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Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown


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On 6/15/2020 at 11:42 AM, Dolfan in NYC said:

DAY 47

Vince vs. Stephanie vs. Shane vs. Linda in a Fatal Four Way match for the WWF Championship. It's actually striking that there's no video package to give the final build up to this match.  They've been doing promos all day, and it almost feels out of place that there's nothing here to wrap a bow around this because it's.... involved.  Lemme see if I can try this...

People who were annoyed a few years ago when the show was all McMahons all the time need to remember this time in the Fed's history.  HHH & Stephanie were essentially the on-air monarchs of the WWF, having disposed of Vince & Shane, and with Linda never descending her ivory tower.  Vince is a face at this point, having been turned on by Stephanie in December, so he's leading Team Rock (who's repeatedly told Vince to fuck off, he doesn't want or need his help).  Shane was just being a crafty little shit, and is trying to push the Big Show to the title since he: a) technically tied at the Rumble and deserved a title shot, and b) is using the big doofus as a way to retake power.  Linda has seen Mick Foley's career end at the hand of HHH (CLEANLY btw) and said he deserved a shot to main event because... sure why not. 

 

If you believe Chris Jericho, he was supposed to be in this match in Foley's place, he claims to have even seen a poster with his face on it then the next time he saw it, Foley was in his spot.  This is right around the point that Vince had soured on Jericho, so it would make sense that he was scripted to be in that spot and Vince vetoed it.

On 6/17/2020 at 8:32 AM, Dolfan in NYC said:

  

We're on to six man action as Tazz & the aPa are fighting Right to Censor.  The RTC is *hyper over*.  Jesus.  I'd forgotten how much they were despised. Looking back, they were one main eventer away from being one of the biggest groups in history.  Like RTC Kurt Angle would have been amazing. Thing is though, Vince did the RTC as an on screen representation of the Parents Television Council, so this was always meant to be a jobber team... but they just got over in spite of everything.  So, RTC's team is the Goodfather, Val Venis, and Bull Buchanan, they are seconded by (no longer Dancin') Stevie Richards.  I'll also note that this is Goodfather's 4th Mania gimmick.

I was so over the Godfather and his ho train at this point (Despite being right in the target demographic for his BS) so I was excited to see him join the RTC and I remember thinking "Man, they should change his name to the GOODfather" just before they announced it and laughing so hard when they actually did.

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18 minutes ago, caley said:

If you believe Chris Jericho, he was supposed to be in this match in Foley's place, he claims to have even seen a poster with his face on it then the next time he saw it, Foley was in his spot.  This is right around the point that Vince had soured on Jericho, so it would make sense that he was scripted to be in that spot and Vince vetoed it.

For the longest time the Network used the original poster with him on it. It may still be there, unless they recently changed it.

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1 hour ago, Death From Above said:

Remember in No Mercy they didn't have time to add the Big Show so in the game's story mode Stevie Richards canonically was in the Wrestlemania main event

I believe he was in it, but they cut him out as punishment for getting fatter. This and sending him to OVW.

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So the last year has been weird for the McMahons. Through a bunch of turns and machinations, the alignment going into Mania is Vince and Stephanie are heels, Shane is a babyface, and Linda is a vegetable. Linda's being drugged by Vince to keep her catatonic while he's fucking Trish (who is hated by Stephanie, in a gender reversed Oedipus style).  Well, anyway Shane had been in exile for awhile but resurfaced as WCW went bankrupt to buy it out from under his dad. Oh, and he's also pissed about his mom being drugged and stuff.  

Alright, so this is a street fight.  So, anything and everything goes. I'll start by noting that it's weird seeing Shane and Vince come out to the same music. I don't think Shane got "Here Comes The Money" until after the Invasion storyline ended and he turned face again, but I'm probably wrong about that.  

Shane controlled the first part of the match for the most part.  But it's pretty fun to notice that both Vince and Shane can't do the basic stuff like punches and kicks without making it look like ass, so, maybe that's just hereditary.   We're biding time for Trish to bring Linda out so she can watch Vince destroy her son.  Shane goes through the Spanish table in a pretty nasty looking spot after Vince was pulled to safety and here's Trish.  

Trish all but instantly turns on Vince for humiliating her for months on end. Stephanie takes exception to this and they start fighting. Referee Mick Foley pulls them apart with Steph slapping the shit out of him. That's probably not the best idea she's ever had.  He chases her away and now Vince starts to menace Linda.  Foley comes back to defend her and eats a couple of chairshots as his reward.  No good deed, you know?

This has been ridiculously fun to relive so far.

Vince tosses her in, then a bunch of garbage cans, and sits her in a corner.  So now Shane's looking like he's about to die and Linda finally reveals the ruse.  She gets up (and the crowd REALLY pops for that), kicks Vince in the jimmies (HUGE pop)... ooh Foley's back... yeah, Vince is screwed.   This whole thing is great, even I'm smiling 20 years later.  Shane's now recovered and Vince has been beaten to a pulp by Mick and here's the Wrestlemania debut of the Van Shaneinator.    That's more than enough to end it. 

It's great when these guys are reined in, and have a fun, compelling, and relatable story to tell.  Because I for one would want to beat the fuck out of my dad if he was drugging my mom and fucking his assistant in front of her.  Maybe I'm alone on that, but maybe Shane and I are just momma's boys.  

End of Day 49. 

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On 6/19/2020 at 9:54 AM, Dolfan in NYC said:

I never really pondered on the coke fueled insanity that is Test's entrance theme.  Your brain will break if you sit there and read what is actually being said as you listen to a song you've heard a hundred times. 

I subject you to this, because Test is A1 the prime example of the type of guy Vince freaks out about.  Tall, muscular, imposing, and talentless. Going into X-Seven, he's in the middle of his first major singles face push as the European Champion.   

 

To be fair, it's his second push. His first was the Summer of '99, with the angle with Stephanie.

 

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On 6/19/2020 at 8:46 PM, odessasteps said:

I thought Louie Dondero was Pat's longtime partner. 

Since odessa already beat me to this, I will add maybe JR's constant "He's still single, ladies" joke was not just cause of the obvious but because Pat had his own infidelities. 

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DAY 50

I could literally copy and paste the set up for last year's ladder match and put it here.  The last year has been a huge war for the tag titles between Edge & Christian, The Hardyz, and the Dudleyz.  Much like last year, the Duds are coming in as champ.  The main difference is now all three teams have back up.  The Hardyz have Lita, Edge & Christian have Rhyno (for some reason), and the Bubba & D-Von have the runt of the Dudley clan, Spike.  (Out of curiosity, did any of the other Dudleys ever do anything else after ECW folded?  I honestly don't know if I heard about any of them after that.)   So we've now upgraded this feud from ladders, to include tables and chairs as well. TLC 1 stole the show at the last year's SummerSlam, and now they're back for more.  

Let's fucking go. 

Now, there is zero way I'm going to do justice to this match.  The six guys are just at the absolute peak of their game here. It's remarkable how this match builds on spots from the Mania match AND the SummerSlam match.  They are all dragging each other down, countering spots from the year before, putting guys through tables and generally just murdering each other (safe-ish-ly!) for our amusement.  A particularly nasty spot was Edge getting set up on a table and Bubba Ray powerbombing Jeff through Edge and the table. Goodness.   Later you know something good's going to happen because there are now three ladders in ring, and all six guys are climbing...  Oh dear.  

Well, as you can imagine, that went well for no one as guys got thrown down into the ropes, onto the mat, and poor Christian got sent all the way to the damned floor. (Looks like that was a fuck up on his part.)  Well, now everyone is dead... so why not bring on the extras!   Here comes Spike!  Dudley Dogs for all!  Rhyno is here!   GORE! GORE! GORE!   and one *nasty* gore through a table in the corner.  And last, here's LITA!   Huracanranas all around!   The crowd is going fucking berserk and I'm grinning from ear to ear.  No questions asked, this is great.  

Jeff builds on last year's ridiculous 20' ladder spot by going through TWO tables and TWO guys with one (1) Swanton Bomb.  And the next big thing is him almost walking across three ladder tops to get to the belts (but he slightly fucks that up and has to reclimb).  Edge and Bubba have both recovered enough to see what's happening and work together.  Bubba takes away Jeff's escape route by removing the ladder from underneath him, and Edge just spears the holy hell out of Jeff from the belts to the fucking floor, in one of the most famous spots in Wrestlemania history.  The crowd is so crazed right now they don't know what to do with themselves.  

The end comes as Rhyno knocks Bubba and Matt through four tables outside.  Edge & Christian now only have D-Von to deal with.  D-Von and Christian are racing up the ladders, but while Edge holds D-Von's legs, Rhyno pushes Christian up the ladder for their 7th and final tag team championship.  

Motherfuck what a match. It's amazing this match was almost 20 years ago, and it could be held today with no one blinking an eye.  The 8 men and 1 woman involved gave the performance of their lives (to that point) and left nothing on the table.  Unbelievable. 

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I honestly think that TLC match is probably the greatest match of its kind ever done. It's a beautiful car crash. All the big spots work. Edge doing the spear off the ladder is a legendary moment. Even if it ever is and/or has been topped, all matches of this style will forever be compared to it.

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All the old Hardy/E&C(and Dudleys) ladder matches hold up extremely well.  The creativity, the precision, and most importantly THE PACE of those matches are unreal.  You’d think they would’ve been eclipsed in the past 20 years, but they really haven’t.  I’m not sure there’s one ladder match since then that stands out as clearly in my mind as the original TLC matches.

Ladder matches have honestly become kind of a drag in recent years.

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Rhyno was with E&C for the shockingly simple reason that he was a close friend of theirs in real life. They worked those Canada and northern U.S. indies together before making it.

Also, all versions of Team ECK/RECK/WRECK were awesome.

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Next up is the Gimmick Battle Royale.  I'd completely forgotten they got Mean Gene and Bobby The Brain back for commentary on this match. I kind of wish they'd left all 4 commentators go for this, because Lawler and Heenan verbally double-teaming JR would have been great.  As it was, Bobby just spends the entire match trying to make Okerlund break (and succeeds a couple of times).  

So, since you guys want the full list.... here are the participants: the Bushwackers, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, The Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink the Clown, Kamala, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter and the Gobbledygooker.  Couple of thoughts:  First Sheik looks really bad... like I'm amazed he made it to the ring and back - he looks like he's got a club foot, but it's apparently his crippling knee injury.  You can definitely see the group of guys who were using this as a possible comeback vehicle (Droese, Tugboat).  I wonder if Gang was yelled at for not bringing his Akeem gear.  And I'm genuinely shocked they got Hector (assuming it's still him) back into the Gooker outfit.  Though getting paid for 10 minutes of work and getting to hang out with your nephew again... sure why not. 

The match itself is super quick and over basically before it begins.  Guys go flying out (well as much as they can) pretty quickly.  Sheik, Hillbilly Jim, Slaughter, and Gobbledy are the final 4. (It should also be noted that the GG seemed to finally mark the end of the over the top cartoon gimmicks in the mid-late 90's, because of how badly the character flopped.)  So Sheik wins the match and fuck Sgt. Slaughter for interrupting Sheik's victory celebration by being a sore loser and putting him in the cobra clutch.   Jeez dude, you lost, get over yourself...   ACAB indeed.  

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"Please welcome our guest commentators, Gene Okerlund and Bobby the Brain Heenan!"

"It's great to be back, Tony"

"Tony? Who the hell is Tony?"

And JR smirks. You'd think he'd have a bit more sympathy for someone getting a name wrong on live TV, but maybe he was stressed that if Heenan had done well, he'd have been re-hired permanently.

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So, the first 8 matches of The STREAK~ have all been guys who are mid-carders, there to put over The Undertaker, or are on their way out. Triple H marks the first time the opponent is a fellow main eventer, not there just to get Taker over, and is very much there to stay.  HHH for his part is kind of treading water at this point.  He'd just lost a hellacious match at No Way Out against Austin, he's relatively out of the title picture for a few months, and the Two Man Power Trip was still a few weeks away.  Undertaker is in kind of a similar place, and judging from the Last Ride documentary, the most interesting thing is that this 2001 version of Taker, seems very much to be the closest to "Mark Calaway" than any other (right down to the red hair).  So the main story was HHH has beaten everyone... except The Undertaker.   That's it.  Simple and effective.

Also, I'd forgotten in the build to this match, the "I'll make you famous" line was uttered here. Well, one of the opponents became (mainstream) famous, but he's about 6 Manias away. 

So, I'll take a step back here for a sec. During the before times, when I was allowed to go to this place called "the gym" and do exercise and cardio, one of my things was to catch up with NXT from that week while I was running. There are some theme songs that really get your blood flowing and pump you up, to me, Bianca Bel Air's does that.  Just hits all the right notes, sends the right message about who you're about to see, is unique, and which, for lack of a better word... slaps.  So, whenever Bianca came out on TV, that was a signal to my brain - SPRINT - no matter where you are in the run, no matter how tired you are...  GO.  Fast as you fucking you can, you fat fuck. (Sorry about the self-loathing there.)   

Anyway, Lemmy pops up on my screen and tells me he's going to kick my ass.  So, yes, for the remainder of this project, "Time To Play The Game" means it's time to sprint.  Do not question Lemmy.

I wonder if HHH and Taker had a friendly bet on "which of us will have the cooler entrance", because Undertaker comes out on a huge chopper and does the circling the ring bit while Limp Bizkit's "Rollin'" played.  Ah Limp Bizkit, there is nothing in this world that screams early '00's rock than them.  So, yeah, just based on the music alone, Hunter wins that one.  

JR notes that Taker is 8-0 now, so yeah, the legend of The STREAK~ is well underway. And pretty much as soon as they're both in the ring, so are they.  They set the tone of this at "BRAWL" very early and keep it Rollin' (pun!) from there. They're working pretty stiff and things really get moving when HHH introduces his favorite toy, a sledgehammer.  The ref, clearly wanting the match participants to, y'know, be alive at the end of this, takes the sledge away and Hunter eats a chokeslam for a close two.  Some of the crowd definitely bought that as the finish.  Oh, don't worry, there's plenty to go...

Taker did not like the two count and beats the shit out of Chioda in what REALLY should have been a DQ. But in reality just gives Chioda about a (infamous) 10 minute break. (Do referees dream of striped sheep?)  So Taker and HHH decide now's as good a time as any to head out and press the flesh.  So they bounce out into the crowd, and security is having an awful tough time keeping the Chads and Chuds off the guys... maybe get more guys over there stadium security?  So they head over to the Audio/Video stand set up by the hard cam. They're both exhausted just by the trip over there, but that doesn't mean we won't get chairshots, choke outs, and tossing off of scaffolding... (hmm... that last one sounds dirty -- I've been in quarantine too long).  

So they're killing each other up there and eventually fight back after Hunter's been tossed into a box (filled with padding) from about 10 feet up.  The crowd is seriously into this, btw.  They finally are back in the ring all but dead.  Speaking of which... Chioda hasn't moved in the whole time they've been out there.  Jeez, does he think he's Booker T or something?  

Alright, so the finish on this match...  now the false finisher thing has come into vogue at this point.  It's nowhere near as crazy as it has been recently, but Taker decides enough's enough with this fucking HHH, so he goes after the sledgehammer.  HHH goes low to prevent THAT little misdeed, and gets too cute by half, and goes for a Tombstone.  Undertaker -- who can still do this spot in 2001 -- flip counters it into a Tombstone of his own.  But Chioda is still dead.  

Alright, fine.  Taker goes over to kick-nudge him awake. Set's Hunter up for the Last Ride and whoopsie... Taker eats a straight shot of sledgehammer.  The crowd jumps to their feet for this... 1...  2...  KICKOUT.  *EVERYONE* bought that as the finish.  Taker does an obvious (and probably unneeded) blade job here to get over the viciousness of the shot -- but I think whatever they used as a sound sweetener (assuming that wasn't just Taker's head) sounded bad enough.  Hunter gets Taker into a corner and starts wailing on him from the second rope... oooh that's never a smart move for someone with a PowerBomb in their arsenal. And sure enough... Last Ride, see you in a decade Hunter.  Taker goes to 9-0.

I remember hating this match back in the day. I think it was because my friends convinced me the Chioda stuff was a bridge too far, and frankly, it is... but HHH and Taker both had their working boots on.  They got over a vicious brawl with a good, smart finish.  HHH had Taker beat, but instead of just pedigreeing him, decided to go to the corner to humiliate him and alpha dog him, and that cost him the match.  Two guys who were very much equals and one just had a TINY bit more.   It was a lot better than I remember, and definitely the best match of the streak so far (outpacing Diesel).   

Alright, that was about an hour... up next... the main event. (And onto SkyDome!)

End of Day 50. 

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