Jump to content
DVDVR Message Board

(Also Not March Madness): SECRET SANTO March 2020


Matt D

Recommended Posts

I've seen both of the matches that @NikoBaltimore gave me before.

Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca

Sharmell's had some shitty matches as Paisley in WCW. There's a Paisley/Tygress match that I saw a couple weeks back that was super-shitty. However, mobile Kong is in it, so that automatically makes it more enjoyable - low-key, Kong's late '00s run in TNA is one of my favorite things with those Gail Kim and Taylor Wilde feuds being so fun and well-put-together. 

Anyway, the match: There's some unsexy posing to begin, like supremely unsexy even though it's meant to be sexy, and then bad clubbering and stomps. Weak Steiner Recliner. Jenna with no air on a cross body. Sharmell hair pulls, Jenna sells by flailing her arms strangely. SoJo Bolt and Kong get into it outside. Two-on-one on Jenna, she kicks out at two. 

Jenna with funny boob slaps. She doesn't move her arms, just like Molly Shannon in that one Seinfeld episode. Catfight, unnecessary ref spot. Then Jenna pulls out a black woman's hair, a no-no, and SoJo Bolt dies on a dive because Kong doesn't give a fuck, which is the best spot of the match. Anyway, Kong knocks out Sharmell and Jenna gyrates in a way that makes me reconsider the very idea of sexual activity as something I need to think about or do ever again before getting the pin. Then, Kong splashes Jenna, which is great. 

I mean, it's bad, but mostly, it's boring. Anything involving Kong was great, though. It was like two minutes too long, but I've seen worse. I just watched a whole grip of 1999-2000 WCW, so I'm inured here. 

In fact, fuck it, I'll do this other match that I've seen. 

Shelly Martinez vs. Rebel

I hate to say this, but I laughed through Shelly Martinez's pre-match promo. The invocation of her dead grandma comes off as so insincere on a slimy car-salesman level that it cracks me up every time I see it. She trends into Jumpin' Jeff Farmer territory. It's just about so bad that it's good. 

I don't remember Rebel, so I probably stopped watching at this point? IDK, I remember only catching TNA when the KOs division had Kim, Kong, and Wilde on top with a bit of Sarita and Hamada in the mix. I've seen this match two or three times before, but this is all I know of Rebel. 

These ladies are so unsexy when they try to be sexy. It's a real bummer. 

Pose-off. Who let Shelly come out in that top to wrestle? So, anyway, the real MVP of this match is Shelly's clearly-audible in-ring interjections. This match is famous for MY VAG, but I WORK OUT and I GOT HER ARM and all the other shit is pretty good, too. YOU GOT PAINT ON ME?!? I SURE DID, YA WANT SOME MORE, BITCH?!? 

Look, that shit is priceless. Unlike the previous match, this match is shitty, but also entertaining just because of the vocalizing. And I will defend for life Rebel grabbing the ref to hide behind, Shelly coming over and yelling REF, GET OUTTA THE WAY, and Rebel using the distraction to do a fucking eye poke. That spot is GREAT and fuck you if you think otherwise. 

Then THAT abdominal-stretchy, leg-grapeviney sort of thing happens where Rebel attacks her opponents vagina for an advantage. So, after that, there's this blown spot that I think was supposed to be a Shelly headscissors except she gets maybe about two inches off the ground, if that, and it goes south. Shelly follows up by doing what is unquestionably the worst suicide dive of all time, so bad that the eight people in the crowd all laugh at her, and then gets caught in a roll-up off of it for three. This was enjoyably bad, like you will probably laugh through the whole thing, unlike that first match. 

Edited by Smelly McUgly
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This was hard as hell for me to find something.  I know I've seen a lot of comedic wrestling, but I seem to have no recollection of anything at all.  With that said, I was listening to a podcast about Uncensored 1996 of all things, and came across this jewel.  This isn't some missing classic, but it's pretty much the best thing on this entire show.  Honestly, the main event of this show would have been my nominee if I hated @gordi, but he seems like a solid enough guy.  My favorite part of this match is how much fun Madusa is having.  She has a huge, cheesy smile on her face for about 50% of this match, and Col. Robert Parker is a great buffoon.  

 

http://dai.ly/x2dy6ea 

 

Edited by supremebve
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, supremebve said:

This was hard as hell for me to find something.  I know I've seen a lot of comedic wrestling, but I seem to have no recollection of anything at all.  With that said, I was listening to a podcast about Uncensored 1996 of all things, and came across this jewel.  This isn't some missing classic, but it's pretty much the best thing on this entire show.  Honestly, the main event of this show would have been my nominee if I hated @gordi, but he seems like a solid enough guy.  My favorite part of this match is how much fun Madusa is having.  She has a huge, cheesy smile on her face for about 50% of this match, and Col. Robert Parker is a great buffoon.  

 

http://dai.ly/x2dy6ea 

 

OK, so I looked it up and this match is from WCW Uncensored 1996. That means the main event, which @supremebve mercifully did not give me, was the infamous Tripe Decker Doomsday Cage match where Hogan and Macho overcame an 8-on-2 advantage thanks to the Booty Man and some frying pans. I have not seen that, and I plan to never see it. I appreciate being given this match instead.

However:

In looking up which main event I'd been spared from watching, I ended up reading a couple of write-ups of this match and holy $#*t it sounds terrible on paper. The set up was that Parker was all set to marry Sister Sherri Martel but then it was revealed that he'd been carrying on with Madusa on the side. So here we have Parker getting revenge on his mistress for ruining his wedding? Apparently so! From Bandon Stroud's write-up:

Parker gives an admittedly hilarious heel interview about how he’s gonna beat her to death and rub her face into the ground because that’s what the people at home want to do to their mistresses or whatever, but are too chicken to. 

Good Lord! And, furthermore, *spoilers* Parker wins this one! On paper it couldn't sound worse. 

However, in fact it is exactly as supremebve describes it. It's no classic. but it is certainly entertaining. Parker is clearly the heel, the crowd is solidly behind Madusa, and the action is well-balanced with Parker having a size and strength advantage while Madusa is quicker and more skillful. She hit a nice-looking German on Parker after a few minutes of back-and forth, but *spoilers* Dick Slater interferes to rob her of the win and set up the finish. 

I agree that it really seems like Madusa is having a great time in there, and that really does help to make this match (surprisingly?) enjoyable to watch. It sounded like unbearable crap on paper, but it was a solid and fun gimmick match. Goes to show, you can't believe everything you read.

Edited by gordi
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/17/2020 at 4:24 PM, Curt McGirt said:

 

Comedy Match. There is little to talk about, but I feel it necessary to expose it again to everyone. 

Yeah, I'm supposed to watch 3 German matches for next Friday, unless all of the rare FL Crockett that popped up bumps it. But I'm not sure what that is, and we're missing one of the Al Hayes matches from 57 and there's an effort to see if we can get it, so I'm not jumping on that, so of the things I'm "supposed" to watch, this is basically it that I'm aware of (I already caught the Kuwait 90s WWF stuff unlesss Eric wants to watch A.Bushwhacker vs

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE CAMERA AS THE MUMMY COMES OUT?

Ok, ok, A.Bushwhackers vs HHH for 15 minutes. God, this is going to give me a seizure. David came out with a lamb, by the way, and I swear if he uses it as a melee weapon this will be the best thing. Momia really isn't big enough. 

The pop for the hug is amazing. You have these two kids in the back that are completely bewildered and this ginger kid beneath them that's bemused at best and maybe furious at worst, his hands cupping his chin in disappointment, but everyone else in the crowd is all about the hug. I wonder how much these guys got paid for this. Man, if he gives the mummy the lamb... Yes, yes, he does. What I love about this is that no one was surprised, necessarily. It wasn't this shocking, jaw-dropping thing. This was just normal for these people. As if this was a completely plausible possibility when the match started. "Well, maybe they'll beat the crap out of each other, but maybe, just maybe, love will find a way." 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good Lord! Really?!?!

* Watches the match *

* Smiles *

Wow. That is definitely something I had never seen before. Also, something I had never expected to see. 

However, as you say... Most of the crowd are delighted by this, as opposed to, say, shocked by it. How often do you think this happened? Every few matches? Every few shows? Was it just the shepherd guy's gimmick? I love the idea that a match could conceivably end by pinfall, countout submission, disqualification, or a hug and gift exchange.

Thought experiment: In various arenas, in various cities in various territories, and during various eras... What would the reaction have been if, say, Koko Ware came to the ring with a parrot, then One Man Gang came out, then they hugged and Koko gave OMG the parrot? Could anyone anywhere in the US or Canada or Mexico or Japan have gotten that over the way it was apparently over in Argentina?

Pro wrestling, man! It literally never ceases to amaze me.

Edited by gordi
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Morganti said:

I have seen that 8 on 2 match.  Its totally worth going out of your way to MST3K it.  There is much tom foolery and shenanigations abound.  but its not good.

Honestly, I've never watched it, but I'd be willing to watch it as some sort of group project of self loathing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is one freaky thing about it, which is what @thee Reverend Axl Future I believe called the mummy's "suckhole" or "blowhole" (which absolutely cracks me up). It's both fascinating and repellent and creepy all at the same time. 

If we ever find the Titanes match that has the robot that starts malfunctioning that might be the best thing on recorded film. 

EDIT: I'd watch the Triple Cage if everyone else does too. And also, when we finally finish this thing, I want to watch that Savage vs. somebody I can't remember match from IWA that Matt said was gonna be an extra if somebody didn't have something.

Edited by Curt McGirt
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Given this last week, we're rerolling tomorrow. Judgment call. Normal week. 

Nick , @Morganti, I'll sit you guys unless you let me know that you want in.

I'll also look back to see if anyone didn't give in the last week or two and sit them. Might just be a handful of us but we'll press on for this week and keep rethinking when we do a switch.

Anyone else want in, just let me know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure i can find a match for someone.  I actually watch all kinds of stuff. Just let me know who. And whomever i get paired with let me know your hard limits so I don't give you something that's a waste of your time

Edited by Morganti
Forgot some words
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whoever I'm paired up with gets the match above (Choshu/Yatsu vs. Jumbo/Tenryu 1/28/86). I put it up there as a placemarker really, but also I was really upset about Hana and that match had been sitting there staring at me waiting for me to watch it for a couple days, so it gave me a moment of respite. I hope whoever gets it enjoys it because it is a fucking ripper. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would love to work with whomever I get paired with so that I can show them something I like that in a promotion or style that they're not familiar with and so that I can see something in a promotion or style that I've probably never seen.

I'd like to see the (IIRC) AJPW women from the '80s again because @gordi gave me an excellent match from that era. I also want to get into French-Canadian wrestling from the '70s, '80s, and '90s. I feel pretty comfortable with my Stampede knowledge at this point, but definitely not with the stuff from Quebec. 

But I'm open to lots of other stuff, too!  And I'd like to give stuff that I like that people haven't seen, though my sphere is much smaller (basically everything American from every now-dead territory that I could take in and old-school WoS are the things that I feel like I've seen a ton of, and even in the former, I have gaps, like Texas). 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had the week off, thanks to Ace not picking me a match. And I'm not going to review the one I gave him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, normal week for everyone. Niko's back to benched until we have another goofy thing or he tells me otherwise. Ace has been awol for a bit, which is ok, but I'm leaving him out now.

Supremebve
Morganti

Gordi
Smelly McUgly

OctopusCinema
Curt McGirt

Matt D
AxB

 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/18/2020 at 9:58 AM, gordi said:

@supremebve

This is a match that, quite literally, changed my life. 

I was introduced to this match by the Violent Panda video review on 411Mania in 2004. I sought it out, got a copy of The Best of Ebessan from IVP videos.

My eldest daughter is 8 years old. She has been doing ballet (her choice) for literally half her life. Yesterday, we were watching the DVD from her ballet company's big year-end extravaganza. They had some comedy ballet performers from Tokyo as special guests. Their comedy style mostly involves subverting the tropes of ballet, and as my daughter watched it and laughed I felt proud. At 8 years old she understands ballet well enough to get when the tropes are being subverted.

What blew my mind about this match was that a lot of the comedy is about subverting the common, often subtle, tropes of Japanese pro wrestling. And there is a huge audience (in what I now recognize as Osaka Jo Hall) reacting to and playing along with it every step of the way. This crowd understands pro wrestling the way my daughter understands ballet! 

"These are my people!" I though. I desperately wanted to be a part of that.

In 2005, I went to Japan with the woman who would eventually be my wife and the mother of our little ballerinas. I got to see Kikutaro (the original Ebessan) live at the AJPW World Tag League finals in Ota Ward Gymnasium. He had me laughing out loud. It was pretty great.

In 2007 we went back to Japan to get married and on our honeymoon we went to Osaka. One of my wife's friends had given us directions to the Osaka Pro home arena in the entertainment district of Namba. As we wandered around the area trying to find it, we bumped into Kuishinbo Kamen and (the third version of) Ebessan, who were out on the streets drumming up business for the show. I tried to sneak close to them so that my wife could snap a picture, but they busted me... and then posed for pictures with both of us, and escorted us to the arena. 

We had an amazing time at the show. Afterward, we bought little plush dolls of Ebessan and Kuishinbo... and then, no fooling, Kuishinbo Kamen ran up to my wife, tore the dolls out of her hand, and ran away. 

He then came back with both dolls autographed in black magic marker.

Two years later, the contract ran out on my job in Canada and we decided to move to Japan. The Namba area of Osaka was too busy for us to live in, but we wanted to be close enough to go to some Osaka Pro shows... now we've been living here, a train-ride away from Namba, for 11 years. I've been out eating and drinking with Kuishinbo and I am flat out drinking buddies with Ebessan III. I finally got to meet Kikutaro in 2012. They are all great guys. I've seen them do variations of their comedy match in various combinations literally dozens of times and it has never failed to entertain me.

544734_10150915095655358_1427680271_n.jp

Osaka Pro was a huge part of my first few years living in Japan. I still have friends from those days. And it all started with this match:

 

 

@Smelly McUgly I guess supreme hasn't had time to review Ebessan vs Kuishinbo Kamen. Would you like to take a crack at it? If not (or if supreme still wants to give it a go) I'm happy to pick something else for you.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@gordi I'm going to do something different. IIRC, you said that you didn't watch modern WWE. I don't either at this point, but before I stopped, I saw what I would term as the best/my favorite match of the decade (and honestly, might be of the millennium as well) for the company. I would love to see what you think about it, coming from such a different wrestling fandom POV: 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...