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Royal Rumble XXXIV - 1/31/2021


Dolfan in NYC

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Wait, that whole deal with Drew and Brock was last year's Rumble, right? One year ago? Fuck, it seems like it was about 95 years ago now. Buster Keaton was a special guest participant in that Rumble, right? 

Wait, that's ridiculous. As if they could get as big a star as that. 

Knowing old man McMahon's pop culture, he'd probably try to get Buster Keaton booked for this year's Rumble. GOD DAMMIT PRICHARD GET ME THE STEAM TRAIN GUY, THAT MUTE FUCK CAN TAKE A HELLUVA BUMP.

One year ago. God damn.

Edited by Fuzzy Dunlop
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6 minutes ago, Fuzzy Dunlop said:

Wait, that whole deal with Drew and Brock was last year's Rumble, right? One year ago? Fuck, it seems like it was about 95 years ago now. Buster Keaton was a special guest participant in that Rumble, right? 

Wait, that's ridiculous. As if they could get as big a star as that. 

Knowing old man McMahon's pop culture, he'd probably try to get Buster Keaton booked for this year's Rumble. GOD DAMMIT PRITCHARD GET ME THE STEAM TRAIN GUY, THAT MUTE FUCK CAN TAKE A HELLUVA BUMP.

One year ago. God damn.

Yes, last year. You're right in saying it feels a lot longer. What a terrible year 2020 was and it's continued that way.

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5 hours ago, killsteve said:

This may be a #HotTake, but they really don't have enough female talent to do a full 30 women Royal Rumble. Every year they are going to be padded out with NXT girls and 'legends'. Rather than try to run a female version of all their big gimmicks for gender parity I'd much rather them come up with a fresh, unique gimmick that they could give to the women. 2 Rumbles on 1 show is so bloated and kind of tiring to watch. Ditto for the Chambers and WarGames. Would rather them do a yearly Evolution PPV with something new and original on it. 

This is basically gonna be an old man yelling at clouds post, but man I wish they would make the big 4 two night events. So like, one Rumble main events Saturday one main event Sunday. You can fit all the titles on this way. But separate them from that gender's Rumble night. Like all women's title matches and the men's Rumble on Saturday, all the men's title matches and women's Rumble on Sunday. Could do the same with the Survivor Series gimmicks. Could make each world title main event a night at Mania, or one night be the big men's main and the other the big women's main.

But even more importantly... the doubled up gimmicks would cease to be an issue if they, ya know, went back to booking gimmicks based on story telling vs 'hey it's October let's cue up two Hell in a Cell matches'. And this year it was fucking 3 of them wasn't it? They've been doing the shoe-horned gimmick PPVs for a decade now so they aren't going anywhere. But back in my day Cactus Jack vs Triple H in a Hell in a Cell was because the wanted to fucking kill each other, not just because the calendar said October ?‍♂️

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3 hours ago, Fuzzy Dunlop said:

Knowing old man McMahon's pop culture, he'd probably try to get Buster Keaton booked for this year's Rumble. GOD DAMMIT PRITCHARD GET ME THE STEAM TRAIN GUY, THAT MUTE FUCK CAN TAKE A HELLUVA BUMP.

If the Vaudevillians had worked more silent film bits as distraction spots, they’d have lasted longer. English distracts the heels at the Rumble with the Chaplin roll dance and Gotch throws them out.

Or they scream “MAKEUP!” and blind the monster heels with powder and large makeup sponges, and then Harold Lloyd does an insane climb to the balcony and loses his hand in a explosion match.

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On 1/27/2021 at 4:15 PM, Andy in Kansas said:

Haven't watched much main roster WWE lately, which makes the Rumble actually difficult to predict. That's nice. Can't skip this if there's actually a chance Bryan's winning.

Winner: Edge
Final Four: Edge, Daniel Bryan, Big E, Sheamus

Winner: Rhea Ripley
Final Four: Rhea Ripley, Bianca Belair, Bayley, Charlotte Flair

You gotta do whatever Fiend-Orton thing they might have planned mid-match to bump Orton or both of them out of the match, right? Right?! Please...

Revising on account of the announcements on Backstage.

Winner: Daniel Bryan
Final Four: Daniel Bryan, Braun Strowman, Big E, Sheamus
Ironman: Cesaro
Most Eliminations: Braun Strowman

Winner: Rhea Ripley
Final Four: Rhea Ripley, Bianca Belair, Bayley, Charlotte Flair
Ironwoman: Charlotte Flair
Most Eliminations: Bianca Belair

There are all bad guesses. 

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On 1/29/2021 at 10:13 PM, D.Z said:

20 men so far announced for the men's Royal Rumble, 13 for the women's. 

For the record - on the WWE website right now it is only 17 men

Spoiler
  1. Randy Orton 
  2. Edge
  3. AJ Styles
  4. Big E
  5. Daniel Bryan
  6. Sheamus
  7. Jeff Hardy
  8. Bobby Lashley
  9. Jey Uso
  10. Cesaro
  11. The Miz
  12. John Morrison
  13. Otis
  14. Sami Zayn
  15. Shinsuke Nakamura
  16. Dolph Ziggler
  17. Mustafa Ali

And 12 Women

Spoiler
  1. Shayna Baszler
  2. Alexa Bliss
  3. Peyton Royce
  4. Bianca Belair
  5. Bayley
  6. Charlotte Flair 
  7. Nia Jax 
  8. Mandy Rose
  9. Dana Brooke
  10. Tamina
  11. Liv Morgan
  12. Ruby Riott

So either they are really lazy updating the website or giving themselves so wiggle room or a combo of both.

The former is definitely true as Nattie isn't listed with the women despite everyone knowing she is #30

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Is Rhea's nearly year-long humiliation ritual (after losing at WrestleMania to Charlotte) over yet? I don't think she's won a single feud besides beating Aaliyah and Robert Stone. The Robert Stone Brand is so irrelevant having to feud with them was a major step down. It was the following year's Royal Rumble when Asuka finally got some legitimate shine back by tapping out Becky. Of course, that didn't last long. 

A worthwhile payoff to invincible Alexa Bliss would be if she got squashed for the title by Rhea Ripley at Wrestlemania. That would never happen though. Bianca Belair winning a title is also long overdue.  I don't see them doing Bayley/Sasha again at Wrestlemania. Bianca/Sasha would be interesting, but it would work a lot better if one of them went full-blown heel, instead of some flat mutual respect approach. Any predictions that don't figure in Charlotte are probably way off. Charlotte challenging fiend Alexa Bliss would be a fun mess. 

What's the over/under on the match length for Goldberg/McIntyre? 3 minutes? I guess I'll take the over. They might give them 5 minutes for this latest finisher spam-off. 

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We will know for sure we're in the worst timeline if Wyatt or Fiend Alexa wins one of the Rumble matches.

Well, I guess the worst timeline is if they BOTH win their Rumbles...

(Best timeline would have been Nikka Cross dramatically freeing Alexa from the Fiend's control at least, but we're well past that now probably...)

I'm really unsure who else could win the men's Rumble match this year, though. They haven't built to anything or elevated anyone in a way that suggests... anything. For the women's, maybe Bianca Belair wins? Would WWE do that or does it make too much sense? I'd enjoy a Bayley victory, too.

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28 minutes ago, FluffSnackwell said:

 I don't think she's won a single feud besides beating Aaliyah and Robert Stone.

She only had 2 other feuds. She beat Mercedes and lost her second match to Raquel. The Rhea had a terrible year talk is bs. She was as big a focus in the division as Io was and lost around 3 matches legitimately. 

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Bianca just had a Chronicle episode come out a few days ago that talked quite a bit about her Rumble performance last year. That's a pretty good sign she's got a shot at winning. I'd like to see her or Rhea come out the winner. As long as it's not Fiendlexa, Bayley, Sasha, or Charlotte I'm good.

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2 minutes ago, HumanChessgame said:

Bianca just had a Chronicle episode come out a few days ago that talked quite a bit about her Rumble performance last year. That's a pretty good sign she's got a shot at winning. I'd like to see her or Rhea come out the winner. As long as it's not Fiendlexa, Bayley, Sasha, or Charlotte I'm good.

Good, good.

I'd be unpleased to see Becky Lynch win right now. And definitely Rhonda Rousey too. But I figure if Rhonda returns, she's winning.

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28 minutes ago, Eivion said:

She only had 2 other feuds. She beat Mercedes and lost her second match to Raquel. The Rhea had a terrible year talk is bs. She was as big a focus in the division as Io was and lost around 3 matches legitimately. 

She also ate the pin in the triple threat against Io and Charlotte following Wrestlemania, and then lost to her again recently before losing her exit match against Raquel. It's not pulled out of thin air.  She also lost to Toni Storm,  off interference in the build-up to facing Raquel. Key losses to Io, Storm, and Raquel on her way out the door since November. 1-2 in her only feuds doesn't sound like a great year to me.  Since Wrestlemania, she had one legitimate win over Mercedes, somebody who should be a much bigger deal, but for whatever reason was barely featured on NXT for most of the year. 

To be fair, I understand that jumping to the main roster is basically going back to square one (for better or worse). Many times, the more heavily featured you were in NXT, the worse off you end up on the main roster. Just ask Shayna Baszler.  Rhea will probably be thrown into some on/off dead end feud against Nia and Shayna for the next six months. 

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8 minutes ago, FluffSnackwell said:

Many times, the more heavily featured you were in NXT, the worse off you end up on the main roster. Just ask Shayna Baszler.  

Is she really the best example to make this point? I don't think anyone was expecting Ronda Rousey's less-recognizable, pushing-forty friend to be a world-beater on the main roster. 

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In singles matches post-WrestleMania, Rhea is an even 4-4-1 for the rest of the year. But if you put together the entirety of what she did on TV for the rest of the year, it doesn't look too pretty.

WrestleMania: lost to Charlotte
May: No contest with Io, lost to Charlotte & Chelsea Green
June: lost three way match against Io & Charlotte, defeats Aliyah in a singles match
July: defeats Aliyah & Robert Stone, loses a #1 contender match to Dakota Kai
August: wins a tag match against Aliyah & Mercedes, loses a tag match against Dakota & Raquel
September: defeats Mercedes, loses a #1 contender battle royale
October: defeats Raquel
November: loses to Io
December: losing team on WarGames, loses to Toni Storm, defeats Dakota
January 2021: loses to Raquel

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