Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown

[(BP)]

Discounting any pettiness, Williams checks off a lot of boxes for a legacy induction. He’s passed away, he never had a significant run in WWF, he’s not going to bring more eyes to the ceremony, and the most obvious person to induct and/or speak for him works somewhere else. 

[Eivion]

17 hours ago, zendragon said:

I understand the logic of putting the McMahons on tv in the attitude era (they wouldn't jump ship) but why the need to keep running a 50ish Shane O'mac out there is baffeling 

Because the audience likes him for his willingness to do crazy shit. Shane coming around every now and again isn't too bad. The real issue is they always have him overstay his welcome.

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 130

I'm just going to tell you something.  A lot of people showed their asses when Bad Bunny showed up on WWE TV.  There was an -- odd -- hostility when he came around on the twitters and the reddits and other message boards of the world.  It ranged from who is this guy to who is this Puerto Rican?  (and the pejorative is very, very much what I mean there)  

Anyway, he's the biggest celebrity fan the WWE could pull in.  A multi-platinum recording artists with more hits that were currently on the charts than anyone they'd had in years... or maybe ever.  So, he's small, fast, and able to move, and he got sent to the PC to learn the craft and through a bunch of machinations ended up with Damien Priest as his muscle. 

Miz, who as I said earlier, is clearly eyeing the door - if not already stepping out - and John Morrison want to collab with Mr. Bunny.   But, much like those spam bots who flood your Instagram posts with "ur so cool Let's collab?" replies, they were rejected.  Bunch of stuff happens, and we have a celebrity tag match at Mania. 

Miz and Morrison are out first with a lot of guys in bunny costumes to do their new hit single "Hey Hey Hop Hop", which is way better than it has any right to be.  I never saw if BB produced the track, but judging by the standards normal WWE music produces in the 2020's, I'd guess so.  The other interesting thing is clearly all the bunnies are indie guys or lower card people who don't want to be recognized because they're holding on to the rabbit heads for dear life throughout the performance.  I guess the WWE was too cheap to pay for chinstraps.  

Damien Priest is still in his Archer of Infamy phase so he comes out to his old music.  I'm writing this 9 months in the future from this match, but it is interesting to see how different he is now in his split personality Damien/Priest gimmick.  Bunny, for his part, comes in on a light up tractor trailer that makes me think he said "What if John Cena's entrance had a bigger budget?"

Now the match itself is a testament to how far Miz has come as a performer.  From a guy who cut promos for anyone who'd stand still long enough to a guy who is clearly the ring general for a feature WrestleMania match... that's a damned impressive career arc. He and Morrison clearly walk Bunny through the match, setting up spots, telling a good story, and bumping like crazy for the littler guy.  They do a great job at making him seem like a threat they've clearly overlooked and are damned embarrassed to be apparently losing to.  

Eventually they take over on offense and Bunny for his part is actually great at this.  He's got his basic spots down, he knows when/where to hit his marks, and really builds sympathy for himself.  It speaks to how good he is that the match actually slows down a bit when he finally gets Priest in the ring. 

Once he's in there though, the match is fait accompli, as he rolls through his offense.  And Bad Bunny hits a fucking CODE RED (!) on John Morrison on the outside.  Priest and Miz act like Wile E. Coyote when he watches the Road Runner run through the painted on tunnel.  

They hit a double team top rope crossbody splash, and complete one of the best celebrity rookie matches ever on Mania.   Again, tons and tons of credit go to Miz and Morrison who made Bunny and Priest look like millions of bucks out there.  

It's a damned shame Morrison didn't get more to do during this WWE run, but he's still putting on great matches and won't be hurting for work. 

Next up... the main event for Night one!  

[Eivion]

I ff through nearly all of the BB build to Wrestlemania because I had no idea who he was and didn't really care about a celeb appearing, but that match was so much more fun than I expected. Never listened to the guy's music, but I definitely respected him after that performance even with Miz and Morrison helping him along so much.

9 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

Miz and Morrison are out first with a lot of guys in bunny costumes to do their new hit single "Hey Hey Hop Hop", which is way better than it has any right to be.  I never saw if BB produced the track, but judging by the standards normal WWE music produces in the 2020's, I'd guess so. 

Miz and Morrison did weirdly ok with the music and videos they did in 2020-2021.

[odessasteps]

It's an interesting juxtaposition, since we just passed the anniversary of K Fed on Raw (and BTS did a good job last week recapping it). 

[zendragon]

 

[Brandon Bones]

7 hours ago, odessasteps said:

It's an interesting juxtaposition, since we just passed the anniversary of K Fed on Raw (and BTS did a good job last week recapping it). 

I’ve always had this thought about that K-Fed deal. It was a weirdly overlooked detail for Cena opponents to never exploit in all the years of promo battles that followed.  Or did I miss it?  
 

Also: Why didn’t anyone (in WWE) call bullshit on Cena swatting Rey Mysterio for the belt the same night he won it in earlier in the show?  Still fucking boo!

 

Edited January 14, 2022 by Brandon Bones
I’m sorry for yelling.

[NikoBaltimore]

What helped reinforce my respect for Bad Bunny was not just how well he did but how much other WWE wrestlers were respecting the hell out of him.  You can tell he gave it his all and it was a huge win all around.  Looking back I think I have that and Bianca/Sasha as my two favorite things about Wrestlemania.  And honestly all things considered everything else wasn't even close.

[Log]

Bad Bunny was also the first celeb that they had in forever who was actually on their way up when they appeared for WWE. 

And I don’t mean for just an appearance. I’m talking someone who came in for a program  

Who’s the last one that wasn’t on a downturn? Jenny McCarthy/Pam Anderson? Cyndi Lauper? Mr T?

Edited January 14, 2022 by Log

[odessasteps]

Where was Jersey Shore's arc when Snooki wrestled? 

They had Buster Douglas right after he beat Tyson, iirc 

 

[Curt McGirt]

Hugh Jackman? 

[PetrolCB]

...Trump? 

[Shartnado]

Chuck Norris? And even that was just because Norris' star ONLY goes upwards.

[Shartnado]

15 hours ago, PetrolCB said:

...Trump? 

Little did they know at the time. All logic would have pointed to his reality TV stardom being on the downturn, or close to it.

[Dolfan in NYC]

I remember seeing this big athletic black girl in NXT in 2017 in a sort of non-descript battle royale and thinking to myself, "I dunno who she is, but that woman is going to be a star."  Fast forward to January 2021, when Bianca Belair threw out Rhea Ripley to win the Royal Rumble and get her shot at the big time.  The question was sort of up in the air as to who she'd face though, Asuka or Sasha Banks, and even a little tease of Io Shirai in there.  Eventually though, it became clear that she and Sasha Banks would make history as the first black people to compete for a world title at a WrestleMania, ever. 

Both women make their entrance, and are both clearly emotional when they get into the ring.  They know how hard both of them have worked to get into this position and frankly, they earned this spot. I'm a *hair* disappointed they didn't do the ROH-style handshake, but they pull themselves together and go at it.  

They're telling a veteran vs rookie story here and it works beautifully.  Sasha is quite aware of how good Belair is, and is trying her damnedest to make sure she doesn't get rolling.  Bianca for her part is doing the nervous rookie who slowly becomes more and more confident as match moves along.  

Now, I remember growing up, Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse The Body would go along with matches explaining things like how when someone had an obvious weakness you focus on that and work your offense around it.  Say they're barefoot, have wrapped up ribs, or... have long hair.   Sasha knows she cannot outmuscle this crazy good rookie, so she's going to work on something she knows will stop Bianca no matter what, yanking that LONG pony tail to pull her out of her offense.   And, of course, that proves to be her undoing.  

Bianca has filled the match with ridiculous power spots.  Of note, press slamming Sasha from the outside -- of the ring -- up the stairs -- and then into the ring.  So Sasha is quickly getting outmatched and outclassed here, so she knows she needs something big soon. She finally gets Bianca down long enough to get a Eddie-special frog splash. When that's not enough, she goes for the Banks Statement, using Bianca's hair as added leverage.  BB just makes the ropes to break that up, and Sasha's exasperation is undeniable at this point.  

She makes a mistake and kills herself against the ropes, allowing Bianca to hit a magnificent 450 splash from the top.  But that only gets 2 also, and now the exasperation has hit Bianca full on.  

Sasha has no idea what to do now, so she goes for the last thing she knows works, and that's pulling on Bianca's hair.  Bianca breaks free though, and...

CRACK

Sasha takes a full legit whip shot to her side.  Bianca picks her up and nails the Kiss of Death to win her first championship.  It's just a shame the crowd was only 25,00 people because it really would have been a massive pop.   Bianca celebrates in the ring.  

In a cute bit, they cut to Sasha, who's outside and has clearly told the camera to get her legit laceration from the whip spot. A fan shot video would later surface showing Sasha, unable to stop smiling, as Bianca celebrating. And why shouldn't she smile? She put over Bianca huge and made sure that everyone knew Bianca Belair was a star and a main eventer for years to come.  

Black girl magic abounds.  

That's it for this day of WrestleMania, and for my ride.  

End of Day 130. 

[Eivion]

I loved that match. I think its one of Sasha's best performances, if not one of her best matches.

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 131

It's night 2 of WrestleMania!  We begin with the pirate entrance video package for the FOURTH time.  Jesus Christ, Vince.  That may be a bigger travesty than what's about to come.  

And calling it a travesty is really underselling. 

I'd noted on the board that one of the big problems with the Thunderdome is Vince could not get direct feedback from his audience, which led to... well, among other things, this angle.  Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt got into a feud that was off and on for the previous 2-3 years.  And in the absence of an audience negatively reacting to really dumb stuff like murdering The Fiend through immolation or making Alexa Bliss the Fiend's best friend. And of course, Alexa was winning her own matches using camera tricks and switching characters mid-match between Harley Quinn-lite and a Banshee from hell, which also... just didn't really work.  

I'm not one of these wrestling has to be super serious and can't have weirdness or comedy or what have you.  I cheered for an undead biker wizard for god's sake.  But the issue was, there were certain rules in reality they had to play by because of the live audience.  But once they threw off that burden, we got pure uncut Vince, which was, and I don't mean this in a good way, scary.  

Anyway, Randy was cost the Rumble by (thanks to the earlier murder) the now partner-less Alexa Bliss.  They had a "match", which was an excuse to introduce a new (and improved?) costume for The Fiend.  Blah blah blah… we have a Mania rematch.  

Orton comes out first and instantly belies everyone's worst suspicions because he instantly does the "I can't believe I'm about to do this" face. 

Burnt Ends Bray walks through a light tunnel and I think the UV light cures him or something? Alexa then comes out by herself, except there's a big Jack in the Box by ringside.  Randy is doing his "wtf" face, which is to say, he looks like he had too many beans before the match.  

Alexa takes for-FUCKING-ever to actually wind the box and when she finally does, quelle surprise... it's Bray.  The crowd pops as Bray is finally back in front of a crowd, but then they make the baffling decision to wrestle under the red lights again.   The red lighting works as an entrance as it makes colors pop and brings a menacing aura to the performer, but holy fuck it makes things hard to see with the WWE's notoriously shitty editing.  

Bray and Randy, despite the circumstances, actually have a perfectly fine match.  I remember the first time watching, thinking, god this is awful... but on re-watch it's totally okay.  Until. . . 

Well, Bray basically has Randy beat.  He's about to deliver Sister Abagail, get his win, and get his career back on track...  but then Alexa -- in all new makeup -- sits on top of the Jack in the Box, in a black blood crown. I think she was supposed to be the actual Sister Abagail at this point?  Because Bray, being a total idiot, lets go of Randy and goes to stare at her.  Blood is now streaming down her face (and of course, this is why they did red lighting, to make this look "scary").  

It does not look scary.  

The crowd is audibly groaning.  Bray is staring at Alexa who has her arm outstretched.  

Randall is like, oh, fuck all of this.  RKO and pins the Fiend, effectively ending Windham Rotunda's WWE career.  

Bray all but instantly no sells the RKO, stares at Alexa again.  They both disappear. 

I wrote in the Mania 2020 recap that it was clear WWE had big plans for Bray/The Fiend.  But they didn't.  Aside from one other appearance, Bray never appeared on WWE tv again and was released in the summer.  Alexa too, would eventually move on to "terrorizing" the women's division by wrestling with a doll that looks like Vince watched Coraline on pain killers.  The crowd's reactions to the gimmick were, at best, tepid. She disappeared for months after Charlotte tore the doll to shreds.  

This match just sapped my will. It encapsulated everything wrong with the last few years. Frustrating camerawork, incomprehensible gimmicks, goofy and unnecessary twists, all of which obscure some actual, decent wrestling.  

Randy noped the fuck out of the ring immediately after the match.  He had the right idea. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

The Jack in the box is gone, and it's time for the Women's Tag Team title match.  I'm not sure if this is much better than what preceded it.  

The 4 participants in this match are just such an odd pairing.  Everything suggests they should all be swapped to make better teams... like Nia/Tamina as a female South Pacific Swat Team would naturally fit as a big monster heel team.  Similarly Shayna Baszler and Nattie working really well in theory as a deadly technical "pick your poison" type of team. But as it is, we get... this. 

Nattie & Tamina won last night's gauntlet match and get to face the champs.  The bickering but friendly, but not friends, champs are Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax.  Nia and Tamina are both not exactly known for being the safest workers in the world, so one can only imagine this was done to keep them from hurting anyone of value outside of Shayna, who luckily doesn't appear to be injury prone. 

That's probably a good thing, as this just doesn't go anywhere. The best parts of the match are: Natalya and Shayna both looking visibly annoyed by their opponents and partners.  And Nia and Tamina headbutting each other to no effect -- though as any wrestling fan born before 1990 would tell you, it's just lucky the universe didn't implode on itself when they did this spot. 

Okay, this is just awful.  Shayna is trying her damnedest here, Nattie is too.  But, both Nia and Tamina are missing spots, cues, and are generally exposed as 100% not belonging on this stage.  Especially when this match is almost 15 minutes long. 

Oh lord.

Thankfully Shayna just chokes the living fuck out of Nattie as she tries to get a sharpshooter on Nia to put us out of our misery.  The champs retain. 

Nattie & Tamina would go on to win the titles a month later, which just drew me back to this... why not do the title change here?  And why would you throw Tamina out there to die for 15 fucking minutes when you had a VERY talented team in the Riott Squad just job the night before? I guarantee you Ruby knows how to work a match "exhausted" and not... whatever they attempted to do out there.  

Eh.  It's not like this mattered.   Nia got released and retired later in the year.  Shayna finally looks like she may start having some direction in her singles career in 2022. Tamina is in the idiot brigade chasing the 24/7 champion.  And Nattie continues to work like someone who is happy to be there, but should have been released 5 years ago.  

Next ride should be a lot better.  

End of Day 131. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 132

You know, there are times in your life that people become super close to you and then just drift away.  Either they get pushed away, or life takes you in different directions, or they just... get lost.  That's a sad reality that's occurred far too many times over the past few years.  The pandemic has brought out the best, and a lot of times, the worst in people.  But there's a special place in hell for those who cause relationships to fail because of Conspiracy Mindset.  

And that's what we have going on here.  Kevin Owens was generally minding his business floating around the top of the card in the years after he'd pushed away his longtime best friend Sami Zayn. Sami had just gotten lost and become an extremely paranoid, almost schizophrenic version of himself, always seeing conspiracy theories around him, believing everyone was conspiring to get him, and alienating everyone along the way.  

Well, his path crossed with Kevin's, and when Kevin didn't instantly agree with him, he got kicked in the face for it.  Now there's a great story to be told here, especially with this being the first time in their careers Sami and KO are opponents when Sami was a heel and Owens was a face.  But we needed to shoehorn Jake Paul in.  

*cough*

Okay whatever.  Let's get going here. 

I will say, losing the original Sami ska beatz to whatever that generic rock thing he's got now is an absurd tragedy.  I completely get why you change his music, but once he goes back to being a face, I really need him to get his old music back.  That being said, as he comes out, hearing "LET'S GO!" was definitely a bit of an emotional moment for me.  Kevin, for his part, looks extremely emotional.  Like legitimately pumped that he's getting to perform in front of actual people once again. 

Jake Paul enters to a chorus of boos.  Well, at least he doesn't appear to be taken aback by it.  Like, he knew what was coming and his stupid expressionless face belies nothing. And speaking of nothing, that's all he does.  He doesn't get on commentary, he just sits by ringside and occasionally they pan to him for a reaction shot, but wow is he terrible at even that.  

I really don't want to even know how much he made for sitting there. 

Anyway, Kevin and Sami run through their greatest (WWE) hits of spots.  They're still not allowed to do some of the insane shit they did back in the day, which would have made this match amazing, so, eh.  It's roughly the same match you've seen before, except Sami's the one doing the heeling.  They only get 8-10 minutes before Owens tires of it and stunners Sami for the victory. It's a shame, because it's a fine match, but a little underwhelming.  

Oh god here's Jake.  Sami blames his loss on him, Jake pushes him away.  Sami skulks off angrily.  Jake tries to celebrate with Owens, but gets stunnered for touching Kevin.  

This is just the price you pay for touching the Murder Bear when he doesn't want you to.  

[AxB]

I thought it was the other Paul brother who was on Mania? Logan Paul? The Suicide Forest guy, not the hard R N-word guy?

[PetrolCB]

1 hour ago, AxB said:

I thought it was the other Paul brother who was on Mania? Logan Paul? The Suicide Forest guy, not the hard R N-word guy?

Two Paul's too many.

[(BP)]

I forgot about the suicide forest and now I’m cackling. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

US Champion Riddle is scooting around like an idiot backstage, when he runs into noted idiot, The Great Khali.  Riddle tries what is clearly improv comedy and almost breaks character when Khali gives him... just nothing.  I know know if Khali had a line or if he was drunk or something but yikes.  Anyway, RVD comes out, and apparently he speaks fluent Hindi or Bengali or whatever the fuck Khali speaks, because he acts as a translator and gives them both RVD branded rolling paper.  (NOTE TO SELF - find this product if/when you go to Michigan.)

Riddle scoots off to defend his United States championship against Sheamus.  Sheamus is now a brawler and is generally awesome as an Irish dickhead you'd never want to meet in an actual back alley fight.  

Riddle has the CGI doves that come out when he kicks off his sandals and my god someone has to say the word No to Vince every once in a while.  Note, Riddle is also, allegedly, someone you'd never what to meet in an actual back alley.   Allegedly.

So, anyway, Sheamus is exactly the right kind of guy Riddle should be facing off with.  A guy who can work really stiff, make you look like a tough motherfucker, and has zero problems putting anyone over.  Riddle is good when he's grounded and not chasing someone around who's doing flippy stuff because that brings out the worst in him.  

Fortunately, these two have a very fun stiff brawl.  Really tucking in their shots and making everything look like it's giving the other one internal bleeding.  Along the way, Riddle does a picture perfect 1998 Goldberg style Jackhammer, that he really should use more often.  

To the finish, it looks like the planned finish was a Super White Noise. Someone fucked up something because they fall off.  But they finished with a neat spot where Riddle goes for a quebrada (or moonsault?) off the ropes and EATS a Brogue Kick flush.   

Yeah, that's more than enough.   New US Champion.  

This was a good ass brawl, better than a standard TV match because both guys were working up to the level of WrestleMania and that's all I can ask for.  

Sheamus leaves triumphant, Riddle is bleeding and looking like he got kicked in the fucking mouth.  (Which, you know.... good.  Allegedly.)

End of Day 132. 

[twiztor]

4 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

Anyway, RVD comes out, and apparently he speaks fluent Hindi or Bengali or whatever the fuck Khali speaks, because he acts as a translator and gives them both RVD branded rolling paper.  (NOTE TO SELF - find this product if/when you go to Michigan.)

in case you don't make it to Michigan....

https://www.ebay.com/itm/274793096367?hash=item3ffaf1e4af:g:ESIAAOSw6gZd6e4S

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 133

The hometown wrestler always jobs.  

This story has happened over and over, so much so, it's a legitimate shock when it doesn't.  Well, in the weeks leading up to Mania, the WWE has made a *HUGE* deal about Big E returning home to Tampa. Big over the top returns to his high school and stadium, and all that stuff. Which is great and all, but it almost feels like this is the hype package for a guy they're about to put the world title on.  But, he's the Intercontinental Champ, so that's odd.

On the other end, there's Apollo Crews. Apollo spend roughly 30 seconds in NXT before he got called up to the main roster. But, as a lot of people feared, he quickly got lost in the mix as they already had a muscular powerhouse babyface in... well, Big E.  So, apparently the dude who was born in Sacramento decided since his ancestors were from Nigeria, he now will be a heel and speak with a (vaguely) Nigerian accent - like, this is 'Halle Berry in X-Men' level acting.  Plus he has a metal Q-tip with him now too. Thankfully, he did say he was using his "real voice" now and not just changing it out of the blue.  Anyway, he attacks Big E and challenges him to a "Nigerian Drum Fight".  

No one knows what a Nigerian Drum Fight is.  

NDF apparently means no DQ, but I'm guessing (and probably more hoping) that they were aiming for something a lot cooler. Like, anything else. 

Wale comes out and does Big E's theme as he enters.  Apollo is decked out in White and Green to remind you, once again, he's Nigerian. 

While this promises to be a fun power vs. power match up, it never really gets out of first gear.  This is because: a) the gimmick is kind of overshadowing the match, b) the two of them are going for it, but just aren't really clicking, and c) the match is only like 5 minutes long.  So, yeah before you know it, Big E appears to have the match won when some unnamed tall guy walks in chokeslams the fuck out of E and allows Crews to capture his first IC championship. 

The funny part of this is, the Unnamed Tall Guy, is someone who has been seen AND named before on WWE television.  In NXT he was "Babatunde", and as early as a couple of months before this, he was Shane McMahon's prized fighter "Daba Kato" in the Raw Underground thing they tried.  

So, once again, the hometown boy drops the decision in front of his hometown crowd. And though Crews would hold the title until the summer, he never really got a chance to shine here. Probably because the shine was blocked by all the drums and stuff by ringside that were never used.