2ND ANNUAL JUSTIN NEWBOULD MEMORIAL CHRISTMAS CHAOS

[Execproducer]

Welcome to the Christmas Chaos, where we celebrate the holiday season and honor the memory of Justin Newbould ( Newb82). This year we'll start with a film that Justin might have appreciated.

 

Film: Christmas Evil

Picked by: nate

 

No reason given.

 

Reviewed by: S.K.o.S.

 

Christmas Evil AKA You Better Watch Out

(1980).

Written and directed by Lewis Jackson

Edward R. Pressman Productions

 

 

Okay, my assigned movie was Christmas Evil, from 1980.  There's a poster for this movie that mentions Halloween and Friday the 13th, and promises a murderous Santa Claus.

We begin with Santa Claus sneaking into a house to deliver presents, with three children hiding on the staircase watching him. Santa notices them and winks, drops off the presents, and magically flies up the chimney, as Santa does. The kids go back upstairs, with an older one, Philip, telling a younger one, Harry, that "Santa" was actually their father.  Harry doesn't believe him and goes back downstairs to check - and sees "Santa" back in the living room, getting handsy with his mother.  The implication (which I didn't pick up on until reading the Wikipedia summary, because the exchange between Philip and Harry is pretty quick) is that Santa was in fact their father, and this is how Harry learns that Santa isn't real.  He goes back upstairs and smashes a snow globe, cutting his finger on the broken glass.  From now on, any sight of blood is going to set him off.

Now in the present day, Harry is grown up and obsessed with Santa Claus.  He's got pictures of Santa all over his house, and he's spying on kids, and making notes of who's naughty and who's nice.  He also works at a toy factory.  It's a desk job, though.  Apparently Harry was promoted from the toy assembly line at some point, but he really wants to be back in that toy-making elf-ish sort of role.  So when an assembly line worker named Frank asks Harry to take a shift for him, Harry accepts. But, uh-oh, when Harry leaves for the night, he spots Frank in a bar laughing about how he put one over on Harry. Seems like just the kind of thing that could plausibly lead to a murderous rampage!

At the company Christmas party (with Harry looking weirdly like Bill Murray) the company announces they'll be donating toys to needy children at a local hospital, but Harry talks to some management types and finds out they don't even know for sure if the company can fulfill this promise.  Rage builds in Harry!  He loads up a sack with toys from the assembly line, and dresses up as Santa Claus.  While gluing the Santa beard to his face, he starts giggling and saying "It's me."  The Wikipedia summary clarifies that "he enters a fugue state that has him convinced to truly be Santa Claus".  I wouldn't say I really picked up on this either.  Anyway, Harry goes to the hospital and has a bit of trouble as he runs into a security guard, but things actually turn out great!  He drops off the toys and the hospital employees love it.  We're just past the halfway mark of the movie at this point.

Now Harry's outside a church that's just finishing up midnight mass.  It seems like Harry believes the management types from earlier are in there.  He waits outside.  As people exit the church, some of them start joking around about Santa (the Wikipedia page says they "taunt" Harry, but I wouldn't go that far) and Harry kills three of them with an axe.  Honestly, if I didn't know in advance that this movie was about a murderous Santa Claus, I would have been stunned by this.  The moment didn't entirely seem to follow from everything that happened to this point.  Harry flees in his van and ends up at another holiday party, welcomed by guests who are happy to have a guy dressed as Santa.  The cops are looking for him, but really, a Santa costume is a pretty great disguise, as all anyone remembers is that Santa did it.  Harry does ok at this party too, giving a speech to the children in attendance about being good.

Harry's next stop after the party is Frank's house, Frank being the co-worker who scammed Harry into taking his shift.  Harry tries to go down the chimney but, as in real life, that doesn't work, and he ends up using a window.  Neat moment where he makes a noise once he's in the house and freezes - quick cut to Frank still asleep in bed with his wife - quick cut to their kids' room, and they're awake - then back to Harry.  Harry gets into Frank's room and tries to smother him with his bag of toys, then finishes the job by slashing his throat with a star from the top of a Christmas tree.

Now the sun is up and it's Christmas morning.  The word has gone out on the news about the Santa murders, and police are bringing in anyone in a Santa outfit.  Harry, who is in fact still wearing the Santa suit, has spent the night sleeping in the back of his van.  By this point the public knows that anyone they see out in a Santa suit is potentially dangerous. In my favorite part of the movie,  Harry runs into a group of families, one of the men pegs him as the murderer and tries to attack him with a knife (!), but the children protect him because he's Santa Claus.  Harry escapes, but a literal torch-wielding mob forms and pursues him.

Harry drives to his brother Phil's place.  We've been seeing brief clips of the adult Phil with his family throughout the movie, and Phil's kind of a jerk.  Harry tries to pin the root of his issues on Phil, going back to when they were children, but Phil will have none of it.  In most movies, this would have been the spot for some sort of closure or resolution, but not here!

Harry drives away with the angry mob chasing after him.  He drives off a bridge, but in something of a twist ending, Harry and his van fly off into the sky like Santa's sleigh would.

Wouldn't call this a holiday classic, but it was ok.

 

 

Edited December 16, 2019 by Execproducer

[Execproducer]

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

 

Somehow I only just noticed a few hours ago that one of the bonus reviews I received....well, actually the only bonus review so far... was also Christmas Evil. But that's ok for me. One or two Dueling Reviews segments spices things up a little bit. So, without any further ado, I give you our first.....

 

STOCKING STUFFER BONUS REVIEW!!!!!

 

Film: Christmas Evil

Reviewed by: Curt McGirt

 

CHRISTMAS EVIL (AKA YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, TERROR IN TOYLAND) (1980, dir. Jackson) 

Alright, this is apparently John Waters' favorite X-mas movie, so I had to watch and review it. I mean c'mon. YOU might be able to resist but IIIIII can't. 

So we start with an Xmas Eve in 1947 where a kid visualizes Santa coming down the chimney as he and mom and siblings watch only to wake up and go downstairs to find Santa fondling mom and really getting a whiff of her. Of course the kid is "traumatized" and runs upstairs to break a snow-globe and cut himself with it. 

I'm not sure that's how that works, but anyway. 

We cut to the present day where said kid, Harry, is full-grown and has an apartment filled with X-mas shit, dressed in Santa clothes when he gets out of bed, and alarmed by the sight of blood when he cuts himself shaving... yeah you know where this is going. Turns out this weirdo actually spies on little kids with binoculars and marks their bad habits down in giant "Naughty/Nice" books (there's one hilarious part where a kid yells at him from across the street "I want a lifetime subscription to Penthouse!"). Harry kind of looks like Andy Kaufman but older and dumpier, and works as one of the managers of a toy factory. And when I say "toy factory" I mean no automation, just a bunch of guys putting toys together on an assembly line. The workers start fucking with him starting on Thanksgiving (making this a perfect time to review) and Harry starts to really lose it. 

The crazy thing is after Harry flips, he does actually have positive interactions with people. He goes to an orphanage and gives away a van's full of gifts out of nowhere. He surprises an X-mas party who, for New York in 1980, surprisingly welcome him inside and party with him for a minute. But he has gone full Joe Spinell by now and he is out to kill, as he kills a couple people in full view of a crowd out in front of the church that welcomes him. That's probably the most terrifying part, because this guy has fully and very realistically gone off the rails, with all the pitfalls that entails, and he still keeps going. Probably because the authorities haven't been called by his brother, but hey. And even worse are the people around him who are all horrible and turn into a lynch mob even though he means no harm to their kids. The movie turns into a very strong and basic Frankenstein parable, but it's great. 

This movie is GREAT. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited, Silent Night Deadly Night way, or a Black Christmas removed-from-the-holiday way. This is a great horror film that fully involves Christmas and is not a miserable bummer. For all its griminess it's kind of sweet. 

Fuck, this one is weird. Watch it... or should I say, watch out.

*** In lieu of another trailer I give you this instead. Proceed at your own risk.***

 

Edited December 15, 2019 by Execproducer

[Curt McGirt]

Okay, I take back it being "great", but in the moment I was very pleased. Frickin' weird one, that. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

[Execproducer]

Film: It Happened One Christmas

Picked by: RIPPA

 

"It is a Made for TV remake of It's A Wonderful Life with the most Tenryu booked cast ever. Directed by the man who did Ice Castles... TWICE!"

 

Reviewed by: driver

 

It Happened One Christmas

 

Directed by Donald Wrye

Daisy Productions/Universal Television

Original air date, Dec. 11th, 1977 on ABC

 

 

 

 

 

What we have here is a 1977 TV movie version of "It's A Wonderful Life". Here instead of Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed we get Marlo "That Girl" Thomas, Orson Fucking Welles, Wayne "What Happened To My Career?" Rogers and Cloris  Leachman. That is an amazing lineup.

 

The biggest difference between "IHOC" and "IAWL" is the gender flip with Marlo playing Mary. Over the years the only things I've known her for are That Girl, being the daughter of Danny Thomas, the wife of Phil Donahue and the commercials for St. Jude's Hospital. TBH I never really cared about That Girl. Not because of her but because of the smarmy fiance she was saddled with. That dude really grated on my seven year old nerves.

 

Marlo and Wayne are really good in their respective roles of Mary and George. I always liked Rogers as "Trapper John", but don't know him from many other things.

 

Since there isn't much new going on here, the best thing I can do is wonder why Cloris Leachman is using a Cockney accent. I don't know if Clara Oddbody was born within the sound of the Bow Bells or not, but it's not a Northerner accent and it sure as shit isn't posh. It's definitely an interesting choice.

 

The scene where Mary handles the needs of her customers struck me as Marlo bringing a Mary Tyler Moore level of optimism. That smile is/was amazing. And any scene with Wayne Rogers I keep waiting for Alan Alda or Larry Linville to come along. That is how much I equate Rogers with M*A*S*H.

 

As for Orson Welles, at this point in his career I knew him from commercials for some sort of book on prophecies. At least that's what I remember. Something about the European Common Market and  the "End Of Days". What can I say, I was a young impressionable kid and over 40 years later, the fact that I still remember those commercials speaks to the presence that man had on a young me.

 

If you liked the original move then you should like this. I know I did.

 

[J.T.]

I have said it before, but it bears repeating:

WE ARE LEAVING GROUND~!

I remember the Evil Pagan Christmas doc.  I am actually happy to see Krampus take over from deranged killers in Santa Clause outfits when it comes to holiday horror this time of year.

Edited December 16, 2019 by J.T.

[Execproducer]

STOCKING STUFFER BONUS REVIEW!!!!!

 

Eight is Enough - "Yes Nicholas, There is a Santa Claus."

Season 2, Episodes 13 & 14

Original Air date Dec. 14, 1977 on ABC.

 

Directed by Harry Harris

 

Reviewed by execproducer.

 

It is Christmas Eve at the Bradford house but all is not merry. Most of the family siblings want to be anywhere but home for the holiday. Nancy (Diane Kay)  is trying to set up a double date for herself and her sister, Susan ( Susan Richardson) , youngest sister Elizabeth (Connie Needham) attempts to horn in on the object of her affection's family commitment, and middle brother Tommy ( Willie Ames) attempts to secure his own last minute date. Only elder sisters Mary (Lani O'Grady) and Joanie ( Laurie Walters) are resigned to spend Christmas Eve at home.  As eldest son David ( Grant Goodeve) tells exasperated dad, newspaper columnist Tom ( Dick Van Patten), after informing him he is leaving town to spend the holiday with new girlfriend Noreen's family ( Judy Strangis, DYNA-GIRL, MUTHAFUCKAAAS!!!!),  Christmas is "different this year."

 

The difference is this is the first Christmas since the passing of family matriarch Joan ( Diana Hyland) and Tom's marriage to new step-mom Abby (Betty Buckley).  While the kids haven't articulated what is bothering them, they all feel it, though none more so than Tommy who flat out refuses to participate in any family related activity. On the flipside, Abby, who had spent years as a widow not celebrating the holidays, has been looking forward to being involved in a large family celebration and laments the kid's lack of enthusiasm to Tom, though she instinctively understands the situation and doesn't want to press the issue. Tom, staunch traditionalist and benevolent dictator to his family, doesn't want his new wife to be unhappy so he forces his children to spend part of their evening engaging in holiday rituals such as trimming the tree, at least until youngest brother Nicholas (Adam Rich) is safely in bed and the house is prepared for Christmas morning. Meanwhile David, through a series of contrivances, ultimately fails to break the orbit of the family house. Jesus dude, you're a construction worker! Is a blown tire really going to be that much of a setback???!!! 

 

Once the family stuff is concluded, the kids are free to go on about their business. Tommy heads to the movies and Nancy and Susan's dates arrive. Susan's date Harold (Nicholas Hammond, TV's SPIDER-MAN!!!) possibly had a future as POTUS as he just starts grabbing actresses (by the shoulders) and kissing them assuming they must be Susan, who witnesses all of this bewildered on the stairs.  You would think that this might put her off, right? NOPE!!!! This is the 1970's! Once his real date is pointed out, all it takes is for Harold to comment that he should have known Susan would be the prettiest girl in the room and she is giddily bouncing down the stairs! Then Abby enters the room and that sly dog Harold asks which sister she is, to which she replies "I'm the Mother Superior." Wait, what? Is that a shot??!! In a vacuum it is a throwaway line but If memory serves, there was heat between Tom Braden and family, on whom the Bradfords were modeled, and the producers of the show. When Diana Hyland tragically succumbed to breast cancer after only appearing in four episodes it was decided not to recast the part and the Abby character was introduced in season 2, very quickly becoming the new Mrs. Bradford. 

 

With everyone left in the house in bed for the night, through the back door comes Sam ( Will Geer, on loan from The Waltons and in one of his last roles). Old Sam had read Tom's Christmas column where he had talked about how much good fortune his family had and Sam decided to help himself. Nicholas catches him looting the Christmas tree and assumes he is Santa. Sam convinces him that good boys sleep through the night or they don't get presents. After nearly getting caught by several returning Bradfords, Sam makes his escape with the family's presents as well as their station wagon.  When the robbery is discovered the next day it turns out they are missing all of their presents, TWO cars and one daughter. Unbeknownst to anyone else,  Susan and Harold had commandeered a vehicle the night before and headed up to the mountains to see the snow. The police are summoned but aren't very helpful. Oh well, at least Nancy meets a possible candidate for her ever growing boyfriend collection. All of this turmoil makes Tommy happy and he chows down on the waffles that had been meant for Christmas breakfast before everyone lost their appetite. His lackadaisical attitude about his sisters possible kidnapping sets Tom off and he lectures him on family and Christmas making Tommy sullen again.

 

Susan and Harold show up with a bucket of melted snow and some info. They spotted the station wagon on the edge of town.  Joanie, Susan and a reluctant Harold  take off the find the thief and leave Elizabeth behind to fill the others in. Tom, Nicholas, Elizabeth, Mary, Nancy and David are soon in pursuit with Abby and Noreen left to call the police. The Bradford clan converges on Sam's place and finds him with their stuff. Sam tells Nicholas about his ten grandchildren who live too far away to visit and struggling to live off Social Security and wins Joannie, Susan, and Elizabeth to his side. They nearly convince Tom to leave with the presents and not press charges against Sam but it is too late as the police arrive, taking that decision out of their hands. At the police station, they learn that the presents are going to be kept as evidence until Sam's trial.  Meanwhile, Noreen and Abby stumble upon a present hidden away in the kitchen. It seems that Joan was in the habit of finding very personal gifts for her children throughout the year and hiding them away until Christmas. And last year she only had time for one before she fell ill. You'll probably never guess who. No, you're right, it's obviously a gift for Tommy.

 

Back home the family sits around the Christmas tree brooding until a visit from friends the Maxwells inspires them to make the best of the day. They pass around Nicholas's hand-drawn gifts, the only ones Sam didn't take. They eventually all decide to come up with their own, like free medical care from Mary after she becomes a doctor. After another confrontation between Tom and Tommy, Abby shows Tom the gift from Joan. David and Susan learn that Harold and Noreen have left together. They decide that they both dodged bullets. The Bradford kids convince Tom to bail Sam out of jail and invite him over for dinner. Then they convince him to buy Sam a bus ticket to San Diego to see his grandchildren. Sam will come up again in season 3 when Nicholas runs away to San Diego after causing a fire, only to learn that Sam had passed. On the plus side he gets to hang out with Jack Elam.

 

Abby attempts to bring Tommy around but he isn't having any. As Tommy goes  to leave the house, Tom gives him the present, with the whole family looking on. Goddamn it's a gut punch of a scene, maybe the most memorable of the entire series. A pretty uneven cast in terms of talent nevertheless everyone is dialed in here, no doubt thinking about their lost cast mate. Anyway, it ends as a Christmas show should with familial bonds strengthened.

 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Execproducer

[Execproducer]

 

Film: Scrooged

Picked by: Raziel

 

No reason given.

 

Scrooged (1988)

Directed by Richard Donner

Written by Mitch Glazer, Michael O'Donoghue

Paramount Pictures

 

Reviewed by: twiztor.

 

 

This film stars Bill Murray as a top network TV executive in a modernization of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.
Directed by Richard "Superman" Donner with a soundtrack from Danny "Nightbreed" Elfman

I have never seen this entire movie, but I have caught random bits here-and-there on tv over the years.
it starts off with what turns into a tv commercial for an upcoming special, "The Night the Reindeer Died" starring Lee Majors. Already I'm wishing this was a real movie so i could submit it as a bonus review.

One of the execs that works for Murray is Bobcat Goldthwait, who is awesome.

Murray is visited by his old boss to warn him to change his ways before it's too late. Murray is reluctant and his boss foretells that he will be visited by 3 spirits.  Cool play on the Marley role, as his boss is an actual corpse reanimated instead of a ghost or whatever.  

The Ghost of Christmas Past (played by David Johansen of the New York Dolls/aka Buster Poindexter) is a crass cabby who revels in his work. He makes Murray relive his X-Mas of years gone by and reminds him of love lost.
The Ghost of Christmas Present (played by Carol Kane. she's been in lots of things but I know her from the '90s Addams Family movie) shows Murray what is going on with his coworkers and family. She is like a tweaked out fairy godmother and is awesome in her role.
Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Future is a weird Grim Reaper-style character with a TV screen for a head (it looks way cooler than it sounds) and could be legitimately frightening if played a bit heavier. Anyway, it shows Murray himself in a casket about to be cremated.
This snaps Murray out of his soulless existence and he proclaims his undying love for his long ago girlfriend and makes a huge production on live TV of telling people to give and be merry.

Long story short, this had a lot of really neat characters. I noticed quite a few cameos, but i'm sure there's a ton I didn't catch. This movie was a lot of fun. Murray really carried it. The only thing that felt forced was his rekindled romance and of course the ending, but that is a given. I'll strongly recommend it if you're like me and hadn't seen it. It really takes a basic story that everyone knows and finds lots of little ways to spice it up and make it entertaining.

 

 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Execproducer

[RIPPA]

I am glad Raziel picked it so I didn't have to.

I am also pleased someone who never saw it got it

[J.T.]

I am happy that the wonderful end credit track from Scrooged by Al Green and Annie Lennox has become the official Christmas song for Amazon.

 

[odessasteps]

7 hours ago, RIPPA said:

I am glad Raziel picked it so I didn't have to.

I am also pleased someone who never saw it got it

I’m pleased I didn’t get it.  

[Curt McGirt]

If anybody remembers, what channel(s) does Scrooged usually air on around Xmas time? I'd like to DVR it. It's been years and reading that review brought back some memories I'd like to revisit. 

[RIPPA]

2 minutes ago, Curt McGirt said:

If anybody remembers, what channel(s) does Scrooged usually air on around Xmas time? I'd like to DVR it. It's been years and reading that review brought back some memories I'd like to revisit. 

Per TV Guide

https://www.tvguide.com/movies/scrooged/tv-listings/127159/ (All those showings most likely will have commercial breaks)

I taped it last year via one of the Starz channels (It is still on the Starz streaming app)

 

[Curt McGirt]

Thanks! 

Gotta love TV Guide calling Scrooged "only partly successful" in its description of the film

[Execproducer]

I like Scrooged a lot. Mostly because it feels like the logical progression of that Bill Murray-type sardonic but charming asshole role that he had been locked into up to that point. Even though it is highly entertaining, he is such an ass that by the time it's over, as the audience you're like "OK you can change it up now." and for the most part, that is exactly what he did.

[RIPPA]

It’s also great because Carol Kane is a force of nature

[Execproducer]

Well that goes without saying.

[Execproducer]

Film: Elves

Picked by: twiztor

 

"my pick is the 1989 film "Elves". it is available in full on YouTube (and presumably other places).
this movie has everything, and a little bit more. I picked it because i am a horror fan and this ticks off a lot of those boxes while also fitting the Xmas motif. It stars Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty and centers around a mystical murdering elf that has been brought to life for reasons that will be explained sooner or later. It is firmly in the "so bad it's good" category, so prepare yourself for that.

hope you enjoy!"

 

Elves (1989)

Directed by Jeffrey Mandel

Distributed by AIP.

 

Reviewed by: odessasteps

 

 

Elves

It’s not quite Santa Claus Conquers the Nazis, but if you squint, you can make the movie that. And it’s not that outrageous to say this movie might be as cheesy as that  classic.

Three bratty teens try and create some Anti-Xmas magic and accidentally bring an evil elf to live. Did I mention one of the girls, Kirsten, is a pure blood Aryan granddaughter of a crazy old Nazi? And the Nazis wanted to breed elves with virgins to create a master race to conquer the world?

Into this mess stumbles former alcoholic ex-cop Mike (played by grizzly Adams himself Dan Haggerty). He gets a job as a department store Santa after his predecessor is killed by the aforementioned elf.

Along the way, the elf kills a bunch of folks, including Kirsten’s mother (Deanna Lund) with the old radio in the bathtub trick. And was that really a 50+ year old Lund, once a costar on Irwin Allen’s Land of the Giants and the femme fatale to John Astin’s Riddler on Batman, doing a gratuitous nude scene? No, the internet tells me it was a body double.

Of course, there is a showdown back in the forest between Kirsten and the elf. Good triumphs over evil. Or does it?

A very campy late 1980s horror movie, made with an Ed Wood sized budget. Mostly harmless. It would have been a fine showing for USA’s up all night, but not good enough for Joe Bob’s Monstervision on TNT. 

 

 

[J.T.]

I am so happy that someone remembered Elves.  Good man, Twiztor!

And yeah, you can probably do better than Elves, but you can also do a lot worse. 

I'm not terribly fond of Christmas themed horror movies in general but if I had to pick, I'd rather watch something like Elves or Krampus over the plethora of really tasteless slasher / mad killer movies where the murderer dresses up like Santa.

[odessasteps]

I had to stop myself not going down the Deanna Lund rabbit hole. Lard of the Giants was never something I remember seeing in syndication as a kid, unlike the other Irwin Allen shows, and it had a John Williams theme.

 

[RIPPA]

Well Lard of the Giants trumps Fowler saying wife receiver earlier this week 

[J.T.]

16 hours ago, odessasteps said:

I had to stop myself not going down the Deanna Lund rabbit hole. Lard of the Giants was never something I remember seeing in syndication as a kid, unlike the other Irwin Allen shows, and it had a John Williams theme.

 

The only thing I remember Stefan Arngrim being in was some crazy ass 70's Satanic horror movie called Fear No Evil.

[Execproducer]

 

Film: The Silent Partner

Picked by: S.K.o.S.

 

" This isn't really a "Christmas movie", but it's set during the Christmas season, so it counts! Elliott Gould plays Miles Cullen, a bank teller who gets wind of a plot to rob the bank he works at, and figures out a way to get himself a piece of the action. This is a very good thriller by 1970s standards with some clever moments and a couple of very familiar faces in the cast. Also, this was the highest-grossing Canadian film ever for a few years, before it was overtaken by Porky's."

 

Directed by Daryl Duke

Written by Curtis Hanson (screenplay) Anders Bodelsen (novel "Think of a Number")

Carolco Entertainment

 

 

Reviewed by: RIPPA

 

THE SILENT PARTNER (Duke, 1978)

 

(The trailer is a little spoilerish but nowhere as bad as how spoilerish this review will probably end up being)

The Silent Partner is a Canadian thriller/heist movie that is so not a Christmas movie. I mean it is more of a Christmas movie than fucking Batman Returns is but less of a Christmas movie than Die Hard. Christmas Adjacent! That was the term I heard (and liked) for movies set at Christmas but not actually Christmas movies. Basically, our Neighbors to the North wanted you to squint really hard and think you were watching Three Days of the Condor.

(NOTE: Don’t confuse this with the Buster Keaton movie of the same name. And definitely don’t watch the 2005 Tara Reid movie thinking that is this. Or do so and live with your shame.)

The movie did supposedly well in Canada but I have no idea if anyone in the States every heard of it. IMDB claims it was released here and I will take their word for it but I ain’t paying for one of the sites that will tell its box office. The bar is set at $120K because that is what that Tara Reid movie did. I don’t fucking care that the real Silent Partner came out in 1978. If it didn’t beat that, it doesn’t deserve to be called the sleeper that everyone does.

Your handy cheat sheet as when I reference characters

·         Elliot Gould = Miles

·         Christopher Plummer = Reikle

·         Susannah York = Julie

·         Céline Lomez = Elaine

There are a few other folks but not important. Well an insanely young John Candy is important in life but not this movie.

The premise of the movie is that Miles (Gould) is a bank teller at a bank in a mall because it is the fucking late 70s. Reikle (Plummer) is a bank robber who is crazy but not so good at robbing the banks because he accidentally leaves a note at the bank that Miles finds tipping him off that the bank is gonna be robbed.

Miles – oh and I should just say this now SO MANY PLOT HOLES – decides the best course of action is to steal the money first so when Reikle shows up as Santa (CHRISTMAS ADJACENT~!) he only gets a piddly amount. (But we still are treated to the FIRST shootout in a mall because Daryl Duke might as well be Michael Bay.)

Reikle figures out that he has been had because the media announced how much was stolen and the maths so don’t add up. This is where the cat and mouse game begins because he starts stalking Miles so he can get his money back. Miles starts stalking back in the hopes of being able to shake Reikle and get away with his (and these are air quotes) “perfect crime”. I mean Miles is about to setup Reikle enough that Reikle is arrested and tossed into jail.

Now here is where things start to take a turn. Like all this first stuff is fine fun action/thriller whatever you want to call it (except don’t call it a Christmas movie). But then we get to the parts I am struggling with.

Miles – at his Father’s funeral – meets Elaine (Lomez) who claims to have been taking care of his Dad. Now she wants to take care of Miles…. ‘ dick. Again – AT HIS DAD’S FUNERAL! This clearly is an issue for me and not Miles as he is all for that sexual healing and starts a relationship with Elaine. If you watched the trailer you have already seen that Elaine is actually working for Reikle as she is supposed to find out where the money is. (Or if you ever watched any James Bond movie ever you figured it out.)

Julie (York) works at the bank and is fucking the bank manager. Miles wants to fuck Julie. Or at least does when he isn’t fucking Elaine. Julie starts to figure out that something ain’t right with Miles but put a pin in that because we need to get back to matters at hand. And lordy you probably need to be sitting down for this.

Crazy ass Reikle shows up at Miles apartment and is all “Hey Elaine, where the fuck is my money?” Elaine is all “Oh I don’t know. How could I find it when I was so occupied with Miles’ dick” (okay I am taking some creative license here.) Reikle – remember is a psychopath – FUCKING DECAPITATES ELAINE IN MILES APARTMENT!!!!

Miles discovered a dead Elaine in his apartment and like any rational human being BURIES HER BODY IN THE FOUNDATION OF THE NEW BANK BUILDING!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?!?

Good Lord – so much for fun romp.

(Apparently the movie studio demanded the decapitation scene and Duke refused to do it so there was a whole controversy there. I am not sure where “Hey, you know what the movie needs more of? Headless French women!” comes from. Now I know why it was rated fucking R)

Anyway – the climax is Reikle demanding Miles give him the rest of the money. Miles agreeing to do it in a public place. The public place is “Hey rob the bank again!”. Reikle shows up – this time dressed as a woman – and Miles alerts everyone that Reikle is trying to rob the place (after sticking the original note from all the way at the beginning on him). Mall Shoot Out #2 happens as Miles takes a slug but Reikle is shot by a security guard. As he dies, Reikle tries to tell the mall cop what happened but said mall cop doesn’t believe him. (Reikle’s corpse riding the down escalator made me laugh when I clearly wasn’t supposed to. I have no soul.)

Miles is hauled away in an ambulance which Julie hops into because she knows Miles stole the money and she wants it… and his dick. And they all lived happily afterward… in Canada.

The movie is really worth watching despite the left turn into B-movie horror. I am sure you will all be shocked to learn that Christopher Plummer fucking destroys as Reikle and he really is a terrifying person. Just watch it for Plummer’s performance if nothing else.

Elliot Gould is a little tougher to accept but that is more on me for always picturing him as your Jewish Dad as opposed to sex machine. (This is also because I will always think of Wayne Rogers and not Gould when I think of Trapper John.)

And yes I too would have picked Elaine over Julia because man alive Celine Lomez is a smoke show. I am a horrible human being for saying so but what is done is done. In researching more about Lomez I also found my favorite (probably fake) Wiki line “One of the finalists in casting for the television series "Charlie's Angels", but lost the role to Tanya Roberts because network decided Lomez was too sexy for prime time.”

I am actually now pissed we don’t do a Canada themed month as this would have been perfect for it since it is such a Canadian movie. Not a Christmas movie though. CHRISTMAS ADJACENT~!

[RIPPA]

I had a strong suspicion @S.K.o.S. picked it for how Canadian it was

[S.K.o.S.]

You liked it, so as far as I'm concerned, mission accomplished!

For the record, The Silent Partner was actually my second choice.  My first choice, which was also Christmas-adjacent - it starts off during December, but by the end of the movie it's into February - turned out to be a considerably worse movie.  (Yes, I picked it before I watched it myself)

Very minor thing where I want to stick up for the movie:

42 minutes ago, Execproducer said:

Miles – at his Father’s funeral – meets Elaine (Lomez) who claims to have been taking care of his Dad. Now she wants to take care of Miles…. ‘ dick. Again – AT HIS DAD’S FUNERAL! This clearly is an issue for me and not Miles as he is all for that sexual healing and starts a relationship with Elaine.

I think they try to explain this with an earlier scene where Miles visits his father at a nursing home and his father is completely mentally checked out.  So you could say Miles lost his father some time ago and the funeral is just a formality for him.  Or, maybe he's going to be vulnerable and in need of comforting, and she seduces him later on... like, there IS for sure a way to play that scene where it hits the necessary plot points and it seems more believable.

But yes the decapitation is a big "Wait... what?" moment, and Elliot Gould's massive unibrow makes it difficult to believe he's good with the ladies.

[RIPPA]

It was also really fascinating to read about the tax shelter Canadian movie scam that this movie was a part of.