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Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown


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WRESTLEMANIA X-SEVEN (or X7, or XVII)

This day's ride was largely taken up by the long ass main event from 16, but I have enough time left for another match so...

When people look back on the "Attitude Era" they're basically saying, I want WWE to be what it was from April '00 through April '01. (Also boobs.)  X7 holds a very special place in a lot of people's hearts (myself included) as one of the best shows ever put on.  As storylines were built solidly, generally made sense, motivations were fleshed out, and the action in the ring for the most part delivered (or over-delivered).  Thank one of the greatest rosters ever assembled for that.  Also a solid writing team led by Chris Kreski and Stephanie McMahon, who were unencumbered by Vince's overthinking - because he was too busy dealing with the brand new XFL.  (Although, and I'm not sure if this was ever actually confirmed, it was Vince's idea to name this show X-Seven because he thought his audiences would be confused by seeing XVII.  Knowing what I know about Vince, I believe this to be 100% true.)

So, we're back in a stadium for the first time in a very long time and the crowd is really really pumped for what should be a fun show.   Let's begin.

Chris Jericho is defending the Intercontinental Championship against the new Commissioner of the WWF, William Regal. The more things change...  

As the video package(!) points out, this is the famous (or infamous) Regal's tea is urine! feud.  I can't remember them ever locking up in WCW, but I'm almost sure this is their first time together in a WWF ring.  And boy howdy do they go at it.   In the build up for this, Jericho & Regal both put each other in their submission finishers, the Walls of Jericho & the Regal Stretch, respectively.  So they're both going for each other's back and shoulders because... hey, if they can't put it on you, you can't get tapped out.  And this actually works brilliantly. 

The match is sub 10 minutes, but Regal gets a pretty solid pound of flesh out of Jericho.  Eventually getting to the point where Jericho has taken complete control over the match and is looking to finish Regal off with the Walls -- his primary finisher.  But his shoulder is hurt enough that he cannot actually hold onto it.   Regal tries to take advantage of it and can't QUITE get the Regal Stretch on either, because he's too hurt.   I was kind of hoping Regal would bust out the Union Jack, which he used like 2 times in his career in the WWF/E, but would've worked as a dynamite sudden finisher (like the Stunner or RKO).  Regal does fall though to a perfect Lionsault for Jericho to retain.   Quite the underrated opener as both guys busted their asses and told a good story in the limited time they had.  

And X7 is off to a rip-roaring start.  But I'm done.

End of Day 47. 

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Yeah.  Apparently also known as the Regal Cutter:

EDIT -- And to show I'm not crazy, here's a WWF trading card with the move referred to as the UJ:

123v5_383.jpg

Someone who needs a finisher really needs to steal this.  

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DAY 48

So the new owner of WCW has just rolled in to the show in a limo with a WCW 1 license plate.  

Bradshaw has to prove he's from Texas by listing every person who's ever wrestled in Houston. Jacqueline basically calls both of the aPa pussies and marches them to the ring to fight their opponents. (Me in 2020, wishes we'd had an understated 'Damn' here, but alas...) Frankly, this is a pairing that SHOULD have lasted more than one show.  Jackie as the female member of the aPa would have fucking ruled.    

We're on to six man action as Tazz & the aPa are fighting Right to Censor.  The RTC is *hyper over*.  Jesus.  I'd forgotten how much they were despised. Looking back, they were one main eventer away from being one of the biggest groups in history.  Like RTC Kurt Angle would have been amazing. Thing is though, Vince did the RTC as an on screen representation of the Parents Television Council, so this was always meant to be a jobber team... but they just got over in spite of everything.  So, RTC's team is the Goodfather, Val Venis, and Bull Buchanan, they are seconded by (no longer Dancin') Stevie Richards.  I'll also note that this is Goodfather's 4th Mania gimmick.  

The match itself is a hoss fight, with Val being notably out of place here.  Poor Tazz also seems a little out of sorts, but I blame that more on his opponents not being the best ones to sell his stuff.  I wonder how his WWF/E run would have gone as undersized tough guy if Benoit hadn't shown up 3 weeks after his debut. I mean, Benoit was the far superior worker, but Tazz was coming in as the superhot free agent from ECW.  Oh well.  Actually I'm pretty sure he retired soon after this.  

Bradshaw is his usual professional self, as he's working stiff with everyone.  Have to think Goodfather put a little extra mustard on the powerbomb he gave him, because Bradshaw ends the match with a lariat (still not named? Or JR didn't say it.).  That lariat would have broken GF's nose if he hadn't moved at the last millisecond.  As it was, it looked like Bradshaw was actually concerned about how hard it hit, and even King notes in the replay that it was...  a bit stiffer than expected.   Nothing else really of note.  

Backstage, Trish wheels in a catatonic Linda. Vince admits to a felony drugging. Stephanie wants her ice, hand crushed.  More like KAREN McMahon Helmsley!!! Amiright?!?!   

Oy. 

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Did anyone else get the vibe that Vince and the PTC were kind of in cahoots sorta like Dabney Coleman’s smut peddler and Christopher Plummer’s evangelist in Dragnet? Both sort of had the same goal in getting W Bush elected in 2000 and both sides got tons of publicity due to the feud. There were lawsuits after the election but both McMahon and Bozell trying to out carny each other after working with each other is totally plausible 

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WHO THE FUCK HIRED RAVEN?

Sorry. Just had to get that out of the way.  Ravens Hardcore title is up in a triple threat against the Big Show and Kane. The difference between last year and this one is striking (pun!) because while the previous year was confusing unprofessional chaos, this was confusing PROFESSIONAL chaos.  

Raven brought a shopping cart full of plunder to the ring, and I'm suddenly reminded of the before times when I could go to the supermarket and not have a cart lock up if the NFC chip was malfunctioning.  Or frankly, the before times when I could just go to the supermarket, period.  ? 

Anyway, Raven attacks Kane before Show  even gets his ass to the ring. Well...  no one ever claimed Raven was smart. So yeah, the in ring section of this match is the white bread on the giant Katz's Deli sandwich of the rest of this match. The three of these guys have clearly set up exactly what they want to do and how to do it.  You can tell this too because it appears there's a whole "office" in the back of the Astrodome that is completely empty and just happens to have candy glass windows. So, yeah Raven goes through that.  Kane and Big Show go through drywall which actually looks super fun -- but in any real house would probably kill you due to the metal, wood and wiring behind the wall. They go through a cute golf cart chase that may have been longer in plan but Raven crashes.  (I'm just really hoping that was a Johnny Polo tribute.)

This has been a fun little brawl so far. 

The end comes as the three stooges all fight back to the entrance of the stage.  Show press slams Raven off the stage, Kane throws Show off, and then elbow drops them both from the stage to win the title.  Replays show the area was somewhat padded, but what they ALSO show is Kane fucked up his spot, and is quite visibly cursing and in pain when he's supposed to be celebrating the title win.  That was pretty good actually.  

We cut to Kurt Angle watching himself tap to the Crippler Crossface and talking to himself like a lunatic.  Edge & Christian are confused by all this...  (I guess Rhino was too busy fucking Jasmin St. Claire to care.)   

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I never really pondered on the coke fueled insanity that is Test's entrance theme.  Your brain will break if you sit there and read what is actually being said as you listen to a song you've heard a hundred times. 

I subject you to this, because Test is A1 the prime example of the type of guy Vince freaks out about.  Tall, muscular, imposing, and talentless. Going into X-Seven, he's in the middle of his first major singles face push as the European Champion.   Here to babysit him is Eddie Guerrero.  Eddie has the remaining Radicalz by his side (they've turfed Benoit at this point) and Guerrero's star is quickly rising.  I'm genuinely surprised (as is he) by the pop Test gets entering the stadium.   Eddie gets a solid heel pop and he just soaks it in. Oh yeah, he's happy get out of WCW.  

Now the match itself, like I said, is Eddie babysitting Test and walking him through a big vs. little match.  They're clearly trying to tell a big guy is pissed at the little guy and wants to squash him like a bug story here, but Test is... limited.  Test blows a spot so badly that he gets tied up in the ropes and Eddie actually has to help the ref get him free.  Guerrero is so clearly annoyed at this mook he's stuck in here with, he gives the crowd a "lookit this fucking guy" look a couple of times.  

Saturn (who has an amazing hat, btw) runs interference and gives Test the 3 Handled Moss Covered Family Grudunza~  (I could never tell if it's Paulie's Long Island accent and he's saying credenza, but I'll go with the spelling I've seen before.) Test eventually fights back, but now Dean Malenko (who eats dogs) is here to run interference too.  Eddie uses the Euro Title belt to kabong Test, and we have a new champion.  

Needless to say, I'm sure Eddie had some words with the people in charge, because he tried his god damned heart out, but lordy did he stop caring about halfway through.  But the match was still good.

Foley's here to do his cheap pop shtick, which I've always hated. 

End of Day 48.

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DAY 49

Your and my Olympic Hero Kurt Angle had been World Champ for 6 months going into the No Way Out '01 PPV.  The problem was, Steve Austin had just come back from neck surgery and I'm sure Vince wanted to put the title on him at the biggest show there was.  Now, as good as Angle is... I think it's kind of undisputed, the Rock was just a better choice as an opponent.  Especially with the *spoiler alert for two days from now* heel turn they gave Austin.   So, Angle dropped the title to the Rock in a fantastic match (with the ending that Earl Hebner famously botched). His reward for that was getting a featured match against probably the best technical guy in the world (aside from him) in Chris Benoit.

Angle begins with the crowd work he is so INCREDIBLY good at.   He shits on Texas for any number of reasons and then tells them to "Lose the freaking cowboy hats, you're not seven years old any more." Paul E. rightly gives JR shit for that.  Benoit gets a very "kick this idiot's ass" pop in his entrance. And yeah, this should be great.  

They're being given plenty of time here, so they work a match where they both know they can make each other tap in a heartbeat, so that's what they want to do.  They do a ton of amateur graps at first.  Kurt, of course, believes he can win this sort of thing easily, so keeps overshooting things and Benoit just keeps taking advantage of Angle's overeagerness. Angle finally gets fed up with getting shown up and just flat out decks Benoit, because fuck him.  Crowd doesn't like that. I for one am delighted.

So, Act II of this match is straight professional wrestling, as the two of them start going for chops, suplexes, and throws.  (Angle being the heel also throws in punches and brawling too.)  Kurt is clearly tiring of Benoit throwing him all over the place and he trips Benoit out of the rolling Germans into the Ankle Lock to begin Act III.  

Now both guys are clearly tiring and want to end this shit.  They trade submissions, they trade chops, they are both proving to each other, they are each other's equal. Eventually a ref bump happens off one of those reversal attempts and Angle taps to the Crossface. Of course, he's got no one there to award him the decision, so we have to move on.  Angle eventually is so fed up he has to go low, but even that's not enough to prevent a roll up which he has to finally reverse to  a roll-up with a handful of tights... and THAT does it.  

Fantastic, fantastic story told by two guys who were at the top of their game.  Day 49 is off to a good start. 

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I didn't think Test was completely awful, but he had perhaps the driest big man style in the history of major North American wrestling and started a bad trend in WWF/E. He just didn't have the innate ability/charisma that it takes for certain big guys to get over. He had a combined two years outside New York (one before his debut, one between stints). He needed about five or six to get any better. I know the solution is "he/she will get better working house show loops and working with experienced vets", but the time tested (pun not intended) question is what if that person doesn't? That's Test and a whole host of people since then.

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William Regal is still smarting from his loss to Jericho earlier and he finds Kamala and Kim Chee in his office.  It's ironic to me - and probably a few of the other LGBT+ people on the board that the two people most associated with the name Kim Chee are both gay men - Steve Lombardi & the absolutely brilliant drag queen from Chicago. One thing I wasn't aware of was that apparently the reason Lombardi was around as long as he was, was that he was Pat Patterson's SO.  (Or at least that's what Kamala said.) 

Alright, so now Chyna's up in her first chance ever at the WWF Women's Championship.  First, because she'd never wanted to be associated with the awful bullshit they'd been putting on in the women's division since the 1980's. Second, because I believe they got paid significantly less. I forget why she finally relented and went to the Women's division, but I guess it's because she'd hit her peak in the men's side of things.  Chyna though has the problem that all monster-sized wrestlers have, and that's when they get a championship... they eventually have to lose that championship. 

Anyway, her opponent is Right To Censor's Ivory. Ivory is definitely someone that deserves HOF consideration, because she really was awesome in whatever gimmick they gave her.  Here she'd been champ for almost half a year... but she's being presented as being no match for Chyna (IF the playing field is even).   

Now, I'm generally not a fan of when a long time champion is just beaten like nothing unless there's a very good reason to.  And Ivory tries her damnedest to make sure this squash is at least fun.  She's clearly terrified of Chyna and instantly tries to score a pin off braining her with the belt. But her offense lasts all of about 20 seconds and then Chyna just annihilates her. The thing that makes this match fun at least is Ivory looking like she's scared she's about to die.  (And judging by Chyna's usual sloppiness, she probably was.)   So, yeah, about a minute into this match, it's clear it's all over but the three count, and Chyna just toys with her before going in for the kill.  

My main critique is Chyna should have oversold the final pin and just put the foot on the chest.  Otherwise, not much else you can say.  This was Chyna's final WrestleMania appearance as she'd retire a few months later after the famous contract dispute where she wanted to be paid on par with the Rock and Steve Austin, and got laughed out of Vince's office. She retired as champ, having only defended once on a PPV against Lita.  Makes me wonder.... when Charlotte's contract is up, is she going to get the same treatment?  

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Yeah, I'm not a big anti Test guy either. I think he was a decent midcard act for most of his tenure, kind of Billy Gunn 2, except I thought his offense was much better then Gunn and was a worse talker. 

 

Angle is such a weird guy because he was legitimately incredible for like 2-3 years before becoming one of my least favorite wrestlers ever.

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6 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

 the two people most associated with the name Kim Chee are both gay men - Steve Lombardi & the absolutely brilliant drag queen from Chicago. One thing I wasn't aware of was that apparently the reason Lombardi was around as long as he was, was that he was Pat Patterson's SO.  (Or at least that's what Kamala said.) 

 

Steve's wife might have something to say about that... but if the walking talking human sleaze thread Hannibal inferred it, it couldn't be sensationalized.  

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3 hours ago, Jimmy Trump said:

Steve's wife might have something to say about that... but if the walking talking human sleaze thread Hannibal inferred it, it couldn't be sensationalized.  

Seriously. I mean if you want to say he was "gay for pay" then fine, but he's so lovey dovey with his wife on Twitter that it's amazing.

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