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Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown


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7 hours ago, caley said:

the story about Jindrak being tested as a member of Evolution

I never heard this (or even knew about Jindrak) before watching that and it cracked me up. You can totally see Orton as being that kind of meathead who gets the right guy next to him and they turn into the absolute worst pair of idiots on the planet. 

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The Rock N' Sock Connection story was one of those lightning in a bottle moments that absolutely should not have worked, but somehow did.  As I recall, the "This Is Your Life, Rocky" was supposed to lead to Foley turning on the Rock after they lost their tag team match leading to a program for them.  But, the two of them made an iconic segment and the rest was history.  Anyway, there was a new HHH-led faction named Evolution, representing the past (Ric Flair), present (HHH), and future (Randy Orton & Batista) of wrestling. I'll just say, boy did they get the casting right there.   So, Foley's cutting his standard pre-match promo, and the Rock comes and just blows the roof off the joint within 15 seconds of speaking.  Amazing.  

Handicap matches are usually meant as punishment to a cheeky babyface, or to get a giant monster over, so to run a 3 on 2 match, where the larger group are the ones to get over, is interesting booking. Evolution comes out first, with Flair getting a VERY nice pop.  This is his first WrestleMania match since losing to Undertaker a few years prior.  Next up, are the Rock & Sock, and I'm actually a hair annoyed that Fink didn't give Foley the hometown pop by saying "From Long Island, NY" since this was the last time he'd enter a WrestleMania ring (so far).  

So, the match begins in earnest and two things become clear in the story within a couple of minutes, a) R&S are doing everything they can to keep Batista out, and b) Orton is going to be a huge star.  Flair and Rock are doing a selling exhibition for each other, and the crowd *DOES NOT* appreciate Rocky doing the strut after robbing them of Flair's. Whoever set up this match did a very good job because Orton, while working a majority of the match, does his best to avoid Mick at all costs. (Well, while Mick is upright.)  Also, Big Dave is just standing on the ring apron looking terrifying, but I cannot take him seriously because of his ridiculously early '00's soul patch.  (I'm gonna need a @piranesi thought on this. My thought is, Chad Kroeger after the Spiderman song money dries up and he can't afford blonde dye.) Also, it's clear Batista shops at Costco because he paid for a 6 pack and got 8 instead!  

We move along and Evolution is dominating Foley, who's still as good at selling as he ever was.  I half-wonder, if they'd given him the Undertaker-patented once-a-year schedule, if he'd have taken it.  Knowing how bad his concussion issue was, though, I'm glad that didn't happen.  

Finish comes as Rock has finally been tagged in and beats the unholy piss out of Batista and Flair. Foley has *finally* gotten the better of Orton, who looks terrified at the monster he's created.  Months and months of torture by the bully picking on the big kid are all about to be turned around, because that big kid is angry as fuck and has the bully exactly where he wants him. To the point, that Foley makes a *BIG* deal about pulling out Mr. Socko... he turns to finish off Orton...

WHAM!    R  K  O out of fuckin nowhere.  

Foley will not get his revenge, Randy looks in shock, and Dave and Ric quickly pull him out of the ring to celebrate.  The crowd is PISSED and a star is born.  

I really remember, the crowd (and myself), being completely shocked and disappointed by the finish.  The years have been *extremely* kind to this match.  It was the absolute right pace, booking, and decision. Orton takes his big step up the card and the Rock & Sock Connection take their final bow.    Yeah, that was much better than I remembered, and reminded me why I'm doing this whole thing to begin with.  

End of day 59. 

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DAY 60

So now comes the Playboy Evening Gown match.  Typically the EG stip works that the winner strips the loser, and after she wins, strips herself. #feminism   The returning Sable is teaming with Torrie Wilson against Stacy Kiebler and Jackie Gayda.  They decide to all strip (except Jackie) because the dresses are skin tight, and frankly would probably all rip within 5 seconds of athletic movement in them.  

Look. As you all know, I'm a gay man, and there was nothing about this match that did anything for me.  But, I thought about equivalencies.  So, let me show you the rough equivalent of this match from my side of the aisle.  

Yup... 

Sable wins because Vince didn't learn his lesson the first time. 

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Ooh, that evening gown match.  I'm glad I quickly forgot about that.

Instead I do want to point out what really stuck with me watching it at the time was Orton's reaction at the end.  He's outside with Evolution, realizes he's a made man and can't help but almost cry at the realization.  It was evident then as it was watching years later just how huge a deal this was for him.  And no matter how heelish he would be after that I couldn't help but really like him.

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The WWE Cruiserweight championship is such a weird, weird thing. Vince starts the division (again) in the 90's when WCW tears up the American market by taking everyone worth a damn from Mexico and Japan. He hires the scraps and leftovers, and then forgets they exist within about 4 months.  In this case, he made a big deal about moving the entire CW division to Smackdown, because of course you're going to take away time from the show with less of it.  So, anyway, as Mania 20 rolls around, Chavito is sort of feuding with Rey Mysterio, but there are 8 other guys in the division, so let's put them all in a gauntlet match!  

It's called the "Cruiserweight Open", but it's literally a gauntlet match (with all competitors starting at ringside). The only variant as always is where the champion starts, and since both the champ (Chavito) and the authority figure (Bischoff) are heels, the champ enters last. And since names are important, the participants are: Chavito (c), Ultimo Dragon, Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Rey Mysterio, Tajiri, and Akio. 

Ultimo Dragon goes first, because... well, he's fucking Ultimo Dragon and they only got him for a few months.  Shannon Moore starts with him, and the sprint is on.  Now I can't go into every detail here, because the next 6 minutes or so are just spot after spot after spot. Kind of surprised they took out UD after only two guys though.  Eventually it boils down to Rey Rey & Chavo, because of course...  

They really should have just run that match instead.  Anyway, Rey hits a sweet spot where he uses the ref as a fulcrum to bounce to the outside and nail Chavo Sr.  But when comes back in, he gets rolled up like an idiot, and pinned as Chavito grabbed Classic's hand for leverage.  This was literally 'guys getting their stuff in.'  Even though the action was fine, it's a bit of a slough to go through because there's no real suspense that anyone other than Rey & Chavito were ending this match... based on the crowd reaction, they knew it too. 

SPEAKING OF CROWD REACTIONS....

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13 hours ago, zendragon said:

That kinda flukey win with Foleys reaction really help set up that Foley - Orton Hardcore match as well

On one hand, that match might be the best WWE garbage match ever.

On the other, how sad is it that Mick had to come out of retirement and go through all that abuse because nobody else on the roster was both capable and willing to make Orton?

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"You know he's leaving right?" 

"Goldberg?  Yeah, I'd heard."

"No... Brock."

New Yorkers, in my experience, can be some of the friendliest, most honest, most social creatures you'll ever find. If we have something to say, we will say it. If there's a conversation to be had, we'll have it. And if there's news to be shared...  "Well, yeah, Brock is apparently going to try out for the NFL. Despite not having played since high school." "Oh boy.  This is going to be fun."

So, knowing what I knew before that random conversation I had outside of MSG waiting to get in, here's what I was expecting: Brock, a heel, being the WWE guy, would get massively cheered by the MSG crowd.  Goldberg, a face, being a WCW guy AND leaving imminently, would get booed out of the building. Brock wins because, again, he's the WWE guy and staying.  Knowing that Brock was leaving too changed everything.  

So the build is very simple.  Goldberg is in the Rumble, looking dominant. Brock, who doesn't want to face him for the title, distracts him long enough for Goldie to get eliminated. A month later, Brock is in his final obstacle to a probable rematch with Angle at Mania for the title, has Goldberg interfere in his defense and costs him the WWE Championship. So, they hate each other now, and will fight. (The promo video focused HEAVILY on the Lesnar-Austin portion of this feud, which was SCSA getting installed as the guest ref by Vince. To the point that I was actively wondering if the original plan was Austin-Lesnar and Steve said no.) 

I was actually giddy in my seat, knowing something special was about to happen.  The people around me were chattering about it too.  And boy howdy, did it.  

Brock is out first to a chorus of boos.  Not just boos, but YOU SOLD OUT chants.  They are loud and sustained enough that JR has to actually acknowledge them (which I'm sure Vince was furious about). Goldberg comes out to mild cheers.  I distinctly remember everyone around me going silent, and really experiencing the piped in chants for the first time. We were unapologetic assholes in this match. There was no way either guy was getting cheered.  

So, the in ring participants instantly realize something's up with the crowd, with Goldberg sort of acknowledging it, Austin coyly smiling at it, and Brock being Grumpy Brock. The issue also is that these two guys clearly are in no mood to sell for each other, much less put on anything resembling a good match.  To the point that they don't tie up for about 3 minutes after the bell has rung...  even Austin looks actively annoyed. Say whatever you will about us in the crowd, but this match was awfully put together and executed even worse.  

They're doing a power vs power match, but sooner or later, one of the two has to go on a sustained offense, and that doesn't happen until about 10 minutes in. Til then it's headlocks and restholds a-plenty. Goldberg FINALLY hits a spear on Lesnar and that finally gets the crowd half excited... mainly because they still want to boo Goldberg. F5 gets 2.  And finally a spear & jackhammer finish for Goldie in what is easily the most sarcastic applause you'll ever hear out of a Mania crowd.  

Lesnar says his goodbye to the fans by telling them they are number 1.  Kick Wham Stunner.  Enjoy the NFL and Japan, Bork.

Goldberg drinks a beer with Austin to celebrate his win.  Kick Wham Stunner. (All but no sold.) Godspeed Billy.

That was a joy to relive. There was an absolutely unique energy in the crowd for this match. For better or worse, it's a once in a lifetime experience I'm glad to say I participated in.

End of Day 60. 

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See how Triple H never really used the Indian Deathlock before the Booker T Mania match, and never really used it after, but was all about it during the match itself? I think there's a reason for that. I think it's because there's no move called the African Deathlock but H figured it was as geographically close as you could get.

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'Mania XX holds a special place in my heart. I'd moved back home to Canada after several years in the Czech Republic and was really enjoying watching wrestling again and in particular the rise of Eddie and 

Spoiler

Benoit.

I went with a friend to the multiplex to watch XX as it was happening, on the big screen, with a cinema full of crazed fans. We had an absolute blast. Your write-up so far is really bringing back memories of what a fun card that was. I specifically remember wishing that Brock and 'Berg could have heard our boos (like they heard yours) since we were all going ape in the theater. 

I envy you being there and being part of that. How awesome!

The closest thing I have experienced to that was making the road trip to Calgary for the subsequent Backlash and being part of a Calgary crowd screaming "YOU SCREWED BRET!" at HBK. That was also satisfying. It's so petty and vindictive, but it's also participating in Canadian pro wrestling tradition and history. Damn near every fan in the building was screaming at the top of their lungs . I got literal goosebumps. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

(Alright, I took a week off because I was in a cabin in the New Hampshire woods.  I'm a few days behind on my write-ups, so I'm back and back on my shit.  Let's keep diving into Mania 20...)

DAY 61

Up next is the WWE Tag Team Championships (the Smackdown belts).  This is extremely a "let's get guys on the show" match.  
Kurt Angle had soft-retired after Mania XIX, so that left Team Angle to wander for a little before renaming themselves as The World's Greatest Tag Team. (2020 cynical me thinks this is also because Vince was too much of a coward to pull the trigger on Shelton Benjamin getting the super singles push.) Frankly, SB deserved better than a five minute filler match.  Anyway, the champs are 2 Cool - without Grandmaster Sexay, who I believe had been fired at this point (I honestly don't care enough to check). The aPa are also challenging here as JBL is about 3 months from his own mega-singles push, probably because he made a joke near Vince about bombing Iraqis into the Stone Age, or told him to buy Amazon stock... who knows.  The last challengers are the Basham Brothers, who I believe are shitheads, but I do not remember anything about them.... at all. They are dressed like and look like the default create-a-wrestler model in WrestleMania 2000. 

There was a noticeable lull in the crowd.  Not so much because the NYC crowd didn't care about the performers (aPa was still over, TWGTT are too)... but it honestly feels like you can see them drained from the Brock/Goldie match.  The guys in the ring aren't doing much to get them back either. There's basically no story and no sustained action. It honestly feels like we're just waiting for the Clothesline from Hell, the Stinkface, and hopefully the title win by TWGTT.    Two out of three ain't bad, as Rikishi sat on An Basham and retained.   

They dance, and I'm struck by the lack of reaction from the crowd.  If this had followed ANY other match... NYC would very likely have booed 2 Cool's stale act.  

There's a hype video for Edge's return from (his FIRST) neck issue.  Oh 2004...

Jesse Ventura is out to interview Donald Trump, who was there to hype the first(!) season of The Apprentice, and was there with Don, Jr.  This whole thing appears to be the soft-launch of a Ventura '08 presidential campaign. 45 says he'd "fully financially back" Ventura if he ran.  The crowd is...nonplussed.  So am I.  

Why am I doing this to myself.  

 

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You know, I can understand why some disagree I guess, but i'll never get the idea that Shelton Benjamin was massively misused by the WWE. They built him up slowly in a tag team, gave him a big win over Triple H and had a good match with Shawn, and that was basically it. He wasn't a good promo, and his resume as a high level wrestler is pretty damned limited. 

 

Basically, I always thought D'Lo was a better "this guy should have gotten a bigger push" guy then Shelton.

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Every single time Jim Ross brings up *that* OVW class that had Cena, Orton, Lesnar, Angle, and Benjamin, he calls Benjamin "the best athlete" of the bunch, but he never explains what he really means by that and it baffles me. Like sure he's okay but if you're going to call that guy the best athlete of a group that featured a guy that nearly made the NFL after not playing football on, for all intents and purposes, a personal dare, and another guy that won an olypmic medal on a fucked neck then as a pro was doing moonsaults for laughs, I really need more explanation.

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Women's title match is up next as Victoria is up against Molly Holly in her (in-ring) Mania debut.  It's amazing how talented Molly was as a performer. From her days as Miss Madness to her stealing the show as the Holly family's best competitor.  She really gave it her all in the ring.  To wit... this is a title vs. hair match and there was roughly no way in hell they were going to NOT have her lose her hair after they spent all that money on a barber chair and that set up.  

Anyway, the match itself is actually kind of a disappointment.  Victoria and Molly are both very good in ring performers, but for whatever reason, they just didn't mesh well here.  They were both trying, but it didn't seem like they were ever on the same page.  The only spot that impressed me was a top rope power bomb that the crowd actually bought as the finish... but Vic kicks out.  Molly does the heel mistake of trying to put the face in her own finisher and sure enough... Victoria reverses, Widow's Peak, and Molly gets to visit the barber's chair. 

Molly tries to run, but Victoria catches her and drags her to the chair.   The crowd was happy about that, but it's extremely clear that Vince wanted this to move faster as you can all but hear him screaming Cut her hair faster!  I say this because the hype video for our next match is all set to go...

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2 minutes ago, Death From Above said:

Every single time Jim Ross brings up *that* OVW class that had Cena, Orton, Lesnar, Angle, and Benjamin, he calls Benjamin "the best athlete" of the bunch, but he never explains what he really means by that and it baffles me. Like sure he's okay but if you're going to call that guy the best athlete of a group that featured a guy that nearly made the NFL after not playing football on, for all intents and purposes, a personal dare, and another guy that won an olypmic medal on a fucked neck then as a pro was doing moonsaults for laughs, I really need more explanation.

Its tempting to say that's the coded use of "ath-a-lete" that used to be used to describe black players, akin to "pace and power" the now criticized phrase to describe black futbolers. 

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2 minutes ago, Death From Above said:

Every single time Jim Ross brings up *that* OVW class that had Cena, Orton, Lesnar, Angle, and Benjamin, he calls Benjamin "the best athlete" of the bunch, but he never explains what he really means by that and it baffles me.

I don't recall Angle being mentioned as a part of that class. 

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8 minutes ago, Death From Above said:

Every single time Jim Ross brings up *that* OVW class that had Cena, Orton, Lesnar, Angle, and Benjamin, he calls Benjamin "the best athlete" of the bunch, but he never explains what he really means by that and it baffles me. Like sure he's okay but if you're going to call that guy the best athlete of a group that featured a guy that nearly made the NFL after not playing football on, for all intents and purposes, a personal dare, and another guy that won an olypmic medal on a fucked neck then as a pro was doing moonsaults for laughs, I really need more explanation.

I was listening to Cornette's (I know, I know) review of Raw Underground, and he got into this. The basic gist is Shelton would never blow up, never really worked out, ate like shit, and was always in shape and delivered. During his ROH run, he finally started joking he was getting to be an old man because he actually had to get in the gym.

And Eivion is correct. Angle was not a part of this class. 

Edited by Andy in Kansas
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20 minutes ago, odessasteps said:

Its tempting to say that's the coded use of "ath-a-lete" that used to be used to describe black players, akin to "pace and power" the now criticized phrase to describe black futbolers. 

Thing is he used it all the time for Billy Gunn too, whose main athletic trait is "being tall".

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