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Posted (edited)

Case Study - The Battle Of the Mounds from Conan The Barbarian

Analysis:

  • Conan counters Thulsa Doom's overconfident use of heavy cavalry by cleverly selecting a battle theater with limited ingress and egress points..
  • Furthermore, he adds defensive fortifications to the location in the form of spikes and traps.
  • He also chains the asshole runaway princess to a huge stone monolith and uses her as bait.  Not very chivalric, but it draws Thulsa Doom's riders to their deaths like moths to an open flame because it is a challenge that their leader cannot resist..  Never follow a commander who is in it for his own ego.  It will never end well.  Hubris, plain and simple.
  • Wisely selects weapons ideally suited to use against heavy cavalry such as bows & arrows to deal damage from distance, heavy spears (pikes) to unhorse warriors from their steeds, and axes to cleave through thick armor.
  • Conan and Subotai use ambush tactics and terrain to their advantage to separate the riders from each another, funnel targets into kill zones, and take them out one by one by way of distractions and double teaming.  Who says barbarians are dumb?
  • Thulsa Doom's arrogance is as much to blame for his defeat as Conan's tactical ability is.  Charisma can get soldiers to fight for you, but it cannot replace good strategy and a general needs both qualities for effective combat leadership. 
  • After suffering catastrophic loses to troop strength and pride, Doom tries to save face by attempting to kill the asshole runaway princess with the very same viper arrow magic he used to slay Valeria.... If we have learned nothing from Ric Flair & the Four Horseman as kids, it is that if you can't be a winner; be a spoiler.  You cannot display a championship title belt proudly on a separated shoulder, right?  However, Subotai has other plans and by way of the most incredible timing ever, intercepts the magical viper arrow in mid fucking air, keeping Doom from turning Conan's victory pyrrhic in the wake of Doom's humiliating military schooling at the hands of a barbarian, an archer thief, and a hedge wizard.. You won't be casting a shadow over any victory celebrations today by tanting the prize, buddy.
  • Doom should've let Conan dip with the asshole runaway princess in tow and fought another day.   Bruised egos will heal. The decapitation Doom would suffer at the edge of Conan's sword in the movie's climactic final showdown will most certainly be a fatal and permanent wound.  That is the scratch that does not buff out.  
  • Crom granted Conan the revenge he so desired and the jeweled crown of Aquilonia will one day rest upon his troubled brow...... But that is another story.

“In difficult ground, press on; In encircled ground, devise stratagems; In death ground, fight.”

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

The Shadiversity Battle Rating for Conan's warfare acumen:  A++++++

The Shadiversity Battle Rating for Doom's warfare acumen:  Epic Fail

Edited by J.T.
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Thulsa Doom figured he would win based on numbers and arrogance. Conan won because for once Crom gave a damn and granted him one thing... REVENGE

James

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Glad to see what have other Shadiversity fans here. Don't think I could do one as well as JT though.

 

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

What is Shadversity?

  1. It's actually Shadiversity.  I misspelled it in my cut & paste and perpetuated the sin in my post.  It should now be edited with the proper spelling.
  2. Shadiversity is a YouTube channel that focuses on the science of Medieval combat and how accurately it is portrayed in television shows, video games, and movies.  The setting doesn't necessarily have to be Medieval Fantasy / Sword & Sorcery related since you will see plenty of examples of sword-like weapons being used in sci-fi settings despite the fact that bullet trumps all.  Never bring a blade to a gunfight.

I enjoy it because it is the usual geek overanalysis of stuff that probably shouldn't be analyzed at all like the feasibility and bad science of lightsaber combat or Orcish battle tactics in the Lord of the Rings movies.

I have to finish up my thing for the Kung Fu project, but I think my next Shadiversity dealie will be on the final battle in the movie, The 13th Warrior unless someone has another suggestion.  

If anyone else want to make a contribution to the thread, feel free to do so.

Edited by J.T.
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On 5/17/2019 at 8:02 AM, J.T. said:
  1. I enjoy it because it is the usual geek overanalysis of stuff that probably shouldn't be analyzed at all like the feasibility and bad science of lightsaber combat or Orcish battle tactics in the Lord of the Rings movies.

Yeah, some of them could be more aptly titled, "Missing the Point with Shadiversity".  Today's talk: how Thanos couldn't wield such an unwieldy double blade.  Next week: how Hulk's traditional clap attack would produce enough raw sound to literally rupture every organ in a person's body!  

Too bad Drax isn't there to provide his catlike reflexes after the point went over the other guy's head.  Drax is quick; he would catch it.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Contentious C said:

Today's talk: how Thanos couldn't wield such an unwieldy double blade.  

I didn't really find any issues with the design of Thanos's double blade as:

1) It was made of metal and

2) Thanos is immensely strong and a combat virtuoso.

His weapon was no more different in design or function than various double-edged martial arts weapons like the Monk's Spade or the Double Halberd. 

Thanos used a weapon custom made to compliment his fighting prowess as well as his physical power and size.

Also let's not forget the intimidation factor that Sun Tzu was a huge proponent of. 

In the proud tradition of the cobra, the rattlesnake, and the puffer fish, the very sight of a creature that large in full body armor coming at you full tilt and effortlessly flourishing a wickedly designed weapon of that size will certainly generate more "Maybe I shouldn't fuck with this guy?"  thoughts than "WHO WANT'S TO LIVE FOREVER~?" battle cries.  

The moment you choose flight over fight, the war is lost and there is difference between retreat and desertion.  Egress is strategic; cowardice is not.

Personally, I would not blame a soul that wasn't a superhero for tucking tail at the sight of Thanos wading into battle.  it's not like he's well known for taking prisoners or anything.

Anywho, if we're going to talk about ridiculous double bladed weapon design, we must look at:

As much as I love Darth Maul as a character thanks to the phatness of Ray Park's martial arts skills, the double bladed lightsaber is about the worst thing ever conceived.

The number one rule of swords is that the pointy end goes into your opponent, so why in the world would you position two plasma fields or light sheaths with omnidirectional cutting surfaces in such a manner where you are just as likely to slice yourself in half as you are the person you are facing in mortal combat?

For all of its conservative movement, the saber fights from the middle trilogy are better examples of how a lightsaber should be wielded if it were a weapon that could actually exist and be used practically.... and they are not.. at all...

We won't even go into the insanity of how a weapon utilizing weaponized light is able to deflect an incoming beam of weaponized light.

Light does not reflect light, Mr. Lucas.  A blaster beam hitting a lightsaber or a lightsaber striking another lightsaber would cause wave interference that would just increase the glow the Lightsaber blade in question as the light source in question passed through the lightsaber blade and continued on its trajectory.

Light based weapons are totally the stuff of pipe dreams.  Even in the cold void of space, ballistics is still king and to paraphrase the Mass Effects games, Sir Issac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in the known universe.

A meteor that struck earth created the extinction event that killed off the dinosaurs and an object that struck Jupiter created the Great Red Spot:  a hurricane with close to 400 mph winds and with enough diameter to cover the width of three planet Earths and the storm has lasted for over three hundred years and probably won't dissipate for another two or three decades. 

That is some serious impact for your ass.

Edited by J.T.

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I never understood why Lightsabers didn't extend very far. That's how light works, it doesn't go three feet and stop. It shines to an infinite distance if it's bright enough, it might dissipate or fade the further it gets from the light source. But if there was a way to project light that ended in a hard stop like a lightsabre, the first thing anyone would do is use it to build invisibility suits. Far less power consumption that you'd need to have a cutting blade of light.

Also, if a lightsabre is so powerful it can cut through anything, how can anyone see what they're doing while they're using it? Surely it should be blinding brightness as soon as you switch it on?

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Posted (edited)
On ‎6‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 10:21 PM, AxB said:

I never understood why Lightsabers didn't extend very far. That's how light works, it doesn't go three feet and stop. It shines to an infinite distance if it's bright enough, it might dissipate or fade the further it gets from the light source. 

Precisely.  If the blade were made of light, it would just shoot off infinitely in the direction of the focal point of the beam just like a flashlight.

Also, all of the cutting power would be at the very end of the beam.  It wouldn't cut along the edges like a sword.  

Now, if a lightsaber deployed a three foot micro thin filament when it deployed and then augmented that filament with laser light, the concept might work, but it would take an enormous amount of power to keep the blade fully charged for the length of a saber duel or extended combat.

Even with a filament, the light would still behave like light.  When two lightsabers strike against each other, you should see a wave defraction effect rather than the clashing of two beams against one another. Like a laser, a lightsaber would cut through solids perfectly fine, but it wouldn't do dick for defense against another light source.

And of course since light reflects off of surfaces of high albedo, the best defense against blasters and lightsabers would be armor made up of mirrors or other substances that would either deflect or refract the beam of incoming light.

On ‎6‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 10:21 PM, AxB said:

Also, if a lightsabre is so powerful it can cut through anything, how can anyone see what they're doing while they're using it? Surely it should be blinding brightness as soon as you switch it on?

Actually, depending on what frequency of the light spectrum the lightsaber is producing and how much power is being used, you might not even be able to see the lightsaber blade with the naked eye.

So another good defense against blaster bolts and lightsaber blades would be to fill up a room with some sort of smoke which would diffuse the beam as it traveled through the air.

Edited by J.T.
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