OWWWWW! 275 pounds! OWWWWWW! Four percent body fat and a thirty-two inch waist! OWWWWW!” This guy is fantastic.

 

  • Sting pulls an Undertaker: The lights go out while Package crows. When they come back on, Okerlund has disappeared and a bunch of black roses have appeared in the ring in his place. The crowd chants WE WANT STING, but Sting can’t hear your chants from the beach, where he’s sipping a Mai Tai.

 

  • Nash, on the phone: “Scott, it’s—45 South Kirby. It’s a big dome building!” That’s also very funny. I’m sure Scott’ll be here in time. Holy shit, Tenay buries Hall by asking if “Scott” has a designated driver. Goddam!

 

  • Fit Finlay comes out for another Lethal Lottery match. Guess who his partner is.

 

  • Go on, guess!

 

  • So, Fit Finlay and Meng face off with, uh, I’ll tell you in a second as Finlay and Meng start brawling before the second team even gets announced. The second team: The Harris Boys. This crowd is DEAD, folks. This turns into a senseless brawl that soon ends with Finlay and Meng being counted out after brawling with one another while the Harris Boys chillax in the ring. Eventually, as Meng and Finlay brawl up the aisle, the lights go out and someone attacks the Harris Boys. I thought they’d dropped that angle for a second.

 

  • David and Daffney are way too into the very bad Oliver Stone joint Natural Born Killers.

 

  • BOOO, we missed a Three Count performance. Vampiro has come into the ring and tossed Helms and Moore out of it, but left Karagias untouched, I suppose because Vampiro and Karagias are tagging up tonight. David Flair (w/Daffney) comes to the ring to tag with – of course – the Maestro (w/Symphony). Crowbar jumps Maestro in the aisle and knocks him out so that he can tag with David Flair instead. I am going to type something that I didn’t expect to type; I’m sort of enjoying lunatic David Flair right now. The Kimberly stuff sucked, but subtract her and add Daffney and Devon Storm, and this is actually a fun and weird little midcard gimmick.

 

  • Vampiro, who hates pop music as a punk fan, hasn’t endeared himself to Evan Karagias, so he finds himself in a bad spot almost immediately as he catches a beatdown from Dopey Dave and Crowbar. Vampiro is able to hit a double-facebuster on a Dave-and-Crowbar duck-down, then tags in Karagias. Karagias tries a monkey flip, but gets tossed outside and then hit with a running splash off the apron. Karagias flips the momentum of the match and hits a crossbody to Crowbar on the outside. Vampiro clubs Dave and tries to pin him, but Karagias is the legal man. Vamp and Evan argue, and Vamp first dispatches of an onrushing Helms and Moore, then tosses Karagias. That leaves him alone, and Dave gets Vamp to the mat so that Crowbar can hit him with a legdrop to the balls. Still, Vampiro is able to dispatch of Crowbar and hit Dave with a Nail in the Coffin, but Three Count distracts the ref for long enough that Crowbar can hit Vampiro with a pipe and put Dave on top of him for three. Three Count clear the ring so they can re-start their dance routine. Dave does his fucking Running Man again, HAHAHAHA, and then he and Crowbar beat down Three Count with weapon shots before Daffney and Dave make out.

 

  • Wait, hold on, this segment isn’t over. Lenny Lane, Lodi, and Stacy Standards & Practices and Miss Hancock hit the ring and tell Dopey Dave, Crowbar, and Daffney to stop their degenerate behavior or risk removal from Turner Network Television. Dave and Crowbar respond by whapping S&P in the head with their weapons. Let me paraphrase Tony S. here as he declares that this was the most bizarre segment he’s seen on WCW television. He’s not wrong, but this is a rare case where the busy, overbooked nonsense that Russo produces is actually very fun, if a giant mess. I don't know why it was fun. Maybe all these weird, different personalities clashing together was what made it work for me.

 

  • The nWo worries about Scott making the show in time. Nash is sanguine about things.

 

  • Disco Inferno is in Lethal Lottery, tagging with Big Vito. Kanyon opposes them alongside Buff Bagwell. Wait a minute: Tenay lists a bunch of teams who have advanced, and that includes Lash LeRoux and Midnight. Buh? Hold up: So, this episode showed the ‘technical difficulties” and “most complete form" notice at the beginning. That tells me something about why I didn’t see that match, but now I wonder what’s missing? Let’s check DDT Digest:

 

  • Lash LeRoux and Midnight defeated Harlem Heat; discount Scream-mask person attacked Chavo Jr.; Bret Hart defeated Jerry Flynn; PG-13 defeated Berlyn and Rick Steiner.

 

  • What the fuck? That’s like thirty minutes of wrestling that's gone missing! I don’t feel like I can even properly grade this thing with that much wrestling missing. I did some cursory searches for the missing matches and segments, but no dice on YT or DailyMotion. And it’s too bad for Russo’s side of the ledger, as I think I’ve pretty much liked this show.

 

  • Johnny the Bull tries to get with Kanyon’s ladies, so Kanyon overprotectively marches them out of there and leaves Buff alone. Buff tries his best, but the numbers game gets to him and Vito and Disco take over. Buff ducks a lariat and hits a swinging neckbreaker, but he’s got no partner to whom he can make a hot tag. He throws punches at both Vito and Disco, then ducks a Disco chain shot that hits Vito instead. Buff lands a Blockbuster on Vito and wins this one on his own.

 

  • Kevin Nash comes to the ring with the rest of the nWo for the final match of the night, a Lethal Lottery bout against Sid Vicious and THE WALL, BROTHER. Nash sells an upset stomach to try and stall for time, but it’s all a ruse! Jeff Jarrett gets on commentary while Nash attacks TW,B, who quickly turns things around. TW,B is big, but that’s about it. Being the heavy for a midcarder is about his ceiling. He hits a shitty back suplex/slam for two then throws a few more punches.

 

  • Bret manages to land a pipe shot to TW,B’s lower back to help Nash get some space. Nash draws Sid and the ref in so that Jarrett can get a few shots in as well. The nWo uses misdirection to hammer TW,B until, after a ref bump, Sid jumps in and attacks Jarrett. Bret catches TW,B in the head with a bat shot and revives the ref while Nash covers him for three. Benoit runs in for the save as the nWo attacks Sid post-match, but Scott Steiner comes to the ring with a bat and attacks Sid as Sid sets up to powerbomb Jarrett. Scotty shows his nWo colors and hits the Hulkster cupped ear celebration. Leaflets fall from the sky like it’s 1996.

 

  • Also, they load Sid into his car, which is still in the aisle, and drive it out to the back where Bret runs off toward the nWo monster truck; the truck crushes poor Sid’s car. It’s back to hailing cabs for that guy. I mean, if he’s still alive.

 

  • One more thing, before I get to my final thoughts. Here are the winners of these first-round Lethal Lottery matches: Buzzkill and Mike Rotundo/a, Norman Smiley and Asya, David Flair and Crowbar, the Harris Boys, Lash LeRoux and Midnight, PG-13, Buff Bagwell and Kanyon, and Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner

 

  • This show gets a Provisional 2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes just for being consistently entertaining even with the typical Russo-Ferrara booking and layout issues, but this review and the score will be updated if and when I can get my eyes on the rest of this show, even if that somehow doesn’t happen for a few weeks/months/years(?!). If anyone knows where these matches and segments are online, please hook a dude up.

 

  • Addendum (originally added on 9/8/24): After having seen the show in full, the addition of TWO Revolution vignettes and Bret getting a jobber entrance knocks this one down a half-Stinger Splash, but Rick Steiner killing PG-13 adds a quarter-Stinger Splash. The ultimate balance is as follows: 1.75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes

 

Edited by SirSmUgly
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23 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

Show #220 – 27 December 1999

“The one that is NEW YEAR'S EVIL and also missing about a half-hour chunk on the Network”

  • It’s Nitro: New Year’s Evil!

  • This show gets a Provisional 2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes just for being consistently entertaining even with the typical Russo-Ferrara booking and layout issues, but this review and the score will be updated if and when I can get my eyes on the rest of this show, even if that somehow doesn’t happen for a few weeks/months/years(?!). If anyone knows where these matches and segments are online, please hook a dude up.

 

  • did anything happen that was New Year's Evil themed? Vampiro? KISS Demon? anything?
  • i'll get the missing Nitro segments uploaded for you sometime this weekend. i know you need your Jerry Flynn fix.
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Quote
  • I guess it starts tonight and continues on the first Nitro of 2000.
  • Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs, ladies) hits the desk. Kanyon is wearing a headset and commentating his own entrance. Kanyon calls the upcoming year THE TWO TRIPLE ZERO. What a dork, and I say that as a compliment.

Seeing as it was the last Nitro of 1999, I was hoping to get 1 more "One Triple Nine" reference from you in the recap.  Then I was like, hey wait, 2000 is Two Triple Zero!  Then (x2) Kanyon goes ahead and calls it.

 

Kanyon was so much fun, I miss that dude.  Still bummed to this day he never got a chance with a goofy midcard run in WWE 😞

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10 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Show #220 – 27 December 1999

“The one that is NEW YEAR'S EVIL and also missing about a half-hour chunk on the Network”

  • It’s Nitro: New Year’s Evil!
    If anyone knows where these matches and segments are online, please hook a dude up.

 

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x95afyq

Edited by twiztor
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