Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown

[tbarrie]

9 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

"Corre" btw, looks like the British way of spelling something that looks like it should sound one way, but is actually pronounced 'quarry' or something.  (For another example of this, see the word "Quay".)  

Wait, how do Americans spell "quay"?

[Curt McGirt]

Kraftwerk pronounced "Bowie" like they were French. 

[Gordi the former AEW fan]

28 minutes ago, tbarrie said:

Wait, how do Americans spell "quay"?

"wharf"

[Brian Fowler]

3 hours ago, twiztor said:

i, as an American, have never heard someone refer to the rockstar as anything but "Bow-ee"

Agreed. Or the knife, either.

[AxB]

Yeah well, you probably think Spitting rhymes with Kidding.

[Dolfan in NYC]

CM Punk is never going to wrestle for WWE again. 

Whenever someone in my life tells me "This guy feuding against Punk would be amazing."  I say, Yeah, but he's never coming back.  How can I be so sure?  This match was set up because back in 2009 while he was hurt, Punk went on commentary as a color guy. He basically INSTANTLY was better than everyone WWF/E had thrown out there in 25+ years.  Smart, witty, quick on his feet, informative, and above all else, sold the product and sold the performers in the ring.  (He was basically who Corey Graves thinks he is, but fails miserably at being.)  

Well, during that phase, during a random match Randy Orton knocked over CM Punk's Diet Pepsi.  Two *years* later, Punk exacted his revenge by costing Orton the WWE Championship at the Rumble.   So yeah, Punk holds grudges, and he's never, ever coming back. 

So, this match is a lot more fun than it has any right to be.  Mainly because it's fun when young Randall decides he's in the mood to work with his opponent rather than go through all of his stuff (see the Legacy match last year).  The main idea is that Randy's knee is gimpy and Punk is more than happy to exploit that weakness.  However, since it's noted snake (or Viper) Randy Orton, you can never tell if he's just suckering you in or not.  So it's a pretty good back and forth.   At one point early, Punk thinks he can nail the Go 2 Sleep and almost eats an RKO for his hubris.  

Later on, Orton's knee actually IS in pain, and stops him from maintaining offense against Punk.  Eventually, Orton's got Punk where he wants him, does the whole ring pounding thing he did (until he legit injured himself in the process once)... but then remembering how much Punk has put him through since January opts for a PUNT~ instead.  His knee gives out as he's about to go for it, and Punk thinks "lol time to die Randy"... BUT, it's a double cross and Punk AGAIN has to barely escape an RKO.  He's trying to fight his way back in, and does the stupidest thing you can do in a Randy Orton match... he goes for head-first offense off the ropes.  

RKO outtanowhere ends the match decisively.  

This is one of those times that the "outta nowhere" part works because Punk clearly was coming in with a flying clothesline, which is part of his normal move set.  Randy is smart enough to know that and have his murderous counter ready.  So often, the outta nowhere comes when a guy is doing some move that looks like it's completely foreign to them or they're just diving headfirst at the guy.  And it's like, yeah, what did you expect to happen?  

Well, in this case, the end of my ride, because up next is a long, LONG match, and the biggest tHHHreat to THE STREAK~ yet...

End of Day 83. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

And just a little inside baseball...  

I've been down in Florida visiting the family and working remotely for the last two weeks.  It's been an incredibly welcome change of scenery, but in the time I've been down here, I obviously have not been doing my exercise bike rides.  (Mainly because I'm staying with my sister, who has a pool. Yeah, I'm lucky.)

Anyway, I had a whole debate with my myself to see if I could finish Mania 27 before I left, but unfortunately that wasn't in the cards.  But, I'm flying back tomorrow (unfortunately), and, at least fortunately for this exercise, I have to quarantine for 2 weeks.   

So, if you've come with me so far on this journey, I thank you.   

Keep reading, I'm gonna keep on biking. 

Plenty more to come. 

[Shartnado]

I really appreciate your reasoning when it comes to CM Punk holding grudges! Brilliant!

[Dolfan in NYC]

I should note, when I wrote the above I completely forgot about Cole vs. Lawler.  

I'll tell you the only thing that's worth noting about what's one of the worst segments in WrestleMania history.  The whole thing seems like it's a gigantic, enormous fucking rib on Lawler.  It's like Jerry  in 1992 made a wish to be a marquis WrestleMania match up at least once before his retirement, and a somewhere in a far away land a monkey curled it's finger.  

This thing was 20+ fucking minutes long.  Nothing, nothing, nothing worked.  I had forgotten (or blocked out) in fact how completely cringeworthy the entire thing was.  

The only way it could have been worse is if Lawler had his heart attack here instead of a year later. 

THIS was the end of Day 83. 

[tbarrie]

At least it was better than the match that followed.

[BobbyWhioux]

one thing for Cole/Lawler is it demonstrated another reason why managers are good and should be brought back:

Jack Swagger was in Cole's corner calling spots for the match and, since he was acting as Cole's manager, he could be as loud and brazen as he wanted about it, because the manager role perfectly lampshades this as merely coaching the managed wrestler. And it plays even better when said wrestler is green and/or a non-wrestler wrestling such as Michael Cole. Of course he'd need someone telling him what moves to do.

This is not to imply, of course, that Swagger did this well enough to rescue this segment.

[Curt McGirt]

Swagger called the match. Jack fucking Swagger. From ringside. 

[thee Reverend Axl Future]

Jerry Lawler would be in my "Top 5 To Lay Out A Match That Involved A Non-worker/wrestler", cf. Andy Kaufman.

- RAF

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 84

"It's only hubris if I fail." - Julius Caeser

So the Undertaker was seeking his 8th world championship in a feud with Kane, but ended up on the short side of the stick when it turned out he needed rotator cuff surgery.  His slider mechanics were all wrong, it seems.   Anyway, when it came time for Mania season, he was back in a new cowboy of the dead type persona.  And wouldn't you know, the day he came back from injury, was the SAME DAY another dude, named HHH came back from his OWN injury.  Well, this faux paus is simply TOO MUCH.  And they decide to have an Emily Post Manners (known in the common parlance as "No Holds Barred") match at WrestleMania as a result.  

HHH comes out to very generic rock music (as they have overdubbed "For Whom The Bell Tolls") and a bunch of dudes in shields.  Then Lemmy comes on and it's time to sprint.   Hunter's in the ring for what seems like a long ass while before Taker's music hits.  In basically, the worst thing that could have happened to this match, they've overdubbed Johnny Cash with Taker's entrance music.  I'll also note, you can actually tell Taker is into the Cash song, because he's got a little extra something in his entrance.  Not that Undertaker's entrances aren't almost always awesome, but this one... you can just see the extra burst of energy in his steps.  

The bell rings, and Hunter begins to extol the virtues of Lemmy, and how he was a better guitarist than Cash ever was. Undertaker takes great exception to that, and is firing back with bombs of his own.  Now basically, the story that's been built up for the last month or so is that HHH is the one man left that can end the streak (and that WrestleMania X7 never existed). So this is the first time to hear the commentary team (JR and a subdued Lawler, no Cole, thank god) actively talk about the STREAK~ as if it's in the past, and how much of an accomplishment it was.  

To that end, Hunter and Taker are both going for finishers SUPER quickly.  Like less than 5 minutes in and both guys have tried to hit a Pedigree or Chokeslam.  And it wouldn't be long before they actually DO hit finishers well before the 10 minute mark (of a 30 minute match).  Also, HHH counters the only Old School attempt, so it's back to 1 above .500 - 10 for 19 now).   And actually, I'm going to take back the Thank God Cole is gone thought I had, because HHH and Taker destroy the Cole Mine (okay, that's a clever name), and it would have been fucking ACES if he were actually in that thing when it got destroyed.  Oh well. 

Anyway, the match gets weird after the first third, because it starts turning into a Finisher spam-off.  Like seriously, a mid-tier PWG guy would look at this and say, maybe cool it a little?  Taker gets a chokeslam, a Last Ride, AND 2 Tombstones... all of which were not enough.  Meanwhile, HHH got two Pedigrees off and those weren't enough either.  Worst part about it was that the crowd didn't buy any of them except possibly the last Pedigree as a potential finish.   It's odd, but it feels like this match is bombing. (PUN!)

The most famous moment of this was HHH trying to put a definitive end on the Streak after a THIRD Pedigree (Hunter pls!) failed and attempting a Tombstone, just out of pure hubris.  Well, a bunch of guys before you have tried it HHH and it always ends the sa...   Oh wait, he actually hit it.  Well, the crowd sure woke up for that.  HHH's Midcarder Burial only gets 2.  

Hunter's been screaming at Taker to stay down... much like Undertaker did to his buddy the year before.  Undertaker is way too defiant for that.   So HHH is out of the ring now to get the ol' Sledgehammer of Plot and finish this once and for all.   And HHH's hubris takes over once again, as he's telling Undertaker he's going to end it once and for a...

Hell's Gate.  

Oh, Hunter you idiot.  

All he had to do was one more Pedigree, or whatever he wanted, and it was basically over.  HHH fights and fights and fights... (to the point that he crowd got quiet because they were sure he was breaking out of this).  But, there's no escape.   Hunter gently  taps out to Taker's super-finisher, and Taker goes to 19-0. 

There's very strangely no celebration here by the participants.  There's a HUGE pyro display and the trons all say 19-0, but Taker is out.  HHH actually looks concerned for Taker once he's out of the ring and Taker needs the Medical Staff to carry him to the back.   I honestly don't remember if this was  a legit thing or not, but Undertaker wouldn't show up for another 9 months, so... who knows.  If it was a work, it was a damned good one.   

The match....  eh.  I was a much bigger fan of it the first time I saw it.  It got way too spammy too quick for my liking and ultimately Taker got bailed out by HHH's hubris.  And that's ultimately what this match was, a testament to a man who could have ended the Streak, but had to show off, and paid in the end.  

--

This was this morning's ride.  Tonight, Ride 2 and it's Main Event Miz....

yeesh.  

[AxB]

Umm... Lemmy played Bass, not Guitar.

[DJ Hero Morganti]

I think i remember talking with some folks about how defending the streak was actively killing Taker(the character)  He kinda talked about the matches on the Last Ride doc.  But I think that was the story they were trying to imply.  Like He is winning the fights but the toll its taking on him to win is crazy.  Which fits in with the bomb throwing that happened in that match.

[DreamBroken]

2 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

DAY 84

HHH comes out to very generic rock music (as they have overdubbed "For Whom The Bell Tolls") and a bunch of dudes in shields.  Then Lemmy comes on and it's time to sprint.   Hunter's in the ring for what seems like a long ass while before Taker's music hits.  In basically, the worst thing that could have happened to this match, they've overdubbed Johnny Cash with Taker's entrance music.  I'll also note, you can actually tell Taker is into the Cash song, because he's got a little extra something in his entrance.  Not that Undertaker's entrances aren't almost always awesome, but this one... you can just see the extra burst of energy in his steps.  

Alternatively, 

 

[Brian Fowler]

I'm 90% sure the story of Punk's revenge on Orton was about the punt that took Punk out of a multi-man match and ended his first world title reign. Hell, I think it was Cena who spilled the Diet Pepsi.

Anyway, yeah, this year and the next they were subtly shifting the Streak storyline from "Can wrestler X possibly end the streak" to "Can Undertaker possibly keep the streak going against wrestler X"

I don't care what anyone else thinks, that's Triple H's best match, Taker's second best match, and the best match in WrestleMania history.

[NikoBaltimore]

14 hours ago, DreamBroken said:

Alternatively, 

 

I at first was going to say "Damn, that's actually a pretty good custom video somebody did."  Then I saw this was actually done by them for the NBC recap and I'm laughing heartily at it now.  Not sure why they thought Katy Perry worked for an Undertaker video but more power to them I guess.

[Dolfan in NYC]

Ride 2

Hey remember Jersey Shore?  

Very recently, the owners of the house have been talking about knocking it down because too many people are STILL congregating outside of it.  (Especially this year.) So, yeah basically, it's the Amityville Horror of New Jersey.  Speaking of horrors!

LayCool, Vickie Guerrero, and Dolph Ziggler are here to denounce the evils of JS and one of it's main protagonists, Nicole E. "Snooki" Polizi.  Here to counter their argument is John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Ms. Polizi herself. 

This match is about 3 minutes long and Stratus and McCool actually do the heavy lifting. (Trish is notably rusty.)  And Snooki actually busts out a very nice cartwheel splash to end the match. There was literally no reason for Vickie, Ziggler, Morrison, or Layla to be out there.  

This was literally a Raw segment that got elevated to Mania, probably because Vince thought it was mainstream cred.   I'd argue that JS's mainstream cred peaked and sharply declined after Ms. Polizi got decked in the bar, three years prior. 

So that's roughly on schedule for Vince.   

 

[John from Cincinnati]

I still find it amusing that Melina wanted the stink of this garbage hanging over her. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

The Miz cashed in his Money in the Bank late in 2010 to win the WWE Championship from Randy Orton, to the delight of many and the dismay of many more.  On paper, he was ready.  Decent, if aggressively unspectacular, in the ring.  Good looks, with an extremely punchable face.  And a promo that could shatter a man's soul with how quick and mean he could be. And he got this fucking spectacular promo video to open his match (Do yourself a favor and rewatch that.  It's really, really good.): 

... and then the bells rings.  

I'm not entirely sure as to why Main Event Miz failed, but a working set of theories: 1) He was never given a shot to be either a dominant champ, or a chickenshit Honky Tonk Man champ.  Always staying in the lukewarm due to bad booking.  2) He never got a signature win. 3) Alex Riley was his "back up muscle." 4) It's the fucking dude from Real World.  5) His title reign always seemed like an afterthought, even while he was champ. 6) He never took that next step up, by bringing a harder edge to his style (though it was hilariously bad when he tried that after he'd lost his belt in the summer). 7) It's the fucking Miz.  

So, the going theory is Cena is going to win the belt here, and challenge The Rock at next year's WrestleMania, as they've been trading barbs for the last few months.   And roughly zero percent of people think The Miz's reign as champ will survive the night.  Especially since, this match is now going on last and famously, no heel has gone over in the main event since 2001.  

You can tell Miz watched the promo above because he is clearly VERY emotional during his entrance.  All of his hard work, all of his commitment, all of his dedication, has led him to this moment.  It's Mike Mizanin shining through for a second, taking in this moment.  (Good for him.)

John Cena comes in as a gigantic gospel choir has come out and basically sung the praises of him and set him up as divine retribution to the Miz. The crowd who seemed extraordinarily ready to boo him, hold back and give him a decent little pop on his way to the ring.  Though, and I may be reading too much into the result of the match, but he's got "I'm jobbing" face.   But, the son of a bitch sprints fast to the ring, so that shaves off a good 30 seconds. (Good for him.)

I took a quick peek at the results before I started the match (more to get a match length than anything else) because I had no memory of this match other than Miz winning in a shitty way.  So, I was prepped as hell to throw all the bad reviews of this match squarely on Miz's back, but... you know what?  The one who has a downright terrible match isn't Miz,  it's Cena.  John is actively going at 3/4 speed, underselling, missing spots, missing timings, going for weak looking covers... it's really weird how notably off he is.  I have no idea if he is more worried about the end angle or doesn't care about the opponent or the match, but woof, this is a bad look for him. 

Miz, for his part, is doing absolutely fine.   He's moving crisply, he's hitting his spots, it looks like he's calling the match in a couple of spots.  Mind you, it's fucking WrestleMania and more importantly, the god damned main event, and these two are out here having a Raw match.   They're just not connecting and it really sucks, because you can see Miz pouring his heart into this, but Cena's not playing ball. 

Anyway, Cena dominates the majority of this match, and maybe that's what the problem is.  The crowd never ever buys that Miz has any shot at winning, and Cena's giving them no reason to.  Cena gets him into the AA after dispatching Riley, and the entire crowd thinks the match is over.   The AA only gets 2 to the absolute shock of the crowd.  You can tell a bunch of them were getting ready to boo and go home, because you can actually see people walking up the aisle.   I mean, it had all the hallmarks of a finish, just... without the finish.  

Cena knocks Miz out of the ring, sets him up in the timekeeper's corner, and tackles him over the railing in a very nice bump for both.  And the ref counts both guys out? Um.  Okay.

Well, the Rock apparently overrules everyone including the Anonymous Raw General Manager, and orders the match to restart immediately.  A power, that as host of WrestleMania, he does not have.  

Cena jumps at the opportunity, gets Miz back into the ring...   and immediately eats a Rock Bottom. A shocked, but half-dead Miz drags himself over to retain and hand John Cena his first loss at a WrestleMania. 

Once he's back on his feet, the Rock attacks the Miz and gives him a People's Elbow.  To ensure that he does not get over in any way, shape, or form. He celebrates as we fade to black.

This should have been a match built around how sneaky dangerous the champ was, despite what you think, and if he's going to win, let him be the one to win - not because of someone else.  If he's going to lose, make it be because of a single mistake he makes or because he thought he had the match won and screws up.  The ending of this match was indeed, hot garbage. 

---

Woof,  did this Mania live down to expectations.  The wrong people going over, the irrelevant celebrities all over the place, the catastrophically bad ending to the main event.  The Taker-HHH match was fine, but I personally didn't care for the bombs away style.  Otherwise, this one was just as forgettable as humanly possible.

But what the hell...  let's do it all again next year in Miami!  

(And since there are still about 15-20 minutes to go on this ride, lets march on.)

[AxB]

Miz got a concussion on the bump over the railing, and to this day has no memories of actually being in the match. Which is doubly unfortunate, being as he's a huge mark for Dwayne Johnson, and getting to work with his idol (in the main event of the biggest show of the year, no less) was a huge deal to him. But the only thing he remembers about it is watching replays.

[For Great Justice]

Oh yes, the only thing I really remember from this show as being excellent was the Hate Me Now video. Fantastic shit.

[Dolfan in NYC]

WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII

The WWE in 2011 put on a bad WrestleMania.  The year that followed though, was quite good, with the WWE run of the Summer of Punk and the all-time great match between CM Punk and John Cena at Money in the Bank. Also, Daniel Bryan turned heel and captured his first World Championship by cashing in his MitB contract.  Now, mind you there are definitely some low points in here. Outside of AJ Lee and Beth Phoenix, there was no one who could actually wrestle on the Women's side - so of course, Lee was used a manager.  Also Alberto Del Rio won the WWE Championship a couple of times, and Edge was forcibly retired by his all-but shattered neck.  

Well, let's see what we have in store for 2012, from Miami. It's the "Once In  A Lifetime" WrestleMania.   Fun fact, I was planning on going to this with friends since it would have been pretty cheap (family is in South Florida, so no hotel bills!), but the week before tickets went on sale, my job put up a No Vacations edict from March through May.  Mainly because a multi-million dollar project was going live on 4/1.   I ended up working about 70 hours that week!   I *definitely* could not have gone!   (The OT made a lot of credit card debt go away though. So, silver linings...)

Sheamus is out first and the crowd is still filing in.  As I'd heard, there was some security trouble at the stadium, and the crowd was very late getting in.  Sheamus had won King of the Ring in 2011, and now the 2012 Rumble, so he challenged Daniel Bryan (because he was too chicken to face CM Punk, I'd guess).  Sheamus is very much ready to take that next step up to become a main eventer, and I'd guess the hope was winning the title would be the thing to give him that final push.  

Daniel Bryan makes his WrestleMania debut, and is the first person since Hulk Hogan to debut as the world champion.  He's nominally a heel, but there is a groundswell building here.  He's doing his "Yes" chants on the way to the ring, and I'd honestly forgotten he was doing it this far back.  But as a testament to his getting over, the ENTIRE floor section of the crowd is doing the Yes chants with him.  Michael Cole is still sort of heelish, so he's extolling DB's skills and championship, which is the toned down way a heel commentator should be.  

DB had won the title at the December PPV by cashing in on Big Show, after getting completely fucked over by Teddy Long after a previous successful cash in on Mark Henry. 

So... I'm avoiding what happens next.   Because it's... unpleasant. 

Bryan asks his second, AJ Lee, for a kiss, receives it, and walks into a Brogue kick.  Sheamus has his 3rd world championship.  The crowd is stunned. 

18 seconds.  

There's a lot that can be written about what happened here.  Sheamus held on to the title for about 7 months after this, but the crowd was actively hostile to him a long period during that. He wouldn't hold the title again for 3 years.  The more interesting path is Bryan's though...

It easily arguable that Daniel Bryan is the recipient of the biggest negative push in pro wrestling history.  Constantly being berated or belittled by those in authority or on the mic.  I think there's  a case to be made that if "18 Seconds" doesn't happen... Team Hell No never happens...  The Yes Movement never happens... and more importantly, WrestleMania XXX definitely does not happen.  

Now I'm no fool. I'm positive the WWE fell ass backwards into the Daniel Bryan story.  Nothing would ever indicate they had the long term vision to create a 3 year long arc for this character.  But the overwhelming Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent, that Bryan Danielson brought to the table, got him to where he is today.  

So, maybe, just maybe... the worst thing that ever happened to Daniel Bryan, was simultaneously, the best. 

Maybe.