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I Said, Hey... What's Going On?


Dolfan in NYC
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12 hours ago, CSC said:

Got a text from my brother this morning that my Dad isn't traveling down for my Mom's funeral on Friday.  After a few minutes of me being furious, he calls me and turns out his doctor told him he can't travel and that his heart is beating super fast and won't stop.  They have him on meds right now but it looks like he's probably going to need to get a pacemaker sooner rather than later.  They are apparently running tests today to get it all figured out.  

I think I liked it better when I just thought he was an asshole who was skipping out on the funeral than the truth of what it really is.  

I hear ya, man.  I am also at that scary point in my life where my parent's are both on shaky health ground.  I suppose I should be thankful since my folks are both still alive. 

Just love on your dad for as long as you can, dude.  You're more fortunate than me in that respect because your dad doesn't have dementia and can appreciate the things you say to him.  My dad barely knows who I am depending on his lucidity so the time for me to say the things I should've said to him is pretty much at an end.

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3 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

Thank you, even if it's hard for me not to feel like it.

Don't judge yourself too harshly, man.  If you're doing what it takes to stay clean and keep your life in order, then that's the best anyone can ask of you.

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Once a month (the day the rent cheque is due) I usually wonder how much money I could have saved by staying in my mother's house. So if you are saving money and helping the family out by being in the house, there's no reason to feel like a loser. 

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13 hours ago, J.T. said:

I hear ya, man.  I am also at that scary point in my life where my parent's are both on shaky health ground.  I suppose I should be thankful since my folks are both still alive. 

Just love on your dad for as long as you can, dude.  You're more fortunate than me in that respect because your dad doesn't have dementia and can appreciate the things you say to him.  My dad barely knows who I am depending on his lucidity so the time for me to say the things I should've said to him is pretty much at an end.

I hear you - I've been dealing with the regret of all the unanswered phone calls from my Mom that I didn't pick up because I didn't feel up to talking to her.  The last time I talked to her over the phone a couple weeks before she died, all she knew me as was "my friend, Christopher".  I'd give anything for one more lucid conversation just to say goodbye. 

My Dad, on the other hand, his mind is so sharp still but his body is totally betraying him.  I made a lot of the same mistakes with him but it's not lost on my at this point that I can still pick up the phone and chat with him about anything and he's still there.  

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On ‎2‎/‎3‎/‎2020 at 4:47 PM, AxB said:

That could be an interesting site poll. How old were you, when you first lived in a house with neither of your parents?

I was 17.

I was removed from my parents care at a young age, so I was 12 when I met these criteria. Obviously, I wasn't a preteen living on my own, so the real answer is that I got the keys to my first apartment when I was 17.

I was mad jealous of all my friends that didn't have to pay rent because they still lived at home, but goddamn was it fun to be that young and completely free from adult supervision. Sometimes it pays off to be "raised" by savage animals.

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I just got news that the position at my current job being terminated. I have been at this job for 22 years. It is the only real job I've ever had. I have no other work experience outside of a few retail jobs I had as a kid, and that was over 20 years ago. My wife and I are barely scraping by right now as it is. There is no way I'm going to find a job that pays me what I've been making at this job. Really trying to figure this out right now, and don't know what's going to happen. I will get a severance package that will last us about 6 months, so that's good. I do hate my job, but stuck with it because the money and the benefits were good. I just don't know what I'm going to be able to do to help keep my family afloat. I really don't want to go back in to the same field, but my work experience is very limited. Just kind of freaking out right now and am worried about what we're going to be able to do.

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What do you do? Like in a general sense. If it is office type work, you should try to take the skills that you have and look to pivot to some sort of government service. City, county, state, feds, whatever you can qualify for you should apply for and try to get on with a government agency.

While it won't be a super fast process, you can at least be proactive in getting your name in the hat for potential service exams while you are looking for other stuff to keep you going.

Try temping with an office staffing company to help get your foot in the door. It's how my county staffs a lot of spots that they can't fill immediately, and you make the going rate for whatever that classification is. At least that's how it works here. Obviously, it can and likely will be different in other places.

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14 hours ago, MonteCarl said:

I just got news that the position at my current job being terminated. I have been at this job for 22 years. It is the only real job I've ever had. I have no other work experience outside of a few retail jobs I had as a kid, and that was over 20 years ago. My wife and I are barely scraping by right now as it is. There is no way I'm going to find a job that pays me what I've been making at this job. Really trying to figure this out right now, and don't know what's going to happen. I will get a severance package that will last us about 6 months, so that's good. I do hate my job, but stuck with it because the money and the benefits were good. I just don't know what I'm going to be able to do to help keep my family afloat. I really don't want to go back in to the same field, but my work experience is very limited. Just kind of freaking out right now and am worried about what we're going to be able to do.

Uncertainty does indeed suck but you said it yourself:  you hated that job.  This may be an opening door rather than a closing one.

Now it's time to possibly try to find employment doing something you might actually like to do.  I get it that bills still need to get paid so like my homie cheese said, check out a temp agency, job fairs, or other recruiters so that you can start sampling local companies and get your foot in the door.

Also like cheese said, start looking for another job NOW!  That severance package might not last as long as you think it will and if you find another job (or two) sooner rather than later, you can use some of that loot to possibly pursue some educational or certification avenues to either buff your resume or possibly even get yourself started on another career path.

There are also various federal, state and local services that you can use to help expand your job search or train you on improving your job finding skills. 

No lie, times are going to get grindy for you so just do the best you can to stay positive.  Like is says in Dune, fear is the mind killer.  In an unemployment situation, the worst thing is inactivity caused by apprehension of the future.  Freaking out is normal, but don't let it keep you from taking decisive action.

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On 1/31/2020 at 2:10 PM, AxB said:

Why are you all so obsessed with not doing Jury Duty? Do you really want to leave the justice system in the hands of people who are not yourself?

I did it once, like 20 years ago. Didn't send anyone down. One was blatantly innocent and shouldn't have been charged, the other was probably guilty, but not beyond reasonable doubt. And the victim pretty much deserved it anyway. A friend of mine got summoned while we were at school, when he was supposed to be doing his exams. Managed to get out of it though.

I've always wanted to do jury duty, actually. Only time I was given the packet I was moving for a bit. I think it would be really interesting, but then I'm a history wonk and am interested in the legal system. I was simply giving suggestions. . .

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I got called for jury duty last year. I sat in the courthouse from 8 am until the lunch break around noon. After returning from lunch, my number got called around 3:30 pm. After entering the room, we were given the details about the case and a written test to say why you'd make a good juror or not. I wrote that my anxiety disorder would make it hard for me to concentrate on all the details of the case. Basically, we got to choose whether we wanted to serve or not. By 4 pm, I was on my way home.

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My two times for jury duty:

 

First time I made it to voir dire.  From the questions being asked, it was pretty obvious that the case involved an off-duty or plainclothes police officer getting into a fight at a bar and a friend of the other guy jumping in and beating up the cop.  We decided he was being charge with assaulting a police officer.  I did not make the jury and was highly disappointed.

 

Second time was the one I mentioned above.  I made the jury.  It was an appeal for somebody who had been declined disability.  A former co-worker was on the jury and that was pretty great.  I really liked the guy and it was cool to see him.  Because it was an appeal, no new evidence could be introduced.  So what they did was the lawyers for each side read the transcript to us.  They acted it out, so one would sit in the witness box and the other would question him.  It was very boring but I stayed engaged because we had the potential to drastically alter somebody's life.  We went into deliberations and started talking and I must have asserted myself or something because I basically got drafted to be the foreman.  I was cool with that though ? We had a pretty easy decision (we denied the appeal) but we all hated making that decision.  It was pretty obvious the plaintiff had some issues but it was also pretty obvious they were faking disability, which is why their claim got denied initially.  After we gave the verdict, the bailiff came to the jury room to ask if we would meet with the plaintiff's attorney.  As the foreman, that was my job.  So I talked to the lawyer and explained why we had reached the conclusion we did.  I got the vibe that he not only understood our decision but agreed somewhat.

 

Overall, the experience both times was very pleasant.  I would welcome doing it again.

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I desperately want to be selected for a jury. It seems like such an awesome honor to be trusted with that kind of responsibility. Like, I get that the legal system is totally fucked in a lot of ways, but at least I could inject my impartiality to whatever proceeding I'm involved in. I've only gotten into a courtroom once, and never questioned in the handful of times I've been called. My wife served on a federal jury when she was like 18 or 19. She said it was pretty nifty, but she didn't enjoy riding BART into the city during commute hours. Her case was some deal where a couple of dudes bought a bunch of payphones and an autodialer, installed hem in an apartment and had them dial toll free numbers. Because the call costs someone something, the company being called reimburses the pay phone owner. The charges levied had something to do with conspiracy and somehow fucking the with the FCC.

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I was first summoned for jury duty about nine years ago, when I still lived in NY. I was working overnights, and the boss refused to give me the night before off. So, I had to work all night, and then go to the courthouse right afterwards. After I literally sat there from 8 AM to 4:30 PM, there were only five jurors selected, so we had to come back the next day. I called work and told them that I had been up since about 9:00 the night before, and that I could not work that night. After spending all day getting five jurors, the next day, they had the other seven plus two alternates in an hour and a half. And my number never even got called.

 

From the little bit that the judge told us, the case is being rescheudled, so we all have to return in about a month or so, and he forewarned us that we should prepare to be there for most of the day.

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Thank you to those who posted their support and thoughts on my unemployment situation. After having a few days to process and think about this, I am choosing the positive route in my thinking. This will be a good thing, ultimately. I don't think I'll ever get another job that pays what I was getting paid at my current job, but my wife is about to get a raise, plus she is tapped for a promotion next year that will close to double her salary. I have confidence that I can get a somewhat decently paying job and we won't be any worse off than we are now. Our only concern is our health benefits. Her job does offer insurance, but it's not great. 

I will likely take a month or two off to actually be home with the family before I start seriously looking for a job. I work 2nd shift and 4 days a week am not at home at night to be there for dinner, to put my son to bed, to go to his karate classes with him, and generally just be around. I'm really looking forward to being home. 

So, yeah. A huge turning point in our lives. It will be very strange to be back in the hunt for a new job, and then to start all over again at the bottom of the ladder. But it will be ok. It won't be easy, but we'll make it work. 

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1 hour ago, MonteCarl said:

Thank you to those who posted their support and thoughts on my unemployment situation. After having a few days to process and think about this, I am choosing the positive route in my thinking. This will be a good thing, ultimately. I don't think I'll ever get another job that pays what I was getting paid at my current job, but my wife is about to get a raise, plus she is tapped for a promotion next year that will close to double her salary. I have confidence that I can get a somewhat decently paying job and we won't be any worse off than we are now. Our only concern is our health benefits. Her job does offer insurance, but it's not great. 

I will likely take a month or two off to actually be home with the family before I start seriously looking for a job. I work 2nd shift and 4 days a week am not at home at night to be there for dinner, to put my son to bed, to go to his karate classes with him, and generally just be around. I'm really looking forward to being home. 

So, yeah. A huge turning point in our lives. It will be very strange to be back in the hunt for a new job, and then to start all over again at the bottom of the ladder. But it will be ok. It won't be easy, but we'll make it work. 

Last year, I left my job after twelve years. Losing the money obviously sucks, but overall, I'm a lot happier for it. I ventured completely out of my comfort zone (I went from on office setting, to being out in the field), and with one or two exceptions, I can honestly say that I wake up excited about going to work.

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On 2/4/2020 at 11:48 PM, J.T. said:

I hear ya, man.  I am also at that scary point in my life where my parent's are both on shaky health ground.  I suppose I should be thankful since my folks are both still alive. 

Just love on your dad for as long as you can, dude.  You're more fortunate than me in that respect because your dad doesn't have dementia and can appreciate the things you say to him.  My dad barely knows who I am depending on his lucidity so the time for me to say the things I should've said to him is pretty much at an end.

Good advice. My parents are 74 and 77. And both have health issues. Thankfully they were smart and 15 years ago paid for their tombstone and funerals. 

Which is why I am making my funeral plans now. Gonna get it all paid off before I hit 50,in 4 years,that way my two boys dont have to worry about it. Going very simple,get cremated then have my ashes divided up between my two sons and my lady.

 

Sorry to hear about your father sir. My mother is showing early signs of dementia.Over the past year my dad ,who is the older of the two,has take over taking care of their home and most of the cooking. I do most of the grocery shopping for them. And set up with Amazon 4 times a year deliveries of all the cleaning products they need.

 

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I have been called in for jury duty 4 times now. First time I was in Texas and I got out of it cause work was uber busy.

The last three times have been since I moved back to MS.Each time I get the summons I bring a note from my doctor explaining how it isnt the best idea to put someone that doesn't handle crowds well in a jury. You would think after the first time they would just stop summoning me. Nope.

My lady served on a jury 3 years ago. Big murder case and she hated it

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I last had a request for jury duty several years ago, but had at least two a year for the longest time. I would get out of it by saying that I couldn't leave the house because I take care of my elderly grandfather.

He's been dead since 2013. Worked every time. Thanks, Pop.

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I got called for jury duty in Canada, which seems a pretty rare occurrence. I had a trip planned for the time they wanted me, so I let them know and they excused me. Consequently, I was "on-call" for like six months after that, but my name didn't come up again in the rotation.

I was told that if I was called, once I told them I was a university professor, they'd kick me off, since no one wants a know-it-all on the jury.

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3 hours ago, Technico Support said:

A  more cynical man than I once said, "the problem with our judicial system is that we're being judged by 12 people too dumb to get off jury duty."

And that's exactly why I stopped trying to get out of jury duty.

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