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The Cricket Thread, Mark 2


SirFozzie

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England would be fucked without Joe Root. Root can only do so much. We've had some bad battling lineups but I think this is the worst of them. I miss Bob Willis who'd tear them a new asshole on The Verdict.

Edited by The Natural
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Different England, same problems

Hameed's 10-ball duck was England's 50th this year - four short of the all-time Test record - and the right-hander's second in succession. He came forward on the front foot in defence and nicked Cummins to Alex Carey.

Crawley was recalled in place of Rory Burns despite averaging 11.14 in 2021 but it made little difference. He lasted 25 balls, playing a couple of good strokes, before being squared up by Cummins and caught in the gully.

Malan threatened to calm proceedings, again alongside Root, but the left-hander edged a ball pushed across him by Cummins in the final over before lunch, a crucial blow.

In another familiar trend, Root again failed to record his maiden Test hundred in Australia despite looking close to his busy best.

The England captain, who has been out between 50 and 90 eight times in his past eight Tests in Australia, was furious after he left the field following his dismissal.

When Buttler followed Stokes, having skied a catch to deep square leg, there were stunned faces around the 57,000-strong crowd at the enormous Melbourne Cricket Ground.

You could hear Jonathan Agnew's exasperation at Jos Buttler's dismissal.

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England meekly surrendered the Ashes on the morning of the third day of the third Test as Australia crushed them by an innings and 14 runs to take an unassailable 3-0 series lead.

Resuming on 31-4, England were bowled out for just 68 inside 81 minutes, with debutant Scott Boland taking an astonishing 6-7.

Their final five wickets fell in the space of 30 balls as England offered the weakest of resistance in front of a jubilant home crowd at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

England's 68 all out is their lowest total in Australia since March 1904 and their ninth lowest score against them in Tests.

The result means Australia have retained the Ashes after just 12 days of cricket and will be eyeing a 5-0 series win.

The fourth Test will begin in Sydney on 4 January.

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8 minutes ago, The Natural said:

Pathetic. Just when you think it can't get worse, it bloody does.

Nonsense. It just means that the dream is still alive for us opening the batting for England, because there's no way we can be worse. As bad, maybe, but not worse. 

And to answer @odessasteps's question, they won't cancel the rest of the series just because England are too shite to be allowed to play. 

Edited by DangerMark
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Jonny Bairstow scored the first 100 for England of the Ashes, unbeaten 103. Kudos to Jonny and Ben Stokes' 66 playing through injuries. Mark Wood's 39 from 41 balls as well. England 258-7. At one point, 36-4.

Edited by The Natural
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