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Raw Awoke The Dragon - 3/18/2019


Dolfan in NYC
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This is the worst buildup to a WrestleMania in recent memory. So many rushed matches and storylines. CORBIN VS ANGLE...

Good thing I work weekend nights so I don't have to watch live and can cherry pick what I want to watch the next day. Good fucking grief.

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Once upon a time, there was one very large little boy who went to the wrestling academy. And he was usually assigned very dull and unstylish storyline that mainly involved t-shirts and underpants. But I took him away from all that and now he has a weird closet of Brioni all mixed in with stuff from the Claire’s at the mall. My name is James Gunn and this. is.

 

BATAHTAHTAHTAHTAHTAHTAHTAHTISTA FISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSION WASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Tonight, coming to you from an improv group's rehearsal space in the loading dock of an abandoned petco his real office in his mansion where he lives:

 

Spoiler

D1_L8vKXQAI58N3.jpg

 

Stanley Tucci getting final touches after being told by the JC Penny’s family Portrait Studio that as a single, childless man the "Wesley Snipes convenes a charity casino night" costume and backdrop is the only option legally available to him and that he will have to leave the store immediately after getting his photos. He thinks it over and accepts these terms.

 

Here is the brochure picture if you're thinking of springing for it.

 

Rjzyw2W.jpg

It's an extra $19.95 but the suit is one size fits all, zips up from behind, and they air it out on the regular.

 

 

And here, just for you and only you and mainly because the board went down for a hot minute, is a special BATISTA FASHION WATCH Alternate take for tonight:

Spoiler

Sf59Neu.jpg

 

DAVID AND JERRY ZUCKER PRESENT: THE THOMAS CLOWN AFFAIR

Starring Dom Deluise as Thomas Clown and Lily Tomlin as Blondee McLegsalot

and featuring Bubba Smith as “Sidekick Jones” and Larry Storch as “Hannibal Blechter.”

Coming exclusivley to a video store near you!!!!

 

Edited by piranesi
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18 minutes ago, Niners Fan in CT said:

Kurt Angle's farewell match at WrestleMania vs.     .....  Baron Fucking Corbin.      Has to be a troll,  right?  I'd hate to use one of my piss breaks on Kurt's final match. 

You'll have plenty of time for piss breaks with this card.

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I like Corbin, but Corbin being Angle's WM opponent is ridiculous is legit.

Beth and Nattie challenging for the tag belts got a pretty neat reaction. I actually dug the segment between them and Sasha/Bayley. Sasha/Nattie afterward was decent while it lasted. With Bayley' lien about Beth's time away I'm actually curious if they go the 4-way route  they were seemingly heading or if Beth/Nattie win a no. 1 contenders match against Nia/Tamina. I guess how things go tomorrow on SDL with IIconics will answer that.

Ronda's slaughter of Dana Brooke, refs, and security was nice.

The Rollins/Drew/Brock stuff wasn't bad, but I'm juts not super interested in any of them at the moment.

4 minutes ago, nofuture said:

Man, the brand draft can't come soon enough.  Raw's roster is so stale right now.  I can't believe the same creative team does Smackdown too.

Technically they aren't. I mean Vince oversees all along with HHH and a few others in his ear, but the writing teams the shows are different.

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Angle vs Corbin.

Angle vs...Corbin.

Angle vs Corbin...

Angle vs fucking Corbin?!

Are you fucking kidding me? Kurt's retirement match is against Baron fucking Corbin?

Kurt Angle. Hall of Famer. Multiple time world champion across multiple companies. Picked up the sport faster than most anyone else. Olympic Gold Medal winner. Manages to stay strong and sober with a drug addiction.

And his last match is against Baron Corbin. When Dave and Alvarez brought this up weeks ago I thought, "no way, no fucking way." And now here we are. What a fucking insult.

And you can say that this is worst built WM since the last one, but honestly, last year's build was light year's better than this.

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I picked the over on One minute for Dana vs. Ronda. Technically with introductions, it went over a minute. But officially it was 18 seconds. I was bored and timed it. It was a nice little story though with them building hope with Dana. 

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9 minutes ago, Web Conn said:

That Kurt vs Gable match would have been a great Mania match same length same everything. But lucky us we are getting Kurt vs Baron Corbin.

 

They very easily could have built this up over the next few weeks with Gable seeing himself as the successor to Angle as the next legit olympic wrestler on the roster and jockeying for a match. You could even have Jason Jordan back in the mix deciding if he wants to be in the corner of his longtime friend and tag partner or his "father" Kurt.

This is going to be worse than Mania 32 isn't it?

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24 minutes ago, Web Conn said:

That Kurt vs Gable match would have been a great Mania match same length same everything. But lucky us we are getting Kurt vs Baron Corbin.

 

Olympic Champion vs. Olympic Athlete at the biggest stage in wrestling, WrestleMania. Instead its Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin.

Ric Flair wrestled Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXIV in his Career Threatening Match. The Undertaker retired Shawn Michaels on WrestleMania XXVI. Try and forget Fuck Saudi Arabia.

Edited by The Natural
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The only positive I can honestly say from watching Raw is that somehow they've righted the ship for Drew and they're doing a good job building up Seth.

I'm not even going to hold the whole "face gets distracted by heel's music and proceeds to lose like a dope" booking against them because that's the only shit they know how to do.

Man, if they do a create a story mode in WWE 2k20, it will be so fucking easy because all storylines will just be X person gets distracted by Y person's entrance music and X person then loses.

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1 hour ago, Niners Fan in CT said:

Kurt Angle's farewell match at WrestleMania vs.     .....  Baron Fucking Corbin.      Has to be a troll,  right?  I'd hate to use one of my piss breaks on Kurt's final match. 

Seriously.

I was low-key hoping for Shelton Benjamin, but God forbid we expect the audience to remember all the way back to those days.

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Oh yeah, no one even gave a shit about Becky tonight. WWE has officially cooled off what was their hottest property. Chicago is arguably one of the top two wrestling towns in the country, these people get hot for anything, but I think everyone now understands there's no point in getting behind any wrestler because WWE just shits all over them.

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Let's for a minute say Corbin was the plan all along. Why announce it now?  Why even have Kurt announce it?  They could have had Corbin continuously fuck with Angle to build some heat maybe and done a stipulation like if Angle loses he retires and if Corbin loses he's fired from RAW.  Of course then he can be brought back on SDL or whatever.  The story wouldn't have been perfect but at least it'd make some sense and people wouldn't be let down with the announcement. 

Instead they have it be this mystery where wrestlers are tweeting about it all week and hinting that maybe they will be the guy and then we get to this segment and the crowd is all jazzed up like okay here we go... here comes Cena...  it'll be full circle..   and Kurt announces Baron Fucking Corbin.   Oh hey,  remember we had this feud months ago?  Kurt has been back for weeks. Why hasn't he been feuding with Corbin the whole time? 

Pure shit. It could be a troll but I really think WWE is this fucking dumb. 

Edited by Niners Fan in CT
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