SirSmUgly Posted August 14 Author Share Posted August 14 53 minutes ago, twiztor said: man, it's weird that you mention that Adrian Byrd is too green for TV....he's been jobbing for WCW for 2 1/2 years! YIKES He was not good. Quote holy shit, i had not heard that before. Listening to Hogan talk about how he "made" Kidman and that Kidman should have been going on to beat Goldberg and Jarrett and win the belt is ridiculous! i hope you keep this in mind when we get to the actual Hogan/Kidman match(? series? i don't remember). because Hogan did NOT make Kidman look like a major star and main eventer. fucking ridiculous. oh god, then he goes on to say that he puts over everybody. to quote the Natural, FUCC HULK HOGAN! WAIT, now he's hating on Kidman because he's not deserving. JESUS, this guy is a real piece of shit. He says that Kidman gets no reaction. That seems like a direct divergence from your observations. it's all about the narrative, BROTHER. My hero (?!) Vince Russo had Hogan all fucked up on that call. I love it. 48 minutes ago, caley said: I just have to say this thread has become part of my morning routine: (weather permitting), I like to take a cup of coffee, some sort of breakfast deal (Bagel, Costco chocolate muffin, even once a bowl of watermelon), out to the patio with my tablet and hope to read one of these reviews before the sun gets above the treeline and incinerates me. So thanks again for this thread! I love writing these, and I'm glad that you enjoy reading them! Though with the fall coming up, the posting schedule's going to get a lot more spotty, unfortunately... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 Show #209 – 4 October 1999 “The one in which we demonstrate the differences between high art (Bret vs. Benoit), low art (Sid's car-crushing shenanigans) and no art (Russo and Ferrara are on their way!)” Goldberg pulls up to the show in his car. Aw yeah, more car-related shenanigans! Sid theatrically steps out from behind a pillar that he was hiding behind and checks the number of the parking spot that Goldberg has pulled into – 22. This will become important later. I know this and I’ve never actually watched this episode. The screen cap spoils a certain couple of guys showing up to Nitro, but then again, it’s not exactly a surprise that Nash and Hall were coming back soon. We’re in October of 1999, and there’s still so much nonsense to cram into these shows before we get to the end of March in 2001. We haven’t even gotten to Russo quite yet, and then it strikes me that Russo is gone in January because don’t the Radicalz leave after Souled Out? Is Russo’s first run in the company three months and that’s it? For a creative leadership stint that seems like it’s taken on biblical proportions, it’s roughly a third of the length of time that Nash was destroying the company in a creative leadership position. We’re in Kansas City, and in the Kemper Arena, so we’re getting a banger of a Hitman/Chris Benoit match later in this show. Rey Misterio Jr. and Dean Malenko already in the ring for another match against one another. Though Malenko is nowhere near Rey’s best opponent, Rey is certainly Dean Malenko’s best opponent. Malenko uses his power against Rey’s speed and slingshots him to the floor while Tony S. talks about the rest of the Filthy Animals not being in the building tonight [Editor's note: Untrue, unless Kidman and Torrie simply hadn't arrived yet and were off getting busy in a Burger King bathroom or something at the time this match started]. Too bad. I would have liked to see an Eddy Guerrero match on this show. Back in the ring, Malenko manages to switch and counter his way into a legbar, but Misterio gets the ropes. Rey makes a comeback with a dropkick; he escalates things with a springboard onto the second rope and a rana after Malenko launches him on a rope run. Malenko grounds Rey after that spot, and this is reminiscent of an early PPV match they had where the crowd wants to see Rey hit explosive offense, but they are sort of sitting on their hands for the parts of the match in between those explosions. Well, at least until Malenko gets an inverted surfboard on. That’s a nice-looking submission hold. He transitions into a regular old surfboard, then shifts Misterio backward and bridges for two. Malenko lands a baseball slide into Misterio’s knee, then goes back to the legbar before transitioning out of it and doing some loose work where he runs the ropes and tumbles outside after Rey barely ducks. Rey follows up with a flipping plancha to Malenko outside the ring, then tosses him inside and tries to follow with a top-rope rana. Malenko blocks Rey’s downward motion and sits right down into a Texas Cloverleaf, but he never really locks it in, and Rey crawls to the ropes. Rey bursts up with offense again, but his rope run gets countered into a side slam for two more. They trade counters for two counts, actually, as Rey gets two by toppling over into a crossbody when Malenko tries to lift him, and then both guys crash into each other for lariats and dual cover for two. Alright, both men climb the corner again and fight it out, but this week, Dean knocks Rey to the apron before Rey recovers and dropkicks Dean. Shane Douglas runs down, knees the ref out of the ring, and prepares to use the chain on Rey. Saturn runs down, rips the chain away, and about the time that Dean begs off like he’s an ‘80s heel looking at the Hulkster get his third wind, I figure out that Saturn’s turning heel. In fact, Saturn punches Rey with the chain as Dean revives the ref. Malenko crawls back into the ring, having seen none of this, and locks on another Texas Cloverleaf as the ref signals that Rey is out completely. Malenko spots Saturn and Douglas at ringside, then sees the replay of the finish on the NitroTron and seems displeased about the whole thing. Well, at least the Saturn/Douglas vs. Malenko/Benoit tags should be solid television, as this opening match was, actually. Tony S. promotes a sweepstakes involving WCW Mayhem for the N64 and Game Boy Color (dud) and a chance to win a trip and tickets to WCW New Year’s Evil (which does actually happen; I got it confused with the NYE show that was supposed to actually be on New Year's Eve that never occurred). Disco Inferno was an over midcarder once, but it’s not 1997 anymore. Funny enough, Tony S. says the fans are “laughing and they are dancing and they are smiling,” and the camera cuts to a bunch of bored looking dudes and one person hitting the double thumbs down. The amount of dancing in the crowd shots was very low compared to two years ago. It’s time for the character to have a refresher, and no, I don’t mean an “in hock to Italian-American mobsters” type of refresher. Disco’s apparently had no trouble making weight this time around; he’s getting a Cruiserweight Championship shot. So, Psicosis is the Cruiserweight Champ somehow. I forgot to mention this, but they took the West Hollywood Blondes off television at the behest of someone from Turner with some damn sense. Now Psicosis is out here with the gold, but where did he win it? Let me go check this out. OK, from what I can tell, WCW just plunked the gold on Psicosis and claimed that he beat Lane for it at a house show (on Thunder, at least; on Nitro, Tony S. just says that he won it and leaves it at that). A cursory look at the house shows between this week’s Nitro and last week’s illustrate that Lane was only on one of them, tagging with Lodi in a loss to Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus in Huntsville, Alabama on the 29th of September. Wow, how quick was the turnaround on this decision? They couldn’t even fly Lane into Oklahoma City or Wichita, a couple of days before Nitro, and have him lose off-television to Psicosis? Holy shit, now Tony S., after eliding the whole thing about Psicosis’s phantom title win over Lenny Lane by not mentioning Lane’s name, then explicitly notes that WCW has hired Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara and suggests that fans who are curious about them should go to WCW.com for details. This is all a bit much to take in, let me tell you, and I’ve had to pause Psicosis’s entrance multiple times to write about all this nonsense, but now I’m ready to talk about actual wrestling that is actually happening in the ring, I promise. Disco and Psicosis fire fists at one another, but Psicosis takes him over with a headscissors and dropkicks him to the floor, then lands a baseball slide. Psicosis goes up and launches, scoring a crossbody to Disco on the floor. Psicosis continues his assault with a double-sledge, celebrates, and covers for only two. Disco finally dodges a corner charge and lands a swinging neckbreaker for two of his own, then goes into a chinlock. Disco runs into an elbow on his own corner charge, however, and is rana’d off the top rope for two. Disco gets a bit of purchase in the match again, but tries a double sledge and leaps into a wheel kick that looks gnarly and should get three, but only gets two. Psicosis goes up for a guillotine legdrop, but whiffs on it. Oh no, are they going to use Psicosis as a transitional champ to put the belt on Disco? GODDAMMIT, they use Psicosis as a transitional champ to put the belt on Disco as he hits a Chartbuster for three. Fuck off, WCW. You bums managing to book Psicosis into the ground is a true achievement in failure. Sid calls a tow truck and crusher service. “The car is in space twenty-two,” he says before cackling. Moses walks up and says that his match is next. The Outsiders walk down the arena stairs holding drinks and looking for their seats while the crowd goes truly nuts for the first time all night. They sit next to some ladies in low-cut dresses. Bobby Heenan walks over to cut an interview with them. Oh yeah, he is a broadcast journalist! He tries to get the scoops. Hall hits a HEY YO. The crowd applauds appreciatively. Hall says they were at a party down there and the crowd goes DOWN WHERE?! in an almost Pavlovian reaction. Hall has to check with Nash if he can actually indicate where “down where” is, then decides that he probably can’t and says DOWN HERE with his hand at his neck. It’s reminiscent of 2006 Shawn Michaels doing crotch chops around the middle of his ribcage. Heenan wants to know when they’ll be back. Nash points out that he’s retired before Hall does some shooty-shoot shoot bang shit by saying that Nash is working a retirement angle, but begging Hall to get in there and wrestle while he sits around, then claiming that it’s no fun in the locker room, so when it becomes fun again, he’ll be back. I mean, Hall’s way over, but I’m pretty sure the WCW locker room gets more fun when he’s out of it for good. Nash declares that WE’RE GETTIN’ THE BAND BACK TOGETHER, and no, no you are not. Don’t leave us with that ominous promise. Nash’s arrival, combined with the news that Russo and Ferrara have been hired, does have me excited for Nash to show up on one of the next couple of Thunder eps and pop off on commentary in the most unprofessional way possible, though. They already took Crush out of the KISS Demon get-up for whatever reason. I don’t care enough to look it up. I’m sure one of you reading this will tell me why they made that decision. Crush faces Sid in a match that must have happened on Coliseum Video in 1995, right? Anyway, this match has Crush hitting a stalling vertical suplex on Sid, so it’s not all bad or anything. It does have one of my least favorite transitions, though: One wrestler beats another wrestler up outside the ring, then tosses him into it and gets kicked coming through the ropes. Come on, now. Anyway, Crush hits a shitty piledriver, but Rick Steiner runs down and ref Charles Robinson lets he and Sid try to double up on Crush. They struggle to do so, but eventually, Crush gets distracted by beating up Steiner and Sid catches him from behind, then hits a spike powerbomb with Steiner’s help for three. Why is Charles Robinson allowed to ref Sid matches in kayfabe?! Kevin Nash sarcastically BOOs and then says LET’S BOO…BOOOO because nothing going on in front of him means anything at all. Jerry Flynn and Jimmy Hart walk out as Crush exits stage left; Flynn’s opposing Goldberg tonight. This week, Dellinger takes a startled step backward as Goldberg splits his forehead open with a door smash. In a cool little twist to Goldberg’s entrance, Sid stands in the background yelling at him as he makes his way into the Gorilla position: YOU’RE MINE GOLDBERG, I OWN YOU. Goldberg gives zero fucks about all that woofing, though. He’s too focused on killing a kickboxing geek. Knobbs and Morrus come out to the ring to watch Goldberg kill off their little buddy. Goldberg gets a bit too focused on talking shit to them after press slamming Flynn, and Flynn kicks him over the top rope and to the outside, where he takes a three-on-one beating. Morrus even drops a Savage Elbow off the apron, which makes this ringside beating way better than most ringside beatings. I will give Morrus credit for the one thing he does well. Speaking of credit, I credit Mickey Jay for figuring out how Flynn got anything going in this match and sending Knobbs and Morrus to the back. That’s good kayfabe reffin’. Meanwhile, Goldberg one-arm slams Flynn out of an armbar and then hits a spear and Jackhammer for three. It rules. He cuts a little promo after the match threatening Sid. Huh, their match at Havoc is for Sid’s United States Championship, which makes me think that Sid wins somehow, maybe? I can’t imagine that they put the U.S. Championship back on Goldberg in late 1999. Berlyn talks shit to Brad Armstrong in the back in German; Armstrong is like SPEAK ENGLISH IN AMERICA even though English is not the official language of this country, BA, you rube. Gene Okerlund interviews Harlem Heat in the aisle. They are glad to give Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus a tag title shot at Havoc. Boy, the tag division SUCKS. Booker challenges the Outsiders since a few of the fans are chanting for them, which is way more interesting to me than Harlem Heat vs. Knobbs and Morrus. Stevie says he’s not impressed by the Outsiders sitting with a “couple of hooches,” which gets an OOOH from the crowd; Scott Hall reacts in shock and then covers the ears of the hooch lady next to him, heh. That was good, but then Knobbs and Morrus jump Harlem Heat, and that’s less good. They brawl into the ring even though Harlem Heat are in street clothes. Is this a match? I don’t know, but Booker T. hitting an axe kick in slacks is pretty fun. Knobbs eventually batters both Heat members with a chair, including a headshot to Stevie. STOP TRYING TO PUSH THESE FIRST FAMILY BUMS. This beatdown goes on forever and sucks real bad. It's another Nitro Girls search segment. I don’t recognize the two ladies chosen for this contest. I get more skeptical each week that this search is going to bear any fruit, but I’m open to someone in one of the upcoming segments being, in retrospect, the obvious winner of this thing. Goldberg rolls his luggage out to his car, which is apparently untouched in spot 22. He gets in, starts the vehicle, and a car bomb goes off he backs out and leaves without incident. I betcha if Russo were booking this angle, a car bomb would have went off, though. Brad Armstrong versus Curt Hennig (w/Kendall Windham and Curly Bill) is our next contest. Bummer. Armstrong explodes with body slams and dropkicks as I guess the NLS/WTR feud sort of re-explodes?! Armstrong is a dope and wanders over to the ropes after Hennig bails; Hennig snaps his neck across the ropes and then takes over. Tony S. is confused about how a man from Minnesota can identify with Texas so strongly as Armstrong tries to come back, but attacked by Berlyn. He fends the erstwhile German off, but is quickly punched in the head by THE WALL, BROTHER while Kendall distracts the ref. Armstrong wobbles backward and right into a Perfect Plex for three. After the chaotic opening to this show, Rick Steiner showed up and things started to drag. Berlyn cranks Armstrong’s neck back after the match. Rey Misterio Jr. calls for his partner Billy Kidman, who is in the showers…with Torrie Wilson. Kidman catches up with Rey. I guess Torrie fell back out of love with Dopey Dave pretty quickly, huh? Sid gives his keys to Moses because the big man parked in a spot that the cops need access to; Sid asks Moses to move his car for him. I think we see where this is going. It’s going somewhere GLORIOUS. Juventud Guerrera wrestles Billy Kidman. Kidman traded in a dirty, ripped shirt for a clean white tee and got a girlfriend. This should be a lesson for a lot of dateless fellas who are bewildered about why they can’t find their match. Juvi and Kidman have wrestled about a billion times at this point, so I expect something at least decent. They do some counters and some more counters, but way less crisply than Rey and Malenko did at the start of this show. Juvi, who hits some chops and celebrates with his lascivious Juvi Driver taunt, gets dropped; Kidman hits the Juvi Driver taunt and receives a high-pitched SQUEEEEEEE for his troubles. Juvi spends a lot of this match swiveling his hips like prime Rick Rude, actually. I feel like this show has run out of steam, and ideally, a Kidman/Juvi match would bring some life back to the proceedings, but this is a paint-by-numbers bout with a bunch of counters of varying crispness done at a soporific pace. Also, Kidman is the babyface, but he suckers Juvi in on a handshake. That doesn’t quite make sense. Tony S. notes that Juvi is a bit full of himself, looks-wise, but that he is a handsome young man. Actually, the WCW Cruiserweight Division has guys who even I, a straight dude, understand why the ladies SQUEEEEEEEEE over. They have three or four handsome dudes in that division. Now, lady fans SQUEEEEEEEEEEing over Ricky and Robert, I’ll never understand. There’s an unnecessary commercial break in this thing, and when we come back, both men trade two counts. I suppose it’s my fault for expecting two guys who have wrestled one another a billion times to be able to have a good match in their sleep. Kidman comes to a full stop and struggles to make himself light so Juvi can hoist him up; then, when Psicosis comes out to hold Kidman in place so that Juvi can dive onto the latter guy, Psicosis blatantly shoves Kidman away before Juvi is close to landing. Yeah, Psicosis has stopped caring, and I can’t blame him. This match actually goes from “boring” to “sucky” in that series of spots. We get a close 2.9 for Kidman on a counter-dropkick; then, Juvi manages to switch and switch again with Kidman, then drop a neckbreaker. He takes forever to go up for a 450 and misses, then walks into a Sky High. Psicosis tries to get involved and is easily dispatched. Rey runs down and tries to get in the ring for some reason, even though Kidman is in total control, which allows Psicosis to effectively interfere and distract Kidman enough that Juvi reaches up and yanks Kidman off the top rope and into a Juvi Driver. Rey and Kidman clear the ring after the match, but that whole thing was nonsense. Man, everything about it sucked, and multiple spots looked awful, made no sense, or both. Moses finds an open spot for Sid’s car: parking spot #22. Moses gets out of the car loudly mumbling out a series of complaints about Sid's tyrannical nature: PARK MY CAR, MOSES. DO THIS, GET ME SHIRTS, GET ME PANTS. GOOD LORD. Ha! As Moses walks away, a tow truck pulls up. Uh-oh! Harley Race is the ring announcer for the Bret Hart/Chris Benoit match. Mike Tenay joins the booth, and yeah, it’s probably a good idea to get him in here instead of having Heenan trying to wisecrack his way through this match. Benoit and the Hitman embrace before the match as an OWEN chant starts. Alright, I’m ready for some tribute wrestling; let’s get to it. Oh, no, Heenan’s still here, making the occasional wisecrack. Oh, well. Hart and Benoit fight over a top wristlock, then over a hammerlock. The Hitman transitions into a side headlock, then gets shot into the ropes and wins a shoulderbreaker before running again and stopping short on a Benoit monkey flip attempt. Benoit kips up, and the men shake hands. They go to the Greco-Roman knuckle lock, and Benoit is able to power up from a disadvantageous position and land a knee, then twist Bret around and into a straitjacket before going back to the hammerlock and grounding Bret. Ah, a wrestling match with wrestling holds. How refreshing! Benoit and Bret continue to reverse holds, with Benoit using his superior striking ability to keep the upper hand where he can, but Bret is able to work out of a hammerlock and land a side Russian. He punches Benoit backward into the corner when Benoit gets to standing, then snap mares Benoit out of the corner and locks on a side headlock. What I like about this is that both guys work their holds and work for position constantly. It feels like an actual, you know, wrestling contest. Benoit gets back to his feet, but he struggles to do much against Bret when one or both of them are running; he punches his way out of the headlock, but then runs himself right into a knee lift. Bret drops a leg, then stands Benoit up in the corner and lands a shot to the gut and a couple of lifters. He uses headbutts and punches, but maybe standing and striking with Benoit is a bad idea. Benoit fires back with chops, so Bret says Fuck all that and yanks Benoit into a DDT, then goes up and lands a second-rope elbow for two. Bret goes back to work and shoots Benoit into the ropes, but Benoit is able to grab Bret’s knee when Bret tries another knee lift and roll through into first a pinfall attempt and then an ugly-looking Walls of Jericho as the Hitman desperately kicks out. Bret reaches out and grabs the bottom rope to break the hold. Benoit shoots Bret in and gets one on a back body drop; he then lands a back breaker and gets two. Benoit kicks Bret and sends him to ringside as we go to break. Back from break, Benoit is still in control; he lands an elbowdrop for two, but tries that again and whiffs. Bret is quickly up; he grabs Benoit’s legs and drops a headbutt into Benoit’s stomach, then lands a vertical suplex for two. Bret goes into a chinlock, but doesn’t think it’s doing much damage and transitions into a backbreaker of his own after only a few seconds. Bret targets Benoit’s back with stomps; Benoit tumbles outside, and Bret follows and rams Benoit’s lower lumbar into the apron. Bret deposits Benoit back into the ring and continues to methodically whale away at him with lifters. He shoots Benoit in and tries to lift him into another backbreaker, but Benoit spins around and hoists Bret up in a Tombstone; he lands it, but only gets two. Benoit next tries a Northern Lights with a bridge, but only scores another two count. He goes back to his best tool – strikes – and then whips Bret into the ropes and lands a knee lift of his own on the rebound for two. Benoit lands headbutts and a vicious chop in the corner, then tries another whip, but gets nothing but air on a dropkick attempt. Bret lands one elbow to Benoit’s face, then a second. He rips off a nasty back suplex on Benoit for 2.8. The Hitman backs Benoit against the ropes and lands a series of overhand rights and lifters that knock Benoit to the mat. He stands Benoit up and takes off into the ropes on the opposite side, but a wobbly Benoit is able to duck Hart’s splash attempt. Hart falls to the floor, and Benoit follows with a suicide dive as we go into a second break. We come back to Bret standing over Benoit as Benoit lays on the apron. Well, I wish we could have seen the transition to get to that point. Bret tries to bring Benoit back in with a vertical suplex, but Benoit hops behind and rolls Bret up for two, then is rolled up in turn for two more. Bret’s up first and lands a headbutt, then follows Benoit into the corner as Benoit heads for safety and applies a stomp and a boot against Benoit’s throat. Bret brings Benoit out from the corner and tries one lifter too many; Benoit hooks Bret’s arm and backslides him for two, but he’s the worse for wear and takes a number of shots to the small of his back when Bret makes it to his feet first. Bret hooks Benoit for a vertical suplex, and Benoit is able to finagle a small package for two, but the Hitman is up first again and lays in a couple of boots, then lands a swinging neckbreaker for two. Bret picks up the intensity a bit with a hard whip into the corner, an inverted atomic drop, and a superplex attempt. I say “attempt” because Benoit headbutts his way out of the last of those, then tries to quickly go for a diving headbutt. Bret stuffs it with a fist to the dome, then goes up and completes the superplex; he can’t make a cover, though, and we get a standing ten count. Bret gets to his feet and, rather than covering, tries a Sharpshooter. Benoit grabs the Hitman’s left arm as Hart uses it to twist Benoit’s legs and transitions into a Crippler Crossface, then attempts to swivel around and alter their positioning so that Bret can’t reach the ropes. He moves a bit and makes it harder for Hart to get to the bottom rope, but he doesn’t have the weight or leverage to move him far enough away to keep him from breaking it. Benoit lands three rolling verticals, and then calls for the diving headbutt to light boos, actually. Benoit goes up and drills it, but since it also hurts the giver of the move (unless you’re Bam Bam), Benoit takes an extra couple seconds to cover and only gets two. Benoit lands a back suplex of his own, but he moves like he’s both tired and somewhat out of ideas (kayfabe-wise, of course). A LET’S GO BRET chant breaks out. Benoit tries an Irish whip, but Bret stuffs it and lands a back elbow. The Hitman sticks Benoit with a piledriver, but Benoit rolls toward the ropes after taking it and is able to get a boot on one of them when Bret follows to cover. Bret looks for another whip to the corner; he gets it, and Benoit hits chest first, but when Bret tries a back suplex, Benoit flips out of it and lands a flurry of chops. Benoit tries his own whip to the corner and charges into a boot. Bret charges out of the corner and Benoit ducks Hart and hits two rolling Germans. Hart elbows out of the third, and when Benoit tries again, Bret flips around and clubs his way out of a Benoit Northern Lights attempt. Bret tries to pick Benoit up for a move, maybe a suplex, but Benoit grabs the arm and tries to snap on a Crippler Crossface. Bret first blocks Benoit’s ability to hook the move on by placing his leg between Benoit’s legs and taking away Benoit’s ability to leverage him to the mat; then, he maneuvers Benoit around and is able to rip his arm away and use it to lock on a Sharpshooter, then drag Benoit back toward the center of the ring. Benoit has no choice but to tap out. Bret points to the heavens as the crowd applauds, then shows the bullhorns to the crowd and hugs Benoit. That match isn’t a great match, I wouldn’t say. It took a bit long to ratchet up in intensity, and I think the feeling out process, while very good, maybe needed to give way to a more intense escalation maybe a minute or two earlier. It also has a commercial break that obscured a match transition, dammit, I hate that. But it’s very good, and it has two massive things working for it: 1) It’s an Owen tribute match that, other than Heenan being bad on commentary, is respectfully presented by WCW, and 2) it went three segments and had a clean finish, which is damned near unheard of in Nitro-era WCW. And I guess there's a 3) in that this match happens on the same episode that it's announced that Vince "ten-minute matches are too long and boring for the average American wrestling fan" Russo is about to make his way into the company. Anyway, really good stuff! I don’t want to take away from the goodness of the match, of which there is much, by damning it for not being great. When we come back, Gene Okerlund is in the ring to interview Ric Flair. Oh, and Hulk Hogan. This sounds like hell. Hogan sells a knee injury, and I realize that this is the first time that Flair and Hogan have been on this show, and that Sting hasn’t been seen at all yet tonight. Huh. They cut mediocre twin promos on DDP, the Total Package (who Flair disrespectfully continues to call “Luger” in kayfabe/Keeps forgetting not to call “Luger” IRL), and Sting. Hogan keeps saying “damn” to try and be edgy. Oh, and the “train/prayers/kick ass” thing. Embarrassing. Sid walks out to spot number twenty-two in the parking lot, sees that Goldberg's car is gone, and snarls YEAHHHH, I GOT HIM NOW, then giggles. Oh, poor, poor Sid. You sad fool. Hey, they shoot a close-up of Kimberly from the side as she watched Page come out for his match, and she doesn’t even look like Kimberly. I think she got some bad cheek fillers. Unnecessary, Kim, you already looked incredible. DDP faces Buff Bagwell in a battle between two guys who can’t help but do garbage mic work before their matches. Thanks, fellas, I love getting anti-hyped for a match. The crowd, on the other hand, loves babyface Buff because they’re idiots. Anyway, these fellas immediately initiate an obligabrawl, then do that one transition that I hate when Buff tosses Page back in the ring and follows after kicking his ass. Buff gets tagged in the nuts while punching DDP in the corner, and then Page hits an ugly-looking neckbreaker; I’m not sure Buff knew what sort of bump he was supposed to take, and Page sort of pulled off something that could conceivably be hurty, but I don’t know if that was his original idea for the spot. Page hits a run of offense, including a Scumbag Elbow for two. DDP slaps on a sleeper in the middle of the ring; Buff fights up before his arm falls a third time and comes back on Page with a series of punches, an inverted atomic drop, and a swinging neckbreaker. He looks for a Blockbuster, and Page does a counter where he holds onto the ropes and Buff is unable to yank him downward. Page looks for a Diamond Cutter; Bagwell shoves Page away and tries to club DDP on the rebound, but Page floats over and lands a Diamond Cutter for three. I did think the finish was quite creative. Tony S. talks about a Seven promo that I guess we didn’t get to see in this Network version of the show while Lex Luger the Total Package comes to the ring and poses. Unfortunately, for him, he’s only the second most physically impressive specimen in the ring because Elizabeth is standing right next to him. Heenan makes essentially the same joke on commentary, so I condemn myself. His tag team partner, Sting, comes out to, um, a pop. Their opponents are Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. These crowds don’t want to boo Flair or Sting, are open to booing Luger, and generally cheer Hogan for reasons that baffle me. In other words, you get a lot of muted reactions when these four are in the ring together because crowds struggle to know how to react. Luger Package and Sting jump their opponents at the bell, and the match spills outside, there’s an obligabrawl between Hogan and Sting, etc. Honestly, I don’t care about any of this, and it’s the same shit every time anyway. Sting and Luger have a lot of value, and so does Flair if deployed in the right way, but these guys all clogging up the main event scene and doing a bunch of nonsense that is generally the same as the stuff they always do does nothing for me. The match eventually becomes an ordered affair; Sting turns around a series of Flair chops and beats Flair down…to a pop. Sting’s really got to stop agreeing to do whatever the booking committee asks him to do. Flair plays FIP for a bit. Flair went from babyface to crazed heel to babyface again in the first nine months of 1999. Boy, do people blame Vince Russo for a lot of stuff that really originated months earlier. Luger went from babyface to heel on the first Nitro of 1999, then turned face again after he came back from injury and aligned with babyface Sting before turning heel again for real and for true at Fall Brawl. Yikes. This match is a nondescript affair, if you haven’t guessed. I’ll just tell you the finish. The finish: Hogan drops the leg on Sting for three. Sid accosts Moses and asks where the heck poor old Moses parked his car. Moses informs him that he parked it in spot twenty-two. Sid once again kills it on his line delivery, and I’ll leave it to him to share his shock and concern in his own words: TWENTY-TWO?! TWENTY-TWO—OH MAN! OH MAN! GOLDBERG, YOU IDIOT! OH GEEZ! GOLDBERG! **kicks crumpled ball of metal that used to be his car** WHERE ARE YOU?! WHY ME?! WHY ME?!?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?! Remember when Sid was bumming me out with all the run-ins and powerbombing of cruisers? He was just doing that to remind me that even when things seem at their lowest, good times are ahead. Sid is a philosopher. He’s a wrestling philosopher. (Also, I love that he thinks Goldberg fucked up his car again, but Goldberg had nothing to do with it this week. Sid hoisted himself by his own goofy petard.) Bret vs. Benoit and Sid being a goofball show that pro wrestling can be good in many ways, even ways that are diametrically opposed in how they achieve goodness. Also, Bret, Benoit, and Sid really saved this show from being a total dumpster fire (give some credit to Goldberg, too, actually). 2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 Yhea those Heenan wisecracks where really unneeded. Sometimes I think for as well as His and Gino's borsh belt routine worked in the cartoon WWF 80's he could occasionally come off as out of place in the more reality based 90's Also Flynn v Goldberg best wrestling feud since Metal maniac v snuka? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 (edited) Thunder Interlude – show number eighty-three – 7 October 1999 "The WCW Gang sure hopes that you like obligabrawls" Let’s Thunder!... We’ve got Cruiserweight, TV, and United States title defenses on deck tonight… Blitzkrieg opens the show against Dean Malenko…The crowd actually looks pretty lively tonight, crowd juicing or not…This may be a HOT CRUISERWEIGHT OPENER alert…Malenko works as the base against another high-flyer…I wonder if we got a good Blitz/Parka match on SN or Worldwide at some point…I bet if that match happened, it was good, on tape or not…Blitz has to creatively fight up from or avoid Malenko power moves…This formula in the cruiserweight division almost guarantees a good match…Blitz manages to land a couple of corner dropkicks and his moonsault/standing senton combo for two…Malenko survives and stops all that pacey nonsense with a knee lift…He lands a suplex for two… The crowd seems pretty relaxed on the hard cam side, which is at odds with the absurd level or crowd noise being pumped in…Sorry, we only have two-thirds of the necessary conditions for a HOT CRUISERWEIGHT OPENER…Maybe if they made these guys matter and booked Blitz more competitively, people would care…Also, shitting the title for the division down a hole for pretty much all of 1999 doesn’t help either…Malenko grapevines the leg, lands a gutbuster, and reverses a Blitz suplex attempt and dumps Blitzkrieg outside… When the match goes out there, Blitz is able to reverse an Irish whip to the rail, create some space, and land some more offense…Blitz lands a gorgeous corkscrew splash to the floor, rolls Malenko back inside, and only gets two…He and Malenko exchange a series of counters in the corner, but Malenko ends up winning that encounter by tripping Blitz on the top rope, then following him up and hitting a super back suplex…There’s a standing ten count, and though Malenko is up first, Blitz rolls through his powerbomb attempt…They trade flash pinfall attempts, but back to standing, Blitz whiffs on a haymaker and a spinning roundhouse…Malenko lands a boot in Blitzkrieg’s solar plexus, double-underhook powerbombs him, and transitions into a Texas Cloverleaf for the submission victory…The crowd was more active for that finishing run, but it always makes me sad to see the crowd buys into matches in this division way less than they used to…Very good television match, though… Recap: Disco Inferno is the new Cruiserweight Champion because only people who speak English as at least one of their home language are allowed to hold this thing now… We don’t even see Disco’s entrance…He’s already in the ring to defend this title against Evan Karagias…Disco and Karagias actually have a decent opening exchange based around Karagias applying holds to Disco’s arm and Disco countering…Karagias lands a couple of dropkicks, and Disco goes through the ropes and to the protective mats below…Disco gets back in the ring and controls the arm this time…He shoots Karagias in, but ducks down and gets tossed backward and into the mat…Karagias lands ten punches and goes to a headlock, but Disco shoots him out of it and tosses him over the top rope on the rebound… It's an obligabrawl…Disco wins that one and covers for two after rolling Karagias back in the ring…A Disco swinging neckbreaker gives him some room to dance…He lands a few stomps and a vertical suplex…He calls for another one and hits it…He tries a third, but Karagias hops out and manages a roll-up for two…They land a double-clothesline spot that knocks them both down…They get up, but Karagias wins their strike-fest…He slams Disco and hits a springboard crossbody for two…Karagias lands a power slam, but only gets two…Disco stuffs a Karagias headscissors attempt and crotches the guy, then waits for him to get up and painfully stumble into a Chartbuster for three…That’s about as good a TV match as you’re going to get out of Karagias in a straight singles bout…Karagias reminds me of Brian Pillman in that he’s too vascular and not agile enough to do high-flying stuff without looking generally awkward… Recap: Berlyn calls Brad Armstrong an American pig on Nitro… Mike Tenay goes full xenophobe by declaring that Armstrong speaks for all Americans by demanding that Berlyn speaks English…Brad Armstrong does not now and never has spoken for me, sir…I’ll thank you to mind your words next time…I thought that maybe Chris Adams was done with WCW since I hadn’t seen him out here with Lord Regal and Squire Taylor lately, but he’s got at least one more televised job in him…This match is pretty dull…It’s back and forth and has an obligabrawl and everything…Armstrong survives a spate of pinfall attempts, including getting his boot on the ropes after eating a superkick…He dodges a wild splash attempt against the ropes and quickly floats over on a side Russian for three…Too long… I was interested in this TV title bout since Chris Benoit is the title holder…But then they ran Brian Knobbs (w/Jimmy Hart) out here as his opponent…Yuuuuuuuuck…There has been far too much Brian Knobbs on my screen the last few months, but they’ve really gone overboard with all the Knobbs matches and segments in the past couple of months…Tenay hypes a Benoit/Hitman team-up on the next Nitro…That sounds interesting…This is not, but Benoit elevates it to watchability, which is really something considering his opponent…We get our third straight obligabrawl…Look, these wandering brawl spots outside the ring only matter if they are used somewhat sporadically…They do make this one more impactful by fighting into the crowd and having Knobbs tumble down a few of the stairs after getting popped, at least… There’s a commercial break in this thing in the middle of that obligabrawl…Tenay says that Nick Patrick just make this thing no DQ in the middle of it all…Hart shoves Benoit off the top rope once they’re back in the ring…Benoit only headbutts mat, and Knobbs covers for two…Knobbs does some cursory offense, but leaps off the second rope and into a boot…Knobbs blocks a German suplex with a back elbow, then hits a running clothesline in the corner…Knobbs misses another charge and is hit with a German, then another that gets two before Jimmy Hart runs in and breaks it up…Hart and Knobbs try a team-up to land a megaphone shot…Benoit ducks away and Hart clobbers Knobbs…Benoit lands a diving headbutt on Knobbs for three…They put a lot of effort into that to make it a watchable television match... Tenay gives tribute to Gorilla Monsoon, who passed away, and note this: Tenay says that Heenan is going to give a verbal tribute to Monsoon on Monday Nitro…This explains why Heenan was so heated at Tony S….Management must have said he could have some time to speak about Monsoon, but then ran over on their segments and didn’t let him do it… Silver King and Lash LeRoux have a nice little television match…LeRoux ends a series of Irish whips with a back elbow, then hits the splits and a lariat…LeRoux shoots King back in, but ducks down and is put down with a tornado DDT…King accidentally misses a somersault legdrop that’s supposed to land, but it’s okay, nobody’s perfect…He misses a corner splash on purpose and walks into a diving Frankensteiner for two…Lash goes up again and tries a crossbody, but King shoves a diving LeRoux over his head and then powerbombs LeRoux for two…King sticks on a chinlock and bites LeRoux’s forehead… King sits LeRoux up top, but LeRoux fights King off once, then twice…He dives down with a double-axe, but leaves his abdomen wide open for a punch...You won’t believe this, but we get another obligabrawl…Maybe put that sort of thing to rest for this match because you won’t be able to top the previous match’s obligabrawl…At least it's short…King gets an Asai moonsault for two…He tries a Crucifix Bomb, but LeRoux slips out of the back and manages to hook King and land a Whiplash for three…LeRoux is obviously still learning in there and can be awkward with his positioning, but I thought it was a fine job by the vet Silver King to get some good stuff out of his opponent here… Hype video replay: Lex Luger is dead, and the Total Package rises from the ashes… Dale Torborg comes out here with a painted face and wearing a baseball uniform…I am utterly confused by this get-up…As I recall, the last we saw Torborg, he was blowing out a knee on Nitro (Show #161)…He’s facing the Maestro, who uses a piano-only version of Paul Orndorff’s WONDERFULLLLLLLL/YOU KNOW HE IS SO WONDERFULLLLLLLLL theme…Man, that theme ruled…Boy, this match isn’t any good to start…It’s not that good while continuing or finishing, either…I think the Maestro is passable, but Torborg is pretty bad at this…I love that the Maestro randomly played the piano during a busy segment on Nitro a couple weeks back, and then he just randomly debuts on a taped Thunder…Torborg wins with a Rock Bottom… Rey Misterio Jr. and Billy Kidman should probably be tag champs, and if those First Family bums win them at Havoc, it had better be to transition the belts to these two the next night on Nitro…The high flyers are here to bank an easy victory over Disorderly Conduct…As you’d guess, Misterio and Kidman style all over these dudes…They land stereo dives…Kidman barely needs help to work both guys over…Rey gets in a bit of trouble, bails himself out of it with a rana, and then tries to go to the air and gets hit with a sit-out slam…Rey’s FIP for a little bit, but never really feels in much danger…There’s a commercial break in the middle of this bout…Mike misses a top-rope elbow, and Rey makes a hot tag…Kidman continues to have few problems handling both DC members at once…The match breaks down, which is bad news for DC…Kidman and Misterio are just too dynamic for their competition…A boosted top-rope Frankensteiner nets three for the Filthy Animal members… Sit-down interview: Bret Hart talks about what his match against Chris Benoit on the previous Nitro meant to him… Stevie Ray gets a U.S. Championship shot against Sid…Booker T. and Rick Steiner are nowhere to be seen at the beginning of this match…I suspect that Sid gets the second victory ever over Goldberg…I don’t think he’s dropping the U.S. Championship to Goldberg, and they tend to have finishes, whether clean or not, on PPV…Is this match good?...Obviously not…But again, it’s not the worst…It’s watchable…The match starts with an obligabrawl…Rick Steiner stomps out at about the time the match re-enters the ring…Sid boots a distracted Stevie to the floor, and Steiner attacks…Where the heck is Booker?...Steiner just cheats liberally while Charles Robinson pretends not to see it…OK, let me suggest that there’s a fifty-fifty chance that Charles Robinson fast-counts Goldberg down at Halloween Havoc…Stevie survives a chinlock and makes a comeback…He punches Rick Steiner off the apron, but turns around into a soft boot…Sid tries a powerbomb, but gets back body dropped out of it…Robinson ties his shoe and averts his gaze so Steiner can hit a diving bulldog…Sid lands a spike powerbomb that gets three…Booker deserves to lose his T. for being nowhere to be seen on this one… This was an eminently watchable show with mostly decent matches and full of obligabrawls…WOO… Edited August 17 by SirSmUgly 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 Show #210 – 11 October 1999 “The one where Seven makes me extremely uncomfortable, which I guess is at least a feeling, as opposed to the state of utter boredom the rest of the show had me in” Let’s Nitro in the most complete form possible, due to original production technical difficulties, *cough* *cough* Leathers, you bum *cough*. We get a ring bell salute for Gorilla Monsoon. Lex Luger The Total Package, dammit, and Liz confront Chris Benoit and Bret Hart as they pull up to the arena. TTP taunts Bret, who makes to attack, but is walled off by security. Liz wants to call immigration services on Bret, which I think is a bit much. In the recap, the car incident from last week is titled “Sid outsmarts Sid,” which is exactly what happened. It gets better as I think about it further. We need more heels trying to do fuckery to babyfaces, but hurting themselves without the babyface target even knowing that anything happened. It’s a Looney Tunes trope for the Roadrunner or Tweety to not even notice that Wile E. or Sylvester are failing to execute a complex plot against them. Looney Tunes tropes work really well in pro wrestling. Uh, except for when Hornswoggle draws a tunnel on a wall and escapes through it, while Carlito just slams into the wall. That one doesn’t translate to pro wrestling. Heenan got to give his tribute to Gorilla right off the jump, so where is the clip where he’s mad at Tony S. from? Poor Heenan is legit teary and has to try and kick into promotion mode for the upcoming events of the show right after, but you can tell his heart’s not in it. Dean Malenko confronts Perry Saturn about what he did on the previous Nitro in the backstage area, and Saturn pretends that he accidentally punched Rey in the face because he saw the guy move toward him out of the corner of his eye and automatically threw a punch. Malenko, smarter after months of being dicked around by Ric Flair, seems somewhat unconvinced. Saturn comes to the ring straightaway to face Rey Misterio Jr. Saturn tries to explain himself to Rey in the center of the ring and offers a hand in apology. Rey takes it and lands an arm drag, and then we get some pace. Rey sends Saturn into the corner and hits a headscissors that sends Saturn outside; he fakes a dive to back Saturn off, and lands a senton bomb to the floor (!!!). Saturn looks like he’s in trouble and just manages to counter a Rey rana attempt with a running powerbomb a la Jushin Liger. Saturn crawls over because he’s been getting his ass kicked, and the gap between the powerbomb and the pinfall attempt gets two…and then we go into a commercial break while Saturn sits Rey in an armlock? Aw, what?! We come back to Saturn in control. He gets two on a springboard legdrop, then complains to Johnny Boone about the pace of his count. After he's all complained out, he continues his assault on Rey, landing a nice overhead pumphandle suplex for two. He finally misses a corner charge, which allows Rey to land a flurry of punches and a Bronco Buster. Saturn gets up and charges Rey, who ducks it, but Rey ends up trying to hit an elaborate facebuster and gets hit with a facebuster of his own out of the wheelbarrow position. Saturn goes up, looking for an impact move, but he badly whiffs on his guillotine legdrop attempt. Rey goes outside and springboards himself right into DVD position, but slips out of the back and rolls up Saturn for two; this starts a series of flash pinfall counters for both men, but neither man can get three. They get up, run the ropes and whiff on dual dropkick attempts, basically scissoring each other in mid-air to sell groin damage. I mentioned the word “scissoring,” so I know I’m supposed to say something here about Daddy Ass, which I believe refers to Billy Gunn in some way that I really don’t want to know, actually, I don’t watch AEW for many reasons and this seems like one of them. Who will get up first and break this standing ten count? No one; Saturn rolls over at eight and covers Rey for two. When Rey kicks out, the ladies shriek. I know I crap on Kidman and all, but oh my gosh, make Rey and Kidman tag champs right now. Women love those dudes, and they’re a good tag team with some nice chemistry. Anyway, Rey is able to score a top-rope Frankensteiner. Shane Douglas runs down and makes to take the chain out of his elbowpad, but Malenko closely follows and stops him; Kidman runs into the ring and Boone throws the match out. Kidman grabs a mic and challenges Douglas and Saturn to an immediate tag match, but the whole mass of Revolution members just walks away. This match was so much fun that it’s worth watching even with the bullshit ending and the early commercial break. Hype video: Meng kills dudes, and then Ric Flair and Arn Anderson comment on Meng killing dudes as they watch the video on a monitor; Arn brushes his teeth while making his comments. O….kay? Kaz Hayashi gets a shot at Disco Inferno’s Cruiserweight Championship. Heenan claims that Disco wore the belt while on the plane out of Atlanta and showed it to every flight attendant and pilot during the flight. Disco doesn’t let Slick Johnson hold up the belt before the match starts and insists on doing it himself. Aw, that was a nice little pocket of character building from both Heenan and Disco. Disco tries to punch his way into control and gets kicked around and hit with a somersault dive on the floor. Kaz tries a corner charge back in the ring, but collides with Disco’s raised elbow and walks into a follow-up clothesline. Disco stomps a mudhole in the corner, then hits a slam and tries a second-rope elbow that connects; he tries a cover, but Kaz kicks out at two. Disco keeps things moving with a swinging neckbreaker, but he dances for a while instead of going straight to the cover, so Kaz kicks out again and immediately lands a sunset flip for his own two count. Kaz tries to confuse Disco with his agility, but Disco just jabs a thumb into Kaz’s eye and lands a DDT for two, then grounds Hayashi with a chinlock. Not satisfied with the damage that his chinlock is doing, Disco brings Kaz back to his feet and hits an inverted atomic drop, then dumps him outside, asks if the match is being broadcast in Japan, and then bonks Kaz’s head on the announce table so they can see it in Hokkaido. Disco brings Kaz back into the ring; Hayashi is able to land a counter Frankensteiner, then side step a corner charge and land a brainbuster and a corkscrew elbow for two. Kaz shoots Disco into the ropes and ducks down into a Disco piledriver attempt, but Kaz flips out of that and gets two on another sunset flip. Kaz shoots Disco in and tries a dropkick, but whiffs, and that’s all she wrote: Disco lands a side Russian to disorient Hayashi, then lands a Chartbuster for three. That match was solid. Mayhem Match of the Week recap: Disco beats Psicosis to become the newest Cruiserweight Champion in a dumb booking decision; some poor sucker has to go to the last Nitro of the year because he submitted this result in a sweepstakes. Tha Monsta Meng is in the house to face Konnan. Urgh. Something about the audio is fucked up, so it’s hard to hear that Konnan is hitting the Catchphrase Roulette and it’s still over with the crowd, generally. Meng clubbers Konnan to start. I guess this might be the start of another random Meng push. Konnan finally slides under a big boot and lands a DDT, but Meng eats that for a light snack, gets up, and locks the Tongan Death Grip on Konnan, who flails for the ropes and reaches them. Meng chokes, Meng lands elbows, Meng traps Konnan in the corner. Konnan does manage another comeback, which includes the worst floatover bulldog in the history of the pro wrestling business, but Meng kicks out at two, lands a standing side kick, and celebrates. Meng does land a nice legdrop, but Konnan pops off one more comeback and hits a rolling clothesline and a sit-out facebuster for two. Konnan tries a sunset flip next, but Meng drops down and puts on the TDG to get a three count for the victory. Well, you know, it was watchable! That’s something! THE WALL, BROTHER, clobbers Brad Armstrong in the back of the head backstage; Berlyn walks up, derides BA in German, and pokes him with his walking cane, but Armstrong nabs the cane and tries to attack THE WALL, BROTHER as officials flood the scene to stop any potential carnage. The Outsiders (w/beers) attend the show once more. They sit down at ringside as Bobby Heenan does some more Pulitzer Prize-quality journalistic work. Heenan wants to know when they’re coming back. Nash is still retired; Hall is resting an injured back from carrying the company – his words, paraphrased – and the crowd would certainly like them to tag up once more based on their response. Nash wishes Dusty Rhodes a happy birthday and threatens us with an nWo revival, dammit, NO. Nash says they’ll be getting back in the ring in July of 2012, and if I peeked into the world where WCW existed in 2012, A.J. Styles would be bumming around the midcard and losing the TV title to forty-something-year-old Disco Inferno even though the crowd clearly wants him to be the world champ, I’m sure. Goldberg marches out with a phalanx of LEOs; Sid walks up and barks at Goldberg, but Goldberg looks unconcerned as Sid cackles. Horace Hogan is Goldberg’s punching bag tonight. Goldberg collar-and-elbows Horace into the corner and then out-punches him before decking him with a lariat. Goldberg lands a press into a powerslam, and I’m intrigued at the finish of Goldberg/Sid. I legit want to see how they book that one. Also, I want to see Sid pinball around as best he can for Goldberg. Goldberg tries a cross-arm breaker, but ends up getting dumped into the stairs outside of the ring after Horace reaches the ropes and bails out after Goldberg breaks the hold. It doesn’t mean much, though; Horace gets back in the ring, hits a body slam, and lands a top-rope splash, but Goldberg presses him out of the cover at two and then absorbs a few punches before doing what he does best: killing a midcarder with a spear and a Jackhammer. Gene Okerlund is in the ring, which means that I’m about to strongly dislike a promo segment. Yep, Hulk Hogan comes out here. We’re in October of 1999. Bash at the Beach 2000 is about nine months away. I can do that, right? There’s probably at least a month or two in that stretch that he doesn’t show up as he shoots a straight-to-Blockbuster-Video special. I can do this. Okerlund asks him some questions about potentially retiring and about his feud with Sting, but who cares about any of that nonsense? What I’m wondering is how he and Flair end up beefing YET AGAIN and having a Yavapai Yappapi Apple Pie? Strap Match. WCW has run that matchup into the ground and shoveled dirt on its corpse, and then the corpse broke down and liquefied into crude oil. Hogan cuts a promo that is the absolute worst, and I wish he really would have retired. It’s another Nitro Girls search segment. If there is a Nitro Girl winner in this pair, I don’t recognize her, but the second young lady is from Biloxi and was clearly a Mid-South fan (she shouted out JYD and Ted DiBiase specifically) as a young child, so I’m rooting for her. HAHAHAHAHAHA, David Flair walks in on Torrie Wilson wiping lipstick from Billy Kidman’s cheek, and Kidman heads out and tosses off a casual, “Hey, David” as he leaves, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Kidman wasn’t even trying to hurt that poor dopey chump by being so casual, but he did anyway. Was that worth Torrie Wilson and David Flair being back on television? Absolutely not. But it was funny! Anyway, Torrie wants nothing to do with the younger Flair. Brian Knobbs (w/Jimmy Hart) continues to get a bullshit inexplicable push. This guy fucking SUCKS. I can’t believe that he’s going to be on television for at least another year, if I recall correctly. Knobbs faces Stevie Ray in a street fight. I feel pretty confident that they’re taking the belts off Harlem Heat at Havoc because this has been an aimless pair of reigns they’ve had, and broadly, you can see a reason to go ahead and put the belts on a heel team. Not the heel team they’re fixing to put the belts on, but a heel team. Booker T. walks out to second Stevie, and I see that Hugh Morrus has stomped his way out here at some point. I don’t care about this match, and look, you know that it’s all weak strikes and weapon shots. Let me just skip to the ending of this one for you: Booker T. hits Hugh Morrus in the dome with a chair a couple of times, which draws the ref for some reason. Stevie puts two boots into a trash can that Knobbs is holding as Knobbs charges him, but the ref doesn’t see his cover and Jimmy Hart grabs another trash can and slams Stevie in the back of the head with it, then puts Knobbs on top of Stevie for three. That match felt entirely meaningless as it transpired. Recap: Shane Douglas gets a kick out of Saturn landing a chain-assisted punch on Rey Misterio Jr. Shane Douglas comes into the aisle and does some mic work to indicate that the Revolution is going to bicker at one another for our, uh, I guess you’d argue that it’s technically “entertainment.” For our “entertainment.” Douglas is upset about Malenko running in on the opening match tonight, but Malenko doesn’t have any time for that shit. Douglas is upset about Benoit hanging out with veterans like Bret Hart instead of guys like him. Benoit doesn’t have any time for that shit, and in fact realizes that he’s better than all this nonsense, rips off his Revolution shirt, and tosses it in Douglas’s face before leaving. Saturn gets aggy at Douglas pissing Benoit off, but it’s probably just a ruse to sucker Malenko into being his tag partner later tonight, I guess, or at Havoc? Who knows, but Malenko’s going to stand in for a kayfabe-and-possibly-shoot injured Douglas in a tag match, and I would assume that he’s going to get his ass kicked by Saturn and Douglas soon enough. Whoa, La Parka’s skull mask is sick. His tights say, in a partial translation from the Spanish, ONLY FOR TIMBONAS. What is a TIMBONAS? Tony S. announces that World War 3 is dead, long live WCW Mayhem instead. Oops, I mean WCW Mayhem the PPV, not WCW Mayhem for the N64 and Game Boy Color. Now, here comes Brad Armstrong, and dammit, if he goes over La Parka cleanly, I’m going to be bummed out. Armstrong hits a trio of arm drags, then puts a boot up on a Park charge, and another. BA tries to follow Park out, but Parka hits a powerslam for two. How does WCW have so much talent, but they book these Nitros that just feel the same, full of filler, mostly boring? Parka lands a sweet missile dropkick for two, then drops a corkscrew moonsault across BA’s legs that legit shook BA up, I think. Park is like, Aw shit, I might have hurt him. Parka covers for two eventually, and BA’s fine. In fact, Armstrong makes a comeback as Berlyn and THE WALL, BROTHER walk down the aisle. There’s a ref bump because this company is stupid, and there are too many fucking ref bumps. THE WALL, BROTHER destroys Park with a chair, and Berlyn picks his spot and jumps Armstrong, hitting him with a reverse neckbreaker. BA rolls over and covers Park as the ref counts three and Berlyn leaves. What the fuck? What was the point of this? I can’t tell if it’s this show or the valerian root that I put in my tea which is making me drowsy. Curt Hennig tries to hit on Torrie Wilson, and it’s pretty funny, actually (Hennig: “You know, I’ve got two CDs”). David comes up to her, but she doesn’t want to see him, which is a pretty rational reaction to seeing David Flair walk up to you. Hennig is annoyed that Dopey Dave is fucking up the game he’s trying to run and beats him up, then rushes off after Torrie. Not even (this neutered version of) Norman Smiley can get me excited to keep watching this show. Aw, he’s going to job to Berlyn (w/THE WALL, BROTHER). I think it’s wild that they’re dedicating significant time to a Berlyn/Brad Armstrong feud on Nitro…or that they’re paying off that feud at Halloween Havoc. I’ve come around to thinking that people overstate how harmful the Duggan match was for Berlyn. He’s just been mis-booked from the jump, and it didn’t help that Buff apparently wouldn’t job unless THE WALL, BROTHER was there to make Berlyn’s victory as cheap as possible. You know what, this presentation had potential, but maybe just get Wright and Disco back together to bolster that awful tag division you have, WCW, because Berlyn is a dud in practice. This match is alright, as you’d guess. Smiley is still popular because of the Big Wiggle and still gets cheers when he teases it. He got over, and then they just killed his heel push I guess because the Big Wiggle was too raw for television (no pun intended). WCW’s creative does this all the time, pushing an interesting talent that the crowd is into for a month or two before killing that push and relegating them to WCWSN and Worldwide for a while. So, this match: Berlyn dives into a boot and Smiley starts a comeback. He hits a pair of wind-up slams, then does a Big Wiggle to a nice pop before Berlyn lands a high knee and a reverse neckbreaker for three. Aw, shit, Gene Okerlund’s back in the ring. Ric Flair comes out here, and since he’s not really in a blood feud and is a babyface, I assume he’ll ratchet up the annoying crazy old man stuff. He’s upset about Curt Hennig punching his kid in the face, so it looks like they’ll resume their rivalry. Flair calls Hennig “Mr. Perfect,” and I’m sure McDevitt sent a memo to WCW about this slip-up at some point. Ric threatens to disappoint Kimberly in the sack later tonight and elbowdrops the mat, so you can imagine the type of nonsense late-era Flair promo that this is. Saturn and Shane Douglas come to the ring. Ah, here’s Malenko already in the ring, I think. Anyway, I totally forgot that Billy Kidman made this challenge way back at the end of the first match, and I didn’t realize that the Revolution members had agreed to it. Kidman challenged them “right now,” and the Revolution just left without responding. Kidman and Malenko do some counter-filled exchanges until Malenko leg lariats Kidman to the floor, then slides out and back Douglas off when Douglas wanders near a downed Kidman. I’m still asleep, mostly, until Saturn and Kidman do a WILD spot where Saturn release overhead belly-to-belly suplexes Kidman from the ring all the way to the floor. WHOOO, that spot ruled. Malenko keeps a watchful eye on Douglas, who really wants to get involved. Saturn tosses Kidman into the stairs and then back into the ring as we go to commercial break. We see a replay of the suolex, which is actually less impressive because they show an angle where Kidman clearly grabs the top rope on the suplex and controls his fall. The original angle of the suplex made it hard to see that Kidman had done that, and in real time, it looked like he just splattered himself. It was the perfect bump, in that it was controlled, but in real time, it didn’t look controlled. Anyway, Kidman finally gets a hot tag to Rey, who gets a huge, high-pitched pop when he tags in. Now, Rey tries a rana on Malenko, but Saturn cross body blocks Rey from the top rope as Misterio tries to complete the move. Saturn covers for two, but also Malenko is mad at him for some reason? I don’t fucking know. Saturn and Misterio are a fun pairing. Rey gets up a head of steam before leaping into a Saturn boot on a Bronco Buster attempt. Tony S. thinks that every overhead suplex that Saturn hits is a T-Bone Suplex for some reason. The work in this match is good, but the story is so muddled. Like, I get that Saturn and Malenko are beefing, but why would Malenko be mad that Saturn reversed a Rey rana? That’s a legit, clean move, which is what Malenko is demanding from Saturn. Saturn tags himself back in, and Malenko shoves Saturn backward into a Rey rollup for two in response. Saturn tags back out because he’s annoyed. What is this holding committee doing the booking even doing? There’s so much nonsense on this show. Weird finishes, incoherent character beats: This show is baffling when it isn’t boring. Rey is FIP, and Malenko actually lands a gutbuster and then locks on a Texas Cloverleaf, but Saturn tags himself back in because he wants to get the win. He lands a Savage Elbow, then tags Malenko back in. I think Malenko is going to lose control of the match, but he lands a superplex after a short counter session and then there’s a standing ten count for some reason even though Malenko was basically in control all the way through and countered Rey's counters before hitting the superplex. So, Rey gets a hot tag, and Kidman cleans house and then boosts Rey for a super Frankensteiner, but Malenko makes the save. Rey takes out Malenko as Kidman preps an SSP, but Douglas knocks Kidman off the ropes and then tosses the chain to Saturn, who uses it to drill Kidman in the head for three. Malenko spots the replay of the finish on the TurnerTron, rips up his Revolution shirt, and spits at Douglas before storming away in anger. Haha, the Revolution is possibly the worst stable in pro wrestling history. If we had a kayfabe WCW stable ranking, they’d be beneath the First Family. Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus are more effective than they are. Think about that! Hype video: Goldberg kills off mooks and NPCs. Forget nine more months until the Hulkster fucks off to Tampa; only three months until Nitro goes back to two hours! Syko Sid Vicious beats up Van Hammer. Tony S. notes that Hammer did request this match on Thunder a couple of weeks ago, so there’s some follow-through here, at least. Hammer tries his best, but he gets stuck with a Sid big boot and doesn’t really threaten from there. Vicious chews his gum all the way through this thing. Charles Robinson isn’t the ref, so they have to work a fucking ref bump so that Rick Steiner can come down, hit a diving bulldog, and help Sid land a spike powerbomb. Steiner stays in there to count the pin, but Slick Johnson revives and counts it himself even though Steiner is counting along with him at the one count. I mean, yeah, Steiner slides out of the ring after that, but you’d think Slick would think it’s weird that his count was in stereo and look around before Steiner can get his burly ass back underneath the ropes. Mike Tenay joins the desk to talk about last week’s Benoit/Hitman matchup, and they show the finish of that match…and then… Vignette: Seven breaks into a little boy’s bedroom. It’s weird. Seven, or maybe the Black Scorpion, says this, word for word: AWAKE, MY SON. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? WHAT’S IN YOUR CLOSET? WHO IS IN YOUR WINDOW? COME TO ME AND LIVE FOREVER. JOIN ME IN COMPLETE BLISS. THAT’S RIGHT, MY SON. NOW SLEEP, MY CHILD, and this is one hundred percent a molestation allegory, right? That was some “The Niteman Cometh” style shit. Who is working out their pain by developing these Seven vignettes? Someone get them some fucking therapy already. Curt Hennig forgets the lyrics to his own theme music as he comes down the aisle with Curly Bill; Ric Flair is his opponent. I don’t ever want to see this match again, especially in 1999. My goodness. Hennig dances; Flair slaps him; Hennig bails. I’m not entirely sure that Flair ever got his big win over Hennig when they were feuding in late 1997/early 1998. I am quite sure that he didn't, actually. Flair chops and low blows Hennig, and oh man, let’s move this along. There’s an obligabrawl. There’s an unnecessary commercial break in this thing. It hits every annoying trope that WCW television matches often hit in the late Nitro era. Flair plays the hits, including locking a Figure Four on Hennig. Hennig gets the ropes, though Flair just beats him up some more. Hennig gets control, and tries to cheat to win, but David Flair runs out and knocks Curly Bill away as Bill tries to help Hennig get a leveraged pinfall; Flair pins Hennig and uses the ropes himself for three. Boy, did that match suck ass. Recap: Luger TTP hits Bret in the face with a baseball bat. That should be a broken nose and a lot of reconstructive surgery if it were a legit bat. Stop using weapons that should put someone out for weeks or months if you can’t follow through. We finally get the entrances for the main event about nine-and-a-half minutes before this show ends. All this time to fill, to the point that we got multiple segments and matches to build Brad Armstrong/Berlyn and a replay of the finish to a match that ended last week, but these main events are still like seven minutes long. Luger TTP even does his whole unveiling thing to eat up more time. So, it’s tTP and Rick Steiner’s sorry ass against Chris Benoit and Bret Hart. The match immediately breaks down: Bret goes at Luger, and Benoit attacks Steiner. Bret and Luger tTP have an obligabrawl outside the ring while Steiner does boring offense inside the ring. We get the notice that this show had technical difficulties again, so if we’re just going to fritz out here before this match ends, sure, that’s fine. But no, it’s just more audio issues that end around the time that Benoit gets a Crippler Crossface on Steiner and tTP makes the save. None of this matters because Sid eventually comes down here and makes things three-on-two when the heels already in the ring are totally fucked. They destroy Benoit and then the Hitman until Goldberg comes down and spears Steiner. Sid gets a mic and is like U CAN’T TOUCH THIS and then he does a crab walk, but Goldberg spears him anyway. No, wait, the crab walk didn’t happen, but Goldberg did spear him. So, uh, is the Havoc match off since it had the stip that Goldberg couldn't touch Sid before the match? Is this how they get out of Goldberg eating loss number two? Do I even have the capacity to care if they bait-and-switch the only match on the Havoc card that I have a mild interest in at this point? This show was confusing and boring, but at least it wasn’t, like, negative Stinger Splashes bad, you know? That counts for something. 1.5 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 La Parka has a prego fetish? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 (edited) Thunder Interlude – show number eighty-four – 14 October 1999 "The WCW Gang gives up on Thunder and lets Kevin Nash say whatever he wants on commentary" Let’s continue to Thunderrrrrrrrrrr toward Halloween Havoc… This one is a live show since we’re two weeks out from the PPV…We’re in the capital of Louisiana tonight…One thing I miss about WCW is how they’d do televised shows from mid-sized and small cities…Those crowds would be juiced for a live wrestling show in their area and often elevated a show with their excitement… And look who’s here…Mike Tenay, Larry Z., and Kevin Nash, who cackles and actually excitedly wriggles in his seat when Tenay introduces him…I think that was genuine excitement on his part… Nash says that everyone claims he was a horrible booker who always booked himself in the best spot, and he says that indeed, booking himself into retirement was a sweet deal for him…He says that he’s on commentary because he’s still getting paid, and WCW wanted to get something out of that fat contract he’s on… I will say that the issue with Nash’s tenure wasn’t that he made himself champ for two months…He was absolutely over at that level, even if he was only the third-biggest babyface behind Goldberg and Sting (in that order)…It’s all the rest of it, what with the dumb segments and the inability to properly organize the midcard and the oversight of a bunch of belts being booked into oblivion…That’s what makes him a supremely shitty head of a booking committee… Oh man, Nash taking one last chance after his now-dead booking tenure to not get anyone over because he’s too busy telling jokes is too good… Human tree stump Buddy Lee Parker comes to the ring to face Hacksaw Jim Duggan, whom I can’t stand, but who will forever be way over in Louisiana…Every time they come to this state and run him out here, he gets a nice reception…This match absolutely sucks, obviously…Do you think Hacksaw could hit a terrible football spear at this age?...Like, how far off the ground could he get before flicking his fingers into the side of Buddy Lee’s head and having the Sarge sell it like death?...The best part of this is Nash thinking that Tenay made up the name for Duggan’s Old Glory kneedrop, which Hacksaw lands for three after way too long…Nash asking if Tenay had official documentation for the name of that move had me dying… I see we’re bringing out the big hitters…Al Green is out next…Tenay points out that Nash tagged with Green in the past…Nash gets the jobber enhancement talent Green mixed up with the singer of “Tired of Being Alone” and croons badly in the bargain…You know what, some wrestler should pull from singer Al Green’s life story and scald their enemy with a “pot of hot grits” attack…Anyway, Lash LeRoux is jobber enhancement talent Green’s opponent…Let’s get Lash some promo time and put the Cruiserweight title on him if he doesn’t suck at talking…Huh, as I write this, Tenay says that Lash is randomly getting a shot at Disco’s title at Havoc…I spoke it into existence…Nash likes LeRoux’s sideburns…Nash riffs while Green catches a LeRoux dive and slams the young wrestler for two…LeRoux quickly recovers and cruises to victory from there, drilling a Whiplash for three. Recap: WCW insists on pushing the First fucking Family… The Total Package (w/Liz) deigns to show up on Thunder, and in fact, will be on the taped Thunder next week against Buff Bagwell…Just get these two together as heels instead of having them wrestle one another…The latter never goes very well…Forgive me for being crude, but I think there are two women who caused teenage me to really understand and accept his attraction to women in their 30s/40s…Liz in WCW and Pam Grier in that one episode of Fresh Prince where she tried to seduce Will and he curved her…I basically hated on Will for missing his shot, which totally went against the message of that episode… Anyway, Larry Z. makes an off-color comment about Liz’s magnificent bust, and Nash half-chuckles/half-winces before congratulating Larry on lightening up a bit…TTP cuts a promo in which he’s annoyed that he and Liz and Nash for that matter are huge stars who were forced to come to Baton Rouge…Nash: “Hey, I didn’t say that”…TTP: “If you want me to talk, you’re gonna SHUT UP”…Nash, in an affectation of a shocked babyface commentator: “HE’S JUST SO SMUG”…Haha….TTP is not a fan of the “sawed-off runts in the back” and their dreams of stardom…This is a promo just to fill time…The crowd is hot for it, though, and even starts a faint ASSHOLE chant…There’s a shot of a fan in the crowd Torture Racking his friend…Nash: “The Old Glory Torture Rack”…*snerk*… Finally, Buff Bagwell walks out here to a nice pop…You know what I love?...Buff got that big win over Piper with the help of his mom…He got a big head…And soon, he’ll be doing worked-shoot lay downs for Vince Russo in a dumb angle…He deserves it…TTP claimed that no one tried to contact him when he hurt his arm earlier in the year, and Buff says that’s a lie because he, Buff, checked on tTP and got no response…Buff asks what the deal is with tTP and Sting’s friendship with him…Buff is hurt that Luger is acting this way because tTP helped him out and he looked up to the guy…Well, except for about two years ago when Buff picked up cheap win after cheap win over tTP and laughed about it…Now Rick Steiner comes down and helps distract Buff so that tTP can jump him…Uh, La Parka runs down for the save with a chair?!...The heels bail…Nash claims that tTP is terrified of skeletons…What the fuck is happening right now?!... Recap: Torrie Wilson is desperately trying to upgrade on David Flair as a partner… Scott and Steve Armstrong tag up against Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus (w/Jimmy Hart)…Let me just put a grade on it for you right quick…DUD…The most exciting thing about this bout is Tenay announcing that Mayhem will be WCW’s first Canadian pay-per-view show ever, held at the Air Canada Centre/Scotiabank Arena…It’s also one of only two non-WWE PPVs to be held in this building, as I just found out in a quick Google…AEW held a PPV called Forbidden Door there last year…After an obligabrawl and a lot of boredom, Morrus lands a No Laughing Matter on one of them Armstrong Boys for three…They let Knobbs talk after the match, and it stinks on ice…Harlem Heat runs down and clears the ring…Kevin Nash has a bout of racial blindness and thinks that Booker T. is Wesley Snipes…They look nothing alike!... Recap: The Revolution went from four to two on Monday, and Saturn will face Rey Misterio Jr. later tonight to try and settle things… Recap: Kevin Nash claims that he put together a top-notch video package of Goldberg and Sid facing off on Monday, then realizes that he forgot to add a voice over and just does it himself live as it plays…Nash: [Goldberg], A MAN WHO CANNOT TOUCH THE OTHER MAN…Sid: “Does it feel good?!”…Nash as Goldberg: I DON’T KNOW, WE HAVEN’T TOUCHED…Nash: AND THE VERY SHORT POLICEMEN LOOK AT THE GIGANTIC GOLDBERG…Nash points out that he milked the hard camera as Goldberg Jackhammers Horace Hogan and gets excited when he spots himself clowning… Nash: BILL GOLDBERG: A BALD-HEADED MAN WITH A TATTOO WHO HAS ONLY LOST ONE TIME, TO A FIERCER WARRIOR THAN HIMSELF, KEVIN NASH…Tenay asks if NFL Films has invited Nash to work for them…Nash: BILL GOLDBERG STANDS ON THE TUNDRA OF LAMBEAU FIELD…*snerk*…Nash, upon seeing Sid: SID! SIX-FOOT-TEN, TWO HUNDRED—NO, THREE HUNDRED—NO, FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY-ONE POUNDS OF MENACING STEEL… Nash: WITH THE HELP OF HIS ALLY RICK STEINER, VAN HAMMER GOES DOWN TO DEFEAT…AS THE BALD-HEADED MAN THAT IS NOT GOLDBERG (Slick Johnson) [is behind him to count the pinfall]…This is so dumb, holy shit…Nash: RICK STEINER, A MAN FROM DETROIT, MICHIGAN WHO SPEAKS LIKE A SOUTHERN REDNECK…bwahahahahahahaha, that is hilarious… Everything about Goldberg is SECOND TO NONE according to Nash…NASH: [GOLDBERG] TURNS [to see Sid] AND NOW HE RECKONS THE FACT THAT HE CANNOT TOUCH THE AGILE GIANT VICIOUS…Sid says basically the same thing about not being touched directly to Goldberg in the recap audio…Nash, irritated: “I just said that, Vicious”…Nash: GOLDBERG PONDERS THE SITUATION, LOOKS FROM SIDE TO SIDE, GIVES A WINK – AND A TACKLE! WHAT WILL HAPPEN?! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US?!?!?!?! I mean, Nash just made a joke out of the only interesting feud WCW’s built going into Havoc, but he can get away with it because he really is quite funny! Horace Hogan is adrift without any backup…The B-TEAMERS EXPLODE as Crush comes to the ring…Man, there has been too much ALL CAPS in this review…In my defense, ALL CAPS is the only accurate way to stylize Nash’s commentary for that last recap…Nash cracks himself up by calling Horace’s backward boot to Crush’s balls an Old Glory Mule Kick…It’s so dumb, but I’m laughing…Nash says that Luger refuses to come back to the ring because of the skeletons on the side of Horace’s singlet…Tenay warns Nash that Luger’s going to send him a memo about getting his new naming conventions wrong…Nash: “Sorry, Package”…This match is entirely forgettable, but actually Tenay playing straight man to jokey frat boy Nash is very entertaining…Get Booker back out here and let’s put Chet Lemon and Black Snow on commentary along with Tenay…If no one cares about Thunder, at least give me that…Booker calling his own run-in back in TNA is one of the funniest things ever in pro wrestling…(A few wrestlers run into the ring to attack Scott Steiner as Booker sits at the desk): WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN’ ON…(Booker runs in and lands a boot on Consequences Creed) : BOOKER T.’S GONNA HIT HIM WITH A KICK TO THE HEAD, OHHHHHHHHH…Absolutely hilarious…Anyway, Crush wins it with a piledriver… Gene Okerlund, uh, interviews Lash LeRoux in the ring?...Maybe this would have been better served by being taped for next week’s show since LeRoux already wrestled tonight?...Nash, scoffing: “Who’s booking this?!”…LeRoux cuts a shitty promo, so never mind about putting the gold on him…This broke-ass Remy LeBeau imitation sucks…I know he’s actually Cajun, but still…That’s how it comes off…He’s cutting this promo in Louisiana, so the crowd’s naturally receptive, which is good…It’s so weird to me that being Cajun in and of itself is a gimmick in pop culture, generally…Is it the accent?... Recap: I got a Topo Chico from the back of my fridge, and it wasn’t as ice cold as this Berlyn/Brad Armstrong feud… Prince Iaukea is food for Berlyn (w/THE WALL, BROTHER)…So much ALL CAPS, geez…Nash promises to put together a video package for THE WALL, BROTHER next week…Tenay asks him to please do the audio commentary ahead of time, hahahaha…Tenay announces a tTP/Rick Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell/La Parka match for later tonight…Nash is shocked that this match is happening…“What are they doing together as a team?! Oh no, no, I remember now, half the guys didn’t show up today, so we had to book this earlier in the day. What are you smiling about, Mike? *laughs*”...Tenay, wryly: “Welcome to this all-shoot edition of Thunder!”…Larry Z. tries to join in, but his comments are superfluous, and he only fucks up the exquisite two-man act that Tenay and Nash have going on. Nash doesn’t help poor Berlyn’s case by claiming that he weighs in at a “stealth[y] 163,” then ignores the proceedings to claim that he and Hall are getting a variety show on TBS…Nash: “I’m looking for some kind of niche here. I’m tired of bumping around, I’m getting old”…Stop talking to Larry; he stinks at verbal interplay with Nash…Aw man, nothing on this show matters, and while Nash is correct to treat all of this like it doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t, he’s also a huge part of the reason that all of this doesn’t matter considering he’s the creative vacuum who helped Bischoff run WCW’s popularity into the ground…Nash calls out Iaukea’s Samoan Drop as, you guessed it, the Old Glory Samoan Drop…Berlyn’s cruising to victory, but pulls Iaukea up at two on a pinfall attempt just so THE WALL, BROTHER can punch Iaukea right into a reverse neckbreaker for three… Hype video: What the hell, let’s try and push Meng as unbeatable again… Luther Biggs (w/Coach Buzz Stern) is really bumming me out…Nash and Larry Z. think that the husky Biggs will blow out a number of vertebrae and joints working at that weight…Mean…Nash, talking about Meng as the latter comes to the ring: “You never see Meng and Barry White at the same time”…They look nothing alike!...Nash, I know you’ve met some non-white people living in Detroit…You should have less racial blindness than this…Nash actually straight up puts Meng over for his toughness, then sets up Tenay by asking about Meng’s sumo background…Even goofy-ass Nash is going to play it mostly straight when Meng’s in the squared circle…Meng quickly locks on a Tongan Death Grip for the win…Coach Stern tries to break the TDG up with a clipboard shot after the bell, so Meng TDG’s him, too… Saturn and Rey Misterio Jr. could wrestle each other every night, and I’d be into it…Nash remarks that Havoc is his favorite PPV…Tenay, in a voice that suggests that he knows better than to ask, but he's going to do it anyway: “And why is that, Big Sexy Kevin Nash?”…The answer is basically “strip clubs in Vegas when we hold Havoc there, LOLOL”…Saturn and Rey have another fine match, though not to the level of either of their recent Nitro bouts…Misterio lands a Bronco Buster early…Nash: “Y’know, if Hacksaw did that [move], it’d be the Old Glory Rough Rider”…It still isn’t old, at least to me…Saturn lands a Porterhouse modified T-Bone suplex and then works a series of holds on Rey for a couple of minutes…Rey tries a couple of comebacks, but gets stuffed, including on a nasty Dragon Suplex… The match is basically that, actually…Lots of Rey making comebacks that don’t quite stick because Saturn uses his power to kill them…For example, on this diving powerbomb counter to Rey’s top-rope Frankensteiner attempt…Rey decides that his best route to victory is flash pinfall attempts rather than trying to get extended control of the match and gets a headscissors into a victory roll for three…Saturn grabs a chain from his tights and lays out both the ref and Rey after the match…Saturn lands an Old Glory Elbow a Savage Elbow and locks on a Rings of Saturn before a bunch of refs run down to back him away… Let’s get this main event out of the way…Rick Steiner and the Total Package (w/Liz) are out to the ring first…Tenay points out that Nash is the godfather to Rick’s oldest son Hudson…Huh, Rick and his wife really like first names that end in -son, huh?...Anyway, Nash shouts out Hudson on commentary…This match is a zero with an obligabrawl to startand all that sort of thing…Nash, as Bagwell chokes Luger at ringside: BAGWELL GOES TO THE OLD GLORY CHOKE AT RINGSIDE…I assume there’s a supercut of just all Nash’s Old Glory references (another one just now: “Old Glory Steinerline”) on Youtube somewhere…La Parka is basically here to get his ass kicked…He finally gets a hot tag after hitting Luger with a missile dropkick…Well, he actually doesn’t make the tag, but Slick Johnson is storyline and also shoot friends with Buff and lets it go…Then, Parka gets back in the ring with the chair and Buff hits him with a Blockbuster because Parka got in the way of his line of sight while prepping to Blockbuster Steiner…Buff leaves as the heels stomp Parka out…Uh…What?!... This Thunder was basically a bag of smashed assholes, but Kevin Nash and Mike Tenay genuinely were enjoyable together, so you know what, it made things watchable…WOO… Edited August 18 by SirSmUgly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 8 hours ago, zendragon said: La Parka has a prego fetish? IDK, he seems like more of a Ragu kind of guy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiztor Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 I am catching up after being out of town for a couple weeks, so no quoting and this won't be in any order. i don't think there's an interesting story about Bryan Adams not being the KISS Demon. IIRC, he just didn't want to do it. also, i think you are mistaken. I certainly don't remember there being a New Year's Evil show/PPV. Sadly, Blitzkrieg's C-show appearances aren't as "WCW ass WCW matchup" as you may hope. But he does have a match against Eddy Guerrero (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4lbpCO0i_E&pp=ygUXd2N3IGJsaXR6a3JpZWcgZ3VlcnJlcm8%3D) and one versus Psychosis (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkR9T97d0BI&pp=ygUYd2N3IGJsaXR6a3JpZWcgcHN5Y2hvc2lz). You'll only see him one more time. Side rant, Blitzkrieg's WCW record is 3-14, with 1 DCO. what a waste of a brand new talent that had fans excited to watch and other wrestlers excited to work with. He gets enough credit to work with the top of the cruiser division, but he never wins, he never cuts a promo, he never does anything of note. Ultimately, i think that's the most impressive thing about a guy who only worked nationally for ~6 months, 20+ years ago and people still talk about him. Kevin Nash calling everything an "Old Glory ____" is one of my favorite memories of Thunder. It was stupid at *just* the right level. Plus, it's riffing on Jim Duggan, who has no place in 1999 pro wrestling. But it's not mean. Just funny. Plus, the Al Green bit was a great meta reference. i say again that you could easily make a case that Psychosis and La Parka are the most underutilized guys on the roster. At NO point in either of their WCW tenures are they put in a position to really shine. Sure Psychosis had an early feud with Rey that was great, but it was completely about getting Rey over. There's nothing wrong with that, but it was 3 years ago now! Let him show a mean streak and "deliberately" injure his opponents. They could have slotted him in as leader of the LWO after Eddy's car accident. They could have given him an ACTUAL cruiserweight title run instead of just letting him hold the belt long enough to drop it to someone not even in the division. And La Parka? Strap him up with the TV title. It would be a better use than putting it on Rick Steiner, or Prince Iaukea, or Konnan, or JIM FUCKING DUGGAN, or dropping it in the garbage can. Or hell, let them team up consistently and put together a decent run. They're better than the First Family at least. Your posts have really made me rethink the Kevin Nash era (can 6 months be an era?) When i rewatched, i logically knew that Kevin Nash had taken over booking, but i really only consciously attributed his own angles to him. I didn't give him the blame/credit for all of the other bullshit. But reflecting now, i do remember being confused that all of this nonsensical stuff was happening while Bischoff was still on TV. I definitely was (and to be honest probably still am) guilty of just dropping that all on Russo, who wasn't even with the company yet. It truly was a dire run for everything. The fact that Goldberg remains over is absolutely a testament to his charisma and presence IN SPITE of the truly awful booking. Maybe he also benefited by being off TV at that time? Every other main eventer has suffered, badly. And below that, every wrestler has suffered even more! i struggle to come up with a SINGLE example of somebody who this booking helped. Ernest Miller? But that's all in the past now. Here comes Russo! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 New Year's Evil is the final Nitro of 99, I think there was a plan at one point to have it be PPV https://ringthedamnbell.wordpress.com/2018/07/20/kiss-at-midnight-the-failed-new-years-eve-wcw-kiss-pay-per-view/ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 Re: Blitzkrieg; I wonder if the legend of him is similar to Dan Spivey briefly doing Waylon Mercy where the run was so short it lead to a myth making of what could have been 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 19 Author Share Posted August 19 16 hours ago, twiztor said: i don't think there's an interesting story about Bryan Adams not being the KISS Demon. IIRC, he just didn't want to do it. I think it's weird that they sidelined that character and then suddenly bothered to bring him back by giving the gimmick to Dale Torborg. Huh. If Adams was reluctant about doing it, why did they do all that follow-through in the first place? I guess he didn't say anything until three weeks in or something. Quote also, i think you are mistaken. I certainly don't remember there being a New Year's Evil show/PPV. 4 hours ago, zendragon said: New Year's Evil is the final Nitro of 99, I think there was a plan at one point to have it be PPV https://ringthedamnbell.wordpress.com/2018/07/20/kiss-at-midnight-the-failed-new-years-eve-wcw-kiss-pay-per-view/ zendragon is correct: Tony S. has stated that it's the 12/27/99 Nitro. They're running a WCW Mayhem (the video game) contest in which the winner gets to attend it for free, IIRC in Houston, if I recall the last time Schiavone shilled it on Nitro correctly. In that original post, I almost got it mixed up with the 12/31 New Year's Eve PPV that Bischoff wants to run and always says that Turner shot down because a bunch of people didn't want to work NYE, but Tony S. explicitly stated that it was the 12/27 Nitro. Now, if they drop that branding between now and then, I wouldn't be surprised, since Russo is coming in and flipping the table, which I'm sure doubles the confusion when trying to figure out if this event ever happened. Quote Sadly, Blitzkrieg's C-show appearances aren't as "WCW ass WCW matchup" as you may hope. But he does have a match against Eddy Guerrero (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4lbpCO0i_E&pp=ygUXd2N3IGJsaXR6a3JpZWcgZ3VlcnJlcm8%3D) and one versus Psychosis (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkR9T97d0BI&pp=ygUYd2N3IGJsaXR6a3JpZWcgcHN5Y2hvc2lz). You'll only see him one more time. Side rant, Blitzkrieg's WCW record is 3-14, with 1 DCO. what a waste of a brand new talent that had fans excited to watch and other wrestlers excited to work with. He gets enough credit to work with the top of the cruiser division, but he never wins, he never cuts a promo, he never does anything of note. Ultimately, i think that's the most impressive thing about a guy who only worked nationally for ~6 months, 20+ years ago and people still talk about him. They should have run these matches on Nitro, but I think my belaboring the point about how they misbooked Blitz, Psicosis, and the whole cruiserweight division in 1999 is quite long in the tooth at this point. Nash left the belt on Rey, who spent a lot of time in feuds outside of the division, for most of the year before bypassing the types of workers that made the division special to put it on a guy working a broad, WWF-style character instead. Nash is the guy who finally killed the cruiserweights, which doesn't surprise me since he is openly down on smaller guys who don't have big characters. Quote Kevin Nash calling everything an "Old Glory ____" is one of my favorite memories of Thunder. It was stupid at *just* the right level. Plus, it's riffing on Jim Duggan, who has no place in 1999 pro wrestling. But it's not mean. Just funny. Plus, the Al Green bit was a great meta reference. I cannot stand Duggan, but people love his shtick. I think if they left him on C-shows in the Southern and Midwestern U.S., especially considering their crowd makeup, it would have been out of date, but fine. However, that's not me trying to indicate that there's anything wrong with making fun of his dopey shtick! Quote i say again that you could easily make a case that Psychosis and La Parka are the most underutilized guys on the roster. <snip> Bischoff on his podcast complains about the TV title being dumb and useless all the time even though it helped elevate both Booker T. and Chris Benoit. I mean, that TV title reign pretty much cemented Booker as a legitimate future singles star in the company. You could see it happen in real time. La Parka getting a well-booked run with it would have made a ton of sense. Quote Your posts have really made me rethink the Kevin Nash era (can 6 months be an era?) When i rewatched, i logically knew that Kevin Nash had taken over booking, but i really only consciously attributed his own angles to him. I didn't give him the blame/credit for all of the other bullshit. But reflecting now, i do remember being confused that all of this nonsensical stuff was happening while Bischoff was still on TV. I definitely was (and to be honest probably still am) guilty of just dropping that all on Russo, who wasn't even with the company yet. <snip> If Russo can have an era that only goes like three months before they send him home and then pair him with Bischoff, Nash can have a six-month era. I thought Nash was booking this show for nine months - didn't he get slotted into the position at the start of 1999 after being added to the committee in late 1998? Anyway, no matter how many months, I had the same realization as you that Nash did a bunch of garbage that people put on Vince Russo. And if you listen to 83 Weeks shows that cover PPVs or Nitros during Nash's tenure, Bischoff basically loves a lot of the stuff that was spearheaded by the Nash-led committee that he apparently signed off on. I've settled into the belief that, no matter how chaotic Vince Russo's run gets, it Nash's run that burned WCW creative to the ground. Russo and Ferrara merely salted the earth afterward. Really, as soon as Bash at the Beach 1998 ends, WCW cooks itself over the next fourteen months with a sudden and severe downturn in creative quality and, because Bischoff and Nash aren't willing to push certain types of guys much or at all, a severe downturn in match quality, too. Outside of when they got hot for a few weeks in March/April of 1999, this show has been awful. The funny thing is that the WWF is cooking with their loaded main event scene, but it's an active midcard that has clearly defined roles and stories that is buttressing all their main event stuff, which is largely thanks to...Vince Russo caring enough about a vibrant midcard to develop this stuff and take it to Vince McMahon for sign-off. The WCW midcard as of October 1999 is basically dead, poorly booked, and with a bunch of ill-defined wrestlers who barely get on TV consistently. I expect that to change by December of 1999...except for the guys like Psicosis and La Parka, who aren't native English speakers and therefore aren't worth doing much with in Russo's mind. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 19 Author Share Posted August 19 Show #210 – 18 October 1999 “The one that begins the Russo/Ferrara era with some unrealized promise and some real stupidity alike” A limo pulls up. The driver gets out and opens the door. Sid and a few lawyers, nattily attired in suits, get out. I forgot to mention that last week, when TTP and Liz were yapping at the Hitman and Chris Benoit, Sid arrived at the show by getting out of a cab in the background – hahahaha, I guess no car rental service would give him insurance after the previous two weeks – so this is a big upgrade for him this week! It's a HOT CRUISERWEIGHT OPENER pitting Juventud Guerrera against Evan Karagias. Juvi wins a shoulderblock before running the ropes and getting tossed to the floor. A JUVI SUCKS chant fires up, so maybe this could end up being a HOT CRUISERWEIGHT OPENER [Editor’s note: hahahahahahaNO]. Juvi reacts by ducking a couple of wild Karagias strikes and hitting counter chops; they struggle over control and dodge corner charges before Juvi scores a headscissors and signals for the Juvi Driver to boos. He doesn’t try a Juvi Driver, though; he lands corner punches and lasciviously signals for a Juvi Driver again before, dammit, what the fuck, Bret Hart busts in on this match? WHAT THE HELL, HITMAN? I thought you appreciated a straight-up wrestling match. Dammit, Bret. He says he wasn’t on the call sheet tonight, so he took it upon himself to come out here and bust in on the cruiserweights like every other heavyweight does. So, Bret says he came to WCW to get a match with Hulk Hogan and to win the WCW World Championship, but he’s been repeatedly lied to, and he’s sick of it. That’s when Sting’s music hits and Sting walks onto the ramp holding a microphone. He gets a pop because WCW is dumb. Sting says Bret should know by now that promises mean nothing in pro wrestling. Then he crotch chops at Bret. Sting: “Nobody cares that you’ve been screwed because we’ve all been screwed in this business.” I mean, the heel has a good point. Then, he ends by proclaiming that if Bret wants a WCW World Championship shot, all he had to do was ask, and says that they can fight for the gold later tonight. So, wait, they didn’t have time for Bret to have a little interview segment, but they do have time to plonk a whole world title match somewhere in this show? Which cruiserweights are they bumping for that match to happen? Anyway, WCW hates cruiserweights. Nothing new here. Tony S. tells us that Russo and Ferrara are in control starting TONIGHT, and you know what, I’ve been at least somewhat inoculated by Nash’s run. Hilariously, it only takes Russo et al. until the very first night to book an Evening Gown Match. I mean, is there any clearer indication that Russo is running things than that? Funny enough, it’s a dumb match type built on anyone who loves looking at boobs building up an expectation of seeing boobs before finally, someone loses their dress and the boobs are free and on view…but it also closes a loop by actually paying attention to what happened months earlier in a midcard feud and finishing the feud that should have been ended two months ago. Bonus points since Mona wears a gown to the ring, so you can see a sort of oblique logic to the match type, as Madusa is certainly not above destroying Mona’s gown as a way to crap on her. Oh, Vince Russo, if you didn’t have such lowbrow tastes, you might actually be a good, attentive booker. (Tony S. and Heenan are excited about that match type, by the way, and comically whiff on a high five while getting hyped to see it.) Mike Tenay interviews Sid Vicious and his lawyers in the back. Sid starts one of his crazed rants about Goldberg spearing him, but he huddles with his lawyers and suddenly turns around and professionally declines comment upon the advice of his legal team. OK, that was pretty funny. Goldberg gets out of a car. WHOA, NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. Sid huddles with his lawyers in the back; his legal team thinks that they’ve got an airtight way to get Sid out of the Havoc match. Vampiro walks out alone, so I guess the ICP is out of the company or on tour or hell, maybe they just missed their flight. Vampiro’s facing Disco Inferno. Lash LeRoux walks out to do commentary to complete silence because he’s had no sustained push and has garnered spotty time on Nitro and Thunder the last few weeks. Disco lands a Chartbuster in like a minute for the finish. Yeah, I see our match times have already drastically shot downward, too. Lash jumps Disco from behind and hits him with a Whiplash after the match. So is Lash a heel now? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. This is WCW. Larry Z. (?!) interviews Goldberg in the back. Goldberg is determined to destroy Sid at Havoc no matter how many lawyers Sid has with him. It’s a new Seven promo. A child holds up a block with the number seven on it, then puts it down as Seven floats up to his window. Here’s what Seven/the Black Scorpion/the Niteman has to say this time around, word-for-word as before: WAIT, MY CHILD. FOR IT IS YOUR TIME. WHEN DOES OUR JOURNEY BEGIN? ON THE SEVENTH NIGHT, WE BEGIN OUR REIGN OF TERROR AND DARKNESS. WCW: FEAR ME, YOU WILL. STOP ME, YOU CANNOT. What with the goofy voice and the last two lines, all I could think was that three Yodas stacked on top of one another and wearing a vaguely humanoid suit were going to abduct this poor child. Tenay interviews Madusa in the locker room, and you know why she’s going to get so much burn in the Russo era? She is the epitome of tacky. Over-tanned, red-and-blue highlights in her hair, the gaudy American flag design everywhere on her clothing, all that screams “forty-something Florida woman who abuses her young, unsure-of-himself under-25 boyfriend, but he sticks around and takes the abuse because of the consistent sex and the lack of experience to know that something is amiss.” Which, you know, is exactly the gimmick she gets under Russo, if I’m not mistaken. Madusa claims not to enjoy wearing evening gowns or tearing off women’s clothes, which I assume that she’s done a lot of in drunken bar brawls in Destin, so that’s probably a lie. Anyway, she’s like What sort of sick fuck would even make women do something like an Evening Gown Match?, and I’m like, oh come on, that’s very on the nose. She decides that she might not even be going out there to wrestle later on. Hey, I finally recognize one of the ladies in the Nitro Girls search, and yeah, I think I know our winner: Mean Gene is standing in the ring with Kimberly to his right and Stacy Keibler to his left. Wow, think about it: Social climbing from being a contestant a Nitro Girls search to the lady who dated George Clooney one woman before he actually settled down and got married. Not bad! Buff Bagwell busts in on the proceedings. You know, this does feel like a Russo-formatted show, but it doesn’t feel that far away from what Nash was doing. Really, WCW has been booked pseudo-New York style for the past ten months anyway. Buff claims that he’s the CHO-CHO-CHOSEN ONE in the eyes of the new guys in charge. NOPE. Also, Jeff Jarrett had his Good Housekeeping Match with Chyna at No Mercy the night before this show, so I’m expecting him back any day soon. Jarrett’s 1996/1997 WCW run really opened my eyes to how fantastic a performer he is, so I’m more than willing to re-think his second and final WCW run, though I hated everything he did throughout most of the aughts in TNA, and his second WCW run is the genesis of that whole character. Anyway, Buff goes on about internet rumors that he’s going to be the next big thing under this regime because Russo is a smark who books for other smarks, but doesn’t realize that most of the fanbase for pro wrestling isn’t reading WON…sort of like Tony Khan, if you think about it. He cuts an incomprehensible promo unless you were in the know about backstage bullshit and maybe posting about it on the old DVDVR forums (if you were full of class) or Chris Jericho’s website forum (if, like me, you were a chump). Larry Z. talks to Mona in the back, who is sanguine about her chances in that whole evening gown match since she wears an evening gown to wrestle already. Huh. I feel like the way Mona and Madusa reacted to this match type should have been switched. Kimberly walks around backstage looking for David Flair for some dumb reason. Who would want to willingly look for David Flair? She doesn’t find him. Sid is not pleased with how much he’s being billed by his lawyers. He hired guys at three-fifty an hour and basically indicates two things: 1) That he expects to get out of the Goldberg Havoc match at that price, and 2) they’d better call him MISTER Tibbs Vicious if he’s paying them that much. Sid is so entertaining to me. He’s actually a very funny guy in these segments. Goldberg wraps his wrist in tape. That’s it, that’s what they showed there. Tony S. confirms, as he introduces the WCW Mayhem match of the week, that New Year’s Evil will be the branding for the 12/27/99 Nitro in the Houston Astrodome. We’ll see if he’s still saying that next week. This week’s sweepstakes match: Rey Misterio Jr. and Konnan versus Harlem Heat for the WCW World Tag Team Championships. This match goes thirty seconds before Eddy Guerrero, Billy Kidman, and Torrie Wilson walk out here. Look, can we agree that maybe there’s going to be far less match commentary about the moves actually happening in the match for the next few months’ worth of reviews? The people who walked out here crash commentary and Kidman thinks Tony is “pitching a tent” since Torrie is sitting next to him. Yuck. Meanwhile, Booker and Rey have a good sequence with one another. Eddy doesn’t fit with these other three dudes at all. We cut back to the First Family scouting the match on a monitor while Kidman tries desperately to flash a personality on audio. Meanwhile, Booker T. and Stevie Ray control Konnan in the ring for a while before Booker wanders over to commentary to jaw at the other two Filthy Animals. Eddy continues to be terrible on commentary; the folks in the WWF/E really helped him unlock his true potential. This is a very busy segment; off-camera, Booker goes at it with Eddy and Kidman while Rey and Konnan land a leveraged pin on Stevie and win the tag titles, BWAHAHAHAHA, this is all some nonsense. Thank goodness that we can finally get this Booker/Stevie direct feud that has been teased for like eighteen months going, though. Let’s get through it and move on to better things for my boy Booker. Kimberly tracks down David Flair and gives him the ol’ “fuck me” eyes. What the heck? Kimberly propositions this dope David, and oh, this is definitely a honey pot. She leaves her hotel room card with him, and yeah, he’s about to get his ass kicked by DDP in a random Marriott hotel room. The Filthy Animals celebrate in the back with Mike Tenay and cut an interview. Please Freebird Rule this shit so Rey and Kidman can defend the gold most of the time. The First Family runs up and demands an immediate title shot at Havoc, but Konnan blows them off. Meng walks out and faces Hugh Morrus in singles action. Meng no sells Morrus’s nonsense for a little bit. The Outsiders arrive at the show while Meng does some clubbering. Morrus hits a couple of Savage Elbows while the Outsiders take their seats, but he doesn’t pin Meng quickly enough, and Meng just gets up and TDG’s Morrus for three. Why would you book this match if weeks have been spent building Morrus and Knobbs as a threat to the tag titles? No, never mind, it's WCW, and I don’t expect Russo to be consistent with how he applies consistency. I think it’s just that he’ll be consistent if there’s a way to justify, say, an Evening Gown Match via being consistent, and that he won’t be consistent if he’s just pushing Hugh Morrus or whatever. Sid and his lawyers walk through the backstage area; Goldberg spies them on a monitor and vows to see what they’re up to. Sid walks to the ring (to a small pop because we’re in Philly and Sid is quite over here). He calls his cadre of lawyers to the ground while Heenan continues his out-of-place Borscht Belt act that zendragon, I think, commented on earlier (“Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe”). Sid says that he’s a man of his word, full of integrity, and therefore he’s going to follow this contract and dodge the Havoc match. That’s a pretty good way to re-frame the idea of having integrity as a heel. The crowd chants YOU SUCK and GOLDBERG, so as much as they like Sid here in Philly, they prefer Goldberg. Goldberg jogs down and spears a lawyer accidentally after Sid yanks him into Goldberg’s path, then turns around into a big boot. Sid lands a powerbomb, then stuffs their Havoc contract down his throat and yells SEE, IT’S NOT GONNA BE THAT EASY, GOLDBERG! AT HALLOWEEN HAVOC, I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! That was a cool segment, actually! Sid has been doing excellent character work since he and Goldberg have been more directly interacting. So, this is a neat tease; Hall and Nash point and laugh at Goldberg as he painfully exits the ring, so Goldberg piefaces Hall backwards into the second row; Nash gets in his face and also gets shoved back into his seat. Security runs up and breaks up the melee. See, this actually did get me hyped for Goldberg to fight a bunch of dudes: Sid, the Outsiders, the whole lot of them. Security kicks Hall and Nash out of the building while Goldberg angrily limps away. We cut to the back, where security matches Nash and Hall through the back as they protest such treatment. Tenay interviews Bret Hart in the locker room; he says basically that it’s about damn time that someone gave him a shot at the big gold. The Hitman wants to win this thing tonight, then take Sting’s place against Hogan at Havoc. Sting runs in and jumps Hart at this point, and they have a pull-apart brawl. This has been a messy and sometimes incoherent show so far, but it’s been fun and has promised some good stuff in the future. Yes, I know that this is how it starts with Russo and that the promise is never even close to fulfilled, but the stuff that’s been engaging on this show has been of very good quality. We come back from break to see the Outsiders still protesting their removal from the show. Nash: “Hey, those broads paid fifteen hundred dollars apiece to sit with us tonight!” He also complains about it being cold outside and that he’s sick and needs his cold medicine that he left back at ringside. Security is steadfast in their refusal to let them back into the building. Goldberg yells for Sid Vicious backstage and even accosts a poor, underpaid PA to find out where Sid is. Berlyn (w/THE WALL, BROTHER) walks down the ramp; oh boy, Rick Steiner is his opponent. I see that they’re going to kill off Berlyn, huh? Berlyn jumps Steiner at the bell as Steiner mad dogs THE WALL, BROTHER; Steiner is the defacto babyface here in Philly, by the way. He hits a clothesline and scores a pop. Brad Armstrong runs into the ring randomly, and Steiner grabs him. The ref is distracted, and THE WALL, BROTHER takes the chance to whap Steiner in the head with a chair. Berlyn quickly rolls back in the ring and covers for three, so they didn’t kill him off…yet. BA checks on Rick Steiner, who of course just kicks the shit out of this guy all the way up the ramp and into the technical area. We go backstage, where Hall and Nash have sneaked back into the building. Nash has been complaining that he’s had a cold all night, and he sounds stuffed up, so he whips it out from inside his pants. Uh, “it” being a stash of cherry cold medicine. Hall calls out for Goldberg, sneaking around like an idiot, while Nash chugs some cold medicine. Kimberly walks through the lobby of the nearby Marriott, and Dave Flair has to know that this is a honey trap, right? While I don’t believe in strict levels like a lot of the male online dating commentariat seems to, there are broadly, due to socioeconomic, racial, and gender preferences, groups of people who you are more and less likely to end up in a long-term or short-term relationship with. Dopey Dave and Kimberly are in the "less likely" pot when it comes to their on-screen WCW characterization. We come back from break to Kimberly walking into her room; the shower is going, and she talks to whoever is inside, then takes off her coat. All I’ll say about this part is that I have healthy T-levels. Very healthy. Oh, a second thing about this: It’s clear that this horndog Russo is running things. Anyway Flair comes out of the bathroom as Kimberly prepares to dope his glass of champagne. Not Dopey Dave, though; Raggedy Ric. Ric’s like WOOOOOO I’VE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU FOR YEARS AND NOW IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING, WOOOOOO. Flair: “Now I’m gonna give you a fourteen-time spankin’ that your daddy should have given you a long time ago.” EWWWWWW, gross. Ric advances on her before the camera cuts away. That's, um, uncomfortable. Goldberg’s still marching around backstage and, hey, the ICP is still in the company! Goldberg asks them where Sid is, and when they don’t have a good answer, he beats the hell out of them and keeps walking. Larry Z. interviews The Total Package (I’m settling on this capitalization as, unlike the Giant, who was often called just “Giant,” it seems like WCW is insistent on calling Luger THE Total Package every time. I’m sure this will change eventually, but you know what, we’ll just go with The Total Package and TTP). Anyway, I guess TTP is supposed to face Goldberg later tonight, and he is visibly shook about the mood that Goldberg is in. He’s actually pretty funny, saying that even though Goldberg beat up some clowns, Goldberg can beat up all of Barnum and Bailey if he wants because he’s “The Total Package…r-right, Liz?!” Hilarious. Liz tries to gas him up, but it only partially works. Luger trying to talk himself into being courageous is excellent. Nice little interview segment. Luger is underrated as a talker, IMO. We get a split screen of Mona and Madusa prepping for their match. Mona checks herself out in the mirror. My T-levels are still healthy, just in case you wanted to know. (I know that you almost certainly didn’t want to know this. Sorry.) David Flair somberly walks to the ring to wrestle, or at least to do something that passes for pro wrestling. He’s facing Billy Kidman (w/Torrie Wilson). Torrie’s wearing a robe and is probably going to do a big reveal, but don’t worry if she does; I won’t have to report on my T-levels spiking. Kidman and Torrie smooch before the match, and if the term “cuck” had been widely in popular use in the U.S. at this time, I think we know what these degenerates from Philly would be chanting about now. Dave charges Kidman and basically gets his ass kicked. Wait, hold up, he does a TERRIBLE corner charge splash shoulder check thing in there. Oh my gosh, Kidman is selling for Dave’s shitty offense; David even gets two on a floatover vertical suplex. After that flurry, Kidman goes back to kicking his ass. Kidman comes and talks to Torrie, so Dave sneaks up and DDTs him. Torrie gets on the apron and partially disrobes, but David freaks out and covers her up, then turns around into a Sky High and a gnarly SSP because Kidman slams him right in his jaw with a knee, yuck. Poor David; I know that hurt like absolute hell. The rest of the Filthy Animals rush down to the ring and destroy the corpse of David Flair while Torrie laughs. Hall and Nash continue searching for Goldberg backstage. They run into Gene Okerlund and ask if Okerlund’s seen the guy. Okerlund points them in a direction. Okerlund: “I saw him down there, *points*” Hall, realizing that Gene has put the ball on a tee for him: “Down WHERE?!” Okerlund realized that he walked right into that one, and it was pretty funny. Ric Flair shows up to the arena and walks through the backstage area. No word on the fate of Kimberly. Madusa and Mona face off in this absurd Evening Gown Match. Tony S. is like, Welp, you can tell that we have new leadership. Madusa does not come out here in an evening gown, and Mona seems irritated about that. Heenan: DON’T CLIMB THE TOP ROPE, START RIPPIN’. I blame ECW for this, indirectly. Madusa does a good job of working like she’s irritated that she has to be here, though! It’s actually a decent match, and in no small part because of her. Well, for as long as it goes, at least. There’s a ref bump two minutes in, so Madusa crabs a chair, whacks Mona with it, then goes over to jaw at the commentary team. Mona dives onto her and rips Madusa’s dress off, then leaves. I guess this is the Turner S&P version of an Evening Gown Match? Madusa grabs a mic and tells Philly to kiss her ass for thinking that she would happily do this nonsense, which actually got a small pop since Philadelphians appreciate rudeness and shit-talking. Sting walks around backstage with a bottle of water and the big gold belt. I guess that match is maybe next. Here comes the Hitman down the hallway, and yes, that match is next. Alright, let’s do this. I have no idea what happens with the world title except that Randy Savage has one more mini-reign and must lose it to either Flair or Hogan in short order. I also know that Savage is done by the end of November of 1999 and it’s mid-October of 1999, so there must be multiple title changes coming up in the next handful of weeks that I don’t know anything about. Bret Hart is down first, followed by Sting. Bret opens with a series of punches, then dumps Sting to the floor so we can have a quick little obligabrawl. It’s a higher quality version of the typical obligabrawl because Bret is an underrated brawler. Back in the ring, the Hitman continues to steamroll Sting, landing a headbutt to the abdomen and raking Sting’s eyes across the top rope. Choke, kick, punch for the Hitman, though Sting is able to get a couple of eye rakes in to turn the tide. We go back outside, where Sting chokes Bret with a TV cable and does a little obligabrawling of his own. Sting tries a Vader Bomb, but Bret gets his knees up and resumes offensive control of the match, including a nice DDT for two. The Hitman lands a swinging neckbreaker and a legdrop for another two count. Remember almost a year ago when they had a shitty match at Havoc ’98? This isn’t entirely a make-good for that, but it’s much better than what we got last year. Sting manages to reverse a corner whip and goes to work, landing a Stinger Splash and a few boots before Nick Patrick backs him off for a bit. He comes back in and boot chokes Bret, then rolls outside, grabs Bret’s legs, and crotches him on the ringpost a couple of times. Back in the ring, Sting locks on a sleeper as a LET’S GO BRET chant starts because we’re in the Northeastern United States. Bret works his way back to sitting, then kneeling, and then finally standing as he punches his way out of the hold and bounces off the ropes…into a kneelift. Sting hits an elbow and OWWWWWWs, then drops a leg and scores two. Sting tries a chinlock as Bret pulls at Sting’s hair and tries to find a way out. He gets back to his feet, backs Sting into the corner, and hits a gut shot, but Sting quickly rakes the eyes, lands a punch of his own, and lands an inverted atomic drop for two. This has been a pretty good match so far. Sting shoots the Hitman in, but Hart stops short on a Sting dropkick attempt and drops a few elbows, then tries to shoot Sting into the corner again and actually manages it. He brings Sting out, lands a headbutt (that Tony S. is surprised that he used, for some reason, as he fairly regularly uses headbutts), and sticks Sting with a piledriver for about 2.5. Bret teases a Sharpshooter, but instead stomps Sting in the solar plexus, then picks Sting up only to drop him with a short right. Hart continues to land rights, and after the last one that knocks Sting back down, he locks on a Sharpshooter, but Sting is able to just barely reach the ropes. Sting sells a knee injury as Bret goes back to the attack, targeting Sting’s lower back with strikes and butts. Hart lands a backbreaker for two, but Sting reaches up and rakes Bret’s eyes to break the pinfall attempt. This gives Sing some room, and he hobbles around before trying a vertical suplex; Sting’s back gives out, and Bret falls on top of him for 2.7. Sting needs to slow things down and take time to breathe for a bit, so he goes for another sleeper, but Bret immediately hits a back suplex to escape it. Sting is up first, which screams that Bret is playing possum, and sure enough, Sting leaps from the top and dives into knees. Bret takes over as Elizabeth comes to ringside. The Hitman lands a second-rope elbow for two, and now here comes The Total Package with the bat. Liz draws Patrick’s attention as Bret cuts off TTP. He’s able to fight both guys off for a bit, but Luger swings the bat and drills Bret in the ankle; Sting locks on the Scorpion Death Lock and Bret taps even before Sting really sinks it in. Sure, this had the typical run-in finish for WCW, but that was genuinely a quite good match. I still think they have even better in them, but I’m glad to finally be able to put a Bret/Sting match on one of my good lists. Ric chastises his dopey son backstage. Dave: “Kidman beat me up!” Ric: “WHAAAAT?!?!?” Hilarious. It’s legitimately good to see that Dave is coherent after taking a knee to the side of his face. Anyway, Ric freaks out about the Filthy Animals attacking Dave. Hall and Nash walk around backstage as we go into a break. We come back to Hall and Nash having stolen the Villanos’s masks. Nash says that they need to disguise themselves by speaking Spanish, so Hall yells for SEÑOR GOLDBERG. Nash is feeling woozy from his illness, though, so he gets a little nauseous and Hall has to come back and check on him. La Parka is settling his mini-feud with Buff Bagwell next. Well, “settling” is a loose term for what happens: Buff’s going to lay down for Parka. Buff walks down, upset, and lays down for Parka, then gets up and asks into the camera: HEY RUSSO, DID I DO A GOOD “JOB” FOR YOU?! Oh yeah, this is some true garbage. What I love is that Buff is kayfabe better at wrestling and totally outclasses Parka, which indicates that this match is real, but Buff’s been booked to lose, which indicates that this match is not real. In other words, there is zero consistency in how this match is being presented, thereby making it impossible to suspend disbelief because most of my time is spent thinking about whether or not I was supposed to think this match was a shoot or a work and the rest of the time thinking about how La Parka deserves better than this. It’s our first Dirt Worst moment in the Russo era! That didn’t take long (note: I don’t count the Seven promo as that was set in motion before Russo was fully in charge). Bonus: We see a shot of a bunch of midcarders in the back laughing at Buff taking the L (since, you know, he avoided jobbing twice in two PPVs against midcarders Ernest Miller and Berlyn, which you’d only know if you were one of the eight percent of viewers who actually followed that stuff online). Then, Jeff Jarrett randomly runs in and bashes Buff over the head with a guitar. Jarrett grabs a microphone and basically says that he’s got the stroke, then grabs his junk. So yeah. That happened. Jarrett walks down the aisle yelling YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT STROKE, BITCH?! The replay of this segment is sponsored by the USAF, which is hilarious to me for some reason. I mean, yeah, you’d want to target these wrestling shows with ads if you wanted a batch of aimless young men who need structure and purpose in their life to help you feed the industrial-military complex and protect your country’s hegemony, wouldn’t you? But also, Jarrett yelling YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT STROKE, BITCH right before the USAF logo and tagline come up is hilarious to me. Doug Dellinger and security cut Hall and Nash off at the pass. Hall pretends he doesn’t speak English, and we get a discretion shot so that we don’t see Nash vomit on Doug Dellinger, even though Hall was allowed to vomit on people in full view of the camera last year. Saturn vs. Chavo vs. Eddy is next up. Shane Douglas joins commentary. A light E-C-W chant starts up and dies out quickly. Chavo and Eddy shake hands while Douglas rants on commentary about the revolution, etc., etc. Chavo immediately betrays Eddy by rolling him up as he goes after Saturn. Saturn attacks both men in what Tony S. says is an elimination triple threat. Benoit and Malenko are over in Japan right now, and Douglas says they’ll use that time to get their heads straight and rejoin him. Meanwhile, this is a triple threat match and, while every guy in this thing rules, it’s not as good as it would be if we just had these guys wrestle a round robin series of singles matches. Shane yells, “Look at these brothers going at it!” about Chavo and Eddy, but they’re uncle and nephew, you dunce. Anyway, this match is as good as it can be for a triple threat, but at some point, Chavo figures out that if it’s elimination, he should stand outside the ring and wait for one guy to finish the other. Yes that’s logical. The crowd is silent for these fellas except for one guy yelling BO-RING, which is just wrong for a match involving these three, but also, I kinda get where he’s coming from. We get a three-way obligabrawl outside the ring. Back in the ring, we get more wrestling with a lot of spoiled two counts, then a tower suplex spot that is contrived, but that looks nasty. I thought that Saturn might have legit jammed his neck, but he looks okay. The Filthy Animals flood the ringside area. Konnan gets in Douglas’s face at the desk, and Douglas, who has a sling on for a legit bicep injury, grabs a chair anyway; Kidman takes it away. Saturn sees the issue at ringside and dives at Kidman, who holds up the chair as Saturn smashes into it. This is the bad kind of busy, unfortunately. Anyway, the first pinfall comes when Chavo lands a vertical suplex on Saturn and Eddy sneaks a Frog Splash for the pinfall. Eddy gets up from that and turns right into a Chavo springboard DDT for three. The rest of the Animals jump in the ring and stomp Chavo out, but he escapes. This was a bit much, y’know? Goldberg pumps up for his match with TTP; TTP pumps up for his match with Goldberg. Horace Hogan brings a trash can to the ring as Tony S. says that hardcore matches are RETURNING TO WCW, and technically, yes, WCW President Ric Flair banned them, but also technically, Brian Knobbs has been bringing plundah to the ring every week since then and using it on his opponents. Anyway, Horace’s opponent is Norman Smiley, who should be donning a football helmet and screaming a whole lot sometime soon, if I’m correct. What a waste of this guy. Horace jumps Smiley in the aisle, who desperately tries to dodge weapon shots and, yep, screams in fear after taking the trash can to the dome. Again, the good thing about Vince Russo is that he has something for everyone to do, and I value that after weeks of the WCW midcard being destroyed via inconsistent booking and a lack of attention. The bad thing, though, is that Russo has a bunch of dumb ideas for a lot of these midcarders. Horace kills Screamin’ Lord Sutch Norman Smiley until Smiley reverses a whip into the stairs, then takes the stairs, gets on top of them, and preps a Big Wiggle (to a pop) before Horace gets up and forearms him in the balls. This is dull, and a couple folks in the crowd are vocal about how bored they are. They don’t even get up for Horace putting a table in the ring. Horace tries a chair shot, but Smiley moves and the chair rebounds into Horace’s head. Norman leans against the table tiredly, and Horace tries a spear, but Norman moves again. Smiley checks the totally out Horace, then cautiously covers for the three and the victory. I actually don’t hate the idea of a wrestler who is not fit for hardcore matches freaking out about being in the division – it’s the old Mikey Whipwreck gimmick in ECW, basically – but Smiley doesn’t strike me as the best guy for this role. Then again, he is a funny dude, so maybe I just want to see him in wrestling classics when he’s better off doing this gimmick in the late ‘90s/early ‘00s American wrestling scene. Ric Flair storms out to talk. He makes a hockey reference that I don’t get. I always forget this guy is originally from Minnesota and would quite naturally have picked up an affinity for ice hockey in his youth. Flair claims to have banged Kimberly, but his buzz from that encounter has been harshed by coming to the arena and learning that the Filthy Animals kicked the shit out of his kid. He yells a lot. It’s boilerplate late-era Flair. He challenges the whole group of dudes to come down and fight him. They answer his call and kick the crap out of him. So, are the Animals heels, or like what? Dopey Dave runs down and immediately gets stomped out as Misterio lands a Bronco Buster on Ric. See, this is, from a wide view, a credit to Russo et al. He’s pushing a group full of young midcarders who can wrestle and also Konnan. Hahahaha, they robbed Ric after taking him out, HAHAHAHA! OK, the Animals are babyfaces in my book for stomping a dude out and then casually stripping him of his valuables. That is tremendous. The Total Package knocks on the door of the ladies locker room for Liz, then yells that he’s coming in, so everybody needs to cover up. He finds a KO’d Liz, face down on the ground, and calls for help. Goldberg walks out here, the faint implication being that he possibly was the one to beat the hell out of Liz (Tony S.: “We’ve never seen Goldberg in this state of mind”). Also, there are those false rape charges Liz tried to level at him, if you want to think back ten months to pile suspicion on Goldberg getting some revenge, though I’d rather we didn’t mention that again on camera. TTP and Goldberg meet each other in the aisle and brawl. They make it back to the ring, where Package gets some control before Goldberg no-sells a vertical suplex and kicks TTP in the side of the head. Goldberg short-arm clotheslines Package so casually, man, he looks like such a beast. Goldberg tries a spear, but Package moves and Goldberg dives into the buckles. Package gets some control, but as usual, Goldberg endures it and comes back, and of course, there’s a ref bump. Here come Hall and Nash, wobbling around at the top of the ramp and crushing NyQuil. They goof around up there while Sting runs down with the baseball bat and pops Goldberg with it. Bret Hart hobbles to ringside and attacks Sting, takes the bat, and slams it into his gut, then swings for the fences; Sting ducks, and it breaks against the post. The Hitman puts Sting in the ring and locks on a Sharpshooter, but TTP attacks him from behind and racks him. Goldberg gets back in the ring, spears Luger, and Jackhammers him for three. Goldberg and the Hitman shake hands, which is a nice moment in time that should be snapshotted because it won’t last! Russo’s warmin’ up! We haven’t slid into complete incoherence yet, mostly because Russo hasn’t fully put his hooks into this show, so we got a mélange of Russo/Ferrara nonsense and consistent story stuff. It’ll get worse because Russo always starts out strong, but can’t follow up on an idea properly to save his life. Still, this was at least pretty watchable and mostly engaging. Also, is it strange that Hulk Hogan wasn't on the go-home Nitro for a PPV that he's main eventing? I hope Russo started dicking that guy around immediately. 2.75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 Is Madusa sporting the uncomfortably large implants yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiztor Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 i'm baffled by the Kimberly bit. i have no recollection if this goes anywhere. Assuming it doesn't, what was the point in any of that? Why David Flair? What was her plan for him? Why was Ric there? How did Kimberly react? and i will concede the New Year's Evil point. i also have no recollection of that. Now i kind of hope it happens. But then, i always did like themed shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caley Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 I'v been flipping through Jericho's book again and laughed really hard at the part where Jericho goes back on his word and tells Bischoff he's not re-signing (Right after the Goldberg angle gets kiboshed) and after initially cursing him out and promising to make life hard on Jericho, Bischoff decides on a different tact and starts being nice to Jericho and gets others to ask him to reconsider, including DDP, Kevin Nash and...Jason Hervey...which of course reminded me of this thread! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 Thunder Interlude – show number eighty-four – 21 October 1999 "The WCW Gang, especially the midcard, sure hopes that the new showrunners pay a bit more attention to Thunder" We’re Thundering right into another Halloween Havoc show… This is taped as hell, so expect this show to ignore most of what went on during the previous Nitro… Hey, it’s Scott Hudson at the desk rather than Mike Tenay…He’s joined by Larry Z….Hudson plays off the lack of Larry chants by saying they happened right before the cameras cut on…Suuuuuuuure… The Maestro opens the show against Norman Smiley in a HOT CRUISERWE—no, this lame joke of mine has long had zero juice in it…They do a bit of chain wrestling to start…It’s pretty solid, actually…Smiley dodges a monkey flip and dances a bit…They get their spacing all wrong on a rope run…Larry Z. protests Norm’s suggested pronunciation of his last name, then teaches everyone at home how to say his own last name like a Polish person would…That was interesting, actually…It may have been more interesting than this match honestly…Swinging slam, Big Wiggle, obligabrawl…Smiley counters a reverse DDT attempt into a Norman Conquest back in the ring for the win…That was sub-average… Hype video: Disco Inferno vs. Lash LeRoux… Dale Torborg looks like a doofus…I guess he’s calling himself MVP, but no, there is only one MVP in pro wrestling as far as I’m concerned, and I doubt Torborg’s going by the first name “Montel” in kayfabe right now…Horace Hogan is his opponent…Horace always tries his best, which I appreciate…This is the second straight match with an obligabrawl…Like, how many whips into the stairs and guardrail can one show contain?...Even though Horace works hard, he’s not good enough to walk Torborg through something good…It’s acceptable, I guess is the most that I can say about it…Torborg stinks, though...That’s very clear in his work…Horace does hit a nice release German, then lands his H-Bomb Samoan Drop for three…His Samoan Drop sucks, so maybe he should just do the release German as a credible finish… Hype video/recap: DDP and Ric Flair are having a mediocre feud… Curly Bill comes out to that accursed “Rap is Cr*p” tune…Boy, did they give up on this Thunder…They have so much talent, and I just don’t understand why they haven’t been trying with this show…I almost invite Russo to run this show...I expect that he'll at least put some storylines out on Thunder and give more viable, popular midcarders some burn…It was cool when Thunder at least booked multiple decent wrestling matches each show, but they’ve stopped doing that lately…Anyway, Lash LeRoux faces Bill…Honestly, Bill hits a nice short clothesline and flip arm drag in there…Hey look, it’s obligabrawl number THREE… Hahahahaha, Hudson says that Disco’s somewhere watching and laughing as “Vincent” does a job on Lash, and the captioning corrects Hudson in a sense by writing “Vincent” not as "Curly Bill," but as “Virgil”…Poor Curly Bill, he’s getting the old Lex Luger/The Total Package name forgetting treatment…Bill takes WAY the fuck too much of this match…WAYYYYYYY the fuck too much…Holy crap…He gets a solid seventy percent of the offense in, at least…Lash finally makes a nice comeback, but Virgil blocks a Whiplash and hits an armbreaker…What the fuck?...Who laid this match out, anyway?...Lash finally avoids a corner charge and lands a Whiplash for three… Recap: The tag titles are still being booked incoherently, just in case you were wondering… We cut straight to Harlem Heat already in the ring since they had the tag belts during their entrance when this was originally shot…Their opponents are the Royalists (w/Fit Finlay)…That’s not their official name, but that’s the name I’ve decided is appropriate for them…Booker and Regal have an opening that’s solid…This turns into an acceptable tag match in which the best parts are Booker hitting explosive offense, per the usual…Like, Booker tags in and explodes with a Houston Side Kick that levels Taylor…Finlay cheats from the outside to put Booker in trouble…Booker lands a Book End to try and end that FIP segment, but Finlay yanks Stevie off the apron…Booker next scores an axe kick and this time makes the hot tag…Stevie cleans house, and before he and Booker can finish things off, the First Family runs in…Stevie and Booker have no issue clearing them out as the ref calls for a DQ… Hype video: Sid is a dangerous man… More hypin’: Sid vs. Goldberg… Even more hypin’: Goldberg is beyond dangerous… Do you like hypin’?: Brad Armstrong and Berlyn are feuding, and it stinks… Yuck, now I have to sit through a Kendall Windham (w/Curly Bill) match?...This Thunder is cursed…Brad Armstrong comes out here to win this thing…No offense to Brad, but he is a solid worker who shouldn’t ever be allowed to talk and who has little utility in extended feuds in 1999…Let’s move this along…This has all the Brad Armstrong arm drags and dropkicks that your little hearts could ever desire…They’re crisp!...It also has Kendall Windham and Curly Bill…So there’s that…Bill distracts Armstrong and causes him some trouble…After a long and boring bit of Windham control, Armstrong comes back before another Bill distraction leads to a Windham low blow…There’s a frickin’ REF BUMP in this match for some reason…Bill whiffs on a boot shot and hits Kendall…BA lands a floatover side Russian on Kendall after dispatching Bill…Again, did we need a ref bump for a guy who you’re trying to build as a threat to Berlyn to beat a couple of WTR members?!... Silver King and Juventud Guerrera are a fun makeshift tag team, as are Kaz Hayashi and Blitzkrieg, but I sure wish someone cared about the cruisers…No wonder everyone was trying to get out of cruiserweight division jail according to Bischoff…Look what it got everyone who was pigeonholed into it…One thing I love about death’s door WCW is that as I recall, it restored the feeling for the cruiserweight division…Blitz does a complex roll-through for a two count after leaping onto Silver King’s shoulders, so the next time Blitz tries to leap, King presses him into the rafters… Juvi and Kaz tag in…Juvi bows, but Kaz shoves him in the forehead and shows him how to properly bow...Juvi kicks him in response…They chop the hell out of each other…Look at all this talent in the ring…They should have actually opened the show with this match…Kaz and King trade kicks before Kaz tags in Blitz, who lands a spinebuster on King and then hooks on a Camel Clutch so that Kaz can get a free kick to King’s face… This match is full of counters, but it feels generally structured even though tags are optional…I think the issue with tags being sorta optional is that it makes the actual hot tag spot less effective…King gets a hot tag to Juvi, who dives onto both his opponents…Blitz ends Juvi’s hot streak with a spinning enziguri…We get a commercial break as Juvi now endures a beating…Back from break, Juvi is the FIP even though Kaz and Blitz have been the babyfaces on television as of late…Kaz spits in Juvi’s face for that earlier mock bow, I’d suppose…Kaz and Blitz hit a combo backbreaker/springboard guillotine legdrop for only two…See, that should be a team finisher in my opinion…The thing I like nearly the least about this style of wrestling is that killer double-team moves always look like they should get three, but only get two… Juvi is in jail, basically…Even when he dodges one opponent attack, the other one gets him…Juvi’s finally able to finagle a double bulldog and get the hot tag to Silver King…King enters the ring with a double dropkick, but his run is quickly stopped by a Blitz arm drag…Blitz and King struggle over moves until Juvi just decides to springboard crossbody into the ring and, uh, get a pinfall attempt on Blitz?...See, why have hot tags if you’re going to just do that?...Kaz hits a WILD moonsault onto Juvi against the guardrail that the camera barely sees…He gets back in the ring to save Blitz from a Silver King moonsault…Eventually, Blitz and Silver King end up tumbling out of the ring, and Juvi manages a Juvi Driver on Kaz for three…The crowd on the hard cam side got into that match by the end…Again, if you’re not going to care about Thunder, at least put workers on the show who are good and will also bust their asses… Recap: On the previous Nitro, Buff Bagwell apparently works a work until he works himself into a shoot because he forgot a work's a work like some kind of jabroni mark…Or something like that... Well, after a fun match, it’s back to the trash heap…Rick Steiner insists on talking before he does some boring offense to some chump…Poor La Parka is the chump…What did he do to deserve being treated like he has been the past couple of weeks?...It’s another boring Rick Steiner squash…It’s obligabrawl number four…Apparently, we’re getting a Rick Steiner/Chris Benoit return match for the TV title at Havoc…Urgh…Steiner lands a diving bulldog for three… Recap: Chris Benoit has off-and-on feuded with Rick Steiner…The results have been an artistic disaster…And it ain’t Benoit’s fault… Hype video: Sting and Hogan are feuding, and no, it’s not more interesting with Sting as the heel…It’s 1999, not 1996, 1997, or even early 1998…Sting vs. Hogan has zero burn… Recap of recaps: Tag titles, Buff Bagwell laying down and getting bashed in the head by Jeff Jarrett, Sid vs. Goldberg…We just saw all this earlier in the show!...Well, all this except for Goldberg bashing up the ICP…Kimberly tries to seduce David Flair, but ends up having to fend off the advances of Ric…The Outsiders get into some fuckery…It’s a best of the previous Nitro package, basically…All the big angles are covered here… The Total Package faces Buff Bagwell in the Thunder main event…Glad to see Liz survived that attack on Monday *snerk*…Buff Bagwell is already in the ring…Unlike on Monday, he seems to be energized to wrestle…Huh, you’d almost think that this show happened before Russo and Ferrara took control of the booking committee…Buff explodes with some acceptable offense…He’s mostly doing mediocre punch-kick…TTP escapes the ring to get room a couple of times, but Buff follows him each time…Liz cuts Buff’s control of an obligabrawl short by shoving Buff from behind and drawing his attention…TTP takes the opportunity to jump Buff…TTP bashes Buff around ringside, then does a lot of punch-kick-choke back in the ring…This match is only seven minutes long, but it feels longer…I like Luger quite a bit, but at this point in his career, he needs to match with a good worker to produce a good singles match in any situation…TTP runs into a boot on a corner charge, eats a trio of weak clotheslines, and is saved from a Blockbuster by Liz tripping Buff while he’s up top…TTP lands a powerslam and hooks Buff in a Torture Rack for the win…Yeahhhhh, let’s keep jobbing babyface Buff…I like that a lot…I didn't like this match, though, as it stunk… One good tag match does not a quality television show make…OWWWW… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 9 hours ago, zendragon said: Is Madusa sporting the uncomfortably large implants yet? Since she came back as part of Team Madness, yes. She's rivaling Jacquelyn for the most near-exposures on WCW television, Nitro Era. 5 hours ago, twiztor said: i'm baffled by the Kimberly bit. i have no recollection if this goes anywhere. Assuming it doesn't, what was the point in any of that? Why David Flair? What was her plan for him? Why was Ric there? How did Kimberly react? Well, Kimberly was going to drug David's glass of champagne that she poured for him, but was stopped when Ric emerged from the bathroom. I assume that she and DDP were going to kidnap him or something? I assume David finally was able to spot a honey pot and give the key to his dad off-camera; he had a match against Kidman anyway, and he would have wanted to stay at the arena to try and beat him and win Torrie back. Kimberly reacted with disgust, as any woman would if Ric Flair popped into their hotel room without their foreknowledge (or even with it, maybe, by 1999). Flair advanced on her, but we didn't see Kimberly again on the show, and Ric showed back up to the arena in a good mood, so the implication is that he sexually assaulted Kim, I think (and since he's the babyface and she's the heel, who cares what Ric does to her anyway, is the logic there). Which is a very Russo implication/logical connection to make! Quote and i will concede the New Year's Evil point. i also have no recollection of that. Now i kind of hope it happens. But then, i always did like themed shows. Hell, I have no recollection of it. I'm just reporting what Tony S. says every week when this sweepstakes is promoted. I put it at 50/50 that the last Nitro of the year actually has the New Year's Evil branding or whatever. 5 hours ago, caley said: I'v been flipping through Jericho's book again and laughed really hard at the part where Jericho goes back on his word and tells Bischoff he's not re-signing (Right after the Goldberg angle gets kiboshed) and after initially cursing him out and promising to make life hard on Jericho, Bischoff decides on a different tact and starts being nice to Jericho and gets others to ask him to reconsider, including DDP, Kevin Nash and...Jason Hervey...which of course reminded me of this thread! I don't get why Bischoff would try to retain Jericho when it's clear that there's a hard ceiling on how much he'd be willing to push the guy. It makes me think that sending Jason Hervey to talk to Jericho was actually because he wanted to get Jericho off his payroll subconsciously. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caley Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 7 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: I don't get why Bischoff would try to retain Jericho when it's clear that there's a hard ceiling on how much he'd be willing to push the guy. It makes me think that sending Jason Hervey to talk to Jericho was actually because he wanted to get Jericho off his payroll subconscioublockquote It's either A) He just wants to keep boarding wrestlers or B) He's a TERRIBLE negotiator. By the time Jericho signs with WWF (for a $450,000 downside), Bischoffs offer to Jericho is over double that! But also when Jericho first negotiated with Bischoff he asked for $100k annually and Bischoff countered with $130k, then said he wanted Jericho to move to Atlanta so he'd thrown in an extra $40k to cover that. That's just about the worst negotiating I've ever heard especially because at that point Jericho was just a good-looking athletic guy with basically no promo ability. WWF didn't even want him so Bischoff was negotiating against nobody and still have him $70,000 more than he was asking for! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 (edited) Quote Dale Torborg looks like a doofus…I guess he’s calling himself MVP, but no, there is only one MVP in pro wrestling as far as I’m concerned Chris Kanyon, Alliance MVP Edited August 20 by Spaceman Spiff 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 Halloween Havoc ’99 notes: It’s our last PPV not run totally by Russo and Ferrara for, um, two or three months, right? Is Souled Out 2000 a Russo-Ferrara joint? He’s gone right before or right after that because the Radicalz leave the company immediately after that show. If Bill Busch was the guy who just let Eddy Guerrero and Chris Benoit leave the company (and Saturn and Malenko to a lesser degree as they were WCW stalwarts that the crowds appreciated), he must have been trying to diminish WCW so much that Turner could easily drown it in a bathtub. Breaking news, as we hear from Tony S. to start the show – Rey Misterio Jr. has yet another leg injury [Editor's note: Almost certainly kayfabe], and GET THIS, The Powers that Be (as Tony S. calls them) don’t just let the Filthy Animals Freebird Rule the belts, which would make sense, has a lengthy precedent in pro wrestling, and would keep some continuity when it comes to the titles. No, they strip them of the belts and put them up in a triple tag threat match later tonight. At least it’s a no-tag, pinfalls count anywhere match. For some reason, Konnan and Kidman are tagging up in this match even though they could just Free—no, never mind. Fuck it. Anyway, I just need to let in the chaos. I need to embrace the nonsense. Disco Inferno opens the show defending his WCW Cruiserweight Championship against Lash LeRoux. Disco jumps Lash right after the bell and tries to quickly stomp the young Cajun out. LeRoux came down with beads around his neck, and I’m shocked that he didn’t offer to some young lady at ringside since a) Russo is in charge and b) we’re on PPV. Some doofus on the hard cam side is holding a WHAT – NO PUPPIES? sign, so at least one guy is thirsty as fuck and probably hoping for it. LeRoux makes a comeback and hits his splits/punch combo, the Bourbon Street Blues as he calls it, for two. That’s a good signature move, especially for this era. Disco tries to come back before LeRoux steps aside on a rope run and tosses Disco over the top rope; he follows Disco outside shortly after. Obligabrawl Count: #1. I want to pause for a second and define what I consider to be an obligabrawl. First, it’s got to come in a match that is not presented as a hardcore or Falls Count Anywhere match or anything like that, where you’d expect people to have at least some semi-extended outside brawling. Second, it’s got to be at least two or three moves full, especially if the ol' whip into the rail or stairs move is involved. Whipping a guy into one of those ringside objects here in WCW is a sure sign that the wrestlers went outside just because that’s the thing to do as part of the late ‘90s WCW house style. Third, there can be good and bad obligabralws; Sting and DDP doing fun sequences up and down the ramp is much better than Kendall Windham tossing Silver King to the floor, hitting him a couple times, and bashing him into the stairs, y’know? I’d watch Raven participate in obligabrawls all day, but most of these WCW wrestlers are not Raven. Back in the ring, Disco tries a double axe from the top, but leaps into a counter suplex for two. Lash goes up next and badly botches a diving Frankensteiner from the top rope. Lash is like a Cajun Chris Jericho, doing stuff that he barely has the athleticism for (or straight up doesn’t have the athleticism for). Lash gets two off that move, then goes to a chinlock that doesn’t work. Disco works to his feet and ends up hitting a lariat for two. Disco tries to toss Lash to the floor, but Lash manages to skin the cat, like he’s a certain Shawn Michaels-loving guy with questionable athleticism, and then charges at Disco. Disco tries a Chartbuster, but Lash shoves Disco out of it and hits a backbreaker. Lash looks for a Whiplash, but Disco fights out of it, and when Lash tries to run with him in the corner, Disco dumps him on his face, then hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Next, Disco whips Lash into the corner chest first and lands a side Russian as Lash rebounds, then lands a dancing second-rope elbow for two more. Disco shoots Lash in, and though Lash reverses it, Disco lands an elbow to the gut and drills a piledriver for yet another two count. Disco, frustrated, yells WHY DON’T YOU STAY DOWN and charges Lash, who lands a sit-out powerbomb for two. They have an awkward sequence running the ropes, but Disco manages to land an inverted atomic drop and a Chartbuster for three. That wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t a complete horror show. Lash isn’t showing much as a talent at this point, though he’s very young and very inexperienced, I think only one or two years into wrestling at all. After the match, Lash attacks Disco and hits a Whiplash onto Disco’s Cruiserweight belt to a pop. Tony S. has not been informed as to what Lash’s finisher is, as he thought it was the powerbomb, but he didn’t recognize the Whiplash when LeRoux dropped it just then. I guess that’s similar to what he said earlier about Lash’s background info, though: “Only Tenay cares about these sort of things.” I like Tony S. a lot, but he really undercuts these young guys by openly not doing the research on them. On a pre-taped segment, Saturn meets Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit when they arrive at the show. Saturn’s like, What the hell, fellas, you’ve been out of contact for two weeks, we need to get together and plan some revolutionary shit, and Malenko responds that Saturn can stick the Revolution up his ass; Benoit tells him to relay that same message from them to Shane Douglas. Mike Tenay interviews Harlem Heat backstage; they cut a boilerplate We’re gonna win the titles promo. The First Family (w/Jimmy Hart) comes out wearing monster masks; Hart also rolls out a bin fulla plunder. They face Harlem Heat and The Filthy Animals (Konnan and Billy Kidman, in this configuration). Rey Misterio Jr.’s style is crazy unsustainable. He still wrestles in 2024, right? And he’s fifty or thereabouts? How do his knees even work? Did he get, like, cyborg implants? Kidman and Konnan come out wearing the tag belts; Kidman has a camcorder with him, which I’m sure will lead to some GTV knockoff segments, except done “right” now that Vince McMahon of all people isn’t in the room to tone things down. Kidman stashes his camcorder on the commentary desk, and they make such a point of highlighting it that it’s got to be a Chekhov’s Gun, right? [Editor's note: Not really, unless taken in conjunction with a certain gold watch that makes its appearance later in the show.] Anyway, I always demand that these matches are tornado tags, and we finally get one…and I don’t care about it. Look, Kidman’s a pretty good worker and Booker is very good in my opinion, but the rest of these dudes stink. Sorry, Stevie. I love you and all. There are just a bunch of weapons shots and mediocre brawling with a few Jimmy Hart misdirection spots in there. I do like that they have two refs out here, one outside the ring and one inside the ring. Hart lures Booker all the way down the aisle so that Knobbs can toss a half-full trash can at him; Stevie joins Booker and tosses Knobbs around the graveyard set design. That’s pretty fun! One thing I typically dig about WCW PPVs is when they have these elaborate set designs that wrestlers use in their hardcore brawls. Booker and Stevie mistime a Houston Side Kick team-up and Booker kicks Stevie; this goes on backstage while Hart helps Morrus set a table up. Morrus lands a No Laughing Matter on Konnan through the table in the ring. Backstage, Stevie Ray front slams a fucking style mannequin onto Knobbs and then covers for three as Slick Johnson counts; we miss what happens after Morrus hits the No Laughing Matter, but we hear a three count in the ring from the other ref, and when we come back, Morrus is down and Kidman is wielding a trash can lid. What an overbooked mess this is. Peak WCW, man. They never get finishes right. The crowd is iffy about the decision that Harlem Heat are the winners, which Harlem Heat certainly are as they got the three count about thirty seconds before the Filthy Animals did…though they did it outside of the crowd’s vision, since they're apparently not running the backstage action on the big screens out here. The crowd buzz is basically like What the fuck, why did Harlem Heat win when we saw Kidman score a pinfall? What a stupid finish if they’re not running it on a screen (or even if they are, as the crowd is naturally going to be drawn to the action in front of them). Also, Konnan maybe shoot separated his shoulder while taking the No Laughing Matter through the table. He’s holding it like he’s hurt and a trainer is checking him out. Oh man, what a stupid-ass match. Rey and Torrie come out here and mean mug Booker. Hahaha, this is the Dirt Worst because of the booking, the dangerous spots that might have shoot hurt a second Filthy Animal member, just all of it except for the Harlem Heat attack in the Havoc set's graveyard. Pre-tape, maybe?: The Flairs (Ric and Dave) storm into the building; Ric’s holding a crowbar. Now that crowbar is DEFINITELY a Chekhov's Gun. Diamond Dallas Page’s theme hits; he and Kimberly walk to the ring. Kimberly has a mic and accuses Ric of sexually assaulting her by smacking her ass once for each time that he’s been champ back in her hotel room, which the crowd *sigh* WOOOOOOs for. Kimberly says that Ric doesn’t have the stamina for sex that DDP does, basically. I don’t want to hear this, please stop. Russo and his ideas about sex are really the worst thing regarding his run, I already know. And I guess probably his ideas about women, but those are pretty much tied to his ideas about sex. Page insults Ric for only “spankin’ it” when he was in the room with Kimberly, then unveils a strap around his waist and says, and I QUOTE: “Let’s whack it, let’s jack it all night long.” I think what he’s saying is that his match tonight with Ric is now a Strap Match. He also could be saying that he wants to enjoy a mutual masturbation session with Ric to get his release. Either is possible considering who’s in charge of creative. DIRT WORST. Has Vince Russo ever had sex before? Serious question. He runs his wrestling shows like a horny twelve-year-old boy, though that’s an insult to myself, as I wasn’t this puerile when I was twelve. Goldberg storms into the arena and demands to know the location of Sid Vicious. Eddy Guerrero faces Saturn tonight, but everyone in their respective groups is banned from ringside. I do think it’s funny that when Tenay asks the Animals about Konnan’s health in a pre-match interview, Eddy checks the Rolex he stole off Ric Flair to figure whether Rey and Konnan have made it to the hospital yet. Oh, yeah, Flair with the crowbar, huh? I assume he’s coming out here to get that shit back during this match. Saturn/Eddy is next. You know, what’s especially wild about these Russo shows is how exhausting they are. It feels like a ton of shit has happened already. If you made Russo book an hour-long show, he’d get two hours’ worth of stuff in there somehow. I have to say that these shows, while filled with nonsensical bullshit, are at least making me laugh. Is a lot of the laughter disbelief at how dumb and bad some of this shit is? Yes, but it’s better than the sheer boredom I’ve mostly felt for WCW in the past year. We get to Obligabrawl Count: #2 in a pretty good version of one, actually; Saturn presses Eddy face first onto the ring stairs and Eddy sells a wrist injury from trying to shield his face so well that I think he’s hurt and I think Mickey Jay’s YOU ALRIGHT? is half-serious. Saturn then gets Eddy back in the ring and targets the wrist with top wristlocks and arm bars and a cross-arm breaker. This match is like a breath of fresh air in the midst of a bunch of nonsense. Eddy tries to make a comeback with his speed, so Saturn decides to try and take out a wheel along with destroying Eddy’s wrist. He attacks the knee and ankle, and Eddy has to rake Saturn’s eyes to get out of a leg bar. I do get a kick out of Tony S. noticing that Heenan has surreptitiously slipped into his pocket the very Rolex that Eddy stole from Ric and left on the commentary table before this match. The crowd unfortunately is bored by this hold-heavy match, but it's a pretty good match! Saturn powers out of an armbar by slamming Eddy, then hits an Asai moonsault for two, which seems to wake the crowd up. He tries another moonsault, but eats knees. Eddy lands a brainbuster, then slowly makes his way up for a Frog Splash; he took too much time and kisses only the mat when he dives. They both get to their feet and Saturn tries another springboard move; Eddy’s wise to all Saturn’s springboards by this point and dropkicks him out of the air. Eddy shoots Saturn into the corner and charges, but Saturn boosts him up and over, and Eddy bonks his head on the buckles. Saturn puts him up top, and even though Eddy knocks Saturn away, Saturn recovers and superkicks Eddy’s leg to crotch him. Saturn follows up with a super overhead suplex for 2.5 or so. Saturn looks for another bomb from the top and tries a super crucifix slam, but Eddy flips out of it and lands a superplex. I really like this match! But all good things must come to an end: Here comes Ric with the crowbar to get his Rolex back. Flair comes down and cracks Eddy one with the crowbar right in front of the ref. Kidman runs down and gets tagged with the crowbar. Tony S. makes such a huge point about Rey and Konnan being at the hospital that I assume both of their injuries are worked, now. I mean, he was over-the-top about it. Who the fuck knows? Torrie rushes down to the ring and shields Kidman, so Ric pulls her up, threatens to hit her with the crowbar, then decides to try and kiss her instead, which he does. She apparently likes it. Russo really believes in the adage “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn,” doesn’t he? I mean, like really believes in it. Ric gets his Rolex back and dances away. Meanwhile, I think that we need to get Russo some talk therapy, maybe have a professional hypnotize him and get him to work a few things out for himself. Did his mom not love him? What were his experiences with the women in his life when he was a child? Backstage, Goldberg punches Sid into a bloody pulp before security backs him off; Sid gets up, busted open like an overripe tomato, yelling IS THAT ALL YA GOT?! IS THAT IT?!?! Man, both these dudes came off like beasts. This feud has made me want to see them tag up and kill guys as a team, actually. Buff Bagwell walks to the ring and SHOOTS. I don’t give a fuck, and neither does this crowd, which is dead silent until he mentions something that a typical wrestling fan would actually care about: Jeff Jarrett bashing him in the head with a guitar. He calls out Jarrett, who runs down with a guitar, but doesn’t get to use it as Buff cuts him off at the pass. They brawl, but you know, this is an impromptu brawl, so I’ll allow it. They batter each other at ringside before Jarrett crawls back into the ring; Buff follows, dances, and lands a few punches in the corner. Jarrett gets a desperation Hot Shot, and The Total Package runs down. Oh, so when Liz was knocked out backstage on Nitro, there were guitar pieces around her head, which I didn’t catch the first time. Package grabs the guitar and makes to waffle Jarrett, but Jarrett ducks and Package crowns Buff. Jarrett escapes to continue his woman-beating ways while Package stalks him and Buff lays there, probably legit hurt because Package hit him with the wrong part of the guitar and caught him with the handle rather than the gimmicked, uh, base? I don’t know about guitars or what you'd call that part. Sid chases a trainer off who is trying to patch him up, yelling LET IT BLEED because Sid rules the damn world. A hurt Eddy calls Rey in an arena stairwell, telling him to get back to the show so the Filthy Animals can get revenge on Ric Flair. This goof Brad Armstrong walks out here wearing a sweater with the American flag on it and the words UNITED STATES OF AMERICA on it, like he stopped at an airport souvenir shop on his way into the show and grabbed one before he collected his baggage. What a doofus! Berlyn (w/THE WALL, BROTHER) is his opponent. At least this is short. Berlyn mostly dominates, forgets that he’s supposed to lazy pin BA for a second before turning over and getting leveraged backward for two, then goes back to mostly dominating. This is a Thunder Special, and not a particularly good one, either. Berlyn was a pretty good worker before he disappeared before the gimmick change, but he’s really regressed. For some stupid reason, Armstrong wins this thing when he holds the ropes to block a Berlyn reverse neckbreaker attempt; Berlyn slams his head on the mat, and Armstrong covers for three. THE WALL, BROTHER, jumps in the ring and punches BA before Berlyn cranks Armstrong’s neck. DUD. Ric Flair talks to Mike Tenay about how he punked out the Filthy Animals and says that if they don’t like it, they should come find him. He also would like to get a shot at banging both Torrie and Kimberly, if possible, and the hell with Kidman and DDP for how they feel about it. That’s the long and short of it. Chris Benoit defends the WCW Television Championship against that lump of dog shit Rick Steiner. Steiner is so bad that at this point, even Benoit is hard-pressed to get something decent out of him. Steiner stalls to start, but it’s misdirection so that Benoit will chase him and he can get the jump on the champ. Steiner does his typical molasses-paced brawling and tearing at Benoit with the occasional lariat or suplex tossed in. This stupid crowd HOOs with Steiner when he hits one of the former. As an aside, these Las Vegas crowds haven’t exactly been my favorite in general, outside of a few of them barking along with Steiner tonight. Bischoff wanted to purchase WCW and run shows here, and they would have felt like terrible shows. I get why he would do that; he ran stuff at an amusement park to keep costs down while also drawing full crowds, but alas, those crowds were terrible. Anyway, Benoit controls for a bit after a missed Steiner elbowdrop, but Steiner takes back over and runs us to Obligabrawl Count: #3, and it’s as boring as you’d think it was. Steiner does some more slow, dull offense and cuts Benoit comebacks off with stuff like ball shots. It’s comeback, ball shot, dull offense, comeback, dodged dropkick, dull offense, flash pin, two count, dull offense. There’s like a suplex or two in the dull offense that’s good, but man, this match is WAY too long and Steiner takes WAY, WAY too much of it. Fuck, man, this match was Lunestra in wrestling form. There’s a fucking ref bump, because of course there is, and Malenko runs in and SWERVES Benoit by clobbering him with a chair, then hugging Saturn in the aisle. HOORAY, Rick Steiner is the TV Champ again! I love it! He’s only one of the worst TV Champions ever; I’d rank him right in front of Renegade and right behind the dumpster that Scott Hall deposits the title into at some point in the next few months! Terrible match, pointless swerve, DIRT WORST. Bret Hart talks to Mike Tenay and sells the ankle injury that TTP gave him on the previous Nitro. The Hitman faces The Total Package (w/Liz) next. I wonder if my wife would possibly wear this dress that Liz is wearing. Maybe I could ask. I need to figure out a way to get this dress in front of her so I can see what she thinks because I sure as hell am not making her watch a single second of WCW in 1999. I love her far too much for that. Bret comes out and gets the first solid pop in a while on this show. Bret goes right at TTP, and I guess this technically counts: Obligabrawl Count: #4. It does fit with Hart being enraged at Package, though; it’s about as close to being just a regular ringside brawl that fits into the match as it can be. Back in the ring, the Hitman continues to dominate. He dumps TTP back outside for more brawling; Liz prowls around in the background, looking for a spot to jump in. She does, shoving Bret, but Bret stops her from slapping him and denies Package when TTP tries to jump him. Back in the ring, Package still hasn’t gotten any offense in. He finally scores a fist to the gut and a poke to the eyes, but he doesn’t do much in the way of sustained offense, and Bret soon takes over again and scores a side Russian for two. This marks the start of Bret setting Package up with the 5MoD. He lands a second-rope elbow for two, then figures that he’s ready to try a Sharpshooter, but Package goes to the eyes again. They end up hip tossing one another to the floor; Hart’s moving gamely already, but really starts moving gamely after they land. He’s doing a killer job of selling the ankle making him slower and a bit awkward, and he has been all match. That’s made the match less crisp – he specifically sort of limped into that hip toss – but it’s a hell of a sell job on his part. With the Hitman hobbled, Package finally is able to get some room to attack the ankle by wrapping it around the middle rope. This is a weird match in that I wouldn’t say that it’s good, but Bret’s performance is particularly good and ultimately, this is a well-worked and logical bout. TTP busts out a single crab applied to Bret's injured leg and induces an immediate tap-out from the Hitman. I like that finish, too; Bret got clocked in the ankle with a bat six days ago and was able to initially dominate this match through pure adrenaline, but when that ran out, Luger got an easy win by targeting Bret's injury. I think this is the sort of charming uniquity where even if the match wasn’t the prettiest, the underlying logic and selling was so good that I can’t help but suggest it as something worthwhile. In a DOPE little interview, Tenay talks to Goldberg at the spot where the latter mauled Sid and asks Goldberg if maybe he went a bit too far: Goldberg responds by saying that he gets paid to kick dudes’ asses, and then points at the blood and basically says that he ain’t worried about firing Sid up with that attack because there’s more of that blood he left on the floor in Sid’s body, and he’d love to extract it. Who is helping Goldberg and Sid shape these last couple of weeks’ worth of segments? They are both killing it. I’m legitimately hyped for this match. And you know, Goldberg just had Sid looking like a cartoonish doofus with those (quite funny) rental car shenanigans, but they transitioned right into intensely attempting to murder one another without missing a beat. I’m actually thinking about putting this feud on my Best Feuds list if they can find a way to have a miracle match later tonight. Madusa comes out here. I guess the evening gown was a bit much for her, but this very tiny bikini is just fine. No, wait, there's a reasonable explanation for the bikini. She’s carrying WCW Nitro cologne, which Heenan shills it by, uh, talking about how bad it smells – “like a rest-stop bathroom,” “like liquid kitty litter,” and “like the men’s room at the Newark Airport.” Is Heenan a moron? What is wrong with him? Why would anyone buy this cologne after that description? More likely, who produced Heenan to react in this way, is likely the question that I should have posed first. Oh, I guess Russo made her come out here in this bikini and promote this cologne. Then she yells that it’s BULLSHIT that she has to do this and dumps the cologne on Heenan while Tony S. confirms that the cologne, in fact, is a foul scent. What the shit just happened? My Dirt Worst list is expanding by the segment! Strangely enough, Hulk Hogan faces Sting for the WCW World Championship with an hour still left on the show. No, wait, Hogan doesn’t show up. Funny enough, Heenan says that Hogan’s probably back there telling Russo and Ferrara that he won’t come out here unless the match is the main event. Is this a work or a shoot? Sting’s music plays next, and Sting walks to the ring holding the big gold. Hogan’s music plays again, but there’s still no Hulkster. No, wait, finally, he comes out in jeans, a vest, and an ostentatious Jesus piece. See, Penzer announced him as being from Hollywood, California, but Hogan came out dressed like he’s from Hollywood, Florida, which is much closer to the truth. Hogan lays down in the middle of the ring and Sting pins him, and I don’t remember ANYTHING about this. How did Russo get Hogan to agree to this?! What in holy hell is happening? Ah well, Russo saved us from having to watch Hogan’s ‘80s act, so I’m fine with it. Sting’s music continues to play over this Goldberg/Sid feud package. LEATHERS! We come back to the crowd booing vociferously, which is understandable if you were expecting, you know, a Hogan/Sting match or especially if you’re a Hogan fan who was excited to see him wrestle. I’m baffled. What else is on this show? Sid/Goldberg is next, but what the heck are they going to fill the last half-hour with after that? I guess there’s also Ric/DDP, which I somehow forgot about. We’re getting a stupid title change in a match that wasn’t advertised, aren’t we? Anyway, Sid stomps out here with dried blood and a still-open cut over his left eye, looking like a damn king. I’m at the point right now where I would actually buy Sid beating Goldberg. Goldberg appears at the top of the ramp and hypes up the crowd by being a charismatic killer. And, oh, look, the Outsiders run down and jump Goldberg before he can get in the ring. Aw, man. I just wanted a straight Sid/Goldberg match; please don’t ruin this for me. Luckily, the Outsiders back up the aisle after a short beating, and Sid rushes toward Goldberg and clubs him. It’s time for Obligabrawl Count: #5, but again, at least this makes sense. Sid ends up on the wrong side of a stair bashing soon enough; his head wound is opened up again immediately. This fucking rules. Maybe I’m alone in this because I never hear anyone talk about this match or this feud, but I am very into it. Sid looks tough just for trying to fight back. He actually jumps Goldberg as Goldberg gets back into the ring after dumping Vicious back into it, and even though I usually hate this transition, Sid hits a big boot and locks on a Camel Clutch, blood splattered everywhere, and it still fucking RULES, so I’ll allow it. Goldberg works to his feet and drops Sid to the mat from the electric chair position, then covers for 2.8. Goldberg cranks Sid’s neck and punches his wound as Sid tries desperately to fight back. It’s almost like Sid’s the babyface, which I think shouldn’t work, but it does because Goldberg’s such a killer even though he’s a babyface that you can turn a heel babyface by just having him hang with the guy. Goldberg shoots Sid into the corner and hits him with a clothesline when Sid stumbles out of it. Goldberg drops an elbow and covers for two as Sid tries to reach the ropes with a boot and then just has to kick out. I think he was going to put his foot on the ropes and just misjudged it, but he moved sort of frantically trying to find the rope, and that just added to the match because it seems like what you’d do if you lost a ton of blood and were trying to kick out. Sid tries to land a boot or two, but Goldberg catches his leg and topples him, then continues to beat the shit out of the guy. Goldberg rips at Sid’s wound, then yells THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT at the crowd and then again at Sid; Sid gets fired up and tries to punch his way out of the corner, but Goldberg is basically like NAH, FUCK YOU, SON, but he says that not with words. Instead, he says it by clubbing the absolute shit out of Vicious. Sid starts to pass out from the blood loss, and as he slumps to his knees, Mickey Jay calls the match in favor of Goldberg due to Sid being too injured to go on. I thought this was SUPREMELY GREAT. Goldberg’s the U.S. Champion for a second time. Sid struggles back to his feet as Rick Steiner runs down to back him up. Sid fires up again, but even Rick Steiner, a heartless prick if there ever was one, is like, Hey bud, I think we need to get you to a hospital. Rick manages to escort a reluctant, wobbly Sid from the ring as the ref awards Goldberg the U.S. Championship, but Goldberg sports a very displeased look because he didn’t really get Sid’s very best, and he knows that people might say that he only won because of his pre-match attack. You can just tell from the look on his face that it’s what he’s thinking; that, and maybe a bit of newfound respect for Sid. Sid tells Steiner that he’ll walk out under his own power and doesn’t need to lean on him, but then he sinks to his knees. Rick helps him up, but after he makes his way back to his feet, he tries to go back to the ring like the goddam warrior that he is before Steiner and the ref finally get him to turn around and go get treatment backstage. I cannot believe that they actually did have a miracle match just when they needed it. I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. Sid had better turn babyface on Nitro tomorrow after that performance. What a fucking match! It’s one of my favorites during this whole watch through, and it put the whole Sid/Goldberg feud over the top for me. I don’t care if I’m on an island on this one; this feud started out as annoying with Sid killing cruiserweights and ended up being pretty fucking great! They should have just ended the show on that note. How am I supposed to get excited for Ric Flair/DDP? Huh, Sting’s music plays again for some reason. What sorta SWERVE are we gonna get now? As soon as this belt gets hot potatoed around by the end of the night, I’m going to declare the U.S. Championship the most important actual title in the company, and the “How close can you come to beating Goldberg?” title the most important theoretical title in the company. Sting says he came to Las Vegas to wrestle, not to relax, and that he’ll challenge anyone in the back to a title match. He says that he’ll be back after Ric/DDP to see if anyone wants some of him. I am sorry if this next segment of the review is less than enthusiastic, but yeah, I’m still buzzing from that last match. DDP (w/Kimberly) faces Ric Flair in a Strap Match next. Charles Robinson is the ref, and I wonder if that matters at all here to the finish. I think that this match type really needs a hot feud attached to it to work and also requires a level of intensity in the work that goes far above and beyond most matches. In other words, if they ran Goldberg/Sid tomorrow night on Nitro as a Strap Match, I’d be way into it. But this is just a mediocre wandering brawl that I really don’t care about. They brawl through the crowd, and it’s still lukewarm stuff. They punch, they chop, they choke with the strap, and they wander. Finally, they get back to ringside, where Flair as the babyface forcibly kisses Kimberly. DDP jumps Flair from behind and wow, this match absolutely stinks. I’m looking at the progress bar, and if the final ad break is indeed placed after this match, then this match goes on for way too long. Flair juices, but it has zero effect after what we just saw from Sid. OK, I can’t pretend to care about any of this, so let me just skip ahead to the ending, stopping to describe any notable spots along the way. OK, notes: This Strap Match can be won by pinfall. Flair almost gets one after locking DDP in the Figure Four, but Page gets to the ropes. Flair gets choked with the strap and hit with a Diamond Cutter, but Flair puts his foot on the ropes as Robinson reluctantly counts the three and then, I guess this match is over? It looked like Flair kicked out or made the ropes; I don’t even know. They ring the bell as Page hits Robinson with a Diamond Cutter and then chokes Flair with the strap. David runs down with the crowbar, but Kimberly steps in front of him, makes to seduce him, and then knees him in the balls when he gets close enough. She slides the crowbar to Page, who hits Ric first in the ribs and then in the dick with it as Tony S. sadly says, “Ric Flair will never be the same again,” and as I thank Page for partially disabling this pervert by bashing him in the junk. It was no less than he deserved. DDP beats up David and hits him with a couple of Diamond Cutters in the bargain. Page and Kimberly walk away to an initial pop from at least part of the crowd. Medics come out and cart Ric out on a backboard and a stretcher while Dopey Dave wails. They roll him to the back…where the Filthy Animals get their revenge by attacking him while he’s on the stretcher. They rip him off the stretcher and beat the shit out of him and his dopey son while Torrie tapes it on the camcorder; then they toss Ric in the ambulance and drive it away. Boy, this doofus made one too many enemies, didn’t he? He’s supposed to be a babyface, and yet I feel a strange sense of satisfaction that he got his ass kicked tonight. Anyway, that match wasn’t any good, but it was made even worse by being placed right after the Goldberg/Sid epic. Sting comes back to the ring, and I wonder if we’re going to get that sixth and final Randy Savage world title reign tonight. Nope, it’s Goldberg’s theme that hits. Whoa, is Goldberg going to win two titles in one night? Or is Sting going to align with the Outsiders? I can see it going either way. Goldberg’s still got Sid’s dried blood caked on his forearm. I mean, I love Sting, but this should go only a couple of minutes after what Goldberg just did to Sid. Wait, Tony S. says this isn’t for the big gold, and I feel ripped off. Sting immediately bails out and takes a walk around ringside. Poor commentary! Heenan asserts that Charles Robinson won’t be the ref as the competitors wait for one to show up, which is logical considering that he just took a Diamond Cutter. And who runs out here? Charles Robinson. It’s the little things, WCW. Come the heck on. Anyway, we’ll end tonight’s show at Obligabrawl Count: #6, with two matches having outside brawls that made sense in the context of the match. That leaves only two matches that didn't have this trope in them (Berlyn/Brad Armstrong and Hulk Hogan/Sting) Sting spears Goldberg, who no sells that soft shit; Goldberg tries his own spear and only hits the post. Sting hits a trio of Stinger Splashes. He shoots Goldberg into the ropes, and Goldberg leapfrogs Sting and hits a spear on the rebound, then drills Sting with a Jackhammer for three. The crowd explodes. Goldberg rules, so it’s understandable. Just double-belt him, folks. He really is a megastar. In fact, Charles Robinson awards Goldberg the big gold, so he is a double champion. God, I can’t believe WCW wasted this guy. How are they not still in business?! I guess I mis-counted a Randy Savage title reign in there somewhere because I don’t think he’s beating Goldberg for the world title in the next month, but maybe there’s some screwy shit that happens between now and the end of November to allow him that opportunity, considering who is running the company. Sting gets up and remonstrates with Charles Robinson about the count, then Scorpion Death Drops him and walks out. This show probably had the most variance in quality from segment to segment of any show that I’ve ever seen in my life. It landed four entrants on my Dirt Worst list. It also landed an entrant apiece on my Charming Uniquities, Best Feuds, and SmUgs’s Standouts list. You can tell that a bunch of different people had their hands in the pie on this show, and now that Russo and Ferrara are in charge of everything for the next two or three PPVs, I expect more of the lowest lows without as many (any?) of the highest highs of this show. 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SirSmUgly Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 4 hours ago, caley said: It's either A) He just wants to keep boarding wrestlers or B) He's a TERRIBLE negotiator. By the time Jericho signs with WWF (for a $450,000 downside), Bischoffs offer to Jericho is over double that! But also when Jericho first negotiated with Bischoff he asked for $100k annually and Bischoff countered with $130k, then said he wanted Jericho to move to Atlanta so he'd thrown in an extra $40k to cover that. That's just about the worst negotiating I've ever heard especially because at that point Jericho was just a good-looking athletic guy with basically no promo ability. WWF didn't even want him so Bischoff was negotiating against nobody and still have him $70,000 more than he was asking for! Bischoff was good at two things: 1) The initial cost-cutting that allowed WCW to make a profit, and 2) Working with carriers to get WCW on the air in as many places and forms as possible; he even came close to replacing the WWF as NBC's primary wrestling partner, and likely would have if not for Turner suits above him. So yeah, I'm not surprised that he didn't know how to negotiate. 1 hour ago, Spaceman Spiff said: Chris Kanyon, Alliance MVP Fine, I revise my statement to say that I only recognize TWO wrestlers who go by the moniker "MVP." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zendragon Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 (edited) Thoughts... Do underestimate the chances of Savage getting one more reign with how often the belts switch around in 2000 WCW 2 hours of stuff in a 1 hour show is exactly how I would describe those iMPACT shows that Russo booked during his second reign, seeing how much blah stuff The Hitman did in WCW that was ultimately forgettable makes me wonder what he would have looked like in the second half of Attitude Era WWF and oh yhea so much of this Flair stuff has so not aged well Edited August 20 by zendragon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caley Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 6 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. Sid had better turn babyface on Nitro tomorrow after that performance. What a fucking match! It’s one of my favorites during this whole watch through, and it put the whole Sid/Goldberg feud over the top for me. I don’t care if I’m on an island on this one; this feud started out as annoying with Sid killing cruiserweights and ended up being pretty fucking great! I don't remember this match at all, but it sounds awesome from the write-up. 6 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: She slides the crowbar to Page, who hits Ric first in the ribs and then in the dick with it as Tony S. sadly says, “Ric Flair will never be the same again,” and as I thank Page for partially disabling this pervert by bashing him in the junk. It was no less than he deserved. I don't remember this and it sounds hilarious with Schiavones's sad voice 6 hours ago, SirSmUgly said: Page insults Ric for only “spankin’ it” when he was in the room with Kimberly, then unveils a strap around his waist and says, and I QUOTE: “Let’s whack it, let’s jack it all night long.” I definitely do NOT remember this. DDP, at this point, often felt to me like a guy who had been bypassed by late 90s slang and went up and asked the younger guys what the popular slang was and they intentionally told him the wrong thing and snickered backstage watching him: "Oh yeah, whack it and jack it, that means to challenge somebody to a fight!" "Okay, cool thanks, bro!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirSmUgly Posted August 21 Author Share Posted August 21 17 hours ago, zendragon said: Do underestimate the chances of Savage getting one more reign with how often the belts switch around in 2000 WCW I actually went back and checked this because I knew I must have been forgetting an earlier Savage reign in WCW. I was. He won the belt back in 1996 when it was being passed around between himself, Ric Flair, and the Giant. So that final one-day title reign after BatB '99 was it for him. He's done...and I mean, done-done, as I think he only makes a couple more WCW appearances through the end of Nitro. Quote 2 hours of stuff in a 1 hour show is exactly how I would describe those iMPACT shows that Russo booked during his second reign, I run the TNA channel on Pluto occasionally while working out, but I'm not sure I've seen an episode from this period. I'll have to look out for one (because I refuse to look one up on YouTube on purpose). Quote seeing how much blah stuff The Hitman did in WCW that was ultimately forgettable makes me wonder what he would have looked like in the second half of Attitude Era WWF I assume he'd be wearing a white shirt and a dark tie, standing next to Owen (dressed in the same attire), with the Goodfather flanking him and Stevie Richards out of a gimmick. Quote and oh yhea so much of this Flair stuff has so not aged well Speaking of... 12 hours ago, caley said: I don't remember this and it sounds hilarious with Schiavones's sad voice I definitely do NOT remember this. DDP, at this point, often felt to me like a guy who had been bypassed by late 90s slang and went up and asked the younger guys what the popular slang was and they intentionally told him the wrong thing and snickered backstage watching him: "Oh yeah, whack it and jack it, that means to challenge somebody to a fight!" "Okay, cool thanks, bro!" It was hilarious with Schiavone's sad voice. Quote I definitely do NOT remember this. DDP, at this point, often felt to me like a guy who had been bypassed by late 90s slang and went up and asked the younger guys what the popular slang was and they intentionally told him the wrong thing and snickered backstage watching him: "Oh yeah, whack it and jack it, that means to challenge somebody to a fight!" "Okay, cool thanks, bro!" Russo and Ferrara show up and all of a sudden, Ric Flair is busting up into Kimberly's hotel room, and instead of being enraged, Kimberly and Page make fun of him for his dick not working and then proceed to cut promos full of masturbation wordplay. It's going to be a puerile three months, huh? Quote I don't remember this match at all, but it sounds awesome from the write-up. It's one of those things where you have to gauge how much your tastes line up with mine. If they generally do, I would guess you'd like it. If you're like Twiztor and not a Goldberg fan, you'll probably give it a star-and-a-half and forget about it the next day. I think it has to be watched with full viewing of the context of the last three or four weeks of the feud, though. If I just watched it without any of the build, I think I would have thought it was cool, but it wouldn't have hit the same. That build felt like it was going nowhere, and then once Goldberg gets sick of destroying Sid's stuff and decides to destroy Sid with a spear instead, the escalation was pitched perfectly and really juiced this feud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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