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WELCOME TO HALLOWEEN HAVOC 2019 - The Reviews


RIPPA

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4 minutes ago, J.T. said:

You replied way too quickly at an ungodly hour where memory failure is a regular thing for me to honestly believe that, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

I will give you some recpeck knucks for giving her a name so that she doesn't have to be further remembered as the girl from F13 P2 that took a slingshot rock to the ass.

Funniest part of all this: when I was watching it last night, I literally went "I totally forgot about that" at the slingshot part.

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5 minutes ago, Brian Fowler said:

Funniest part of all this: when I was watching it last night, I literally went "I totally forgot about that" at the slingshot part.

The beauty of YouTube is that it remembers it for you, my brother.

 

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20 minutes ago, Brian Fowler said:

She never should've come back to cut him down. She could've lived at least an extra ten minutes.

She wouldn't have left him in trouble like that.  She liked that lunkhead and he liked her right back.

The one thing I have always admired about the characters in slasher movies is that despite being cardboard cutouts, for the most part they display some of the more admirable human traits like bravery.  They don't make the smartest decisions but they also don't routinely abandon each other for the sake of their own survival.

The reason that Final Girl usually survives to tell the tale is because Final Boy or Nearly Final Girl distracts / confronts the killer and dies violently, but provides enough of a distraction for Final Girl to find a pitchfork or an axe or something and end the killer.

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1 minute ago, J.T. said:

She wouldn't have left him in trouble like that.  She liked that lunkhead and he liked her right back.

The one thing I have always admired about the characters in slasher movies is that despite being cardboard cutouts, for the most part they display some of the more admirable human traits.

The reason that Final Girl usually survives to tell the tale is because Final Boy or Nearly Final Girl distracts / confronts the killer and dies violently, but provides enough of a distraction for Final Girl to find a pitchfork or an axe or something and end the killer.

Some of the later Friday movies start having truly detestable characters, as the franchise shifted more towards cheering for Jason, but, other than obnoxious pranksters, most of the kids in the first few are pretty likable, if poorly acted and/or written.

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41 minutes ago, Brian Fowler said:

Some of the later Friday movies start having truly detestable characters, as the franchise shifted more towards cheering for Jason, but, other than obnoxious pranksters, most of the kids in the first few are pretty likable, if poorly acted and/or written.

Yeah, you don't see really selfish dickbars on the kill list of slasher movies until a bit later and naturally that coincides with the gore hound era of slasher movies where it is more about the killer and the methods he uses to off the kill list rather than the characters trying to put an end to the killer's rampage.

You start to pull for the killer if there is a victim in there that you feel that deserves to what's coming to them and usually it is a symbol of teen envy or fear like a smug jock, the local bully, or a snooty rich girl.

Interesting how we all seem to project our negative energy onto the screen and then we identify the killer as he avenges all of our adolescent wrongs and purges our high school angst.

We Are Jason.

Edited by J.T.
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14 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1992-02-11-ca-1654-story.html

Yeah, Valenti-era MPAA didn't give a fuck if you were just "a thriller". 

TBH, I really believe it was a deliberate marketing gimmick to get the first cut of your movie rated NC-17 in order to generate curiosity.  Sometimes, it was in your best interest as a studio to rattle the MPAA's cage, especially if you were going for an R rating.

You didn't have multiple social media outlets and ten bajillion film festivals to help create buzz back in the day, so you needed some other mechanism to get people talking about your movie before it was released.

Once you had a decent theatrical release, you could then cash in on the UNRATED DIRECTOS'S CUT home video release market.

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On 10/4/2019 at 4:04 AM, J.T. said:

You start to pull for the killer if there is a victim in there that you feel that deserves to what's coming to them and usually it is a symbol of teen envy or fear like a smug jock, the local bully, or a snooty rich girl.

Interesting how we all seem to project our negative energy onto the screen and then we identify the killer as he avenges all of our adolescent wrongs and purges our high school angst.

We Are Jason.

i feel like there is some sort of social media group that could take this exact concept and #HashtagIt and turn it into a big merchandising deal.  i'm way too lazy to do it, but the idea is ripe for the taking....

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DEMONIC TOYS (Manoogian, 1992)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES (NA/30)

SELECTED BY: @twiztor

This movie is from 1992 and is from my favorite of the 90s B-Level movie makers, Full Moon Entertainment. In the worst of ways, it could be considered a ripoff of Puppetmaster (made by the same people) but I feel like it's worth a watch. Enjoy!

REVIEWED BY: @nate

I have to thank whoever recommended this.  I had always been curious about this movie, but I don’t know that I would have ever made time to watch it without being spurred to do so for this project.  And for that, I’m glad.

Quick synopsis: A pregnant cop, two illegal arms dealers, a fast-food chicken delivery boy, a night watchman, and a runaway teen get trapped in a haunted toy warehouse by a demonic spirit who possesses the toys to do his wicked bidding.  His plan: To possess the unborn child carried by the heroine and be born into our world.  Before the night is over, puppeteer hands will make it into frame, late-reel character reveals will be made, the phrase “doing the nasty” will be twice uttered, and schizophrenia will be heartily mocked.  In other words, welcome to Full Moon Studios.

This movie is nuckin’ futs.  The dialogue is hideous, the acting is amateurish, and the cinematography is practically nonexistent.  But, and a huge BUT here, this movie has more charm than it has any right to possess.  The things that I can appreciate about this film:

1) It doesn’t fuck around when getting to the toy-on-human violence.  If this movie were made today, and by a bigger budget, it would have at least 10-15 minutes of extra footage, most of which would consist of jump scares and mysterious “door that opened seemingly by itself” bullshit.

2) The demon child (credited only as “The Kid”) is some kind of proto-Freddy Kruger antagonist, gleefully delighting in the torment of his victims and dropping anachronistic one-liners.  The effect of the demonic overdub on the child’s dialogue is initially off-putting, but, when the scene shifts to the dollhouse, it actually has a pretty creepy vibe as The Kid has more screen time and lays out his plot.  The vibe is almost derailed when The Kid makes reference to “doing the nasty” to the film’s heroine, but, c’mon, this was the ‘90s.

3) Mark, the delivery driver for Chunky Chicken, is a frontrunner for the most hilariously inept hero in the history of horror film.  When he’s not getting his ass kicked in by pretty much every villain, he’s shouting crazy shit like, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!??!”  “YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME?!??!” and I’m not convinced that the actor wasn’t just given the go-ahead to ad-lib those reactions.  Kudos to this man for being a problem solver; how does he kill a main villain?  He hits the villain with the Chunky Chicken delivery car then sets the gas tank on fire.  Fuck me, why are we not speaking of this man in the same sentences as Bruce Campbell's Ash???

4) This line, delivered by the security guy to Mark over a feast of Chunky Chicken:

Mark: “Isn’t it weird, how everything tastes like chicken?”

Security guy: “Not this shit.”

5) Of the four main toy villains – Baby Oopsy-Daisy, the demonic clown Jack-in-the-Box, the rabid     teddy bear, and the laser shooting robot – Baby Oopsy-Daisy is easily the film’s main attraction.  There’s an alternate universe somewhere, in which Rick Steiner is making threats to Baby Oopsy-Daisy in WCW, and not Chucky.  Oh, to live in that universe.

I give this movie one star for every time Baby Oopsy-Daisy said “fuck”.

I ran out of stars.

(Editor's Note: Movie can be found on Amazon Prime and Youtube)

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I have a confession to make. 

I was a Full Moon Kid. 

Like, I was obsessed with Full Moon. I rented every movie they put out, delved into all the Empire stuff, watched all the special features, I even got some fan club-type stuff in the mail from them one time. The Puppet Master movies were my favorite shit in the world. Demonic Toys is at the top of the few features they made that I can point at and say "hey, at least one of these isn't terrible". As in a DTV horror film that might fly having a theatrical presentation type way. They made a few legitimately good movies, or at least ones that tried their hardest (Shrunken Heads, Oblivion, Puppet Master III, Castle Freak) but Demonic Toys hits that sweet spot between being ambitious and being trash, but not crappy trash.

That said: What the fuck is up with Charles Band's obsession with tiny terrors? That is one weird fetish to have. I'm surprised he didn't pick up the Leprechaun series and crank a couple of those out.

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BONUS REVIEW

I DRINK YOUR BLOOD (Durston, 1970)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES (NA/60)

REVIEWED BY: @Curt McGirt

Now this is pure trash. I've loved the trailer for this film forever, with people gargling Alka-Seltzer and pretending to cut each other up for years, so I figured I'd actually sit down and watch it on our beloved Shudder streaming station which brings us so many things well above... well... this. 

So, this starts with a bunch of hippies doing a ritual sacrifice... of a chicken? They slice this poor chicken's throat (which is real FYI) just to spill blood all over the tits of some chick sitting in a circle of naked hippies. Yeah, that's the way to get Satan to do some favors. A local gal is spying in the bushes and gets caught by one of the hippies -- I say caught, yet the gal catching her just casually says "what's up" then lets her run away, which leads them to rape her and slice up her legs, thankfully unseen. The hippies/Satanists/whatever have this big spraypainted van and they're led by some Latinx/possibly Native dude but who knows, the whole gang is full of stereotypes whether white or not. They promptly all exit the van after it breaks down, leave one guy in the back (who survives), and roll it off a fucking cliff as a joke, so obviously nobody's playing with a full deck here. 

Oh god. Oh no no no no no. This is going to be The Room level of shitty acting and filmmaking. I should have known, I've seen the trailer before, I just didn't think it was gonna be this long... 

Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I will give you highlights and that's it. Anyone forced to do a play by play of this should go to the UN and complain about Geneva Convention violations. And I should be awarded the Grand Prize for Masochism 2019. 

- "Rape is out of the engineer's domain"

- The hippies find an abandoned house and go on a rat hunt, killing rats

- Well damn. They grab a dude trying to find out what the deal is in the house they stole, cut his feet (!), string him up and hack at him until the old man who's granddaughter got raped shows up with a shotgun. They beat him up and dose him with "that stuff they call" LSD, then let him and the kid who comes looking for him go which leads the kid to...

- Take a shotgun, kill a rabid dog, suck out its blood, inject it into meat pies, sell them to the hippies, the hippies eat them, they become rabid, and start killing everyone in sight. Yep. 

- Total '50s portrayals of small town life and EVIL HIPPIES with emo boo-hooing by the nice blonde kid who seen it all, followed by a guy getting his guts cut out and a literal roll in the hay

Okay I'm gonna have to stop there. Needless to say this one is a top ten entrant in the Drive-In Trash Hall of Fame. This is as absurd and shitty as it gets. The last 20 minutes are INCREDIBLE. To watch, I would advise having access to malt liquor, cheap vodka, resin hits, and bad company...

...or you could just watch this trailer

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5 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

I have a confession to make. 

I was a Full Moon Kid. 

Like, I was obsessed with Full Moon. I rented every movie they put out, delved into all the Empire stuff, watched all the special features, I even got some fan club-type stuff in the mail from them one time. The Puppet Master movies were my favorite shit in the world. Demonic Toys is at the top of the few features they made that I can point at and say "hey, at least one of these isn't terrible". As in a DTV horror film that might fly having a theatrical presentation type way. They made a few legitimately good movies, or at least ones that tried their hardest (Shrunken Heads, Oblivion, Puppet Master III, Castle Freak) but Demonic Toys hits that sweet spot between being ambitious and being trash, but not crappy trash.

That said: What the fuck is up with Charles Band's obsession with tiny terrors? That is one weird fetish to have. I'm surprised he didn't pick up the Leprechaun series and crank a couple of those out.

I celebrate the entire Subspecies franchise, for some completely bizarre reason.

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15 minutes ago, Brian Fowler said:

Are you guys aware that Full Moon has a streaming service!

https://www.fullmoonfeatures.com/

I'll vouch for it.  It has some Something Weird films and a Blue Underground section on it along with the Full Moon catalog, Wizard Video and some old Elvira episodes.  A lot of Jess Franco and some Giallo as well.  It's a nice selection.

Both it and Night Flight Plus are worth a go for browsing cult and grindhouse and horror stuff.

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On 10/4/2019 at 5:01 AM, Brian Fowler said:

Some of the later Friday movies start having truly detestable characters, as the franchise shifted more towards cheering for Jason, but, other than obnoxious pranksters, most of the kids in the first few are pretty likable, if poorly acted and/or written.

I'd go further and say that some of them are genuinely well written and acted given the constraints of introducing a character arc that maybe consists of three or four quick scenes and then a sudden death. Leaving aside the final girls who are all okay to great, among my favorites are

Vera in Part 3 (harpoon to the eye) who struggles wither her identity as a popular Latina girl among a waspy clique and thus is the only one to feel some outsider sympathy with the unlikable chubby jokester Shelly. She seems to have a genuine breakthrough about this while looking at a picture of Shelly in his lost wallet...and then...

Samantha in Part 4 (Spear through a raft on the lake): the "slutty" girl who it is revealed unfairly got a reputation early in life and saw little choice but to go with it as it defined her. She has used her body to remain popular but yearns for a genuine romantic and lifelong commitment and truly believes her current guy Paul is "the one" who will give this to her..until he makes it very clear that he's only in it for the sex and starts pursuing the next girl to throw himself at her....defeated and resigned she seeks solace alone....

Nurse Morgan Part 4: A genuinely hilarious girl who is both charitable enough in her dealings to actually hook up with the disgusting Dr. Axel and together enough to be self deprecating and analytical about the absurdity of her life as a morgue nurse at a small upstate hospital.  She is probably the most likable character in the whole series and in no way deserves the particularly brutal death she recieves...it is an early signal that Part 4 is going to be a much rougher and more mean-spirited film than the previous three.

Jake (face hatchet) and Robin (machete through the bed) Part 5: Two confused outcast kids struggling to find some sort of normal teen moment in their sad lives at a halfway house. The stuttering Jake desperate for some affection fumblingly reaching out to make a move on Robin who rejects him cruelly, and why shouldn't she? She's a pretty girl and the only reason she's stuck with the likes of him is because of her "issues" that have landed her here. It's not fair. She deserves the same fairy tale dreams of romance as everyone else, no? But alter she regrets her cruelty and remembers that they're both troubled and both doing their best. She's torn between her idealized dreams of normalcy and embracing someone who might actually be going through some of what she is going through...but what's that trickle of blood...

Annie (throat slash) Part 1: As the very first modern victim, she is almost a comical symbol of youthful naivete. All she wants to do is work with kids. She happily, foolishly is hitchhiking her way to camp, a cypher for all of the misplaced confidence of youth and lack of awareness of the darkness of the real world.  Backpacking through life like it's all a big field trip/missionary charity. Hell, she is the perfect American teen in 1979. And so when that fateful ride turns creepy she is completely unequipped to fathom that her life and death would be the beginning of the end of American innocence...

 

There are others but you get the picture.

Edited by piranesi
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9 minutes ago, piranesi said:

I'd go further and say that some of them are genuinely well written and acted given the constraints of introducing a character arc that maybe consists of three or four quick scenes and then a sudden death. Leaving aside the final girls who are all okay to great, among my favorites are

You should, I don't know, write some reviews or participate next year. Or for any of the other upcoming ones. I'm sure we'd all welcome that.

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9 hours ago, Execproducer said:

You should, I don't know, write some reviews or participate next year. Or for any of the other upcoming ones. I'm sure we'd all welcome that.

+1

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You guys are triggering a confrontation between my fear of missing out and my fear of commitment to anything at any level.

In the meantime enjoy this EC comics panel with some of the most adorable monsters ever listening to an old-time radio broadcast.

 

monsterradio.gif

 

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BONUS CONTENT:

 

More horror movie monsters that are supposed to be scary but are actually sooooooo Cuuuuuuuuute

The Green Slime
5L_greenslime007.jpg

 


Star Crystal
star-crystal-1986.jpg

 

 


Rat monster from Creepozoids (Full Moon)
DtZZznaXcAA7smk?format=jpg&name=small

 

The rats in the amazingly fun Deadly Eyes:
Dej_CZmVMAQHjh5?format=jpg&name=small

 

BONUS: This skeleton who is really happy to see another skeleton
DqtuFCoW4AAuzIu?format=jpg&name=240x240

 

 

GET 'EM, GIRLS

tenor.gif?itemid=11666307

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Okay - I will catch up a little today. It was too hard to post yesterday between work and the board being stupid.

I am working on posting the next review now.

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THE BABYSITTER (2017, McG) 

IMDB: ROTTEN TOMATOES (72/60)

(Editor's Note: It's on Netflix. Not to be confused with the Alicia Silverstone movie. Or the Patty Duke one. Or the Patricia Wymer one.)

SELECTED BY: @The Unholy Dragon

It's got everything you want out of a classic horror film. It's funny, violent, wild, with a great cast including a standout performance from Robbie Amell...just a real good throwback to the slashers of yore while maintaining a modern flair. Really enjoyed it when I watched it and hope whoever gets it does too.

REVIEWED BY: @No Point Stance

This is only the 2nd McG film I've seen (far as I know), the first being 2000's Charlie's Angels, which I have a real soft spot for. He has his quirks, for sure. 

"This would get so many views! Nobody's done human sacrifice before"
"Uh, yes they have."
"Not in America, with hot people."

Essentially what we have here is a 12 year-old boy with a serious crush on his hot 20-ish babysitter and looking forward to spending a weekend with her until he witnesses her and her friends butchering a much nerdier guy in order to ritualistically drink his blood. I was pretty much on board from the start when I saw that the kid's parents were a very hot mom who I know from something else and likeable goofball dad, who I know from also being a likeable goofball on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. The kid himself is fine but Jesus, how many Michael Cera clones are out there these days? Anyway, this flick doesn't waste any time getting the setup out of the way (probably wise, since any thumbnail synopsis will likely have given pretty much the whole premise away to potential viewers), though having said that, the early scenes between the boy and the sitter show a nice rapport.

Once things kick off the events escalate in a rapid and blackly comic fashion that reminded me of the fantastic, Halloween-set MURDER PARTY (2007 - and if you've never seen that it's a high recommend for this pumpkin season). The many bombs shown under many tables in the establishing scenes all come together in style, if in a slightly clunky, one-bad-guy-at-a-time manner, and the finale is pretty satisfying. Could've down with maybe outlining what exactly the babysitter was seeking from the whole sacrifice / blood drinking thing but no big deal. Generally a fun ride, and doesn't wear out its welcome at a lean 90 minutes. 7 outta 10 from me. I'd been meaning to see this one since it debuted, so my thanks to whomever picked it.

Would make a good double-bill with the Christmas-themed Better Watch Out from 2016.

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